Lizard Brain
by Peruna
Summary: Dying and living again isn't what she wanted, but what she got. Being born to a mother that is not her mother, Hikari drifts along without a real plan but the vague idea that maybe there is some fun to be had with ninja chakra magic. Rated M for later adult themes, crude language and violence. SI-OC, not canon-centric. -ON HIATUS-
1. New life

AN: Moi moi, Peruna here. This is my first English fanfiction, so please excuse the odd mistake here and there, but point them out, so I can correct them. There is one passage in particular which I'm sure I messed the present and past tense up but I just can't find the mistake, so I'd be real glad if someone finds it. With that said, have fun and thank you for reading.

 **I do not own Naruto.**

 **1**

It is another hot day in Konoha. The heat of a typical summer in the Land of Fire bearing down from a bright, cloudless sky. A light breeze sways the leaves of the great Hashirama trees, whispers through the blades of grass on the training fields and gives a gentle reprieve for those unfortunate enough to be out and about. Civilians hustle through the streets going about their buisness, children laugh and play, many a Nara lazes in the shadows letting their minds wander while their bodies rest while a young, green clad shinobi uses the youthful weather for some refreshing exercise.

In front of a large, cleanly cut stone stands another young man, aged beyond his years by a hard life of disappointment and regret, and mourns silently.

His clothes are black as night, a stark contrast to his silvery hair that shines brightly in the sunlight and the off white tone of his armour, and if he gave any thought to it, he might be uncomfortably hot, but the cold emptiness inside of him can't be pierced by the jolly summer weather.

His eyes stare blankly at the inscriptions on the stone, not seeing the names of his loved ones as they lay unmoving on the sleek lines, not needing to look to know exactly where they are. The last of his precious people has been gone for a little more than a year, but the loss feels so overwhelming and raw even now, even after all the work he has done to distract himself and hoping it would get better, wishing for time to start healing his wounds because he just can't do it himself anymore.

Even now the thought that all that is left of his friends, his family, is the mark on his name, the tomoe of his eye, the blood on his hands ... The thought that of the man who has saved him the first time, who showed him how to live again and always held a warmth he could relax beside, is nothing left but memories and lines carved into hard, unfeeling stone, plunges him into despair, leaves him so far over the deep end that he has no idea how to return to shore.

Truly lost, the last Hatake stands stock still, gaze locked on the stone, and wallows in his dark emotions.

It is a long time before anything but nature moves around him. The sun has reached and passed its blazing zenith and is on its way to the horizon, when, from the direction of the path leading past this training ground, a small figure appears.

Brushing a few bushy branches of undergrowth aside carefully, the figure steps into the grass of the clearing and nearly disappears in a few high bushels that come up to its chin. Large, round eyes set above pudgy cheeks are glistening with intent as they take in the man with the spiky mop of hair and the smooth memorial stone. Then they trail a path from there through the annoyingly tall grass towards itself until the stiff, green blades tickle a cutesy button nose in a child's face.

Slowly, deliberately the little being shifts its weight onto the right foot, swaying to that side in order to lift the left foot and snake it carefully forward through the grass stalks. With nary a sound and a brow wrinkled in concentration the child shifts onto its other, newly placed foot and continues moving forward in such a manner until the higher tufts of grass make way to shorter, uneven patches of growth.

Still picking its way carefully and oddly silently, the child keeps its eyes on the path its feet are taking, avoiding loose stones and a small group of weeds that might be stinging nettle and curling its little toes into dry baked earth for better balance.

Despite all the thoughtful deliberations the child's gait is quite wobbly and zigzagging until finally a pair of feet in black sandals and bandage wrapped shins come into view.

Unsteadily the child stops next to them and raises its eyes to the knees that are level to its face, then lets them trail up the dark clad legs over the thigh pouch and to the greyish flack jacket. There is a mop of flyaway hair and a chin that indicates that somewhere up there has to be a face, too. Intently the small child stares at the chin, with its head tilted back and to the side to be able to look that far up and trying to will he giant to look at it.

Apparently that works since the chin tilts forward to reveal a masked face.

Hatake Kakashi blinks slowly. Next to him stands a little kid, just small enough to still be considered a toddler, not that he knows or cares much about children, and stares up at him.

With a round face full of baby fat and childishness and a thick mop of light blonde curls on top of its head one might call it cute. He doesn't. He stares at it as it stares at him. A hard grey eye meeting with ones the colour of a river pebble: bluish, greenish, greyish, like a stone of unknown origins with spots of algae in the shallows of a stream. The pebble eyes break the staring contest and rove over his masked face, the concealed eye, the silver hair before he can see the whelp locking onto the hitai-ate that sits crookedly on his brow.

The ankle biter -and the kid really is one, barely taller than his knees- scrunches up its face and narrows its eyes into slits. They meet with his dispassionate stare again before the kid looks away, facing the memorial stone.

With a huff the little thing sits down and then falls back to lie facing the sky.

Kakashi watches for a few more moments, wondering faintly what a kid that can't be older than three does all the way out here alone before he turns back to the stone, not really caring at all. No matter what is going on in its little head, the child will run back home to its family sooner or later. At that thought a sharp pain of loss engulfs him and he buries himself back into his guilt.

 _Well, I guess I can't deny it anymore_ , I think, staring at the endless blue of a perfect summer sky, _I'm not home anymore and that's Kakashi._

I take in the tall, towering figure looming beside me, his tufty silver hair defying gravity and looking so incredibly real, how it sways in the wind and all. I have spent a long time marvelling at the graphics of this place, how real the CGI looks, what a wicked dream I am having, living in sweet, sweet denial.

But I can't do it anymore.

It almost causes me physical pain to admit it, but it seems like I'm not in Kansas anymore ... or Bavaria as it is the case. And this isn't Oz, but some kind of Naruto universe. Naruto-verse. Joy. The dream of every fanfiction-ish fan ever. Self-Insert all the way over here ...

I guess it could be fun. Never been much of a dedicated fan of the original Naruto series -or at least I haven't been for a looong time- but I still like to think I had a general overview of happenings up to a certain point. _Maybe I can mess with things or something ... I just wish dying wasn't such a bitch ..._

I look over at Kakashi, a tiny spark of excitement and giddiness in my chest coming to life, but it is overshadowed by my mounting desire to wallow in self-pity. The longer I look at him, the more I am reminded of everything I have lost.

For the sake of self-preservation I tear my eyes off him and let them wander over the skies. It will be getting late soon, maybe I should go back and find the woman who appears to be my mother in this oh so wonderful new life of mine.

Thinking of that woman like that brings my thoughts to my old mother and a sudden, overwhelming longing comes over me. With a great effort I keep myself from letting out a sob, my chest clenching with the desire but no sound coming over my lips. My eyes sting and burn so I close them, not allowing any tears.

Maybe I can still stay a bit. It is so nice and quiet here, maybe I can take a little time and just be sad a little with no one judging ... Yes, I will do that ...

 **-O-**

The woman that birthed me into this world, that carried me under her heart for the better part of a year holds about as much fondness for me as I do for her. Which is to say: none. There is no love lost between us, really. However mutual our feelings though, it doesn't make for a very decent home life. I ponder that as I stand at the edge of my crib, the stupidly high bars of this puny prison blocking part of my view of the rest of the apartment.

The woman and I live in a shabby one room flat with an old kitchenette in the corner and a small bathroom. There isn't a lot of furniture, only a folded futon in one corner, my crib in the other opposite the kitchenette and a couple of thin seating cushions, two of which are currently occupied by the woman and her best friend.

The two are chatting avidly, the woman much more relaxed than she usually is. It works wonders on the bitter lines of her face. She almost looks young now. Sadly her friend isn't here often, I usually get away with a little more curiosity when she is. As of right now, I am trying to follow their conversation.

My Japanese isn't the best. I blame the woman for that, since she doesn't bother talking to me much, and maybe even myself because I didn't put an effort into learning before that afternoon at the memorial stone where I faced the fact that I will never go home again, that I might never be able to converse in my mother tongue again.

But now I give my best to learn as fast as possible. No matter what I want to do with my new life, I have to be able to talk. I had resigned myself to a very frustrating few years, but surprisingly my brain soaks up the new knowledge like it's a sponge.

Once again I thank the heavens for small blessings and continue to stare at the woman's friend in order to concentrate.

Unlike the woman, who is most definitly a civilian, her friend is probably a kunoichi. She doesn't wear any uniform for this visit, but she moves with a grace and underlying power I haven't been able to observe before, neither here nor at home. It awes me, to say the least, the way a prowling tiger might awe me. I wonder if all shinobi display such grace.

 _I guess, I'll have plenty of time to find out._

The woman is ranting about financial troubles and how she is taking on a second job now, because the landlord has raised the rent unexpectedly. The friend nods along sympathetically and then, after the woman has run out of breath, she speaks up.

"What about Hikari-chan?"

The woman's gaze snaps up and to me and thanks to my childish body I can't control a wince and the instinctual stumbling back from the cold eyes. "What about her?" comes the woman's reply, while I lose my balance and land on my butt. Valiantly repressing the urge to hide under my blanket, I keep watching the two, even when the woman's expression darkens at my curiosity.

"You can't leave her home alone any more than you already do."

"Nothing I can do about it. I can't afford a sitter", snarks the woman back.

The friend is silent for a moment, shooting me a contemplative look. "Have ... Have you tried asking your parents?"

It is as if the temperature in the room had dropped. The woman's expression morphs into a furious scowl. "No, I have not. The last time we talked, they threw me out of the house and told me not to come back until after I married the brats father."

Utter silence. Then the friend gives a sigh. "Do you know who it is? Maybe I can get him to give some support."

The scowl on the woman's face lessens by some degree, although it still seems rather frustrated. "I don't remember all that much from that night, but I'm pretty sure it was that young one. You know, the one with the mask and the white hair?" The friends eyes widen, the woman notices. "Do you know him? I mean, there aren't a lot of ninja like that around, I guess, but it would be such a lucky break, if you knew him. Maybe he would-" The woman's now distinctly hopeful rambling was cut off by her friend.

"I wouldn't get my hopes up." The blunt statement rings out, stopping the woman in her tracks.

Slowly her face morphs back into a scowl. "Why?", she demands, "If you know who I'm talking about, _why_ should I not get my hopes up? This is the best news to me in years! If I had talked with you about this sooner ..."

"It wouldn't have changed anything", the friend rather coldly intercepts, "Hatake Kakashi cannot and will not take the responsibility for the kid, even if we could get a hold of him, which we will not."

Silence.

Utter silence.

Dumbfounded, I blink at the scene. I can't have understood that correctly, right? There is no way Kakashi has sired a child, right? All fanfictions aside, how would that even happen? Is this after the events of the story? But that can't be, I have seen Kakashi a few weeks ago and he didn't look all that old. He didn't even look as old as in the anime, although that was kind of hard to determine given my poor vantage point at the time ...

But ... Just ... What? Is this kunoichi really implying that my biological father this time around was Hatake fucking Kakashi? What the hell?!

"What the hell are you saying, Miko?", the woman questions, rage boiling underneath her skin so obviously, it makes me uncomfortable. That can't be a good sign. The friend, this Miko, can leave when she doesn't want to deal with that but I can not.

That stupid urge to hide has gotten a lot stronger and is pushing away my still reeling logical side in an effort to get me out of the danger area. Numbly, I crawl towards the furthest corner of my crib and curl around my pillow, pulling the blanket over myself.

I hear a long sigh. "Hatake has enough problems as it is and I have no doubt that whatever happened that night is on your head. I don't know how you got him to jump into bed with you, but he can't have been fully conscious."

A pause, in which I hear the woman's loud, angry breathing. It sounds like she is getting ready to really lay into her friend for saying that, but the friend continues, a note of anger in her calm voice. "You disgust me. I never would have thought you would take advantage of a grieving shinobi like that."

" _WHAT?!_

"You will not drag him into this mess, do you understand me, Keiko? I will not stand for it! And if I hear you've been asking around for him and causing a scandal, I will make you regret it." The friend doesn't seem all that friendly anymore. With the last words a cold intent fills our apartment and lingers heavy in the air.

Trembling, I try to ignore the dread and fear induced by what is probably Killer Intent -as my mind oh so helpfully provides- and curl into a tighter ball.

"I will leave now. And I warn you again: Do not even utter the name of Hikari's father or I will come here and ensure money will be the least of your worries."

I hear the woman scramble up to her feet, sucking in a loud breath, probably to say -or rather shout- something, but Miko the not-so-friendly friend beats her to it.

"Goodbye."

With that the Killer Intent vanishes and I can only guess with it goes the friend that used to make the woman more relaxed but now has made her utterly _furious_ if the rage filled and frustrated scream is anything to go by. I can't supress a whimper. This can not end well for anyone in the vicinity. Especially me.

I am right.

 **-O-**

The shelves tower over me, displaying all of their goods in a quite appetizing fashion. Busting vegetables next to ripe fruits next to all the other produce. I consider the good-looking, brightly colourful groceries, not quite believing what my eyes are telling me.

It is winter now and although most of the Land of Fire doesn't have freezing temperatures even in the deepest of winter, there shouldn't really be this fresh of farming produce available. I mean, this apple is practically screaming " _freshly picked, only a day old"_ at me and that just can't be true. Even the stuff at the farmers market in the height of harvesting season doesn't look this ridiculously good.

Maybe it is a genjutsu?

My mouth waters and my stomach rumbles. _Time to find out, I guess._

With a quick glance left and right, I stretch and snag a gleaming red apple that almost looks like a Christmas bulb we would hang on our tree back home this time of the year. Shaking that painful thought away, I pull the apple close to me with both hands, trying to conceal it as I sneak back to the entrance of the store.

While moving, I let a tingle of chakra slide toward my palms, probing the apple.

On the surface my chakra encounters some sort of thin, slimy layer that I can neither see nor feel with my hands. Shifting the curious chakra tendrils a little to further explore the new sensation seems to disrupt the layer and it dissipates almost immediately, leaving behind the juicy feel of the apple.

Surprised, I look down at the fruit. It is an apple alright, nice and red and yummy looking, but no longer as supernaturally appealing as before. _Huh, so that really was a genjutsu. Curious ..._

That was the first time I felt another's chakra with my own and the first time I had an up close example for a chakra induced illusion. _Now, how does that work?_

Contemplating the issue, I turn the apple in my hand, running my stubby fingers over he smooth surface.

Chakra isn't all that foreign to me anymore. Since my birth into this world I have spent a lot of time on my own, unable to really move during the first year, then cooped up in the crib even when I technically had the ability to move about again. Some rare times that woman would take me out, set me on the floor of the apartment and then watch as I struggled to walk, but it hasn't happened often and has become even rarer in the past year or so.

Whenever I could, meaning whenever that woman left the apartment, I took to singing or humming or whistling to myself. To fill the silence or just to occupy myself and sometimes as a sort of bittersweet reminder of home. But I could only make noise when that woman was gone. Any attention I attract from her is usually bad attention.

So whenever she is around the flat, I have to think of something else to do. I played with my fingers and toes and wiggled stealthily from one side of the crib to the other, exploring my baby and then toddler body and what it could do within the limited space.

During those times of introspection, I discovered my chakra.

It pulses through my body like blood and even after I took my sweet time simply feeling it out and observing it, I would never have thought it possible to manipulate it with only my mind. It feels like blood, rushing to and fro and simply doing its thing, and I sure as hell can't consciously guide my blood around, so why would it be different with chakra?

Alas, thanks to my "foreknowledge", however sketchy and incomplete it might be, I knew it is possible to move my chakra at will and had more than enough time and boredom to try my hand at it.

First it was only gathering chakra in a specific area, trying to let the pulsing energy stick there instead of flowing through. Then, when I had a good feel for it, I started letting the gathered chakra move around the pathways. In the end I played with it for countless hours, swooshing it through my limbs in patterns and trying to increase the speed at which it would go, chasing that heady feeling I always get when my chakra moves faster than my muscles can tense.

Some time ago I took to leaking chakra outside of my body, testing and probing everything I could reach with it just to see how the different materials felt like. Like I just did with the apple.

 _Does all foreign chakra feel slimy? Was that just the casters signature? Or maybe it's all genju-_

I am ripped out of my thoughts when a heavy hand lands on my shoulder and whips me around, causing me to stumble slightly. The owner of said hand looks down at me from his towering height -not that that says much, in my current state nearly all adults tower over me which makes it a slightly bit less intimidating.

His face is rather angry and disapproving though it softens a little when he takes in my appearance -well-worn clothes on a slim body, unkempt dusty blonde hair, maybe even the fading bruise that peeks out of my shirt sleeve. That doesn't relax his harsh grip on my shoulder though and I cringe a bit at the feeling of his fingers digging in at the base of my neck. It hurts, but not overly so.

"Hey! You can't just take the apple without paying for it. That's stealing", the man explains harshly, angry but aware of my young age.

He needn't have bothered to explain, since I know that already. It has in fact never been my intention to actually pay for the fruit, given my absolute lack of money. That thought must show on my face, because the mans eyes narrow. "Where are your parents, girl?"

"Un ... ano ...", I try to stall, my eyes darting to the side , trying to assess the situation. My environmental awareness sucks! _I will have to work on that._

"Kaa-san ... ano ... she's over there." My finger reaches out and points at a woman behind the man. He turns, zeroing in on the unfortunate distraction I have provided.

As soon as he does, I rip my shoulder out of his grasp and dash for the exit.

I weave through someone's legs to clear the door and run like a madman down the street. There is a commotion behind, so I hurry into an alleyway, which has another alleyway connect to it, trying to loose any pursuers I might have.

When I tear into another rather busy street, I try to reorient myself. _Where can I go? Where can I go?_ Frantically I take a left -smaller street- then a right -another alleyway- and race down a path towards the training grounds.

I can't hear anything over my harsh breathing and clumsy footsteps. I don't know if they are still following me, don't dare look over my shoulder lest I fall. So I just run as fast as I can to the one place no one will bother me at. The memorial stone. Because people still respect the fallen's peace. Well, people other than me. I will gladly exploit the space given to the memorial to save my ass.

Before I can leave the path in direction of the stone, I trip over nothing and bury my face into the dirt.

A moment I lie still, silently acknowledging how that _fucking hurt!_

Another moment of stillness goes by and through my hammering heartbeat and wheezing breaths, I hear ... nothing. Just the trees rustling with the breeze.

I slowly pick myself up off the ground, trying to ignore my stinging knees and face as well as the throbbing bruise forming on my shoulders and my shaking legs. This has to be _the_ most intense workout they have ever gotten in this life and they are not coping well. Once standing on my feet again, I begin limping on. Snivelling and whimpering I trudge through the foliage toward the stone.

When it comes in sight, I stop and really, _really_ want to turn around and leave again, because standing there is -of course, curse my luck!- Kakashi.

But I am tired and hurting and want to rest a little bit before going back to the apartment. Here, no one will bother me, or at least I am pretty sure that Kakashi will mind his own buisness. He is just standing there, utterly ignoring me, so that is a good sign, right?

My mind goes back and forth on it for a few more minutes of standing there like an idiot, before I shove the thoughts away and just go over there, sit on the ground and stretch my legs out in front of me. The stupid apple is still cradled securely against my chest and I am still hungry, so I elect to eat it.

For a while that's all I do, biting and chewing mechanically, my mind turning to my family as I stare at the memorial stone. Back home I had a father and a mother of whose love and affection I could always be sure and two brothers which I had a good relationship with. Here I have a bitter and angry woman and a depressed, somewhat suicidal man that doesn't even know he has a daughter.

From the corner of my eye I observe how motionless Kakashi stands and a random thought of _How does he do that? That isn't good for circulation'_ crosses my mind before being shrugged off. _Ninja being weird, that will be something to get used to, I guess._ That brought on a much more interesting thought though:

 _Will I become a ninja?_

 _That is, like, the thing to do in this world, isn't it? The civilians are prey and the ninja are the predator, right? Not that all shinobi are taking care of the civilians all the time ... at least not here in the Land of Fire, I guess ..._

But when I think about it, shinobi seem to have a lot more freedom than the civilians, or is that just perception? Since Naruto and all those fanfictions usually depict the ninja lifestyle that seems to be the most desirable, but is that true?

 _It will become pretty bloody sooner or later and the whole military dictatorship is a bit of a turn-off, but then again, the civilians have to deal with violence and suppression, too. Maybe, if that is unavoidable anyways, learning some ninja magic will be more fun than whatever civilian job I could get into. Chakra control is already kinda fun, so there's that, too._

 _How would I get into the Academy though?_ It isn't like any old kid can just get into the classes just that. You have to get enrolled and stuff. Are there entrance criteria?

 _Well, I know it was possible for orphans and civilian kids to get in thanks to Naruto and Sakura, so lineage isn't a criteria, or at least not an uber important one. Hmm, this will require some investigation. Maybe that woman will help me get enrolled, if only just to get me off her hands for long stretches of time. I can only hope so, otherwise I was out of ideas._

 _Maybe I should start reading first before contemplating formal education. And isn't that a problem and a half?_

Nibbling at the apple core, I shift my weight and wiggle my legs, before they can go numb. My knees ache a little where the scabs are pulled taut but I don't mind all that much, I've had worse.

Idly I pluck one of the apple seeds out of the core and study it, looking at it from all sides and rolling it between my pointer finger and thumb.

It is smooth to touch and a dark, shiny brown colour, round on one end and pointy on the other, just a typical apple seed really, no matter that it is the first one I have seen in this life.

Gathering chakra at my fingertips, I send an investigative tendril into the seed. It feels different than the apple, not sweet and juicy and enticing, more like the wood of my crib but also alive if sleepy.

Now very curious I bite into the apple core and hold it between my tiny milk teeth to free up my other hand to poke the seed with another small dose of chakra. It pings back. _There was actually a reaction to my chakra poke! That part of the seed that feels alive twitched!_

I poke the seed again and it pings back again, a little harder to make out this time, but still there.

I feel like squealing! _This is so much fun!_ The first time the environment reacted to my chakra!

Getting a heady feeling I can't quite contain an excited giggle.

I poke again, but this time instead of a lively ping, the seed feels as dead as the floorboards in our apartment.

Disappointed, I try again, a little harder. The seed fills with my chakra, almost bursting with it and then literally bursting.

I jerk my pudgy hands away, throwing my fingers out to avoid the ballistic seed pieces. Not quite successfully.

After inspecting the fingertips of my right hand and with a muffled _'Ouch'_ I dig a piece out that is sticking in my thumb. I wipe the forming drop of blood off on my left upper arm that is still somewhat clean.

Another inspection of my fingertips doesn't bring forth any other splinters, so once again curious I remove the apple core from my mouth, pluck out another seed and replace the core between my teeth.

Once again I let my chakra seep into the seed. Again it feels a little wooden and alive and kind of sleepy. No reaction though.

Wanting a reaction, I poke it with my chakra, instead of letting it passively permeate the seed. To the poke it reacts: little rise in that living part against my chakra.

 _Oh! Why does that feel so nice?! This is awesome!_

Instead of poking right again, I first let the chakra seep in again, passively investigating, not trying for a reaction, just feeling it out. Yes, yes, wood and a little piece of life and ... not really sleepy feeling anymore, more like exhausted now.

 _Am I killing the seeds with my poking?! I don't want to kill the seeds! It is so much more fun when they are alive and pinging back at me! I'm sorry little seedling! Please don't die!_

Frantically rifling through my thoughts I try to find out _why? Why does my chakra kill the seed? Isn't chakra life energy? Is that why a seed, a living thing, can have a detectable reaction to me? Maybe it isn't my chakra killing it? Wait. No. Or yes?_

The exploding was definitely because of my chakra, since I totally overloaded that thing in my frustration.

 _But the pokes were smaller than that. Like super, way much smaller. Also is my passive chakra seeping killing it?_

I squint at the seed between my thumb and pointer as if that will help me tune into my sensing of chakra. With slow permeating I get the same results as before: wooden, small and exhausted but still alive.

For about two minutes I do nothing but observe the seed through my chakra. The live part of the seed doesn't really fluctuate, it gives the feel of being tightly drawn into itself, kind of defensive, like when I try to hide under my blanket like the four-year-old I apparently am, but it doesn't waver or die either. Just sitting tight, waiting for it to be over.

 _...Maybe I shouldn't anthropomorphise an apple seed so much._

 _Hmm... So passive observing chakra has no real effect, poking active chakra makes it exhausted and an aggressive overload leads to explosion._

 _Okay, so maybe the reaction to aggressive and passive makes sense, what with death and ignorance respectively. But why does an active but not really aggressive poke have a negative impact?_

 _Maybe ... maybe it isn't the poke itself that has the negative impact but the reaction to it the seed gives? Maybe that pinging takes a lot of energy and since the seed doesn't really have that much energy in store two pings can tire it enough that it dies! Death by chakra exhaustion. In a seed? Huh_.

 _Can I give the seed some energy back, so it doesn't die?_

 _No way to know but try._

Letting a little more chakra seep into the seed, I try to kind of twist it, make it more appealing, while in my mind egging the thing on to eat the chakra.

 _Here, little seed, put, put, put, come on ..._ Yeah okay, I'm talking to the seed like it's a chicken. I'm weird, _so what?!_

The little life in the seed wavers, not drawn in so tight anymore.

An excited grin stretches my lips. It wavers again, seems kind of all over the place now, then ...

The seed combusts. Just bursts into flames. Surprised I let go, throwing my hands out like I did when the first one exploded. Not my best idea, since not I had a _burning hot ball of flames_ on my legs and no matter how small: _That hurts!_

Panicky I swipe at the thing, brushing it away, because _ouch._ Not nice.

Spitting out the apple core, I stick the hurting fingertips of one hand in my mouth to suck on and rub the other over the now bright red spot on my thigh where the seed had landed.

With my attention on my legs I can see that the sandal clad feet next to them have turned their toes in my direction. Following the shins upward and then cricking my neck to look even further upward and upward, I can see a mostly covered face turned downward, one stony grey eye observing me.

On reflex I yank the hand out of my mouth and hiding it behind my back try to look as innocent as possible. _No, I didn't disrespect your mourning by hiding out here after getting caught stealing an apple and then playing with exploding and combusting apple seeds while giggling like a little girl, what are you looking at?_

Even through the mask and with only one eye visible, Hatake Kakashi looks very unimpressed with my innocent look. His silent staring kind of unnerves me.

"Umm..."

 _Flee or engage? I wonder what he is thinking. To him I'm just a little girl. And that is kind of all I am right now, period. He doesn't even know that I'm supposedly his daughter._

I cock my head a little, trying to get a better look, which is kind of hard with how small I am. He looks pretty young, his cheeks are still a little rounder than I would have expected.

 _How young is he anyways?_

My assessment of _'probably not even twenty'_ is somewhat vague but it is enough to be disgusted at that woman that poses as my mother and agree with her used-to-be friend -I haven't seen the kunoichi since that day over a year ago, so I'm pretty sure that friendship is dissolved. There is no way that Kakashi at that age -at the time of my conception he must have been _even younger_ than he now looks- would have consciously agreed to some kind of bar fling and he absolutely does not need that kind of baggage that is my existence.

 _I'll have to tough it out without a father here, since I won't tell him that that's supposed to be his job._

 _I still kind of want to call him dad. Because,_ come on, _having Hatake Kakashi as a dad could be really awesome, if he didn't have so many problems. Maybe I'll tell him when he's older._

"Hello, _isi._ "

Until then I'll just call him dad in a way he won't understand. Win-win, right? Right.

 _I should probably go now, his staring is still unnerving_.

Laboriously I get onto my shaking legs and stumble away from the memorial stone. Again I don't look back, because I don't want to risk falling. I also don't want to see him looking at me like I'm a weirdo anymore. If I'm honest, that kind of hurts.

When I get back to the apartment building that woman and I live in, I sit down on the stairs and wait, hoping I didn't miss her coming home from her job. I don't want to spend the night on the doorstep.

 **\--000--**

 **Edited: 14.04.2018**

So, I edited the chapter so that I can upload the new chapter tomorrow without a guilty conscious.

Thank you to **_Cisk Kazzarch_** for pointing out typos and spelling mistakes and generally for being the first to review.

Also, a thank you to **_j23d_** for reminding me that paragraphs are a thing to be used and make reading much more enjoyable. I tried to put a lot morein while editing this chpter to break up those huge chunks of discription.

A quick thanks to everyone else that reviewed as well. Reading reviews of any kind makes me happy and keeps me motivated. See you tomorrow with the next chapter!


	2. Starting School

AN: Moi moi, dear readers. Peruna here. So I wanted to thank all my wonderful reviewers for taking their time to give me their opinion and for all the positive feedback, it's really given me a boost every time I looked at the comments section. Thank you also to **_Cisk Kazzarch_** for pointing a few typos out and **_j23d_** for their opinion on paragraphs. I tried not to break them up better in this chapter ;)

A special thanks also to **_Arcane Charmcaster_** for offering to beta this fanfiction.

I'm always willing to answer questions, so two quick ones here.

To **_skye-speedy_** : Hikari is actually almost a full year older than Naruto and more in Team Gais age group.

To **_Cisk Kazzarch_** : The first chapter took me about three months to write and about a full day and a half to edit and type into a computer. Now I write on my phone, which means I have more opportunity to work on this story which will hopefully make me a little faster.

 **I do not own Naruto.**

 **2**

The rain is pounding down heavily on the streets as I run towards an awning to seek shelter from the heavy onslaught. I'm thoroughly soaked except for where I am clutching my notebook under my shirt. At least that is what I hope.

When I reach the overhang I huddle against the wall of the building and extract the notebook. It is unfortunately pretty damp.

With shaking fingers I open the soggy thing. Inside there are neat little rows of blurry dots that used to be the Hiragana alphabet written out by that woman when she tried to teach me last week. On the next pages is what were my first attempts at copying the once perfect symbols my so called mother had written down. Now all of it is unreadable, my script as much as hers, with the ink smudged and blurred together.

Desperately I rifle through the notebook and hope against hope that something is still usable, salvageable.

I really don't want to ask her again. The bruises on my arms haven't even faded yet and I still have that crick in my neck...

It is in vain though, all I have gained by my hasty flicking through the book are some torn pages. Not that it matters anymore, this notebook is a lost cause. And it is my fault, I can't even blame my misery on anybody else.

Curling around the wet booklet, I hug my legs to my chest and press my eyes into my knees. Then I cry.

All I wanted was to study in peace. I just wanted to go to the stone and look at a table of a syllable alphabet without disruption. Without having to keep a wary eye on the door. I didn't know it was going to rain! It didn't even look like it was going to earlier!

Silent sobs shake my shoulders. The only noise I allow myself is a tiny, high-pitched whimper. I am pathetic but I can't help it.

When the rain doesn't stop before my crying fit does, I stand up and trudge through the veritable sheets of water falling from the sky toward the apartment building. The notebook in my hand, since wet or not doesn't really matter anymore.

The damage is already done.

 **-O-**

"Early admittance is a little ... unusual for children from civilian families. Are there any reasons why you would want your daughter to attend the Academy at such a young age?"

"Hikari-chan has expressed a great desire to learn and has specifically asked for training to become an honourable shinobi of Konoha."

The pleasant and demure tone of that woman is new to me. She is quite the good actress but I have the distinct impression that the Chuunin behind the teachers desk of this otherwise empty classroom doesn't care for any of her spiel. He has already dismissed me, he just didn't say it yet.

"She is a fast, attentive learner and already quite autonomous, that is why I fully believe Hikari-chan will do well in a school setting", that woman continues, ignoring how absolutely unenthused the Chuunin instructor looks. It seems like he wants to sigh but represses it.

"I am sure she would", is his flat reply, indicating anything but agreement, "but I am not certain you or your daughter are aware how far shinobi schooling differs from civilian schooling or why it is usually started at an older age. This is not a decision a five-year-old can make."

The generous helping of condescension in his voice does nothing for the helpful, friendly facade he is trying to present, but that woman lets it slide off her like she's made out of Teflon. If I didn't know that she only wanted to get rid of me, it would be nice to have someone argue in my favour so stubbornly. I can still appreciate it though, even if I can't get a warm, fuzzy feeling out of it.

"I am sure whatever the requirements for the early enrolment of a child in the Academy may be, my Hikari-chan can satisfy them." The Teflon woman smiles politely. "Since early admittance is not all that rare, I am sure there are tests to decide for such an occasion?"

The Chuunin looks smug, confident that he has found a way to shoot our request down.

"Of course there are. But you see, most of our younger students hail from shinobi clans and already have prior education in the shinobi arts. To test their skill level, we usually let them perform an exercise in chakra control", his smug look intensifies, it doesn't suit him, "Would you like your daughter to be tested like such?"

The Teflon woman looks completely unruffled and I wonder why that is. As far as she knows, I have no clue of chakra and even less of chakra control. I'm not even sure whether or not she knows what that those words mean. Maybe she just expects me to know all of that since this was my idea, I might never find out. She just inclines her head and replies evenly: "Of course shinobi-san."

He looks a little taken aback, but then the smug condescension slides back into place when he turns to me. It still isn't a good look for him, but he seems to be determined to ugliness.

"So, Hikari-chan. You're going to have to show us a little of your skill. Are you ready to do that?" His tone is falsely cheerful, almost like he is talking to a dog. I nod warily.

"No need to be so shy," he smiles widely, lips stretching thin, "You're going to do the Leaf Exercise for our little test. Do you know that one?"

I slowly shake my head. His smile widens, I can almost see the shape of his teeth through those closed, stretched lips. The smile on the Teflon woman tightens and I have the foreboding feeling that should I embarrass her here, I am going to bitterly regret it.

I try not to let my fear of that show, fixing my eyes on the Chuunin instructor and him only. He is holding a fresh leaf he seems to have pulled out of nowhere in front my nose. I take it.

"So for this exercise, you only have to channel a little chakra into the leaf so that it sticks to your skin. Easy, right?"

I eye first him then the leaf that's lying in my open palm. Gently expelling chakra from my hand, I reach for the leaf with it. With a slight pull, the agreeable material flattens against my skin and when I turn the hand it sticks there instead of falling.

Once I'm certain it will stay that way, I look up to the teacher. The smugness has mostly evaporated and he looks a little surprised behind that fake smile of his. He still tries to wave my accomplishment off.

"Very good," he says, "But, you see, normally you should have the leaf stick to your forehead not your hand."

Hesitantly I nod, take the leaf and hold it to my forehead. This takes a lot more effort, because I am not used to expelling chakra from my brow.

I first send some probing chakra out and into the leaf to get a feel for the process. When I get back a steady sensation, I twist the probing to pulling and can feel when the leaf flattens on the skin just under my hairline. I lower my hand and look back to the Chuunin instructor.

"Fine," he admits, seemingly a little annoyed but also somewhat interested, "Hikari-chan seems fit for early enrolment. I will get the paperwork."

With that he starts going through the contents of his desk drawers. Relieved I let go of the chakra holding the leaf and watch it gently floating down in front of my eyes. A small smile settles on my lips. It's a step in the right direction.

 **-O-**

My first day of the Academy starts better than normal.

I am wide awake an hour before sunrise, as that is the usual time for the Teflon woman to leave for work and one of two chances for me to slip out the door and spend the day outside instead of locked in the apartment.

Quietly getting up and wiggling over the side of the crib, I set to dress myself in the new clothes that woman bought for me to wear to school.

It isn't anything fancy and thankfully it isn't anything a civilian would consider decent for their five-year-old daughter either, just a long-sleeved green shirt and black pants. Both are several sizes too large, which is practically oriented -I am currently in an age of random growth spurts- but makes me look like I am drowning in fabric.

Slightly disgruntled, I fold the sleeves and pant legs to a length that won't constantly trip me up and consolidate myself with the fact that these are indeed new clothes, right out of the store and of a good quality so that they will probably last if I treat them well.

Also, they are pretty comfy if one ignores the fact I have to use rope as a belt to keep the pants from slipping. The neck of my shirt is so wide that both my collarbones are showing but there is nothing to be done about that except for wearing my old shirt underneath.

While I am getting dressed between my crib and the wall, that woman starts rising and going along her morning routine. I keep myself out of sight for the most part, only slinking over to the seating cushions when that woman prepares breakfast.

When a bowl is set down in front of me, I shovel its contents into my mouth post haste while keeping an eye on that woman's eating pace. I usually want to be done first as to ensure I won't miss my chance to get out and about.

To my surprise I start feeling full before I have emptied my bowl. Unsure I look down at the rice and veggies that are left. This is a bigger than normal breakfast. _Why?_

I steal another glance over at that woman -she is almost done- before turning back to my own food. _What to do?_ I don't have a bento box, so I can't take it with me to school, but leaving it until I come back in the evening doesn't feel right either.

Thinking about how I might not need to source a lunch later if I eat a big breakfast now, I stuff myself until there is nothing left in the bowl. There. Never deny food, who knows when the next opportunity to eat will come along.

Satisfied with my -admittedly a little uncomfortably- full belly, I get up and take my dishes to the kitchenette, standing on my tiptoes to put them into the sink without clattering. Then I pick up my fresh notebook and pen, slip on my straw sandals and wait by the door.

While that woman does the dishes and picks up her coat and purse, I run the fingers of my right hand through my hair in lieu of a brush. It is a good thing that my thick dusty blonde mop is long enough for the tangles to not be obvious. Right now the tips of it hangs just past my shoulders and I wish I had a hair tie so that it wouldn't fall in my face every time I did any kind of activity.

 _Maybe I can nick some from my classmates today._ Now that was an idea. A whole classroom full of hyper kids, a portion of which were bound to be little girls. A target and cover at the same time. _And who would cry after a lost tie or two? Easy peasy_. Shouldn't be harder that stealing food from suspicious vendors at least.

By the time we leave the flat, I am in a good mood. When that woman and I split ways, I start humming cheerfully, almost skipping towards the Hokage Tower and the Academy.

The sun is now well and truly up and the streets are beginning to fill with people going about their daily life, but weren't crowded yet.

Crowded streets are very annoying for someone whose face is about level with the average persons butt, so I try to avoid them if at all possible. Then again they make a good cover for a covert operation or a quick getaway, so even that has its place.

That place isn't here and now though, but the pressing crowds aren't either, so I easily weave and dodge my way past the legs of the good, upstanding Konoha citizens, bouncing from time to time just for the heck of it.

I feel good. Today is going to be a good day.

Arriving at the Academy gate, it was easy to see where I had to go. You could just follow the stream of all the proud parents with their excited children to a nice, big meeting hall at the head of which a stage has been set up. Attach yourself to a gaggle of kids and you're good to go.

The group I surreptitiously attach myself to is a mixed group of seven-, eight- and nine-year-olds, who are laughing and giggling and occasionally shouting over each other. In their excitement they don't really mind or even register my arrival and just morph to accept me in their circle.

The topic of discussion is of course the reason why the each of them want to become ninja and what kind of ninja was the _coolest_ or _bestest ever._ I giggle and smile, though I don't share my thoughts.

It's weirdly fun to hang around with them and listen to their childish boasting, no matter how ridiculous or plain untrue it gets. I don't even need to understand everything they are saying to get the gist of what the outrageous statements are about, which is good because they are kind of hard to understand when they are all talking over each other like that and with the base level of noise in the hall.

That boy with the shaggy brown hair is of the opinion that his tou-san is the absolute coolest of all ninja and, following that declaration, finds himself in an outraged yelling match with the black haired boy who thinks that title belongs rightfully to the Hokage because "Duh! Of course it does."

There are three girls next to me that are talking about how they are so excited for kunoichi classes, they "can't wait to begin!", who are informed by the round eyed boy on my other side that "Kunoichi classes are super lame, all you do is pick flowers and braid hair!" The girls round on him in denial, which puts me smack dab in the middle of their argument and unfortunately that lands me more attention than I really want.

One of the girls addresses me indignantly, saying something I can't quite catch because she is talking hella fast and slurring her syllables together and _what on earth_ did she just say? Why are they looking at me like they expect me to say something, what do they want me to say, oh my god, _this can't be happening!_

It's not quiet -I don't really think it can be with this many excited children in one room- but this moment when these four kids around me are silent and wait for me to answer is so terribly awkward and uncomfortable that it might just as well be the whole crowd waiting with bated breath. _Just say something! Make it stop!_

"Ano ... I like flowers, they're not lame", I mumble, wishing for the ability to just disappear back into the crowd when all the kids do is look at me weirdly. The girl who addressed me asks another question. This one I understand clearly.

"Are you stupid?"

"No, I'm not!" She looks unconvinced by my proclamation. The fact that I have to consciously pronounce each syllable is apparantly not helping, no matter how indignantly I do so. I scowl, but before either of us can do anything else, the people around us quiet down and I turn to the stage, glad for the distraction.

Up on the stage the Hokage stands flanked by two Chuunin, one of which I already know since it is the man that accepted my early enrolment request.

The Sandaime Hokage is a larger than life figure, cutting an impressive picture the way he stands straight and proud in his formal robes above us and it almost seems as if he is untouched by his numerous years no matter how many wrinkles mar his face. He is the personified image of a strong but wise leader capable of handling any problem that is thrown at him and I take a moment to just marvel at the level of charisma he has. It is so breath-taking and reassuring to know that he is our leader and just thinking about it makes me feel safe and happy to a degree that it is actually unnerving me.

While I'm still reeling between _What is going on with me?_ and _Wow, can I be like that?_ , the Hokage jumps into a speech about youth and motivation, about how today is an important milestone in our lives and the start of our career as shinobi, about how it is important, no imperative, that we do our best, because not doing so could some day endanger our friends and family and, most importantly, our village.

My logical mind is taken aback by the not so subtle pressure and propaganda. My emotional centre is screaming _I will do my best!_

This duality of my mind is very new to me and I have to wonder if this is some super secret shinobi technique, peer pressure or my five-year-old brain latching onto the first vaguely parental figure I have encountered in this life. The Sandaime certainly presents himself as the proud grandparent of our generation, so it might just be the childish need to show off to and make someone proud that has taken over my emotional control centre.

The leader of our village goes on, encouraging us to pour ourselves into our studies in order to honour our elders sacrifices and to carry on the Will of Fire into its next generation.

The speech is quite motivational and captivates even the smaller children with short attention spans, leaving every kid in the hall -me included, no matter how much I was a not-really-but-still-kinda child- mesmerized and almost vibrating with excitement under the fond look he levels at us, at the crowd in general.

 _That look should really be classified as a weapon. I mean, look at us! I can't imagine what such a morale boost would do on a battlefield but I wouldn't want to be the enemy in that case._

When he comes back to the Will of Fire, I let myself get distracted by my logical side because my emotional reactions start to really freak me out.

 _This is all part of the indoctrination,_ I tell myself, _the groundwork for unwavering loyalty to the village down the line. This is what will make the idea of killing and hurting other people easier to get used to when we inevitably have to deal with that as shinobi._

The sad truth is, even knowing that, it is working. But then again, I don't really see a problem with being manipulated to love this village if it will help me deal with the atrocities this world has to offer. I just have to be careful not to slip into blind obedience, because that is not something I ever want to do and live by.

Loyalty and a meaning in life? Cool. Wilful ignorance of the faults of a system? Nu-uh, not with the way I have been raised at home. A lifetime of "Those who don't remember their history are doomed to repeat it" coupled with "Look at what horrible shit went down when people turned a blind eye to the government committing genocide" will not be easily overwritten by some fancy words ... or so I dearly hope.

 _Now there's a bummer, at least I'm not so grossly excited anymore._

At the end of the speech, I am still grinning like my future year- or even classmates, but my logical side is back in control. Feeling good and light and motivated, but not in that weird fervent follower mood anymore. _Thank goodness_

There are a few more announcements made by one of the Chuunin, then he and his colleague start reading out the names of students that were to be in their classes.

Apparantly this year had only enough applicants to fill two classrooms, which kind of surprises me as I had thought that the initial number of students would be much higher and that there would be a lot of dropouts before graduation. I mean, there are so many little kids that think being a ninja is all that and with Konoha being such a large village, I thought there would be a bigger rush of ninja hopefuls. _Maybe there is something I'm missing here ..._

When my name is called, I join my classmates who gather around the Chuunin I already know. After the last kid finds their way over, he leads us down the corridors of the Academy and, after a few turns and a flight of stairs, into an empty classroom.

Chaos ensues a everybody tries to find a seat near the people they already know. I push my way through to the back and choose the seat in the corner by the window. From there I have a good view over the room and of the blackboard.

Before my reincarnation, I rarely ever sat in the back of a classroom. Not only because that had been where the "cool kids" were sitting, but also because of my trouble seeing and hearing the teacher. But now, ever since the infant short-sightedness and deafness has worn off, all of my senses are a lot sharper and much more acute than that and I revelled in it. No more glasses for me, no more Tinnitus. It is one of the few things I find joy in nowadays.

Lining up my pen next to my notebook, I sit down and wait for my classmates to calm down. That takes a while. They just can't seem to stop chattering and changing seats until the Chuunin puts his foot down and orders us to take a seat _now_. The others comply, I myself have been sitting already.

I let my gaze wander over the arrangement. The classroom has three ascending rows of three tables each which can in turn be shared between three students. So technically, there is room for twenty-seven students. We are however only twenty-one students in this class.

In the first two rows every seat is taken, the kids sitting in threes, and there is a pair that sit in the other back corner of the room, which leaves me with no neighbours at my table. That ... had not been my intention. When I decided to attend the Academy early, I knew that I would be the odd one out, I just hadn't expected it to be so literal ...

 _Well, I guess it is as it is._ And it comes as it comes. That had been one of those quotes I had loved to cite before. _It is as it is and it comes as it comes_. Right next to _'Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end'._ From a book and a movie respectively. Now I live in a Manga or maybe Anime. _...How is this my life?_

I'm being pulled out of these somewhat depressing if not new thoughts by the Chuunin instructor calling us to attention and proceeding do a roll call. When he calls a name, the corresponding child speaks up with a loud and clear "Here" and he marks that down on his clipboard. I try to memorize names and faces, my choice in seating already paying off in that regard as I have a prime view over the whole room.

"That's everyone", says the Chuunin after the last name setting down clipboard and looking at the room at large, "You are all here to become shinobi and kunoichi of the Leaf, so you are expected to follow the orders of your superior, which is me. Most of you have been at the Civilian School up to this point or were home schooled, I don't care, just let me be clear that I am neither your parent, nor your friend, nor a civilian. I will not be as lenient as they are. I demand respect and earnestness. Do I make myself clear?"

Half the class immediately chorus "Yes, sensei" which the others join hesitantly. It seems they are the ones who have already attended formal schooling in the Civilian School.

"Good", Sensei says, "My name is Tsuji Kosaku, you may call me Kosaku-sensei. I will be your primary teacher this year. If you have any queries or problems, bring them to me and I'll help you. Now, we will start with history lessons, so listen up."

What follows was exactly that: a lesson into the history of the Hidden Leaf, starting with it's founding. Kosaku-sensei talks loud and clearly, which is a blessing because it means I can follow him easily, and goes into great detail, often repeating the important facts, like the names of the founders -Uchiha Madara and Senju Hashirama- or the four noble clans of Konohagakure -Aburame, Akimichi, Hyuuga and Uchiha, why those are considered noble while others aren't is beyond me, but I digress.

I attempt to take notes about what Kosaku-sensei was talking about but I quickly give up on that. I don't even know all of the Hiragana alphabet, much less the Katakana and none of the Kanji, so I only copy what Sensei wrote on the blackboard and try to match the symbols to the words he was speaking. That, at least, I can do and I learn my first Kanji this way.

After history comes chakra theory, which includes the Leaf Sticking Exercise. No problem for me, of course, but it's interesting to see that absolutely none of my classmates are able to stick a leaf to their face without glue. None of them are clan children but some of them have shinobi parents. At least that boy did, with the shaggy hair who had bragged about his father earlier. Akagi Kenchiki, that's his name. He doesn't know the first thing about chakra and his complete failure at the exercise visibly eats at him. Poor guy.

There are some that show progress near the end of the lesson, but even they can't stick the leaf for longer than a few seconds. The others just put the leaf on their foreheads, let go and get frustrated when it falls down, then try again and again and again until the noise level in the room has risen to unbearable levels from all the annoyed cries and angry yelling.

While they do their thing, I try to pick up the leaf from the table using the same exercise. It takes a little getting used to, since at first the chakra I send out from my fingertips not only goes into the leaf but also the table underneath. Sure, when I pull on the chakra, the leaf sticks to my fingers, but so does the table top. Which is unhelpful.

I let go of the chakra and pull my hand up. The leaf sticks a moment following the movement of hand, which is a little unexpected, but then the lingering chakra dissipates fully and the piece of foliage floats down gently.

Snatching it out of the air, I consider it. _Why was there an after effect?_

Doing the Leaf Exercise normally isn't very hard. When I send out the chakra, I overshoot a little, not only soaking the leaf with my chakra but also a small area of air behind it. Unlike with the table, I can't pull the air in when I shift the chakra to tug the leaf to my fingers, so it's only the leaf sticking to me.

 _So I definitely have to work on my fine control in order to selectively pick up the leaf from another hard surface._

I try to feel the extent of the chakra I send out to get an idea of how much I am overshooting in the exercise, but sensing my chakra outside of my body is very hard. I know the general whereabouts of it, because it is still connected to me and I _feel_ it's there somewhere, but I can't focus on the exact shape and size of the small chakra cloud I'm sending out. It's just too _tiny_.

Only when I shift it's purpose to something more active can I make out the rough extend of it. That both makes sense and doesn't and it drives me crazy, so I spend most of the lesson glaring at the leaf sticking to my fingers while shifting the chakra I'm working with from passive permeating to active tugging and back.

And there lies my next problem. It is much easier to take the passive chakra and twist it and pull, than to take the high-strung active chakra and ease it back into a passive state without losing connection to it. Most of the time I try that, I break off the connection between my inner chakra and the construct outside my body which leads to the construct dissipating and the chakra used being lost.

Only once can I get the construct pulling the leaf against my skin to unravel without losing my grip on the chakra. The rest of the time I get the same frustrating results for my efforts over and over and over again. I absolutely understand my classmates when they get angry and loud, I am quite annoyed myself but it fuels my determination to figure this out.

After an indeterminable amount of time Kosaku-sensei calls for us to stop. Dazedly I look up and to the front of the classroom. There is a lot more script on the blackboard than there was before and that takes a moment to process while my brain switches gears.

Oh. _Oh._ _Damn!_ Sensei must have continued the lecture after a while of everybody trying to stick leafs to their foreheads. And why wouldn't he? It's not like many of us actually kept at it until the end of the lesson. _I should really pay more attention to my surroundings_.

I flinch when I realize that I should probably copy whatever that is on the blackboard into my notebook to decipher later. Rushing to do so, I listen with one ear while Sensei wraps the lesson up and gives us a five minute break before our numbers class starts.

 _Numbers?_ , I wonder absently, _Like maths?_

I barely get tone copying all the symbols from the board before Sensei vanishes all of it in less than a second and calling us to attention for the next class. _Right, numbers._

Turns out that numbers class is a mix between mathematics and physics with mostly practical applications. It's middle school level which means it's hilariously easy.

Not that I ever was remotely good at those subjects in my past life but there also used to be higher standards for _good at math_ back then. Now, all I have to do is listen to the teachers explanation somewhat attentively and I remember having done this before, which makes all of this a piece of cake.

The only difficulty is the writing Sensei does on the blackboard, but I copy it dutifully and spend the rest of the lesson mostly sorting that out. I am pretty sure that I can identify at least five numeral Kanji by the time we get let out for lunch. That makes me feel pretty accomplished.

Revelling in the feeling, I follow my classmates outside into the yard. There is a lot of green here, shortly trimmed grass broken up here and there by a tree or three and a pew picnic tables strewn about.

In the back of the yard, by the wall running around the school grounds, I spy a few lone training posts that are probably meant for kids hell-bent on training during lunch break, since we aren't allowed on the school training grounds without supervision. At least not during school hours. I think after school's out they are open to pretty much everyone.

Since I haven't brought any lunch to eat, I saunter over to the posts. They are plain but dense wood, perfectly cylindrical and rammed deep enough into the ground as to withhold a lot of abuse before falling over. Or at least that's what I guess. They look exactly the same as the ones by the memorial stone and any training post used by actual ninja has to take a lot of damage before breaking. Otherwise nobody would use them, being too annoyed about having to replace the broken equipment after every session.

I haven't learned any taijutsu yet and am not very eager to just start punching the posts _à la Rock Lee,_ so I just clamber on top of one and look around.

There is no one in sight. All my classmates are on the other side of a group of trees, chatting and eating lunch together. I have a sinking feeling in my stomach that I ignore.

 _I'm not hungry yet_ , I tell myself, _and maybe it'd be better to wait for the girls from the entrance ceremony to forget my face before I try to integrate myself into their group again_.

Because it has been just my luck that the girl who had asked me, if I was stupid, was in my class together with one of the others. Her name is Kotobuki Una.

 _Wow, I really love my new brain!_ It surprises me once again that I have a much better and accurate memory now. I haven't been using that much before now, only once I started learning Japanese did I even realize it was different than before. Now it's an even starker contrast to the Before.

I used to be absolute crap with names and faces. The fact that I can identify people now with only one encounter and hearing their name once is utterly _fantastic_ to me. In both senses of the word. It's cool and wonderful and I enjoy it immensely. And it doesn't feel real, like I'm dreaming, but I'm not. Or at least I can't wake up on my own volition if it is. That's a theory I've already tested and pondered extensively.

 _No matter._ I shake off the darker turn my thoughts were about to make and look around once more. Yep, no one watching, still.

Not having anyone around to embarrass myself in front of gives me confidence for what I'm about to do. I ready myself, bend my knees, almost crouching on top of the training post. Then I jump to the other one a few paces away.

My torso collides with the post and I almost bash my teeth in on its edge, then fall off the fixture.

 _Yes, it's a good thing no one was around to see that._

I lie in the grass wheezing for a minute and decide not to try that again too soon. My body is pretty weak. Maybe it's because it's that of a five-year-old. But I'm reasonably sure it's more because I don't get a lot of exercise in order to build up muscle.

 _Well, at least lack of exercise won't be a problem anymore._ The Academy starts its students young on the physical education, which is a good idea because that's not something that can be rushed in a year or so. Or shouldn't be rushed. But what do I know, really? This is just me speculating.

I spend the rest of lunch climbing a tree in the yard. It's one of those trees that are perfect for beginners since it grew a little crooked and has a few more lower branches than the others. Even still it takes a lot for me to actually reach the branches but it's fun and a good exercise.

After the lunch break we assemble back in the classroom for our general education class. I have no idea why they called it that but right now the topic leans more toward nature and biology. Maybe it will cover survival tactics later on, but right now it's all about the native animals and plants of the Land of Fire. It's pretty interesting even if I don't understand the purpose of this class.

Language is next and that is probably the class I need the most. To my absolute horror we are passed worksheets with a short text and questions that we are supposed to answer in writing. _Shit!_

Obviously it doesn't go well. I spend a good long time staring uncomprehending at the neat, printed lines of text and despairing silently. Not enough symbols are known to me to make any sense of the writing. In the end, I go through every line and search for those Hiragana and Katakana that I can identify and write their pronunciation in roman letters next to them.

That's all I can do right now and I am disproportionally relieved when we are supposed to take the sheets home and finish them until tomorrow. Maybe, just maybe I can convince that woman to read the text to me. If not, I'd have to come up with something. A problem for later.

Bukijutsu is next. The art of throwing sharp shit at your target. I'm not sure what to expect of the class as we are led to one of the Academy training grounds. There we get handed blunted kunai and Kosaku-sensei spends a good half an hour listing the rules for the exercise.

It's all mostly common sense, stuff I've been lectured in the Before on. Whether it was at Archery or with a gun, the differences on range safety were negligible.

They are almost the same now. We are organized into lines of six at a time with five blunted kunai each and supposed to hit the target that's about thirty feet from us. After all six have thrown the kunai they are supposed to wait for sensei before retrieving them and give them to the next person. Rinse and repeat. Not overly complicated.

After having repeated the lecture on the proper procedure, sensei goes to show us how it's done. From the stance to the throwing motion and release of the kunai, he demonstrates it another four times before the first batch of students are let at it.

Kunai go off target left and right while sensei walks behind the line and corrects the biggest mistakes he catches. And he catches a lot. He's basically constantly correcting them in a calm tone to counterbalance the excited energy of the kids.

I watch attentively. Maybe I can avoid making the grossest mistakes by learning from others' failures.

It works partially. I have problems keeping the stance and my arms aren't strong enough for a proper throw. Kosaku-sensei nudges me twice when I relax my posture and eyes the kunai that were somewhat well aimed but stick out from the ground about halfway to the target. Then he shakes his head but doesn't comment.

That's disheartening. At least I don't have to run around searching for the kunai, they are all arranged in plain sight. I sigh and slump a little, but don't show any more signs of being down.

When every student went through the routine twice, we give back the kunai and are lead to another, bigger training grounds. The other class is already there running through taijutsu stances as a group. We join them and do nothing else but mindless repeats of taking and holding the stances our instructors show.

Kosaku-sensei walks between us to check that we are concentrating and not slacking off, while his colleague stands in the front and demonstrates the stances.

The exercise stretches endlessly, the sun beating down on us and muscles strained until one after the other students break formation to rest their aching limbs. They are sent away with quick and quiet words while the rest of us keeps on going.

I am one of the last there, biting down the discomfort and pushing through as best as I can despite my shaking muscles. When I finally drop, unable to keep standing, I have to take a few minutes before I can roll over and push unsteadily to my feet. Sensei gives me the time I need, before guiding me away from the two others still standing.

"Well done", he acknowledges, "Perseverance and determination are very important for taijutsu training, but you also have to know your limits."

With that rather vague and unhelpful statement he leaves me and I stand dumbly for a moment, before deciding to go back to the classroom.

The stairs are hell as muscles all over my body ache something fierce, so I take it slowly. Nobody else seems to be around the halls. Everybody else either has lessons or went home already. It's eerily silent, but I'm also glad nobody sees me like this.

The classroom is empty bar two boys chatting and probably waiting for the last of my classmates to finish with taijutsu. I greet them and wish them a nice day after retrieving my notebook, worksheet and pen.

They return my well-wishes and laugh a little at how sore I am. It's not exactly mean laughter, so I opt to snicker with them. It is pretty funny, the way I walk like a penguin.

When I step out of the Academy gates, I take in the high sun and beautiful weather. I still have some time before evening rises and that woman comes back from work, so I waddle my way towards the official training grounds to enjoy the sunshine at the memorial stone.

I like coming there. It's usually deserted bar the occasional encounter with Kakashi and quite peaceful. With the sounds of rustling wind thorough the forest and the rushing of the nearby river and the smooth, clean surface of the memorial it makes for a calming surrounding perfect for things that require my concentration.

Like puzzling over a worksheet especially designed to torture me.

I hate not being able to read and write is a horrible handicap for me and I can't wait to be rid of it.

Reading used to be my primary hobby, something I did in every available minute I had to the point that my friends in college didn't even blink when I whipped out my phone in their presence and proceeded to ignore everything around me. That didn't do anything for my social competence but I always found somebody that didn't mind, so it didn't matter to much to me.

But now I am cut off from that and have been for five long years. It's horrible and drags my mood down every time I think about it.

Playing with chakra now takes the spot of number one thing I do when I'm bored or want to distract myself. It's unique and can be a lot of fun and it's so interesting to explore and think of the possibilities its existence presents, so it's a good compensation, but I miss reading nonetheless.

Kakashi is at the stone today, standing motionlessly and starting at it like always is when I meet him here. He's wearing his black shinobi attire that is so utterly utilitarian and void of any personality. The end of the pants are tucked into the bandages on his shins that in turn disappear under the black toeless shinobi sandals. There are pouches on his thigh and hip and he wears that weird shapeless grey flak jacket that I haven't seen on anyone else yet.

The only thing about his attire other than the face mask or the crooked hitai-ate that has any kind of character are the arm guards he wears. Each is made up of three pieces of overlapping metal strapped to unattached sleeves that has another metal piece sewn on that shields the back of the hand.

I like these arm guards. They are special and it's good to see something like that on him when he dresses so dull in contrast to his contemporaries.

Stepping up next to him, I look at the giant of a man. I reach hip level to him now, which is better than before but trying to meet his eyes still gives me a crick in the neck.

I wait until Kakashi acknowledges my presence by sparing me a glance, then I greet him with a smile. "Hello, _isi."_

He sighs. "Hello, Hikari-chan."

I giggle. After about a year of saying that answer for him when he couldn't be bothered to greet me back, he finally took the hint. It was the first thing I got him to say to me and since then I can sometimes even hold a conversation with him. Hehe, I'm really proud at that.

"Today was my first day at the Academy", I confide my smile stretching into a grin when Kakashi simply hums. "The Hokage gave a speech and all, it was very exciting." My tone is even, because I'm pretty sure Kakashi doesn't care for squealing and loud children and I don't want to annoy him unnecessarily ... well, if you overlook that I annoy him into talking to me at all. _Meh, who's nit-picking like that?_

Kakashi looks at me flatly. "Was it now?"

"Oh, yes, very, very exciting." There is a certain kind of humour in stating things in an even or flat tone. It doesn't even have to be sarcastic, just the discrepancy between inflection and content of a statement can be hilarious and I totally get why Kakashi likes his dry intonations so much. I practise it on him and I'm pretty sure he noticed how I'm copying his rhetoric, but I don't know whether it amuses him or not. I'd like to think it does.

His answer is a noncommittal hum again and he looks back forwards signalling the end of our conversation. I take a step forward and sit down on the stone dais surrounding the memorial to work on the worksheet and the notes I made in class.

We don't exchange any more words until I have to go.

"Bye, _isi_ ", I say and he hums in acknowledgement. He does that a lot, humming or grunting or snorting instead of using words, but I don't mind much.

I get back to the apartment just as that woman unlocks the door. Slipping inside I hurry to get out of her way and observe her from across the room in order to gauge her mood before deciding on an approach.

That woman looks worn down and not very chipper right now, but is also not fuming or in an especially bitter funk, so I decide that I can afford to ask for her help on the worksheet.

We get about halfway through the text before she loses her patience. Better than could be expected. My body is so sore already that it won't really make a difference tomorrow _what_ I'm hurting from. At least I can work out a lot more with the new information I've gained.


	3. Abuse

AN: Moi moi, dear readers. Peruna here. This chapter is a day earlier than I planned (I kind of thought about making sunday a set day for updates) and that's partly because it's been finished for most of the week with me struggeling on the fourth chapter. So, here's the thing: I would really enjoy some feedback. If you're reading this, drop a comment about what you like, but _especially_ what you **don't** like. I need some idea of what I'm doing wrong to get better and I really, _really_ want to improve because improving is much more fun than being reassured.

So yeah, please give me your opinion, especially about Hikari, because I'm not sure she's properly balanced as a character.

With that off my chest, thank you to **_skye-speedy_** , **_Cisk Kazzarch_** and also **_Nellyqt_** for your reviews, they made me happy.

To **_Cisk Kazzarch_** : You should! I find thanking an author on fanfiction(dot)net for writing or updating their stories a very good way to start or end a review because they spend a lot of their free time on this and the fact that they upload it to this website so that I can enjoy it too makes me genuinely thankful. That's just my opinion, though. If you're thankful or enjoyed a chapter, say so! If you absolutely hate my guts because I'm mean, say so as well, it might have been intentional. I'd thankful for _honest_ feedback, no matter how repetitive it might seem. ;)

To **_skye-speedy_** : Hehe, wouldn't you like to know? But sorry, no spoilers here. Then again, I can divulge that Hikari isn't even in the same grade as Team Gai right now, what with her early enrolment. A real shame, too, as I imagine hanging around Lee would do her some good. Also, Kakashi finding out that he has a daugter and that she's Gai's student in the same sentence would break his mind and that would be a hilarious scene to write, so maybe I'll make it happen anyway :P About pairings: There's nothing really planned for that right now, but you can always tell me if you ship something, we all have our hopes and fantasies ;)

To **_Nellyqt_** : Thanks for your review! You know, I find it super interesting to scroll through the traffic stats and see where my readers are from. Surprisingly, on this story, visitors from Czechia are the third most common aside all the native English speakers. Did you recommend it or something? If so, thanks! :)

 **This story is rated M for an audience of age** **s 16 and above.**

 **I do not own Naruto.**

 **3**

I'm hungry. My stomach clenches and aches and it is an all around very distracting feeling.

Beads of sweat run down my face and into my eyes as I hold my position, muscles trembling and screaming for rest. I try to concentrate on that instead of the hunger. Distract myself. It works only halfway in that I am very aware of how exhausted my body is _in addition_ to my hurting stomach.

I hate being hungry. It's a feeling I am intimately familiar with by now and I despise it with passion.

Sensei switches his position and I follow his lead. I'm the last one today and I can see that he is debating whether or not to call the end of the lesson. It's not the first time that I alone remain while my classmates go home. I don't know if there is actually a time limit to these end-of-the-day lessons or if Sensei will stay as long as we can hold out. Not that I have reached the two hour mark for the taijutsu training yet. Though that is how much time I suspect is allotted to it in the daily schedule and curious at what happens if a student actually holds out till the end I made it my goal to achieve.

One has to find motivation _somewhere_ and physical exercise is a nice counter pole to all my playing around with chakra. The unwanted side effect is that it uses a lot of calories and increases my need for sustenance. Sustenance that I have a hard time finding. Which leads to hunger. _Ugh._

My left leg, the traitor, folds and I go down. One moment I lie there staring at the cloudy sky, then Kosaku-sensei steps into my field of vision. Rolling my head to better see him, I observe how he shakes his head at me.

"Hikari-chan, didn't I tell you to take it easy?" His voice is neutral, not giving away whether he is annoyed or disappointed or whatever else he might be. So I simply answer with the obvious.

"Yes, Sensei, you did."

"And why is it that you still push yourself until you collapse?" Sensei pointedly looks over my crumpled form. " _Every_ day?", he adds.

I shrug slightly, my shoulders grinding against the dirt with the movement. "It makes me feel better, Sensei."

The man raises an eyebrow but his face remains neutral. He seems to evaluate me for a long moment, before he decides: "Fine. Starting tomorrow, I will teach you some basic katas. It might be good if you lay your focus on taijutsu given your grades in other classes."

As I watch Kosaku-sensei leave the training ground, I seethe silently. He thinks me dumb because my test scores underwhelm. He thinks just because I can't formulate the correct answer to written questions or keep quiet in class that I'm stupid. That just because my grades are disastrous I'm not good enough to become a ninjutsu or genjutsu specialist. As if working with chakra is dependant on my ability to express myself. And even if my grades were a matter of intelligence -which they are not, my beautiful new brain works so much better than my old one- that wouldn't mean my chakra control was bad. Hell, he even _knows_ that I have good chakra control, _how_ can he just write me off like that?

Fuelled by my silent anger, I roll onto my hands and knees and push myself up from there. Then I trudge to the classroom to retrieve my school materials.

In the hallways I encounter some upperclassmen that just got dismissed and are excited to go home. Their chattering is irrelevant to me though, so I tune it out just as I ignore the odd looks I get for being so young and dirty and sweaty.

I look down at my clothes. _I'll have to wash them in the sink this evening so that they won't look dusty and stained tomorrow._ Annoyingly there are also some minor rips and tears that I'll have to mend, too, and I need to get a needle and yarn for that.

So once I have my notebook with all the loose worksheets in it under my arm and my pen tucked into my trouser pocket, I head into the shopping district.

 _This might be tricky_. Acquisition of goods without any available funds always is. _But I need a sewing kit_. My stomach rumbles loudly and I rub at it in hopes that the pain would dull already. _And something to eat, this is getting ridiculous._

It's harvest season, about two months having passed since the start of the school term, so the farmers market will be full of merchants and customers. I won't enjoy the press of people I'll have to brave, but yet again: Crowds make a good cover. That is especially true when the stall owners have come to recognise me on sight. And not the good kind of recognise. They know me as a petty thief, which is true on all counts but somewhat bad for trying to be inconspicuous.

I slip into the crush of bodies around the market stalls and orient myself mainly by the calls of the vendors since I can't see my surroundings through all the people blocking my vision.

Mostly concealed by a group of Akimichi clansmen on a shopping spree, I near the booth of a rather aggressive salesmen advertising his packed bentos and other assorted ready-to-eat snacks.

I don't like this guy all that much. He has a nasty personality even if his food is pretty good. He was also the only one of the vendors here that shooed me away from his stall the very first time he ever saw me -a small, hungry three-year-old that I was back then and not the established thief I'm now.

All the others at least showed some level of compassion, even if only two of them actually fed me something for free. Their stalls I leave well alone, but I have no such preconceptions against hindering this guys business, so I sneak behind his back while he's distracted by a customer and snag two boxes and a packed onigiri out of the storage. Then I make a hasty and mostly silent retreat.

I only know that he spotted my back disappearing into the crowd when he starts yelling and cursing me out without ever suspecting that I've already done the deed. The idea that he thinks he has successfully driven me off before I could steal something makes me grin.

Bouncing a little on my sore feet, I make my way toward the memorial stone to relish in my spoils and break my brain over the stupid worksheets I have to finish by the next day. It is desolate as it has been for a good month now with Kakashi gone to who-knows-where.

He's probably on a mission. Probably for the ANBU, too. I don't know if he took any missions above-board during this time in the original series, but I don't think he does now.

I've seen him in full ANBU gear a few times now, when he didn't go home after a mission before coming to the memorial stone. The sight of him standing there with drooped shoulders and blood-spattered uniform, the dog mask in one hand hanging limply next to his body was horrible, but the empty and tired look on his face was so much worse. It still haunts my nightmares from time to time. And it reassures me that it was the right decision not to burden him with fatherhood.

Sighing sadly I sit in front of the stone. I miss Kakashis presence here. Seeing the clearing day after day without him in it leaves me feeling lonely and empty. It makes the memorial stone seem more depressing and dreary than I usually see it as and I wonder if that is what other people feel when they come here to mourn.

Admittedly, not a lot of people come here except for Kakashi and me.

Kakashi is a dark ball of sadness and grief and unable to function like a normal human being, so he spends his free time doing what he does best: wallowing in the darkness of his heart, while I am just so abnormal that I actually like spending time here because no one can really reach me here, which is a thoroughly positive thing in my books. The fact that I don't know anyone whose name is engraved in the stone on a personal level might also play into that, because the memorial isn't a reminder of lost loved ones to me. At least not in the way it is for the other people.

Sometimes, when I can't find my peace even here, I stare at the memorial stone the way Kakashi usually does. Those times I remember all my family, all my friends. I pull their names and appearances out of the deepest part of my soul and I remember what I can from them, revisiting events that happened and wondering how they took my death.

My mother, I know, must have cried and despaired and been inconsolable. She had been an utter mess when I had a major accident at age fifteen and lay in the hospital. Back then I hadn't died of the life-threatening internal bleeding only because my mum had insisted on a more thorough examination by the doctors. The next time it happened she hadn't been there, been unable to fight for my survival. It must have broken her. Not that she could have done anything anyhow, not like she had known. Nobody had known about my accident except the hit-and-run driver that left me dying in the street in the middle of the night.

Yes, when I am in a down mood, these kind of thoughts are the ones that come to me easily. I've always thought Before that death is only unkind to the living who are left behind, because for those that die it's over. They can't feel anything, they simply are no more. No sadness, no pain, no regret, only nothingness.

But obviously I was wrong, because I can grieve and feel pain and regret leaving my former life behind. If I am really dead or in a coma or whatever, I can't definitively say, but there is no going back for me, no conceivable way to find back to reality on my own should this new life turn out to be a particularly elaborate dream.

I let out a another deep sigh, much louder than I normally allow myself, but there is nobody here but me, so it doesn't matter. Opening the first bento and spotting the rice and teriyaki chicken with some side vegetables inside, I clap my hands and break the chopsticks.

"Itadakimasu!"

Then I hesitate. _Since I'm already thinking about my past life ..._

" _Guten Appetit! Bon appetite! Smacznego! Hyvää ruokahalua! Enjoy! ..."_ Thinking for a moment whether or not I know another language to say that it, I add a " _Buon appetito!"_ and nod. That was all of them.

While eating, my mind drifts over other words and sentences I learned a literal lifetime ago. It used to be such a huge problem for me to build and retain a good vocabulary in the foreign languages I studied, but now once I recall them from the Before they are sorted and saved in my memory, as easily found and used as a computer reads its hard drive. That doesn't mean I remember much of any language except English, German and the odd Finnish word or phrase, just that since my rebirth here not much has been lost.

It saddens me a little that I can't remember a lot of the other foreign languages I've learned back then or that my grasp on Finnish had been so lacking and that I will never be able to improve it now. But the time I've spent during my first years here thinking in English or German at least ensured that I still recall them fluently. Added to that is the veritable arsenal of random songs in equally random languages I sung or hummed in that time and still occasionally give voice to.

Following that stray thought I start humming _Dragostea din tei_ , which is one of those songs that I only have a shaky grasp on the lyrics of, mainly because I never learned Romanian. It is still a fun song to belt out at the top of your lung, if you're in the mood. I'm not currently, but humming it still lifts my spirits as I think back to the summer when I was a kid and so determined to learn the lyrics of this song by listening to it over and over and over again until my brother got fed up with me and stole the CD out of the stereo to never give back again.

After finishing with the first bento, I immediately crack open the second one. It's a bit much to eat all of this at once and my stomach will probably be somewhat uncomfortably full afterwards, but it has become an ingrained habit to stuff myself with all the food available. Right now, I don't have to rush eating or force myself to eat all of my meal at once but the force of habit is a hard thing to resist. Through sheer determination and the knowledge that no one will take my food away from me here, I set the bento down and close it again.

I take a deep breath, then I push the box a little away and grab my notebook. I'll eat it before I go. No need to get a burst stomach over nothing, no matter how hungry I was an hour ago. So I get to work, still humming while I doodle Hiragana and other assorted symbols into the pages of my notebook, stalling because I don't want to start on the worksheets. Sometime later I set the booklet down and grab the sheets, because procrastination doesn't help with anything.

 **-O-**

Later that day, I pack up the empty boxes to throw away and stuff the remaining onigiri into my pants pocket. I'll eat it ... sometime tonight. So long as it's hidden from that woman ... She is worse lately, has been getting to the point of lashing out for no reason. If I knew where else to go, then I'd scram for a few days and give her space and time to calm down ... But I don't have anywhere else to go and still need a place to sleep, so after sneaking into a supermarket and surreptitiously liberating a small sewing kit in a cloth case I return to the apartment building.

I arrive just in time to slip into the flat, brushing past that woman in a hurry and wanting to skedaddle into the corner with my crib right away. However, I am stopped by a hand fisting in the back of my shirt. The cloth gives a small tearing sound that tells me that the neckline has just been stretched beyond its limit and won't go back to normal again and I cringe, hunching my shoulders up around my ears.

That woman grabs one of them painfully and yanks me around, so that I face her stomach while she no doubt glowers down at me.

"Where were you the whole day?", she demands.

I stay silent.

She yanks on my ear and that hurts, but I don't answer.

"Did you know that your teacher came to find me at work today?! To talk to me about how you exhaust yourself at the Academy?"

I did not. I also do not see the point of her sharing that information with me. I stay silent.

She releases my ear to slap me. I throw my head to the side to lessen the impact without looking like I dodged.

"Answer me", that woman growls but I don't. This is just a farce to find another reason to attack. If I answer, she'll be angry that I talk back, if I don't, she'll be angry about showing no respect. A no-win situation for me, so I keep with the most predictable outcome of her lashing out every time I don't answer instead of her beating me down while screaming about how I am to obey her because she is my mother or something along those lines.

Another slap, this one I'm not able to evade as well, leaves my left ear ringing, which incites my fury. This is not acceptable! I am so happy not to have a tinnitus anymore, she can't take that away from me!

Angrily I step out of her reach and stare defiantly at her face. I still don't say anything, my protest silent because the part of my brain that's trimmed for survival knows that I have already gone too far.

I have just enough time to bring up my arms to shield my face before her fist connects. The momentum of her blow pushes me to the side and I stumble. Just barely regaining my balance before the next one hits, I brace myself for the abuse.

That woman is yelling something while she throws her fists at me, but I don't listen, all my energy goes toward protecting my head because _like hell I'm gonna get a concussion because of her!_

Her aim is already migrating down towards my torso, so that the bruises won't be easily. It hurts like hell, even as I twist and turn to avoid the worst of it.

No sound passes my lips though, only a few pained exhales can be heard when her punches press the air out of my lungs. When she is this angry about my teacher talking to her about me, I don't want to know what she'll do when he neighbours start whispering.

Why is she so angry at me? I understand that she never wanted to have a child and that my existence is causing her problems with her family, but does this really help her? Does she hope that it'll be better when she kills me? Is that actually her plan?

A punch connects with my liver and I drop, my body curling into foetal position on the ground against my will. If I didn't know what dying feels like, I would have thought that I'd expire then and there. But with the excruciatingly detailed memory of dying slowly in a freezing winter night still fresh in my mind thanks to this horribly wonderful new brain of mine, my logical side doesn't get overwhelmed by the bodies instinctual shutdown, by the fear and panic that wash reflexively over you when your largest internal organ is damaged.

But with my body working against me, I can't hold back the whimpers anymore. That woman's foot collides with my back, no doubt bruising a kidney, and a stifled cry comes out of my mouth without permission. I clench my teeth, accidentally biting my cheek in the process and tasting coppery blood.

"Don't whine, you deserve this for being nothing but a burden." That woman's voice is cold with derision.

Then I can feel her fingers circling around the back of my neck and tightening so much, I see black spots growing in my vision. That's why I miss how she drags me to the crib and dumps me in.

For a long time, I concentrate on breathing. Deliriously I count my shallow inhales and exhales. In and out. In and out.

I shudder, my body both demanding and protesting the action. In and out. Breathe in, breathe out. Twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-...

My abs relax and the tension in my body leaves. I don't know if this is better or worse. Everything hurts. I forget to breathe, then I remember. In and out. In and out. Slowly. In and out, no, faster, not that slow. In. And out.

When the adrenaline fades, I can't take it anymore. Silent tears leak out from under pressed shut eyelids and my breathing catches. I-In a-a-and ou-out.

Ow.

Ow.

In and ...

 **-O-**

I decide to skip school the next day, too preoccupied by my aching hurts to move in the morning. My whole body is stiff and the bruising runs pretty deep, which means that many a muscle stings with pain when I flex it.

That woman leaves in the morning and I sleep easier.

She comes back in the afternoon to eat lunch and I play dead, not even twitching when she gifts me with a disgusted look.

When she leaves again, I force myself up and start undressing. The action hurts but what doesn't right now? I examine my naked body, look over the bruises, feel and poke the skin to assess the extent of the damages. Much worse than any five-year-old should ever have to endure, but nothing life-threatening right now.

Moving slowly I start mending the damages on my shirt and pants with the stolen sewing kit. The colour of the thread is black and it shows on the shirt but I can't bring myself to care. I try to tighten the collar were that woman pulled it out of form and it looks passable, but not really good.

When I get to the pants, I find the squished remains of the onigiri. One moment I stare dispassionately at the lump of rice and bean paste, then I eat it, because it's the only food I'll have today and healing takes a lot of energy out of the body.

That done, I wash the clothes in the sink, pounding and rubbing them intensely before wringing them out and hanging them over the side of the crib that faces the wall to make them more inconspicuous while they dry.

After that, I roll under the blanket of the crib that's getting a little small for me by now and go back to sleep. I awake when that woman comes back into the flat and stay alert until she is fast asleep before drifting off again.

 **-O-**

I slip into the classroom, imitating the straight backed and purposeful gait I usually employ when I don't have blue and purple bruises littering my body. It's a pain, but a pain I am more than willing to take on in order to stave off questions and for once I am happy over the way my unruly hair hangs around my shoulders because it hides the finger shaped bruising on my neck.

"Hikari-chan, a word please."

 _Shit!_ _Did he see something?_ It seems Kosaku-sensei isn't easily fooled. He looks me up and down as I approach.

"You weren't in class yesterday, care to explain yourself?" Sensei regards me sternly and very teacherly. He's learned that look over the last two months and it is _super effective_ against the other students but rolls off me like water off a ducks wing.

I purposefully let my shoulders slump forward as if dejected and say: "I was sore from taijutsu class. You were right, Kosaku-sensei, I was pushing myself too hard." It's a lie but it comes almost naturally to me. In the Before I lied a lot about everyday stuff, a habit born from being the bratty youngest and always pinning my brothers with all kinds of shit, so I had my deception skills down pat.

Kosaku-sensei swallows the lie easily. "I see your mother brought this up with you, then?"

The urge do scoff bitterly is strong, but somehow I resist. "Yes, Sensei, she did."

"Will you continue to push yourself to the brink of exhaustion in taijutsu class?"

"No, Sensei." I admit that I'm saddened by that being taken from me, but I can always do this stuff on my own, so I won't have to fully give up the nice feeling that comes from hard physical exercise.

"That's good to hear. If you aren't careful you'll stunt your growth. It's not good for young children to do intense physical training." Kosaku-sensei's tone is almost soft and caring -also something he learned during the last months of interacting with young children- but there is something else in there that throws that picture off. It might just be my 'foreknowledge' calling bullshit because many clans push their prodigies when they are young and ninja children don't have a problem with stunted growth resulting from that.

 _Just look at Itachi! Or, well, don't look at him now, he's probably, like, nine right now. But he's a big guy in the series, so there. I bet Kosaku-sensei is just happy that he won't have to teach me the katas now._

That thought depresses me and when Sensei dismisses me, I trudge up the stairs with the same slumped shoulders. I sit and endure the classes. The mornings are homeroom class and body enhancement training, so after the weird free rolling period, which I'm sure is meant for controlled socializing with your future comrades-in-arms, we head out to run laps and do push ups and the likes. After that is history and the rest of the daily routine.

The day stretches itself endlessly and the physical classes are incredibly painful, so I don't even have to fake leaving the taijutsu earlier than I usually do because of sore muscles.

Once I have my notebook and pen, I trudge to the memorial stone and lay down next to it. I have a bruise on the small of my back and it stings to lie on it but I ignore the pain because any other position would be even less favourable.

Letting my eyes drift shut I doze off, my tired body using the peace and safety to get some rest.

A few hours later I wake up when somebody steps up to me and consequently blocks the evening sun. I crack my eyes open to squint at the shadowed figure, dimly suspicious of who it might be. But my groggy mind needs a moment to shift from dream to reality, so the time it took for me to focus on the other person was awkwardly long.

 _When Alexander laid eyes upon the humble man in the barrel, he was touched by the man's philosophy and offered: "You may have one request and whatever you wish for, I will ensure it will be fulfilled." The dirty old man looked up at him and said_ _: "Get out of the sun!" So the emperor stepped aside and deeply impressed said:_

" _If I weren't Alexander, I wish I could be Diogenes_ ", I cite to the one standing over me.

Kakashi takes off the dog mask and blinks down at me, visibly tired and a little befuddled by the quote he just heard but didn't understand, it being said in English and not Japanese. "What?", he asks.

I blink the sleep out of my eyes and sit up. "Hello _isi._ "

His answer is well practised and comes easy to him. "Hello Hikari-chan." Then he hesitates. "What did you just say?" It sounds as if he isn't sure he wants an answer. I'm half sure he thinks me crazy, because I spend so much time here or because I don't shy away from him or for whatever other silly reason. I don't mind much either way.

"It's from an old story", I simply state. If he wants to know more then he'll ask, right now there is something much more important. "You're back!" I exclaim joyfully and throw my arms up as if I was on a rollercoaster. The motion pulls on my bruises and aching muscles and I have to quickly hide a wince.

"I am." Kakashi's tone is level and from the sharp glint of his open grey eye I can read that he is much more perceptive than Kosaku-sensei. He sees right through my attempts to hide my injuries and the stare down he gives me with one eye while he pulls his hitai-ate down to cover the other one demands answers.

I lower my arms carefully and pull on the grass between my legs. "I, uhh ... I got into a fight", I admit in a half true way that should give me some credibility.

He stares. Then, "What is the extend of your injuries?"

Remembering that I have bruises on my neck that I am currently displaying with the way I look up at him, I lower my gaze to the memorial stone. "Just some bruises. Nothing bad."

Kakashi hums, probably not sure if that kind of thing was normal for children my age and whether or not he believes me. In the end he decides to let it be.

I wish he wouldn't have. I wish he would have demanded to see, would have investigated or called me out on my lie. Maybe if he took me to the hospital, child protective services would step in. Then again, did Konoha even have child protective services?

I sit there for a while and just stare at the sleek stone, biting down my disappointment, then I look Kakashi over. His posture is slumped. There are cracks in his ANBU armour forearm protectors and one shoulder strip of his flak jacket is sliced open. Combined with the deeply exhausted, somewhat pale and sickly look to his exposed eye I would say he just came from reporting in after a difficult assignment.

"Did your mission go okay?", I ask him tentatively, eying he weird fluid that's staining his pants and sniffing at that rancid odour that clings to him. Yes, I have found out that next to my sight and hearing my sense of smell also skyrocketed. Right now that's not doing me any favours though because Kakashi reeks.

The man in question looks back down to me and graces me with a falsely cheerful eye-smile. "Of course." You know Kakashi is lying when his tone is anything other that flat, so his weak cheery facade doesn't deceive me. "I even made a new friend!"

Okay, that sounds like a lie, but something itches my brain. Kakashi doesn't have many friends, not in the original _Naruto_ series and especially not right now in this reality, but there was someone he met during his ANBU career that he was pretty close to, wasn't there? That Mokuton user, Yamato. _Or was it Tenzou?_ No idea. Can it be that this was the mission that freed Tenzou from this attachments to ROOT?

I have no way really to find out, because Kakashi sure as hell won't talk to me, a five-year-old he barely admits to knowing, about classified ANBU missions. So I let the matter drop from my thoughts. I still have my whole life here to get to know all the characters from the series, so there is no need to try and force it and maybe reveal my hand to the wrong person in the process.

"Friends are good", I state in that dry tone I'm practising, "They eat dango with you."

Kakashi drops the cheerful act and shrugs. He is about to turn back to the stone when he halts and looks at the position of the sun. "You are usually on your way home by now."

The statement catches me slightly off guard and I stare openly at Kakashi who doesn't look at me, preferring to observe the sky. I know he catches my reaction though, his situational awareness is nothing to joke about.

He is right, of course, it's late and I'll probably have to hurry in order to be on time, so I stumble to my feet with a muttered "Stalker." I'm both not surprised that Kakashi took note of my usual times and not bothered by him pointing out that I'm going to be late. He is not one to talk, of course, but that he cares enough to remind me touches me deeply.

Maybe I'm overreacting, but his little gesture fills me with happiness from top to bottom and I really want to hug him. I don't though, going simply with the usual "Bye, _isi_." He hums back, actually looking at me as I skedaddle.

Yes, I might still be hurting in a sore and bruised body, but at this moment I am giddy with happiness. I really did miss Kakashi, it's good that he's back.

 **-O-**

A few weeks pass without much to disturb my new rhythm. I go through the whole school routine, doing passably well with practical classes and being abysmal with everything that requires reading. Although I have _some_ progress to show by now for the amount of effort I pour into learning the proper Japanese writing system, it's simply not enough yet.

I leave taijutsu class as the second to last every day and retrieve my things from the classroom to go to the memorial stone. More often than not I meet Kakashi there and when I do, we exchange greetings and I work silently on my school material. Kakashis presence makes me content to simply sit and gnaw at the Katakana and Kanji Sensei requires us to know. When he isn't at the stone I get frustrated more easily and usually decide to work my body into the ground and exhaust myself in order to get _some_ feeling of accomplishment.

It's a good thing that the memorial stone is situated on a training ground, a fact that I use shamelessly for my own benefit. I don't want anybody to pay attention to me and running my rounds around Konoha would have done that. So this ground, which hardly ever sees use otherwise is perfect for me.

I spend a lot of time tiring myself out there when Kakashi vanishes again at the beginning of December.

I miss him fiercely and start illogically searching for him when I wander the streets trying to find his languid form in the crowds.

Spending so much time walking around Konoha after my training sessions also has another reason: That woman is in a bad mood. She constantly is. And when she doesn't lash out physically, she withholds food to make me suffer. It's somehow cathartic for her to watch me squirm. I don't understand it, but it leads to me having to find something to eat for myself. It leads to me stealing. Which gives me a bad reputation amongst shop owners and I have to always be mindful not to stay in one area too long, because there is a growing number of people who are upset with me. Which is putting it mildly.

The situation is pretty uncomfortable right now and that brings me here, to the back alley behind one of the more fancy civilian restaurants.

I cower behind a trash can at the dead end of the alley while watching the back door of the establishment. It only takes a few minutes before the door opens and a waiter steps out to empty a bin of trash into the giant dumpster across from the doorstep. He pulls the door closed again and I dart forward, intent on going through the fresh waste. And it really is a waste. There is a perfectly fine steak that has been barely touched and more other such rejected foodstuffs.

I feast on the thrown away goods and try my best to ignore the putrid smell that rises from the older garbage further down in the dumpster. I've been eying this opportunity for a free meal for a while now, but couldn't bring myself to take it earlier because of this exact smell.

Dumpster diving takes a lot more persuasion for me to do now than in the Before, where supermarkets regularly threw fully packaged and clean food away just because its due date had passed. Now, most of the stuff being thrown away has actually gone bad and there is no packaging separating the good from the bad either. But in the end, after finding this place that throws a lot of edible stuff away, I couldn't find a better option to sate my growing hunger.

Once I'm full, I climb back out of the giant metal container and look down at my stinking, dirty clothes. The price for feeling a lot better is feeling a bit worse.

... I can't be seen like this. I especially can't go back to the apartment like this. So I make my way through the back streets and alleys to the training ground with the memorial stone. There is a river at the edge of it where I can wash up.

I go bathing with my clothes on and that is not a good option to take because the water is freezing cold. _Right, December, not the best time of the year to go swimming_.

My limbs shake and my teeth shatter even when I clench them shut. The cold sinks deep into my body and wars with the comfortable warmth spreading from my chakra coils. Mindlessly scrubbing at the stains, I turn my attention inwards and observe that with every sliver of chakra that races through a muscle to support an especially violent shiver comes a tinge of warmth.

 _So ... temperature regulation via chakra use is a possibility?_ What an interesting thought, that line of questioning should be explored further!

Excited I draw my chakra out of its stores and gather a lump of it in my middle. Instantly the area grows warm around the mass of energy. I concentrate on the sensation. Yes, the tissue around the coils is much warmer now while the further out from there I focus my attention the colder it grows.

So my chakra has a constant temperature, probably around my normal body temperature. but that only helps me heat up the tissues directly around my coils and not even very efficiently! Not good enough!

I get out of the river and start doing some basic exercises to warm up the old fashioned way while also keeping attention to the way my chakra flowed naturally during them. Yeah, it flows a lot more animatedly once I set my muscles working.

The instinctual body enhancement anyone with larger than civilian chakra reserves goes through during exercise is something fascinating to watch and observe. Without conscious thought chakra slips out of my coils to supply the strained muscles in time with my pulse and with it comes a comfortable heat.

It takes barely ten minutes for my body to reach a healthy internal temperature again. Just in time too, because I'm much too exhausted for a second training session today. Also, I should get back to the apartment, even if my clothes are still wet and cold. At least they're not dripping so maybe that woman won't notice.


	4. The Price of Knowledge

AN: Moi moi, dear readers. Peruna here. Since I am apparantly absolutely incapable of writing ahead of my uploads, you get the fourth chapter now, because the fifth is giving me a major headache and I want to get on with it. Yes, I am aware that doesn't make sense, don't question my logic! Heh. So, yeah ... I don't think there will be a real schedule for updates, I'll try to give you a chapter once a week though.

Onto community service! Yes, that's what I'm calling it. If you guys think the ANs are getting too long, tell me and I'll start answering reviews by PM, but I myself usually find the author notes interesting to read, which is why I'm doing this in the first place. So a round of thanks for all my lovely reviewers and also thanks to those wonderful people that put this fanfic into their listings. Special thanks for those awesome people that took the time to give me a more specific feedback, you're awesome. _Super special_ _thanks_ to **_TheCauldron_** for helping me with hammering the plot out, you're awesome!

To **_skye-speedy_** : That would be quite the convenient resolution to all of Hikari's problems. Also the reason, it won't happen. I'm mean that way. If people want to read quick fix, I could write your suggestion into a one-shot, but I won't go that easy on my characters in this story :P

To **_Anja.Nuehm_** : Wow. You curse like a sailor! It's inspiring! Mind if I steal your rant if I ever write Hidan? Anyway, it's good to know that my writings are the cause for such strong emotions in my readers, that makes me feel pretty accomplished, so thank you for sharing! I don't plan to put this story under Hiatus, the reviews I get usually motivate me to finish the next chapter, so there's no need.

To **_Nellyqt_** : Don't worry, this fanfiction won't be centred around romance. Instead I'll mainly focus on character development, because that's what interests me the most right now.

To **_sucuri_** : Heh, I've really pushed the reading problem, haven't I? Almost every review mentioned it, which makes me pretty happy about my timing. I myself learned reading before starting school, which means I was four or five at the time, so it's not _impossible_ for kids to be literate at that age. The reason nobody really sees it as a problem for Hikari is twofold. One, shinobi parents generally push their kids harder than civilians, so young readers aren't uncommon. Two, since Hikari is an Academy student, and Academy students know how to read, she must obviously know as well. Obvious fallacy is obvious to everyone that cares, but nobody really does.

To **_LalondeBii_** : Thanks for pointing out he grammar mistakes, I'll keep an eye out for those pesky asides ;) Don't worry about me killing off potential future conflict, I didn't set up the situation just to throw the possibilities away :P Also, thank you for your thoughts on Hikari's character, reading what people think of her personality is pretty entertaining when one knows where the plot will go.

To **_Akira D. Ryusuke_** : Thank you for your incredivly positive reviews here and on **A Bearable Fate**. I really, _dearly_ hope that the reading issues aren't the only thing that keeps Hikari's character balanced, because it's not feasable for her not to learn eventually with how much effort she puts into it. The question on hikari's chakra reserves is a very good one because ... I'm not decided yet. On one hand, Hikari doesn't have a genetic disposition towards large reserves with her maternal family being civilians and Kakashi ... well, he isn't known for his large reserves is he? On the other hand, Hikari has been exercising her coils from a very young age on, so her reserves being enlarged would be reasonable as well. Thoughts on the topic would certainly be appreciated :)

Thanks as well to the **guest reviewers**! "Isi" is Finnish and translates to "Daddy".

 **I do not own Naruto.**

 **4**

Wind blows trough the thick ruff of my hair, flinging it back over my shoulders and letting it flutter behind my head like a lumpy flag. The clearing around me blurs and at the same time doesn't, speed blending the grass and trees together while sharp eyes and lightning-fast reflexes pick out the path in front of me. My feet dance as they use the ideal spots to touch ground and propel me forward again, my chest heaves but doesn't strain to pump much needed air in and out of my lungs and my arms trail limply in the oh so typical ninja way after me.

The rush is exhilarating and short-lived, which makes it that much more exciting. My muscles protest as my tenuous grip on the chakra enhancing them wavers and I tumble to the ground, rolling and laughing to bleed off momentum.

I lay on the patchy grass among the wild spring flowers and pant and giggle and take the time to come down from the adrenaline rush.

 _That was amazing!_

A slightly breathless whoop sounds and I throw my arms up for a brief moment before letting them fall back into the fresh greenery.

 _What an achievement! I'm faster than a cheetah!_

Okay, that's probably not true, but it certainly felt that way. Finally, _finally_ I figured out the best amount of chakra supply and how exactly it needs to be shaped in order to emulate the natural muscle enhancing, I've been experimenting with for months now! No matter that I can't hold onto the fine balance while running around like a supernatural ADS kid, that's so much _fun_! _The speed! The kick! The Speed!_

I have a pretty solid idea that this will be my new favourite pastime. Screw the stances, _I wanna feel free like a bird! Hah! Take that nature! I'll be the fastest six-year-old the world has ever seen! Muhahahahahaa!_

If I was serious about my training I'd of course go right back to the boring taijutsu workout, experience suggesting that I can hold the chakra augmentation much longer if I have half a brain cell available to concentrate on it, and maybe training calmly and in an efficient manner would make my progress faster, but _I do not care!_

 _Again!_

Jumping to my feet feeling high and fresh as never before, I align myself with a mostly obstacle-free path and take off. Half a second into my first leap the chakra takes hold in my muscles and the world shifts into blurred focus again. _YES!_

 _This is what life is for!_

 **-O-**

Kosaku-sensei slams the test paper down in front of me. A glaring red _23_ mars it's upper right hand corner.

"You failed", he announces loudly. My classmates that had been quiet and watching, break out into murmurs and giggles and then laughter. A few merely chuckle but don't join into the general mood of rowdy ridicule. The pair of boys that occupy the back seats on the other side of the classroom are noticeably calmer than the rest.

"That idiot failed again! Why is she even here?"

"There is a reason they don't admit babies into the Academy."

"Did you know, she's actually older than us? But she's some kind of retard midget, so they refused to enrol her until her parents went to the council to force the Hokage into sticking her here." My ears pick out the especially imaginative gossip-monger as Kusumoto Tatsu. She's pretty popular among the girls because of the entertaining stories and hot news she likes to spread. Next to her sit Kotobuki Una and Ogawa Kuni and both listen attentively, snickering all the while and shooting me unsubtle looks.

It's a funny idea, I admit, but I have to focus on Sensei's steaming figure in order to placate him. No idea, how I will do that, though. So, I go with stating the obvious as I often do when unsure how to react. "I did."

Sensei spits fire and slams his hands on my desk, effectively looming over my with a menacing air. I can feel a crude wash of oily foreign chakra against my skin, but don't dispel it when it enters my chakra circulatory system.

Kosaku-sensei only uses very low-level genjutsu to intimidate us students, E-rank if I had to hazard a guess, and it's fascinating to feel how his chakra slides on top of mine to travel to my brain. When it reaches it's target the justu-guided chakra anchors itself in my coils and shifts a tiny bit.

The light dims and thunder rolls over my head, Sensei's backdrop being over layered by the vague picture of a dark, clouded sky, lightning flashes running like white veins through the broiling mass.

It lacks detail, to be honest, and loses it's effect when used too frequently. _Oh, I should probably listen to Sensei's ranting._ "-re you even concerned about the end-of-the-year exams?! You need to start improving or you're _out!_ I _won't_ advance a lazy student and you can bet, I will bring this up with the Head of the Academy!"

"Yes, Kosaku-sensei. I understand, Kosaku-sensei." My dutiful answer doesn't convince and I hear a few more snickers from the classroom. _Ah, Schadenfreude. The_ _truest form of mirth, if not the nicest._

Sensei rights himself and let the genjutsu he put me under dissipate. Then he simply shakes his head and goes back to the front of the room to resume class.

Literature really isn't my strongest subject and it still eats at me. I have to find a way to learn all these pesky Kanji. If I had someone read them to me, I wouldn't have so many problems. The one who understands can replicate, after all. _I just need to understand!_

Sadly, reading isn't something one can learn from a book, a teacher is required. But a teacher, a person willing to help me, is what I lack. There is not one person that comes to mind that I could ask without risking my health and be certain to receive the aid I need. Once I asked Kosaku-sensei, but he told me I should learn from my mother. I'm afraid that if I pressed, he would go speak to that woman again. And that's not a risk I'm willing to take at this point.

If I'm honest, I can't even think of anybody in all of Konoha that has any semblance of friendly feelings towards myself.

... _Well, there is Kakashi,_ but I don't think he'd appreciate it if I annoyed him with something that must seem trivial to him. _Do I have a choice though? Sensei is right, if I don't pass the exams I might be expelled ..._

A heavy weight settles on my shoulders. _I think_ , _I will have to risk losing his good will. Becoming a kunoichi is the fastest way to self-sufficiency and I **need** that. _It's not a happy thought. Risking to alienate my only friend here is not something I want to do. Losing Kakashi would probably hurt more than anything has in this life yet, with the exception of the grief I feel over the loss of my family, if the way I miss him during absences is any hint.

The school day suddenly passes way to fast and before I know it, I'm on my way to the memorial stone. The weight on my shoulders gets heavier with every step I take, because I _really_ don't want to take the risk. A sudden desire to just skip out of the Academy and live as a street urchin has to be pushed down and metaphorically trampled into mush. _No. I will not destroy all my chances in this new life just to retain a vague friendship that stands on shaky ground anyway._ The powers that be don't agree with procrastination and so set the stage to give me no reason to back down. Meaning that thanks to my terrible luck or the kami or just the irony Kakashi is standing in the clearing, being present the one time I don't want him to be. Yesterdays longing fulfilled in the same moment that I wish for the exact opposite.

Kakashi actually turns to me as I approach with dragging feet. His face is unreadable, but he is waiting for me to initiate our customary greetings. It's quirky of him and on a normal day his backwards approach to social interactions would have amused me. It doesn't today.

"Hello, _isi_ ", I mumble, not even putting a token effort into hiding my depressed mood. He's perceptive enough to spot it a mile away anyway, so I don't see a reason for secrecy.

"Hello, Hikari-chan." There is an awkward pause on his end while I come up to stand next to him and stare at the memorial. "You seem awfully depressed today" is what decides on for his approach. The fact that he even initiates the conversation is a minor miracle in itself and would have been downright impossible half a year ago. It reminds me of how much I stand to lose and I keep on stubbornly staring forwards for a while before meeting his one-eyed gaze.

The grey of Kakashi's original eye is a lot warmer than the cold stone that it was when I first met him some three years ago and there is an attentive glint to it that tells me that his thoughts are mostly focused on the present. My heart aches in response. I don't want to lose him! I don't, I don't ...

Tears gather in my stinging eyes but I shake my head and blink them away, before they fall. Then I proceed to look at his sandals.

 _How do you identify an introvert Finn? He looks at his shoes when he talks to you. And how do you identify an extrovert Finn? He looks at_ your _shoes when he talks to you. Hah hah ..._

"I-" My voice is thick and scratchy and I have to clear my throat before continuing. "I need help studying for the exams, but I don't have anyone to help me ..." I let my voice trail off, because there is nothing more to say really. Either I ask him or not, but there is no way to beat around the bush here.

Kakashi disagrees with my assessment. "What about your parents?", he asks uncomfortably.

I shuffle equally uncomfortably. "I can't ask my ... mother", the word comes over my lips like bile and I hurry on, "she ... works so much."

Uncertainly I look up at Kakashis face. "As for my father ..."

He looks like a deer caught in the headlights, wanting to get away but frozen in place. No, I won't tell him. He couldn't handle it. But he's still more perceptive than I can lie around. ... So lying by omission it is.

"He never even knew, she was pregnant." My gaze wanders back towards the stone, suggesting the conclusion I want him to draw. "I come here to be close to him."

Kakashi gives a very uncharacteristic show of his feelings when he too awkwardly shifts his weight from one foot to the other. Heavens above, he has no idea how to deal with a socially tense situation, if I don't do something he'll probably extract himself with a shunshin. Sadly, I have about as much social intelligence as he does, so I can't think of anything except for barging on. It's now or never anyway.

"But, uh, _isi,_ couldn't you help me?"

I can see his hand twitching toward his thigh holster as if he wanted to draw a weapon and physically fight what's bothering him.

Desperate to keep him here, I continue, "It's not a big deal, really! I just need someone to read a few Kanji to me, see?!" Hectically I open my notebook and flip it to the very end where a few pages are filled with the carefully copied symbols that I don't know the meaning of. "I don't know what they mean, I just need to hear them, like, once. Please, _isi._ "

Stopping and hesitantly looking up to his face, I try to gauge his expression. From the way his eye crinkles and the furrowed brow together with the creased mask around the general mouth area, I'd say that he's grimacing. That's not good, is it?

Surprisingly Kakashi doesn't leave then and there. He plucks the notebook I'm holding up for him to see out of my hands and skims through the list of Kanji. "Fine", he sighs finally and I can't believe it! _That worked!_

"Really?" It's too good to be true and when things are too good to be true they usually aren't. A wisdom my mother used to tell me as a warning against con artists.

But Kakashi actually sits down on the sun-baked earth next to me. "Yes." His voice is flat and he just points at the first Kanji. "Engagement. Fight. Control. Clan. History." While he reads out the words, I concentrate on the symbols, following his pointing finger over the pages.

Listening to Kakashi's voice makes me happy. This is the first time I've heard it this continuously, our usual interactions being much shorter with mostly monosyllabic answers on Kakashi's part. Now I can enjoy the deep, smooth quality of his speech, the words perfectly formed without any lilt or accent, appropriate for professional shinobi he is.

His tone isn't warm, not by a long shot, it's concise and even a little cool, unlike how he usually addresses me, but I don't mind much. I savour our closeness. Benevolent proximity is something I didn't know I'd missed until now and Kakashi's steady presence at my side fills me with a deep, primal satisfaction.

For the first time in my new life I feel content with this reincarnation thing. My body thrums with healthy energy, for once unmarred by bruises or scrapes or aching with hunger, the amazingly sensitive ears and eyes and nose I enjoy so much give a constant stream of information I vaguely register while my wonderful new brain works smoothly to catalogue all these aggravating Kanji, removing a longstanding problem of mine.

This is the best day of my life.

I never want this to end.

But end it must and end it does.

As soon as Kakashi points to the last symbol and utters it's meaning, I can feel tension running through his body and before I can even turn my head, he vanishes in a swirl of leaves.

My notebook drops into my lap half a second later with an edge of finality and all I can do for a moment is stare at the floating foliage while it tumbles lazily to the ground. A heavy weight lodges in my throat while another closes it's fist around my chest, constricting it painfully.

"Th-thank you, _i-i-_ " My voice strains through my jumping larynx, but I force the title I've given the only person that considered helping me out, " _Isi_."

There are tears in my eyes and I try to blink them away, but instead they spill, tracking wet lines all over my pathetic face.

 _Of course he didn't enjoy that as much as I did. He probably hated every minute of reading to me._

The horrible thing was, that I can't even feel angry. A smidgen of betrayal, but I knew from the start that asking Kakashi to help would push him away from me. His help was more than I could have asked for.

Sobs break through the lump in my throat. Quite violently I convulse with each of them, bowing deep towards the earth with shaking shoulders. Snot drips from the tip of my nose onto my knees, mixing with enterprising tears that climb all over to jump from the ridge of my stupid button nose.

I cry out angry and hurt and don't care who hears. It's probably no one. Nobody ever comes here anyway. So I wail freely, just letting all my broken hopes for a closer relationship with Kakashi out.

Intellectually I know that this isn't the end of the world. Life goes on, no matter how much something hurts. It's even possible that my relationship with ... with ... m-my _isi_ isn't shot yet. Maybe he just needs time to get over this next step and he'll come back when he has dealt with his insecurities and dark thoughts.

... But I'm certain that won't help. Kakashi is the type to distract and distant himself from his problems. And now I'm one of those faults in his life.

He probably regrets ever speaking with me.

I will just ... cry now and ... and let it out and ... and then I'll move on. Just keep going, life changes constantly ...

There will come happier times. In the undefined future.

My past life has proven that to me. Energetically waiting, my mum would say. Wait until it goes away or until you can change it. Sometimes it takes only a few days, sometimes even a few months, but in the end change is inevitable.

 _Sisu_. Do what you can for what you want and persevere until you get it.

It worked when I wasn't allowed to do the barrel climbing on the summer festival, because a solution was found for the stubbornly pouting, somewhat adorable little girl.

It worked when I couldn't find a connection to my peers in middle school and faced social isolation so hard that I fled into imaginary worlds, losing myself in my stories until I could finally change schools. Back then I latched onto my new class with the bite of a pit bull and found my way back into normal social behaviour.

It worked when I applied for a student exchange and no host family wanted me. Then it was only waiting and waiting. The date by which everyone else had a home away from home passed and I waited and waited. The others left and I waited still. Then, of course, waiting determinedly waiting paid off by getting an amazing experience and even more amazing new friends.

It will work itself out.

I'll be happy again one day, here in Konoha. I'm sure of it.

Even if Kakashi abandons all contact or starts giving me the cold shoulder or even rejects me verbally.

It will happen.

It _will happen._

I might feel horrible now, but that will pass. As long as I stay determined.

I need a goal to work towards.

I will ...

I will become a kickass kunoichi.

Then I will have friends, because people will be mature enough to work around my social awkwardness.

It will happen.

So I can cry freely now, because this will pass and one day I'll look back and think that this hard childhood made me a stronger person.

Not that I need this hardship. I already had a fully formed personality when I was born. But this will make me stronger anyway. There is good to be found in this situation.

I know how to read these Kanji now, don't I?

 _That's good, innit?_

Yes.

Blinking heavily and still crying in a no doubt ugly fashion, I sit up and open my book with shaking hands. Then I read aloud.

I go through the list like Kakashi had done, voicing the words carefully in a wobbly and hiccupping tone, going through the list twice, thrice, then reading all the notes that I have copied from the blackboard over the year.

Yes, I can read somewhat properly now.

This is a huge achievement.

 _Be happy about it_

I try.

 **-O-**

"You improved surprisingly, Hikari-chan. Almost over night, I'd say." Kosaku-sensei's eyes are narrowed in suspicion but not quite disapproval. We are learning to become ninja after all and if he suspects me of cheating, he can't call me out on it or lecture me without evidence. Successfully cheating just can't be a bad thing in this context. So he'll probably watch me more carefully before saying anything.

I'm feeling too numb to react. I just nod and take the test sheet back. A circled 100 greets me. That's good. It means I won't be expelled.

When I look up at Sensei to see him regarding me closely.

"Am I in trouble?", I ask detachedly wondering what kind of detention I would get if I were.

It's a question that will have to wait for another day, because Sensei answers with a simple "No".

He's still looking at me though before he adds: "You should do your own work, Hikari-chan. If you don't learn the basics you will struggle later on."

"I understand Kosaku-sensei."

And that's that. I successfully take all the end-of-the-year exams and the whole class is dismissed for two weeks of summer break.

Two weeks is a bit of a compromise, between civilian parents that want to spend some time with their kids and busy shinobi parents that need their children to be trained and watched over while they are on missions.

Fourteen days of absolutely no obligations for any kind of school work. Combined with the baking hot sunshine and generally wonderfully summer weather, that puts all my peers in a good mood. Even I manage a smile, now I have more time for my chakra shenanigans.

Ever since my first successes with enhancing my muscles, I've been training that. And when I get too tired, I sit down and try directing the energy through my body outside of the usual chakra pathways.

It's much slower and has the potential for serious injury if I press too fast or hard, so I tread carefully but the incredibly varied effects chakra has on the tissues that absorb it are more than fascinating.

Once I got my fingernails to grow half a centimetre in barely a minute and when very carefully recreating the process on the skin of my head it had about the same effect on my hair! Imagine that! Growing out your hair in a few hours! I bet a lot of girls in my class would really appreciate that information, what with their constant fussing over their appearance. But that trick also had it's downside that resulted in an itchy scalp and a craving for gello, I couldn't find anywhere in Konoha no matter how long I looked for it. In the end, I raided the trash bin of a smaller restaurant and stuffed myself with all the digestible proteins I could find.

Another time I got myself indigestion because with the experimental chakra enhancing my stomach produced an excess of acid that threw the balance in my gut off. That hurt. A lot. For two whole days. Ouch. But now I know that if I ever have to use my vomit as a weapon, I can make it as acidic as possible for greater effect. _Heh, puking on someone to defeat them would be hilarious._ _If you put aside that puking sucks. Eh, it'll be a last ditch effort._ When I get to my usual training grounds, I look around out of habit. But _nope_ , no one's here. So I go through my usual routine of running for warm-up, stretching and loosening my muscles before doing a serious workout.

Serious in the way that I put my body through hell and that comparison seems almost literal in the standing summer heat. When I gets to be too much for me, I indulge my impulse and take a running leap into the river.

Then I realise that this will be the first time I've swam in this new life and briefly panic. But even if I don't have any muscle memory to rely on, the memories of the Before keep me afloat.

Back then I had enjoyed water activities immensely and the natural comfort I take in the element puts me at ease. I remember swimming or floating for hours at end in my youth, amazing my mum with how untiring I was when swimming in our backyard pool. I also remember that double dog dare I did with one of my brothers to dive beneath a drifting ice shell in that exact same pool when we uncovered it in spring one year. That was cold and fun and ended with him and me scraping our arms and back open against the invisible base of the mini iceberg.

The Naka river isn't cold luckily and there are no lumps of frozen water drifting in it. It had a comfortable temperature and an engaging but mild current that meant, I could probably swim the whole day without needing a rest. Or I would have been able to if this was the same body I once had. Which it isn't. I still spend about two hours forcing this clumsy swimmer of a body through my routines. Breaststroke, backstroke, sidestroke, butterfly stroke, crawling and all the weird in-betweens I had invented during countless days of playing in the water.

One absolutely cool thing I adore about swimming is that it tires you out without making you feel horrible about it. When I drag myself up the shore to slump against the memorial stone, I am thoroughly beat, but there are no pulling muscles or aching joints or sweaty armpits. My clothes are soaked, but they are pleasantly cool when drying, so I don't take them off.

Satisfied I lean my head back at the stone. I don't think I have the energy to concentrate on the fine control it takes to move chakra through my body without hurting myself.

Instead, I pick a long grass blade and examine it, before having an idea. I remember never understanding this as a kid in the Before and then only succeeding as an adult when I understood how the physics of it worked. Clamping one end between the roots of my thumbs and the other between the knuckles, I stretch the blade of grass until it's nice and taut. Then I bring it up to my mouth and blow against it.

A loud, high-pitched whistle sounds from the violently vibrating piece of flora and I giggle at the noise. There is a childish glee in making a racket or spreading chaos. _I bet this would really annoy any_ _Inuzuka I come across_. The thought makes me giggle even harder.

Haaaah ... that was good. Today is a good day.

I stop whistling on the grass and let out a content sigh, idly playing with the grass, sticking it with chakra then letting it go before reeling it back in while it's still in range to do so. At one point I wait too long to suck the blade back up against my palm and watch it twirling to the ground, then lay the hand on top of it and feel the dirt and straws of grass.

Curiously, I send some investigative chakra out.

I haven't done this in a while, looking at things with my chakra sense. I was fully engulfed in the workings of the energies in my own body instead of in the outside world.

Through my chakra I can feel the bushels of grass under my hands, brimming with this type of floral life I have seen before in the more normal varieties of living trees and plants around Konoha -there were the giant Hashirama trees that felt much different, although I couldn't describe it all that well. I can see how the roots of the different bushels are all connected, how they form this tightly interwoven carpet under the clearing and as far as my sense can reach except for behind me where the memorial stone blocks plant growth.

There is also the gritty feel of mineral-rich and somewhat fertile but lifeless earth between the roots of the grass and, if I look deeper there ...

 _Are those worms?_

There are tiny passageways in the packed dirt and at the head of those passages were writhing, long-ish _things_. They feel much different than plants. More vibrant and active, which makes sense, I guess.

Their chakra is not necessarily larger or more alive, but the way it constantly twitches and twists inside the worm's body, how it seems to have a steady rhythm makes it seem that way.

It's a lot more noticeable for sure and I wonder how _this_ is the first time I have ever sent my inquisitive chakra to investigate an animal. I should have done this much earlier. _So interesting ..._ Especially now that I know how strongly chakra effects the tissues it is used on.

What if I use my chakra to enhance the tissues of other living things?

With a burst of curious energy, I dig my fingers into the earth where I can feel a worm wiggling about and after scratching away at the dirt and roots above it, I hold the little sucker between my fingers.

 _Hehe, gotcha!_ Sticking my tongue out in concentration, I go about my normal routine for investigating things. Observe and touch, first, then sending my tendrils out to permeate the thing I'm looking at. Obviously the worm is dirty and writhes between my fingers, trying to escape with little success. It feels a little slimy in the way worms usually do when they are healthy.

But the most interesting is by far the way it reacts to my concentrated chakra investigation. Because the worm starts to convulse violently, it's chakra flaring and bucking with the animal's movements, throwing my tendrils into disarray. The feedback is scrambled badly and I have no idea, why the reaction is so violent.

I don't know what's going on and I try to twist my chakra around that of the worm to get an idea of what is happening, but that leads to even heavier push-backs from the worm's side.

While I'm still trying to figure out what I am doing wrong, the worm starts twitching much more strongly than I would have ever expected from such a small animal. Once, twice, it goes, then a third and a fourth time and then the invertebrate stills, hanging limply between my fingers.

Now my chakra tendrils aren't thrown off anymore and I gather them to investigate the worm. To see what the hell just happened.

It's a very novel experience to explore a foreign organism that has tissues somewhat similar to my own in places. Plants are not so weird, because they are so different that I can very easily distinguish between them and me when I look at them through my chakra. This worm would be much harder to distinguish from my own fingers if it wasn't for the fact that the tissue felt _wrong_.

Where my chakra slides through my own body like smoke through a cloth -something always catches and sticks but in the end no damage is done to the tissue- it goes through the body of the worm about as well as gravel grinding through your pants when you fall. Not well. No wonder the worm reacted so badly to it.

The animal's chakra is drawn tightly into it's core, shuddering and convulsing into itself the further my own chakra explores. I find that interesting and surround it with my tendrils, gently brushing our energies together.

The small ball of life shudders deeply. It's quite diminished now in comparison to the feel I got for it while the worm was in the ground, so I guess that fighting back took a lot of energy.

But why was the worm's reaction so bad now when it didn't even react to my chakra when it was still in the earth? Maybe because now I was more focused on it? Because it was a lot _more_ foreign chakra entering the system? Or maybe something else entirely ... like ... the nature of my chakra?

Just because plants don't mind this type of passive-inquisitive chakra doesn't mean that animals will feel the same way. In fact, this shouldn't even surprise me. _Of course_ , animals and plants are different from each other!

 _Well, no way to find a better way than through trial and error_.

With that thought, I set the worm aside and stretch out my chakra to find a new worm. The last one still lives but I kind of want to see how long it will take for it to recover, if it recovers at all. So in the meantime I will get it a new friend. _Aren't I the nicest?_ The thought of animal cruelty occurs to me, but I brush it off easily. Normal worms don't feel much in the way of pain anyways, so I won't have to have a bad conscious.

Yeah, so, a new direction to take my chakra experiments! _Exciting!_

 **-O-**

It's a few days later that I take a new step in my experiments. I am raiding my favourite dumpster in the alley behind that fancy, wasteful restaurant when a cluster of rats decides that they've had enough of me and my intrusion of their territory.

They come at me with the intent to hurt and maim me enough to drive me off and I have to admit, these suckers are gutsy. Much more so than the old ones that used to be around here. No doubt this group has invaded and taken over the better feeding grounds and were breeding a new type of baby gutsy rats right at this moment.

Because that's how rats work, it's how they're so successful as an invasive species, they come into a new space and the most successful of the new arrivals breeds like hell until another rat is the king of the pile and then that one breeds like hell and the constant competition between themselves creates it's own evolutionary pressure for the rats leading to populations that have distinctive traits for their territory ... or at least I think that's how it works. It has to be _something_ like that, I remember seeing a documentary on the rat population in New York and they looked a lot different from the country rats I knew from Britain.

 _Hmm ... something to consider._ Maybe I'll see the shift myself in the coming months when the offspring of these more gutsy fellows is matured.

Right now I should probably concentrate on the rodents attacking me.

It's not all that hard to evade their lunges and punch them square in the head or catch a ruddy rodent mid-air to break it's neck. Actually, it's hilariously easy. These things are stupid as all hell and they just _keep attacking. What a bunch of idiots._

I shake my head and catch the last little beast by the back of the neck intending to break it, before thinking better of it. With my meal interrupted and trampled around in by disgusting, dirty flea-bags I have time to go back to the training grounds and conduct a few more experiments.

 _And won't you look at that? A test subject has just volunteered! A round of applause for this little guy_. Okay, maybe I feel a little bad for planning to put this little sucker through hell because he will most definitely be able to feel pain and I haven't yet figured out how to produce truly neutral chakra so it might get a little for him, but I'm getting frustrated with the worms because after going through about a hundred of them, I understand how they work inside and out and it bores me. Also, I don't want to keep digging the training grounds up, somebody is bound to notice.

So maybe it's time to switch to other disposable little critters nobody will miss. All in the name of _science_ ... _Wow_ _, I sound like some mad scientist from a trashy horror flick. Is this how Orochimaru started?_

There is still a big difference between little children and ugly rats though, so I'm safe. I'm not despicable for testing myself on other living things, I'm _not._ You can all get off your high horses now!

 _Who am I talking to?_ Mildly perturbed I make my way out of the alley, holding the struggling rat inconspicuously at my side even though that gives the beast leverage to scratch at my pants leg.

It's late already and I've long missed my time frame for going back to the apartment. I don't mind, really. It's definitively warm enough to sleep outside as long as it doesn't rain. And even if it does, I've left all my writing stuff in the flat so that nothing can be ruined by a little bad weather.

The late hour leaves me with mostly empty streets and few passer-bys that don't even blink at my squirming cargo. They never look too hard at the scuffed up kid with the tangled hair. It's both sad how they don't want to acknowledge the obvious signs of abuse and neglect and convenient because being hard to look at gives me a cover for the more questionable stuff I do.

Well ... questionable from a civilians perspective. Like carrying a dirty street rat around.

Finding my way out of the populated areas and into the training grounds is easy even with the fading light, I've done it so many times over the years, I could find the way blindfolded and deaf. The only interruption in the trip being the rat almost twisting itself out of my grip, I arrive at the memorial stone without any problems.

I take a spot in the middle of the clearing and sit on the ground, manoeuvring the rodent to pin it in place using my right leg. The hand on it's neck stays where it is while I go about inspecting my unfortunate victim. Volunteer. _Hm, we'll see which is more accurate soon enough._

The rat is a fully matured adult, more on the large side, if I had to estimate, with it's body large enough that I'd need both hands to cover it. The naked tail is about the same length again, the tiny paws equipped with sharp, dextrous claws, well adjusted to digging and foraging. Brown, messy fur covers the animal from head to body and long whiskers protrude from a triangular snout that houses a twitching nose and a mouth with long rodents' teeth that flash as the rat continues to squirm and tries to scare me off and escape.

Black eyes glint angrily up at me, round ears flicking in my direction to keep track of my movements. I ignore the little beast and concentrate on gathering a special kind of chakra in my free hand.

During the experiments with worms, I have gradually come to understand a little of the source of my problems with infusing my chakra into other animals. Twisting my chakra to lose a little of what makes it so uniquely mine takes a lot of my attention and a lot of preparation, so my test subject gets to work on it's patience while I ready myself.

The rat actually calms a little when minutes pass without me moving. I register the cease in struggle absentmindedly while still concentrating on my chakra. When it's ready, I slowly lower the hand and lay it over the rat's face.

A dense, but not quite visible, mist of chakra emits from my palm and slips into the live body of my test subject. I can feel the rat's jittery nerves and can almost taste it's apprehension and the plan for another violent bout of struggling forming as my chakra brushes against the rat's brain. Simultaneously the rat and I shudder, both unused to the brief connection our minds shared through chakra.

There is no struggle yet, no real reaction to my inquisitive chakra exploring the rodent's body, so I continue to guide it along.

The rat's tense muscles are similar to those that I have, the general anatomy of the smaller mammal's body recognisable from exploring my own body. Fascinated I start to catalogue the bone structure of my test subject, before changing my decision and instead investigating the rat's chakra circulatory system.

 _Oh, yes, that's much more interesting. It looks like-_

When my chakra enters the rat's coils there is a violent backlash as all at once the rodent's whole body goes into a violently defensive mode. My curious tendrils are ripped apart my the sudden onslaught of the rat's chakra, the dense, permeating mist blown into fragments that slip my control and disperse.

I'm so shocked and surprised by the very _sudden_ upraise of defensive chakra that the rat almost manages to free itself by wrenching out of my grip. I tighten my hold just in time to prevent it from getting away but earn myself a deep bite in the back of my hand.

Hissing in pain, I squeeze and the rat _screams_ , it _screams_ so loudly and horribly that I let go.

Absolutely stunned I watch the little thing disappear into the bushes.

That was ...

That was not okay ...

I look at my bleeding and burning hand, then catalogue all the scratches and marks both on my hand and the ground.

The rat had been vicious.

It had been fighting for it's life.

 _What is wrong with me?_

I don't know the answer to that question but I end up asking it a whole lot.

The next rat I catch the following day doesn't get away. I spend a very interesting hour with it before it dies.

I feel bad.

It's just a rat though. A critter that would have died soon anyway. One of the more frequent D-rank missions around the village is pest control, I've noticed. Other ninja kill much more rats in a single day's work than I have so far. And my goal is to become a kunoichi.

Really, I'm just getting a head start here ... Yeah, that's a good excuse. I'll stick with it.

With that I go out and find myself a new volunteer. There is an endless supply of them. I learn a lot.


	5. Continuing On

AN: Moi moi, dear readers. Peruna here. So, uh, I ... don't have any reason to upload this chapter so quickly. I just wanted to get it over with because it had been bugging me. I ... don't know if I'm a little OOC with my canon characters here, but I really wanted to write it like this, so opinions on the matter will be very much appreciated. I feel like I have overdone a few scenes in this chapter but ... Yeah, well, I need a second or third opinion on that ...

Well, reviews are always appreciated whether or not you want to comment about my writing style in specific. Next weekend I won't have much time to work on a new chapter because of a family get-together coupled with a wedding and some twelve hours in the car to get there and back again, so either I'll finish and upload somethin within the week or you'll have to practice your patience ;)

Onto the community service! A quick thank you to **all** my wonderful reviewers and a shout out to the guest reviewers as well, because I'm very happy you give me feedback even if you don't have an account or don't want to show your metaphorical face. Continuing in that vein: Of course I will also answer your questions and comments.

To _Guest number 1_ : Yeah, I get that Kakashi doesn't have small chakra reserves and I absolutely agree that he was probably born with only slightly above average reserves. My point was just that ;)

To _Guest numer 2_ : Nah, Hikari doesn't use any form of diagnostic justsu, because she is aimlessly recording everything the body is made up of and the diagnostic jutsu is a targeted technique that gives medically important feedback.

To _**skye-speedy**_ : Man, you caught me flat-footed for a moment there. Yes and no. Hikari has a very sensitive sense of smell (for a human) because of Kakashi, equally so a slightly above average hearing. Now, her sight is technically not above average for the typical shinobi, but for someone that used to need correction to even see the blackboard in class that level of sight is amazing. Hence why she calls it sensitive, too.

To _**Akira D. Ryusuke**_ : It's all a give and take. Reading thoughtful reviews makes me happy and I want to give that back, too. I'm very glad that Hikari doesn't come off as a Mary Sue, it was a genuine concern of mine. Now I only have to see to her not being too passive ... Oh well. I was snickering _so hard_ when reading your review, because you pickes up on all the major points I wanted to bring across in the chapter :P

To _**Anja.Nuehm**_ : The lines you draw on what's okay and what's not are very interesting indeed. Heh, I know that there will be some characters that readers won't like and that's probably because I don't present them as particularly nice people but I always try to give them a reason and personality besides "the main character doesn't like them" or "they're mean". I hope that comes across ... Lastly, I understand German just fine so if you have troubles you can review in German, it would just hinder discussions between reviewers.

To _**Roberto**_ _ **Pelotudo**_ : Buenos días! Wow, you really read my fanfiction over Google Translate? That is ... something else ... Is that really enjoayable? I mean, Google Translate is not exactly renowed as the best interpreting device for long texts. But it's definitely cool to have such international followers!

To _**GoTherka**_ : I would also be very sad if you dropped this fanfiction, because you're the first person to _really_ comment about how Hikari isn't a very nice person herself. To be clear, that is intentional, I wanted to write a morally grey character and Hikari will most probably never become a real goody two-shoes, but I try to make her relatable anyways. The fact that she gives you the creeps makes me pretty cheerful, since it shows that she is toeing the line without having crossed it yet. But to assuage your fears: I'm not gunning for Orochimaru with my character. He's a fine villain and I do have an interest to let Hikari explore a lot about chakra but that's not the end product. Thanks for your review!

And lastly, to _**Cisk Kazzarch**_ : See? That was nice :D

 **This story is rated M for audiences of ages 16 and older. Readers discretion is advised.**

 **I do not own Naruto.**

 **5**

I enjoy the feeling of cool, clear water brushing against my skin. The shallow as well as the deep gouges and scratches on my hand dull their incessant throbbing and the dirt and blood washes away from them. An angry red bite-mark on my right hand stands out, swollen and infected as it is, but I don't mind it much. I've learned to live with the hand being tender over the last few days. The water helps, so I wash my hands as often as I can in the river at the edge of the training ground.

A noise in the clearing behind me makes me jump up and turn around. Hope bubbles in my belly and excitement starts to rise. A whole month. It has been a whole month since I've seen Kakashi last! But he's back! He's ba-

Oh.

No. He isn't.

My shoulders droop slightly and I straighten my shirt out of reflex, trying to look even half presentable in my wet, ripped and dirtied clothes. Then I suppress my fiddling and link my hands behind my back to hide the wounds. Nobody should see them. It's none of anybody's business.

Sharp, black eyes observe me across the clearing. I observe back.

The boy is taller than me but not by much, since I've once again hit a random growth spurt and he seems to be waiting for puberty to shoot up like a weed. I would guess his age to be around ten or so.

His pretty black hair sits in a neat ponytail between his shoulders, a complete opposite to my wild, knotted blonde mane that falls in uncontrolled spiky ends all around my shoulders.

His skin is pasty white and smooth like porcelain in contrast to my tanned complexion.

He still has a bit of cute baby fat filling his cheeks, while mine have hollowed long ago, giving me a more edged and mature appearance than he has.

He's much more handsome than me though, in spite of his naively young appearance. My rough lifestyle with the past stretches of hunger and malnourishment took away any childish charm I could have had.

I can easily imagine him having all kinds of fan girls. He's a prodigy too, on top of his good looks. The hitai-ate adorning his forehead is enough of an indicator for that.

A thought scratches at my brain, but I can't put my finger on it. He looks familiar, that's for certain, but was he one of the main characters of _Naruto_ or is it just someone I've seen around before?

"Hello", I say, because the silence is a little uncomfortable already.

"Hello", the boy repeats the courtesy, his calm tenor like honey for my ears. _Ooh, he definitely has fan girls. That's such a nice voice._

I take a few steps towards him, before noting the spray of flowers he's holding. _I should probably leave, so that he can give his respects privately._

With a nod to him, I make to walk away, but he stops me.

"You don't have to leave because of me. I don't mind your presence." He lays the flowers down on the dais and turns toward me with a small smile. His hand stretches out as if offering it for me to hold onto.

That's ... really nice of him. And kind of awkward for me. I'm not here because I'm sad. I can't grieve with him after comrades lost in battle.

Still I accept his invitation, my left hand sliding into his right and we turn to the memorial stone together.

His hand is warm and feels nice. There are hard bumps, probably callouses from weapons training, but the rest of the skin is smooth and welcoming.

In the place where my chest has been aching ever since Kakashi vanished into thin air a fuzzy feeling emerges. This is nice. I like this boy, he makes me feel better.

We stand like that for a while, both lost in thought, before the boy bows to the memorial and turns to me again.

"What are you doing here? Have you come to visit your parents?"

... Does he ... assume I'm an orphan? I don't look that shabby! I almost want to feel insulted, but it's painfully obvious that he has nothing but good intentions. His tone is so pleasant and friendly, I can't really believe that he is real. Maybe he isn't. Maybe he's just a delusion of my lonely mind or maybe a hallucination and I'm having a fever?

Suspiciously I eye the angry red bite-mark on the back of my right hand but it's not bad enough to induce any crass symptoms like that. The boy might just be real.

With my brain wrapping itself around the fact that there is, in fact, a person being nice to me, my mouth opens and closes a few times before the two connect and form words.

"I, um ... no, ano, I come here because I like it here. It's peaceful." Maybe I should have said something else? Come up with something that doesn't sound so disrespectful?

But the boy doesn't seem to mind me putting my foot in my mouth. He looks around the clearing, before giving the slightest of nods.

"It sure is", he agrees, "But should you be out here alone? The training grounds aren't a good place for a kid like you."

In response to that I huff. "I look after myself and nobody ever comes here anyway. Not to train at least ..."

That small smile of his is somehow bright even though it's barely a quirk at the corner of his lips. I admire how it lights up his face.

"Do you train here then? Are you an Academy student?" He looks at the hand he's still holding, inspecting the red scratches on it.

Suddenly, I feel uncomfortable again. I don't really want to break the contact, but I pull my hand back and hide it in my pants pocket anyway. "Yes", I admit hesitantly.

"I see." The boy looks thoughtful, examining me closely. "I could have sworn you were the same age as my otouto though..."

"Yes, well ..." I take a step backward, afraid over the level of attention he's giving me and my appearance. Nothing good comes from having other people's attention. I don't want to be wary of him, but I am nevertheless. _Why does he care? Who will he tell?_

"Don't worry", he smiles that perfect little smile again, "I'm not going to hurt you. I'm a shinobi of the Leaf", he taps his forehead protector, "it's my job to protect you even."

That is true. He is a shinobi of the Leaf and I have never been hurt by one of them before, although none of them showed this level of interest in me before either. So I have no idea if it's a good thing or bad.

"Hey now." A hand lands on my head comfortingly and _damn! I didn't even see him move!_ "Don't look so worried. I just want to help you. My name is Uchiha Itachi, what is yours?"

My mind blanks out.

 _This_ is _Itachi?!_ Why is he so nice? Isn't he supposed to be a killer psychopath? Or did he not ... get involved yet ... with ... I think it was Danzo?

That's right, isn't it? Some time before my death, when I suddenly really got interested in _Naruto_ canon, I learned that Itachi was actually a tragic character, a pacifist becoming this great evil villain out of necessity. Has he come face to face with that necessity yet?

I eye Itachi warily. He looks a little naïve, but that might just be the juxtaposition of a ninja being nice to a stranger. But he _is_ in fact being nice to a stranger. He has time to come here and mourn and be nice to a little, dirty, ugly girl. That means he can't be ANBU or Jounin yet. No looming catastrophe is weighing him down.

 _Is he even Chuunin yet?_ Possibly not.

Slowly I come to the conclusion that he might not be so bad to be around ... yet. He will be in the future, but right now he's just a talented and admittedly cute boy.

"I'm Hikari."

"How about I walk you home then, Hikari-chan? It is getting to be late and we wouldn't want the caretakers to worry, right?"

I furrow my brow. Itachi smiles friendly and encouragingly. It's so weird to see that while knowing he'll be one of the big baddies. An infernal antagonist that will drive Sasuke to first abandon and later hate Konoha. The one that will make all the Uchiha kids in the Academy disappear...

"I can take care of myself." He isn't that person yet though and do I really want to drive off the only friendly contact I've had in the last month? "But you can come anyways."

Itachi halts his understanding nod and his smile suddenly seems so very genuine it hurts. _Damn! How did he become a cold bastard?_

"That is good to hear. Shall we go then?" Oh, how weirdly gentlemanly. It would have been perfect for some sappy romance novel. If he would gallantly offer his arm, the picture would be perfect.

I am very relieved when he doesn't do that, only joining my side when I walk off in the direction of the path into town. I don't want any weird relationship with Itachi. We are both too young for such shenanigans, not to mention that he will go on to become a _mass murderer_.

Together we walk the walk and are soon back in Konoha proper. Amiable silence hangs between us and from time to time I steal a glance at Itachi, but he doesn't react, just moving along unaffected by everything around him. He ... Actually, once there are people around, his smile fades away and his features smooth into a neutral mask. He looks a lot more like his older anime counterpart with that and it's a little creepy but _I_ don't have any reason to fear him, so I don't let it bother me.

It's nice that he doesn't broadcast his emotions anymore. It reminds me a little of Kakashi. And that thought hurts. _Stop thinking about him! It will be fine. He just needs time. It_ _will be fine!_

My shoulders tense and I take an abrupt turn to the left, down a smaller road that leads to the apartment complex that woman and I live in. Itachi follows but looks at me curiously.

"This is not the way to the orphanage."

"There is more than one, you know?" My retort is a little more edged than really appropriate but I can't care right now. The thoughts spiralling in my head take too much attention, my attempts to distract myself take too much attention, my step quickens, I try to run away from my mind and it doesn't work.

Itachi keeps pace with me easily. "This is not the way to any of Konoha's three orphanages."

"Maybe I'm taking the scenic route." My tone is distinctly harsh now. Itachi regards me vaguely worriedly.

"I don't think you are."

There is no response on my part. We are almost at the correct building, the run down facade looking as bleak as ever.

"I think you are upset about something."

" _No shit, Sher-_ "

My biting response is cut off by an unexpected voice that makes my spine snap straight and my legs halt instantly.

"Hikari-chan!"

 _Oh god, no, please, no._

Is there even a god here? Can there be a benevolent all-powerful being in this world? Is it only the kami and shinigami here?

If I wasn't conditioned to remain quiet, I think I would have whimpered.

"I have been looking _all over_ for you!"

 _Maybe it's the god that Hidan worships that's in charge here? Jashin?_ The chaos and pain and suffering would suit him.

" _Even the neighbours_ were worried."

That woman turns to Itachi and in the beat of a heart has analysed who he is and how she should act towards him. The level of her social intelligence astounds me knowing the ugly personality that she hides with it. I sometimes wonder how she isn't in a better position with that manipulative streak, but seeing her unappreciated talents makes it blatantly obvious why she despises me so much. I am the thing that anchors her to a hard life she could otherwise escape. In her shoes I would hate myself, too.

"Uchiha-sama! Thank you so much for bring Hikari-chan home! She must have gotten lost, I couldn't find her for over a week!" That woman bows deeply and her relieved face is pretty convincing. She deserves an _Oscar_ , really. The idea of me getting lost in Konoha is absolutely ridiculous but she pulls off the lie astonishingly well. "Where did you find her?"

Nerves creep up my back and I tense further. Itachi turns a considering look on me, but I remain stiffly staring at that woman's chin, not wanting to meet her eyes but having to acknowledge her in some way. If Itachi rats me out now, then my hiding spot won't be safe anymore, then I'll have nowhere to run to.

"On the other side of the village, in the forests on top of the Hokage mountain." Itachi's refined voice doesn't waver on the lie, as convincingly pulled off as that woman's untruth. I want to sigh in relieve, want to thank him, but I keep still, standing by mutely.

"Thank you, Uchiha-san. Thank you so much! Now, Hikari-chan, come along. I have to make dinner. You must be starved!" That woman bows deeply again to Itachi, then puts a hand on my shoulder and steers me toward the stairs.

I follow without complaint. Her grip isn't all that strong and for a moment I find myself imagining how life would be if she were happy. It's a nice distraction from the anxious anticipation on the way to our apartment.

The door clicks shut behind us with finality. I bend to take my sandals off. When I straighten there suddenly is a hand in my hair and that woman yanks on it viscously.

"What were you _thinking?!_ "

My scalp is ripped to the side and when I stumble in that direction, that woman pulls back to the other side. My momentum carries me against the pull and it _hurts!_ If my hair wasn't so knotted and interwoven, distributing the force evenly, I would be losing it by the handfuls.

Pain races along my skin and pierces trough my head as I scramble to follow the hand that's pulling on my mane. The response is that woman throwing me to the ground in front of her while scoffing.

"The _neighbours_ noticed! They started _asking after you!_ " Her sentences are punctuated with kicks to my sternum, but that woman doesn't raise her voice to shout. The neighbours might hear after all and that's obviously a problem for her.

I gasp, but equally remain quiet. There is no need to antagonize her further.

"And _look_ at you!" That woman pulls me up by an ear and it feels like it might rip off under the strain. I can't properly follow her movements, still winded as I am, but I scramble up in a weak attempt to do so anyway.

When I am halfway upright, she lets go and slaps me. Hard. My head snaps to the side, but I remain standing through sheer force of will.

"You're dirty", another slap on the other cheek, "You stink", again, and I stumble a few steps back, disoriented and with a ringing ear, "And you destroyed your clothes!"

A fisted punch to my temple completely blindsides me. I stumble back again. Dizzy and with unfocused eyes I don't see the next one before it connects against my left eye.

I fly back, my head spinning both literally and metaphorically. This is why I usually try and protect the head better. Deliriously I realize that I am not stumbling but falling. And I am not in the middle of the room anymore but in my corner. Or at least falling toward it. Toward my crib. The solid wooden bars advance menacingly and inexorably. I can only close my eyes before crashing into them.

The structure of the crib is not compromised by the impact, but the one of my face probably is because -

Pain. Horrible pain. The taste of blood. The cracking of teeth.

The collision bounces my head back and I fall away from the furniture, hacking and coughing up the broken teeth. They land with globs of blood on the wooden floor.

I roll on my side and focus on breathing. It doesn't work all that well and I end up wheezing and shaking with squeaky, whining gasps filling my head, with the all encompassing pain and ringing -

"Aaah", I groan pathetically, "Aaaah, hah, hah, uuorgh!" I throw up, convulsing and bile spilling out of my mouth. I don't have the presence of mind to lift my head from the floor and end up rubbing my cheek in the puke with my dizzy attempts to alleviate the pain I feel. The intensely sour smell directly in front of my nose only serves to deepen my addled misery.

"You are disgusting." That voice permeates my dazed mind. It is cold as that woman repeats to me what her friend - her friend - her formally friendly not-friend-anymore - Miko - said to her so long ago. Now we are both disgusting. I ruined her life and she retaliates by ruining mine.

Her foot connects with my back, somewhere under my shoulder blades, but I can't bring myself to care about it. My head ... _My head!_ Why _the head?!_

"Bleuurgh." Another heaving of my stomach forces even more vomit into my mouth and I uncoordinatedly try spitting it out, but my tongue is working against me. My mind is so fuzzy, I feel like one of the times I woke up from anaesthesia in the Before. I'm not on the good drugs now though, I'm in pain, so much pain ...

That woman lets me be. I hear her making dinner for herself, the banging of her cooking utensils sending waves of fresh agony into my head. At one point she stops, after that I can't track her movements anymore because my thoughts derail and my attention wavers in the face of my injuries.

Some time later my body finally decides enough is enough and I black out. Blissful unconsciousness takes my mind off the current situation.

 _Can't I stay this way?_

I can't. Even death didn't stop me from feeling pain for very long, why would a simple faint do so?

 **-o-**

It could be considered lucky that I am only six years old and that now is the time to lose the first milk teeth anyway, so there won't be any lasting damage to that woman's latest escapade. Probably.

It could also be considered unlucky that the teeth I lost in my introduction to the sturdiness of my crib had not been ready to go. My new teeth might come out soon or they might come out in a few years. It's hard to estimate at this point.

One other thing one might ironically call lucky is that that woman doesn't bother to feed me, because I couldn't have eaten anyways. Half my face is bruised and tender and my gums are horribly sensitive and hurting. I can only see out of one eye, the other is swollen shut and I think my lips are both split.

I don't leave the apartment for the rest of the week. The hunger doesn't bother me for once, the mere thought of eating twists my inside into an apprehensive knot so it is easy not to go looking for food. It leaves me weak and without motivation to do much of anything, so I sleep the days away, only getting up to drink some water out of the tap.

That woman mostly ignores me when she's there, but at some point she wakes me up.

"Get up!", she demands and I do.

She drops a bundle of cloth in front of me and I get dressed. It's a new set of the same old outfit, several sizes too large again but not ripped or faded yet and pristinely clean. I can't appreciate the probably nice feeling of the new clothes. I numbly follow orders.

"Sit there", she directs and I do.

That woman brandishes a pair of scissors and roughly cuts my hair. Thick knots and felted mats fall victim to the blades first, then strands of normal hair follow as she brings some semblance of order to my formally wild mane.

When that woman is done, the tips of my hair only just barely reach my chin. I don't mind the short cut all that much. I have bigger problems.

She slathers make-up over my bruises and hustles me out the door, shoving a fresh notebook and pencil into my arms before taking off.

I stand on the walkway for a moment, unsure of what to do.

 _Oh, right, today is the first day of the new term_ , I remember and head to the Academy.

Even though I don't hurry there, I'm well on time. That woman must have left very early today. I wonder if something in her work schedules has changed.

Slipping into the same home room my class occupied last year, I am greeted by the sight of Kosaku-sensei at the front talking to someone's parent. They don't take notice of me, so I just walk past in my usual straight-backed gait.

I'm not even sure why I have taken to walk so erectly. In the Before I always slouched which annoyed my mom and drove her to often nag about it, but in this life nobody cared enough to correct my posture and still I changed my habits to encompass this.

 _Okay, now that I think about it, it's a dumb question_. I didn't do it consciously but it is a base on which to easily fool my peers in case I get bruises that would make slouching painful. If the only times I stand straight were the times I got hurt, it would be much too obvious for anyone watching to come to the correct conclusion. Which I don't want.

If anyone ever finds out about my situation at home, I want it to be someone that cared enough to look closely. Half-assed attempts at helping me out would only worsen that woman's temper. Just imagining what she would do if Kosaku-sensei went to talk to her about the worryingly frequent injuries I displayed makes me shiver.

 _No, not like that. If anyone finds out it has to be someone smart enough and engaged enough to actually help me._

Not that such a someone existed for me. This is only my thin cover for not wanting to show people how pathetic I really am. They can already see it to an extent but to show them all the real level of my abject weakness is unimaginable. I am a wretched creature, but I don't want anyone to see that.

The classroom fills with all the other kids, chatting excitedly mostly, although there are some that merely look around blearily with droopy eyes and nearly fall asleep on their desks. Notably one of them is a Nara, if I interpret that symbol on his shirt correctly.

... When did a Nara join the class? All the clan children of our grade are in the other class.

With a sharp eye, I catalogue the rows filled with children. Most of them are the ones I know from last year, but there are two others aside the random Nara that have switched classes and three kids missing entirely.

 _Did they drop out?_ No, that's ridiculous. The exams at the end of last year weren't difficult enough to really weed out the bad students, more a kind of rehearsal for future examinations.

 _Maybe the top three of this class get the chance to move into the other class, giving them the opportunity to associate with future clan shinobi, while the bottom three of the other class get bumped down to the civilian students._

That would make sense. I watch the Nara slouch and sprawls all over the table in front of him. He had chosen to sit in the last row with the two other unknowns, putting him at the middle table and only two seats and an aisle removed from me.

Suddenly the Nara turns his head on his forearm and regards me with drowsy black eyes. Instantly I'm on guard, meeting his evaluating gaze for a moment before breaking eye contact and looking around the room faux intently, as if I was looking for something specific before locking my sights on Kosaku-sensei. I'll play the attentive swot for now.

It's a facade that probably won't hold up in the long run as I have no aspirations to draw Sensei's attention onto me with exceptional grades. I don't want to do anything that might lead him to contact that woman. And it's not like he would believe that I suddenly became a good student on my own merits anyway.

For now the act works, because the Nara takes in my straight posture and the eager beaver behaviour I display and rolls his eyes before looking away. _Success! I fooled a Nara!_ _Given, a nine-year-old Nara, but still._

Eventually Sensei finishes talking with the parent and calls the class to order. He first checks the attendance and when he's certain that everyone is present, he jumps into a short, sort of "welcome back, brats" speech that cracks me up a little. Some of the other kids grin also at his grouchiness.

Sensei's teaching method is to portray the grumpy but generally interested and helpful authority figure, which almost elevates him into a father status for most of the impressionable kids here. It works well for him, because the children are more inclined to follow his rules and tend to strive for his approval as they would for their parents'. The problem is that it doesn't work with me. For one, I am not as easily convinced by the unimaginative play, for the other, Sensei didn't believe that I actually only had problems reading and decided that I wasn't a dedicated student, which put me on his shit list.

Personally I wouldn't mind Sensei, he does his job well in teaching us all these different subjects we need to know and in keeping all of us in line. But he took offense to my failures and to the fact that I don't participate in all the byplay in my interactions with him, which lead to a rather cold shoulder he gave me in the last couple of months. He still treats me fine. It's not like he bullies me in class or anything, but he doesn't support me either and that depresses me slightly. One more thing I miss out on for whatever reason ...

After Kosaku-sensei's little speech, we have our homeroom period as we did last year. Around me there is a whole lot of commotion as my classmates run around and gather in groups to talk about their brief vacation from school and generally play and socialize.

Me and the Nara are the only ones remaining seated. Him because he is already asleep on his desk and me because I'm not sure who I would even talk to. None of my peers actually like me or are interested in hanging out, I'm sure.

 _I don't want to talk to them right now_ _either._

The realization hits me and sends a jolt of nervous energy through my body. I _don't_ want to socialize with them when my speech will be slurred by he missing teeth. I have enough problems with my image, a heavy speech impediment is not something I want added to it.

Especially if they start asking how I suddenly lost that many of my milk teeth. It is rather noticeable after all...

 _Best not to open my mouth._

So I merely sit, observing my classmates, analysing who likes who and what's the hottest topic right now, not because I'm really interested but because I'm bored.

I can't wait for the actual lessons to start and am pleasantly surprised that Sensei brings homeroom to an end much earlier than he would have in the last term. I'm less pleased to realize that it probably means our physical training will be longer than before.

Not that I mind working out, it's a great alternative to stewing in miserable thoughts and frustration, but I'm not sure it will be much fun with my aching face and the still somewhat bruised ribs.

Before I can decide whether I like it or not, I'm running laps with my classmates. This is not much of a problem for me, I jog along at a leisurely pace for me and am still in the middle of the pack. All that time avoiding that woman was well spent if I compare myself with the me of two years ago.

I'm stronger now, muscles building with the exercise, turning mostly wiry until I started dumpster diving and securing a solid nutrition intake through that. Now I am faster, stronger and with a _lot_ higher endurance, which is hardly a feat given the amount of exercise I got before starting my independent roaming about Konoha.

And that doesn't even count the plentiful chakra enhancing that I can add to that! Although that is admittedly still crude. Better than anything my peers can pull off, but still with a lot of room for improvement.

I have also grown like a weed, shooting up at random intervals, which are always accompanied by a surge of hunger that needs to be satisfied and give me a headache and a half. Thanks to those I am almost the average height of my classmates and don't stick out at the first glance anymore.

Not that I fit in all that well still, since my peers usually give me a lot of breathing space and I have trouble overcoming that distance to interact with them more. I should really work on that but it will have to wait until I get a few of those missing front teeth back.

I don't really want to admit it, but I'm kind of glad for the hair cut that woman gave me this morning. I haven't been able to inspect it in a mirror yet, but I feel a lot better with it not being as heavy and clumpy anymore. It doesn't bang on my shoulder while I'm running laps, which is a very nice change, and with the probably somewhat tidy cut and he fresh clothes, I feel a lot more comfortable in a social setting than during all of the last half year. I don't look as much like a hobo anymore.

 _If it weren't for the teeth ..._ I bet I could really reconnect with my classmates. Image is important and there is a reason that we have a whole period set aside for socialization and bonding between peers. It's just social suicide amongst kids prone to teasing to show them a weakness and the dental issue is a very noticeable weakness as soon as I open my mouth for whatever reason. _So no. No talking for a while_.

After the laps we do strength building exercises. It's mundane and repetitive but I power through as best as I can without drawing attention. Turns out that giving your all during physical exercise leads to heavy breathing and, really, _who would've thought? No duh! I'm such an idiot sometimes!_

After class, I am pumping my chest heavily which is hard to do when I'm only breathing through my nose. I start seeing black darkness edge into my vision and can't do it anymore. Giving a quick look around to make sure no one is looking, I open my lips and draw in a few glorious, deep breaths.

I keep my head tilted down and to the side to avoid glancing attention while trudging with the rest of the class back inside. Only when we have climbed the stairs has my breathing calmed down enough for me to seal my lips again.

Looking up, I can barely glimpse the Nara looking away. Unsettled I observe him as we file into the classroom and take our seats. The Nara's face gives nothing away, he simply looks tired and bored again, so I can't make any assumptions on whether or not he has seen anything I didn't want him to. That makes me even more uneasy, but I turn my attention toward the next set of classes.

Instead of history we now have politics, where we learn about domestic village and civilian politics and foreign politics like the Leaf's treaties with other Nations and hidden villages. It is somewhat interesting even if the lesson today is an introduction to the theoretical workings of the Daimyo's court and dry as bone. I spend a lot of time half listening to Sensei and half imagining scenarios that involve the positions in the court and their possible actions.

After coming up with so many, very pop culture inspired set-ups, I am even a little disappointent when that lesson ends.

The disappointment doesn't last long because tour previous chakra theory class has been upgraded to jutsu theory. It sounds like more than it is right now, we don't actually learn any jutsus, neither practically nor theoretically, but what excites me are the hand seals we will be taught. One at a time, today's seal being Monkey.

Kosaku-sensei shows us how to form the seal, which isn't all that hard, before handing out worksheets on chakra flow and how hand seals direct it. I am inordinately pleased that I have no problems reading the text on the sheet. There are two unknown Kanji in it that I immediately copy into my notebook, but their probable meaning is easily guessed by the context.

While some of us are working on the sheets and others on their execution of the seal, Sensei holds a long lecture in which he repeats everything that is also written in the text and gives a lot of examples. I memorize almost all of he information easily, soaking it up like a sponge with all my attention given to the titbits about jutsu that require this specific seal to be used.

In the last minutes of the period, Sensei instructs us in how to channel chakra into a hand seal and we are given the homework to practise forming the seal but not channelling chakra through it. The thought occurs to me that it was stupid to show a bunch of excited children how to do something and then telling them not to do it. But I guess Sensei isn't perfect either. Everybody has flaws.

Kakashi occurs. Even if he is an exceptional shinobi, talented, dedicated and smart, he is socially crippled and doesn't know how to deal with non-lethal situations.

 _I wish, I could see him again ... Where are you hiding,_ isi?

It's not like I have been actively searching for Kakashi ... okay, yes, maybe I did spend more than one afternoon walking through Konoha while looking for signs of his location, but it was very much a fruitless endeavour. Even if I stumbled onto his location, he could be gone before I even realized he had been there. Really, searching at all is stupid. If Kakashi doesn't want me to find him I never will.

 _Oh kami, I need to distract myself!_

The next lesson is numbers again, because physics are always important for shinobi and kunoichi. I decide to do all the calculating by head instead of using the easier method on the paper. It keeps me occupied well enough and I am for once thankful that calculating by head isn't one of my strong points, even with my hilariously upgraded brain.

Finally we are released into the lunch break. From where I am sitting back in my seat, having decided to stay inside to hopefully avoid any and all conversation, I can overhear the group of girls around Kotobuki Una chatting about kunoichi classes, which ... _really?! That's the first I hear about them since first day of school, when ... this same group of girls was talking about them._

From the way the girls talk while moving out of the room, it seems as if the classes have been going on since last year and ... that's very disconcerting. _Did I miss a memo or something? I sure didn't know that there were any extra classes going on! And they can't have been after school, I know both Kotobukis leave the school after getting out of the taijutsu class._

Kotobuki Una and Oba were quite perseverant during physical exercise classes when compared to our other kunoichi hopefuls and I usually left taijutsu around the time they did, so I have seen them leave the Academy grounds on more than one afternoon.

But if kunoichi classes aren't an after school club-like affair, when are they being held? _And how have I never noticed that I was missing this class I knew was on the syllabus?! Why had Kosaku-sensei never brought it up?_

I panic briefly and entirely internally before coming to the obvious conclusion that kunoichi classes must be a voluntary addition to the schedule. That ... is probably a good reassurance after not participating for a whole year, but it doesn't change the fact that _I missed these classes for a year!_ And now I can't go because of my temporary vow of silence.

This ... is not good. I can already feel it eating at me. _This will reflect badly on me later on, won't it? And what if there are situations in the future that I won't be prepared for because I missed these classes?_

I'm so _stupid!_ How have I overlooked this glaring mistake for so long?

 _Dammit!_ Leaning against the back wall, I brood over my own stupidity while watching the yard through the window. Nothing of note happens, only the white clouds streaking over the blue skies. The peaceful view calms me slightly and I'm eventually able to relax a little.

Lunch time flies by in a moment and then the other students file back into the room for the afternoon classes. I eye them from my seat, watching the different groups move in and disperse to allow everyone to take their seats.

The largest congregation of girls is the one around Kotobuki Una, with her cousin Oba and the ever imaginative Kusomoto Tatsu at her shoulders as always. Most of the girls in my class enjoy hanging around those three, and I am pretty sure that that power will lead to them becoming insufferable sooner or later. They aren't high on power yet, but the way Una has gradually become more snappy with her little followers makes me think that that will be a likely outcome.

I'm pretty sure of what will happen once they start to be real little devils though. A group of young, mean girls? Yes, they will pick a victim to ostracise and I have the unfortunate inkling that as the easiest target I will become the social outcast. Well, even more than I already am. I _really_ need to work on my standing with my peers ... but not right now. _Man, I think this way too often._

Sensei pulls me out of my musings when he calls the class to order and starts with our general education lesson. This term it will be centred around social etiquette, which surprises me when Sensei first states it, but with a little thought it makes sense for a ninja to know their way around different situations in high, middle and low social stratums. One can never be too prepared for all possible variables in a situation.

Being able to deal with civilians might smooth our way on a mission and infiltration work heavily relies on the knowledge of how to get around in foreign societies. For the possible implementations of the subject matter alone it is a very interesting lesson and I pay it my utmost attention.

I'm not good with social interactions and getting a set of rules of conduct laid down for those is basically a dream come true. _Yes, todays lesson is about how to suck up to a noble, but really, how different can it be from sucking up to any regular person?_

In our following language classes, Kosaku-sensei gets us started on Fire Nation dialects after handing out lists of recommended reading material. Knowing the different local variations of Japanese is both important to identify a person's origin and to fit into the populace during infiltration missions and information gathering.

I won't lie, it's interesting, but my attention in class is split between skimming the book list and identifying and interpreting new Kanji Sensei uses in his writing on the blackboard. I _will not_ fall behind on those anymore. Sacrificing my good will with Kakashi will not have been in vain!

 _Kami, that depresses me. When will be the next time I see him?_ My chest tightens. I miss Kakashi but it's not a new feeling so I work around it. If I become a kickass kunoichi, we'll be on the same ground and then dealing with me won't be so awkward to him and he won't run away from it again.

I sigh soundlessly. _Yes, I miss him now, but it won't be forever_.

Next on the schedule is bukijutsu. Sensei leads us outside and we do what we did all of last year: throwing our kunai at targets. The only difference is that the distance between us and our marks has increased. I'm sure we will learn something new this year, a different throwing technique maybe or using shuriken instead of kunai, but right now it's just revision.

Taijutsu class upgrades from stances to moves. They're not katas yet, but punches and kicks in different variations. The way we and the other class are organized into tidy lines to give us all the space we need for practise coupled with the very repetitive exercises reminds me of the Asian martial arts schools in the Before, or at least the footage I have seen about them in documentaries and such. Back then I never had the desire to be part of such an exercise, but it is a strangely calming and engaging routine and I lose myself in the effort to make every movement as perfect and economical as possible.

The same rules as last term's taijutsu classes apply now as well and I have the presence of mind to leave the class with the most of my peers. I could go on for much longer than that but again, I don't want to draw Sensei's attention to me. So I just trot behind the others back into the classroom to fetch my notebook and materials before making my way off the Academy grounds.

We don't have any homework today, so when I get to the memorial stone and nobody's there, I continue with the taijutsu practise, doing the punches and kicks until I'm sick of it. Then I start on my usual workout which includes glorious chakra augmented speed.

By now, I can hold onto the muscle enhancement for about five minutes while dashing around the training grounds. My favourite thing to do with that is change momentum. Sprint from one side of the clearing to the other before pivoting and flying back the same way. The g-forces pulling at my insides is exhilarating and adrenaline inducing like nothing else, almost like the rollercoaster rides in the Before.

I end the training as a panting, giggling mess. It was fun. Fun like few things are anymore. _Maybe I can start reading for pleasure again?_ Now that I know enough Kanji to actually understand the Academy texts, I might be ready for a book or two.

 _Well, Sensei_ did _give us a list of recommended reading material, that might be a good place to start._

So I resolve to borrow a book or scroll on the list from the Academy library tomorrow. It might be interesting and a little reading practise will help me to not fall behind anymore.

Glancing at the sky, I decide that I still have a little time and sit next to the memorial stone to revise the topics we had in class today. It's not exactly necessary, since my eidetic memory has already filed most of the information away, but thinking about the subjects still helps to build understanding of them and connects them to the experiences I've had so far to make them more accessible in my mind.

I've found that sometimes, even though I technically remember something, it takes a little time to dig up that titbit of information from the recesses of my mind. Wanting to avoid that happening with my schoolwork, I build affiliations between different topics to make them more accessible.

... My memory works a lot differently than it used to, but I don't mind it at all. It's two steps forward, one step sideways. A different but altogether better angle.

Once the sun hangs low in the sky, I pack up and head back to the flat. Getting there just in time, I sneak in with hunched shoulders. That woman regards me with a dismissive glance before starting to cook dinner. I don't expect anything from her, but she sets a second bowl of food on the floor and orders me to eat.

"I can't have every busybody in the neighbourhood asking after you again, so take care of your appearance", she orders me.

"Yesh, ma'am", I reply reflexively and all my apprehensions about talking are instantly validated by the slurred way the words come out.

That woman notices, too, and shoots me an annoyed glare. "And don't open your mouth in public. If I get any more meddlers bothering me about you, you won't leave this apartment anymore, do you understand?"

Her words are sharp as a blade, the tone promising regrets if I dare oppose her. I shrink back from it and nod silently, before picking up the chopsticks and starting in on my meal.

My stomach grumbles in anticipation when the first piece of rice lands on my tongue and I'm suddenly very glad not to go to bed hungry again. That doesn't change the fact that eating has suddenly become an uncomfortable affair. I have to awkwardly manoeuvre my food around the mouth to chew it with my back teeth, which takes a little getting used to along with the overly sensitive gums at the front of my mouth.

Somehow I manage to eat my portion though and set my dishes into the sink before slinking over to my crib and climbing in. It's definitely too small a bed for a child my age, but I still have enough room to sleep in it if I curl up and it is very calming to do so. The familiarity lulls me to sleep easily. The day hadn't been so bad.

 **-o-**

Two weeks after the start of the term, I meet Itachi again. He is just standing at the memorial one day when I get there after school.

I'm more than a little apprehensive of him, because I know that he figured out from the encounter with that woman that I have a rather bleak home life and I don't know how to deal with that.

My first reaction is the desire to just turn around and leave again to avoid the uncomfortable situation. _Run away, just like Kakashi._ Immediately I cancel my decision to avoid the encounter. _That is not a healthy way to deal with the situation._

 _Huh, I really know how to motivate myself to do the right thing._

So I tentatively approach Itachi, intent to get this over with but uncertain how to proceed. Itachi takes it into his own hands when he turns around and greets me with a small, friendly but not happy smile.

"Hello, Hikari-chan."

"Hello", I mumble, trying to disguise my speech impediment as bashfulness.

"How are you today?"

" 'm fine. How 'bout you?"

The sharp glint to Itachi's eyes tells me that he doesn't buy my mumbling as natural. I guess it is too much of a deviation from my previous carefully pronounced speech, which had been a remnant of learning to speak only by listening to other people talk. But I hadn't really expected to fool Itachi anyway, he was made out to be a genius in the original series after all.

"I am doing fine as well. Am I correct in suspecting the lady I met during our last encounter to be your mother?"

I nod silently.

"Are you afraid of your mother, Hikari-chan?"

Hesitantly I meet Itachi's eyes instead of staring over his shoulder. He looks a little confused over his question, as if he can't really imagine someone being afraid of their own mother. Itachi is so naïve still. Sure, he has probably activated his sharingan by now and most definitively lost someone close to him already, but there is other darkness in human nature than causing pain and death and he hasn't encountered these shadowed recesses of our society yet. It almost makes me sorry that dealing with me might take away some of his childlike innocence in that matter.

Nervously, I lick my lips. "Don' tell anyone."

There is a crease between his brows as Itachi regards me with an almost sceptical mien. Then he asks the question I really don't want to answer.

"Why would you be afraid of you your mother enough to run away from home?" _Oh, how very perceptive of him._

The reason I don't want to tell Itachi is that he won't be able to change my situation either. He might kick up a fuss, make people more aware of my plight, but in the end that won't help me anything and only get me into more trouble. Itachi is _ten_ (probably), nobody will humour him even if he decides to support me in trying to get away from that woman.

"Promise not to tell", I demand. Maybe revealing my miserable situation with that woman will help me deal with it, but I can only do that if he doesn't get me into trouble with her.

Itachi looks even more sceptical now. He probably thinks it's a childish reason, like I was afraid from the monsters under my bed, and I am again reminded of how little he knows about the world. I bet child abuse isn't something he has encountered in this form yet. Sure, his father is probably not the best dad he could be with all that pressure to perform extraordinarily well, the rigorous training he probably heaped on Itachi would have probably been considered abuse in the Before, but a parent intentionally harming their child is probably something that never occurred to him as possible. I'm a little sorry to disillusion him in that.

"All right", Itachi agrees, "I promise, that I won't divulge information about your reasons for fearing your mother on my own volition." Smart. He left himself a loophole or two by which he can share details if he's asked.

I can live with that, so I pull my lips back into a _nice_ and _wide_ grin, displaying the full missing upper front row of teeth and the three broken off ones in the lower jaw.

Itachi steps back in shock and it looks like I broke him with how he freezes. I can almost see the mind racing behind his eyes that are locked onto my holey grin.

Letting the grin fall away, I turn to look at the memorial stone again while waiting for him to get a grip.

It takes a moment and then: "Your _mother_ did this to you?" Itachi's voice is agitated but not raised for which I'm thankful.

I shrug. "I fell badly."

"And why did you fall?"

"Because she hit me and I lost balance." My lips turn down into a scowl. This was a bad idea. _Why did I tell him again?_ Admitting my weakness and my injuries is not pleasant and the feeling of shame creeps over my shoulders, hunching them, the longer I think about my failings.

"Why did she-" Itachi cuts himself off before he can finish the question. "Because you ran away?", he hazards a guess.

I shrug again, pulling my head between my shoulders and mumbling, "It's always something."

He takes a while to process that during which I studiously avoid looking at him. When a hand lands on my shoulder I glance over though.

A sad look has settled on Itachi's young face. It both doesn't suit his round boyish face in how refined the emotion is and fits him perfectly with the image I remember of his adult mien.

"I'm sorry", he says and I believe him. He certainly looks sorry.

A grand sigh breaks free and I shrug a third time. "That doesn't help anything."

"What ... What could I do to help you?"

I give some thought to that question, but I don't have an answer to that. "I don't know, but don't tell anyone, please. I don't have anyone else to live with and the orphanage doesn't take in children with living parents."

Black eyes brim with sadness and then suddenly I am pulled into a hug by Itachi. My arms circle his body and I cling to his warmth on a long buried instinct. A few tears escape, but whether they are of joy or sorrow I can't tell.

I don't know how Uchiha Itachi can be so nice, I sure never expected him to be such a bleeding heart, but in that moment I am eternally grateful to the universe that good people still exist.


	6. Reprieve

AN: Moi moi, dear readers. Peruna here...

Yeah, okay, whatever. I wanted to write a chapter. Don't judge. I'm pretty certain that's it for the week though, unless that get-together is seriously boring, which I doubt. Uhh, yeah. It might be that the quality of my writing is a little lower when I'm cranking this stuff out so fast. Please tell me if you notice anything along those lines. So, yeah. All hail the random holidays, giving me time I should use for other stuff than fanfiction writing!

Onto community service! Thank you to _ALL_ my lovely reviewers once more, you are ninety percent of the reason I upload so fast right now. I've noticed that some of you seemed rather affected by the last chapter and seriously? That took me by surprise. I don't get very emotional when writing my stories, I can't laugh or cry or whatever about something I've written. Is that weird? I bet it is. So, yeah. That cry-fest, if there was one, wasn't intentional. I planned to make this chapter fool-proof in that department but ... Itachi demanded a philosophical discourse ... things happened ... so no promises.

To _**rickrossed**_ : At the end of this chapter Hikari is eight, Kakashi is twenty-one and Itachi is eleven. (And Hikari's mother is 25)

To _**GoTherka**_ : Hoo boy is this chapter for you. I hope I can keep that edge on Hikari. I actually like Rotted Rowan a lot, too, and that level of reluctant empathy is what I'm aiming for here. I am also deeply infatuated with the Nara clan, I think half the fandom is :P In my short story _A Bearable Fate_ , they also wormed their way in and kicked out the Akimichi that were supposed to play a bigger part xD

To _**skye-speedy**_ : Hi again! I think you overestimate the amount of free time Itachi has. He's a very busy boy! Also, even if he spent a whole week constantly spying on Hikari's mother, he wouldn't find out about Kakashi. Also also, I think that trope of finding out about plot relevant information by spying is an overused trope both within the fandom and other prose. It's lovely to see your enthusiasm though, so thanks for reviewing :) ...(also, Hikari doesn't really need any help with her reading anymore, she is keeping up well enough by now)

To _**Cisk Kazzarch**_ : Heh, I was in a bit of a pickle about how to write Itachi's character, because he does have a lot of mature thought processes and learned a lot about so much stuff, but I decided that in the end, he is still a very young person and doesn't have the amount of life experience that forms his character in canon. I still hope I did a good there, especially with this chapter x.x

To _**cloudedstargazer**_ : I think we all can't wait for that moment. Still not sure how it'll play out though :P Her teacher just doesn't care enough to notice the frequency of her injuries if he notices any at all and, really, all kids have scratches and bumps and bruises, they are ninja in training, after all ;)

To _**yankey**_ : Oh, don't worry about the Spanish. I have access to a Translator as well, so go ahead :P I'm happy that you enjoy reading about the chakra experiments, I enjoy writing about them a lot. I had so much fun with the hand seals this chapter :D And I really hope that you won't be disappointed with my further portrayal of Itachi x.x He's really hard to write!

To _**Anja.Nuehm**_ : Hey, I take exception to that! I have loads of German friends who are perfectly fine not nit-picking everything. Thank you though for your more detailed review. Constructive criticism isn't always pointing out bad things so you did well :P Yes, Hikari's mother has more reasons for her behaviour, I even wrote a whole page out to give a cohesive background to the whole dilemma. I can't post that into the Author's Note though, that would be too long. There is some deeper contemplation to her character this chapter but that's all from Hikari's point of view, so meh ...

To _**neo567**_ : Yeah, those scenes are meant to be nasty but they do serve a purpose and I'm trying to keep the story on track through them. But really, comparing this to a snuff film is a little harsh, ne? Even if I had lots more violence written here it wouldn't justify that kind of label :( I hope you will see rainbows at the end of this story, but as a fair warning: there will be more nasty. I do my beat do balance it though and you _can_ always skip the bad scenes ;)

To _g_ _uest reviewer **Sid**_ : I'm horrible at naming stuff, so I sat there for, like, an hour before just going with something obvious. The title fits in a more subtle way, too. But both naming reasons are super fat spoilers, so I won't be disclosing that information ;)

 **This story was rated M for ages of 16 and above. Readers discretion is advised.**

 **I do not own Naruto.**

 **6**

"Saru"

Monkey. The hands together, thumbs and pinkies perpendicular, no tension.

"Tatsu"

Dragon. Wrists together, fingers curled, interwoven knuckles, pinkies straight and pointing down, thumbs raised with the left one topping the right one. I always get that wrong, but the sides are important, because the chakra coils on the right side of the body aren't identical to the ones on the left side.

"Ne"

Rat. Right hand curls around the pointer and middle finger of the left as they pint upwards. Like you want to cover the seal of confrontation. It's a peaceful, controlled hand seal. No wonder why the Naras like it so much.

"Tori"

Bird. A real finger-twister. Touch all fingertips together except for the ring fingers, they curl between the palms. It's airy but strains your tendons if you're not used to it.

"Mi"

Snake. Palms together, fingers intertwined, like I'm about to pray, but I haven't for so long now. Don't cross the thumbs. Very tight, this one, but not all that tense.

"Ushi"

Ox. This is another that I get mixed up with the left and right, but it's the right fingers that stay straight while the left middle and ring finger lay on the back of the right hand. I don't know what to think of this one yet.

"Inu"

Dog. Left hand straight on the right fist. Relaxed, like you're petting your fluffy little companion. I pat my hand twice and can't suppress a smile, even if the chakra flow is disrupted by my playing around. _Gotta have a little fun somehow, right? Right. Back on task._

"Uma"

Horse. It's a little like the dragon seal, the fingers curled and intertwined at the knuckles, but the wrists are straight as are the pointers that touch tips and form a triangle in front of my chest. It's not as tense as the dragon, but not relaxed either. It feels like I am raising something up, or creating a construct every time I form it. That makes it my favourite hand seal out of all of them. I don't know how to weave genjutsu yet or create chakra constructions but I know that this seal will help me loads once I get to it. I've always liked horses anyway ...

"Tora"

Tiger. The most memorable out of all hand seals, although that might be because it's used quite often. Hands clasped, pointer and middle fingers straight and pointing upwards, thumbs doing the same. It directs chakra flow upwards through the body if you don't give it any more direction. That makes it good for drawing out and channelling your chakra as well. A jack-of-all-trades seal, if you know how to work with it.

"I"

Boar. Wrists together, hands pointing downwards, fingers curled, digits pressing against each other, thumbs folded inwards. Intense and powerful, it strains the wrists and finger knuckles. I don't know what to use it for yet but it builds pressure as my chakra strains against it's coils.

"Hitsuji"

Ram. Like a displaced tiger. A tiger in ram's clothing? Like a wolf in sheep's fur? The finger positions are the same with the thumb, pointer and middle finger all straight and up, but instead of the ring and pinkie fingers intertwining, the right ones are curled while the left ones cover them. It's relaxed, low tension, good for concentrating and for fine control over your chakra, I guess. I don't have much need for it but the guiding of small amounts of chakra is somewhat easier and faster if I channel it through this seal.

"U"

Hare. Another asymmetrical one. Make a hand gun with the left and a loose fist with the right except for the pinkie that stays straight, rest the blade of your right hand on the outstretched pointer of the left. It's strangely reminiscent of the dog seal from the relaxed touch of the hands. This sign is an interesting one as well. When using it, changes in chakra flow come much easier and are almost snappy. Took me forever to figure that out, since I don't send my chakra back and forth so aggressively because that usually puts it into disarray. With this seal however ... It's interesting to play with, but probably not something I'll actually use all that much. Could play a role in homing jutsus, if there are any. Not much else though ...

"Saru"

I start again, sliding my hands into the relaxed seal that closes a circle with the chakra coils in my arms. It's the most introspective and relaxing of all the hand seals and the perfect one for deep meditation. That's not my goal right now though. I'm trying to make myself more familiar with all of the zodiac seals and figure out how to use them all efficiently.

"Tatsu"

The dragon snaps it's jaw and holds on tight. Is it really a dragon or more of a crocodile? I would waver more to the side of crocodile, this is a very targeted tension. Probably good for when I try to hold or direct something outside my body with chakra.

"Ne"

Three more times I go through all the twelve signs, before I open my eyes and look around. The sun is already setting and I have to hurry back to the flat.

Snatching up my notebook I do just that, slipping in the door after that woman. She merely snorts and goes to make dinner after taking off her sandals.

In the last two months she has calmed down a bit, or at least her assaults have lessened in their intensity. My theory is that she was a little shocked by me bashing my teeth in on the crib and is holding herself back to reflect on the level of injuries I might be getting from her beatings. Maybe that's just wishful thinking, but hey, _hope dies last._

She has also taken to make sure I eat some form of dinner each night unless she is explicitly punishing me. That is ... nice, I guess. A bowl of rice a day isn't really enough for a growing child like me, but she's making the effort at least and I'll acknowledge that.

Her cutting back on the hostility is a godsend. It helps me go back to the flat each night and continue sleeping in the same room as her and, most importantly, it unwound a little of that twisted ball of tension and apprehension in my stomach.

Life is almost looking up for me, but it's such a deviation to what I've come to expect over the years that I don't trust it to last. I can enjoy it for now and still be prepared when she falls back into old habits.

As I silently wait for her to finish preparing whatever food we can afford today, my gaze drifts over to my corner of the room.

That woman took down two sides of bars on the crib, so that it's an open bed now. The bars that held me back for most of my childhood are gone and I can't decide if it's symbolic for a bigger change in my life. _Too early to be certain_ , I tell myself, _don't get your hopes up._

Dinner is the expected bowl of rice with a side of fried greens. Those are the cheapest foodstuffs in Konoha, not all that nutritious but filling. That woman doesn't make a lot of money although she works long hours, which stumps me a bit when I think on the possible reasons for that. I can't really find any grounds on why someone who spends fourteen hours of the day away from the flat to supposedly go work somewhere, seven days a week, earns so little. But maybe that's because I don't know what exactly she does during that time ...

Now that I think about it, such a working schedule would wear anybody thin, the monetary problems not helping in the least. She's more than likely under a lot of stress.

I can't feel bad for that woman. It's not possible for me. Even _if_ she has reasons to not be all sunshine and rainbows - _and that's not even proven, yet!_ \- she will never have my sympathy.

She will not.

Sourly, I set my empty bowl into the sink and start to rinse it.

I'm finally tall enough to comfortably reach over the counter and into the cupboards, but I don't use it for anything else but doing the dishes after eating. Even if that woman isn't hell-bent on beating me up every chance she gets anymore - _and who knows how long that will last?_ \- that doesn't mean she'll allow me to get at her supplies.

 _Doesn't matter, I'll go dumpster diving tomorrow. No need to start anything here just 'cause I'm still hungry._

Scowling, but hiding the expression from that woman's view, I go over to the crib-bed and lay down to sleep.

I can hear that woman shuffle around for a few more minutes before she settles down as well.

Time will tell if the peace holds, until then I'll stay wary. No need to set myself up for disappointment.

 **-o-**

"Tatsu-Ne-Tori-Mi-"

I go through the zodiac seals again, but I'm not meditating or exploring their effects or even channelling chakra -although my chakra _does_ twitch naturally even if I don't channel it into the hand seals, which is _interesting_ ; Is it because the coils flex when the pathways in the hands connect during the seals' formation?

No, right now, I am practising my dexterity. Twisting your hands and fingers into unnatural poses is hard work when you strive for perfection in the task. When you try doing it fast, it's hell on your tendons and joints. But the only remedy for that is practise.

Saying the names of the seals is unnecessary, but it helps me to instinctually associate a movement with the corresponding title. It also lets me concentrate on the individual seals better and prevents awkward fumbling around when I _think_ of one seal but _form_ another half-way before my hands get the memo with the proper instructions. _And_ if I call out the names, I challenge myself to form the seal in the same time it takes to say the words.

But mostly I do it, because it's fun. It reminds me of that cool fight scene where Kakashi and Zabuza stand opposite each other and do their little _Simon says_ routine. As a small kid, I was very impressed by that and really, when you are living in one of your escape fantasies from way back when, why not go all the way?

"-Uma-Tora-I-Hitsuji-"

Yeah, this is fun. I could do this all day long. However, a commotion on the other side of the school yard catches my attention and I disengage my hands from the dragon seal. Using them to support and balance myself, I rise to my feet on top of the training post I have been sitting on.

My new height combined with the elevated position gives me a pretty good overview over a section of the school yard, even if there are a few groups of trees blocking my line of sight. This _is_ a pretty secluded area after all, one of the reasons I like to hang out here.

I don't need visual confirmation of the scuffle to know where it was, though.

"Hey! Leave me alone!" The shrill, angry but also frightened voice sounded like it belonged to a small kid, younger than the standard Academy enrolment age. For me that's good enough a reason to go check it out. Might be interesting.

So I hop off the post and make my way along the wall toward the commotion.

Just behind a group of trees lies a small playground on the Academy grounds, close to the wall facing the Hokage monument. It's not quite easy to see from the main building, but the fenced off training grounds are in sight.

The playground is rather small and sparse in it's entertainment. There are only a few monkey bars and a climbing net, nothing else much. Many of the students prefer to climb in the trees or run around the grass instead of using this somewhat desolate and thoughtlessly designed looking setup. Combined with the random, out-of-the-way location that culminates in no kids being around.

Well.

No kids except the group of freshmen harassing the small kid I heard wailing.

They're not very intimidating. With their eight-year-old figures and round, baby-ish faces they utterly fail at their posturing. It is so very unimpressive, I can almost feel my face setting in that stony, aloof complexion I slip into sometimes.

This is ridiculous. Even though there are four of them and they are all at least a year older than them, I'm taller already and have enough muscle mass to easily take them down.

The smallest kid seems to be browbeaten though. He cowers on the ground, trying to make himself look small and very much succeeding. Blond hair sticks up in spikes between where his hands protectively clutch his head.

He seems to be expecting a beating and the bullies are gearing up to fulfil that expectation.

There is something wrong with a tiny child so used to taking a pounding.

I won't stand for it.

So I go over there and stand between them and the kid. My arms are loose at my sides, my feet spread to shoulder width for balance. This is my first fight and I don't know any techniques to help me, but I am confident that I am stronger and more in control of my own body than them.

Also, I am much better at intimidation than them, as is evidenced by their backing off.

"What the- What the hell?!" Their ring-leader seems pretty flustered, if the way he yells and sputters is any indication. He is also about an inch smaller than me.

I remain silent as is my wont these days and especially because I'm sure my intimidation factor will take a hit as soon as they hear me talk.

The stoic silence instead unnerves them more and by sheer dumb luck on my side, they decide I'm too scary to tangle with. I can't suppress a snort when they scramble away blustering and yelling and trying to retain face and seem like they're not running away like little pussies. _Wimps._

Once they're gone, I shrug and relax my stance. I look down at the shrimp and am greeted by wary, bright blue eyes. He looks kinda cute, if a little thin.

A simple nod on my part and I walk past him, back towards my favourite lounging spot. I can hear him hurry to his feet and taking a few steps.

"Wait!"

At his loud yell, I look back over my shoulder to see the shrimp pointing somewhat rudely at me.

"Who are you and why did you do that?!"

It sounds almost like an accusation, as if I didn't just spare his hide a tanning. With a shrug I continue my strolling back. I don't really want to deal with that. With him.

Because the whisker marks on his cheeks identify him as none other than Uzumaki Naruto, aka _the protagonist_ , and that makes me feel weird.

Sure, I knew he existed in this reality, just as Kakashi and Itachi exist here for me to see, smell, hear and touch. But it's a different thing to be clubbed over the head with the evidence that my new life is based in the world of an anime/manga series. Or that there is an anime/manga series based on the events that will transpire? Am I in the distant past compared to the Before? Distant future? Maybe a parallel world? Was Masashi Kishimoto a soothsayer?

 _Ugh, this is why I don't want to think about it._

Not that it matters in any case. The Before is so far removed from this point in space and time that there is no way of ever going back ... _If_ this doesn't turn out to be some coma-dream or whatever.

 _Man, I hate thinking about the meaning of life an if reality really is reality. It's so useless!_

Naruto doesn't want to let me go though. He races ahead of me and plants himself in my way, spreading his arms as if to block the path, which is ridiculous as he is standing in the middle of an open yard.

"No! Don't just turn away! Tell me who you are!"

I raise an eyebrow at the commanding tone and simply walk around him, dodging his attempts to hold me back easily.

Or not so easily. Uzumaki is actually pretty nimble and almost catches me.

A closed-lipped grin spreads across my face as I dance around his efforts. This is kind of fun, I have to admit. Like playing tag.

But then I have successfully evaded him and put some distance between us, darting into and back and forth in-between a group of trees to lose him.

Once I'm back on top of my post, I start with the hand seals again, feeling light and accomplished. Small deeds can make a big difference in someone's mood. I feel good to have done something good.

Still don't want to hang out with Naruto though. His existence is a walking, talking mind-fuck for me. I will have to deal with that before becoming buddies or whatever.

 **-o-**

I am on my way to that fancy shmancy restaurant that provides me with, like, a third of my food intake nowadays when I hear yet another commotion. It has been only a week since I intervened in that school yard fight on Naruto's - _no, Uzumaki, if I call him Uzumaki I can pretend I don't have so much intimate knowledge about him_ \- on Uzumaki's behalf, but it looks like he has already managed to get himself into trouble again.

Curious I follow the noise down a side street to the farmer's market, where my least favourite stall owner is making a racket, dragging the scrawny kid away from the stalls and further into the streets.

Already a crowd of people has gathered to watch, forming a somewhat tight circle as the man yells abuse at a, _what? Five-year-old? Real mature reaction, there, I bet this level of retaliation for whatever is totally warranted._

From the c _ling, cling, ca-cling_ of a few coins falling to the ground, Uzumaki actually had some money and just wanted to buy something. This assumption is further proven by him yelling exactly that to the stall owner's face, trying to justify himself for the horrible felony of being alive.

 _Assholes, the whole lot of them_

The crowd simply stands there and watches, murmuring amongst themselves. Annoyingly most of the murmurs sound vaguely approving. _What absolute dumbasses!_

They deserve what's coming to them. I won't feel one smidgen of guilt over it.

I can't really help Uzumaki in this situation, there's too many people and, more importantly, they're all adults and some of them know me as a juvenile thieving delinquent. Even if I were to barge onto the scene and publicly defend him, that would only worsen the situation for both of us.

So no, I'll get some petty revenge instead. Maybe it'll cheer him up once these people are done being jerks.

As I weave through the crowd of distracted adults, my hand darts out fast and returns unnoticed by my victims, relieving their wallet and coin purses. I don't take either in full, because if I make the lot of them too upset, I'll have the Uchiha MPs after my hide and _no thanks! I do not need that!_ But I snatch them, take a few bills or coins before surreptitiously slipping the purses back into place.

The distraction is really solid. I'm immensely surprised just how much attention these people give the scene with a yelling kid and an unjustly angry man. _Maybe it's like seeing a train wreck and not being able to turn away..._ Whatever the reason, their negligence is my gain as I manage to raid seven peoples shopping budget.

With bulging pant pockets, I emerge from the thick of the crowd around the area of the stupid vendors stall and the opportunity is way too good to pass up. Everybody, and I mean _everybody_ , there are no visible ninjas on the scene yet, was looking away.

My grin is not pretty. Not only do I still miss all these teeth, but it's also a mean expression, perfectly fitting my actions as I raid the _shit_ out of that cranky bastard's stall. I'm even so brazen as to take two of his bags with the printed stall logo on them to carry away the ill-gotten goods.

I wait until I'm a few streets away before I start snickering, but then I can't stop it anymore. I laugh under my breath, trying to manage my volume as I store the bags in a discarded crate at the dead end of the alley, stuffing the stolen money between a couple of bento boxes, before disguising the loot under loose cardboard and splintered boards.

When I'm sure the display looks inconspicuous, I exit the alley and make my way back to the farmers market. Arriving just in time to see Uzumaki free himself and run away, I take off after him.

Did I mention that he was fast? No? Well, there you have it. The kid is agile and speedy in his get-away, using blocked alleys and fences to lose possible pursuers. Which would be me. I stay hot on his heels though, following his every move to imitate his managing of the obstacles.

It takes everything I got and the combination of observational effort and physical strain is exhilarating, not to mention the pure adrenaline the high-speed - _for youngsters like us_ \- chase sends pumping through my veins.

My chakra rises and flows with my movements and in a well-practised flexing of my coils I send it spilling into my muscles. With the immediate boost in speed, I tackle Uzumaki to the ground, rolling a few paces before my back collides with a wall, thankfully not really hurting the kid in the process.

A delighted laugh bubbles out of my chest, as I pin down Uzumaki in a hug/hold.

"Kid, you fast!" I manage between breathless gales of laughter.

Uzumaki squirms around in my arms, but can't quite turn to see me. When he realizes that as well an elbow lands in my gut and wheezing, I let go. Immediately he scrambles away and up, before turning and laying eyes on my crumpled giggling form.

"Hey, hey! I know you!" Again with the pointing. Why does he do that? "I know you! You were the one from at school!"

Eying the finger thrust in my face, I pull myself together and sit up. "Yah", I affirm.

"Why were you chasing me?!" Cute, how he thinks he can demand stuff from me. Also hella rude, but whatever. I won't judge.

I still scoff, pushing the hand away and standing up. "Wanted to show you something. Come on!" Waving for him to follow me, I take off.

Just for fun I use some of the new routes Uzumaki has so generously shown me to get back to the alley with the loot faster. The boy follows easily, of course, but he looks guarded and wary whenever I spare him a glance. That's understandable though, given what just happened to him.

Once we arrive at the blind alley, I take a moment to look him over for injuries. Nothing stands out, really, which relieves me for some reason. _Am I already invested in him? Is that a good idea?_

"What'cha want to show me?", Uzumaki's voice is quieter now, not so demanding anymore. There is something in his expression that isn't wary, but I don't know what else it might be, so I dismiss it.

Instead of trying to muddle through social clues, I begin to unearth my stolen goodies to show to Naruto. He looks interested but keeps a certain distance as to be out of my reach. Whatever.

Once I pull the two bags out of the pile of wooden leftovers, Uzumaki looks at me incredulously.

"How did you know I wanted to buy a bento?"

"Cha, you yelled it loud enough for half the village to know."

"Are you ... Are you gonna give me one?"

Uzumaki looks hesitantly hopeful. I scoff.

"'Course not! I brought you here just to eat in front of you."

"WHAT?!"

I roll my eyes. "Dumbass. How about we make half-half? You helped me get this stuff with the distraction you made."

Now Uzumaki's eyes are sparkling, which unnerves me. "Really?" Yeah, really unnerving, those wide, watery, ocean blue eyes. I shudder.

With quick movements, I dump all the contents of the bags onto a relatively clean piece of cardboard and start separating the stuff into two piles, keeping the money to myself, because I'm selfish like that. Then I pack my half into one of the bags leaving the other next to the other pile and made a swift exit.

"Bye", I call back to the boy, where he still sits a little dazedly. He'll be fine. A good meal will do him good.

A good meal will do _me_ good as well. Mmmmh, I can already taste the bento. They are the best. I'm kind of glad the vendor is such an ass. If he were a good guy, I couldn't justify stealing from him. But he's not, so I will indulge myself.

Good things, bad things. Right now is good, life looks up.

 **-o-**

Itachi finds me at the memorial stone as he does from time to time. Usually it's just brief encounters as if he's checking that I'm not dead in a ditch or something. Every time I see him, I'm so grateful that he comes to see me, to see if I'm okay, that he cares at all.

We don't do much when we meet, mostly he asks if I'm okay and I do the same. I'm always fine, same as him, even when I have a few bruises and he is stressed and tired.

He is a Chuunin already, braved the exams on his own without the backup of a team. That's because it's his teammates that receive the flowers whenever he comes here.

I think he is a little lonely. Not because he's actually alone, no, his father is very proud of him, his mother loving and caring and his little brother is the light of his life, he has told me so himself and I believe him. But Itachi is unsatisfied. It's a feeling that runs deep in him and that causes him to distance himself from his comrades. From my foreknowledge -that's what I'm calling it, no matter if it's actually knowledge of future events- I know that Itachi hates conflict, that shinobi life is more taxing on him than it is on others, but he hasn't confided in me yet, so I can't help him out.

But I can tell him about whatever I'm thinking about at the moment, try and give him some reprieve of all the expectations of being a good shinobi when all he wants to do is to stop fighting.

When I see Itachi approaching with his usual bouquet of flowers, I stop feeding my newest rat volunteer chakra infused mouldy bread.

The rodent hadn't been susceptible to being manhandled at first, but in the past half a year my studies of a rats' body have progressed nicely, if I do say so myself, and my current focus lies on controlled stimulation of the brain via chakra. It's a very volatile past-time and not all that healthy for my little, furry subjects, but fascinating all the while.

Just a week ago, I successfully located a very specific network of chakra capillaries in an area of the cerebellum that, when dosed with a rather specific chakra makeup, causes the rat to instantly calm down, the fight-or-flight response shut down completely. Which is very convenient and useful for all further tests and volunteers I go through.

Itachi doesn't like my experimenting, so I usually don't do it in front of him. He hasn't seen a mellow rat yet, though, so I pick up the peaceable rodent with both hands and carry it on my arm like a kitten when I walk to greet him.

The Uchiha prodigy eyes the animal, but doesn't show any emotion. I pout exaggeratedly at his fabricated, neutral face and he raises a brow. A grin sneaks onto my face and I give the pout up as a bad job. Can't stay mad at Itachi for anything, anyway.

"Hi, Itachi-san! This is Haruma-kun, do you want to pet him?"

"Hello, Hikari-chan. Would you care to tell me what you did to that rat?" He regards me speculatively. "Would I even want to know?"

I grin and Itachi's eyes flick to the missing teeth almost too fast to catch, but I expected it anyway. He still has trouble believing my supposed mother has caused that, so he always, _always_ looks, as if to reassure himself that he didn't imagine it or something. It's weird, but I don't mind.

He's the only one that knows of that woman's past exploits towards me and the only one except her to know about my knocked out teeth. The fact that he witnessed and was appalled at my injuries gives me reassurance that I'm not simply overreacting or exaggerating the wounds in my mind.

"Why, Itachi-san, don't you believe that this little cutie adores and loves me with all his little heart?"

"No, I certainly don't."

I snort at his deadpan tone and a little smile tugs at his lips.

"It's a little off-switch at the back of the brain. Don't know how log it'll take to wear off, but until then, little Haruma-kun will be my bestest furry buddy."

I squeeze the rat to my chest and only get a squeak from the rodent. It doesn't fight back or tries to flee at all. Grabbing it by the tail and dangling it in front of Itachi's face doesn't get a big reaction either. A little wiggle, before the rat decides that it's too much effort and relaxes again.

Itachi grimaces and bats my hand away. I giggle and let go of the rat, sending in flying into a bush. The Uchiha sighs and rubs his eyes tiredly.

"Oh, don't worry, Haruma-kun will be fine. Rats are hardy and I'll pick him up later."

"I see."

I smile up at him. Even though I have been having growth spurts, Itachi has really beat me in that department. He's eleven now, I think, and he's growing like there's no tomorrow.

Still has an absolutely adorably boy-face with those round cheeks, though the beginnings of the tired lines springing from the tear ducts under his eyes are already there. They make him look tired in a refined way, much fancier than the standard, run of the mill dark circles around the eyes.

Typical Uchiha, they look beautiful even in their imperfections. And that's not me being a fangirl, mind you, that's just how they are ... Or at least how the main family of the Uchiha are. Since being reborn, I've even seen such wondrous things as an Uchiha with a non-beautiful curve of the eyebrow. I know, _shocking._

It's not quite puberty yet for Itachi, but he's getting there, and that makes me kind of nervous.

I know that I'm well outside the radius of the Uchiha massacre, but I don't want to lose Itachi so soon again. The date is a little vague in my head, never being something I took a special interest in in the Before, so I don't know how much time I still have before he leaves Konoha.

"Itachi-san, would you like an onigiri?"

The Uchiha looks at me sceptically. "Where would you get an onigiri? And don't you want to eat it yourself?"

"I stole it", I admit shamelessly although Itachi is less than approving of that habit of mine, "The guy was a jerk again, so I took more than I need, really ..."

Itachi sighs again, but accepts the wrapped rice ball I dig out of my pocket. Together we meander over to the memorial and he sets down his flowers on the dais.

A while we are silent, Itachi honouring his fallen teammates and me enjoying the fresh and somewhat cold breeze. December has come and gone and I'm eight now, not that it makes a big difference. In the Before I had a birthday in December as well, but I don't even know the exact date it is in this life. It doesn't matter either, and if I ever wanted to find out it would probably be in my Academy files.

"Hikari-chan, do you ever think on the meaning of life?"

Itachi's quiet question catches me off-guard. I have, actually, spent some time on that question, both in the Now and in the Before. It's not something I like to ponder. All those big, philosophical questions always seemed meaningless to me.

What does it matter if reality is actually reality, if we experience it that makes it real enough.

What does it matter if there is no deeper meaning to the world at large, if it only exists because of random chance, we still live in it and that's what matters.

I like to think in small, practical quantities. In the Before, I never made any specific plans for anything further away from the present than half a year. _Living on sight_ is how I called it.

"I have."

"What do you think is the meaning of life?"

I sigh.

"The meaning of life at large is to procreate, that is what all living things do, it's what created every living thing around us."

I don't feel prepared for a philosophical discussion like this right now. Itachi looks at me strangely and that's a normal reaction. It's not the answer to what he asked and I know it. It also doesn't really hold up anymore if there is such things as souls and spiritual energy and _actual kami._

"The meaning of life as a human ... I believe the meaning of life is whatever we want it to be. Everybody can choose what they want their time in the realm of the living to be about. Life without meaning is agony for us humans, we need something to give us direction, whatever that something might be."

I can feel Itachi's gaze on me and I don't want to meet these dark, black-as-a-starless-night eyes but I wring myself to do it anyways. Some people take philosophy very seriously and want to help him to a conclusion that will make him happy, whatever it will be.

"I think that whatever makes me happy and satisfied is enough to strive for in this life. I'm selfish. But everyone has different priorities."

There is a long time of silence. I lose myself in Itachi's eyes, thoughts wandering away from the topic I don't really want to explore further. This is all a little out of my depth, so I distract my mind and give Itachi all the time he needs to think things over.

"You say that everybody gives their own life meaning. Does that mean that life is inherently meaningless?"

I bite my lower lip and chew on it a little.

"I don't know if there is a higher destiny to all things, it's entirely possible. But we will never reach that level of understanding, so we must set ourselves a path because we can't read the map of fate."

Oh god, what am I even saying? I hate that spiritual analogy crap. Why do I have to have this conversation?!

Another long pause. We're still staring into each other's eyes. Itachi is probably deep in thought while I try to ignore how uncomfortable I am.

This is something I can do for him, so I will have to soldier through. He's giving me a lot of support, and _Jashin be damned_ , I _will_ do the same for him!

"When I was four, I saw my first battlefield", Itachi starts and that comes a little out of the left field for me. I had not expected this to turn into story time, but I keep my face straight and serious and attentive. I'll be the best damn listener in all of Konoha for Itachi, he deserves to vent to someone. "It was one of the last offenses Iwa started in the Third Great Shinobi War. I was travelling with my father to an outpost when we came across the battlefield. There were so many dead, so many lay dying."

Itachi breathes deeply before continuing. "There was an Iwa shinobi that begged for water, so I ran to him and helped him alleviate his thirst, but as soon as he did, he tried to attack me. I defended myself and he died. What meaning did giving him water have, when he died mere minutes later? What meaning does living have, if we are destined to die?"

His voice is bland and void of emotion and _this is why I hate philosophical discussions!_

"You gave him water out of your own kindness, doing so was the right thing to do because it made you feel better than not giving him water would have. How he chose to use the mercy you gave him was his choice and he chose to try a last offense."

Itachi's brow wrinkles. "But what use was it? It had no effect."

"Yes, but in his last moment he did what he did because it was what path he had chosen for himself. The Iwa shinobi chose to give any life he had to the war effort of his village. He died with meaning, because to him there was a deeper meaning. You gave him mercy because that is part of what meaning you had given your life until that point. You defended yourself because you chose for that moment to not be the end of your path."

 _Kami, I hate this! Please, be okay with that, Itachi, I don't think I can take this any longer._

Apparently, I actually did well enough for Itachi to reach some kind of conclusion. The set of his eyes changed and his wrinkled brow smoothed out. It was a neutral expression, but he didn't seem so agonized over the issue anymore.

 _Did I ... Did I do a good?_

"When I came back from that encounter, I trained restlessly. Otou-sama showed me a lot of shurikenjutsu and taijutsu, but I wasn't satisfied. Training ... did not help me find meaning in life. And at one point I stood at the cliff over the Naka river and I let myself fall."

I stand frozen, staring at Itachi with wide eyes. _What?!_ _He tried to kill himself?! When he was four?!!_ "Only instinct drove me to save myself from the fall."

My brain is broken. Yes, I knew that Itachi was suicidal, _but only in the future!_ I had thought that was because _he had to murder his family!_

The image of Itachi swims and wavers in front of me and I have no idea what is going on anymore. _Just ..._ I don't even know.

"When Sasuke was born, he brought me such joy and even though I still didn't know what meaning there was, I felt better."

Why is he telling me all of this? Shouldn't that be his _inner_ monologue? Since when does Itachi entrust himself to others?

"The day I saw you here for the first time, I was certain that you were going to do the same thing I did. I thought you were going to drown yourself."

I shift on my feet and blink my eyes rapidly because suddenly they sting horribly.

Still, Itachi is there in front of me, his gaze locked with mine, holding me in place when I really, actually want him to stop and go away. _I have never been suicidal. Never. He can go and take his assumptions elsewhere._

But Itachi stays, twisting the knife further in. I don't even know what knife or where it stuck, but it hurt.

"You had that look in your eyes", he says and I want him to _stop!_ , "When you looked around and saw me, your eyes were so empty. I was sure that if I didn't do anything something bad would happen."

 _Oh kami, Itachi, you're killing me. Please just stop. I don't want to talk about myself!_

Itachi must have finally heard my silent pleas for him to stop because he does, and from his blurry outlines it looks like he is really observing now, actually seeing me instead of gazing at me.

He steps forward and envelops me into another hug. I don't know why but it feels just as good as the last one. _Who would have though Uchiha would make such a good comfort?_ I certainly hadn't. But then again I hadn't expected Itachi to drag me into a philosophical discourse. _Damn him!_

"What I want to say is: Thank you. I'm glad you are alive. You helped me much today."

 _Oh kami. I can't be mad at him._

I sob into his shoulder uncontrollably. I don't know why I am so emotional and I don't want to know. I want to leave this whole discussion behind me.

I'm happy that Itachi took something out of it but it was way too much for me.

I hate philosophical discussions. I hate thinking about things that make me miserable.

 _Please, let's never do that again._

 **-o-**

"Tatsu-U-Tatsu-Saru-Tatsu-Ne-Tatsu-Tori-"

My fingers ache from the constant shift in posture and strain. The dragon seal is one of the slowest for me to form and it is also one of the more straining ones, so, obviously, it's the one I practise the most.

The sequence I'm doing right now is basically just the usual zodiac one just that every other seal I form is the dragon one. This kind training also makes me more versatile as I build muscle memory to seamlessly transition from the dragon to any other seal and from any other seal into the dragon. Of course I use similar training strategies for the other hand seals, it's just that the dragon sequence is the hardest so I do it most often.

It's freezing outside, but I enjoy the cold and like the sight of the snowflakes slowly drifting to the earth around me. My gaze is locked onto the grey sky that feels so peaceful and endless with the little dots of snow seeming to randomly appear mid-air before descending to add to the meter-thick layer of white covering the ground.

As always I am sitting on my favourite trakning post during the lunch period, my tracks being the only one to marr the beautiful glittering blanket all around me. Most of my peers decided to stay inside or have a snowball fight in the case of a few boys. As usual none stray toward my little recluse. Unlike usual, there is an easy way to find me for those who didn't already know where I spend recess.

I blame that for the fact that Uzumaki has finally found me.

I can hear his brash steps as he trudges along the path I have carved into the snow and spy the ochre brown on his winter coat against the white surroundings out of the corner of my eye, not to mention the glaringly red scarf around his neck. However, I continue with my dexterity execises, face turned to the heavens, until he loudly calls out to me.

"Oi! You! I've been looking all over for you!" He's pointing again. That's going to be a reoccurring theme, isn't it? With the pointing and accusatory shouting? Was that the reason I had avoided him? I can't even remember how I came to that decision anymore.

I lower my gaze and halt my exercise. Absentmindedly I note that my hands are set in the boar seal and vaguely curious over the possible outcome, I start channelling small amounts of chakra.

"I don't even know your name!", Uzumaki shouts. The tension in my coils is already noticeable and I carefully let it build.

"Only took you half a year to figure that out", I comment dryly.

"And you talk funny!" His face is so scrunched up and annoyed, it's kind of entertaining to behold.

"You don't say." My tone is dry as ... dry stuff. I don't know, my concentration is pulled away to the pressure in my coils. Now this is interesting. I've noticed this unusual pressure often before and it falls a little out of the pattern, since all the other hand seals significantly alter the natural flow of chakra through the body.

The boar seal doesn't do that though. If left undirected, channelling chakra will cause pressure to build in all coils evenly throughout of the body with exception to the brain -which is curious also, but most probably just a protective mechanism of the body to protect it's most sensitive organ. Or the chakra pathways of the brain are naturally stiff and not as expandable as the rest of the chakra network. Could someone then maybe bring one of them to burst? And what would that do?

Ugh, _focus!_ Oh, yes, boar, evenly distributed pressure in the chakra coils. So my fresh, new idea is to just release the built up chakra outside the body. And that's what I do.

I stop channelling chakra through the seal an push all the pressure that had built up out of the coils.

Uzumaki had been in the middle of a little rant, but he is cut off when a wave of snow hits him square in the face.

The chakra rushes out of my body like a shockwave and unfortunately, two things apply.

One, for someone with small, immature chakra reserves an uncontrolled release is very draining.

Two, the pent-up pressure ripping out of the body, intensified by a mindless push, is not good for the surrounding tissue.

I barely register a snapping feeling in several places of my body, before black overtakes my vision and I keel forwards.


	7. Cripple

An: Moi moi, dear readers! Peruna here. Thank you people for almost _two thousand_ views in the last week alone! And _thank you_ to all the people that favourited or follow the story! You are cool people!I must say, I _had_ expected more reviews for the shameless cliffhanger I left you with, but either it wasn't as interesting as _I_ thought it was, or uploading during the week just results in fewer people taking the time. Meh. Whatever.

I'm half satisfied with this chapter and half unsatisfied. I spent a lot of disjointed few minutes here and there writing it instead of the two to three hour chunks I usually take, so it might not flow as prettily as the other chapters. I'll probably work it over some time next week again ...

Onto community service! A little short today, but what can you do :)

To _**rickrossed**_ : Heheh, most definatly. One might only imagine how she will feel after Itachi leaves Konoha _*supremely exaggerated evil laugh*_

To _**skye-speedy**_ : We will find out. Naruto is such a cutie-patoutie, I won't be able to resist writing about him :p

To _**time-twiligh**_ _ **t**_ : Doesn't really come out in the chapter, but when the medics notice the marks of abuse on Hikari, they question her mother about it, who tells them that Hikari gets into fights often. It's believable enough and they really have other concerns anyway, so that's as far as it goes. Poor Hikari, nobody cares :(

To _guest_ : Yeah, he did. 'Twas about two weeks after his team came back from Kanabi bridge lacking Obito that Kakashi went and got himself black-out drunk at some seedy shinobi bar, where Hikari's mother -also drunk off her ass- picked him up to have a fun night even though he was very clearly not in the right mind to make good decisions. Despicable of her, which is why her kunoichi friend was so mad.

 **I do not own Naruto.**

 **7**

 _"Hey, little sister, how are you?"_

 _"Fine." I sigh. "At least the weather's nice." And it really is. The sun beats down on me as I throw my backpack into the grass and flop down myself. "What's up?"_

 _"Oh, nothing much. Just wanted to hear how my little sister's doing." He sounds nonchalant enough. Maybe mum hasn't set him up to do this._

 _"Hey, you know, I've got this new story I'm working on. I'm real proud of it." My deflection is somewhat clumsy but he doesn't seem to mind._

 _"Alright, shoot!"_

 _"Well, it's actually a fanfiction, sorry. You're probably not that interested ..."_

 _"What kind of fanfiction? Maybe I'll be interested."_

 _"Nah, you won't. It's to Naruto. Has nothing much to do with the main cast and whatnot, but it's still more fantasy-ish ninja stuff."_

 _"Yeah, I hear you. Doesn't sound like something I'd read ..."_

 _"But it's got a cool perspective!" I don't even know whether I want him to read it or not. Sure, I'm proud of my baby but it's nothing he'd actually enjoy and pressuring people into reading my stuff won't get me good feedback either._

 _"Nah, sorry little sis'. If you ever write something more into Science Fiction, I'd be all over it in seconds! You know, that'd be really neat."_

 _"I guess, but I can't write what I don't read and I'm just not that into Sci-Fi ... Hm, but there is this idea I've been having for a few years, like a fantasy/Sci-Fi mix. Wanna hear it?"_

 _"Yeah! Hit me!"_

 _We spend an age and a half talking, fleshing the idea out just for fun. He doesn't write and I'm currently otherwise occupied in my writing projects. It's a lot of fun, though, just discussing the basic plot and haggling over details._

 _Crazy that the brother who was my biggest thorn in his younger years (read: puberty) is a pretty good person to just chat over the phone with. As long as we don't see each other and each of us has enough space to fully express themselves, we get along great! Christmas can be challenging sometimes though ... But that's what family is in the end. We still love each other, even if tempers need a little time to cool down again sometimes._

 _"What time is it anywa- oh! We almost talked for two hours! I gotta go, little sis' enjoy your weekend!"_

 _"Yeah, you too! Have fun!"_

 _I resume to listening to music and playing some mindless casual game on my phone._

 _A message pops up. Dad sent a photo into the family group. It's of the freshly painted white garden fence at home with young tulips blooming all around it. How disgustingly pretty. Of course I retaliate, immediately snapping a picture of my spread out legs on the fresh green grass with wild daffodils and daisies dotted all around._

 _With a comment on the beautiful weather I send it. A few minutes later he sends a smiley with ever cool sunglasses, telling me to enjoy myself._

 _Another chat pops with a message. It's from mum._

 _'How did the exam go?'_

 _I swipe it away, turning up the music a little and resuming my game. I don't want to talk about it yet._

 _Half an hour my phone rings again. My other brother. I take a moment to think about whether or not I should answer, but then do it anyway._

 _"Hey, how are you?"_

 _"Fine ... How 'bout you?"_

 _"Good, good! Jenny and I want to go to the skate park in a bit, but I wanted to call and ask how it went?"_

 _I sigh. "It ... Well, I don't know the results yet, it might still be a pass. Didn't go all that well, though." The last words are mumbled but he understands me anyway._

 _"Hey now, chin up. I'm sure you did well. Do you want to talk about it?"_

 _"Not really." My voice is small and thin, wavering, but bless him, he doesn't press. There are a few awkward moments where he gives me the chance to centre myself again. "So ... the skate park? Want to make any new friends like that last time?"_

 _He laughs. "No, absolutely not. We go in the noon time because there's less people around, so that when I inevitably grace the dirt with my handsome face, no one will see."_

 _I snort a laughter. "Yeah, well, gotta get back into the swing of thing first, right?"_

 _"Yeah. So what are your plans for the weekend? Nothing much. I'll probably stay in and read ... write a bit. I'm on a new project, I'm pretty proud of it."_

 _There is a brief moment of silence where I can hear him exchange a few words with his girlfriend and start rolling along the street on his skateboard._ _"Jenny says, I should greet you for her."_

 _"Well, greet her back then!" He does, exchanging a few other inaudible words. I can hear his girlfriend laughing. She's a nice person, totally fitting for him. I've only met her twice thus far and she's really open minded and listens to me rambling on even if she has no idea what I'm talking about._ _She even read a little of my fanfiction, now that I think about it, even if she has never even watched an anime ... at all, just to make me happy. Super cool person in my books._

 _"So! New story, huh? Care to share?"_

 _"Yeah sure, it's about Naruto ..."_

 _My brother listens to me rambling about my project and throws in a comment here and there. I focus mostly on how much fun and time I have writing and how I relish in the positive feedback I get online, while he congratulates me on finding something nice to do._

 _"Send me a link. I can't promise to read it though, my English sucks." Which is a lie. He is perfectly capable of communicating in English, but literature is different. "You know? I've started watching The Big Bang Theory in the original version."_

 _"Really? That's cool! I always thought the original was better than the dub. The voice actors they cast are all accomplished and good at their job and all, but it's just ..."_

 _He hums in understanding. "Mh-hm, I know what you mean. The jokes just come across better in English."_

 _"Yeah ... It's why I always try to watch this stuff in the original dub."_

 _"Eh, it's not that easy with other shows."_

 _"Practise makes perfect", I sing._

 _"I know", he sings back._

 _"Well, I'm at the park now. Nice talk."_

 _"Yeah, good talk. Have fun!"_

 _"You know, you can call any time. You wanna talk, you call, okay?" My brother's voice is soft and sincere. He has called me every day for the last week for pep talks and constantly reiterates that statement. My heart hurts, I'm so glad to have him, to have his wonderful support. All my family supports me but he always knows how to talk to me when I'm down. "No matter what time. You can call at three in the morning, alright? If you catch me at a bad time, I'll tell you, but you can always call."_

 _"Yeah, I know", I whisper gratefully, "Thank you."_

 _He laughs. "What else is family for? Have a nice day and go out this weekend! Have some fun!"_

 _I probably won't go out, but that's just me being a social recluse. Staring at the phone for a minute, I get up and walk into the house to my room in the shared flat._

 _Flopping gracelessly onto the couch after navigating through the chaos, I start paging through a book. I can't concentrate on it, but I read anyway while my thoughts spin around. When I reach the end of the page without having retained any information, I simply start from the top again. I do that about five times before I actually flip the page and continue._

 _My phone rings again. I shouldn't have told everybody the date of the exam. I sigh and pick up, greeting my mum._

 _"Hi, sweetie. I just wanted to know how the test went." Sighing and thoroughly done with discussing my failures, I decide to be blunt and hopefully get this over with._

 _"Horribly."_

 _"Really?" She sounds sympathetic. I called her in a crying fit last week when I was sure that I would fail everything and that I won't be able to continue studying at the uni. I knew that she would start the Pep Talk Initiative TM and not let it go, but at that moment I just needed to hear some reassurances. "Well, we'll see how it goes. And if you really do fail everything, we'll figure something out, too. We supported your brother during all his changes of study course and you know we always try to treat all of you the same. But right now, I want you to give it your best effort. That's all we expect of you. Give it your best and when it works out: Great! If it doesn't: That's fine, too."_

 _I listen to her speech wearily. It's nothing new. It's the principle on which our parents raised us, after all, and it's exactly what I wanted and needed to hear when I called her up crying. Now, I'm just tired. It didn't go well and even knowing that I have my parents backing doesn't cheer me up. I'm still grateful that my parents are awesome like that._

 _"Thanks mum, you and dad are the best. You are special and the best parents anyone could wish for, I just ... don't want to talk about it right now." Another deep sigh on my part. I hate failing this shit so hard. What will I do with my life if the thing I've worked so stubbornly for turns out to be a nightmare?_

 _"Well, sweetie, I just want you to know it's not the end of the world. Even if you failed all the repeat exams now, you still have the third try, right? And the new term starts in a week? How will that go?"_

 _I groan. "Yeah, it starts next week. I'm signed up for all the courses. I'll attend all the stuff regularly."_

 _"So what are the consequences if you_ do _have a failing grade on the exams?"_

 _"Mooom, I don't want to talk about it right now. I'm really grateful for your support this week, but I just want to put it out of my mind for now."_

 _"That's okay. Are you doing something this weekend?"_

 _"Well, Samantha said that a friend's band is having a gig at a bar tomorrow and that I'm invited to go with her."_

 _Mum is instantly enthusiastic. "You should go!" She thinks I should go out more and I get where she's coming from but ..._

 _"They play death metal."_

 _"Oh." Her reaction is almost comic and I can't supress a smirk._

 _"Yeah, not my style, really." All my support and recognition to Samantha and her talent and work put into playing in two different bands but metal is_ not _my favoured genre. It's cool that she invited me though, even if I turn her down so often. Makes me grateful to have found such an involved friend._

 _"I understand that. You should still get out more."_

 _"Eh, I'm more like dad. You know. Like vampires and sunlight, we steer clear of social gatherings."_

 _Mum laughs at my joke. Then there's a pause in which none of us has anything to say._

 _"And what comes next?", she asks._

 _"What do you mean?"_

 _"At the uni, what do you do-"_

 _"Bye mum", I interrupt her, "Love you!" Then I end the call, barely hearing the exasperated "I love you, too" from her end._

 _Yes, I love my mother, but she does not know how to stop digging and I don't want to deal with that right now. We'll talk on Sunday again. Sunday is the 'Call Mom'-day._

 _Pulling a plaid blanket up to my chin, I start reading again. This time I can concentrate. I can count myself lucky for the family I have. There is an unending pool of love and acceptance with them. Whatever I do and wherever I go, I can always count on them having my back._

 _I miss them._

I miss them.

 **-o-**

Waking up is an uncomfortable affair. I'm thoroughly disoriented from the memories swimming around my head and the pain of loss and grief and longing clenches my heart and hinders my breathing.

My chest convulses with sobs and high-pitched keening fills the room, because _they're gone! I will never see them again._

The wails gain vibrancy as I begin to cry in earnest. Tears escape my pressed shut eyes and my mouth pulls wide open in a no doubt ugly grimace as my grief breaks out of me, gaining voice and demanding to be experienced.

There is nothing I can feel, except the straining in my lungs as I suck in stuttering breaths and push them out into deep seated howls.

There is nothing I can hear, except my own desperate crying filling my head and resonating in my skull.

There is nothing I can think of, except my family, my brothers, my parents, my friends that _I will never see again. That I will never hear again._

I howl as loud as I can but the pain doesn't lessen.

 _I will never come home again. I will never see them over the holidays. I will never argue with my brothers or play a round of_ Age of Empires _with them ever again._

 _No more Christmas ham._

 _No more godparents visiting over New Years Eve._

 _Never entertaining my cutest little cousins again._

 _Never parsing through Finnish to talk with my grandma again._

I can't take this. I can't live like this.

My cries intensify, ripping through my throat painfully as I call their names, wishing they could hear me, wishing I could go back _home._

Somebody grabs my shoulders and presses me down onto the mattress I lay on. I struggle against them, shaking my upper body to dislodge them and howling even louder.

" _Nein! Lasst mich! Leave me alone!"_

But they don't leave. Their hands keep pressing down and someone else puts their palm on my forehead. I try to shake it off, fighting against the hold and crying uncontrollably.

There is a cool feeling as foreign chakra slips beneath my skin and although it doesn't hurt me, it reminds me of how I am _never going home again._

" _Ne-he-heeeein!_ "

 _I hate chakra! I hate this reality._

Fatigue sweeps over me and dampens my struggles. Weariness takes the edge off.

 _I just want to go home._

Unconsciousness greets me like an old friend and I desperately welcome it.

 **-o-**

 _It's dark. Gloomy really. The room is large but mostly empty with smooth unadorned walls. My mother sits next to my hospital bed._

 _"Uuugh", I groan, disoriented and confused. Mum looks at me and I can't place the emotion her face displays. I lock my sights on her. "Where am I? What's going on?"_

 _"Good morning, sunshine. You're in the anaesthetic recovery room. You just got out of the operating theatre."_

 _That makes sense. I know they brought me downstairs to operate._

 _I'm uncomfortable, looking for something familiar that's not there. "Where is Coco?"_

 _Mum looks at me. "She's at home, honey, it's two o' clock in the morning."_

 _"I wanna see Coco", I inform my mother and I really do. I long to see my best friend. That she isn't here when I obviously need her feels like betrayal. Why isn't she here?_

 _I turn my head so that my left ear is on the pillow, looking around dazedly. "Where am I?", I ask. This room is unfamiliar, the walls look weird with that weird grey colour._

 _"You're in the recovery room, sweetie."_

 _I turn my head to look at my mum. It's good to see her. "What's going on?"_

 _"You got operated on. It was an emergency procedure."_

 _Looking around I notice something amiss. "Where's Coco? I wanna see her."_

 _"Honey, Coco is at home. It's two in the morning." I look at my mums soft, round face._

 _"Can you call her? I wanna see her."_

 _"Of course."_

 _A while long, I just look at her face and she looks back at me._

 _Mum's here, that's good. I would sit up, if I could. I'm kind of confused and would like to know what's going on, but I'm really beat and can't move because my body's so heavy. Better ask mum then, she probably knows what's up._

 _"What's going on?"_

 _"The surgeons just finished operating on you. They couldn't wait any longer." Yeah, I remember that vaguely. It hurt when they moved me from my bed onto the table. Now I'm in a bed again. I look around, confused._

 _"Where am I?"_

 _"You're in the recovery room, it's in the basement." Okay then, but ..._

 _"Where is Coco?" I really want to see her, why isn't she here?_

 _"She's at home, sweetie." Why is she at home? I just got operated on. Shouldn't she be here? Mum said she'd call her so where is she?_

 _"When will she be here?"_

 _"In a few hours, honey."_

 _"I want her here now, though."_

 _"I know, but it takes a little time." The hospital isn't that close to home, it does take a little time to reach it by car. But mom's here, why isn't she?_

 _I look around. Why is this room so dark and grey? There's no windows ..._

 _"Where am I?"_

 _"You're in the wake-up room, honey."_

 **-o-**

Reluctantly I open my eyes. They are sticky and grainy, but after a few blinks I can see.

I'm in an off-white room, laying on a bed with an adjustable backrest and stiff sheets. There are curtains and machines, an IV going into my arm and a tube stretching towards my face that's connected to some machine or another. A heart-rate monitor beeps steadily on my right. The wall on my left has a window imbedded in it, but I can't look outside because the curtains are drawn.

Everything looks pristine and orderly and clean.

This is a hospital room.

It takes a while to sift through my confused and chaotic memory in order to find the reason of _why_ I am in a hospital.

 _Right. Chakra is a thing here._

 _Naruto came to talk to me but I wasn't listening, because I was channelling chakra ... I mean, Uzumaki came to talk to me ..._

 _And I ... I had been playing with the building pressure and then ... I had released it to a bad effect._

Something had gone wrong. I remember some snapping feeling in my limbs ...

I try to lift my right arm, but the attempt sends pain racing up my arm and I immediately drop it. With a groan I catalogue the lingering ache that I now realize comes from _all over my body_.

 _Shit._

How much damage have I done to myself?

A groan escapes me. My body feels so heavy that I don't think I could move even if I wasn't in pain. The only part that doesn't hurt is my head. Probably because there was no pressure to be released, so I didn't damage anything higher than my chin with that stupid stunt.

I'm so tired, I should just go back to sleep.

At a last look around the room my eyes catch on the empty visitor's chair on the right side of my bed, next to the machines monitoring me. The memory of my mum sitting next to my hospital bed, trying to cheer me up, sends a spike of grief into my chest. I can almost see her sitting there with a worried smile, the imagined picture causing my eyes to well up.

I quietly cry myself to sleep.

 **-o-**

 _I balance on the rail. It's slick and round, not the easiest to pull off, especially with the tired muscles in my upper body and legs. But this doesn't take strength, only balance, and I'm pretty good at catching myself when I do slip up. Which is a good thing, because the rail marks the edge of the boulders overlooking the park and to my right is a somewhat steep ten to twenty metre drop. Not deadly, I wouldn't say, but uncomfortable if I took a tumble down there._

 _Katherine walks alongside me to my left. She's a lot better at this parkour thing than me and doesn't have the need to improve in something that's easy to improve on after our session. So she strolls along as I wobble on the round metal tubes, my feet around her shoulder height._

 _We walk and talk, the sun almost ready to set with a fresh, cool wind whipping in from the sea. It's beautiful here, the controlled but wild looking nature of the seaside park, the mild weather, the sparse decorations and lanterns. We enjoy the view._

 _My friend is always up for activities outside, energy seemingly never ending with a positive attitude to match. Being around her is incredibly refreshing for a couch potato like me. Even sports are a bunch more fun when having her around. The intense satisfaction from using all of my body is awesome, but getting to that point requires a bunch of motivation for me. It's never hard to find when Katherine is around though. She's cool to hang around with, doesn't mind that I can't match her fitness._

 _We spend a lot of time together, during the week in our language classes or on the weekend for whatever activities seem fun at that moment. Like parkour in a seaside park. Or climbing the boulders in the forest by her host family's house. Or trekking to the stream that runs through the forest near_ my _host family's house._ _Now that the weather is warmer again, anyways._

 _When the snow was thick enough we went to a small slope an hours drive away twice a week and I showed her how to snowboard. Or we would just have an evening of board games and talking._

 _I slip, my right foot loosing grip and escaping. On reflex I mirror the move with my left so that even if I land awkwardly with the rail between my legs, I'm safe from a much more dangerous fall. Good thing I'm not a guy, otherwise such manoeuvers would end very painfully._

 _Sitting on the metal, I take a moment to just breathe and look around, drinking in the scene. I'm content. Next to me, Katherine is content as well. We both achieved what we came to this foreign country for, we're both having fun, learning a interesting language and embrace an entirely new and amazing culture. I'm happy and I think she is too. Good times._

 **-o-**

I wake up again, when the door to my hospital room is opened. Tired and exhausted I blink my eyes open, longing to rub the crust off them but unsure if it's worth moving for.

A nurse had entered the room. I've ... never been in the Konoha General Hospital before. The white uniform she's wearing seems weird to me but hey, _what do I know?_ It really just looks like a comfy white hoody and shinobi pants. The metal plate of a hitai-ate is sewn onto the chest above her heart, above it a name tag.

I can't read the name tag, the Kanji are unfamiliar to me. That's still annoying, but not a major impediment anymore. Just practise now.

The woman walks briskly over to the end of my bed, snatching up the clipboard hanging there and paging through it. Apparently she finds what she's looking for, humming while reading before she puts the board back into place and goes over to the IV stand.

Producing a fresh bag of whatever solution from ... somewhere, the nurse attaches it to the tube protruding from my arm and finally spares me a glance. She stops in her tracks for a moment, not quite freezing but visibly surprised. _Is she new on the staff? Why would a nurse be surprised when a patient is awake?_

My gaze is locked with hers. After a moment, I decide that I should probably say something, but before I can open my mouth the nurse has pulled herself out of her funk.

"Are you awake, then?" She steps closer and peers at my face intently, cataloguing my appearance for whatever that's worth.

I roll my eyes and want to retort something snarky only to find that I ... couldn't. Just like the rest of my body, my neck and jaw felt heavy and unwilling to move. Panicking, I tried to lift my head but it didn't want to budge. When my efforts became more desperate my attempts spread to other muscle groups and suddenly there was _pain_ in my shoulders. Squeezing my eyes shut but unable to groan, I forcibly relax myself.

"Hey now, no need to panic. You're at the hospital. You're safe."

Annoyed I crack an eye open to glare at the nurse. _No shit, Sherlock. You don't say._

The young woman shifts her weight to the other foot, uncertain of her next action. "I should ... inform the Sensei. Please remain calm while I go and fetch her." With that the nurse is gone from my field of vision and I can hear her open and close the door.

Letting out a long breath and close both my eyes again. This is not good. Aside from my injuries, of which I don't even know the extent yet, that woman will probably be pissed that I dragged so much attention onto myself and, by extension, her.

... _Will they have questions about my older injuries? I have scars and marks on me that will tell any doctor worth their salt that I get into trouble often, not to mention the teeth ..._

Apprehensive I fidget with the fingers of my right hand, playing with the clip on my pointer. Moving the wiggly appendages actually hurts, quite a bit even and that confuses me, because they're not broken or even limited in their range -I can touch my thumb to all of my fingertips- but there is a lancing pain that flares up when they curl.

Trying to concentrate on the pain, where it originates from exactly and _what_ is injured, is a very uncomfortable affair on account of _ouch! Ahhh! Shit-biscuits!_

After a while of self-inflicted torture, I can conclude that there are four points of origin. In the root of the thumb, the second digit of the pointer, under the nail bed on the middle finger and in the palm just over the wrist. And all of them were absolute _fuckers. Man, I should stop doing that!_

Just then the door opened again and a moment later I can hear an older female voice to my right.

"I thought you said the patient was awake?"

"She is! Or she was five minutes ago ..."

I open my eyes to look at the newcomer. She's a medic nin, wearing a white doctors coat over her uniform and has a hitai-ate strapped on her forehead. Her face is stony and professional, the hair tied back into a strict knot and she has at least three pens in the breast pocket of her coat. Typical doctor, then. Or stereotypical to be precise.

There's nothing I can say, because I can say nothing what with my jaw not working as supposed, but I stare intently at the medical professional. I really want to know what's wrong with me. Whether the doc can read minds or not, she notices my gaze and immediately starts addressing me.

"Hello then. How are you feeling?"

I stare at her, she stares back.

"Good enough that we can take the paralyzing components off?"

I stare some more, but now I imagine it might be a little balefully. So they are responsible for me bot being able to move? _Assholes._

"I'll take that as a yes, since you seem so calm. If you agree to remain calm, I will release the jutsu. Blink twice if you agree."

I blink twice.

"Very well." Her hand lands on my throat. I can feel the short chakra influx and then something light and subtle I hadn't noticed before now falls away and dissolves. My breathing hitches, my larynx jumps as I can move it manually again and I open and close my mouth experimentally a few times. "That's better, isn't it?"

Very slowly, I nod. The muscles in my neck are all in working order. That's good. Not being able to move my head had been unnerving.

The doctor's serious expression intensifies and I feel vaguely uncomfortable with that look directed at me. "Now, I want you to tell me _exactly_ what you did before losing consciousness. The eye witness described a physical chakra pulse, which the MP patrol that brought you in could also feel on their senses."

"Umm." I need a moment to process that. Yeah, Uzumaki was probably shocked by my fainting act, but what exactly did the MPs have to do with anything? "I was doing exercises for the jutsu theory class at the Academy in the yard. I was, uhh, channelling chakra through the ram seal and ... I don't know, it always feels like there's some pressure in my chakra coils when I do that, so I wanted to release that pressure and pushed the chakra out ..."

Uncertainly I trail off. Honesty doesn't come easy to me and I have to fight myself to not make any further comment to alter what I had stated. You should, in general, _not_ lie to the medical professionals taking care of you. Every information you give them is valuable for a correct diagnosis.

The young nurse looks both horrified and confused, forming a silent 'Why?' with her lips. Somehow, why-ever, absolutely without any real cause, the feeling that I have done something tremendously stupid overcomes me.

At least the doctor has a good poker face, so I settle on only looking at her. I don't like being made to feel stupid and not lying to someone like that nurse is harder than to a person that doesn't seem to have any personal thoughts or opinions like the doctor. Man, her stony visage is something to be admired. I wish I had that kind of countenance.

"If you can remember, what did you feel? Any immediate pain? A sudden rush to the head? Dizziness?"

"No, I ... it felt like I was snapping a twig in two, only inside my body. I blacked out right after but I don't remember any immediate pain."

The doctor nods. "What about now? Nausea? Dizziness? Any changes to the body or senses you can feel?"

That takes me off guard. _What is she asking?_ Then I take a moment to concentrate on all my senses in turn and then the general feel of my body outside of the persistent aches. "No, nothing like that. I feel tired and my limbs are heavy and everything sort of hurts, but no spinning or whatever."

Again the doctor nods and notes something down on ... the clipboard that just appeared in her lap. She flips a few sheets, reads and makes notes on them, before turning all of her attention to me.

"I'm sorry, but I have bad news for you."

 _Well if that doesn't sound ominous, then-_ "You have ruptured your chakra pathways in thirty-seven different places. The pain you feel in your limbs is most likely the uncontrolled leaking of chakra into the tissues surrounding each of those injuries. You can be very lucky that the chakra network closer to the Eight Gates is a lot more flexible, injuries in the coils close to internal organs would have, most likely, resulted in your death."

... _WHAT?!_ _But, but ... but that's not ... That can't be ... What ... What ..._ What can you do to make it better?" My voice is choked and rasping through my panicked breathing.

"There is nothing we can do, I'm afraid. To rupture pathways is a very uncommon injury and usually heals on it's own with enough rest. It is very unlikely that your pathways will heal however, because there is no way for us to relieve the injured areas since the whole network is affected."

That can't be ... That can't be true! _This can't be real!_

"No", I gasp, "No, no, no ..." I wheeze, air not reaching the lungs, forget to breathe in again. Fighting against the weight that presses down on my chest, fighting against the meaning of the doctor's words.

"No ... I ... I don't believe you! You're lying!" My accusation is desperate, but she must be. She _must be lying._

"I understand this is news that needs some time to sink in. We will talk again tomorrow." With that the woman in the lab coat rises and exits the room with purposeful strides, leaving behind the still gaping, horrified young nurse.

"Ex-Excuse me", the young medic squeaks and rushes out as well, leaving me alone with the dawning horror of what consequences my thoughtless experimenting brought upon me.

It takes a little time, time that I vehemently deny that I have irreparably damaged my chakra network. That in this world, where chakra is as much a necessity for living as blood and oxygen, I have crippled my most valuable resource.

No.

It can't be true.

 _It just_ can't _be true!_

 **-o-**

 _I scowl annoyed at the porcelain fish-platter my mum asked me to take outside to the table. Why is it so heavy? Sure, this is a whole, full-grown and deliciously smoked salmon on top of a thick, ornate platter of heavy china, but this kind of weight shouldn't be a problem. Irritably I shoulder open the door and step onto the patio where assorted family and friends are chatting animatedly and eagerly awaiting our somewhat trademark food._

 _When I try to set down the platter while folding at the hip to reach the middle of the table, my left arm gives out and rapidly descends onto the table-top. With a loud, clearly audible_ thunk _my knuckles hit the wood, but nothing disasterous happens. My arm though, it shouldn't be shaking like that. Limply, I pull it back from under the platter and it doesn't want to lift, too weak to properly function._

 _One of our friends attending the little get-together today is a doctor with a private practise, she's usually the first person we call in an emergency. I ask her what the hell is wrong with my arm and she suggests that maybe I should do some more physical therapy and properly finish it this time._

 _That's right, the incompetent doctors in the hospital had been more concerned with my belly than my arm. Stupid paediatric personnel not prepared to deal with patients transferred from the ICU. Therapy it is. It only takes about half a year to finish what should have been a week's work, but it does go back to normal._

 **-o-**

When the doctor comes back the next day, I am prepared. I am more than prepared. There is a way out of this. She just hasn't told me. There is a way to make this better.

 _In the end, everything is okay. If it's not okay, it's not the end._

This is not the end. I will not give up until everything's okay again.

 _How will I become a kunoichi otherwise?_

No. I refuse to acknowledge that there's nothing to be done. There's always something to be done. _Always._

"Good morning, Hikari-san."

I put on a polite smile. "Good morning, ... Sensei?" I need her to be open to me and my arguments, otherwise this won't work.

"Nagashima Ruma, nice to meet you." The doctor gives a curt nod instead of a bow or a handshake, which makes sense. I'm so far below her in status that I'm not deserving of a bow and handshakes are very unhygienic. I can deal with that.

"Nagashima-sensei. Yesterday you said that there isn't any treatment to heal ruptured chakra pathways bu-"

"There isn't", the woman interrupts, the knowing tilt to her eyes telling me that she knows I'm about to start arguing and doesn't approve. But I'm not going to give up. This isn't her life and future on the line, it's mine!

"But isn't there a _bypass_ operation that can be done?", I reason. That works with blood vessels, why shouldn't it work with chakra vessels?

"A what?", Nagashima-sensei questions, somewhat unamused at my suggestion.

"The kind of operation you can use when an artery is clogged or burst, where you transplant a healthy artery from somewhere else in the body to that place to give an alternative way for the blood around the not functioning artery."

The woman just stares at me. "The usual procedure for such a situation is to simply heal or unclog the blood vessel instead of conducting an unnecessary and stupidly complicated procedure." When I make to protest -although what I want to protest isn't apparent even to me- she lifts her hand to still me. "Even if such procedures were commonplace for defective arteries, they wouldn't work in your case. There are currently no healthy pathways available for transplantation, _especially not your own."_

But, but ... There has to be so-"

"There aren't any healthy pathways left in places you can spare them. The release damaged eighty percent of your chakra network and the minor damages need time before healing."

No. Why can't this work out?

Still, there _has_ to be another treatment.

"What about physical therapy?", I change tracks.

Nagashima-sensei shakes her head. "Not probable to help. Only rest and less stress put on the ruptured pathways is known to help at all."

"But you said that wouldn't help me!", I cry out.

"It won't. You spent five and a half weeks in a coma and still there have been no improvements on the ruptures."

"I've been _what?!"_

"You've spent five and a half weeks in a coma and during that time there was no recordable natural healing to your injured pathways. There is simply no way we can take the stress out of the ruptured areas and with chakra continuously leaking into the tissues surrounding the ruptures and damaging it there won't be any improvement."

"Can't you stop it from leaking then?!"

Again the doctor shakes her head. "No. The only possibility is to clog the pathways, but then your extremities would become under-supplied with chakra. There are just to many ruptures in too many places. I'm sorry."

Tears spill out of my eyes. _Why can't she just say that she'll find a way out? Aren't doctors supposed to help you? Why won't she help me?_

"Is there anything to be done?" My question is small and desperate.

"Yes." My heart soars and the sudden hope gives me back my breath, I- "We can take away the pain, by permanently sealing the injured pathways to stop the chakra leaks. It will leave you irreversibly crippled but you won't be in pain anymore."

I fall back into myself.

That...

That doesn't help ...

What the _fuck_ kind of solution is that?!

"No!", I vehemently refuse. _Why in all the worlds would I agree to have even the slimmest chance for recovery taken away from me?_

"No", I reiterate. That's not an option.

The doctor furrows her brow. "Eventually the leaking chakra will seriously damage other tissues in your body. If we don't do this procedure now, then you might be in pain for the rest of your life!" She sounds annoyed with me. I don't care.

"You said that you can't clog the pathways because then my limbs won't get enough chakra! Why would _permanently_ _sealing_ them make anything better?!"

"Because the pressure the stoppers put on the network closes the nearby smaller pathways up. If the larger pathways are permanently sealed, small amounts of chakra will still reach the extremities. You will be able to move them almost normally, they won't be as strong or flexible as before but they will be usable. If we don't seal them, then you destroy any chance of a painless recovery."

"It's no recovery if I can't be a kunoichi anymore!"

"There are plenty other jobs in Konoha. A young girl like you will be able to adapt to the disability and still lead a good life. You have to take this procedure."

"No", I disagree, my mind racing, "I don't _have to_ do anything. If you could do this without my permission, you would have already done it. But you haven't. That means if I don't agree to the treatment, you can't force it on me."

The medic nin looks like she has bitten into a lemon, but she nods. "We can't make decisions that affect your chakra network in this extent. But if you don't take this treatment you will regret it for the rest of your life. We aren't able to heal tissues damaged or destroyed by chakra poisoning, all we can do is prevent it from happening."

"I don't care! I don't want my pathways sealed!"

A deep sigh and the woman looks like she wants to slap me upside the head for my stupidity. But she only nods and gets up to leave the room. "Fine then. We need you to stay one more night to monitor your vital signs but tomorrow you can go home."

I glare balefully at her as she leaves the room. I will _never_ be able to go home. _What does she know?!_ When I'm alone again, I lay there and fume at the impotence of medical personnel in this world. How can they be so woefully unprepared for injuries to the chakra network, _the thing that is present in every living thing here?!_

They might be short-sighted enough to cut off an avenue of possible recuperation, but I'm not. I'll find a way around this.

I will.

 _Fuck those suckers, I'm not as stupid as them!_

 **-o-**

Moving is pain. Not moving is pain. _Breathing_ is pain.

I breathe heavily, hanging in the crutches I got at the hospital. The supports dig into my shoulders and set them on fire with bone-deep aching, but sitting would hurt just as much as this semi-upright position and getting up from a seat is downright impossible when I think about it.

There are thirty-seven distinct origins of the mind-bendingly intense pain, even while trying to ignore the whole issue, I can distinctly make out each single one of them.

Four in my right hand, five in the left. Another two in the right forearm and four in the left. Three in the right upper arm, two in the left, one of which is located almost at the shoulders. Another smack-dab next to a major tenketsu in the right shoulder. One at the base of my neck on the same side in a minor pathway.

Two in the right foot, one in the left. Two in the right calf and one next to the shin, four in the left calf. Two in either thigh. One of them, in the left side, is so far up that it lames the whole leg, leaving me to drag my foot along the ground when I move on my crutches.

And between all of them, the pain never fades.

I'm off medication for now. I have a recipe for more pain relievers but I don't have any money to buy them.

That woman isn't here. Didn't come to the hospital to pick me up.

I was fine with that at first. _I don't need her. I don't need help. This will become better even if those fuckers won't help me. I can do this on my own!_

I wanted to go to the memorial stone at first, but now, panting at the hospitals front entrance, weak and in unimaginable anguish, I don't know if I should.

Making the trip back to the flat and... I shudder and instantly pain flares up in my arms and neck ... and up those stairs, seems to be enough of a challenge.

I choose to head to the flat.

I go on.

I can do it.

The pain won't break me.

It sure give a lot of effort though.

 **-o-**

I have decided that I have too much chakra coursing through my body. With every heartbeat or ... actually more on a rhythm of it's own, my chakra coils flex and keep the chakra moving through my body. Pushing enormous amounts of unspecified energy into the muscles and tissues around my injuries. At least it feels like they're enormous amounts. And that won't do.

If I empty my reserves, the pain will _have to_ lessen.

So, lying on my back in as relaxed a position as I can on the much too small crib-bed, I do my best to concentrate.

I have done this many times before. I can do it now. I just have to concentrate.

The sliver of chakra is thicker and more twitchy than it has been since way back when I first started releasing chakra outside of my body.

It is under control though.

Slowly it inches out of my forehead. I draw the energy to feed it out of my core, direct it through the largest, uninjured, pathways along my spine into the back of my head. From there it splits off the pathways leading to the first gates and circles along the jaw under the left ear and rises up the temple to the brow.

Directing any body of chakra outside of my system takes a lot of concentration and, lacking that, loses a lot of the energy you feed it. Seems like a perfect win-win to me. I can distract myself from the pain my going into an almost meditative state _and_ I can get rid of my superfluous chakra levels.

At some point I slip into sleep.

Finally, after three days awake, I can get some rest.

 **-o-**

Once again I wake with a scream. In my sleep, I rolled over and off the low bedding and the searing pain woke me.

As soon as I am half aware, I still myself, clench my teeth, hold my breath. The tension wreaks havoc through my body and I give a suppressed moan.

Too late though, I can hear that woman shifting on her own bedding.

"You brat", she hisses, murder in her voice as she gets up, "Be. Quiet. When. I. Sleep." Her words are underlined with blind kicks in my direction. They are weak by her standards because she doesn't want to lose balance in the dark, but they send cascades of agony and shocks of primal fear through me.

It is the instinctual fear of dying, which is induced by the pain, that I have become intimately familiar with since coming back to the flat. That woman has been _very_ unamused by my state and over the fact that apparently the medics asked her about my older wounds. Obviously nothing has come of that line of investigation. Except that woman deciding that she was right in how she treated me and that I deserved to be beaten for how 'ungrateful' I am.

It's her new favourite adjective.

 _I hate it._

"I work the whole fucking day for your ungrateful ass, don't make me regret it!" She only swears at night, hissing threats to make me shut up. I know she has regretted my existence from the day she realised she was pregnant, so this one is somewhat ineffectual.

In contrast, the kicks are very sufficient in making _me_ regret that my subconscious hasn't learned to suffer silently yet.

Curling into a foetal position on my side against better knowledge, I can feel her shift to get back to bed.

That woman is fast asleep again in minutes, I spend the rest of the night shakenly breathing in and out. In and out.

In and out.

 **-o-**

I'm so tired. My injuries sting but are surprisingly bearable. The chakra exhaustion hinders me, but I am finally outside the flat again. I can move! Slowly, but it is a piece of independence I have reclaimed.

The stairs were murder but a hurdle overcome and the sense of achievement brings the tiniest grin to my face. No way left to go but up. I have found a way around the pain, I will find a way around the injury.

I should probably get started on the research I have planned right away, but I long to go to my favourite spot in all of Konoha. After the torture of the past weeks I miss the peace and quiet of the memorial stone with a deep aching need seated in my chest.

It's a waste of my precious time and energy, but I go anyway, indulging in my wants easily.

The streets are somewhat easy to travel, the gravel path to the training grounds is less so with my left toes dragging uncomfortably through the small, pointy stones, but I manage. It's the last leg through the underbrush around the clearing that trips me up the worst, but I make it through somehow.

When I regain my balance and lift my head to look forward again instead of the ground at my feet, I notice a figure I have dearly missed for such a long time but all but forgotten in the ordeal that was the last month.

Kakashi.

He stands there like he did every time I've met him in the past, with his back to me and staring at the memorial stone.

I can't help it, I stop in my tracks and stare for a while. He doesn't move or acknowledge my presence, simply remaining still, wearing his non-ANBU outfit that might as well be the uniform, the only piece with any kind of personality being his arm guards.

Not sure whether or not I am glad to see him alright or insecure about the fact that he has successfully avoided me for almost a year now, I start moving toward the stone again.

As soon as I get close, Kakashi turns. I can glimpse a slightly awkward, sheepish expression before the only visible part of his face contorts in surprised shock. His eyes widen almost comically, the silver eyebrow disappearing underneath the headband. I want to imagine he is gaping underneath the mask, but I can't keep up the raised position of my head and am forced to lower my gaze by the smarting injury at the base of my neck, so I settle on looking at Kakashi's chest, at the smooth surface of the off-white flack jacket.

"Hi, _isi._ "

It takes a moment for Kakashi to respond, but eventually he does. "What happened to you?!" The tone is a little forceful, like he wants to dig the answer straight out of my brain. Just hearing it tires me. I don't want to talk about it.

"You're supposed to say "Hello, Hikari-chan"", I inform him tiredly and turn toward the memorial stone.

"Did you have a training accident?"

Wow, he almost seems invested. I'd even believe that he is worried if it wasn't for the months I spent missing his presence. That he instantly jumps to the conclusion that I injured myself in training is understandable and it is technically correct, even if _normal_ eight-year-olds don't do the kind of training that could have this level of repercussions. Whatever.

"Yes", I sigh, "I shredded my chakra system."

Kakashi sucks an audible breath in. Yes, this is the kind of career-ending injury all ninja fear. I done good fucked up. He acknowledges the scope of the injury. Having him understand is almost comforting. I don't need pity though, I will push through.

When it takes him a while to respond, I look over at my biological father again to see him visibly uncomfortable and floundering for a response. That tense set to his shoulders is painfully known to me and foreshadows what I am certain will happen next.

The tall, silver-haired Jounin of Konohagakure no Sato, known and feared throughout the elemental nations as the Copy-Nin Kakashi, vanishes in a swirl of leaves because he is too afraid of social interaction that is even tangentially related to emotion and feelings.

I sigh. How predictable. How pathetic. I want to be mad at him, as I have been at almost anyone since being released from the hospital, but I can't. Not at him.

I really should stop raising my hopes.

No.

Hopes are important.

I am in a tight spot right now, in pain and crippled with no obvious way out, but I will have to accept my situation and work with what I have instead of be mad at all the obstacles or things that don't go my way.

A deep breath, then I slowly turn and hobble back into the village. I still have half a day to start with my research and want to hit the library for texts on the human chakra network.


	8. Getting Up

AN: Moi moi, dear readers. Peruna here. So, uh, yeah, this took a bit longer, because ... I had _no motivation whatsoever_ to actually write, which was a new and very annoying experience for me. I'm not sure what caused it and I hope this chapter didn't come out badly because of it, so please let me know whether it's actually as bad as it feels to me or not.

 _So_ , now that that's done ... WOW! Thank you, THANK YOU wonderful people of the internet for over THIRTY reviews on the last chapter! You people are awesome! I have to say, I was a little blown away :)

There's one thing several people commented on and that's the declared genre, which, okay, yeah, was not really accurate, so I changed it to drama. The reason for that is ... I don't really understand what the genre of angst is supposed to be. I only knew that word from the context of exostential angst and teenage angst, both of which are topics I'm not a huge fan of, so when the first people commented on how _angsty_ this story is, really put me down. That might have been a reason for me being unmotivated, since I _really_ tried not to ride that whole exitential angst point like Self Inserts sometimes gravitate to. So, uh, I found two different definitions for angst on the internet but am still a little confused as to what exactly it means. Maybe someone that commented on it could clear it up a little? That would definitely help me.

So, community service. That'll be a bit long again for obvious reasons.Thank you, again, to _anybody_ who left a review. For brevities sake I won't answer to every review, but I appreciate them _all._

To _yuune 1990_ : I didn't actuall cut off all possibilities for a remidy, just the immediately obvious ones.

To _EmmieSauce_ : I'm sad to see you go, but glad that you still chose to comment and not quietly dissapear into the night ;)

To _Completely Confunded_ : *snickering* Yes, Kakashi has problems. A lot of them. And you quite neatly summed a lot of them up, props for that :) Thanks for all the praise! I have a feeling you'll like what's yet to come.

To _LaloneBii_ : Wow, Tsunade wasn't actually a resource I was planning on while plotting this, good idea though! PS: An intriguing though experiment, but ultimately unfeasible, since Itachi doesn't actually see defecting as something good and won't force it on anyone he likes. PPS: Phew, I'm glad you see it that way. The violence is an important plot device for me and I never know if I'm not going overboard on it. I usually don't actually fully plan out the scenes of physical conflict, simply write them towards the consequence they need to have.

To _rosyhatake_ : I hope you didn't grt any flak from your boss ;) Sorry though, no natural energy for Hikary quite yet.

To _marow1_ : Well, no, this story isn't about quietly suffering, that'd be a bit boring wouldn't it?

To _AmericaNidiot_ : I don't know a lot about Autism and it's such a complex topic that I'm not confortable writing about it yet, so any parallels are purely coincidental. Sorry.

To _Dalilt_ : Nah, the MPs came running because their sensor registered an unusually large chakra cluster and feared the Academy was under attack. Hikari is a year older than Naruto, they both got enrolled early though (in my head canon the Academy only has four years). Also, Hikari didn't consciously run away, she just avoided going back for longer than usual. The new clothes were merely to stave off suspicion while there is attention on Keiko (the mother) and Hikari.

To _navatr1x_ : You're right, the whole disability thing is a balance patch in many cases, not this one though, it's too early to be patching. There's a reason I'm piling problems without resolving the previous ones, won't say why though ;)

To _yankey_ : I love your reviews, it always cracks me up to think someone reads this via Google Translate xD Thanks for understanding the reason for the flashbacks, at least _someone_ doesn't hate them. Also, yay, research! The thing we all love so much!

To _omnipotent Porunga_ : Your wish is my command, but not quite this chapter yet. All I can say is: There will be Gai. Eventually. (obviously)

To _GoTherka_ : No offense taken, but don't come whining if you missed any character motivation and foreshadowing :P And yes, Hikari done good fucked up. I felt she needed to take a little initiative in her own life xD (no that's not the real reason)

To _Anja.Nuehm_ : I don't think Hikari would become a taijutsu main because of her injured pathways. It's kind of counter-intuitive with the amount of physical pain she's in.

To _Puppet Dragon_ : Ahh, I could so get used to be called "dear" a little more often :3 It's actually kind of scary how easily you look through the top layer of the story to guess at the under currents. And, you know, I like to worry and frustrate my readers :P

To _21Rares_ : Yes. Yes, I know. This story was supposed to be a bit mean :D

 **I do not own Naruto.**

 **8**

Itachi finds me standing at the mouth of my favourite alleyway. Instead of calling me out on the unusual location or the fact that I probably cut a somewhat creepy figure in the midday shadows between the large buildings, he joins my side in watching the brown and grey rats scurrying between the dumpsters and trash cans.

The rodent population here has boomed in my absence. There are rats everywhere, running around in the open and unafraid, very different from how they behaved when I came by regularly and killed or captured every one of them that showed it's furry little face. They desperately need a culling, someone to cut back their numbers, or this alley will become ground zero for a pest outbreak of massive proportions.

I'm somewhat certain that the residents of the area had taken advantage of me doing free pest control and stopped issuing the usual D-ranks for killing a bunch of critters and now, when I didn't attend to it for a few months, it has gotten out of hand.

Sadly, I can't follow my desire for crushing tiny necks and capturing the itty bitty nuisances for some testing. My body moves lethargically with the bone-deep weariness of chakra exhaustion I cultivate nowadays, not to mention that I still haven't found a way to stop the chakra leaking from the ruptures and the resulting pain at all. I'm not fast or flexible enough to catch rats at this point and the little bastards _know it_ just as well with how they ignore my presence completely. They are thrown off for a moment by Itachi, but then carry on, treating him the same as me.

"Itachi-san", I drawl out, my eyes locked with those of an especially large rat regarding me mockingly. It's the king of the trash pile, the momentary pimp, he's the one that probably fathered the five litters of youngsters I can see running around. If I wasn't disabled, he'd have been dead the minute I got here. "Would you fetch me a rat?"

After a moment of silence, my eyes flick toward the boy next to me. He has turned a sombre expression on me. I ignore it and lock gazes with the ugly ball of ratty fur again.

"Please?", I add, but Itachi doesn't humour my request with a response.

Instead he states in a horribly flat, distinctly emotionless tone, "You spent a long time unconscious."

"Ah." Something squeezes in my chest and prickles in the corners of my eyes. He wants to talk of my injuries. I want to avoid the topic but it wouldn't be fair to my only friend here to ignore his unstated request for information. _Did he worry?_ "Yes. I did quite the number on myself."

Silence stretches.

The oversized critter breaks our staring contest and scurries off it's perch to dive into a dumpster.

"There was talk of an unusual injury to the chakra circulatory system."

I sigh. "Yes. I ruptured my network in thirty-seven different places. The medics say there's no cure ..."

The fact that Itachi reacts only with that resigned and a little sad set to his eyes when I look over tells me that he knew already, he just wanted to hear it from me. Of course. He's a genius after all, simple information gathering is nothing to him.

 _He worried enough to gather intel. He cares about my health. He's_ sad _to see_ me _injured._ A warm feeling spreads through me even as my chest constricts.

Before Itachi can open his mouth to say whatever it is he wants to say in response to that, I cut him off. "Shows what they know! I'll find a cure myself!" The scoff is delivered with a lot more confidence than I feel at that moment, but the amused quirk to Itachi's lips is definitively worth the posturing. I shoot a weak grin at him before I turn back to the masses of rats in the alley.

"I need to run a few tests and these nice little fellows volunteered themselves ever so helpfully."

"Naturally." He keeps a straight face but I can hear the laughter at my obvious fib in his voice.

"You wouldn't mind rounding them up for me, right?"

"Of course not. They volunteered after all."

"Neat."

I watch as Itachi practises his non-lethal take-downs for animals. He's quite proficient and manages to catch and knock out everything that moved in the alley not a moment ago within two minutes. Sharingan red eyes flash and his hand snaps forward to catch a last rat by the tail and a quick flick to the head sends it off to dreamland.

... There's a giant pile of living, breathing rats in the alley... _That's ridiculous! How can he catch that many in two minutes?!_

... _And what do I do with that many rats?_

When the boy turns toward me again, standing nonchalant next to the pile of dirty rodents he just _annihilated_ , I suppress a laugh. Instead of showing my amusement, I sniff and turn away with an exaggerated pout.

"No need to show off." I wave my hand at the pile and then wince at the lance of searing hot pain that moving my arm evokes. I carefully but very quickly lower it again to hang over the crutch limply. It still hurts. _Dammit!_

Itachi looks worried now and I curse my injuries silently, before trying for humour again. "You know, it's only missing a neat, red bow. Then it'd be the perfect present to woo a girl." I wink and the stick-in-the-mud Uchiha facade comes crumbling down as Itachi gives a playful smirk.

"I ought to get one quickly then. It certainly wouldn't do for the effort to be wasted."

The cheek! He can be such a little snit. _I love it!_ Even _if_ I had more friendly acquaintances than just him, Itachi would still be my favourite. Once he lets you peek behind that ever-present put-together mask of his, shit gets wild.

Case in point is the smirking boy heading toward the exit of the alley in a casual, almost swaggering stroll, purposefully imitating the 'cool' mien many Academy kids might put up to impress their peers. It's hilarious and I can't help my snickering.

Just before he gets into the view of passers-by, Itachi stops and gives a little bow at my weak but enthusiastic applause for his performance, then he slides back on his mask and seriously regards me.

"Are you hungry?"

It's a common question for him to ask me, right up there with 'Are you alright?' and 'Are you injured?'. The little genius didn't take long to figure out that I will always eat if the opportunity presents itself, so whenever he has the chance he brings some food with him when he seeks me out. I'd be annoyed about him mothering me as if I'm Sasuke, but to be honest, it's a nice feeling to be looked after and I tend to treasure it in the rare moments I can.

Also, it's _impossible_ to hide _anything_ if you have an _Uchiha Itachi_ riding your ass about one thing or another. _Impossible, I say!_

As if to underline that sentiment, my traitorous stomach chooses that moment to put in a token rumble and inform everyone listening of it's current empty state. There's no use denying it, so I answer with a simple "Yeah, I could eat."

"I will bring you something then before heading off to my assignment."

Something in my chest clenches at the thought of Itachi getting assigned to yet _another_ increasingly difficult and taxing mission. He's still an eleven-year-old preteen, this isn't the kind of stress such young children should be put under even if they are more mature than usual.

Before he leaves, I hold him back again.

"Can you get me a cage or some wire fencing for the rats? So that they won't get away as soon as they wake up."

Itachi simply nods and vanishes in a ... swirl of leaves. _He's learned the shunshin then_. _Does that mean he and Shisui are friends already?_ _How long until he gets put into ANBU? How long until the massacre?_

Worry claws into my thoughts and burrows deep within my brain. I try not to let it get the better of me though, there is nothing I can do to stop the events already set in motion.

Still, it gnaws at me as I hobble over to the pile of rodents. They will be a fine distraction from the fact that I won't see Itachi again for a while, a few days at best, several weeks at worst. He'll be busy.

But so will I.

Carefully I back against a wall close to the heap of unconscious fur balls and let myself slide down on it. The rough stone catches on my shirt and pulls it up, scraping my skin up a bit, but that's easy to dismiss. It doesn't even sting, really.

 _Huh, I guess my tolerance is a little higher than usual._ It is certainly higher than in the Before.

All those older memories swim closer to the surface in my mind than they have in years, brought up from the depths I had previously banished them to by the comatose dreams I had after waking up from unconsciousness. They are all the harder to ignore for it and even if I don't want them to, my thoughts get hung up on the past and happier times.

The Before is so very different from the Now. Again and again and again, I wonder what exactly the connection between the two worlds is.

Of course, there is the fact that the Before knew about the Now but not the other way around to be considered. Parallel universes maybe? And one mangaka that was able to sneak a peak into this one? I can't dismiss it, but the idea doesn't fit well with me. It's probably just my inability to grasp the scope of the universe ... or universes? Of reality in all it's possible variations?

I sigh and pull the closest rodent onto my lap by it's tail, letting the pain the movement induces ground me.

Big thoughts and concepts aren't my strength. I like to keep my view of the world grounded on simple concepts and contemplating infinite coexisting timelines in a giant mess of a multiverse shakes those base foundations I have set for my world view.

A much easier to accept idea is that the Now is far in the future of the Before and that Masashi Kishimoto was some kind of fortune teller that got the ideas for his manga from visions of the future.

Granted, that's easier to accept, but if it is true, then my soul or whatever had to have taken at least several thousand years to be reincarnated, which is ... saddening. It gives a tangible reason for _why_ everything I ever knew and loved is gone, gives me the chance of closure, but I have a hard time coming to terms with it. Even after eight years. _How pathetic._

Turning my attention to the insensate rodent in my lap, I consider my approach.

 _Just a simple scan to get back into the swing of things ..._

Two moments later, my left arm lights up in crippling, fiery pain. _Yes, that ... might ..._

"Aaaahh", I groan, abandoning my efforts and breathing heavily through the pain. _Not being able to channel chakra through my arms might be a problem._

Apparently I am also incapable of thinking before acting. _That might be a problem as well._ _One would think that after causing myself this much damage, I'd learn ..._

Pressing my eyes shut, scrunching up my face and curling my torso towards my legs, I sway back and forth trying to breathe through the pain.

Once I can think somewhat clearly again, I squint through one eye and see ugly brown fur. The top of my head is touching my knees, my nose is almost buried in the dirty street rat. _Disgusting. It smells absolutely disgusting._

I'm about to pull away, when a stray thought occurs to me. The last weeks I spent a lot of time channelling and releasing chakra through my forehead, my forehead that is currently very close to my intended test subject ... Even if my chakra control is shot to hell and back, this is better than trying to channel through the arms again. Even if it takes a lot of time and test subjects to get back into my research on chakra pathways, it is possible and I have more than enough volunteers for the task.

With a concentrated effort a thick band of chakra slithers from between my eyebrows and toward the rat. The tendril connects and the expected feedback is somewhat reassuring. It's not that different from before the injury, just slightly ... less stable.

It takes much more focused intent to push my chakra into the rodent than I'm used to and even before getting the feedback, I know that in my strain to direct the tendril, my hold on the nature of the chakra has wavered. The result are the severe chakra burns and tissue damages I can feel in the little fur ball. A good thing that it's still knocked out.

I continue to press forward, struggling to keep my chakra mellow and passive while trying to direct it as finely as I need to in order to get any usable results. But my advances can only be described as bumbling around like an elephant in a china shop. I can almost hear the crashing porcelain as my chakra tendril tears through a major artery.

It takes a while for the rat to regain consciousness. When it does, it struggles and screams but is already too weak to move efficiently. Shortly after, the heart stops and the fresh corpse lays still and motionless in my lap. I continue to practise on it though, since there is no reason to kill more volunteers than necessary in this gruesome and decidedly unproductive fashion. Only once the insides of the rat resemble minced meat and the fur has begun to smoke and stink, do I stop.

My body groans and creaks when I sit up again. The legs burn much more intensely than they did before and the neck is a little stiff from the bowed position I held my head in. However uncomfortable, I almost enjoy the ache in my back. Sure, it hurts, but it's a normal kind of hurt and not the burning I get from my injured pathways.

Exhausted I lay my head against the wall behind me and close my eyes, simply breathing and concentrating on nothing as I am wont to do lately in order to deal with the pain.

At some point Itachi returns and switches the corpse in my lap for something else, but I don't open my eyes quite yet to acknowledge him. Instead, I tiredly listen to him setting something or other up at the dead end of the alley. Once he stops and returns to stand in front of me, I do look up, however.

I can't read much emotion on his face. The stoic facade is up and running already, prepared for the moment he steps back into the life of a shinobi instead of helping his cripple friend. Resentment curls at the idea, but it's not directed at him, could never be, instead it's directed at my injury, at the incompetent medics, at Konoha for making someone so peaceful into a tool for violence.

"You should eat." Itachi indicates the bento he has placed in my lap. It's a large box with the label of a rather expensive shop on the lid. _What a waste of his money_. _For the same price he could have gotten ten bentos at a cheaper store._ But I would never voice that thought. Instead I agree and thank him for the food.

"I have also set up a few cages for your rats." He gestures toward the back of the alley, where, indeed, there are two large cages and a few smaller ones are set up with the rats already sorted into the two big ones. "Do you want me to place a genjutsu on them, so that they won't be discovered?"

 _That's ... a really good suggestion._

"Yeah, wouldn't do for anyone to come and just kill them." I pause, thoughtful. "Could you also extend it so that no one will come when they hear a commotion?"

Itachi regards me with a furrowed brow that is fairly disapproving, before he smooths out his features. He still doesn't like the idea that I experiment with live animals but the fact that he has willingly caught and caged test subjects for me goes to show that he'll help me find a cure even if the means are distasteful.

It makes me feel warm and fuzzy that he would put his morals aside to help me. Even long after the Uchiha has cast the jutsu and left with a brief farewell, I can't help the smile lifting the corners of my mouth. He's a real friend. The only one I have and the only one I need. I'll always treasure him, of that I'm certain.

 **-o-**

The greenery gives way to reveal the view onto a familiar clearing. I don't even know why I felt the need to come here, the trip is so exhausting and moving this much always irritates the injuries quite significantly.

There is no reason to come either. I can have my peace where-ever now, nobody feels the need to bother the crippled girl, and Itachi finds me no matter where in Konoha I am. Not that I've seen him in the last weeks ...

Maybe I still subconsciously hope to meet Kakashi here, wish for his form to stick out of the scenery, for the silent companionship we used to share before I asked him for the favour that overstepped the bounds of our tentative relationship. That was almost a full year ago now...

Of course I am the only one at the clearing though. Kakashi isn't here, nor is anybody else, only me.

I sigh. Even if I tried not to get my hopes up for seeing him again, it's still disappointing for them to go unfulfilled. Dragging my feet, both in the literal and in the figurative sense, I make my way towards the stone.

The weather is today is unsurprisingly very nice. It's a staple of Konoha, really, the beautiful weather. We mostly have sunny days of varying temperatures, depending on the season, with the optional fluffy white clouds dotting the bright blue skies. But also when there's rain, it's always of an intensity that makes you think the world is ending or it's combined with lightning to make a full-blown but beautiful thunder storm that shakes you to the core. Sometimes, I guess when a main character has a bad time, we might get some moody drizzle but it's a rather seldom occurrence. And during the one or two weeks that we _get_ snow in winter, it's always enough to make everything look fluffy and glittery.

I can't say I miss those overcast days, when the skies are just grey, not quite raining but blocking the sunshine for days at a time, but it is freaky to always have picturesque weather conditions. It's also freaky how _not_ tan people are. Konoha's population has a mostly normal complexion, except for the Uchiha and Hyuuga that are too refined for such menial things as colour and therefore perpetually white as sheets, when one would really expect them to be rocking a tan like some Australian surfer.

The sunshine is nice though, for when I come to the memorial stone. It livens up the place, gives it a serene but also bright aura. Morbidly, I wish that the sun shone -or shines or whatever- on my own gravestone half as much as it does on the memorial stone. Grieving people have a bad enough time already, no need to let shitty weather add to that ...

After a few minutes of awkward shuffling with my crutches, I reach the stone dais and notice something odd. Not having paid attention to it before, I see now that there is a flower on the dais as an offering, but also a small object on the ground just in front of the stone edge.

Interested, I tap it with the end of my crutch. The object falls over and rolls a little, revealing it to be some sort of white cylindrical shape with something written on it.

 _Should I pick it up or not?_

 _I should. If it was meant as an offering, I should put it upright again at least._

But bending down is a problem, so I elect to simply sit down. Which isn't all that simple really. It'd be much easier with a convenient wall to slide down against, but somehow I manage regardless, even if I have to take a minute to calm my aches and pains afterwards. One minute ... or maybe ten, who knows? I'm most certainly not counting, concentrating on my breathing and shutting out the feedback my body gives me. I've, unsurprisingly, become better at that, managing to ignore the pain as long as I don't move.

 _Right, uhh, yeah, the thingamajig. What is it?_

Opening my eyes and giving a quick glance around, I pick up the cylinder. It's off-white and made up of some kind of plastic, has a lid and ... _yeah, there it is,_ a label. Squinting at the vaguely familiar Kanji I try to understand what it says.

I shake the thing and it rattles. Surprised I pop the lid open and stare at the pristinely white pills inside.

 _Medication?_

 _That's right! The Kanji stand for those pain relievers that were recommended to me. Must be some kind of universal medication, why else would ..._

 _Why would someone leave a full bottle of the_ exact _same medication I was recommended, here, where mostly only me and probably Kakashi visit?_

 _... No, he didn't ..._

I take a longer look around the clearing, but I can't spot anything out of the ordinary.

 _Or did he?_

A long moment I simply sit and ponder whether or not this was a gift from Kakashi. There was no way to say for certain, which annoys me a slight bit, but in the end I just decided the bottle of pills was meant for me and slip it into my pants pocket. I'll take one when I _really_ need it, but decide to save them for the worst of pains.

"Thank you, _isi_ ", I call out hoarsely. The training ground is empty as far as I can tell, but it feels only right to voice my thanks even if the recipient isn't around to hear it.

My throat feels a little tight at the hope that maybe, _maybe,_ there is still a chance to salvage my relationship with Kakashi. _If he left me a gift, that has to mean he is still interested in me, right? Maybe it's not hopeless yet ..._

Conversely to what I would have expected, my chest tightens painfully at the glimmer of hope. The same moment I raise it, the same moment the doubts and the fear to be disappointed rears its head. But instead of dwelling on that reaction, I look up at the names edged into the polished black stone in front of me, let my thoughts drift to a less emotionally charged topic.

This memorial is dedicated to all those that gave their life in the line of duty. Every name carved into the glinting black surface is one of a shinobi that died during their service to the village. But more than just a reminder of past heroes, this is a resting place for those whose bodies were never recovered, that never got a proper grave.

Sometimes, when I come here and spend a few moments just taking in the sight of the memorial, I feel it's spirited, not just because of the impossibly bright way it reflects the sunlight that almost seems enthusiastic -if one were to anthropomorphise a piece of stonework- but also because it's not hard to imagine the ghosts of the dead in the breeze that almost perpetually rustles through the trees around the clearing.

Unbidden, memories of my loved ones, long gone and dearly missed, resurface yet again and the image of stone in front of me blurs with tears welling up. I have no place to grieve for them, the memorial stone is the closest I can get with its ethereal ambiance.

It's painfully inadequate for me to mourn here. I have no picture I can put up, nothing to connect this place to the Before, to the ones I miss so much in this moment, so I start singing in a language that no-one seems to know in the Now. My voice wobbles and cracks, but the simple melody is very forgiving.

" _Amazing grace, how sweet the sound..._ "

I've never been very religious, but _Amazing Grace_ was one of those songs that I loved just because of how much hope it conveys. It's something I wish they all experienced, my family, my friends, that's why I put my all into singing even if I can't feel much hope or thankfulness for my new life right now. I don't sing for myself but for them. Mum and dad always liked it when I did. I miss them so, _so_ terribly.

"... _I shall possess, within the veil, a life of joy and peace._ "

With the back of my hand I rub the tears out of my eyes and sniffle a few times, before I manage to get a hold of myself. _No more crying for now, that was enough._ I don't know if I feel better now or worse, but either way, I should get going again. There is work waiting and research to be done.

Very slowly and painfully, I start getting back up to my feet. It's an arduous task but also one that I accomplish every day, so I grind my teeth and simply do, without thinking about it too much.

 **-o-**

The round, white pill lies inconspicuously on my palm, innocently, acting like it's not a big deal. To me it is, though.

In the Before I was used to pharmaceutical products relieving all those everyday aches and inconveniences one faces, because why suffer a headache when the solution is a simple pill? Why suffer sleepless nights due to a cold if there was such a thing as cough syrup and nasal spray? Yes, I shamelessly indulged in all the luxuries living in an industrialized nation grants you.

In the Now, however, I never have the option to cop out of my suffering. The only relieve to pain I have is distraction or sleep. And now a plastic bottle full of little white innocuous pills. _Very tempting_ little white innocuous pills.

 _Will they ... Will they actually take the pain away? Fully or only partially? How long will one last?_

The prospect of even just lessening the agony that going up and down stairs induces is enticing. Especially when the day promises to contain a lot of those.

 _Why shouldn't I use them? They were made to be taken, not stared at._

I can't even come up with a good reason to deny myself the medication, except for the almost primal urge to save up and hoard them for bad times. But, really, if this isn't bad times, I don't want to know what is. So I pop the thing into my mouth and swallow it dry, before shuffling towards the door of the apartment.

That woman grumbles and shoves me out when I take too long, but it's not actually all that violent so I have no reason to complain. A good reason to moan though would be the stairs looming before me.

 _Fucking stairs. Always hanging around, being in my way..._

If I were melodramatic, I might say that stairs are the bane of my existence. It's a good thing I'm not, because you know you're pathetic if your arch nemesis is a building feature.

However that may be, it's easy to deduce that today will be a difficult day just by the number of flights I am expected to climb and descend. And since today is the day, I decided I'd go back to the Academy on, there will be more than enough of those unholy fixtures. But there's nothing to be done about that. I have been absent from classes for too long already and if I want to continue on the path towards becoming a kunoichi, I have to get back on track.

The end-of-the-year exams are in less than a month and it has been more than three that I've missed, so catching up will be an obstacle, but hopefully not an insurmountable one.

When I finally hobble through the classroom door after way too many freaking stairs, it's to a somewhat unnatural silence. I can feel everyone staring at me, but I ignore them, focusing on the wooden boards in front of me as I place my crutches with arms shaking from exhaustion. The pain meds helped a lot but it still hurts so much that I don't even want to begin imagining how bad it would be without them.

However, I can't ignore it when Kosaku-sensei calls my name, so I lift my head and gaze at him hazily when he does.

Sensei looks bewildered and even concerned as he looks at me.

"What are you doing here, Hikari-chan?", he questions and I can only stare at him for a moment.

"Attending class." My voice wavers and is annoyingly breathless.

"Aren't you on medical leave?"

"I don't know. The medic didn't say anything like that."

Sensei takes me in sceptically and with a start I realize that I must look horrible, sweaty and out of breath, no doubt pale and weak as well. His next sentence about confirms that assessment.

"You should go home, Hikari-chan, you look like you still need some rest."

I shake my head. It's not like I'd be at home anyway and resting won't help my injuries so there's no use. What I _need_ is to continue my education.

"The exams are soon and I need to catch up."

"I really think you should-"

"Please, Sensei", I interrupt him and look up at his frowning face pleadingly, "I want to be ready for the exams."

"In your state, you can't possibly hope to pass the exams this year, Hikari-chan. I have received a message from the hospital stating that you have sustained a career-ending injury."

I flinch back, almost toppling over when my legs spasm painfully in response. Kosaku-sensei regards me with a flat gaze, almost as if he was saying 'See? That's what I mean'.

"You should go home, Hikari-chan."

"But ..." I fumble a moment for a reason to stay, then it hits me. "This years exam don't have a physical component, as long as I can write the test, my injury won't hinder me." Stubbornly, I push my jaw out in a frown.

Sensei sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "Fine, take your seat then."

Relieved, I answer with a snappy 'Hai, Sensei!' and make my way up the rows to my usual, isolated place in the far corner of the classroom. Whispered conversations spring up around me but I have to fully concentrate on moving and can't listen to what my classmates are saying.

When I reach my seat and slump into it, dropping a fresh notebook onto the table and panting quietly, Kosaku-sensei calls the class to order and starts the roll call, effectively ending any conversations.

During the following homeroom period he comes to my desk and gives me a list of topics I've missed and reading recommendations to catch up with, which is an unexpectedly helpful gesture of him. I never accused Kosaku-sensei of being a bad teacher, but subconsciously that has been exactly what I labelled him as, since he never paid much attention to me. But, if I'm honest, if I had to teach a class of twenty-one young children, I wouldn't be able to pay much attention to every single one of them either, especially if it was the quiet one.

Now, though, he gives me a textbook to work through while he leads my classmates outside for the period of fitness training, allowing me to stay inside and study since I'm not in a state to participate. I'm very grateful for that, more than I really want to admit, because it means that I don't have to take the stairs more than twice a day, staying in the classroom for the whole day instead of running up and down the building and training grounds with my year mates.

After the language class, I can leave since neither bukijutsu nor taijutsu are exercises I can currently take part in, so I pack up my notebook, pencil and the textbook into the bag I've brought and make my way down the stairs again.

Going down takes about twice as much time as going up does, which is a feat in and of itself since it takes me forever to ascend a flight of stairs, but the balancing act, that going down even one measly step takes, isn't to be rushed lest I fall and hurt myself even more. In the end, I spend a whole period just on getting back on ground level and am soon surrounded by students of the lower year that rush to get out of the Academy as soon as their class is let out.

The rowdy crowd of children makes me uneasy. Not because they're taller than me -with my ongoing growth spurts I can now match the height of most kids physically a year older- but because they are careless and exuberant and excited. Inconsiderate to someone that is not all these things.

Before long, just as I exit the building, my apprehension is justified when one of the little shits bowls be over, crashing into my back and sending me flying. With a surprised cry, I land face-down on the path leading up to the Academy, my crutches scattered to the side.

For a moment I simply lie there, too stunned to actually react to what just happened, but then, at once, a wave of pain takes over all my senses, blocking everything around me as I writhe in silent agony. Gasping for breath, I cough when I breath in road dust. I roll over onto my back, intensifying the searing hot pain in my arm for a moment but it's not even enough to fully register over the pure over overload of _fuck that hurts!_

I black out for what might be a few seconds or several minutes, without actually losing consciousness but simply being unable to do or register anything at all.

When the black recedes from my sight and my hearing slowly loses its muffled quality, it's to the frantic apologies of one very distraught child.

"-sorry. I'm so sorry. Please be okay. Please be okay-"

I blink a few times. Everything hurts. More than usual, but really, what else is new. I just. Have to. Get. Over. It.

I groan and try to sit up, succeeding only by the quality of my uninjured abs. Blearily and not quite focused on the outside world yet, I look around, noting the wide area that the watching kids leave around me. My crutches and bag are out of my reach, which is inconvenient and annoying as I have no desire to crawl around in front of all these voyeurs to my pained situation. _What are they looking at, anyway?_

"It's that demon kid -"

"Do you think it killed her?"

"I'm sorry, please don't be dead!"

That last voice is so very much louder than the whispering of the onlookers, painfully loud and not very helpful. It originates from the only other child within the wide berth the spectators give me. Give us. Blond hair that stands up in spikes, goggles, a simple shirt and shorts combo, whisker marks on his cheeks. Uzumaki. What a coincidence. I scowl and he flinches back from me, which is ridiculous.

"I'm not dead", I grumble, not voicing the _but I wish I was._

"I'm sorry!", Naruto reiterates and he better be, because this is humiliating as all hell. I scowl a little more.

"Gimme my crutches and help me up", I command and don't even feel the slightest bit bad, when he scrambles to do just that, clearly afraid that I'd do something mean to him if he didn't. I have no idea what he thinks I could do from my position, but _hey, that's not my problem._

I have to suppress a cry of pain, when the kid bodily hauls me to my feet at almost throws the crutches at me. _Who knew how strong this little shrimp was?_ But then again, it's to be expected from an Uzumaki, I guess, they were said to have loads of energy.

My watering eyes land on the blond tyke standing nervously in front of me and once again I register the crowd around us, whispering not quite quietly enough for us to overhear. With each whisper Uzumaki seems to become more and more nervous, shifting his weight from foot to foot, looking ready to run away and I can't help but _do_ feel a little bad for him.

"Since you ran me over," Uzumaki shrinks into himself, but I try to ignore it, "You have to carry my bag."

He looks up, surprised, but I am already turning, biting on the inside of my cheek and pushing through the pain in order to move forwards. The spectators break rank to let me through and I can hear Uzumaki scrambling after me, but I'm preoccupied so I don't give it much thought.

Only after we are several streets away and passing a small park, do I stop and look around to see Uzumaki a few steps behind me, uncertainly looking at me and holding my bag. With a grimace, I separate my right hand from my crutch and make a demand for him to give it back.

Uzumaki looks uncomprehending, so I growl at him to "Give me back my bag. Now." but he is still unsure.

"Why? You said I have to carry it, because I made you fall."

"That was just to get away from the crowd, now gimme!"

He slowly hands me the bag and watches my expression carefully as it tightens with pain thanks to the extra weight pulling on my arm.

"Are- Are you okay?"

The tentative question isn't meant as an insult or anything the like, but it rubs me the wrong way nonetheless. It's so obvious that I'm not alright that a blind man could see it, but that's nothing I want to actually talk about with some random kid.

"No, I'm not", I snap at the boy, "You can leave now."

"I'm sorry", he mumbles, hunching his shoulders up to his ears and looking miserable.

"Yes, well, look where you're going the next time!"

"Not- Not just about that, but about- about ... about ..." He sniffs and I can almost feel a tick developing on my temple.

"About what? Talk in full sentences!"

"About making you explode!"

There is a moment of silence where Uzumaki avoids my gaze, lip wobbling and sniffling like he's about to cry, and I just stare at him blankly.

"What?"

The blond boy in front of me shrinks into himself and shuffles with his face turned down to look at his own two feet. "Ev'ryb'dy always says Imma demon", he mumbles and is definitely crying now, "And- and maybe I am, because ... 'cause I made you explode.

"I didn't want to!", he cries and looks up at me pleadingly, "I didn't! I just wanted to know your name! I just-", he sniffs, "I just wanted you to listen to me and- and- and- and then you _exploded!_ "

If Uzumaki had actually somehow did anything like that, I'd be surprised. Maybe then I would know what to do. But right now, I can just continue to stare at him, trying to figure out what he's on about. "You made me explode?", I ask flatly. _Did he just have a very vivid dream, maybe?_

"Yeah" It's hard to understand the kid when he's mumbling into his collar like that, but it almost sounds like "that's what the policemen said", which is ridiculous. First of all, I obviously didn't explode, since I'm still ... whole ...

 _Come to think of it, that rather uncontrolled release of chakra must have had some effect on my surroundings and Uzumaki was there to see me burst and then faint into a coma. And the mednin_ did _say something about the Uchiha MPs_. _Why would they tell Uzumaki that it was his fault, though?_

 _No matter, first and foremost ..._ "You didn't make me explode."

The boy looks up at me with a tear-stained and snotty face, sniffling.

"I did that all by myself, nothing to do with you."

"But ... but ..."

"No", I cut him off, annoyed that he'd think that he was responsible for something stupid _I_ had done. I did this through my own stupidity and I don't need a scapegoat to blame for the consequences of my actions.

"Just ... no."

And with that I turn and hobble away, ignoring the fact that the kid I leave behind is still crying. That's not my problem. Ignoring the fact that he had handed me an easy out, an easy target for my resentment at my situation.

It isn't right and it isn't productive to heap my mistakes onto someone else. I need to own up to them or else I won't learn from them. That's what I decided before and that's what I will hold myself to.

Annoyed that I'm already feeling faint from the pain but unwilling to take another pill, I decide for the second best option to deal with it and head to a certain alley, conveniently placed under a notice-me-not genjutsu.

There is research to be done.


	9. With Books and Rats

AN: Moi moi, dear readers. Peruna here. So, here's the new chapter. I had planned to finish it last weekend but it's so distracting when all my favourite stories are updated on weekends as well So you get this chapter now, as soon as it is finished. Print-fresh so to say. If any of you wonder, the song that's somewhat prominently featured in this chapter is _Vos sur ton chemin_ from the movie _Les Choristes._

Onto community service! Thank you guys for over 10000 views! You are so awesome! Thank you also for the wonderful response to the last chapter, I enjoyed reading your comments immensely.

To **_TheOne320_** : Thank you for the sentiment, but sending me a link to the _wikipedia article_ on writer's block was kind of insulting. Very uninspired, that, if I may be so frank.

To **_AmericaNidiot_** : I'm glad you're not disappointed and hope you'll continue to like how I portray Kakashi. I do enjoy writing his scenes a lot, myself :)

To _Guest_ : Oh, don't worry, you'll get appropriately amazed canon characters at some point in the furute. Lizard Brain as a title has two reasons, but we aren't quite at those plot points yet, so I won't say nothing.

To **_21Rares_** : Hmm, that makes sense, thank you for clarifying. And don't worry, it was more out of my personal negative conotations with the word that I reacted the way I did. I'm over it now ;)

To **_swordworks_** : Yeah, I see how that's a bit of a cheap drama. I'll try to do better.

To **_yankey_** : Salutationy, my favourite Spanish (speaking) reviewer! Yeah, the countdown to the massacre has started, Hikari's getting antsy about it as well. I like putting songs or lyrics into my stories, but I'm not always sure if I do it right, so I'm happy you liked in the last chapter. "Moi moi" is just a casual greeting, like Salut or Ciao, it's something people from Helsinki use and I liked the sound of it.

To **_DawnofShadows256_** : Orochimaru's apprentice? I don't think Orochimaru would be interested in Hikari as a pupil. As a test subject, maybe ... later on, cause he's a giant creep.

To **_leah-kow_** : Thanks for the enthusiastic review! Do you think my summary is misleading or something? It's kinda vague ...

To **_Episoph_** : Thanks for trying to clear it up. I'm familiar with the German word "Angst" but I don't think that has much to do with the English term "angst" anymore. Loan words are weird like that. "Kindergarten" as well. An American "kindergarten" is the equivalant to the German "Vorschule", while "pre-school" is actually a "Kindergarten" in Germany. Fun, right?

To **_TheVulcanNara_** : What a spirited review! So youthful! None of these theories would even be correct in my head canon, but it was fun ruminate over them anyway. Please don't expect me to adhere to popular fanon when describing chakra and coils and whatnot. I'm having too much fun doing my own world building ;)

 **I do not own Naruto.**

 **9**

Humming under my breath, I turn the page of the medical atlas sitting on the desk in front of me. The human body. It's not a new topic for me. I can vividly remember buying a very expensive atlas in the Before, hunching over it for hours and hours at a time, studying for that _one_ multiple choice exam and then thoroughly failing said exam. Now, I have spent a lot more time on the topic of anatomy than even then, spending the last months researching in the library or running my own experiments in an inconspicuous alleyway. The key difference here is motivation. The pain of my injuries a constant reminder of what consequences failure entails and I won't try _anything_ before being absolutely certain that I know what I'm doing.

This is the third atlas I'm working through and, as interesting as it may be, it doesn't offer much new information compared to the other two. It's quite frustrating, how very detailed all the facts and diagrams on the circulatory and lymphatic systems are while the chakra circulatory system is only shown in its rough sketches.

There hasn't been _one_ illustration that showed any pathways smaller than the peripheral networks in the hands and I just can't understand _why that is!_ If I hadn't seen the Hyuuga name on every single one of the publications I've read on the topic, I would imagine that their clan is wilfully holding back information ... or maybe they still are, but it doesn't _make sense_. _Why publish a map of all the major pathways and tenketsu, but not a diagram on the capillary vessels?!_

And I know that there are smaller pathways than the ones in the hands -which, interestingly enough, are the reason why different hand seals have varying effects on the chakra flow inside the body. I've felt them before. I can _still_ fell for them if I'm careful enough. They're the paths that connect the larger vessels to the muscle groups and tissues that need to be supplied with chakra on a regular basis. _Why is there nothing on them in all these books? Or all the medical research papers or note scrolls?_

I was surprised that I, as a mere Academy student even have access to all this information, but, weirdly, medical information and research results on "menial" topics are open to the public. Not that many people pursue the field in the public library since it's a rather heavy read all around, but it still _is available_ to just _any_ Konoha citizen interested in the topic.

Jutsu are a whole different story though. Even the Academy Three supplementary jutsu are restricted from the civilian's eye and only available at the smaller Academy library, together with other low-ranked supplementary jutsu. I know that because the Academy library was the first place I looked into for my research effort. It, somewhat unsurprisingly, only holds textbooks and jutsu scrolls on topics Academy students might need, which doesn't include comprehensive medical journals. Those are stored in the public library, because _why not?_ Konoha's authorities really have a skewed perception on what information is valuable or dangerous and what isn't, but since that fact has worked in my favour so far, I won't call them out on it.

After having scanned the content of the page, I turn to the next yet again.

It's interesting to compare the level of knowledge stored in these tomes to what I remember from the Before. Anatomically speaking, ninja are apparently very advanced in their studies, which isn't too surprising considering that the Byakugan can see through anything and everything. But there hasn't been much on histological make-up or biochemical processes so far.

Maybe those are considered more dangerous topics though, so that might be a reason I haven't encountered those yet. Considering just how much damage one could wreath by disrupting the careful balance and quite fragile processes in something as complex as a human body ... Yes, I would understand if that kind of knowledge was deemed too dangerous for this clearance level. I can think of three proteins alone, from the top of my head, that would be debilitating if messed with and I'm sure I could come up with more if I gave it some serious thought.

With a shudder I turn my full attention back to the book and pick up my humming again, trying to push back imaginations of bodies disfigured by wide-spread blistering and lacerations festering with infection, welcoming sepsis. I can't quite suppress another shudder and start singing under my breath.

" _Vos sur ton chemin"_

That would be ... effective, but a horrifying way to die ...

" _Gamins oubliés égarés"_

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see someone take the seat opposite me.

" _Donne leur la main, pour le menes_ ..."

Glad for the more effective distraction, I look up to see a semi-familiar boy regarding me through lazy eyes. Just as my voice trails off uncertainly, I recognise him as the Nara kid from my class.

Benjiro, that's his name. He stayed in our class due to his low scores on the last exams in contrast to the other two kids that got bumped down with him, who took the opportunity to get back to the other class with all the clan kids. I knew that he regularly skips classes or school days altogether, but seeing him outside of the Academy comes as a surprise nonetheless.

Hooded eyes veil the sharp and unnervingly _interested_ gaze he regards me with. On the outside he looks to be slouching and half asleep but underneath the farce he seems assessing and I don't like it one bit.

Carefully, I close the atlas and lean back into my chair, trying not to wince at the twinges of pain and stiffness in my arms when I cross them in front of my chest. Then I take my time to silently and quite unsubtly size him up as well, running my eyes over his appearance.

Nara Benjiro is about my size, two years older than me and wears a minimalistic outfit of shinobi pants and a dark green shirt with the Nara crest displayed on the sleeves. His spiky hair is cropped short to the head instead of the ponytail I remember it being in last year and I wonder if he just couldn't be bothered to expend the effort of tying his hair back anymore. Everything about him paints him as too boring to approach, an impression that is enforced by his lax posture.

The silent disregard his appearance exudes could almost be interpreted as "cool" and the thought of a lazy Nara being surrounded by a horde of hyper fangirls has me snickering, which in turn catches his attention. After another moment of silence between us, I decide to take the first step into the conversation.

"If you keep acting like an Uchiha you'll have your own fanclub", I comment and for the briefest moment his eyes widen and his expression morphs into horror. Again, I snicker. The Nara boy scowls and slumps further into his chair, effectively ruining the image.

"You're no fun." I decide to which he rolls his eyes.

Another silence stretches, in which dark eyes survey my reading material and the notebook and pencil discarded to my right. Again, I break the quiet.

"Why are you here?"

"Hiding from Sensei. He won't look in the library." His gaze trails over the high book cases all around us, this niche being tucked away into the furthest corner of the ground floor of Konoha's Public Library. Konoha also had a large civilian library, which predominantly houses prose and poetry and other artsy topics that are completely disregarded in the public library. "Not yet, anyway", he concedes.

"Makes sense, although one might think a library is an obvious place for a Nara to be."

At his questioning look, I indicate the large but silent room around us with a tilt of my chin. "Aren't you known for relishing in peace and quiet?"

He nods, even though the question was rhetorical in nature, and gives both me and the shelves around us a considering look. "I can see that ..."

I shrug, ignoring the pain as usual, and move to pick up the atlas again. The Nara follows my movement with his gaze and sends me a raised eyebrow for my choice of literature. I roll my eyes.

"What? Too heavy for you?"

For the fracture of a moment, he scowls again, but then smoothes his features and shrugs. "I don't plan on becoming a medic nin."

"Me neither", I scowl and it's true. Wanting to heal myself and wanting to heal others are two very different things. To be honest, I think it would be a waste being able to do amazing magic stunts and then just deciding not to go into that direction. Who _wouldn't_ want to know how to _breathe fire_?

All I get is a raised eyebrow and a condescending expression that basically screams _'Oh, really?'_.

 _What a prick._

"Knowing the body's anatomy means that it'll be easier to kill or incapacitate an enemy", I inform my classmate, trying for a dry tone but probably doing a bad job of it. It probably comes out more defensive than dry and detached. If I wasn't hiding my annoyingly still missing front teeth, I'd be sneering at the smug look that crosses the Nara's face.

"That should be right up your alley, actually", I snipe and revel in his somewhat confused expression, "Knowing how to put in minimal effort while still getting the wanted result. Too bad, you're too lazy to put in a little work to save a lot of trouble."

Just because I can, I stick out my tongue at him. I didn't expect him to actually take my words at face value, but I can almost hear the cogs in his head working overtime as he sizes up the text books in front of me and weighs effort needed and possible results. When he actually goes to grab one of them, I can't help my startled expression.

"You're joking, right?"

Dark brown eyes meet mine as he throws a smirk at me. "Can't be that hard, if you can understand it." At that moment I can't put my finger onto whether he actually believes the general consensus on me being stupid or not, but I don't like it either way. There's nothing I can do about his presence though, no matter that I don't want him here, so I just scowl and grumble and go back to my reading.

And if I smirk triumphantly and more than a little condescendingly myself when after half an hour he gets up to find a beginner's guide, nobody has any right to complain.

 **-o-**

The rat squeals weakly but doesn't make a single move to run away. That's an improvement considering that, just a few months before, I all but puréed the insides of my test subjects with my abysmal chakra control. Now it's fine and accurate enough to once again forcibly calm the rats I'm experimenting on. Given that it took me more than a week after finally being able to access their cerebral chakra vessels until I could replicate the chakra makeup I needed to disable the fight-or-flight response, I'm very satisfied with being back at a level where my research won't be greatly impeded by poor chakra control.

What is my main concern now is to actually observe the rats healing their chakra pathways when they're injured. If I can see how they cope under a normal, relatively low-stress environment, I might be able to discern the exact process on how broken pathways knit themselves back together. Even if the results turn out to be inapplicable to humans, it would give me a starting point in my research instead of the blind fumbling I'm going through right now.

Again, the rat simply squeals in pain without formulating a proper response to having its chakra vessels popped like balloons. Or bubble wrap. It's a kind of fun exercise, but I restrain myself from causing more than three ruptures in the animal's chakra circulatory system. It still has to survive and be in good enough condition to heal the wounds for me to get any usable results from this gracious volunteer.

For a while, I observe the rodent's frantic chakra swirling in chaotic disarray through the drastically impeded network of pathways. Then, after maybe half an hour, the fluttery heart beat slows and some semblance of order settles in the chakra system. It's fascinating to see how the chakra is pulled out of the damaged pathways and redirected through the adjacent vessels, while the tissues around two of the ruptures starts swelling and closing the injured coils that way.

 _Huh, that's new and unexpected. The tissue around my ruptures isn't swollen, just damaged by chakra poisoning. ... Maybe that's because the initial injury was so long ago? Like the swelling is some sort of stop gap measure_ ...

 _Further research pending. If there's such a trend in my test subjects, I'll be sure to note it._

After the chakra flow has settled in its new arrangement and the chance of chakra poisoning is minimized, nothing of note happens and I decide to move onto another subject for now. So I dump the rat into one of the smaller cages, apart from its remaining brethren in the two larger cages. It's not that I wouldn't be able to pick out this one from the masses again tomorrow, but I've made the unsettling discovery that the rats I injure and put back are soon attacked and eaten by their own kind. Which is why I keep them separate and thank the heavens for Itachi being such a smart cookie while arranging this setup for me.

With nothing else to do, really, I heft myself back up to my feet and arrange the crutches to fit more comfortably into my armpits. A last look over the cages tells me that they are all secured and that the rats still have some of the trash I dumped into their enclosures to eat through. Then I leave the alley, hobbling into the street.

It's early evening, so there is some foot traffic on the roads but not enough to make me uncomfortable. Most people see me coming and give me enough space to manoeuvre my crutches freely and keep a steady pace. I have long since dulled myself to the pain that comes from this kind of locomotion, so my gait is at least a little smother than it used to me, even though my left foot still drags along the ground.

I ... don't know what to do with that. The leg is mostly useless and unresponsive, which still scares me a lot, because if it was only pain, well, I've learnt to live with that, but this inability to use the leg for anything at all ... It feeds the fear that I keep a tight collar on, the fear that maybe, just maybe, there is no cure, that maybe I will spend my whole life dragging a foot behind me because I couldn't figure this out. That's a scary thought. I don't like it but from time to time it seems so overwhelming that I might curl up and cry somewhere away from prying eyes.

But ... not today. No, not today. I've made good progress today. I just need to keep that in mind and don't acknowledge the fact that the muscles in my left leg have started to diminish. _Oh heavens, I'll be a cripple for the rest of my life!_

My breath comes in short pants and my eyes have started to sting something fierce while my chest is starting to shake with supressed sobs. _No! Not here! Memorial stone! Now!_

I change directions and drag myself along a main street to head to the training grounds, focusing on my breathing, trying to steady it, trying to shut every thought down and just get through the village without anyone noticing how close I am to a breakdown.

Breathe slowly. Blink your eyes more. Keep your face turned down. Stop shaking. Walk straight forwards, no staggering sideways and falling now.

For the next minutes that's all I do, all I concentrate on and, like always, it helps keeping the tears at bay. Like always, the people that pass me by have no idea just how miserable I feel, just like I wanted.

Before long a shout pulls me out of my head, causing me to look up sharply.

"OI! KAKASHI!"

Several heads turn, mine included, to the small dango stand where a tall young man sits and waves exaggeratedly in a group of people, all of whom are staring out at the street. I follow their gazes and there he is, Kakashi, just strolling down the street, almost directly towards me.

That's ... I haven't seen him in months. And this is the first time I've ever seen him outside the setting of the memorial stone. I wouldn't have taken him for someone to actually walk along the streets instead of roof hopping, he always struck me as not wanting to interact with people and avoiding situations where he might have to. But maybe ...

The look in that lone, grey eye is dead. He's just staring ahead, not even looking at or acknowledging anything around him. The people on the streets instinctively make way for him while I stand rooted to the ground and watch him draw closer. _Maybe he just came back from a bad mission and needs a distraction._

"Hello, _isi._ " My call is significantly more muted than the previous one, but since Kakashi is only a few meters away it should be enough for him to hear if he wants to. And, surprisingly, it gets a reaction.

Kakashi's eye loses its dull sheen and picks me out of the crowd immediately. I can't read any emotion from his masked face, don't even know if there is anything to read, but the new focus goes a great length to make him seem more lively. He changes his course slightly and comes to a halt in front of me.

For a long moment, I do nothing but look up at him and wait for him to say something. He doesn't say anything though, remaining silent as he regards me. I would almost say that he's looking me over, assessing my condition, but really, that might just be my imagination because Kakashi doesn't give anything about his thoughts away. He just stands and looks down at me while I stand, or hang in my crutches as it is, and look up at him.

When he does move, it's his hand disappearing into a pouch at his back. Curious, I follow the motion with my eyes and am presented with an off-white cylindrical container, the tag on its side declaring it to be medication. My medication. It's almost identical to the empty pill bottle I threw away a few weeks ago.

Uncertainly, I look up at Kakashi's face, trying to gauge what he's thinking but he's as stoic as ever. Again I lower my gaze to the bottle. When I hesitantly reach out for it, Kakashi drops it into my open palm. I stare at it, the image starting to swim before my eyes and my throat becoming clogged. So it _was_ him. He ... he _doesn't_ hate me for making him uncomfortable.

"Th-thanks, _isi._ " I try hard to hold back the tears threatening to fall, no need to make a scene and drive him away again, but it's hard, because ... because Kakashi actually did something _nice._ For _me_!

I flinch when a hand drops onto my head, ingrained wariness kicking in, but he only pats my hair once, twice, before disappearing in a swirl of leaves. It takes me an embarrassingly long time to get a hold of myself again. When I finally do, I tuck the pill bottle into my pants pocket and look up and around.

The people on the street are still going about their buisness, thankfully not giving me more than a glance before moving around the obstacle I present, standing in the middle of the street as I am. There are however several pairs of eyes burning the side of my face with their curious gaze. Looking over, I meet the intense black eyes of the young man that originally called out to Kakashi. Set over those fiercely, quite uncomfortably interested eyes are a pair of bushy black eyebrows. That alone would be enough to identify the man, but the thick head of shiny black hair laying perfectly in a bowl cut around a smooth friendly face only cements my assessment.

That man is, undoubtedly, Maito Gai. Jounin of Konohagakure no Sato, Taijutsu specialist, cultivates an image of youthful exuberance and fair play. That is, if I remember my foreknowledge correctly. If he ever got on my case, I'd never be inconspicuous again.

Nervously I break eye contact, not even trying to identify the two other people he sits with, and get out of their line of sight as fast as possible. I almost slip and fall when one of my crutches catches on a stone protruding form the packed dirt road, but I can catch myself to avoid that fate. My right leg that caught most of my weight hurts like hell, but I don't care, at least I didn't have to embarrass myself.

 **-o-**

"What are you looking for, anyway?" The slow drawl that has become familiar by now sounds from the end of the aisle. I ignore him in favour of searching for the next text to read. My frustration at the lack of information on the chakra network has long since mounted when I realized that I went through _every medical textbook and atlas_ that featured it as a topic and is stored at this clearance level. Now, I sift through all the smaller observational texts and study results that are on display, but the hope to find _anything_ of use here is slowly diminishing.

Benjiro joins me in front of the book case stuffed with scrolls, research journals simply thrown with no order whatsoever, and begins pulling them out and reading their titles aloud. He is probably doing it to annoy me, but that's actually somewhat helpful. When he reads out "Essay on development in the unborn child" I stop him.

"Wait," I hold out my hand, "I'll take that one." Benjiro looks down at the thick scroll he's holding, before shrugging and handing it over.

"Are you going to answer me then?"

I roll my eyes even as I start hobbling back to my favoured niche in the back of the library. "Obviously, I was looking for an essay on foetal development."

The Nara scoffs. "No, you weren't. That just happened to fit in your search parameters."

" _No shit, Sherlock_ ", I mumble. He can't understand me, but the sentiment is clear.

"I want to know what the search parameters are."

"Oh, really?" I don't even try to mask the sarcasm.

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Are you absolutely certain that you want to know?"

"Yes."

Annoyed that he won't react to my deliberate stalling, I look back at him. Benjiro's face is lax, without the scowl I half expected it to grace, but he looks quite annoyed still, with the way his eyes are narrowed. _Hah! Got you! Even if you don't want to admit it!_

"Tell you what, _Ben Ten,_ I'll answer you, if you finally tell me, why you keep coming here." A smirk passes over his lips, before he goes to reply, but I cut him off. "I expect an honest answer if I'm being honest as well." He shuts his mouth again but nods to show his agreement.

We reach the table and I plant the new scroll onto the mess of material already on the desktop before sinking into a chair. Benjiro sits down opposite me, like he always does. Silence stretches as we both expect the other to start. Neither of us do.

In the end, I cave in. He could probably sit and wait me out all day and while I am just as capable at being stubborn, it's just not very constructive. So, I take the first step.

"I'm looking for information on the chakra network, specifically what it is made of and how it heals and currently with a focus on the very minor pathways that aren't covered _at all_ in all these texts and I want to know why."

Benjiro remains quiet, obviously thinking over my reasons and sorting it into his pre-existing knowledge and suspicions.

"Do you really think you can find a treatment for yourself when certified professionals can't?" He says at length, proving just how many leaps of logic Naras are capable of to arrive at the correct conclusion.

"Yes", I answer honestly, "The medical program isn't all that old, Tsunade-sama is all but the founder of modern medicine in Konoha. Even if there are amazingly effective treatments for many common ailments, I doubt that the mednins discovered everything there is to know about the human body in half a century." At the mere thought, I roll my eyes. _Ridiculous!_

The boy opposite me nods slowly, obviously thinking it over and pondering. I give him a minute, before I demand my own answer.

"Well, I was mostly curious." At the stink eye I give him for that very obvious reason, he shrugs. "It's a little weird that someone that can't become a shinobi still goes to the Academy. And it's interesting that you can keep up despite only coming to classes once a week. You know, since people are absolutely certain you're some kind of mental retard."

The Nara watches me closely, but I don't give any reaction to that. It's neither the first nor worst insult being thrown around by my classmates. When nothing happens, he leans back and crosses his hands behind his head, lounging in his chair. "Now, I actually think you have a point. Libraries are a nice place to be."

"Pfft, sure. Whatever you say." Dismissing Benjiro as unhelpful, I turn my attention to the essay I picked up. Maybe the process of developing chakra coils can give me a new perspective on the issue of fixing them.

Three hours later, while deep into the paper on foetal development, I come to the conclusion that _yes, this is much more helpful than those half-assed atlases._

Apparently, the chakra pathways aren't even distinguishable until a week or two before birth and only fully form in infant age, which I need to find another paper on. What really caught my attention is the hypothesis of the author that the chakra vessels only form along a rather loose plan for the coils as a whole when actual chakra starts passing through those areas. I don't quite understand how or why the author of the essay has come to this conclusion, but it's interesting enough for me to look into. And that is what I do.

 **-o-**

" _Bonheurs enfantins_ ..."

That song is still stuck in my head, even weeks later. I'm hobbling along the streets singing under my breath in hopes to just get it out of my system already.

"Trop vite oubliés effacés ..."

I'm coming from the Academy because it's Monday and Mondays are when I visit classes and catch up with the topics discussed during the week. It's not as easy as it used to be. The third year seems like a turning point in the education of shinobi hopefuls, classes get more intense, topics more complicated and diverse and, what makes me the most apprehensive, the standards for physical fitness are raised exponentially.

From what I've seen of the outside lessons, Sensei actually drills my classmates during practise, punishing inattention where last year he would have been more lenient. It makes sense, of course, since in the next exams they will be tested on their taijutsu and bukijutsu, so he prepares them. Only, I won't be up to snuff if I don't find a solution for my injuries soon. There is just about half a year left for me to fix myself and build my body up to acceptable levels.

" _Une lumière dorée brille sans fin ..._ "

I'm pretty sure that I'm onto something in my research, but who knows if I will have a break through in time? What if it takes years to recover, even if I find myself a suitable treatment?

I stop singing and frown, agitated. There is only one thing I'm certain of in this situation and that's that if I fail this year, all the doubters will feel validated in their claim that I will never become a kunoichi and that they'll feel entitled to boot me out of the Academy in turn. It will be a self-fulfilling prophecy at that point, they don't think I'm capable and because of that I will never be. The only way to avoid that fate is to find a quick solution, but how would I know if what I'm researching will be quick to apply? Even now, I only have a vague idea that hasn't been proven yet. The reason I'm feeling hopeful about the direction of my efforts is that the hypothesis hasn't been _disproven_ either ... so far.

The only thing I can do about the Academy curriculum at this point is to excel at the theoretical portion of our classes.

Numbers class is picking up difficulty, but compared to the courses I attended in the Before it's still laughable, especially with my beautiful brain that has taken to the mental training like a fish to water and works as smoothly and accurately as I remember my favourite calculator doing. Basic tactics that has replaced politics on the curriculum is interesting but, as the name implies, basic still. For someone that used to enjoy strategy games as much as a fast paced round of Counter Strike, the introduced concepts aren't new.

But that's where the easy classes stop. Jutsu theory is _intr_ _iguing_ , dealing with the general structures and concepts of the two main classes of jutsu: genjutsu and ninjutsu, and I've all but devoured the textbooks on the reading list Kosaku-sensei gave me, but the ways the knowledge can be applied and the possible ways for questions to go are varied and not specified in the books. During the times I've sat in with the class, the most interesting discussions opened up, even if the only ones participating were Sensei and a pair of overeager teacher's pets in the front row. It makes me almost sad that I miss so many of them, but in the end, my research is more important.

Both general education and language classes weren't exactly difficult to study by the textbooks alone, the difficulty here was the subjects they covered themselves.

General education this year focuses on the code of conduct in the active military and the infamous shinobi rules. It's mostly just the alien nature of many of the regulations that stump me, they seem so cold and sometimes inane in their interpretation of what a soldiers sanity can bear and it almost physically pains me to have to learn them by heart, to brand them into my mind in order to answer fast and correctly when Sensei fires his questions off during class. The pace of those lessons is fast and tense. Kosaku-sensei grills one of us with unpleasant intensity for minutes at a time before changing targets and leaving his previous victim shaking. He is conditioning so that when we are presented with a situation our first thought is on the rules and nothing else. It's so blatant, but so very effective nonetheless. It makes me uneasy. Who knows how long the conditioning will actually stick? But this way it will be hard to forget the regulations for a long time, which is likely Sensei's goal in this.

Opposed to the uncomfortable feeling that makes studying for general education harder than it should be, language classes are hard because they are actually hard. The subjects for this year is intra-village communication. Or, to be precise, it's the different lingual codes and identification phrases that we might need as Genin, those were as easy as learning a new vocabulary to express yourself with. The really interesting part of the curriculum, however, were the two Konoha standard cyphers and the Konoha standard sign language. They aren't written down, never, the only way to learn them was to learn them from another person, which is bad for me as I only get a seventh of the exposure to it that my peers. I would have despaired if this had turned into a huge and frustrating problem like my reading had, but _thank the heavens for Itachi!_

Whenever Itachi seeks me out nowadays, which is more often than I ever expected him to but still alarmingly staggered due to the mounting mission load that's heaped onto him, we eat whatever he brings with while he practises the standard sign language with me. That way we don't have to talk about the fact that he started going on back-to-back missions even though he's still only a twelve-year-old child or about my somewhat morally grey experiments on live animals. It has gotten to the point where we would hold whole conversations about everything and nothing completely silently, having to invent a few signs ourselves to convey more personal or complicated sentiments that aren't typically part of the Konoha standard no matter how versatile that sign language is, or with the occasional clicking as we tap out our messages. Only the short bursts of laughter or snickering or indignant huffs would sound out during our conversations.

It is fun, the secretive nature of the sign language giving it a kind of thrill I revel in, even if every other shinobi in the village could easily understand us.

It is a good distraction from the building worry I hold for him. He looks so desolate, tired and lost whenever we meet, that expression only slowly fading over the time we spend together. I'm afraid. Afraid that he has already been pulled into ANBU. Afraid of the massacre looming on the horizon. Afraid of what if would do to him. And, selfishly, afraid to lose him.

I don't want to lose him to the machinations of Danzo.

 _I don't want to lose him to anything at all!_

Shuddering with something that has nothing to do with the cold wind nipping at me, I pull my thoughts away from the selfish, possessive monster that lurks at the back of my mind. I don't mind being selfish, normally, but it feels so petty and childish and ungrateful when compared to the horrors Itachi will have to live through, the horrors he is _already_ living through.

I have decided that I won't ever show these thoughts to him. I have decided that I won't be another constant reminder of the hell he's stuck in. I can be his distraction if he needs me to be. And he really, _really_ needs me to be. Just last week in our last encounter, Itachi had looked ready to give up. On what, I'm not sure, but I tried my best to drive that resigned expression away. And if I acted that much sillier in that encounter, he didn't mention it. Either way, the upward quirk to his lips I teased out a couple of times had been enough for me.

I shudder again, although this time it _is_ because of the wind that has found it's way under my jacket and stole a few degrees of body heat.

My fingers are numb. I don't have any gloves, something that never bothered me before but is now fatal since I can't warm my hands in my pockets when they are holding my crutches. Already, they are stiff and hurt underneath the numbness and I remember that time from the Before where I almost got frostbite because I had been too stubborn to go back for mittens at a negative thirty degrees centigrade. It's not as bad right now as it had been back then, so I'll be fine even if it doesn't feel like it at this moment. With that knowledge, I carry on, ignoring all the warnings and painful flares my body sends as per usual.

There aren't a lot of people around the streets as most are just done with their lunch breaks and back at work already while others with more free time on their hands prefer to stay inside. It's just as well for me, I don't mind having a lot of free room to manoeuver in, especially if I'm stiff and more inhibited than usual.

Or, I _wouldn't_ have minded if it wasn't for the familiar figure making her hurried way through the near empty streets. Her gait was brusque and her gaze, thankfully, trained forward as she clutches a grocery bag to her chest. I ... hadn't expected to see that woman out and about at this hour because she would normally be working.

 _What is she doing?_

It only takes a moment of deliberation, before I pop one of the pain meds I carry around everywhere into my mouth, swallowing it dry and start hobbling after her at my top speed. Sadly, I'm neither very graceful nor very subtle in my pursuit, but thank the heavens above, that woman is too distracted to notice me. My body screams and protests but I force myself to continue on.

Maybe, _just_ _maybe_ , I can find out what she does for a living and why she hates it so much.

Maybe _... no, don't get your hopes up. Just go and see where she's going._

That woman turns a corner and by the time I reach the next street I have almost lost her and I just barely catch her slipping through an open front into a what looks like a bar. _Does she ... work at a bar? How is that such a bad job that she's constantly frustrated?_

Warily, and with an aching body all over, I approach the establishment. It's located on a side street but doesn't seem to be especially seedy or anything. _Maybe the front is misleading, though, ..._

I know I shouldn't take the risk and snoop, but after suffering this long under the whims of that woman, I want to understand. I want to understand why. Why does she come home from work and take her frustration out on me? What is the reason?

They say curiosity killed the cat and that is accurate in many ways, but I just couldn't bring myself to care about possible repercussions, not when _answers_ were _so close._

There is not much stealth to be had when you have to rely on crutches to even remain upright, but I try anyway as I peer under the flaps that are the only thing that separates the inside of the bar from the street. Sometimes I wonder if the fact that so many eateries and bars in Konoha have such a wide open front is because paranoid ninja like to have a lot of room to escape, but now I barely notice it.

Inside, the bar seams to be as plain but clean as the appearance advertises on the outside. I can't see anything questionable, there are spaced out tables and chairs, several alcoves sequestered away along the walls and a long bar behind which is a door that might lead to either a kitchen or store room. That's all I can see from my angle and a wave of disappointment hits me.

 _This solves nothing! Why did I think I could find any answers here?_

 _Is that woman just a naturally bad person?_

The thought gnaws at me. I don't believe people are born good or bad, we all have our reasons for behaving the way we do. _But ... what are her reasons? Why ... why would she ... What would drive her to ..._ I don't realize I'm crying until a sob breaks through. I can't stand the sight of this plain, perfectly normal bar anymore. There is nothing horrible about it. There is no ... reasons here.

Stumbling blindly, my vision impaired my a mass of unwelcome tears, I turn and flee. My gait is even messier than it usually is, swerving wildly as I haphazardly place my crutches to just propel me forward, away from the bar. Just away ...

The frantic careening is brought to an abrupt halt when, inevitably, one of my crutches slips, sending me toppling down. I would have crashed painfully against the dirt road if there hadn't been two gigantic hands catching me on the upper arms and holding me upright.

"Such fierce determination!", a man exclaims behind me in a tone that was almost joyful, clashing horribly with my bad mood. The tight, secure grip he has on me serves to pull me back from my near hysterical crying fit. Namely, because my arms and shoulders burn and ache and hurt horribly where he squeezes them.

"What would have such a delicate young flower in such a hurry?", the man wonders and I have no idea what the hell that guy is on about with the flower or why he thinks it's any of his buisness but what really annoys me is

"I'm not delicate!"

"So fierce and spirited!" comes a cry from behind me and suddenly, with a feeling of cold dread curling in my gut, I know just who the very enthusiastic man holding me two centimetres above the ground is.

 _I'm so screwed. If he takes an interest in me, I'll never have a quiet moment again!_

"Set me down?", I hesitantly ask, not sure what I should do but wanting to get out of his crushing grip either way, "Please?"

"Of course!" And with that simple exclamation I am suddenly on my feet again, slumping into the crutches and barely suppressing a whimper.

"Thanks", I mumble and start limping away. There's no way I can shake him off like that, though, Maito Gai simply walks alongside me waxing on about the beauty of YOUTH and fire of determination that should be stoked and encouraged in all of us.

He makes me distinctly uncomfortable. The few people on the streets that pass by us shoot funny looks in our direction. Not that Gai cares, he ignores them with the ease of long practise. In contrast, I can't help but shrink a little under the scrutiny of the proper citizens of Konoha, during my usual jaunts around the village I try to avoid any and all attention directed at me. Concentrating on keeping my forward movement going, I let everything else drift to the back of my mind.

That is, until Gai, who had been on a tangent about how even winter couldn't suppress the springtime of YOUTH, turns serious. The difference in demeanour is so crass, I stop and turn toward him without thinking. It seemed as if suddenly, the man commanded attention and respect and I was reminded that he _was,_ in fact, a Jounin and not some random fool off the streets.

"You are the kid Kakashi gave drugs to, then?"

Taken aback, I need a moment to process the question that seems to be half accusation and half worry. With a frown I squint up at that grim expression on the somewhat goofy looking face. _Did he just insinuate that Kakashi gave me drugs for recreational purposes?_ _That's silly._

"Yes, he gave me pain medication," I pull out the pill bottle from my pants pockets and begrudgingly hand them over when Gai holds out his open palm, "They're the type the hospital recommend I take." The Jouning reads the label carefully, pops the lid open to take a look inside and just inspects the bottle suspiciously. When he's done he doesn't give it back, instead regarding me with that inquisitive look.

"These are pretty strong."

The urge for sarcasm is there and it's strong, but I hold it on a tight leash. Mouthing off won't help me right now, even if it might give me a vindictive pleasure. "I'm in a lot of pain."

"You're very young, your parents should handle any medication you need."

My scowl deepens. "I'm a kunoichi in training, I can take care of myself." With that I hold out my hand, silently demanding the pill bottle back.

A moment passes, in which he seems to contemplate it. Then, so suddenly it gives me whiplash, his mood makes a complete one-eighty back to his exuberant cheerfulness. There are tears in his eyes and he dramatically throws an arm over his face as he declares himself to be "inspired by the fire of my YOUTH". With an exaggerated flourish he deposits the pill bottle in my outstretched hand.

"I see why my hip and cool rival decided to help such a beautiful blossom so full of life and vigour!", he cries, "I shall strive to also nurture the tender sprouts of YOUTH!"

And then he is gone and I'm alone in a side street of Konoha. I look around, but the street is empty. A little dizzy from all the emotions of this afternoon, I make my way to the rats. I need something to concentrate on and there is research to be done.

 **-o-**

I'm once again in the library and in a good mood. Today some mednin hopeful has returned a bunch of books she'd been hogging and that I could gloriously work through now. Humming cheerily, I page through the first textbook, not all that interested in this one since there is another, much more enticing title at the bottom of the pile. However, I want to have at least an overview on the contents of all the books as they seem to be the publications that get loaned very frequently by the newbies in the hospital and I want to _know_ what I'm missing if a book gets taken before I can read it thoroughly.

But that last book in the pile ...

I would be bouncing on the seat if that wasn't such a horribly stupid idea, I'm so happy.

The last book in the pile has a very simple and concise title. "Chakra coils, an overview." It might not sound like much, but when none of the other books I've worked through so far exclusively dealt with the chakra circulatory network, I'm allowed to be excited for this read. It might finally give me an edge!

With every passing minute the pace with which I look over the other books increases steadily until at the second to last, I'm flipping through the pages so fast that I can barely make out the different headlines. Then I reach the back cover and slam the book shut, sliding it off and away in order to lovingly pull the textbook on chakra coils closer and start reading.

" _Sens au coeur de la nuit ..._ " Giddily I sing, letting all the nervous and excited energy out. " _L'onde d'espoir, ardeur de la vie ..._ "

I know that there is a wide stupid grin on my face as I devour the information written within the book. It's a hazard, showing my front teeth -or lack thereof- like this where anybody could walk around the corner and see, but I don't care. Two of the teeth have started to comenout anyway, so that it doesn't look _that_ disconcerting anymore. And I'm just having too much fun digging through the information generously displayed on the pages of her new favourite book.

The book would become her favourite book of all time in just half an hour later, when I read through a paragraph that supports the idea that I've come up with to circumvent the injuries in my pathways.

 _After the peripheral pathways there are smaller vessels that guide chakra from larger pathways to areas it is needed. Such smaller vessels up to the capillaries of the chakra circulatory system vary greatly in layout between individuals. This is caused by_ exertion-guided vessel growtheffect, _which describes the process of minor chakra vessels forming around tracks in tissues frequently perfused by chakra. As such, the final branches of the chakra circulatory network depend on the stress and stimuli the individual is exposed to._

Meaning that I can grow vessels to directly bypass the ruptures. Even if the initial injury can't or won't heal, with this, with _this_ I can still make a full recovery!

Grinning, I belt out the last of the song, not caring who I might disturb. There's probably nobody except myself and the librarian here anyway.

" _Sentier de gloire!"_

I have finally found a way! Nothing can stop me now!


	10. One step forward, two steps back

AN: Moi moi, dear readers. Peruna here. Sorry for the long wait but I just wasn't in the mood to be mean to my characters and since this story is always mean one way or another ... well, anyway, I'm kind of glad of how that chapter turned out in the end, I think I managed to strike the tone I was going for but that might be the sleep deprivation talking, so please tell me if this chapter was especially bad ... I've had weird experiences with writing while tired before ...

Anywho, moving on. A big, fat, giant thanks to **_coooooookie77_** for the cover art. Isn't the cover amazing and beautiful in every way? It's exactly what I had envisioned, so thank you _so much_!

Onto community service! _Thank you_ to everybody that took the time to review, I've read them all and was happy as a clam every time I perused the comment section.

To **_Dalilt_** : Gai wasn't really thinking. That weird interrogation was the result of an amalgamation of confusion and worry for both Kakashi and Hikari respectively combined with an opportune moment to ask for answers. As for Naras and ponytails ... Yes, in my head canon it's a loose tradition for Nara men to wear their hair in a ponytail in some shape or form. The fact that Benjiro cut his is more of a rebellion towards his father than his clan though. Not really important, but interesting maybe.

To **_TheOne320_** : Don't worry too much. I just thought I'd give my opinion.

To **_Mangahero18_** : PSST, don't tell everyone! It'll be our secret ;)

To _Guest_ : Most of the more random vocabulary I use, like the word _isi_ , is Finnish. Usually Google translate will recognize any foreign words I use.

To **_Marisandini_** : The reason that most books at the library didn't hold information on the smallest chakra vessels, is because their layout varies very greatly between individuals, they have no complex roles in the network _and_ all the good textbooks are usually checked out by mednin in training ;) And yes, Hikari's injury threw off Danzo's interest although she never really had it anway. But imagine what he'll think when he hears about the supposedly incurable injury suddenly vanishing. Still not so lucky for Hikari, but there's no winning with Danzo anyway ...

To **_o_** ** _rlha_** : A plaster would work but it recuires a Hyuuga with intensive medical knowledge and the ability to use Gentle Palm with the chakra control and precision of a medical ninjutsu. Resources that Hikari doesn't habe available.

To **_PinkCassey_** : I put Kakashi into the tags because he' the canon character eith the most influence on the story. He'll play a much bigger part later, but that's still a while off.

To **_Nerdcat21_** : My ideas for how chakra works stem mostly from reading other fanfictions that elaborate on it, whether they do it well or poorly, and trying to build a comprehensive concept of how it would work. I have some knowledge of he human body,which has no doubt tinted my ideas in some way.

On _how_ _Keiko and Kakashi met_ : Keiko and Miko were out drinking to celebrate Miko's promotion to Chuunin. At the second bar of the night Miko got swept away by another group of partying shinobi, leaving Keiko at lose ends. She, already drunk off her ass, went up to the bar where Kakashi was drowning his sorrow over the desaster of Kanabi Bridge, drunk beyond comprehension. She offered to take him home, he accepted since he couldn't even walk straight anymore and on the way to his house she continually made advances until he finally gave in. Both had a hangover from hell the next morning, Keiko leaving before Kakashi woke up. Kakashi doesn't remember anything, she knows only a little of what went down. The End. (Still a better love story than Twilight.)

To **_Azaira_** : It's not like Hikari can just magic new tissue out of her own arse. The way the new pathways form is through the body adapting to the stresses you put it under, lile skin forming callouses or muscles growing when used often. Also, if pathways could form within pathways by the same process the whole chakra system would very soon clog itself, which is why that's not a thing. ... And that comment on how children heal better than adults is only partially true and quite bizarre. Yes, the young fare better in surgeries and recovering from accidents and such, but that doesn't mean children can just shrug off incredibly grievous injuries. In fact, children are often much harder to treat since their physiology is very different from an adults. Add to that the problems that may arise in their development due to whatever sickness or injury. ... I'm afraid I just don't agree with your statement. ... _However_ , one must remember that only because one character thinks or says something that that isn't the absolute truth. It's all subjective, even for mednin ...

To **_SamsaraMorningstar_** : No, Kakashi doesn't know about Hikari's situation with her mother. But he's just as capable of breaking into the hospitals archive to look at Hikari's file as Itachi ist ;)

To **_Slitherson_** : Man, Hikari would absolutely _hate_ being chained to a job as a mednin. That's not happening, sorry. At least not as you suggested.

 **I do not own Naruto.**

 **10**

The rat screams. It's a long, shrill, piercing wail of pure agony. It writhes in pain, pain so all-encompassing that it clouds the brain, the perception, blurs every thought and renders the animal helpless and unable to take action, any action at all except screaming.

It's annoying.

After three continuous hours of working with my volunteers the sound starts to _really_ grate on my ears, after about a week of spending every waking hour in my alleyway I lose my patience. With a throbbing head and a very poor mood I set to find some way to have the rat stop making all this noise.

Laming the tongue doesn't do much and I don't want to close the windpipe, so I concentrate, zeroing in first on the larynx and then on the chords, distinguishing and dismissing the vestibular folds in order to focus purely on the vocal folds. Then, with a little twist of my chakra and more than enough vindictive pleasure, I sever every muscle that could in any way or form lead to an adduction of the vocal chords.

Immediately the unholy screeching turns into warbles and as soon as the rat takes a panicked breath there is wonderful, blissful quiet. Nothing but a faint wheezing is to be heard as the rodent pushes exhales through a relaxed larynx with fearful fervour. The animal's chakra roils and jumps all over the place, but I don't mind, simply resuming the task of pushing more chakra through the fat and muscle between two neighbouring pathways than is probably healthy in order to carve a new pathway.

Wild, uncontrolled twitches and cramps set in almost immediately as the muscle fibres do their best to absorb and process the semi-active chakra passing through them. They are both less prominent and much more intense than yesterday and I can feel that there are already changes in the structure of the tissue, isolating the much abused cells in the way of the new vessel I am trying to force onto the rat. The surrounding structures are much less active when I pull the chakra threads through, while the directly affected cell population take in much more of the energy than they did originally, leading to stronger contractions in the slowly changing muscle fibres.

I'm confident that by tomorrow there might be an actually distinguishable protopathway in the place of the vaguely differentiated pattern. That is, if my newly mute specimen survives that long. Keeping up the chakra flow through the female's body I inspect the writhing thing in my lap.

She's getting pretty gaunt, the stress I put on her system through my experiments coupled with the exponentially increased nutrient demands of the constantly stimulated muscle draining all reserves she might have had previously. The fact that she's not eaten anything in the three days I've been working with her only worsens the issue.

It would be quite annoying if this volunteer died of malnutrition when she's been the most promising subject yet. But then again, I initially chose her because she looked hardy and healthy, bigger and fatter than most of the other rats left, after the first few couldn't handle the stress. Maybe she'll be the first volunteer to survive in my care. At that moment, I decide that if she does, if she's the one to give me the assurance with which I can proceed to start treating myself, I'll let her live. If she develops a new chakra vessel, she'll be my new pet instead of a mere test subject.

"Wouldn't that be nice?", I ask the rodent sweetly, but I have the suspicion it doesn't understand. "Yes, it would", I answer in its stead, grinning excitedly.

When I throw a glance to the cages to my right, the rats inside scurry away to the far walls of their enclosures.

 _Silly things._

 **-o-**

I'm in a good mood. It's not hard to guess as to why that is, although I still get odd looks from people passing me by on the streets. They don't know, of course, all that they see is a girl on crutches, dragging her foot through the dirt, moving laboriously and yet humming a jaunty tune with a grin on her face. Which is odd enough when one half of Konoha's population is trained not to show emotion and the other half regards it as unsightly to show feelings to such an extent. Not that I care. Nothing can dissuade me from my good mood.

My research effort is well on its way to proving my hopeful hypothesis to be accurate enough to try on myself. The first rat, a large and hardy female, has completed the growth of a new pathway in its chakra coils and is now on the road of recovery from my experiments. The new vessel is quite a small, tenuous affair, not proportional to the sheer amounts of chakra I pumped through the rat's body in order to initiate the new development, and I'll be sure to come back to that particular subject later in order to test the stress capacity of the somewhat underwhelming vessel.

Until then, though, I have a new pet that I should find a name for.

This is serious business. Giving a name isn't something to be done without thought. Sure, I've given my test subjects names on occasion, either to make a joke to myself or to annoy Itachi and/or assuage his contempt of my methods, but actually naming a thing that I allow myself to get attached to shouldn't be made with petty motifs in mind. No. I will find a real, pet-worthy name for the rat that so wondrously provided me with the results I wanted to see, no matter how ungraciously it did so.

Hm. I almost tend towards a generic, stereotypical pet name like Rex or Mr. Tibbles, Buddy maybe, but those are all male connoted and the rat in question is a female, so that won't do. With a jolt, a memory from the Before races over the top of my thoughts, disappearing before I can even react and shove it away consciously.

My first pet in the Before had been a rodent as well, a guinea pig, which, if one tends to sarcasm, fits perfectly for my current situation. Back then I had been five or six years old and about as undecided over a possible name as I am now, which led to the most obvious solution a five-year-old may have: Just give _all_ the names one can think of, which lead to a disgruntled guinea pig with seven different names. I only remember three of them, my memory failing me since it hadn't been an important information to retain in my old life, when I had a fallible brain instead of the veritable machine I have sitting between my ears now. Alone the fact that I haven't kept more than the bare minimum of my research in my notebook, instead opting to simply remember the details if needed, says enough about the hilariously increased capacity my new brain has.

I pull myself out of the musings, deciding that a name is a name and the one my literal guinea pig used to have is good enough for my figurative guinea pig now.

 _Lizzy it is._

Continuing my cheerful humming, I turn the corner and head through the Academy gates. It's Monday again, the reason for why I am dragging myself through the yet uncrowded streets of early morning Konoha instead of sitting sequestered away, surrounded by dirty rodents.

I'm reasonably early, at least half an hour before even the early bird students would arrive, but I need the extra time to climb the staircases. For once, those don't seem like an unrealistically cruel obstacle and more like an inconvenient chore. Pain I've long since become used to is easily ignored, the annoyingly long time it takes for me to climb the steps one by one abridged by thoughts of music and especially catchy tunes.

Not wanting to break out in song in an area that is quickly becoming crowded as the main mass of students arrives and pushes to get to their respective classrooms, I sing along in my head as I hum the tune out loud.

 _I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad._

 _I've got sunshine in a bag._

 _I'm useless, but not for long_

 _my future is coming on._

 _I ain't happy ..._

It's one of those melodies you can never forget once they sneak themselves into your head, one of my favourites in the Before, one that was whistled and hummed and sung softly whenever I felt musically inclined. My friends and family knew it well enough simply by proxy. It's simple, lively and oh so catchy and I would have kept on humming it all the way through the hallway and the classroom up to my seat at the back corner desk, if I hadn't been interrupted.

Just after leaving the staircase to the crush of students and heading down the correct corridor to a familiar door, I'm rudely shake from my thoughts as someone bumps into me harshly while passing by. I'm about to let it go as an accident when the offender in question swings around to face me and block my way in the same move.

It's a girl with her brown hair up in pigtails bound by colourful ribbons. Her flowery bright dress is clean and neat, perfectly put together with a pair of blue leggings that end in fitting shinobi sandals. She looks cute and presentable, but the ugly sneer on her face destroys that image. _Although_ , I wonder absently, _a civilian might find no problem in aiming derision at those of a lower standing_. The semi-traditionalist-Japanese culture of Konoha's civilian population has always confounded me.

On its own accord and against my wishes, the good mood does retreat, making way for the resigned irritation I always feel when dealing with petty bullies.

Kotobuki Una hadn't been one of those in the past, choosing to groom her friends and followers to like her better, maybe engage in rumour and gossip mongering and, yes, also slag me from time to time when she thinks I can't hear her and her entourage, but she never engaged in picking on me directly like some of our classmates did. From the set of her shoulders and the glint of superiority in her eyes I can deduce that she wants to try her hand at it now.

Absently I remember my observation from the day the second year started and feel like this has been a long time coming. It's probably only my injuries and long absences that delayed the inevitable and now Una has lost her reservations about kicking someone who is already down.

Next to Una Kusomoto Tatsu takes up position. "Look who it is! The mumbling stumbling retard!" Some of the gathering girls snicker at the derisive title. It's not a new one, I've already heard it in passing two weeks ago, but it stings nonetheless. Sure, to these people it's nothing more than a mean name, but to me it's all my short-comings flung into my face. I'm thought of as stupid, because of my initial bad grades, my speech impediment is only now receding with the new teeth coming in and I've not yet started to treat my disability.

I want to just move around Una and her group of minions, but by now all of the girls in my class are blocking the way. It's not all that impressive, since there's still only six of them, but between them the hallway is easily blocked. There is enough kids still passing through, the minions stepping aside to make way for our yearmates and upperclassmen, but I doubt they'll give me the same courtesy. I can see Benjiro's spikey mop from the corner of my eye, before my attention is pulled back to the ringleader of this assault.

"You know a retard like you shouldn't even come here", Una sneers, "They don't let cripples become kunoichi. Or are you too stupid to understand that?" More snickers from the minions, although I don't understand what's so funny, the insults aren't witty at all, pretty basic even. I'm sure that Tatsu could come up with much more scathing remarks, but the girl holds back in order for Una to stand in the limelight. I can even see that she has a smart remark on her tongue, the way she grins but presses her lips shut is a good enough indicator for that.

Apparently Una is not amused at my inattention toward her weak insults, because suddenly she's right up in my face. "Do you hear me?", she yells as if she thinks I'm deaf as well as stupid, "Go home!"

With that she pushes me back at the shoulders. I stumble, wobble, and am just fast enough in relocating my crutches as to not fall. At the guffaws around me, I look up. The satisfied glint in Una's eyes spells nothing good. She has finally gotten the reaction she wanted from the onlooking crowd.

"See?! You can't even stand upright!", she laughs and with a step she is much too close to comfort, "Can't even walk without these sticks!"

And with that she hooks her foot around the base of my left crutch and pulls it away. It happens too fast for me to shift my weight onto the right, I'm too shocked that she would actually go this far. Her face is the picture of satisfaction as I crumble to the floor, my left leg not being able to catch my fall at all.

I hit the wood with a grunt, lances of fresh pain jolting through my body, but the pain meds I took this morning take the edge off even now and what remains is bearable. Sadly, that doesn't change the fact that my body is shivering and convulsing at the new stress it's put through. Over my own pounding heart and shaky breaths I can hear the laughter of Una and her goonies but it seems that they had enough of a show and are now moving off as the sounds of their self-satisfied mirth dwindles.

For a few moments I concentrate on nothing, giving my body time to get its shit back together. It's just one of many instances I've done it, a countless number strewn in over the months that I've struggled with my injuries already.

 _I can't wait until they're gone, until I won't have to do any fucking breathing exercises anymore. I'm so done with being a cripple_

However vicious and determined my thoughts though, my feelings have already wandered into treacherous territory. Now is the worst time for doubts, as I am intellectually aware, now is one of the few moments that doubts aren't even justified -I've made good progress, I _actually have_ the first _conclusive evidence_ that there is a viable treatment!- which of course means that the fears I've been fighting against for these hard months break out at this exact moment.

 _What if it doesn't actually work?_ , the scared part of my brain asks.

 _I'll find another way, then_ , I answer.

 _What if the trial only worsens the injuries?_ , the apprehensive part in me throws in.

 _I'll do another trial run on a badge of rats before attempting it on myself_ , I assuage.

 _What if rats don't actually compare to humans?_ , the fearful doubt whimpers.

 _I'll find a way._

It's hard to argue with yourself. Your emotions won't ever be convinced by your analytical mind, no matter how long you try. And I would have tried much longer, if there hadn't been someone to pull me out of my thoughts.

Instinctively I flinch away from the light tough on my shoulder. Just like everything else, the motion hurts, but I absent-mindedly catalogue that my breath and heart beat have calmed a little and my body isn't shuddering uncontrollably anymore. Dazedly I look around at the near empty hallway.

"Are you okay?", asks a hushed voice at my back and once I shift to look for its source, I see Benjiro hovering over me, trying for a nonchalant look while seeming vaguely worried.

"No", I grouch and sit up, ignoring his fumbling as he can't decide on his next course of action. "Why do you care, anyway?"

He takes in an audible breath right next to my ear, before he shuffles around to my front in order to actually face me. "That wasn't okay, what they did ..."

I furrow my brow and scowl at him. _That's mighty easy to say, but I distinctly remember seeing his ugly mop in the crowd doing nothing._

 _Does he really think that I'll give him a pass just because of the weak lip service he's giving me now?!_

 _Does he think, I'll just let him alleviate his guilty conscience just because he takes my side well after the fact, when he could have easily stepped in and prevented the whole situation in the first place?!_

 _Well, think again!_

"Standing by is just as bad as doing the deed yourself!", I bite out and grab for my crutches. I can't think of any really scathing remarks, any insult that I desperately wish to make, to let him feel a little of my pain, to make him understand ... whatever my point is. But there is a distinct lack of clever rhetorics in my repertoire so I just put as much of my disgust at his cowardice into my tone and expression.

Seeing him reel back a little makes me feel better, if only in some small way. I scoff at the boy in order to cement the sentiment and push myself up on the nearest wall, stopping halfway to arrange my crutches and book bag before hefting into a standing position.

Benjiro is still crouching on the same spot, wide eyes looking up into my disapproving face, looking distraught and quite a lot more like the emotional ten-year-old he should be than he usually does.

I don't care much. I don't allow myself to take back the harsh words, because I know that I'm in the right. So I turn around and leave, make my way back out of the Academy since I have no motivation to attend classes today anymore. My time will be better spent on research than on the bratty kids that make up my grade.

I should go look how Lizzy is recuperating and pick out a few rats for the next trial run.

 **-o-**

I'm staring blithely into the neatly kept and still infuriatingly normal bar. Nothing has changed since the first time I've seen that woman duck into it. The interior is still plain, unadorned wooden furniture in an open room, perfectly clean and respectable. It reveals nothing about why that woman is always discontent.

She is currently behind the bar, dusting off the liquor on display, which means it's safe for me to spy on her since her back is turned. If that woman were to turn around, however, she'd immediately spot me where I'm standing by the edge of the open front of the bar room. I know, I shouldn't take such a risk, nothing good will come out of it if she spots me here, but I just _can't leave it alone._

 _Why is she so angry? Why is ..._

I had always thought that that woman was working a horrible, low-paying job, had always thought that there had to be a reason for her poor moods and ... I still want to find it, want to find the source of her misery, of my misery. There has to be something for me to find here, some origin of all the hardship ... _something._ But there is nothing to be seen here except an empty bar. And still I can't stop looking.

"AH! BEAUTIFUL YOUNG FLOWER! IT IS WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU AGAIN!"

With a full body flinch, I loose my balance and stumble backwards into the man that has just appeared behind me. Panicked, I look over my shoulder to see nothing but a garish bright green jumpsuit. When I hastily turn back forward -

Cold eyes meet mine over the short distance of the bar room. That woman examines me, then the new person behind me with a blank expression on her face. Fear lances through me and all I can think of is _Runrunrun! HideRunNow!_

I try to back away but the newcomer is blocking me, _trapping me, I need to get away!_ Without thought I turn around and push against him.

"Go away, go away, go away", I implore in a frantic, hushed tone, searching for an escape. When all the man does is to keep standing in my way, I squeeze myself between him and the wall of the building to get away from the bar front, to get out of sight of that woman, to _get away._ Panic and fear give me strength I didn't know I had, adrenaline lets me forget he injuries as I hurry away.

Just go!

Keep away!

Run!

I turn the corner, down the street, turn another corner, duck into an alley to hide.

Pressing myself against the wall of the alleyway, I try to calm my breath, to quiet down as much as possible, and wait. Several minutes pass without any incident and still my beating heart doesn't slow, the fear still running high, even as the panic abates. Only now can the horror really dawn.

She saw me.

That woman _saw me_ spying on her.

She's going to be so mad.

She's going to be so mad.

She'll _kill me._

Whimpers climb my throat, sounding from pressed shut lips as I close my stinging eyes and try to keep calm.

 _She's going to kill me. I'm so dead. Deaddeaddead. I don't want to die. Idunwannadie. She's going to be so mad._

Some time later -who knows how long?- Maito Gai finds me. At first I don't notice him trough my crying, but then, between one sob and the other, he's there, standing in front of me and regarding me seriously. I want him to go away. This is all his fault.

"Now, now, young blossom, there's no need to cry", Gai soothes, his energetic voice taking on a much richer quality when he's trying to be comforting. It helps, a little, to calm me down. "Why did you run away?", he asks cautiously.

Taking a deep, shaking breath I make to answer although it's interrupted by quiet sobs and hiccups. "She - She caught me l-lookin'. I ... I shouldn't", I shudder, "shouldn' ha' been spyin'."

Gai smiles, a bright and soft thing, and reaches out to ruffle my hair. "Don't worry, little flower. The nice lady didn't mind. I talked to her and apologized for our indiscretion."

 _Oh heavens, no. He talked to her? That's ... That can't be good for me._

Again, Gai pats my head and I let it sink into my shoulders under the weight. _I'm so screwed._

"I'm gunna go now", I mumble and start trudging out of the alley, hanging low in the crutches, feeling more than a little defeated. Might as well go back to the apartment and ride it out, there's no way I can avoid going there tonight. I can't stay outside since the weather is still too cold and I don't have any other place to spend the night.

Gai doesn't follow and although he almost looked like he wanted to stop me, he doesn't. So I trudge my way back to the apartment building, take my time with the stairs and wait the remaining hour for that woman to return with a heavy heart and a ball of bitterness and apprehension twisting up my gut.

 _What's the worst that could happen?_ , I try to cheer myself up. _She still has to keep face in front of the neighbours. She won't_ actually _kill me and I can survive everything else she throws at me._ _I am tough, I can endure whatever will come._ Somehow the reassurances do nothing to make me feel better. They seem hollow at best.

 **-o-**

The door falls shut behind that woman and for a moment it's eerily silent in the flat. I turn towards her, waiting for her to lash out. At first I don't dare to look up into her face, staring at her collarbone instead, but after a long minute of absolute stillness between us, I lift my gaze cautiously to take a guess at her thoughts.

That woman's face is set in a deep frown rather than the heavy scowl I had expected. She seems almost contemplative as she regards me from beneath drawn together eyebrows. However, there is something deeply unsettling about the intensity of her eyes.

Finally she speaks and her cold tone has me shrinking back into myself and avoiding her gaze again.

"You think you can talk to Jounin, ne?" Her question is accusing and cuts like a knife through the silence. "You think you can tell them about me? I bet you were mouthing off about my parenting. I bet you told that man, I was a bad mother."

That woman steps closer, the movement having a distinct menacing edge to it and I stumble back a step, nearly slipping when I place one of my crutches at an awkward angle.

"I see I've been too lenient with you, when you think that you can just involve strangers in this household." Her voice is low, but it rings through the dead quiet of the flat. I shrink further between my shoulders, stealing a look at her face but hastily averting my eyes again when they meet the cold fury in hers. "If all that you spend your time on is spying after me and talking to strangers, then I ought to not let you out anymore."

Panicked, I look up at that woman's face again. I flinch at her expression, but force myself to not look away. "But -"

"Don't!", that woman cuts me off, baring her teeth in a frighteningly animalistic way I've never seen of her before, "Don't try to deny it. I know perfectly well that you haven't been attending the Academy as you should have. I've overlooked your insolence this far, but now I see that that was a mistake."

Again, she advances and this time, like a rabbit staring at a snake, I can only watch her with shock-widened eyes. In a display that reminds me far too much of what Una did this morning, that woman kicks out a crutch from under my arm. I stumble, almost fall, before I can find my balance and heavily lean on my remaining support.

"It's not like you'll become a ninja at any rate after that trick you pulled on yourself", that woman scoffs, scrutinizing my lopsided posture, "So it's time to stop pretending such."

She snatches my remaining crutch away, toppling me to the floor where I lie like a turtle on it's back, still too shell-shocked by what she's saying to react.

And then, the woman breaks the shaft of the crutch over her knee.

Horrified, I gape at her.

"You will not leave again until I allow you."

It's another few heartbeats before I find my voice.

"No", I croak, "Why? But - You can't -" Desperate tears rise into my eyes, "You can't do this!" My protest is weak, I'm still too aghast at what that woman has just done.

"Of course I can", she replies coldly, snatching my other crutch, the one that is _still whole_ , from the floor and throwing it into the corner opposite my crib, where it clatters to the ground loudly. "I am your mother. It is my responsibility and right to raise you as I determine best."

"But you _aren't_ raising me!", I spit back venomously. _What has she ever done for me?! Nothing!_

Her hand slaps me across the face and I crumble back from where I have half sat up in my angry defiance.

"And for that sacrifice I make, I demand _respect_ from you", that woman hisses down at me.

"You haven't earned any respect!", I yell, choking on a sob, "You haven't done _nothing_ for me!"

With an ugly look that woman plants a foot on my chest and slowly leans her weight on my ribcage, cutting off the tirade that I was just getting into. Her expression is downright murderous and she looks too angry for even words.

"You're", I wheeze, "You're not my mother!" Then I have to fight to get any breath back into my lung. I pant and gasp, fighting against the black encroaching on my vision, but it's a task in futility and not long after, I slip into unconsciousness.

 **-o-**

The next time I wake up it's deep in the night. I spend a long time laying on my back and staring into the darkness, trying to come to terms with the new situation.

That woman had broken one of my crutches. Even if I could get to the other crutch and out of the apartment without her noticing, I wouldn't get anywhere on two useless legs and a stick.

 _What should I do? What_ is _there even to do?_

My thoughts swirl wildly around my head, going in circles and reaching no conclusion while I continue to stare numbly into nothingness.

I can hear that woman's rhythmic breathing, know that she is fast asleep. I could drag myself over to her futon and press her pillow onto her face until the breathings stops. I could smother her and she wouldn't be able to stop me since even with the blown pathways, I have enough control over my chakra to enhance my muscles with it. It would hurt, but it is possible. If that woman were to wake up, her struggles wouldn't be enough to stop me from killing her. I could probably even use my trick to disable the fight-or-flight response like I do with the rats. That would be fitting, she's no better than one of those dirty, ugly, vicious beasts.

Sinking into my fantasies, I grant myself the daydream, planning out every detail of how I would and could kill that woman. The scenarios turn more cruel and bloody the longer I ponder them, but I have lost the ability to care about the amount of blood-lust I feel.

In the end, I discard the elaborate schemes. I'm not ready to kill another human being. No matter the violent fantasies, it's not something I could bring myself to do just yet. It leaves me feeling a little bit lighter though. The realization of how _utterly easy_ it would be to end that woman's existence takes away a lot of the fear pressing down on me. If it came down to it, I would survive.

Being able to think clear once again, I start assessing my options. I can't kill her and I can't leave on my own, yet I don't really want to rely on that woman for my future, she has done a terrible job as a parent so far and I hold no delusions of her suddenly becoming competent and reliable in any fashion whatsoever. No, I have to find a way to escape her influence. I need to get away and never come back. But I can't do that while still injured.

My mind wanders to my research, to my rats and the experiments. I doubt that I will be able to continue any time soon.

 _But then again, do I even need to? I already have positive results from the survivors of the first batch._

I spare a thought on the ratio between dead and alive test subjects in that trial run, only three had survived out of ten, one of them only barely, but ultimately discard the doubts. I'm relatively certain that the main crux of the test runs had been my chakra being foreign and having the subtlety of a sledgehammer. The poor control might lead to some damages and discomfort in myself as well, but at least it won't be completely alien to the tissues I push it through.

With a grimace, I decide that I have no other option than to try it. I would have anyway, after a second and maybe third test run just to be sure, just not so soon. However, I am mostly certain that my research so far has been thorough enough that I won't do myself harm with the treatment. Or make my condition much worse than it already is.

So decided, I decide on the burst pathway near the left hip as my first target. Even if I mess this up, the leg is a hopeless case without treatment anyway. After very carefully mapping out the tissues around the injured vessel by examining it with a thin cloud of passive inquisitive chakra, I decide on a route through a patch of connective tissue and along a muscle to hopefully turn into a minor pathway.

When I delicately trail a tendril of unspecified chakra along the intended path, my leg twitches harder than it has in all the months since I woke up from the coma. It's both uplifting to see that it is still whole enough to move even after all that time and incredibly painful as I lose control of the chakra and it dissipates into the tissue causing a cramp.

A soft grunt escapes me, but I already forming a new tendril. It's all or nothing.

 **-o-**

"If you want to eat, come here."

Looking up at that woman with exhausted drooping eyes, I blink a few times before the meaning of her words sinks in. The fact that she addresses me at all is a surprise, but I don't have the energy to spare for wondering why she suddenly deems it necessary to feed me. Instead of turning my head over the paradox of that woman being caring, I crawl over the floor toward the corner where she sits in seiza on one of the seating cushions. Absently, I note how unnaturally prim and straight her pose is and how she looks down her nose at me, but I spare the observation no thought, just continue to drag myself over to her position.

"Sit properly", that woman demands when I sit up in a disorganized slouch. Without much thought, I grab my angle and pull a leg under my butt wile leaning to the other side, then repeating the process until I'm kneeling instead of sitting comfortably. That woman whacks the side of my thigh and I obediently shift my legs so that they are pressed together with the knees closed.

"Straighten your feet!" comes the command and with a slight grimace, I lay the top of my feet properly onto the floor and sit on my heels. The tension hurts. It hurts quite a lot, actually. Strained and tired muscles pull and the sores deep inside stretch painfully, but I know that the new, very thin and not yet functional pathways are flexible enough to withstand the strain.

My face settles back into the blank expression of utter exhaustion and I laboriously straighten my back and pull back my shoulders to sit as primly as that woman demands. The only part of my body that remains halfway relaxed is the neck, since I don't bother to lift the head, instead staring into the middle distance and only occasionally focusing on the worn down floorboards of the flat.

For a seemingly endless long time, we sit silently, that woman finishing her meal while I ignore anything and everything around me.

It has been almost two weeks since I've last slept.

The human body is not made for that kind of stress, but chakra allows for inhuman feats. Staying awake for such long periods has its side effects though, which is why even shinobi generally avoid situations in which they need to make use of their energy in such ways. For one, the most obvious downside and reason why it's only seldom used on missions, chakra regeneration all but stops around the thirty-six hour mark.

Another side effect is the mental deterioration that really kicks in at about the same time. I do not recommend trying to invigorate yourself by cycling more chakra through the brain, the result is like you mixed a too strong caffeine rush with a massive hangover. The first time I tried that, I lost the meagre contents of my stomach to the floorboards and then had to scrub the mess away quickly while dizzy and miserably sick. It didn't stop me from trying a second time though. Or a third. Only thinking about the results make me vaguely queasy.

That woman holds a bowl of rice out into my personal space, drawing my attention. "Eat!"

With slow movements stemming from bone-deep exhaustion and aching sores, I take possession of the bowl before shifting it to rest in my left hand while I take control of the offered pair of chopsticks with the right.

I'm about to lower the chopsticks into the dish, when that woman slaps my hand at which the utensils slip from my weak grip and clatter to the ground with more noise than they have any right to.

"Eat properly", that woman specifies. "Grip them at three-quarters length, place one between pointer and middle finger, the other between thumb and pointer. It's high time that you learn some manners."

For the longest time I stare at her without moving to pick up the chopsticks. Finally she loses what little patience she has and whacks me over the head with enough force to make me bow. After I straighten, I keep on staring at her until my exhausted mind has gathered enough momentum to actually translate into spoken words.

"Why do you care?", I drawl blandly, too tired for any inflection.

That woman purses her lips and whacks me again for good measure. This time I reach for the eating utensils, grabbing them like she instructed even if it feels alien and takes more than a little fumbling. Meanwhile, she actually deigns to answer me.

"You have to be decently presentable before I take you out to introduce you to any okiya."

Surprised I lift my gaze to observe her, blinking heavily. "Okiya?", I ask dazedly. _Why would she take me to a traditional tea house?_ That woman whacks me once more, which is not helping to clear my clouded mind. "Don't talk back", she snaps, but elaborates nonetheless, "You're a too old to be accepted as a maiko in the more distinguished okiya, but there is a chance one of the smaller ones might be interested."

 _Oh_ , I absently thin while lifting a clump of sticky rice to my mouth and chewing slowly, _of course. Okiya is a geisha house and not a tea house._

Working my jaw methodically, I stare at the food in the bowl. My stomach rumbles hungrily but I note it only lackadaisically.

 _So she wants to pawn me off to an okiya mother. To become a geisha._ I swallow and fumble to grab another clump of rice. _It could be worse, probably._ Just after the thought finished forming, that woman goes to validate the unspoken apprehension.

"And if none of them want you, then some flower house or another will take you." Grabbing my chin, that woman tilts my head back and forth to look at my lax face from different angles. "If there is any justice in the world you'll look decently pretty. I might even get a good price if you catch an eye or two."

She drops her hand and I stare at the bit of rice I could easily pick up with the chopsticks even hindered by the awkward way I'm holding them. My brow furrows as I switch mental tracks and think over what that woman just said. _Flower houses is an euphemism for brothel_ , my mind supplies and it's a titbit of information I picked up years ago during one of my jaunts to explore Konoha but never thought would relate to me.

I take much longer to process that than I should need. _I shouldn't really be surprised at this point, should I?_

It's not like I look down on entertainers such as geisha or even those that cater to the more basic instincts of human nature like the flower girls -another, quite unimaginative euphemism. But I can't picture myself as either. Not when I find the traditional dances and songs to be much too uptight and boring. Not when I am not even on the cusp of puberty and never even had a mentionable sex drive in the Before. Not that that woman would care about my wants and wishes.

My brow furrows and I look up to that woman again. I squint, thinking. "Who would want a cripple as a flower girl? It doesn't make for a very exciting experience when one participant can barely move."

That woman eyes me, her eyes squinting as hard as mine. She looks vaguely suspicious and seems to be puzzling over something. Then she scoffs. "There is enough paranoid shinobi that prefer their bed partners to be incapable of wielding a weapon."

Vaguely I wonder how she came to know that, but in the end, I don't care. I abide to her lessons in table manners and proper posture, then I listen to her reciting poems and talking about social etiquette with barely enough attention to answer her control questions.

It becomes normal for that woman to spend the evenings on beating an education she deems appropriate into me. I endure with the assurance that no matter how long it takes for that woman to scrape together enough savings for a proper kimono to present me in, I will be gone before she gets to sell me off.

In the following months, I sleep little but make a lot of progress in creating new pathways to circumvent the ruptured and burst vessels. By the time I'm well enough to take my meagre belongings and walk out of the flat for the final time, I've lost more weight than is healthy, judging by the skeletal quality of my hands, and am on the brink of total chakra exhaustion, but around each injury to my chakra coils is a snarl of thin vessels providing relief to the damaged tissues around the leaks by redirecting the chakra flow.

I leave the apartment on my remaining crutch, not because I'm not ablewalk on my own two legs but because I am too exhausted to bother. My new freedom tastes sweet but my emotions are dulled by fatigue.

There is still a month until the end-of-the-year exams to get into shape again. The weather is warm and forgiving, inviting to stay outside which is what I plan to do and I am sure that I can find a dumpster or two with a bountiful meal consisting of something other than bland rice and empty greens. Maybe I will even try fishing in the Naka river once I have the energy to spare.

A tired smile steals onto my lips. It can only get better from here.


	11. Reclaiming Freedom

AN: Moi moi, dear readers. Peruna here. And _wow_ , this chapter did not want to be written. I had more than one point where I just didn't want to continue working on this anymore. Which could also be caused by exorbitant _leng_ _th_ of this chapter! With about 13000 words dry, it's almost double the length of my normal updates. But at last it finally includes everything I wanted it to.

Aanywho, big thanks again to TheCauldron and coooooookie77 for letting me spoiler you and for your feedback in my plot development.

Onto community service! _Thank you_ to _all_ my lovely reviewers. You guys are the best and it always makes my day to scroll through the review section and read your comments. And I'm excited to say that this fanfiction has already 17000 hits, and isn't that crazy and amazing? I would never have thought that so many wonderful people would be interested in my writing. So _thank you_ to everybody that reads and has favourited or is following this story, this community and this project is just about the only thing bringing me joy right now. I'm very thankful to have that. ... Anyway, enough waxing! Let's get this started!

To _I'm a G_ _uest_ : I don't know why either. *whistles innocently*

To **_Xalmtris_** : Thanks for taking the time to list all the things you liked, that was neat :) There will be lots of Hikari-Kakashi interactions and many of them will be more than a little awkward on Kakashi's behalf, although that shouldn't surprise anyone at this point :P

To _Guest_ : Yeah, I'll admit to kind of skippind the formation of her new pathways but I felt like the story needed a change of pace and badly. There will be time in the future to explore the process further, just not in such a desperate setting. I'm glad I could tickle your empathy a bit with the last chapter, it's always such an achievement when you can get your reader to experience the emotion of the character to such an extent.

To **_time-twilight_** : Home is where the heart is, no? But yes, Hikari is effectively homeless now.

To **_TheOne320_** : I'm a big fan of perspective driven conflict, meaning that the "evil villain" has his reasons for his actions. It's partly why I chose this fanfiction to be portrayed from Hikari's narrative. Sure, Hikari doesn't know the motivation of many other characters but I do, so even unexplained behaviour usually has a reason behind it, it's just not included here because Hikari doesn't know what's going on. Like the reason why Itachi acts OOC around her.

To _NobodyInParticlr_ : I can understand the reason why you don't like _A_ _mazing Grace_ much, but it's a song that a majority of people will know and associate some kind of feeling with, making it a good choice to connect with the audience ... which is probably why it's a little overused in pop culture. It works though, at least **_yankey_** reviewed that he really liked the scene thanks to the song.

To **_yankey_** : Ah, if it isn't my favourite Spanish (speaking) reviewer! I love reading your reviews, you always catch onto things I want the reader to notice without outright stating it. Yes, Hikari hasn't actually _healed_ her pathways, but she has a workable solution for now ;) And yes, when Kakashi finally finds out about his true relationship to Hikari it will be a soap opera of truly _epic_ proportions. It will do nothing good forbhis guilt complex

To **_Dalilt_** : Indeed, months passed. Three months to be more specific. Spot on prediction of Itachi's reaction there as well. Gai obviously did not make the connection between himself and Hikari's disappearance, why would he? In his eyes nothing actually bad happened except for Hikari's freak out and as sad as it is: That's not an uncommon reaction he gets.

To **_Zeivira_** : Hello Argentina, glad to have you on board! I kinda love how international this website is :D I think, I've explained in an AN before, but Itachi would _never_ take someone he considers dear to him with on his escape from the village. Even if they wanted to come with him. Alone to be associated with him after the massacre would be a death sentence that he wouldn't want to put on his friends.

 **I do not own Naruto.**

 **11**

I try to keep out of sight, using back roads and alleys and hurrying as much as I can in my exhausted state when crossing larger streets. Like so many times before, the willingness of Konoha's citizens to overlook the misery around them, to turn their heads the other way when encountering proof of neglect and injustice, helps me to get around larger gatherings. Knowing that I make for a memorable sight nonetheless, I aim to reach my alleyway as soon as possible and hide under the notice-me-not genjutsu.

I want to avoid anybody knowing where to find me and potentially telling that woman if she comes looking. I need to get my bearings, put on some weight, regain a little of my strength, build up my left leg into working order, before I can face her again. I'll need to be strong enough to keep myself out of her grasp if she were to decide that she wants to drag be back.

Even though I am focused on nothing but reaching the alley, I almost run right by it. Even though I have come here a thousand times, I can't quite decide if it is this one or maybe the next one over. I would know the way blindfolded and deaf and yet my gaze slides right from the restaurant on the right to the convenience store on the left like the alley doesn't actually exist.

I guess that's the notice-me-not genjutsu but I can't remember it ever affecting me before.

 _Maybe it's just because I'm too tired to fight it off._

Decisively I shamble along the front of the restaurant, to the edge of the building and round the corner. Just before I enter the alley a strong urge to turn around and just keep walking tries to overcome me, but I already know that it's not my own thoughts that tell me ' _There's nothing here, better look somewhere else._ '

Once I step into the alley properly, all the overwhelming doubts of it being _my_ alley fall away and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. The tension bleeds out of me and like my strings are cut, I slump down and curl up against the wall to rest, knowing that if _I_ had problems seeking out this place most other people will have them too. I'm almost glad that Itachi is such a prodigy since it means that I can trust his genjutsu to protect me.

As soon as I hit the horizontal, I'm out, my body finally relaxing and my mind stilling in blissful unconsciousness.

 **-o-**

I sleep the sleep of the dead for as little as a few hours or as much as a few days, I honestly don't know since I'm not disturbed in taking my much needed rest.

When I come to again, it's the middle of the day, shortly after noon if the position of the sun is anything to go by, and I am parched. The inside of my mouth feels about as dry as the deserts of Kaze no Kuni and my throat feels scratchy and raw. I need a drink, badly.

Blearily I sit up, rubbing the crust from my eyes and accidentally poking myself with the uncoordinated movement. I look at my hands and frown. They are bony and thin, the knuckles standing out sharply against straight fingers and when I ball them into fists the joints catch and creak like rusty door hinges in need of a little oil.

Letting my gaze wander over the pointy wrist and up the arms, what I see only solidifies my assessment that I am horribly underweight. Bones and muscles stand out starkly under a thin layer of skin, giving off a look like an animated skeleton put on a Halloween costume to pass as a human.

Fittingly for my thoughts, my insides clench with the need for food. My stomach has stopped rumbling noisily long ago and feeling hungry isn't so much a feeling as a deep-seated pain in my gut. And since I am very used to ignoring pain it never really bothered me all that much in the last weeks, distracted with my chakra manipulations and sleep deprivation as I was.

Now, however, I have the time and freedom to follow the demands of my body. So I stand up, using the wall as a support when my legs shake. Only then do I take a moment to actually register in my surroundings.

The alley is still and shadowed, there is none of the scurrying or scratching or squeaking I had started to associate with _my_ alleyway.

Ever since those ballsy rats had settled here, there was always some rodent or other slinking around. Even after Itachi had captured most of the population and put them into cages for my experiments there had been some free ones roaming in the shadowed corners of the alley, not bothered by the fact that its caged brethren were the living reminder that doing so was a bad idea.

Now though, it seemed like every critter in all of Konoha has gotten the memo, because there is nothing, _nothing_ , moving. No signs of life, whatsoever. It's unsettling.

Warily I creep deeper into the alley. My eyes have a hard time focusing on the shadowed end, where a wooden wall cuts off the alleyway from the road that's on the other side. I'm not quite sure why I have problems seeing, but it might be a combination of them being far too dry, my clumsy poking and he fact they haven't really been used for a few months. Turns out that being cooped up in a dark one-room apartment with nothing to look at but the walls for several months and spending most of that time with your eyes closed and concentrated on your insides doesn't really do much good to your eyesight. But I'm pretty sure that's not a permanent problem, more of a temporary nuisance.

I'm thrown off my musings when directly in front of me the back door to the restaurant bangs open and a kitchen hand heaving a trash bin emerges. Reeling back a little from surprise, I watch as the young man approaches the dumpster with single-minded focus, empties the bin and re-enters the building once again without looking around once or even noticing me despite passing right by not even a metre from my position. The door slams shut again and I blink at it stupidly.

 _Is that part of the notice-me-not genjutsu?_ , I wonder and, curious, lay my hand against the wooden door. And apparently it is, since I can feel a brush of Itachi's familiar chakra signature in the door. Not wanting to disturb whatever jutsu clings to the entrance, I decide to leave it for now and investigate it when I'm feeling better and have a bit more chakra running through my system.

Sadly, while my nap has been enough to make me feel a little more like a living human being, it had done little in the way of chakra regeneration. I'm still running dry in that sense, which might be either because the nap wasn't long enough or my body not having the energy to produce any surplus chakra to fill my reserves since it's currently struggling to survive at all.

It's no large concern right now, since I have other things to do that don't involve using chakra. What those activities _do_ involve is a large dumpster, the fresh waste in it and transferring whatever might be edible from it into my empty stomach.

I'm not proud of the way I fall onto the sustenance like a starving dog, stuffing myself without hesitation or much care of what I'm taking in as long as it doesn't smell off-putting. In the end, a whole different kind of stomach pain stops the feeding frenzy I've fallen into and I look down on the half-eaten skeleton of a fish I'm holding.

... _I can't believe I just ate the head of that fish._

Pulling a face at the idea of chewing on the brain and eyes of a fish, I drop the rest of the skeleton and climb out of the dumpster and furtively try to wipe my hands clean on the back of my shirt. My stomach hurts from over-extending but I feel better than I have for a long time as I weakly shake my arms out. Then I head to the back of the alley, dreading the sight that might greet me.

There is no surprise that the rats are dead. What is a little disturbing is that the ground underneath the two large cages is caked with old stains that suspiciously look and smell like old blood. The remains (mostly skeletons and patches of fur at this point) are weirdly scattered around the enclosures, only about three or four intact rat corpses remaining. On closer inspection, those seem to be the freshest ones, looking like they might have only died a few weeks ago instead of the two months I would have expected in the least. I have, after all, not checked in on them for just over three months and I can't imagine that rats could survive more than two weeks without sustenance.

... But then again, there had still been a lot of rats in both cages respectively. And I _have_ observed cannibalistic behaviour in them before ...

I shudder at the thought. What a horrible way to die. I would never have willingly subjected my volunteers to a scenario where they had to kill and eat each other to survive. I'm not _that_ cruel. But it's good to know how they seemed to have reacted anyway.

All in all, the display of dead remains of my rats in their cages isn't really surprising, though. No, surprising are two very different details.

First, the mesh of two smaller cages has been gnawed through which I would have thought impossible if not for the tangible proof in front of me. Then I remember those two cages housing Lizzy and the other test subject that survived and successfully developed a new pathway. _Did the experiments make them stronger somehow?_ I can't really imagine it, since the experiment had, without fail, such decisively negative effects on all its subjects, but then again, messing with chakra does sometimes result in unexpected and extreme outcomes.

Second, on top of the larger cages is a pile of scrolls and loose papers that I can't remember being there the last time I was here. Confused and a little suspicious, I reach for one of the loose papers on top. When nothing explodes and the paper doesn't grow teeth to bite me, I pull it close and inspect it. Like I half expected, it's a message of some sort. There is a short note in beautiful calligraphy, clearly written in haste but still neater than my haphazard handwriting ever was.

' _You weren't here again. I'm worried._ '

There is no signature on the note, but I can say with certainty that Itachi was the author. He's the only one that ever really worries about me and even if the note isn't addressed it's pretty obvious that I'm the intended recipient.

My heart is doing funny things in my chest and my eyes sting in a way that tells me I'd be crying if I wasn't so dehydrated. So, both to distract myself from the clenching feeling in my chest and to sate my curiosity at once, I grab another note.

' _Back from the mission. You're still not here. Can't come again for another three weeks estimated. Left some more supplies should you need them._ '

I furrow my brow, concerned. _So Itachi has been going on longer missions now. That can't be good._

 _I hope he's okay._

 _And what does he mean, "Left more supplies"?_

Picking up one of the scrolls from the pile, I open the simple clasp on the side and unfurl it. There are foreign designs and symbols painted in circles around singular Kanji in a pattern that repeats itself over and over again the more of the scroll I open.

I'm not a _hundred_ percent sure that I know what they are and what their purpose is, but I would make an educated guess that this scroll contains storage seals. And judging from the Kanji I can easily distinguish from the symbols I'm not familiar with, it seems that his scroll contains everything from a bento box and water bottles, to emergency rations and soldier and food pills, to shuriken and kunai and ninja wire.

 _Left some supplies indeed. What on earth was Itachi thinking?_

Shaking my head incredulously I roll up the scroll again and secure the flap with the latch before putting it to the side. If all of these scrolls are filled with storage seals, Itachi left a fortune in supplies and, more importantly, _extremely expensive fuinjutsu_ here for me.

What _on earth_ _was he_ thinking

 _I need to get to the bottom of this._

... _Literally._

With trembling hands, I dig through the pile, separating the notes and carefully setting the scrolls aside, knowing how very, _very_ valuable they are. Once I get to the note at the very bottom, I start to read them, trying to put them into the correct order.

' _I haven't seen you for a while. The last few times I looked for you, you weren't here. The rats look like they haven't been fed, some of them are dead already. Where have you been? I won't be around for a while, but I will leave a scroll with supplies in case you're in trouble and need them. For that eventuality I have also strengthened the genjutsu on this place so that you may hide here if pursued. The scroll contains food and water as well as first aid supplies. To unseal them from the storage seals you need to channel a little chakra into the scroll, the same process is used to reseal items. I hope you are alright._ '

That's the first note, the one at the very bottom. Another one reads:

' _It's been nearly two months since our last meeting. I'm not in the village a lot, but when I'm here I can't find you. Are you in trouble? I left another scroll with supplies, I hope you can make use of them._ '

The messages seem to get more frantic and desperate with every one I read and I feel incredibly bad for worrying Itachi so much. It's irrational that I feel guilty for not being here, for not showing any signs of life, but I can't help it. My insides twist and turn when the fear and desperation colouring the subtext of the little letters switches to a resigned overtone in the increasingly short messages and I know that at some point Itachi gave up on seeing me again. I don't know whether he believes that I'm dead or that I ran away or something else, but he seems to think that I am no longer in Konoha.

In more than one message he asks where I am or what happened to me, which is irrational to put into a letter to leave at a stationary location, but somehow I doubt that all the notes and scrolls full of supplies are actually a result of thoughtful deliberation. It seems to me like this whole ... _thing_ is more of a way to combat the helpless impotence he's feeling over not knowing what happened and not being able to do anything. It's like he's made this place a shrine to me and the excess of supplies are his offerings.

The thought makes cold shivers run down my spine and I shake my head in a futile attempt to dislodge the creepy feeling that settles in the tension of my shoulders.

 _I'm not dead. Not anymore. I'm Hikari and Hikari is not dead. This is not a shrine in memory of me. Itachi just freaked out. I'll see him soon and then the misunderstanding will be cleared up._

With great care I pile the notes together and put them into one of my notebooks that I brought with me as part of the possessions I liberated from the flat. Then I put the book back into the bag I carried it in.

Remembering how thirsty I am and the fact that there should be water in these storage scrolls, I pull one open and search for the Kanji of "canteen" or "water bottle". It doesn't even take a minute before I find a seal that should fit my needs. I check my reserves and find that I have barely any chakra to use freely without kicking myself into full on chakra deprivation. Hoping that it will be enough, I lay my palm on the seal and push chakra into it.

Thankfully it only takes a very small shove of chakra before a large jug of water appears in a puff of smoke. I chuckle tiredly at the comically oversized container that reminds me more of the gallon jugs I remember commonly used in the USA in the Before than the handier bottles sold in the convenience stores here.

With shaky hands I unscrew the cap of the jug and lift it in order to drink. It's heavy and my arms tremble so hard that I spill some of the water over myself, but most of it still lands in my mouth and I greedily swallow a few mouthfuls before having to stop because my stomach starts hurting even more from the additional content I'm forcing into it. I'm pretty sure that I'll puke if I push myself any harder, so I set the jug down and screw the top closed again.

Then I yawn and sit back against a wall, lazily roll and clasp the storage scroll again, before slipping into slumber yet again. This time it's with a feeling of contentment as I'm filled to the brim with food and water and won't have to worry about any intrusion all thanks to Itachi. I still feel bad and I know that once I'm fully awake again I'll be worrying about Itachi myself, but right now I need another nap.

 **-o-**

I wake up thirsty again in the evening and after being tired and exhausted still after quenching my thirst, I go back to sleep again. The next morning, I'm awake at sunrise and feeling much better all around. There are no hunger pains or gums gone fuzzy with thirst and my chakra has had enough time to recover a little. It's still dangerously low but now the chakra exhaustion is more manageable.

After the quick check on my condition, I climb to my feet and start stretching like a cat, delighting in the pull of thin muscle and the creaking of joints. Curious I spare a closer look at one skeletal forearm but, naturally, nothing has changed in its appearance except the deeper colour of skin, now swelled with water instead of papery. The colour is a yellowish tone that barely changes when I scratch, very carefully, at a spot above the wrist, so I tentatively diagnose myself with anaemia.

That will probably be an issue for the physical exercises I had planned for today. But I'll just start slowly and try expanding my limits. It won't do to hurt myself all over again for something as petty as a faster recovery. I have to play at being patient if I want to get back to full health. I'm not sure how well I'll do at being patient though ...

Pulling a face, I drop my arm and shake out the limb. It doesn't become any rosier as I had half hoped.

 _Well, better get to it then._

Spending about half an hour trying to replicate the stances I learned at the Academy during the first year, I'm almost embarrassed when the simple exercises leave me a panting, sagging mess. Dropping from a form into a heap on the ground and then spending another thirty minutes trying to regain my breath.

I'm in a pathetic shape and half tempted to get up and push through another set, but restrain myself and instead take careful sips from the still mostly full eater jug. Soon my stomach is full again and sloshing around uncomfortably, so I stop that as well and slowly get up again.

The next hour is spent pacing up and down the length of the alley. Even if it's not a run or even jog, the simple walking tests my endurance. This exercise leaves me feeling tired but also content. Snatching a dried bread roll out of the dumpster and inspecting it closely for maggots or other contaminations, I start nibbling on the food and occasionally taking small sips of water.

Around noon I take another nap and spend the evening the same way I did the morning. The day passes without any outside intervention, excepting the two times a kitchen boy disposes waste into the dumpster. I have a large dinner again, settling down to sleep feeling like I might burst any minute.

The niggling worry that has been poking me the whole day rears its head when I close my eyes and try to fall asleep. I'm afraid for Itachi, that he might get hurt on a mission, either physically or psychologically, I'm not sure which possibility is worse. I'm worried that he's already inside ROOT.

The worst fear, however, is that Itachi might be slaughtering his clan _right this second_ and I wouldn't even know. I'm not sure what I would do if it were the case, but I'm not ready to lose him to the life of a missing nin.

There is nothing I can do about my fears, however. I can't leave the alley in the sorry state I'm in and I need to build up my body enough to take the end-of-the-year exams successfully, so I can't waste any time slinking around the entrance of the alley trying to overhear any gossip thrown about. No, if Itachi doesn't actually come here in the month until the exams, I'll have no way to know about his current situation.

That realization does nothing to soothe my worries though, but sleep comes easy even with the negative emotions tearing at my stuffed insides. My body needs all the rest it can get. Unconsciousness greets me with open arms.

 **-o-**

It has become something of a daily morning ritual to check the appearance of my arm in order to ascertain the general state of my body. Not that looking at one limb will give me any accurate data on the others, but I can feel my pulse, look at the colour and quality of the skin, feel the muscles that are only just starting to really gain mass again. But most importantly: It is an indicator of just _how_ skeletal I'm looking, gives an idea as to how emaciated my appearance might be. Since there aren't any mirrors in my alley, it's the best reference point I have.

Today, it looks pretty good. Even if the arm is still painfully thin, you can't spot the hollow between radius and ulna anymore for which I am very, _very_ grateful. It's more of a stick-thin than a bone-thin arm now. Which is good, because I don't want to show up at the Academy as a walking, talking skeleton. That would just get all kinds of attention, none of which I would enjoy having thrust upon me.

I poke the skin, test its feel and the thin layer of fat that had been missing before, before scratching the spot and watching it flush with colour, pleased. My knuckles all bend as they're supposed to when I flex my fingers and my joints don't creak anymore during my morning stretches.

All in all, I'm very satisfied with my progress indeed. The only thing that isn't improving as fast as I want it to is my strength. My muscles work well in concert to each other but haven't greatly increased during the month I've tried to get back to normal. Between all the sites in need of improvement throughout the organism that is me, improving on muscles kind of fell off the back so far.

The issue will probably resolve itself soon enough and until then I'll have to boost my capacities with chakra enhancements. Which is the only way that I'll be able to perform adequately in the physical exams today. _No pressure._

I huff at my train of thought and chomp on a granola bar while stuffing several more into the pockets of my pants. Then I give a final stretch, popping my spine, and leave the alley.

It's very early, the sun barely rising on the horizon, which is really saying something in June, when the days start early and end late. In fact, it's so early that, while even the most dedicated merchants aren't even out and about yet, there are more than enough bar goers stumbling home after a night drinking. Most of them are shinobi, since they're the only ones with a irregular enough schedules to allow for drinking sprees in the middle of the week.

Konoha's civilians aren't really as strict about having Saturday and Sunday as a designated resting period as I remember from the Before, but most people did take their rest day on one of those two, creating the weekend feeling without shops actually being closed. Shinobi have, of course, no given weekly rest days since they can use their time between missions however they want, the only drawback being that you could be pulled away for a mission at any given time unless you were ordered rest.

Since the Academy is for shinobi hopefuls, the students also get very random days off to prepare us for the irregularity of our future jobs ... or maybe that's just Kosaku-sensei putting it however he likes it in order to catch up with friends and comrades that don't have a cosy in-village job. I've spotted him a few times in the village, hanging up with a variety of people. Of course I've religiously avoided him those times, but the sheer size of his social network kind of baffles me. That and the fact that he's yet to get any flak for always switching our rest days up makes me wonder if being a touch stone for busy shinobi isn't part of the job as an Academy instructor. I'm somewhat sure that Iruka also knew a whole bunch of people in canon ... _or was that just fanon?_

Once again I am reminded that I should seriously improve my situational awareness, when somebody seems to just appear out of thin air in front of me. I veer to a stop and look up to a beaming grin, topped by wide excited eyes, over which amazingly bushy eyebrows reside.

It's Maito Gai, forcing himself into my personal space like he has the last two times I've met him. I suppress a glower and instead choose on a blank stare.

"Hello, Beautiful Blossom! I have missed your Sparkle of Youth so dearly!" Gai shouts in a loud voice that no doubt just woke up half the street. I hear more than one muffled swear out of the windows citizens have left open to combat the summer heat.

 _That's their own fault_ , I think with a small amount of Schadenfreude, _what a stupid move to leave your window open. You'd think citizens of a_ shinobi village _would know just how bad an idea that is._

Outwardly I keep a blank expression. "Hello, stranger."

Gai gives a melodramatic gasp and throws an arm over his eyes to pose for a manly cry. "How UnYouthful! We haven't even been introduced! As penance I will run a hundred laps around Konoha! On my HANDS!" And just like that he's back to his usual enthusiastic self, pumping his fist with fire in his eyes. He looks about ready to take off in order to back that declaration up immediately, but catches himself at the last second. I give a near silent sigh. He strikes another overly exaggerated hero pose and without a whisper or warning a genjutsu comes to life around us, giving him a backdrop just as overly dramatic as Gai himself.

Intrigued, I inspect the crashing waves and setting sun catching in the spray, making it glitter.

"I AM KONOHA'S GREAT GREEN BEAST OF PREY!"

The illusion is so _detailed_ and yet so utterly smooth in it's execution. I know that it isn't real, but at the same time I can't find any trace of it in the air around or inside of me.

"MY NAME IS MAITO GAI!"

I decide to go with the standard response to being trapped inside a genjutsu: I flare my chakra, throwing it into momentary disarray to shake off any foreign chakra inside my system. Nothing happens. Then, as if by lag, the illusion dissipates.

"What Is Your Name, Oh Youthful Blossom?"

Cocking my head to the side, I set my gaze back on Gai's face and the considering expression that has snuck onto it. "I'm Hikari, Maito-san."

"WHAT A BEAUTIFUL NAME!", he cries with enthusiasm to which I simply shrug.

"Hikari-chan! I Am Glad To See Your Injury Is Healed!"

I nod, feeling more than a little awkward and nervous at him declaring my personal buisness to all of Konoha.

"Is That Why You Are So Thin?", he asks, still about twenty decibel louder than needed and about a hundred louder than I want him to be.

"No", I bite through clenched teeth, before forcing myself to relax. Gai is a nuisance, apparently he is dead set on making trouble for me, so I'll just have to scare him off. _Well ... not_ scare _him off, I don't think I could ever scare that man. But I need to be off-putting enough for him to leave me alone._ "You always say how beautiful I am and I felt that wasn't justified, so I went on a diet."

Gai looks stricken in his over-the-top fashion, which tells me that he probably hasn't taken that to heart. "HOW UNYOUTHFUL! HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BUILT ANY MUSCLE IF YOU ARE ON A DIET?!", he scream-asks.

With a shrug, I shift my weight onto my right foot. "I heard that muscles aren't pretty on a girl."

"LIES! HIKARI-CHAN, THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING FOR A KUNOICHI IS HER YOUTHFUL DETERMINATION!", he yell-declares and then grabs my hand to start dragging me down the street, "I SHALL SHOW YOU HOW TO TRAIN! WE WILL MAKE YOU MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN ANY OTHER YOUTHFUL BLOSSOM OF KONOHA!"

 _Well, that worked exactly how I planned._

 _Not._

Resistance is futile, so I trot after Gai who takes very long and purposeful strides while he navigates the streets and guides me to a smaller training ground close by. Most training grounds aren't this near to the centre village, but there are a few meant for casual use that don't offer as much space or privacy as the norm.

The one Gai selects is one of those training grounds, dotted with a few training posts and even fewer trees it doesn't have much environmental variety but seems adequate enough for Gai's purposes. He starts straight into a work-out routine that would have had me panting even before the whole mess with my injured pathways came about. Now, it's utterly impossible and I don't even try to live up to Gai's standards since I'm aware that I'll need my strength for the exams later.

That is also the reason I give the man when he gets annoyed at my lacklustre enthusiasm for the work-out. Luckily, he seems to accept he argument and promises me that I'll see him again for another Youthful Training Session! Luckily, that doesn't sound ominous at all.

After Gai is gone, I sit down heavily next to a tree and catch my breath. I still have a little time before the Academy starts but it's not as much as I would have liked. But knowing that I won't need an hour to climb the stairs gives me a better perspective on my time management. I can probably afford to appropriately cool down before heading to school, since it's close by anyway.

Time passes slowly. I watch as the sun climbs further up the sky and listen to the muffled sounds of the streets waking up. It's quite peaceful as long as it lasts, but soon enough I can hear a group of upperclassmen approaching, using their day off to prepare for their final exam next week.

So I get up and saunter off before they can really register my presence. The only reason I'm able to evade them unnoticed is because they're yelling at and joking with each other quite loudly and I faintly wonder at what point they'll have to rethink their behaviour.

 _Sometime after they first get ambushed on a mission_ , I reckon. _It's not really a good survival trait for a ninja to be easily noticeable._

It's not really my problem if their attitude will cause them grief later, so I dismiss the line of thought, setting my mind adrift as I stroll down the slightly livelier street towards the Academy. I'm half tempted to slouch like Benjiro would, just because I am moving with as much outward enthusiasm as he usually is. Ultimately, I don't imitate his posture, since after about half a year of hanging in crutches and another quarter spent crawling around pathetically, I enjoy the freedom to stand up straight too much to cut back on it.

I haven't seen the Nara for a while now, I kind of miss his utterly lazy attitude. Faintly, I wonder if he's noticed my absence. Sure, I probably don't matter much to him, but Naras _are_ known to take note of details like that.

Shaking the thought off as silly, I linger to watch a merchant set up his storefront to pass a little time. Soon enough the man spots me though and shoos me off with suspiciously narrowed eyes.

 _Guess he still recognises me_... It's one of those shops I have never quite been caught stealing at but always been suspected a thief. The owner has good instincts but bad eyes, so I don't begrudge him that attitude. Especially since I _did_ steal from him on more than one occasion.

So I carry on at the approximate pace of a geriatric snail. The reason I'm killing time before getting to the Academy is that I want to try slipping into the classroom with the crush of excited students and hopefully avoid drawing any attention to my presence until the roll call. But that means I still have ten minutes to waste on a trip that would take about two, what with the Academy gate already in sight.

While I'm strolling slowly, more and more children start passing me while making for the Academy entrance and I mentally pat myself on the back for my good timing when all too soon I'm surrounded on all sides by students. I pick up my pace to match the crowd and follow the flow of excited and nervous kids up the staircase.

By the time I reach the third floor and the correct hallway, the crowd has thinned considerably but there are still enough of my yearmates bustling about that I can remain indistinct among them. Behind me, I can hear Una's posse nervously chattering and slow my steps enough for them to overtake me just as we're entering our homeroom.

Just as planned, no-one takes notice of me and I quickly take my place at the back of the room. It's laughable how inattentive people can be. Just like the upperclassmen earlier, my peers are too distracted by themselves to question their surroundings. And just like earlier, I don't give a flying fuck whether or not that will result in a painful situation for them later on.

 _Maybe I shouldn't be so callous, but I really just don't care._

The moment that thought flies through my head, a spiky mop of black hair slips through the doorway and I begrudgingly admit that there is one person I wouldn't want to be hurt by such stupidity. Not that I have to worry about him falling into the trap of inattention because after taking only a handful steps into the classroom, Benjiro spots me. He halts, eyes widening, clearly surprised, before his expression morphs into something I can't quite decipher.

"Hurry up, Benjiro-kun, I want to start the roll call."

At Kosaku-sensei's admonishment, Benjiro ambles up the steps as if he'd noted nothing out of the ordinary and hadn't been standing dumbstruck just seconds before. As soon as he reaches his desk at the back, the Nara flops down and drops his head onto folded arms, looking even lazier than I remember of him.

Sensei only sighs and shakes his head before starting to read out the list of students registered for the exams this year. I should be on that list, since I'm pretty sure that woman didn't go through the effort of formally pulling me out of the Academy.

Just a few names in, I spot movement from the corner of my eye and turn left to where Benjiro sits across the aisle. He has turned his head, seemingly to better snuggle into the crook of his elbow, but is watching me intently. There is nothing apathetic about his expression now, with his eyes wide open and his brow furrowed with a slight downward tilt to the half-opened lips.

It's almost amusing that the seemingly unflappable Nara seems so befuddled by my presence. His emotions clearly swing between disbelieving, awed and puzzled and while struggling to settle on one of those he simply stares. And stares. His dark eyes both piercing and searching while slightly glazed. Okay, it's pretty darn funny. I can barely hold back my snickers.

 _Why is it such a big shock to him? Sure, he probably noted my absence but I have only been at the Academy pretty scarcely throughout all of this year, so it shouldn't throw him off that hard if I only appear in random intervals._

My wondering is interrupted by Kosaku-sensei calling out my name. "Here", I call loud and clear while fixing my gaze back to the front of the room. The room that has suddenly become very, very silent. You might hear a pin drop in the silence as just about everyone turns to look at me. I'm a little bewildered by the reaction but choose to ignore my classmates in favour of observing Sensei's incredulous face.

"Hikari-chan", he finally breaks the eerie quiet. He seems to be debating whether or not to ask questions. But he just defaults to the usual ignorance for anything unusual about me. "I'm glad you could join us today" is all he has to say about my presence in his classroom before proceeding to call the class to order and continuing the roll call. Even still, my curious peers aren't the only ones sneaking glances in my direction, although they are far worse at it than the Chuunin.

When he is done and has confirmed the attendance of every child listed, Kosaku-sensei distributes the first written test and gives us a time limit of thirty minutes. Then he unceremoniously tells us that getting caught cheating will result in a failure for the subject and calls for us to start.

I flip the first of about a dozen papers stapled together. It's numbers. _There is about ten problems on this page ..._ I flip quickly through the other pages but it's about the same there. _Around a hundred problems for thirty minutes? Is he insane?_

Hastily, I go back to the start and begin to furiously work myself through every question. They're not _hard_ problems, all pretty simple mathematics with only basic physical applications, but there's _so many of them!_ Time flies by, too quickly for comfort as I chew through the problems as if my life depends on it. And in a way it does. I'm quite certain that my physical scores will be underwhelming at best, so I need to balance that out with good theoretical marks.

I'm on the last page when Kosaku-sensei calls us to a stop and rips the test papers out from under our fingers faster than we can see. Left staring at my empty desktop with my pen raised, I can only blink dumbly a few times before reorienting myself and putting down the writing utensil. My hand shakes lightly. I ignore it.

During the short break we get, I lean back on the bench to loosen my stiff shoulders a little and survey the room. Most of my classmates are chatting nervously or moan and whine about the difficulty of the test. There's a lot of anxious energy to go around and I can very well understand them, the numbers exam was uncomfortably intense.

A notable exception from the jittery atmosphere is Benjiro who has resumed to lie on his desk with his head cushioned on his folded arms and face turned towards me. By now his face has settled back into his usual sleepy expression with only his brow slightly furrowed. I eye him while he watches me, neither of us saying anything.

Before long Kosaku-sensei calls the class to order and starts giving out the next exam. This time we have ninety minutes, which corresponds to the thickness of the exam papers. When we get the signal to start, I flip through it again, trying to assess whether this should be rushed as well.

The exam is a combination between tactics, shinobi conduct, cyphers and jutsu theory as far as I can tell. I'm not sure whether they mashed all the remaining theoretical subjects together to save time or if it's actually because they want to test our understanding of the curriculum. Either way, it makes for some very interesting problems. I fly through the easier questions which are basically just reciting the lesson material and settle on a more elaborately presented problem.

' _You are stationed at a border outpost with a four-man-cell, when you receive a carrier hawk carrying following encrypted message "_ _[...]". What is the best course of action in this situation?_ '

I chew a while on the cypher used and consult the crude map drawn to show the immediate surroundings of the hypothetical checkpoint. The coded message gives intelligence on a pair of Nukenin, both C-ranked threats, expected to try crossing the border close to the checkpoint within the next two days. The map shows the checkpoint being hidden in a stretch of forest about a mile from the border, as well as a ridge and a river in close proximity.

My decision has to be whether or not to send for back-up. A four-man-cell at a border post is a Chuunin and three Genin during peace times in a frequented but not combat intense area. C-ranked Nukenin can be compared to mid-Chuunin level of a village bound shinobi. Nukenin are not known to fight well together unless they have a personal history, which isn't indicated so I will assume the higher probability of bad cohesion between them.

 _Can three Genin overpower a Chuunin-level opponent?_ _The general consensus in the textbooks for basic tactics state that a three-man-team of Genin can hold their own against a Jounin even, so I'll put that down as a yes_.

I write down my suggested patrol schedule, three different but somewhat similar battle plans for the three likely battlefields, include a short reasoning for why I don't think traps will be a feasible option and continue to the next problem. This is quite fun. I'm enjoying the amount of thought that has to go into these answers.

' _During battle against a group of Nukenin, your teammate stumbles towards you severely wounded and bleeding from a cut along his shoulder._..' Very helpfully there is a sketch of a teenager in an indistinct outfit dragging himself forward while bleeding profusely.

Some part of me scowls at how distasteful it is to show something like that to a class of young children, while another simply analyses the picture, looking for clues indicating foul play. After about a second, I spot that while the pictured boy bleeds from a slash on the temple his hair isn't as sticky and mussed as one would expect.

Inconsistencies tend to be caused by genjutsu. In cases when there are inconsistencies in the hairstyle and clothing of a subjects back, it's likely that the enemy uses a henge to disguise themselves.

I skim through the rest of the question, it asks about my next action, and put down that I attack with ranged weapons such as kunai and shuriken, since I don't know what exactly the enemy is planning and it's a better option to just foil whatever it is by not letting my opponent come close.

With that done, I turn to the next question. Again, the time flies by while I'm immersed in the exam. This time it's not because of the pressure to perform but the borderline _fun_ I'm having at applying my knowledge to more and more complex hypothetical situations. Almost disappointed I watch the paper being yanked from my desk after Kosaku-sensei calls us to a stop. He instructs us to get up and make our way to the target range for the bukijutsu exams, before disappearing out the door with a stack of paper taller than himself. I would laugh at the comic hilarity of that picture, but I'm kind of impressed that he can pull it off so easily. Sometimes it's hard to remember that Sensei _is_ in fact a fully trained shinobi.

Left to our own devices, most of my peers instantly get up and congregate in their preferred groupings to talk and discuss the exams on their way out. I hang back, trailing after the majority of the class and keeping myself out of their direct line of sight. Once again, I marvel at the inattention of these kids that are training to become stone-cold killers. Just two hours ago they were mighty interested in my presence and now they have completely forgotten it. But, of course, there is once again an exception.

Benjiro sidles up to me, matching my pace with languid steps. He watches me sidelong for a while, his gaze catching on my easy gait before trailing up to look me in the face. I turn to him and raise an eyebrow. "Yes, _Ben Ten_? I'm fine, thank you, how are you?"

"You look fine", he drawls and I have to suppress a snicker at the flash of some movie bad boy eyeing up the sexy lady that briefly flares up in my memory. _No, brain! That's not what he meant._ Luckily, Benjiro continues after only a brief pause, distracting me from stupid, _massively outdated_ pop-culture influences.

"You found a cure then?", he questions and there is definitly a glint of _something_ in his eyes at that, although I'm not quite sure, what it is.

"The problem is dealt with", I shrug.

Benjiro narrows his eyes only just slightly. "Is that why you didn't come to classes anymore?"

"I was focussing on my solution", I deflect. His eyes narrow a little more.

"And why couldn't you be found anywhere?"

I throw a look at the Nara walking beside me. The twinkle in his eyes has vanished and now they look somewhat flinty with how he narrows them. "Were you looking for me?" I grin teasingly, "Are you my secret admirer?"

There is a moment where his eyes widen and he leans away from me almost imperceptibly, then his brow furrows deeper. "Not likely", he scoffs, though it doesn't seem very harsh, more defensive.

 _Is he ... Is he embarrassed?_ My grin widens. _Oh, woe the little boys, because even the suggestion of having a crush is embarrassing._ I shake my head and laugh a little.

If Benjiro wasn't a Nara, I'd almost say he looks indignant but he is too lazy to pull that expression off. Then however, he does something I didn't expect him to. His eyes wander down my face and stay there. I have seen Itachi do that too many times to not know that he's looking at my mouth.

Instantly I drop my grin and close my lips. All of my teeth have grown back by now, and I've exchanged a lot of other milk teeth for their permanent counterparts, but there must have been _something_ wrong with them to catch Benjiro's interest. At my reaction, he frowns slightly, looking uncomfortably like he's found a new piece to a puzzle. I don't want him to figure anything out, now it doesn't matter anymore anyway, I don't want him to see how ... _weak_...

With a scowl, I stomp forward, shaking my head and pushing balled fists into my pockets. We're outside now, following the mass of our classmates to the range at the back of the Academy.

After a few steps, Benjiro catches up to me and walks beside me again. Thankfully he's not scrutinizing me anymore, I don't think I could take more of that. Instead he keeps his gaze forward as he talks.

"Normally, you were just _around_. People would see you, complain about you," I shoot him a sharp look and Benjiro shrugs without meeting my eyes, "Or you would be at the library. You were there _all the time_. And then you just disappeared."

"Well", I wrinkle my nose, annoyed by his persistence when I don't want him to dig deeper, "My neighbour's sister's friend's cat died and every time I saw a cat I was so _sad_." Benjiro shoots me an unconvinced look, which I ignore myself now. "Konoha has many cats, so I didn't leave the house."

"You get sad", the Nara says at length, "when you see a cat ... _any_ cat ... because of your neighbour's sister's friend's cat died?" It's as if he thinks repeating my fib will magically turn it into something that makes sense. _No such luck, buddy._

"It was so tragic", I agree while nodding emphatically. After a moment, I shrug, "I got over it though."

"Ahh." _Yeah, no way he bought that._ _Whatever._

Smoothly, I ignore Benjiro's unhappy expression at being obviously lied to and focus on the congregation of students in front of me. We have arrived at the target range, the one with the six target posts where we were first introduced to bukijutsu and that the class has been using ever since.

Kosaku-sensei is already there sans the test papers, next to him stands another shinobi in the standard Chuunin uniform that looks suspiciously familiar to me. The two talk amongst themselves for a few more minutes that I use to analyse the newcomer and thoroughly ignore that Benjiro is still standing next to me. The Nara, however, isn't one to be ignored if he doesn't want to, so he offers up information that I can't afford _not_ to pay attention to. _Smart move, that._

"That's Umino Iruka-sensei," the boy next to me informs lazily, "He's been helping out Kosaku-sensei occasionally. Next year, he'll get his own class so that's why he's here as a teacher's aide."

"Hmm", I acknowledge. And it's true, now that Benjiro said his name, I can easily remember that spiky Nara-esque brown ponytail and the scar across his nose from the original _Naruto_ series. He was Naruto's teacher or, I guess, _will be_ Uzumaki's teacher. Exactly _how_ that would come to be, I can't remember, but it seems a little counterintuitive since Uzumaki already has a homeroom teacher.

 _If he failed somewhere along the line though, he'd be held back a year. Uzumaki just has to fail ... two times in order to end up in the same class as in the manga._

 _No matter now, though._ "He looks nice enough."

Benjiro makes a noncommittal sound, "He's a push-over. If he doesn't learn some way to get his students' respect by the time he gets his own class they'll walk all over him." I can see how the young Chuunin suddenly stiffens and I'm pretty sure there is some red creeping around the tips of his ears.

"You know, I'm pretty sure he heard that."

There's a yawn next to me. "Maybe. Maybe not. Some genjutsu like the ones Kosaku-sensei uses sometimes would probably a start."

"Pfft. I can't believe you're actually being helpful, _Ben Ten_." At the grin I direct at him, the Nara shrugs and crosses his arms behind his head.

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Sure you don't."

Just then the Chuunin end their conversation and Kosaku-sensei calls us together to explain our next exams. There were two parts of it. First one student would be tested on bukijutsu on the range by Kosaku-sensei himself and then proceed to a verbal exam with Iruka-sensei.

The individual tests were pretty short, but even if every student only took fifteen to twenty minutes to get through the bukijutsu exam and then another fifteen for the verbal tests, with twenty-one cycles that still took most of the day.

When I was called up by Kosaku-sensei, he handed me a pouch filled with ten kunai and shuriken respectively.

"Hit each post at least once. You need at least eight hits to pass. Kunai first."

Nervously, I pull a kunai out of the pouch and weigh it in my hand. I'm surprised when I realize that it's a live kunai, not exactly sharp anymore after all the kids before me used them but not all that dull either. I adjust my grip on the weapon and draw it back.

There is no way that I can throw it the twenty metres between me and the target naturally, thanks to my still rather weak complexion, but there is at least one upside to forcing my body to form new chakra pathways: I have both a good amount of control over and know the effects of chakra moving through muscle tissues. Meaning, that it hardly takes any thought to correctly augment my strength.

My first throw sends the kunai wild, missing the target pose by half a metre and whistling into the fence that surrounds the range where it sticks. Nervously, I grab for the next kunai. This one strikes the post just barely, but it sticks in the wood, no matter how feeble and precarious. The kunai after that strikes a different post, the fourth one also sticking in the edge of the target while the fifth one misses barely. I try to calm my jittery nerves while I work my way through the pouch. Luckily, I manage to somehow embed the remaining kunai in the posts as well, just barely fulfilling the requirements of the test. Kosaku-sensei makes a note on a clipboard.

"Shuriken next, same as before. Hit all posts at least once, you need eight hits at least."

Shuriken are ... not so well for me. I've not had much practise with them before my injury and I haven't had the capacity to actually make up for that in the last month. Sure, I've trained the movements that are required to throw kunai and shuriken but never actually threw the weapons in the cramped environment of the alley. While I still have a good enough memory to remember how to properly handle a kunai, there is almost nothing to fall back onto for shuriken and it shows in the result of my test.

The first throw is way off, same with the second. The third shuriken grazes the target post but doesn't stick, but the fourth one does. Then the fifth and sixth one only barely miss their intended target. The seventh one slips out of my grasp prematurely but actually hits a post left from the one I was aiming at, which ... doesn't quite feel like an achievement. At least the eighth throwing star finds the target it was intended for, even if the last two miss again.

I can't meet Sensei's eyes and face his raised eyebrow. The scratch of his pen against the clipboard sounds almost mocking and I flinch a little when Sensei looks over to the posts before making another note.

"Run and gather the weapons. This is part of the examination so hurry."

He doesn't have to tell me twice, I'm off in a dash towards the first posts. With as much dexterity as I can muster, I pull the kunai from the wood and throw them into the pouch only barely making sure that they rest with the handle upwards since these are semi-sharp. I'm even hastier with the shuriken as I gather them and I cut my fingers on more than one of them when I pick them off the ground without the needed caution. But I'm back by Kosaku-sensei in under two minutes, having graciously supplemented my speed with chakra.

"Hm" Kosaku-sensei regards me considering before he demands to see my hands. _Oops, guess that that was a part of test as well..._ After Sensei notes his assessment down, he explains the last part of the exam to me.

"Pick two of the targets, hit them three times each. Use all your weapons for a blanket attack at once."

 _Oh shit, I can't do that at all!_ "H-Hai, Sensei." I swallow nervously. I've never done this before, but I've seen it done once or twice. The shinobi uses all the spaces in-between his fingers to hold weapons and throws them all at once in order to spread the area and force the enemy to dodge of to tag a fast moving target. Or just a stupid one, since I can vaguely remember a few times in the anime that such an attack actually landed.

My heart is beating fast and my mouth is dry while my hands sweat impractically. I slip my fingers into the pouch and very carefully take hold of he weapons I am to use. I distribute them between my hands, then inspect my grip on them before redistributing again. Finally I decide to stop stalling and take a shaky breath. I decide to aim at the middle two targets in hopes that maybe I can land enough hits through pure luck even if I miss the intended targets. Another shaky breath and then I throw the assortment of deadly ranged weaponry. I get four hits on one post and another on a second one. A lone shuriken hit the outermost target on the left side. It's not enough. _Shit!_

I let my shoulders droop under the weight of disappointment. Sensei makes a note and tells me to gather the kunai and shuriken once again. Without further ado, I comply, once again hurrying in case it has _any_ positive impact on my mark.

Then I make my way over to Iruka-sensei. The man smiles at me, expression genuinely warm as he invites me to sit with him in the grass a bit removed from the throng of other children. I fold myself into proper seiza, hoping to make some kind of good impression to maybe get some extra points. However, Iruka-sensei gives no indication whether or not he approves.

Instead, I pick up on him subtly signing a request for identification. It looks like he is simply balancing himself with his hand while he shifts his position and would have probably been too minor a movement for me to catch if I hadn't thought it weird for a Chuunin to be so fidgety, especially with him as the examiner instead of the other way around.

I hum and scratch my head idly, while signing my status as ' _Konoha citizen_ '. After a second of thought, I twirl a strand of hair with the same hand, pulling it out in order to inspect it sidelong while my other hand on my knee taps out the code for ' _E-rank_ '. There is no easy sign for 'Academy student', but since Genin are generally considered to be D-ranked threats, putting myself a step below that is probably the best way to convey my status.

Letting go of the lock of hair, I look back up to Iruka-sensei, whose smile has just widened even more. "Very good", he praises and I'm thrown by that. Suddenly there is heat on my cheeks and I hurriedly look away lest he see what might actually be a _blush_. _What on earth?! Am I such a sucker for praise?!_ It's very sad that I can't quite recall the last time anybody outside of Itachi has actually commended me on something, so I can't even gauge whether this is a recent development ...

Iruka chuckles softly. "Well, since you seem adept at Konoha standard, let's talk about jutsu."

The verbal exam entails a short discussion of the background and possible uses for genjutsu and ninjutsu, followed by a demonstration of hand seal dexterity and a drill of the shinobi rules, rounded off with a test on identification phrases. Iruka nods all the while and makes notes, at the same time seeming genuinely interested in a way that takes the pressure out of the exam.

After the somewhat more relaxed exam, I'm in an immensely better mood than before, which might or might not be because Iruka praised me again. "You did well, Hikari-chan."

With a chipper bounce in my step, I make my way over to where Benjiro is still waiting to be called up. There are no words exchanged between us, we just stand in comfortable silence while the sun shines brightly down from a sheep-dotted blue sky.

When it's his turn, Benjiro makes a big show of being unmotivated and lazy. He flings two kunai haphazardly, seemingly unbothered when they fall short of the posts. Then he nails all of the remaining kunai dead-centre of the target. I'm sure, I must have looked about as surprised as the other kids watching his performance. When it comes to shuriken, Benjiro sticks eight of them at the very top edge of the posts, before _accidentally_ dropping the last two and arguing that the fall should be counted as a throw anyway.

I won't lie, it's absolutely hilarious how longsuffering Kosaku-sensei seems when the Nara proceeds to pick up his weapons like he's asleep on his feet. Even at the blanket attack, Benjiro fulfils the requirements to pass perfectly and sends every weapon beyond that wild, claiming that they slipped from his fingers to early.

I have no idea, why Benjiro makes such a show out of it, he never seemed like the type to show off like that, but it does make me snicker along with a few other classmates. That only intensifies when I hear two girls _swooning_. _Hah! I told him that he should watch how "cool" he acts._

The grin on my face holds up for the whole time it takes him to finish picking up the weapons again and even through his verbal exam. The Nara eyes me warily as he comes to stand by me again. If possible, my grin widens even more.

"So, _Ben Ten_ ", I elbow him lightly and nod over to the group of girls whispering between themselves, "Are you ready for your fanclub?"

He looks over at precisely the moment that one of the girls looks over, sees him watching and goes a bright tomato red. His groan is deep-seated and utterly defeated.

"Who were you trying to impress anyway?", I ask but he doesn't answer, instead turning his face to the heavens as if praying for mercy, or patience, or a quick death, either of those might be accurate. Again, I snicker and pat him on the shoulder in fake sympathy. The only reaction is a sigh, which does nothing to curb my mirth.

Soon after all of us have run through both exams and Kosaku-sensei calls us to attention once again.

"Alright, students. The last exam is taijutsu. When we call your name, step up to either me or Iruka-sensei. We will hold a five minute spar in which you can show all the skills you possess in that area."

I've never been in a taijutsu spar before -or any spar, really- so I have nothing to draw from, but I have all the kicks and punches that we were taught during the second year and that's what I show when Kosaku-sensei calls my name. And since I have already tipped my hand by showing my chakra-enhanced speed, I figure that augmenting my strength and speed now won't do much damage anymore. Sensei doesn't seem to be greatly impressed but he doesn't raise his eyebrow in a condescending manner either, which I will count as a win.

"That's it for today", he calls out about an hour later, "The results of the exams will be posted on the Academy blackboard at noon tomorrow. Dismissed."

The class dissolves pretty fast after the dismissal, each of us eager to get away from he target range where we just spent the better part of seven hours cooking in the sun. Sure, we had enough time to simply freeball and eat our lunches whenever we weren't taking the exams, but many of my peers want to get home or go to a dango shop in order to celebrate the end of the school year.

I myself long to visit a place I have grossly neglected over the last year: The memorial stone. Now that I can finally make the trip without much hindrance, I feel an intense longing to go to there. So with a quick "Bye" thrown Benjiro's way, I jog out of the Academy gates and make my way through Konoha's busy streets.

It feels amazing, to be running around again, even if it is still much more exhausting than it should be. Even more amazing is the sense of freedom to be neither confined to the apartment or my alley again. From now on, I won't hide in the alley all day anymore, since I'm definitely strong enough to dodge civilians and won't be cornered by that woman ever again.

By the time I'm at the memorial stone, I'm utterly exhausted but in very high spirits indeed. I pant for breath, heart pumping frenetically, but with a feeling like there is no bad in the world. I feel _amazing._ Freedom is _amazing._ Even the hot summer sun beating down on me and promising a colourful sunburn tomorrow feels _amazing_ on my sweaty skin.

There is only one thing that could make the day _even better._ And it just so happens to be the person standing before the memorial with hunched shoulders.

"Itachi!", I cry joyfully and watch as he flinches violently. _Huh, that's pretty odd, he's normally so unflappable._ Even still, I wave excitedly while running into the clearing. He turns around slowly, catches sight of me and then he's suddenly in front of me, catching me by the shoulders and holding me still in order to look me over with such an intense gaze that I hold my breath instinctively.

Itachi has grown, a lot, since I've last seen him. It's ... almost been half a year now, but the sweet, if exhausted boy has matured so fast that it almost seems as if it has been several years. Now, he towers over me by at least a foot, his cheeks have lost most of their baby fat and his face has set rather handsomely into a more adult structure.

But his eyes, a fully matured sharingan spinning so fast that it's almost impossible to make put the individual tomoe, look desperate as he assesses me, gauges my appearance and holds me by my shoulders in a crushing grip as if he expects me to vanish into thin air any second now. The stress lines under his eyes draw deep gouges into the perfectly smooth skin of his cheeks. _They have grown so much as well ..._

I'm suddenly afraid. All the light-hearted joy of the day is forgotten, swallowed by the hole that seems to have opened in my gut. _How long do I still have with him? How long until the massacre will destroy him and drive him away from his home?_

Shakily, I lift a hand to lay against Itachi's cheek, tracing a thumb over the deep stress line. When a tear traces along the line to meet my finger tips I look back into his red, spinning eyes. They are still searching frantically, for what I am not sure, but I want nothing more than to reassure him no matter what he needs reassurance of. Itachi is too good to be in so much pain, _he is too good! This isn't fair!_

"Hikari", he whispers with a rough voice and the suddenly he pulls me forward into a hug, burying his face on my shoulder as if I was the taller and older one of us. I loop my arms around his shoulders and lay my cheek on top of his head. The physical contact feels nice, but I have a feeling that it means even more to Itachi. _What happened to make him this ... like this?_

"I thought you were dead", Itachi says, muffled by my shoulder. "I thought ..." He shudders and I hold him tighter.

"I'm not dead, Itachi. I'm too stubborn to die. I ..." A little helplessly, I struggle for whatever I might say to make him feel better, "I promise I won't die before you, okay? I promise." It's probably a bad thing to promise something I won't have much control over, especially since I plan on becoming a kunoichi and that' just riddled with threats to my life and limb, but right now all I care about is to make my friend feel better.

Itachi nods against my shoulder and tightens his embrace for a moment before letting go and stepping back, composing himself in record time. Just a heartbeat later it is as if he never lost grip on his emotions. He nods again, decisively, before asking, "Where were you?"

I pull a face and avert my eyes uncomfortably. "That woman locked me into the apartment and took my crutches away." When I look back at him, his sharingan are spinning again, not as fast as before but it looks quite a lot more menacing. Itachi looks furious even if he doesn't so much as furrow his brows. I can feel minor amounts of his chakra rising into the air to lace it with killing intent. It's not even directed at me but it still makes me shudder as the airborne chakra brushes my own on my skin. "Don't worry about it", I try to mitigate his anger, "I won't go back to her."

"And where will you go?" His voice is calm, bland almost, but he is, without any doubt, utterly furious.

I try for a grin but can only manage a small smirk in the face of his anger. "Why, to the alley of course, since you've made it so nice and unnoticeable with your genjutsu. You know, the only thing missing was the red bow. It seems like you tend to forget these things, ne?" I playfully wink at him and something softens in the set of eyes. The killing intent dissipates thankfully.

"It appears so, I'll be sure to remember the next time." With a deep breath that isn't quite a smile, he offers me his hand like he did the first time we met and somehow I'm not sure whether the gesture is for his sake or mine. Either way, I gladly take the hand and let him lead me to the shadow of a tree where we sit down and lean against the trunk.

We talk about small, innocuous topics. I tell Itachi about the exams today and how glad I had been that he had strengthened the genjutsu on the alley, while he tells me about Sasuke and how sorry he is for not having more time for his brother. But we both don't go deeper into any one topic, content with mostly superficial dribble to entertain ourselves while soaking up the others presence.

It's only an hour later that Itachi stands up and declares almost mournfully that he has to go now. I nod and get up as well to give him one last hug, because I have a feeling that he could use all the hugs in the world. Worry creeps back up my throat and I only barely swallow a question about what on earth is going on in his life.

"Take care of yourself, okay?", I ask of him instead. "Don't do anything you don't want to", I add more quietly.

The corners of Itachi's mouth pull down into a brief frown, before he puts a hand on my shoulder and pats it twice. "I'll do my best", Itachi promises and leaves the clearing.

Two months later, after I have started my last year of the Academy, I find a scroll rolled up and tied with a pretty red bow on the empty cages of my alley. Attached is a note.

' _I'm sorry_ ' is all it reads.

During the chaos that erupts during the following night, the only thing I can think is, _I'm sorry as well, Itachi._

 _I'm sorry as well._


	12. Pre-Genin Shenanigans

AN: Moi moi, dear readers. Peruna here. Sorry for it taking so long, but this chapter is overly long again. About 12k words. And I personally hate it. It's supposed to be happy but by now, I'm uncertain whether or not I'm actually able to write anything happy at all. Ugh. Whatever. Tell me wether or not you thought this chapter was happy. It should at least contain something approaching fluff at some points.

Onto community service! Man, I got soo many reviews. Thank you so much to _everybody_ that took the time to review, no matter how short it may be, I immensely appreciate it. That said, I'll only be responding to questions or comments that I can feasibly cover within a paragraph. If any of ya'll want to have a question answered more thoroughly or if you wanna discuss whatever, you can PN me if you like.

To **_JaguarVakarian_** : Man, this comment cracked me up so hard. It's true of course, it really does say something if the chapter with the massacre is one of the happier ones.

To _bunnyguest_ : So blood thirsty ... :P

To **_Luizals_** : No, you didn't call that, I looked through the reviews and you never mentioned anything about Benjiro having a crush :P Also: Ugh. Really? Of course Hikari took her toothbrush with her and she wen to wash herself and her clothes the day before the tests. A little suspension of disbelief, please. But, yeah, you're right, I absolutely forgot Hikari's bodily functions when I wrote about her arrangement with the alley.

To **_iluvfairytail_** : Nah, Kakashi has no inkling whatsoever. He doesn't remember the one night stand because he was way too drunk and even the idea of having living family isn't plausible to him.

To **_rg.qiling16_** : It's not Gai's fault that Keiko locked Hikari up at the flat, neither technically nor otherwise. That's only Keiko's fault. And sure, Benjiro is interesting. He actively tries to be ;)

To **_SamsaraMorningstar_** : Hello Mexico! Alright, alright, here's your fix. I actually wrote a lot last weekend in hopes of updating last sunday but lost motivation halfway through. Sorry :'D

To **_Dalilt_** : Nah, Hikari told the medics that she just spent a lot of time at home resting and that miraculously healed her and that they had been right all along. That, in the end was enough to make them lose the little bit of interest they had in the case. You gotta remember, that the med nin that told Hikari that it wouldn't heal was working solely on assumptions and what they had observed during her coma to make a prediction. Her kind of injury is quite novel. The reason Hikari passed even though she had bad physical scores were amazing written results. Kinda like Sakura.

To _still1amazingfic_ : I don't particularly like the idea of Hikari working at the hospital. she doesn't actually know how to heal chakra pathways and she actively doesn't want to be a med nin. Also, Lee has a birth defect that results in deformed chakra coils and an inability to form normal chakra. That's nothing like what Hikari has to struggle with.

To **_yankey_** : Yeah, same with me. I brought Itachi into the story knowing that it would end like this. I admit, I'm a little mean :P I wouldn't say that Hikari is exactly open to manipulation, but she _is_ vulnerable still. Hm, sure, Gai taking Hikari aside to train with her might be a little extreme, but it's how he shows affection and he tailors the sessions to her capabilities, so he's not actually endangering her. Also, screw you for predicting her Genin team, I thought I was so smart witht that one. And screw you twice for noticing that thing with the rats. I don't know whether they'll make a reappearance, but I wanted to keep the option open. That was not a mistake by your translator. *grumbles*

To _Guest_ : Heh, it's nice that I can inspire such emotion in my readers. Maybe you'll like this chapter even. Also, you ship Hikari and Benjiro but you smush her and Itachi together? Interesting ...

To _Guest_ (no. 2): I actually upload my chapters the same day they are finished. I write until I fell it's a good point to stop, then I run a spell check over it and do the Author's Note. Which is the reason that there might be typos in the ANs.

To _Guest_ (no 3): You're welcome. I enjoy it when people say "Thank you" instead of "Update soon". It sounds nicer and is a much more effective way to get me writing. Guilt-tripping is a wonderful thing.

 **I do not own Naruto.**

 **12**

My legs tremble, the muscles fatigued and sore, while my panting breath catches. I have to abandon the kata in order to give my body the rest it has been crying for over the last half an hour. Sweat has long since drenched my shirt, sticking it uncomfortably onto my skin. It's getting pretty tight, I'll need a new one soon.

I step out of the group of my peers that have remained thus far in taijutsu class. It's still more than a half of them. I feel a little inadequate but squash the sensation ruthlessly. I'll catch up with them in no time, no need to worry now.

Since about half of all my yearmates failed the exams three months ago, the homerooms have been reshuffled to form a lager class of the thirty-three that advanced and a smaller class of the twelve former upperclassmen that either failed their final exams or the Jounin tests and were sent back to the Academy for another try. Kosaku-sensei took the smaller class, meaning that I'm now under a new teacher, a fact I'm actually quite happy about.

Enokida Eichi-sensei is treating me fairly, giving me just as much attention as all his other students even though the majority of the new, larger class are students he already knows and has build a relationship to while me and the handful of others from my former class are almost treated as intruders by the other students. Eichi-sensei doesn't allow any open disagreements in the classroom -"As future comrades in arms you have to respect one another enough to avoid conflict."- but whenever one of us was paired off with one of them for taijutsu spars, they always do their level best to beat the crap out of us.

Eventually Eichi-sensei had sighed and let us choose our own sparring partners to avoid an excess of injuries. Which is very lucky for me, since I immediately snagged Benjiro to team up with and he is mostly too lazy to actually put a lot of effort into attacking. Most of the time he'll just stand and defend himself while I use him as a punching bag. He doesn't even seem to be bothered by the arrangement at all, but then again, my attacks are still pretty weak anyway.

During the first taijutsu class of the year, Eichi-sensei had taken me aside and explained that while he commended me for my use of chakra body enhancement, I wasn't allowed to use it during lessons and spars in order to build up actual muscle. It's a perfectly sensible restriction, but put me automatically at the bottom of the class ranking and earned me a lot of ridicule amongst my peers. Not that I can't handle it, but it's annoying to know that I _could_ hold my own -probably ... maybe- and still be seen as weak. I don't like to be seen as weak.

 _It's_ _not true. I'm not weak!_

Sadly, both Kotobuki Una and Oba have managed the jump into the final year and have infected the other kunoichi hopefuls with their favourite demeaning name for me, which has spread to the boys of the class from there. Now, I'm known as the "mumbling stumbling retard" by most of the grade. Some of them don't even bother to learn my actual name, which just adds insult to injury. Every time I hear that, I grit my teeth, but there's nothing I can do to stop them using it. Knowing that it's incorrect on all three accounts is only a hollow consolation. I wish they would stop.

For a few minutes I just take deep breaths and stretch my sore muscles to keep them from going stiff while observing my classmates in their katas. I get a few mocking looks, but most of them have to concentrate on themselves to hide that they're flagging as well. At the back of the pack is Benjiro, his eyes closed and looking like he's sleepwalking -or sleep exercising as it may be. It's not fair that he can be so unbothered by the training while I'm at the end of my strength! _Shouldn't a Nara be lazy and not good at physical exercise?_

At that moment Benjiro's eyes open halfway and he catches my gaze. For a second a languid smirk stretches over his lips before vanishing in a yawn. He doesn't even break the flow of the kata while bringing a hand up to smother it. _At t_ _he very least he could_ act _like he was having a hard time, what a show-off_ , I scoff internally. But I can't really be mad at Benjiro for being good at something, that'd be a poor way of repaying his friendship.

And we are friends. Ever since the day after the exams when we met at the Academy to look at the test scores, he's been taking an effort to be nice to me. And from a Nara, _any_ kind of effort put forward should be acknowledged. It's not like he's been making any giant productions towards winning my friendship, he just hangs around, trading banter or comments back and forth.

It's been ... nice. Easy. He doesn't pry when we hit on a subject I don't want to talk about, simply accepting the bullshit answers or blatant deflections I give him as the end of the discussion. I don't know why he's behaving the way he does, or why exactly he feels the need to be friends with me, and that makes me suspicious sometimes, but I mostly enjoy the companionship he provides. Humans are social animals after all and his presence fills an empty space I have long been hurting to close.

Especially now that Itachi is gone ( _gone! Where is he?! Why did he leave?! He said he would do his best!_ _Is he okay?_ ) Benjiro's calm cools my more and more erratic tempers. Ever since I found that note ( _I'm sorry, Itachi! I should have at least tried!_ ) my emotions have been running wild, the balance shot, and often enough I feel like I am teetering over the edge of a chasm when the feeling of guilt and loneliness tries to pull me down.

Most of the time Benjiro is there by my side and unknowingly chases the darkness of my mind away. Sometimes it's Gai as well, when he suddenly shows up for a round of Youthful Training, because when you train with Gai you have no energy to spend on complex thoughts or feelings. However, those few times that neither are there, when I'm huddled in a corner of my alley, trying to sleep ...

I shake myself from the memory. No need to get hung up on last night, when today is sunny and way too hot for a day in September. _What's up with that? Shouldn't it get colder if autumn is around the corner?_

Now with my focus back on the present, I can see that Benjiro is watching me. He seems to notice that I'm back in the present - _and isn't it scary how perceptive he is?_ \- and waves a hand at me. Five fingers spread, meaning that he'll be another five minutes before calling it a day as well. I nod once and turn to make my way back to the homeroom to fetch my things and wait for Benjiro in the cool shade of the building.

Not for the first time, I wonder if my friend can even classify as a Nara. For all the unbothered airs he puts up, Benjiro works hard, both physically and mentally. We spend a lot of our down time together, either in the library or on the training fields, and he seems very keen to keep his lead over me in the taijutsu department, whyever that is. Sometimes, I wonder whether or not the distinction from his clan is on purpose. That maybe, just maybe, the reason he cut off his ponytail has more meaning to it than simplicity. Sometimes, I feel like Benjiro doesn't want to go home, but he doesn't pry into my buisness so I won't pry into his.

I'm just through the doors when I spot a group of first years making their way outside, clearly happy for their day to be over. In other words, I'm about to pass a group of chibi Rookie Nine's.

Both my eyebrows raise as I spot a white puppy sitting on an unruly mop of black hair, the owner of both, a little boy with the typical Inuzuka markings on his cheeks, rushing right by me. The next one I recognize is the quite obvious Aburame boy, what with his black spectacles and the oversized coat he's wearing in spite of the awful heat outside.

 _Jup, seems like a wild horde of canon characters appeared._

Of course it makes sense that they're here, since all of them have started the Academy this year, but it feels incredibly weird to know all their names and personalities without ever having spoken to them. So I just let them pass without acknowledging my recognition. _Everything else would have been weird anyway..._

Just as the last dregs of the first years are passing me, I hear something that catches my attention.

"You'll never be a ninja!"

I don't recognize the squeaky little girl's voice but that mocking tone is all too familiar. Stopping just as two of the squirts do, I turn toward the source of the attack. For a moment, all I can do is blink.

 _Wow, she doesn't just sound like Una, she looks like her too._

And it's true, the little girl in the woefully unpractical sundress and the cutesy ribbons in her hair bears a striking resemblance to both Kotobuki's in my class. Especially with that I'm-better-than-you expression she's wearing.

 _She must be a prodigy, she's certainly starting young_ , I comment internally with no small amount of sarcasm.

"You're too fat to become a ninja!", the girl accuses and somewhat interested, I turn to her victim. And promptly burst out laughing.

The gathered trio of pipsqueaks all turn to me as I clutch my stomach, because that's just too stupid to be anything else than funny. Wiping tears of laughter from my eyes, I turn to the girl again, who looks somewhat angry at my interruption but also a little cowed since I'm more than a little taller than her.

"Oh man, that's the stupidest insult I've ever heard. Calling an Akimichi fat!" Again I laugh, although I get a hold of myself rather quickly. "Huoo", I pant, a little breathless from laughing so hard, "You Kotobuki's should really be banned from procreating if that is the result."

"And look who's talking", comes a snide interception from behind me which precedes Una and Oba as they come from the direction of the stairs and add themselves to the conflict, "It's mumbling stumbling retard."

The little girl's eyes light up in recognition and, bolstered by her relatives taking up positions beside her, she laughs derisively. "I heard about you! Your teacher always wants to throw you out of the Academy because you're too stupid!"

Both of my eyebrows raise and even the instinctual grinding of my teeth at my hated epithet is halted at that blatant untruth. "Weeell", I draw out, trying to figure out how to respond to something so preposterous, "Really says something that he hasn't succeeded yet, no?"

I give myself a pat on the back for the comeback, before continuing. "And at least I'm not so stupid to call an Akimichi fat." I roll my eyes. "That's like telling a Hyuuga they have creepy eyes, or an Inuzuka that they stink of dog, or ..." I'm a little distracted by catching sight of a figure sauntering over from the entrance, unseen by the Kotobukis since they face me head on. It's just too perfect. "Or saying that all Naras are lazy, good-for-nothing sloths. And we all know that's not true, right Benjiro?"

The reaction of the Kotobukis is just too perfect. Una and Oba whirl around to see what I've seen over their shoulders all along. When they catch onto Benjiro's slumped form where he leans on a wall looking ready to fall asleep again, they simultaneously squeal before turning into stammering messes.

"N-No ... Of co-course n-not Benjiro-ku-kun", Oba mumbles while Una is slightly more eloquent with her "That's not tu-true. We _love you Benjiro-kun_ "

Benjiro heaves a longsuffering sigh and shoots me a slightly annoyed look. "Must you?", he asks somewhat archly.

Both of his fangirls flinch backwards, taking his annoyance to heart as they scamper off quickly. Their tiniest relative sees her support fleeing and rushes after them in order to not be left behind.

I snicker. Benjiro sighs again. "Yes, I must", I finally answer when the last whiff of Kotobuki is gone.

"Just so you know, I hate it when you do that."

To that half-hearted rebuttal I can only shrug. "Sure you do, Ben Ten, but you can't deny that it's efficient." Again, he sighs, knowing that I have a point. Turning to the pair of itty bitty first years that are left, I look them over.

The bored looking, ponytail-sporting boy is probably Nara Shikamaru. I'm not all that interested in him though -I've got my own Nara to poke if I want to- and after a cursory glance my gaze settles on his rather heavy-set companion.

Akimichi Choji is just about the most adorable kid I've seen in this life. He might have even rivalled my cutest little cousins in the Before when it comes to making your heart melt. His pudgy cheeks are so round and smooth, even with the swirled marking upon them, that all I want to do is pinch them like I'm an overbearing grandma. Somehow I refrain from the gesture and redirect the half extended hand to land on his tuft of ginger hair.

"Don't worry, little _Kingpin_ , we all know you'll grow up to be an unstoppable badass." I pat him on the head once before retracting my hand.

My gaze drifts down to take in the kind of massive and round body, most certainly overweight by civilian standards, and gets stuck on his protruding belly. The kid shifts nervously and I look back into his face. He looks supremely uncomfortable and his friend seems about ready to step in, but I wave him off and manage a rueful smile.

"Better overweight than starving, anyways." With that I turn and walk off.

As has become habit now, I check my hand. It looks fine, the fingers are a bit spindly, but the knuckles don't protrude quite as crassly as they used to. Rolling up my sleeve, I also check on my forearm. It's thin but not bony. Content with the progress, I ball my fist and watch the muscles in my arm play. _Yeah, it's fine. I'm not a spooky scary skelington anymore._

By the time I arrive at the classroom Benjiro has caught up to me ... Actually, he must have hung back to exchange a few words with the kids for him to only now be caught up. His slouching stroll is quite deceiving of the speed he can execute with it. Just a hint: it's quite fast. And very amusing to watch. Just imagine a speeding sloth.

Together, we fetch out notes and make off from the Academy grounds into Konoha's busy streets. Usually, we'd be going to the library just about now, but it seems that my companion has other plans.

"Gotta go, tou-san wants to train with me today."

 _It's just too bad that those plans don't involve me_ , I think as I watch the Nara meander through the throngs of people and disappear around a corner.

I don't have much time to lament the fact that Benjiro doesn't have time for me, because I spot a very distinctive bowl cut of shiny black hair bobbing over the heads of most people. Within moments of spotting it, I feel phantom pains of aching muscles and bruised _everything_ and decide that today is much too nice a day to be spent being hammered into the ground. _Nope_ , _I'll be having none of that._

In the next moment I have disappeared behind a corner and am sprinting down a side street towards the main road, hoping that Gai hasn't seen me. When after a few minutes, I haven't been stopped by a _Dynamic Entry!_ , I relax only just slightly.

 _That was a close call, maybe I should avoid that area for now._

With that in mind, I make my way to the training grounds, as the library is within the sector I have mentally labelled as _Danger, do not trespass_. At least for the rest of today, I won't be going there. Might as well take a swim. The promise of cooling down and having a little fun in the Naka river cheered me up a little, adding a bounce of anticipation to my steps.

Ever since I left the apartment for good, I have been bathing in the rivers and small lakes of Konoha every few days to keep clean and avoid developing a stench, but no matter how much I do it out of necessity, bathing and swimming always adds to my days. Maybe that's because it's just about the only aspect from my life in the Before that I can easily enjoy in the Now, maybe it's because water is just my element or maybe everybody enjoys swimming as much as I do and simply don't indulge themselves very often? Whatever the reason, it's a foregone conclusion that as long as the weather holds, I'll be taking every opportunity I have to jump in a river and fool around a bit.

In a good mood, I reach the clearing around the memorial stone. It's as deserted as usual, which is perfectly fine with me. I drop my notebook a few paces from the water's edge between the roots of a tree and pull off my still sweaty shirt and dump it into the grass as well. With my flat, prepubescent chest bared I take a running leap into the river.

The water crashes over my body with a loud splash and then I'm submerged in the cool river. Holding my breath, I dive deeper and look around me with wide-open eyes. In the Before, I was never really able to do that and even if I dove with open eyes, I'd never been able to accurately see anything anyway. Now, I am able to see somewhat sharply under water, easily making out the forms of the silvery fishes darting around the river bed in-between plants and debris.

There are also larger species of fish, a few of which I recognize from the survival classes as edible. Some of them are brightly coloured koi that have doubtlessly been released by humans. I think it's sort of a tradition for civilian girls to set the goldfish free during the Spring Festival when they are looking for love. Kind of like a wishing well. Konoha has a few smaller festivals during the year, one for each season and then some pretty random ones, but only the New Year is celebrated universally throughout all social circles in Konoha.

My need for air pulls me out of my observance of a pretty red and black koi that had been nibbling on the leaves of an underwater plant. With a few kicks, I propel myself back to the surface, gasping for air as soon as my head breaks out of the water. A quick look around tells me that I have drifted downstream, so I start swimming against the current in order to return to the bend in the river where the training ground is situated.

By the time I get there, I'm out of breath again and reminded of the taijutsu class I have pushed through earlier today. Deciding that there is no need to overstrain myself and risk drowning, I head to shore and sit panting at the edge of the water for a minute. Then I get up, fetch my shirt, and begin to wash it in the shallows of the river before laying it out to dry in the sun. For a moment, I debate whether I should lay myself out to dry right next to it, before shaking my head with a smile.

Instead I head over to he memorial stone. Sitting down and crossing my legs, I let my gaze wander over the engraved names as I often do, before thinking on my family. Their absence still hurts and sometimes I wonder how I can even go on when everyone that ever really meant something to me is gone, Itachi just being the last of a long list of people I would like to see again who were out of my reach now. At least, I might be able to see him again at some point in the future, but the rest of them are only alive in my memories.

Staring at the sleek black surface between the engravings, I think of my brothers, about fooling around with the one and fighting with the other, conflict and reconciliation. At least I can say that I haven't left behind any open fights or soured relations. I remember how I would always end our phone calls with the words "I love you", a habit I had taken on because of the morbid thought of ' _What if those are the last words you ever speak to them?_ '. Of course, I had never expected it to be anything but a stupid thought born from one too many sappy movies, but looking back, it makes me feel a little better that my last words to both my parents and my brothers had been "I love you". And I really did, still do.

With a small smile I decide to sing again, for them, because my parents always said they enjoyed it. The song comes easy, even if the language twists my tongue in knots. _Has it been so long since I spoke in my mother tongue?_

It's a simple melody, with an even simpler text. I can almost imagine my dad strumming the guitar and singing it with me. He had taught me this song when I was just an ankle-biter but it has stayed with me for all my life. It feels nice to sing it again. Homely. Appropriate.

Sometime in the third verse, I get company. It's strange to see the dark clad legs suddenly appear next to me, since I'm usually the one that arrives when someone is already at the memorial. Not that it takes long for me to guess who it is.

" _Isi_?", I question, craning my neck up to look at him. The person standing next to me is a shadowed silhouette against the flaming red-orange sky and I absent-mindedly wonder at the time, it didn't feel like I spent more than an hour or two here, but if the sun is already setting ...

"Hello, Hikari-chan", Kakashi replies, his voice sounding exhausted and maybe a tinge interested. "What is that song you were singing?"

Surprised by the question, I squint up at him, trying to make out his face. _Why is he asking about the song?_ But, as always, his expression gives even less indication of his feelings than his voice.

I hum, trying to think of a good answer to that. "It's an old song", I inform him, which is true, in the Before the song was written before I was born, not that that was saying much. Sometimes talking to Kakashi is hard, because I can't lie to him and being honest is almost a foreign concept by now. If Kakashi asks where I have learned the song, I might be hard-pressed to give him a satisfying answer. Better distract him from asking, then. If he is so interested in the song ...

"Where have all the flowers gone?", I sing, "Long time passing. Where have all the flowers gone? Long time ago." The translation comes easy. It really is a simple song, with a straight-forward text and many repetitions. "Where have all the flowers gone? Young girls picked them, every one. When will they ever learn? When will they ever learn?"

Kakashi is looking down on me, an inscrutable expression slanting his visible eye. "Where have all the young girls gone? Long time passing", I continue. _Maybe he is surprised? Why would he be though?_ "Where have all the young girls gone? Long time ago. Where have all the young girls gone? Picked up husbands, every one." I can hear Kakashi snort quietly and break into a grin myself. _How very civilian._ "When will they ever learn? When will they ever learn?"

"Where have all the husbands gone? Long time passing" I can see Kakashi shifting his weight, his jaw moves and maybe he wants to interrupt, but I catch his eye with mine and he stills as the question is repeated. "Where have all the husbands gone?" Kakashi seems to wait for the answer to that question, simply humouring me probably. "Each one picked their uniform." My grin drops, "When will they ever learn? When will they ever learn?"

"Where have all the ninja gone?" Kakashi seems to falter, shifting his weight again. I let my gaze drift back down to the memorial in front of me and continue to sing. I have noticed the bandages wrapping around his left shoulder. It seems freshly applied but already has a dark spot growing amongst the pristine white, not that he seems bothered by that in the least, but it worries me. Life is fickle and short for most ninja, especially those that neglect their injuries. Even if my relationship with Kakashi isn't the strongest, I still don't want to lose him.

For a few minutes, nothing seems to move around us, everything quiet except for my young, childish voice repeating the tune and words I had once learned on my father's knee. In comparison to the memory the new father next to me seems to pale, but then again, everything seems to pale beside the memory of the Before.

The song ends with the first verse. A long while of silence follows. I feel strangely melancholic, because _it's true isn't it? There is not one good thing that I have now that I hadn't in the Before. All my relationships only seem like poor imitations compared to what I_ _used to have._

 _I used to have a_ loving _family, not an abusive mother and an absent father. I used to have friendships that weren't based on pity or concern or whatever the fuck Benjiro hangs around for. I used to have a home, a room in the house I grew up in and the knowledge that I would be welcomed in many other places if I were ever in need. How could my alley ever compare to the reassurance of an open door? It's a safe space, sure, but it's not a home._

Kakashi shifts next to me again, when I look up to him his gaze is fixed on the memorial and he is deep in thought. The picture reminds me of the many other times that Kakashi and I would just be side by side here, of companionable silences and the odd vaguely curious look I'd get. It reminds me of playing with apple seeds and struggling with homework.

 _There are some things I have now that are nice, that I didn't have Before_ , I concede silently, _There is no more Tinnitus and no more need for glasses._

 _And there is chakra._

I fail to remember anything I had been so passionate about in the Before. Exploring and experimenting with the uses and nature of chakra has become a treasured occupation and source of validation. I have already spent years of this life studying this strange and beautiful life energy, have actually put my research to a practical use, and haven't tired of the subject once in all this time. That's something special. It's something I can appreciate.

"You are thin."

"Hm?" Momentarily confused, I look up to see Kakashi examining me with an ever so slightly furrowed brow. I look down on myself, at my bare chest that shows a very defined ribcage. _Sure, I'm scrawny but it's actually back to almost normal levels_.

I poke a finger at my flat belly and while it doesn't encounter any fat, just relaxed muscle really, at least there is _something._ The first time I had looked down at myself after leaving the apartment, everything below the ribcage had been so, _so_ narrow and thin and vulnerable, with the hipbones protruding sharply and crassly.

"I lost a little weight, but I'm working on it", I shrug, "It's coming along fine."

A minute of silence, then, "You don't have your crutches with you."

At his statement I look back up at Kakashi and grin widely. "Don't need them anymore!" Happily I throw my hands up and laugh at his flat look. Somehow, he seems unconvinced, but that's easily rectified.

Taking a page out of Gai's book, I go for a dramatic get up. Arching back until my hands lay flat on the ground, I push off with my feet and, with a flic-flac, land on my feet, throwing my hands out like a gymnast. "Tadah!"

Kakashi blinks at me, nonplussed. I laugh freely, "See? All fresh and functional!"

"Ah", he acknowledges, still observing me as if he expects me to fall over any second now. "You were at the hospital, then. Gai was very vocal when he couldn't find you."

I shift uncomfortably, not only because of Kakashi's assumption of the medics healing me, which is probably the most logical assumption at this point, but also because Gai has not only been actively looking but also talking to others about me and I'm uncertain if I'm okay with that level of attention being directed toward me.

"Eh, not really." At Kakashi's sharp gaze, I shift again, shaking out my feet nervously. "I spent a lot of time indoors. The medic said that the only known way for chakra pathways to heal is through a lot of rest." The statements aren't really causally connected, but it's implied and I hope that Kakashi will leave it at that.

"Ah", the man says, still keeping me in his sights, "Congratulations for your recovery, then." His tone is flat, but there is something about the set of his shoulders that seems almost ... lighter, easier, now. He looks a little less downtrodden. It's a minimal change but it makes me happy anyways.

"I guess I won't be needing these anymore then." From the pouch at his hip, Kakashi produces a bottle of pain relievers and something in my chest warms knowing that he kept one at hand for whenever our paths might have crossed. A smile threatens to split my face and I can only just keep myself from hugging the man.

"No", I reply, "Keep them, maybe you'll need them on a mission. They don't affect your cognitive abilities much."

Kakashi raises his brow, but nods and puts the bottle back into the pouch. After another moment of him looking at me and me smiling back at him, he turns back to the memorial stone. I go to pick up my dried shirt and my notebook, pulling on the garment and trotting back to Kakashi to flop to the ground next to his feet. It feels nice and familiar. I start picking through my notes from class, content.

 **-o-**

Fall comes with rainstorms and cool winds, but I manage to get by. Since I can heat myself with a little chakra circulation, the dropping temperatures are merely a minor inconvenience. Only the nights prove to be challenging since I couldn't pull that trick subconsciously yet. When it gets too much, I keep awake during the nights and doze during the Academy lessons.

The first time Eichi-sensei wakes me with a piece of airborne chalk, he goes on a rant about how I shouldn't adapt bad habits from my classmates, which Benjiro, who sits next to me, conveniently sleeps through. If it weren't for the slight upward tilt to his lips, I'd have even believed the picture. All the following instances where Sensei catches me snoozing trigger less and less intricate lectures until he finally lets it go with a sigh. I think he just decided that I was an honorary Nara, since I have yet to fall behind in class and my taijutsu is progressing in leaps and bounds as I close the gap between me and my peers.

To be perfectly honest, I'm actually at the head of the class in everything except physical fitness. Jutsu theory has finally moved to actual jutsu, including the widely-known Academy Three, which are basic D-ranked jutsu so well known that even Konoha's civilians know of them. Given how jealously any and all techniques are hoarded by the shinobi that know them, that really says something. Of course, those three jutsu are as widely spread _because_ they are taught at the Academy but the point still stands.

The simple Bunshin, the basic Henge and the life-saving Kawarimi have been staples in Konoha's education ever since the Academy was founded and for good reason. Each of the techniques has not only great potential, but also a wide area of application. All of them can be used in a fight and the Henge is the easiest jutsu for infiltration there is, even if it isn't the most effective against skilled opponents.

The Academy Three are also beginner-level jutsu in skill sets that might become more important in our later career as shinobi. The Bunshin is not only the first genjutsu Konoha's shinobi learn, but also a step towards the more advanced elemental clones. The Kawarimi is a necessary step into transportation jutsu needed to learn the Shunshin later on.

And lastly, of course, the Henge, which has several levels to it, which is interesting since even with drastically different outcomes the jutsu changes only minimally. The easiest Henge to achieve is a simple genjutsu layered over your own appearance to imitate another. The next step is a sort of fluid transformation that can only be used to imitate persons or objects larger than the caster, because it builds a semi-solid construct around you to give a different appearance. And then there is the wholly nonsensical in every way solid Henge, in which you _actually transform your body_ into whatever you aim for. I have no idea how or why it works and how or why you can still hear and see if you are _transformed_ into an _object_ without any _ears_.

By now, I can cast all the three basic jutsu, even the solid Henge and I still don't understand how it works. Many of my classmates can execute at least two of the three while only the somewhat snobbish Hyuuga, a rather self-centred Yamanaka and Benjiro can claim to know all of them.

Sadly, my good performance with the jutsu has not garnered me any good-will or even respect from my classmates. Many seem annoyed by my success and send me sour and furious looks whenever I manage to achieve a task they fail at. Some of them deny the fact that I'm better than them outright, doing their best to ignore evidence that challenges their view of me being an idiot.

I get the same reactions whenever I manage a good performance in other classes. When I get a 100 points on the simulated mission report, when I rank third in a test on standard team formations, when I get the second best score in a quiz on command structure, it doesn't matter.

The only times that I get something other than sneers or jealous glowers is when I get my ass handed to me during the monthly taijutsu tournaments or that time that the class camped at a training ground and the Kotobukis conspired with their friends to "accidentally" stumble over my tent, trampling the small camp I have made for myself. When I look into their faces then, there might be smug superiority or vindictive pleasure.

Sometimes I try to reach out to our more neutrally inclined classmates to form some sort of rapport with them but it's mostly useless. The only students outside of Benjiro that are willing to talk to me on eye level are Yamanaka Akinari and Akimichi Michiru and I strongly suspect that they're doing it out of favour to my Nara friend, since Benjiro is slanted to be their Genin teammate. It's nice of them to give me a chance, even if it's not for my own sake, but the sting of them taking Benjiro from me ...

I know that jealousy is not productive or fair to the one you envy, and I am intimately familiar with how annoying it can be, but I can't help feeling left out, knowing that the only decent people in my class will be on a team together. _But kami beware if there isn't an Ino-Shika-Cho combo in a generation! Fucking traditions._

An elbow to the side pulls me from my angry thoughts and I turn to scowl at Benjiro. He puts his hands up in a show of surrender and even goes so far as to lean away from me. _Maybe I shouldn't take my anger out on him ..._

With an effort, I smooth my expression out so that only the narrowed eyes remain. He still looks wary and his brows pull together in slight concern.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing", I bite out and look away, running my gaze over the other students in an attempt to distract myself. It doesn't work all that well. _Which ones might become my Genin team?_ My eyes get stuck, inevitably, on Una. _Not her, at least. We don't have enough kunoichi hopefuls to put more than one on a team._

"Let's get out of here", Benjiro decides and gets up from his seat. I tilt my head to look at him.

"What?', I ask flatly.

"C'mon, Eichi-sensei's distracted." The Nara slings his bag over his shoulder and slouches towards the door. After a moment of pure bafflement, I get up and follow him out of the classroom.

It's cold when we step out of the Academy, winds howling with the promise of rain and roughly shaking the yellow and red leaves out of the trees. Usually Konoha's weather is nicer than this, even in autumn, but I guess Sasuke is having a bad time and since he's a main character the world at large has to reflect that.

Benjiro stuffs his hands into the pockets of his coat and slumps his shoulders while I tuck my notebook and pen into his backpack to free my hands up so that I can warm them in my pant pockets.

"So ... Why are we ditching class again?", I ask at length. Benjiro looks at me sideways with an indiscernible expression, then shrugs.

"Can't have been to enjoy the weather", I needle but he only sighs and heads toward one of the small training fields. "Well, fair enough, maybe I can take that Hyuuga ass down a peg in the next tournament if I get that kata right. You know, the one with the low kick?"

Benjiro snorts. "Sure", he says and can't suppress his smirk, "The one with the kick."

"Bite me", I huff, "You know which one I mean."

"I'm not sure I do", he replies as we pass into the fenced off area, "Why don't you show me?" With that he whirls around and lunges at me. Having half expected the attack, I jump away and fall into the stance for the Little Leaf taijutsu style that's taught at the Academy.

Benjiro's next move is a high kick aimed at my head and meant to force me into a dodge. I know that I could block it as well if I used chakra enhanced strength, but I oblige and duck under the leg and move to throw a punch at his lower back which he dodges. I follow his movement, on the offensive now and let myself be lured across the field as I push forward whenever he backs off.

Once again, Benjiro aims a high kick at my head and this time I block it with my forearm. The point where his shin smacks against my ell smarts, but I ignore the pain and twist my hand in order to catch his leg and hold it. With Benjiro wide open, I swivel on my foot and aim a kick at his knee that might have severely handicapped him if it had connected. But, seeing my intention, Benjiro wrenches his leg free and jumps away.

"Huh." Thoughtfully, I repeat the motion of the kick and find that it's easier to keep myself balanced with the movement, now that I've actually tried it in a spar. When I look up at him, Benjiro seems content. "Thanks."

"No problem", he waves off, "But you're still rough in the transitions." Easily he shrugs off the backpack and deposits it close to the fence before joining me in the middle of the field again.

Benjiro is good with taijutsu, much more adept to jumping around and moving decisively than one might expect from such an outwardly lazy Nara. He puts a lot of effort into his training, whether it be physical or mental, although he seems to greatly prefer reading anatomical tomes than running through taijutsu exercises.

But even if he doesn't enjoy physical exercise as much as laying back and letting his mind work through problems, Benjiro usually joins me when I head to a training ground after the Academy lets out. It's quite helpful to have him around since he's usually good at the things I struggle with and more than willing to help me out. I still have no idea _why_ Benjiro is so interested in me, but it has proven to be a great advantage.

We get a good hour of sparring in before the clouds overhead decide that they have to relieve themselves of their water. When the first raindrops fall, I pull back and look up, trying to judge how strong the rainfall might get. The thunder that rolls through the sky two seconds later promises nothing good.

By the time I lower my gaze again, Benjiro has already snatched his pack and is waiting at the gate for me, so I hurry over and together we leave. A minute later it really starts to pour and as I hunch my shoulders up to my ears and mourn the fact that I don't have a coat like my Nara friend does, Benjiro catches my hand and pulls me into one of the small shops lining the main street.

Shaking the water out of my hair, I look around. The interior of the shop is crammed but welcoming and the sweet aroma hanging in the air puts an involuntary smile to my face. I like dango fine, it's nothing that I originally thought of as amazingly wonderful, since I still remember the varied and almost perfected sweets from the Before, but being denied the consumption of _any_ kind of sweet led to me _craving_ dango from time to time. Not that I have the money to indulge those cravings and dango stands are kind of hard to steal from, as I have learned.

There are a couple of people in the little shop that have looked up at our hasty entrance, but they dismiss us just as fast. The clerk however eyes me semi-suspiciously from his place behind the counter. I've know the young woman by sight if not by name, but it's not like I have ever stolen from her before, so she is probably just aware of my reputation.

When Benjiro steps forward, the woman's eyes shift to him and they lose their suspicious quality.

"Hello there", she greets with a friendly smile.

"Hi", he replies and walks over to the counter, pulling me along behind him. I follow his lead, looking surprised at my hand that Benjiro is still holding. Directing a raised eyebrow at my friend, I tug on my hand. He lets go easily, ignoring the amused look I level at him while he orders a serving of the sweet dumplings.

I grin and choose a table to sit down at while he pays. With my elbow on the table top, I drop my chin into my hand and observe the Nara when he comes over to join me. He seems unbothered, but there might be a hint of red creeping at the tips of his ears. I snicker. _Bet he's just remembered that girls have cooties and holding hands is icky._

Benjiro takes my amusement with a vaguely annoyed expression and sits down opposite me, sliding his plate of dango stick into the centre of the table. That shuts me up.

"For me?", I ask incredulously. The Nara shrugs, pushing the plate further towards me before slumping onto the table and dropping his head into the crook of his bent elbows. Then he takes a stick from the plate that is now directly in front of his nose and begins munching on the sweet dumplings.

I snicker again, not able to hold back a grin at his antics. Benjiro looks like a giant cat, utterly satisfied with his undignified position. He blinks up at me lazily and pushes the plate even further across the table so that it's not directly under his nose anymore, giving him enough room to shift and get more comfortable. I snort and finally take a dango stick as well.

When the sweet taste hits my tongue, I sigh contentedly and relax against the back of my chair to savour the treat. Benjiro looks very self-satisfied when I meet his eyes and I flick his forehead for the smug look he gives me, but I can't even be annoyed. Benjiro is a good friend.

 **-o-**

Carefully I run the razor-sharp edge of the kunai over the seam, doing my best not to damage the sown together fabrics at all. It works decently well and soon enough I'm pulling the rest of the cut string out of the back of the shirt, leaving only small holes where the clan symbol had once been stitched on.

Slipping the shirt on, I revel in it's much too large size and the thick fabric. The high collar will do wonders against the cold winds outside.

Content with the addition to my sparse wardrobe, I stand and discard the patch with the emblem on a pile of similar pieces that I've removed from various other objects I intend to use. And really, I don't have to feel bad about making use of resources that would otherwise waste away unused. It's just that it would be rather noticeable if I were to stroll around Konoha with a giant Uchiwa fan on my back and I can't have all these eyes on me.

I snuggle into the high collar and long sleeves of the new shirt. It would have been a waste to leave it to the moths and mould. Sasuke doesn't seem to care at all about all the possessions his relatives left behind, so I'm sure he doesn't mind me using one of the houses and repurposing some of the old clothes.

With the first snowfall it has officially become too cold to stay outside and live in my alley, so I needed to find shelter from the harsh weather. And it's the same situation as with the memorial stone, really, most people avoid the Uchiha district either out of respect for the ghosts that haunt it or because of their own bad memories associated with these walls.

It's silly, really, to let these good buildings go to waste simply because people feel bad about what happened here. So, I take advantage of the untapped resources and the amount of space the abandoned district is given.

I'm sure Sasuke would actually mind, if he knew that I'm making myself at home in this house in some back corner of the district, but he's silly as well. Nevertheless, I look out for him, since that's about the only thing I can do for him right now.

Sometimes, when he's out for the day, I break into his home and clean it a bit, as some form of compensation for using the resources that nominally belong to him. It isn't as if Sasuke isn't a slob or untidy, but he spends most of his time at the training grounds and the house of the clan head, Sasuke's family home, is a very large affair, so there is always something to do when I do these little visits. It makes me feel a little better.

Sasuke's pitiable and helping him out gives me an almost charitable feeling. And then there is the fact that Sasuke is Itachi's beloved brother. I couldn't do anything for Itachi and I'm uncertain whether or not I can do anything for Sasuke, but caring for my best friend's little brother feels like the right thing to do.

Pulling on a large coat I have pilfered from a neighbour's house, I head out the door and into the dusk of another short, snow-laden day. I need to snatch some food from one store or another as I'm unwilling to dive into the supplies Itachi left in his scrolls, because you really never know when there might be an emergency.

I take a flying leap from the doorstep to the wall encircling the Uchiha district and use chakra to stick to the wall before scaling it as quickly as I can. This way I can avoid leaving suspicious footprints on the layer of snow covering the ground. I leave the inch of snow on top of the wall similarly undisturbed by carefully climbing over it to the other side, where I take another leap to a nearby tree. Just so, I manage to catch a low branch and pull myself up. From there I travel three trees further to a small clearing where I climb down and continue towards the village centre on foot.

Eichi-sensei doesn't shift the free days around as much as Kosaku-sensei has, mostly it's Sundays that we don't have to turn up to the Academy. Benjiro doesn't usually have time to meet on the free days since his clan training is advancing fast enough to surprise the elders and he's gained a lot of attention for that.

I'm not all that surprised myself, everything Benjiro commits to, he _really_ commits to even if he tries to wave his involvement with the topic in question off. If I remember correctly, Shikamaru has the potential to be incredibly adept at shadow techniques, being the secret genius he is. But Shikamaru doesn't just play at being lazy, Shikamaru _is_ actually lazy. Benjiro is not, not when he commits to something.

However, that means that his results stick out from the average young Naras, simply because he actually puts some effort into his training. And that has earned him a lot of extra training with various members of his clan, as Benjiro likes to lament whenever we sit together at lunch breaks. I'm not sure if he actually regrets all the positive attention. Sure, Benjiro doesn't act a lot like his clansmen outside of the public eye and he still keeps his hair too short to put up into a ponytail, and I'm somewhat certain that the distinction is on purpose, but as a young boy being acknowledged and praised by his family? I know that he must be pleased.

And I'm happy for him, really I am, even if it means that his free time to spend with me is being compromised.

I wander through the streets, undecided on what to do with the day. My stomach growls, but I can ignore that for a few hours. I could go dumpster diving, but whatever is thrown out in the cold season will most likely already be set upon by the starving street critters and I'm not particularly hot for gnawed on, dirtied and possibly disease-ridden junk food. Literal junk food.

A small smile steals onto my face. _Ah, puns, the simplest form of humour unrelated to bodily functions._

However, the next moment that smile freezes solid like the icicles on that store awning. Because just below those icicles bops a bowl cut and dark eyes lighten under bushy eyebrows when they land on me.

I dash away before Gai can even form his customary shouted greeting. Racing down the street and weaving through the people out and about, I swerve wildly into an alley and fly over the debris that litters it. Konoha is pretty messy in the smaller less trafficked alleyways, which is a hilarious contrast to the proper and litter-free picture all the larger streets present. The random garbage restricting movement in the narrow passages is wonderful to lose pursuers, though, so I liberally use the messiest alleys I know in my mad dash to shake Gai from my trail.

But it's clear that I have no chance. The only reason Gai hasn't caught up yet is that he plays fair and enjoys the wild chase through urban territory. From experience, I know that he'll catch up the moment I slow down. It's a part of the training sessions that he continues to spring on me whenever we cross paths in Konoha, which amounts to brutal workouts about once a week.

I need a distraction, a reason for why Gai can't work me into the ground right now. Something that he'll accept as just as important. A loud, girly squealing attracts my attention and as I fly past I manage to spot a pink and a blonde head of hair as well as Sasuke's unmistakable, trademark sour scowl. _That could work._

Taking a left down a side street, then another left into a parallel road, I double back to where Sasuke is confronted by his fanclub. I manage to come to a halt without crashing into any of the girls and seamlessly merge with the group of squealing girls. Well, maybe not seamlessly, since I'm about a head and a half taller than they are and out of breath from something other than screeching like a tortured cat like some of those sycophantic little girls seem to be. Whatever.

Half a second later Gai appears seemingly out of thin air with his wide smile full of gleaming, perfectly straight white teeth. He strikes a pose, giving a thumbs up with the rising sun behind him. At noon. _Kami, I wish I knew how he does that genjutsu._

"MY YOUTHFUL COMPANION", the beautiful green beast of Konoha greets in his calmest voice. Not. It's like he's never learned the difference between indoor and outdoor voices. And I know that we're currently outdoors, his voice is too outdoor for even outdoors. Door. "LET US REJOICE OUR REUNION WITH YOUTHFUL TRAINING!"

"I'm sorry, Maito-san, but I'm busy", I gesture to the group of girls I inserted myself into, "connecting with my future comrades in battle!" The last words I almost shout, pumping my fist and striking a pose as well as if I'm excited by that. The little girls are too stunned by Gai's entrance to deny my claims and that's more than fine by me.

All of them are staring at the somewhat eccentric display the man gives, when he throws his arm over his eyes and sobs about Youthfulness and whatnot. That means it's easy to back out of the group and turn to Sasuke, who seems just as mesmerized -or horrified, it's hard to tell sometimes with Gai. Without much thought I pick him up around the middle and make my escape.

I deposit my struggling baggage a few blocks away from the scene and pat the thoroughly unamused Uchiha on his fluffy, somewhat dishevelled black mop.

"There, there", I coo as if talking to a frightened puppy and revelling in the mini-death-glare he shoots me while evading the hand that tries to bat me away, "All save from those pesky fangirls. You won't have to fear for your virtue anymore."

Sasuke finally manages to push my hand away and scowls fiercely. It doesn't do much except making me snicker, but I have to go and put some distance between me and Gai anyway, so I jog off with a jaunty wave.

 **-o-**

The closed fist is mere inches away fro. my face, but at the last possible moment I dodge left and snatch his wrist. I bend my knees and drop low pulling my opponent off balance by his extended arm. Then I sweep his legs out from under him and duck out of the way of his fall, not relinquishing my hold on his arm. He catches himself with the other and tries to roll away and wrench his arm from my grip, but I channel chakra to keep my hold.

A wet pop sounds loud and clearly and instantly I open my hand and rush over to him. Benjiro rolls onto his back with a pained expression, but he makes no sound when I help him sit up. His right arm hangs lower than it should.

An apology gets stuck on my tongue as he looks at me, clearly annoyed and in pain. I flinch back and then am further separated from my friend when Eichi-sensei bustles in to examine the damage.

"Well done, you retard!" comes a hateful voice from behind me and I turn around to face Kotobuki Una, because why wouldn't she use this opportunity. I'm not usually cowed by the bullies, but behind Una most of the class has stopped their sparring to see what happened. None of them look especially friendly. The Yamanaka and Akimichi are already by Benjiro's side and fuss over him. When I seek their gaze, only Yamanaka looks up and I've never seen him with this chilly an expression.

Uncertain, I shift on my feet and shuffle back towards Benjiro. Eichi-sensei declares that he should go to the hospital for the dislocated shoulder and with a look around he picks me to accompany him. At least Eichi-sensei isn't angry at me, he's fair like that, he knows it was an accident.

I'm not proud of it, but I fuss around Benjiro. Focussing on him lets me ignore the heavy tension and the antagonistic glares of my classmates.

 _Shit, shit, shit. This is not good, not good. If they despise me that much, what happens when I'm on a team with them? Fuck, why did it escalate to this point?! What do I do?!_

It takes just a minute for me to race up to our classroom and fetch Benjiro's backpack. I didn't bring any notebook today, since classwork has reached the point where I can easily memorize it as we go over it, and since last week we have been doing more and more repetitions anyway.

When I join him at the gate of the Academy, Benjiro looks already thoroughly done with the situation. With a longsuffering look he pushes me away as I try to put his good arm over my shoulder.

"I hurt my arm, not my legs", he complains and shoots me an annoyed look when I attempt to apologize for hurting him. "Stop that."

He keeps looking at me, staring me into submission and I feel just meek enough to duck my head and look away. There is a deep sigh next to me. "Let's just do this and get some dango afterwards."

Nodding, I move to flank his other side to prevent anyone approaching from or bumping into his injured shoulder. Benjiro has developed an appetite for dango lately. So after we visit the hospital and a sympathetic med nin set his shoulder and soothed the strained muscles and ligaments, we visit that dango shop he likes so much.

The clerk has long since laid her suspicion of me to rest and accepts the money I picked from a few passing pockets on the way here. With a large serving of colourful dumplings, Benjiro and I settle in a back corner.

We snack mostly in silence, the Nara looking sleepy and disinterested in the way he leans against the back of his chair. His shoulders aren't slumped for once and I suspect that it might be tender even with the use of iryoninjutsu to heal the damage. Guiltily I look away, staring out the open front of the store. I'm almost glad when I spot a very energetic Jounin bouncing into my field of view.

Sometimes, when I tried to use Benjiro as a shield for not training with Gai he simply drags the complaining Nara along. Those are the times that I honestly enjoy the punishing training exercises if only to snicker at Benjiro's dramatic and never-ending lamenting and complaining. Not that the Nara doesn't make full use of the free training from a Jounin renowned for his taijutsu skill. He just likes to keep up appearances and by the end of a training session with Gai, just about everybody would have ample reason to complain about muscle aches.

Today, Benjiro can't join when Gai enthusiastically whisks me away. And I'm a little glad about that. He might not blame me for hurting him. The same can not be said about myself. As I follow Gai's orders for one-handed push-ups, I vow to never hurt him again. I don't have a lot of friends and I sure as hell won't jeopardize any of them.

 **-o-**

"No way." At my pleading look, he remains certain. "I'm not gonna make myself miserable when the exams are tomorrow."

 _Well, he has a point. Not sure if Gai's gonna accept it though._

There is no time to ponder that, before I launch off into a sprint to flee from the exuberant shouts of the ever-helpful Jounin that takes coaching me to be a taijutsu master very seriously. Ignoring-my-declaration-that-I-simply-want-to-be- _adept_ -and-not- _amazing_ -at-taijutsu levels of seriously. Mean tongues might even label it as selective deafness.

It's not a given that Gai would let me off the hook when I tell him that the final exams are tomorrow, you know, the ones that decide whether or not you become a Genin. I'm even somewhat sure that he'll claim one night enough rest to restore my Youthful Energy! Sometimes Gai seems to be innocently unaware that normal human beings aren't made of steel cables and good will as he seems to be.

I pass an Academy training ground, which are usually deserted by this time, since most kids try to be at home by nightfall. The only reason Benjiro has been out with me still was to brag with his shadow manipulation, which comes easier at this time of day. Now though, I pass by a young boy with long black hair braided down his back that kicks relentlessly at a training post with exceedingly bad form.

I stop just out of sight and send out a trickle of chakra back into the training ground. My chakra manipulations have come a long way, which is a side effect of constantly being aware of and channelling it through certain paths of my body. Since the natural chakra flow doesn't exactly favour taking detours, I have to actively guide it through the minor pathways bypassing my still open ruptures. I have no idea what it will take for these injuries to fully heal, but I've become quite acclimated with the problem and it poses no real hindrance to me anymore.

The only real trouble they give me is the fact that if my chakra reserves are full there is too much energy pressing down the pathways, making it impossible to redirect it through passages that are too small to contain it. To combat this I have continued to promote the forming of new pathways all around my coils. Of course, I don't do it as aggressively as initially to avoid the more aggravating side effects of the procedure, but by now there is such an expansive and intricate web of miniature pathways throughout my body that navigating it needs truly amazing amounts of chakra control. It's not a problem though, since I've got that down pat by now.

Of course, I also regularly empty most of my chakra reserves to simple avoid having too much pressure on my coils.

Anyway, with the constant practise in guiding and shaping my chakra, it makes manipulating it outside of my body easier, too, which allows me to connect a tendril of it to the boy's presence in the training ground even though he's a good thirty metres away from me.

Then I rum my fingers through three hand seals that spell out one of the Academy Three. I don't channel chakra through the seals though. Instead I start churning it into the flow needed for another jutsu.

Just as Gai lands in front of me, I call out "Henge!" and let the jutsu run free. This form of shaping a technique is much harder than to simply use the proper hand seals and be done with it. It's inefficient, causing me to expend about three times the amount of chakra than is usually needed. Still, it works. My link to the boy fastens and then snaps.

A giant cloud of chakra smoke bursts into being at my previous position as the unused, expelled chakra condenses into physical form. Minor amounts would just dissipate, but with large expenditures the chakra always reacts with itself in a more visible manner.

I grin at the training post that I'm currently facing, before taking off in opposite direction to the shouting match that has just begun beyond the fence. I don't know if Gai actually buys my ruse or if he just humours me for the time being, but he stays with Lee and accuses him of playing tricks. From the sound of it, he gleefully kidnaps the poor kid for the usual training session. There's no regret from me though, since I know that Lee will come to adore his Sensei in the future. I'm just giving him an early sample of what his life as Genin will be like.

My grin doesn't relent even long after I have met up with Benjiro again, even if he's being a horrible show-off.

 **-o-**

There is tension in the room, thirty kids are anxiously awaiting the announcements our Sensei has to make.

"Team Five: Akimichi Michiru, Nara Benjiro and Yamanaka Akinari."

No surprise there. Benjiro grumbles next to me, where he is draped over his side of the desk with his face buried in his arms. He is likely bored out of his mind. His two teammates look over briefly, but they as well show no surprise, only excited grins. I would feel alright as well, if I knew that I was on Benjiro's team, but as it is, there's only heavy stone apprehension in my gut.

"Your Sensei will be Yamanaka Mizuko."

Benjiro groans and buries further into his makeshift pillow. Akinari looks smug and even a little triumphant. _He must know their Sensei, then_. _They probably don't allow parents to be their children's Sensei, so maybe she's an aunt?_

"Team Six", calls Eichi-sensei and I direct my attention back to him, "Hikari, Akagi Kenchiki and Hashira Utamara." Nervously I look over to my new teammates. Both of them are pouting, _no, sorry,_ frowning.

Kenchiki has been in my class since our first day of school. He's a bit hot-headed and has too much of an ego, but skilled enough. His father is a Chuunin and has been giving him some extra training from time to time. Apparently he's somewhat proficient at kenjutsu, given the sword strapped to his back.

Utamara's parents are both shinobi, both Chuunin as well, if I remember correctly. He was at the head of the class at the beginning of the year, but as most of our classmates started drastically improving to get a good score at the end of the year, he stagnated, which puts him slightly below average in most scores. That doesn't seem to have penetrated his ego in the slightest though, as he is prone to over-confidence and gloating.

"Your Sensei will be Hatake Kakashi."

I blink.

 _What?_

The two boys I had been observing whisper with one another, but I can't. Even.

 _What?_


	13. Go Team!

AN: Moi moi, dear readers. Peruna here. Let me tell you, I did _not_ like to write this chapter. But here it is. A little on the short side, but it means that I have a nice setup for the next chapter, so you'll just have to make do until I get around to finish that one. Also, I'm sure a few people might have already noticed, but my timeline is kind of a mess. It still makes sense in itself if you don't look too closely into it, but it's not perfectly identical to canon. Sorry for that.

Onto community service! As always, _thank you_ to _all_ my wonderful reviewers. I appreciate each and every one of you! For brevity's sake, I can't mention each of you personally, but I can give some statements on frequently mentioned topics.

 **On Hikari's age relative to canon characters:** Just to quickly reiterate and clear up a little confusion, Hikari is some ten months older than Naruto. She has now graduated her fourth year of the Academy, while Naruto finished his third. The rest of the Rookie Nine just did their first year exams. Yes, Naruto was enrolled early. In canon, he failed the final exams twice before the manga starts.

 **On romance and pairings** There will be romantic character motivations at some point, as well as a pairing or two, but romantic relationships and fluff will _not_ be the focus of this story. You're welcome to continue shipping in the comments, though :)

To _**rickrossed**_ : No statement on the amount of heartbreaking that will happen in this fanfiction. :P

To _**Anja.Nuehm**_ : As far as I know there is no word limit on reviews, I regularly submit much longer ones without problem. That said, the review feature is sometimes a little buggy ... Well, anyway, nice to see your name pop up again!

To _Guest_ (no 1): I think we all appreciate some Benjiro fluff, such a shame that this isn't a romance story :P

To _Guest_ (no 2): Oh, you put bad ideas into my head. I never even thought about killing Benjiro off for a little cheap drama, but now that you mention it ...

To _**TheVulcanNara**_ : Hehe, it's nice to see you so invested in this, but I gotta say ... I won't solve the longest running conflict yet in this story, by knocking out the main character and just magicking the solution into being. I know, I know, I'm mean for teasing it so long, but that's what tension is for, ne?

To _**Dalilt**_ : More like Hikari found Gai a better student. Not sure whether Hikari and Lee will interact at all in the forseeable future ...

To _**Completely Confunded**_ : Y'know, Hikari takes after her father when it comes to emotions ... she's not good at them xD Her classmates don't actually hate Hikari, btw, except for maybe the Kotobuki cousins, they just don't have a high opinion of her, which makes it easy to follow peer pressure and ignore/take part in bullying her. It makes for a rough start in the team, but it's not actually that big a problem in the long run ... if there _is_ a long run ;)

To _**yankey**_ : Ugh, you and your accurate observations. I'm not actually mad, just so you know. It's a good thing when I know that I am setting my plot decisions up properly. Nobody likes it, when the author just introduces something random from out of nowhere as a plot device. So, please, feel free to share your predictions :) Even if I'm not sure that I can smuggle any of the plot twists I have planned under your observant eye ...

To _**iluvfairytail**_ : Accurate observation. Bullying and social isolation _does_ wear down on anybody, no matter their age.

To _**SamsaraMorningstar**_ : Hello to Mexico, then :P Finnish greetings are fun, since there is a ridiculous amount of informal ways to say "hi". I, personally, like "moi moi" because it _always_ causes confusion when I'm talking to German people, which is a lot of fun. "Heippa hei" is also a fun to say, just because it sounds so cheery...

To _FanOfKakashi_ : There's never enough Kakashi, is there? I don't like writing him all that much, cause I never feel like I can get him quite right ...

To _ **LuciiChan**_ : Well, I'm glad you decided to give this story a chance and came to like it :) You are correct in your assumption that happy scenes are hard for me because I know what's coming in Hikari's future. If you are especially sensitive to abuse, I ask you to look for the seperate warnings at the beginning of the chapters. If a chapter contains graphic violence and scenes of abuse, I will always put a reminder that this story is rated M at the head of it. I refuse to post specific trigger warnings, because I don't want to spoil the drama, but you can always look out for the general warnings.

To _**PepperonyOwl**_ : No need to apologize, I'm fine with people reviewing whenever they feel like it, there won't be no guilt-tripping here :) I personally liked that quiet scene with Kakashi and her on the street a lot as well. I'm afraid there won't be any _Wow_ moments in this chapter, or the next ... There was one, actually, for Benjiro. When he saw her at the third year exams, his mind was blown, since he correctly deduced that Hikari actually managed her injury by herself even though it was said to be incurable. I just didn't write his viewpoint.

And I'm not a big fan of these shifts in PoV, just to underline people's reaction to the main character, at least not in my own story, because I really just want the reader to be stuck in Hikari's skin, only knowing what she does. I'll put in PoV shifts here and there to explain something important going on that Hikari isn't privy to, but it's not geared towards wish fulfillment.

To _**Bloody.Kirai**_ : The vague relationship Kakashi has with Hikari doesn't have anything to do with primal urges or insticts. Sure, Kakashi is pretty in tune to his instincts, but even animals don't instinctively know if a pup is their offspring.

To _bunnyguest_ : Itachi is currently absolutely certain that he has no friends in Konoha. There won't be any convenient ways for Hikari to message him. Which isn't to say that she won't try ...

To _**4everfictional**_ : Ohh, thanks for your reviewing every chapter! It totally made my day to see a new review pop up every half an hour :3 Hm, about Miko's reaction in the first chapter: True, it's not exactly fair of her to instantly assume that Keiko took advantage of Kakashi's state of mind and then immediateley cut ties to her. But Miko is a kunoichi, fighting in a war, having lost friends and comrades of her own. I feel it's realistic for her to have such an adverse reaction to even the notion of her naïve, arguably stupid, civilian friend too advantage of a comrade's grief.

To _**Ardishana**_ : Why, hello! Good to have you on board! Since you're knew, let me inform you that everyone and their _mom_ is waiting for the giant, soap opera level of drama the whole relationship reveal. I've been getting reviews asking about since the first chapter :P And, of course, the rats. I think most people overlooked that detail in favor of all the sad fluff with Itachi that chapter. What do _you_ think is up with the rats? Do you wanna see them emerge from the shadows and wreak bloody revenge? If you have a fun suggestion, I might write it into an Omake ;)

 **I do not own Naruto.**

 **13**

I'm still somewhat shocked and unresponsive when Eichi-sensei congratulates us a last time and leaves the room with the notice that our Jounin-sensei will pick us up here after lunch.

"Use the time to get to know your teammates a little", he advises and then shuts the door behind himself. Of course, the moment he does, pandemonium breaks loose as excited youngsters scramble up and move about to express their suppressed energy. The general chaos shakes me out of my catatonic state.

Dazedly I blink and look around. All around me my classmates, no, _former_ classmates gather into their new teams of three. Benjiro lifts his head sleepily and blinks a few times as well to assess the situation. Then he rightens himself and stretches, before getting up languidly. He looks down at my still seated form and for a moment there is disappointment in his expression, before he covers it up.

"It'll be fine." Patting my shoulder in sympathy he looks towards his teammates approaching. "Your Sensei won't allow fighting in the team."

At my weak laugh, he looks back down at me. _If only you knew ..._ _Sure, Kakashi doesn't appreciate fighting in the team, but for him to do something there has to be a team first._

Benjiro's eyebrows draw together in concern. "Don't let them attack you. If they do, don't hold back. It would be stupid to get injured by stupid bullying."

 _Well, he's right. At least I know that I can defend myself against them if they try something._

With a last shoulder pat, Benjiro joins his team and they move out of the room. I stay behind, not eager to leave and be alone with the two boys that can't stand me. It's only when most of the crowd has pushed their way outside when I realize that both of them have left the room without even approaching me.

 _Fair enough_ , I think to myself, _it's not like I want to spend lunch with them anyway._

Since I don't have anything to eat on me, I imitate my Nara friend and sprawl over the table top in order to take a nap. There are worse ways to wait. And, given that we will have to wait for _Kakashi_ to show up, I may just as well get comfortable.

Time passes slowly as molasses, dragging on and on and on into eternity while there is little to no sounds or movement at all around me. I'm alone in the classroom, but the rest of the Academy is empty as well, bereft of any students as the two week summer break has already started.

At some point I must have actually fallen asleep, because I don't remember doing much of anything before the clambering and chattering of my returning yearmates rouses me. I lift my head tiredly and survey the trickle of freshly minted Genin that slip in the room. Always in groups of three. It seems as if they have accepted the team arrangement.

Soon enough, Kenchiki and Utamara walk in together and choose to sit at a table on the other side of the room. Sighing, I get up and drag myself over there to sit on the vacant seat left at the table.

"What do _you_ think you're doing?"

I look over at Kenchiki with half-lidded eyes and sigh again. "I'm sitting", I state before falling into the chair and draping myself over the table again.

"Just because you were put on the same team as us, doesn't mean we're friends", the sandy-haired boy clarifies while I get situated in a half-way comfortable position.

Utamara scoffs derisively. "It's an insult that scum like her was even promoted. I don't ..."

The boy reminds me a lot of one Severus Snape. The sneering, the pale skin, the overly long pointy nose and his lank black hair that hangs so lifelessly from his scalp that it might as well be a wig. _What's missing is the tragic backstory, but if he doesn't watch his mouth I'll help h_ _im with that._

"... weaker than most of the other kunoichi-" The snobbish boy is interrupted in his rant about how below him I apparently am, when the first Jounin enters the room.

The man cuts an impressive figure with his wide shoulders and the katana strapped over the back of his standard green flack jacket. His jaw moves as he chews -probably only gum, but when I remember Shiranui Genma, I can't help but wonder whether this Jounin has a knack of keeping weapons in his mouth as well.

Slowly the man lets his gaze wander around the room, taking us all in. I can see Kenchiki straightening, but I don't bother. He seems excited though. _Doesn't he know this isn't Kakashi?_ A moment later, I have to suppress slapping my forehead. _Of course he doesn't. Why would a fresh Genin know any Jounin? And we're too young to remember any controversies about him._

A moment later the Jounin reads out the names of his team, which, unsurprisingly, doesn't include mine or either or the boys'. Kenchiki looks disappointed and judging by how he stares at the man's back and the sword strapped to it, I can only guess that he hoped for our teacher to be adept at kenjutsu.

 _Well, Kakashi probably_ is _adept at wielding a sword. Didn't he have an heirloom tanto? That has to amount to something._

The katana guy was just the first of the line of Jounin that step into the room, call out their Genin and then leave with them immediately. Benjiro's team gets called by a beautiful blonde kunoichi and for a moment I'm jealous of the way she makes every other person in the room look ugly.

It's been a while since I've felt inadequate about my appearance. At some point in the Before I had just written off the idea of looking stunning and I had never looked back, even after being reborn I never really thought about my looks, but _now_ I am keenly aware of myself. Of the oversized man's shirt I'm wearing, of the way my face looks drawn whenever I see my reflection and the hair that, while combed, will never be neat and tidy. It hangs in wild strands that seem to naturally form spikes. It's mostly soft, but it sure doesn't look that way. And while I'm blonde as well, she has that colour of wheat on a sunny summer day, mine looks like old gold covered by dust.

When Benjiro catches my gaze, he looks far too amused for my tastes, smirking at whatever expression I'm making. Trying for nonchalant, I drop the spike of my hair I had been inspecting. There is no way, he's fooled, but I'm not even sure that he understands exactly what had been going through my head. His teammate, the Akimichi girl who followed his gaze, does though, giving me a sympathetic smile.

 _I dearly hope she doesn't develop any self-worth problems_ , I think to myself as the team leaves, _next to such a beauty every girl would have doubts._

 _There's no way the Jounin doesn't know about her looks. That level of beauty is cultivated._ Which opens up the ever delightful question of _'Why devote so much time onto something like that?'_. From the top of my head, I can think of several ways a kunoichi, a trained assassin or infiltrator, might use that kind of asset.

Benjiro raises his hand in a lazy wave that I return before he saunters off. More of our yearmates follow and soon enough my team is the only one left in the room. Kenchiki and Utamara seem annoyed to be left behind, but I just set my chin on my folded arms and get comfortable. This might take a while.

 **-o-**

Sauntering through the streets, he closes the file he's been surveying and tucks it away before taking out the last of the three folders he had been entrusted with. He flips it open and starts to read while moving around obstacles in his path.

He likes to read while walking. Less people feel the need to approach him for small talk when he has his nose in a book. It's ridiculous that they feel so much more confident to engage him now, just because he's switched from wearing a black uniform to wearing standard blues. So he uses a book to ward off the nosey shinobi and civilians trying to be the first to pry some juicy gossip out of him.

Just recently he discovered that reading erotica is especially effective at repelling annoying people. It's a good thing that the book that lead to this discovery is part of a series. Because as much as he enjoys the shallow plot, liberally varnished with rather explicit content, and the somewhat amusing reactions he garners with his choice of reading material, staring at the same pages of the same book for days on end just isn't very engaging.

Files also seem to work reasonably well in warding off idiots he doesn't want to talk to. Nobody has been bothering him all morning. It's a shame that these will probably be the only ones he can expose in public. There's nothing secret about fresh-out-of-the-Academy Genin, but most of his missions are of a higher clearance level than this one.

Only mildly interested he skims the information on the kunoichi on his supposed team. _Why_ the Hokage thinks that entrusting _him_ with a team of vulnerable, fragile, little people, is a mystery to him, but there is no way to decline orders. It doesn't mean that he's happy with being forced into a position set up for failure.

Height, weight, physical description, date of birth. Name, Hikari, no family name, and there is a photo ... Ah, he knows her. Again, he checks the date of birth. So she graduated early. Is that good or bad? It used to be standard in his Academy days to graduate at ten, but those were different times and he is certain that there had been reasons for the shift towards older graduates.

He doesn't know whether he likes or dislikes the fact that she's on his team. Hatake Kakashi doesn't have _friends_ and there are few people that he cares about at all. One is Gai, who has been getting more and more insistent with his challenges since Kakashi was discharged from the Anbu. Another is Tenzou, the former Root operative, his comrade, that chose not to kill him and steal his eye despite clear orders to do so.

And then there is the child that used to spend her days at the memorial stone, even more frequently than he himself. To be with her father, she had said and he hadn't pressed. It's probably not a healthy habit, but then Kakashi isn't one to judge.

He isn't quite certain what he feels for the girl, in fact he regularly denies feeling anything at all for her when Gai pesters him about it. But he had worried when she had suddenly stopped coming to the memorial stone, no matter the fact that he had been avoiding her at the time. It had been a punch in the gut to see her, months later, weak and pale with tired bags under her eyes, supported by crutches.

There had been guilt and, to some extent, there still is.

Training accidents like that only happen when one experiments with their abilities unsupervised. He had known that she played around with chakra, had _seen_ that she was prone to hurting herself with unintended consequences, and had done _nothing._ The moment he had turned his back on her, she had gone and _obliterated_ her chakra coils.

It had eaten at him. He hadn't been able to look at her without the hot guilt burning a hole in his chest. Getting her the medication she had been prescribed was a sad excuse of an apology in face of the career ending injury that she acquired only because of _his_ negligence.

And then he had only realized that she was missing _yet again_ , when Gai asked him about her. There had been that sinking feeling, a brief spike of panic, followed by a deep-seated weariness of what the reason might be. The first time around, she had come back from her absence heavily injured and he dreaded what the next blow would be. However, there had been little time for him to investigate. With a new addition to his Anbu team and the endless stream of missions, he had been at the limit of his capacity.

Uchiha Itachi, another name in his long list of failures. Kakashi had thought he knew the young prodigy only for him to turn around and enact a massacre of unprecedented proportions. In the rush to hunt the traitor down, months passed by without a moment of rest leading up to the clusterfuck of a confrontation between several Anbu teams and the partner Itachi had picked up seemingly from out of nowhere after fleeing Konoha.

Two full teams of Anbu killed and with many of the remaining operatives either close to death or incapacitated by their injuries there was no other choice but to retreat and regroup. Not that Kakashi was part of the follow-up operation at that point, since the Hokage had decided to pull him from the covert ranks and put him back onto the public Jounin roster. And now he is supposed to lead a team of fresh Genin.

In her file are also copies of Hikari's medical records. They are brief, a short report on her initial injury with a bare-bones account on her time in a coma, as well as transcript of an interview she had with a medic about her unexpected recovery. It states that sufficient rest and her young age were the reason for her miraculous rehabilitation, but there had been no physical examination, which annoys him, but it's standard practise for healthy civilians on public welfare. Kakashi himself is mostly certain that the girl found a solution through her ceaseless playing around with chakra instead of waiting for the injuries to get better on their own, but he cannot confirm that assumption without a medic. Or a Hyuuga. And both would ask questions.

The teacher's assessment of her was more interesting anyways. At first it paints the girl as overly enthusiastic in taijutsu exercises while abysmal in written tests, only for her apparent interest in taijutsu to completely fade dropping her back to average scores and the written scores to shoot up to near perfect. In the second year of the Academy, both her theoretical and practical marks evened out into the picture of a mediocre, untalented student until her long absence due to medical reasons. Even when she returned from her break and only attended once a week, she retained her perfectly moderate written scores and talking herself out of physical exercises due to a technicality.

Then she disappeared for months, coming back fully functional and laying out a near perfect theoretical score for the third-year-exams, which were _designed_ to be harsh, nearing _impossible_ for their age group, and weed out the weaker students that way. A resounding mark of intelligence that negated her terrible practical marks. Not to mention the fact that she continued to vie for the top spot in her class during the last year at the Academy, only held back by her meek performance in taijutsu and bukijutsu.

The girl's last teacher, Enokida Eichi, expresses in his notations the opinion of her being a prodigy restrained by her body's condition and when he looks at the extreme fluctuations in her scores, Kakashi is inclined to agree. There must have been a reason for her to hold herself back in the periods of averageness she displayed. It's unusual for children outside of the Nara clan to demonstrate such behaviour, since most kids usually yearn for the recognition good grades gets them. Not that Kakashi himself knows a lot about children, but it's such a universal truth that the fact she's different sticks out even to him.

It warrants investigation. As her supposed leader in this cell, he has to know and understand his subordinates. He has already examined the two junior shinobi's personal situation today, so he doesn't even have to justify taking this close a look to himself. He is investigating because Hikari is his subordinate, not because of any personal attachments.

The apartment building that is listed as his student's address in the file appears run-down and rent is probably the cheapest one might find in Konoha. Placed in the middle of a district that hasn't been properly maintained since the Kyuubi Attack nine years ago. Even though this is a residential area with little to no businesses there are still more than the usual amount of pedestrians milling about, looking haggard and unhappy.

Kakashi touches down lightly on the shoddy roof of the apartment complex and counts the windows from the streets up and then from right to left to determine his target. It's laughably easy to slip into the one-room flat, since the window isn't even locked or secured in any shape or form. Even just a cursory glance of the dwelling makes it readily apparent why security isn't a concern.

There is absolutely nothing of value in the apartment. The only furniture are a worn-down futon, three thin seating cushions and a half-dismantled crib, together with a kitchen corner older than the Jounin himself.

Very few possessions are strewn about here and there. He finds a stack of simple yukata and civilian working clothes, but none of them are child sized. In fact, nothing in this dwelling points to a child living here except for the old crib and that's much too small for the girl supposedly calling this home.

With a slight edge of bewilderment, Kakashi goes over every detail he can find. Only one set of dishes drying in the sink, only one futon, only one toothbrush. No school material, child-sized clothing, toys or training material. There is absolutely no chance that the newly-made kunoichi actually currently lives here and no evidence that she has been for quite a while. Only the very old scent of her on imprinted on the crib is a sign that she ever called did.

Apparently the information in the file is outdated. It's negligence on the teacher's side to not include her new address. Not knowing the girl's living situation presents a lack of information Kakashi scowls at. After establishing a thorough profile of the two boys he has been assigned, he can't leave without having comparable intel on their teammate.

Which means he will have to do something, he wouldn't have ever thought himself capable of: Seeking out Gai.

Kakashi shudders at the thought even as he slips out the window and closes it, leaving no evidence of his presence that a simple civilian could pick out.

Gai knows the girl, has met her sometime a year or two back and is currently training her on odd days. He is the easiest source of knowledge Kakashi has available now that paperwork and snooping hasn't paid off well enough. Sure, he could question the girl's mother, but his desire to speak to some random civilian is even lower than the desire to suffer through Gai's mood.

There is a training ground that Konoha's Green Beast prefers over the others. It's a large field of mostly even ground close to the thirty-ninth and forty-fourth training ground. Many Jounin like the bigger, open training grounds to hone their skills in large-scale ninjutsu, because it means they don't have to pay for a C-Rank clean-up and restoration mission when they wreck a piece of forest. Maito Gai doesn't need ninjutsu to cause massive destruction, he uses the open training ground to practise his extraordinary and frankly terrifying taijutsu techniques.

And even distracted with and immersed into his training the man spots Kakashi slinking around the edge of the forest within the minute he gets there.

"MY ETERNAL RIVAL!", Gai exclaims at ear-splitting volume, already racing towards his position and for a moment Kakashi laments his life choices, "LET US ENGAGE IN A YOUTHFUL COMPETITION OF JUMPING JACKS!"

Kakashi narrows his eyes at the thumbs-up the dramatically posing man holds inches from his nose. He hasn't turned down a challenge by Gai in over three years and the other man will probably not relent until he accepts this one as well.

 _What was the score again? 70 to 71?_

A quick examination of Gai's sweating form and he estimates that the Jounin has been training since dawn as usual. He could win that. Build up his lead again.

"One minute, the highest number wins?"

Gai grins and it has a blinding quality. "FIVE MINUTES!", he negotiates and Kakashi accepts. He lets the other man count down.

Five minutes later shows Kakashi to be the winner by a margin of three more jumping jacks. If given a minute longer, Gai might have won.

"YOU HAVE WON, MY HIP AND COOL RIVAL! I SHALL DO A THOUSAND PUSH-UPS AS PUNISHMENT!" With that exclamation Gai throws himself to the ground and starts turning those words into reality.

Sighing Kakashi stuffs his hands into his pockets and slouches his posture. It takes Gai a hundred push-ups to realize that he hasn't yet left and is watching him. Concerned, he slows his pace and looks up to him. Kakashi slouches further, unwilling to say what he wants to say but equally unwilling to back down from the task he has put himself to.

"Can you do the push-ups somewhere more private?"

At that Gai outright stops and stares at Kakashi for a very short moment, before leaping onto his feet with all his previous enthusiasm. "OF COURSE MY COOL AND HIP RIVAL! THERE IS A YOUTHFUL CLEARING PERFECT FOR TRAINING!" And he takes off. Kakashi sighs and jogs after the man, unhurried.

About a minute later he reaches the clearing Gai had been talking about. The spandex-clad man in question is already at it's centre and continuing his push-ups. Kakashi leans against one of the trees surrounding the clearing and subtly checks for any sign of other shinobi close by. There is none. Good.

"What do you know of Hikari?"

"Hikari-chan is a most Youthful Blossom of Konoha!" Gai still manages to sound about three times too enthusiastic, if Kakashi's opinion were to be asked, but he continues speaking without needing to be prompted and Kakashi can appreciate that.

"She is Dedicated to Good Work, her Spirit of Youth shines so brightly!" Apparently Gai is adept at multitasking, as he holds back Manly Tears of Joy while not slowing his exercise and continuing to talk. "Her Fire of Determination is an INSPIRATION. I WILL STRIVE TO BECOME A BETTER SHINOBI SO THAT SHE MAY BE INSPIRED AS WELL!"

Kakashi sighs. Maybe asking Gai had not been the best idea. But just then his ... rival sobers up and throws him a quick glance.

"Hikari-chan has a hard life", he states solemnly, immediately catching Kakashi's full attention, "After she came back healed, Hikari-chan was barely skin and bones. She's still too thin to be healthy, even though her clothes hide it better." Gai throws another glance in his direction. "She stole those clothes from the Uchiha-compound."

At that Kakashi stills. It takes a certain kind of character to break into and loot the sight of such a bloody massacre, to accuse such a young girl of it ... But then, the oversized, high-collared shirts she tends to wear lately do fit the mould of traditional Uchiha clan clothing.

"But she's a Good Person! A BEAUTIFUL BLOSSOM IN THE SPRINGTIME OF HER YOUTH!" There are a few push-ups that launch Gai straight into the air from his enthusiasm and as naïve as the man seems, Kakashi trusts his assessment of character even if suspicion still lingers.

"She Merely Lacks A Role Model To Show Her The Way Of The Righteous!"

There is a long pause, where Gai studies Kakashi, then he grins a wide, sparkling grin. "Why Are You So Interested, My Eternal Rival?!"

And that is the moment that Kakashi shunshins away, leaving only a spiral of fresh green leaves and chakra smoke behind. Gai's roaring, joyful laughter follows him, and that annoys Kakashi, but at least he has gotten enough information to let it rest.

He would look deeper into the case of the little kunoichi, if the team passes the bell test. It would be a waste to spend a lot of time on something of little consequence to himself, when they don't pass.

The bell test.

A show of teamwork.

If Minato-sensei had just seen that Kakashi was not capable of teamwork back then ...

 _No, it's not Minato-sensei's fault._ Kakashi slumps his shoulders and digs his hands into the pockets of his pants even as he skips through the forests between Konoha's training grounds. _I will just have to make sure that their teamwork is airtight._

 _I_ _won't damn those children to an early death just because I didn't see their incompetence early enough._

 _I won't lose another teammate._

Kakashi has lost too many already. He won't et attached to some green Genin just to watch them die.

Adjusting his course, he heads towards training ground three. When he touches down on the empty clearing he flies through the hand seals of a familiar technique, before slamming his hands down onto the ground distractedly.

 _Rin ... Obito ... I won't let your deaths be forgotten..._

 **-o-**

It's nearing four 'o clock in the afternoon. That's soon to be the fourth hour I've been waiting with my supposed teammates in an empty classroom. Neither of the boys have been especially eager to talk to me and I've long since given up on trying, instead sprawling as comfortably as possible in my seat.

I can't actually sleep or doze with people in the room that might be tempted to take advantage of any weakness I show, so I stare into nothingness, half listening to their occasional conversation, but mostly letting my thoughts roam over the vast amounts of information four years at the Academy have crammed into my head.

Sorting through the subjects taught during the first year is a mess. I pull it up to the forefront of my mind, look at it with the new perspective the time passed has given me and try to connect it to the knowledge I've acquired more recently. Even though I have an almost perfect eidetic memory, that much information can create it's own kind of forgetfulness and I have too keep up with it in order to realize it's full potential.

At least the task is time consuming and requires a lot of my attention, so the hours upon hours of waiting don't bother or bore me half as much as I expected them to. It's still a dull exercise that I tire of rather quickly.

After endless repetitions and recapitulations and even more uselessly tedious conversations between my male teammates, _finally_ the door to the room opens. It is not Kakashi that enters, though. It's a dog. One of his ninken, my foreknowledge identifies.

The dog has sandy brown fur that dips into a nice chocolate colour around its paws and along its long, floppy ears. It has large eyes, surrounded by patches of darker fur and a cute, black nose. Even on the first glance it's easily identifiable as a ninken by the hitai-ate the dog wears around his neck as well as the blue vest with the henohenomoheji on the back. The Kanji for "Shinobi" that's inked on its forehead is an especially subtle hint.

Kakashi's ninken seems to be as laid-back and unhurried as he himself likes to act. It walks slowly across the front of the room before jumping on the teachers desk and settling down before even looking at us with half-closed eyes. Then it waits for our reaction.

I wave at it. The dog looks at me, acknowledges my lazy greeting and turns towards the boys.

"Are you", Kenchiki starts, unsure, "Are you our Sensei?"

Not quite suppressing a snort, I take the elbow he shoves into my side without complaint even as the sandy-haired boy glares at me. The dog observes but still doesn't act. Instead it waits for the last of us.

Utamara scoffs, just as arrogant as he has always been, obviously seeing this situation as proof that both Kenchiki and I are childishly stupid or whatever. "No, idiot, they wouldn't make a _dog_ our Sensei."

"He's wearing a Konoha headband!", Kenchiki yells, incensed by the derision.

"Yes, but that doesn't make a dog our Sensei."

"But he has the symbol for shinobi on his face!"

"Which doesn't mean that he is one."

"That's a shinobi dog", I interject before the verbal spout can spiral further into stupidity, "It's a ninken."

Kenchiki turns around to scowl at me while Utamara scoffs again. "Well, what do you know?" is the black-haired snob's flippant dismissal.

"Correct."

And suddenly, all our eyes are glued to the front of the room, where the _dog_ had just _spoken_. _Wow, I thought the only one from Kakashi's pack that could speak was Pakkun. I guess not._

"Team Six, meet at training ground three, tomorrow six am. Don't eat breakfast. Dismissed."

A moment we just sit and stare at the dog that is still regarding us levelly and not moving to leave or anything the like itself. Then, Kenchiki and Utamara get up and make for he door, shooting the animal sidelong looks.

"I told you that's our Sensei!", I can hear Kenchiki whisper to his fellow boy.

"What?"

"He didn't deny it and he didn't say what was 'correct'."

I roll my eyes at the boy before getting up to leave as well, but before I can reach the door, the smooth male voice of the dog halts me in my steps.

"Wait a minute."

When I turn around to face the canine he is sniffing the air, his tail swishing over the table top in irregular movements.

"Come here", the ninken demands and I oblige, coming to stand a step in front of the desk he sits on. As soon as I am closer the ninken stands and leans forward to sniff at me more closely. His tail stands up in attention as he narrows his eyes, considering. A moment passes in silence, before the ninken speaks again.

"Pup, do you know your father?", he asks and quite suddenly I feel very uncomfortable. Stepping back a pace, I stuff my hands into my pockets to prevent myself from fidgeting. _Does he know? How does he know? Can he smell it?_

"Yes", I answer hesitantly, "I know. Do you?"

The dog tilts his head slightly, considering. "I'm a chakra sensor. There are similarities." Which is as vague a statement as any, but I understand what he's telling me nonetheless. Tilting his head to the other side he asks, "Does he know as well?"

Hitching my shoulders up, I avoid the dog's eyes. "No, he doesn't." I risk a short look toward the animal, "At least I haven't told him. Don't want to burden him any more."

Maybe I shouldn't be so honest and it surprises myself even that I am, but lying to a dog is just futile. They are good judges of character. At least honesty toward an animal doesn't come as hard to me as honesty toward my fellow humans. _Is that a weird thing? Is that bad?_

For a few more moments the ninken studies me. "Alright", he says, before disappearing with a puff of chakra.

Suddenly alone in the abandoned classroom, I look around wearily before heading out as well.

Outside the Academy the sun is shining and there is some early evening traffic on the street as people bustle toward the market. Summer usually brings an amiable atmosphere to Konoha's citizens. People aren't as stressed over food or heating or about leaking roofs.

Children enjoy playing in the sunshine, chasing each other along the roads and through the legs of passers-by in games of tag and ninja, their parents mostly unconcerned for their safety because as much as the civilians may scoff at the shinobi, Konoha's ninja will protect her future.

Their feeling of safety is founded as well, because if I remember my Naruto canon correctly, child-snatchers such as Danzo or Orochimaru got their little experiments from outside Konoha's walls. Most of the time, that is. Danzo isn't above "recruiting" talent from the clans either. Or luring promising students from the Academy. But that usually happens to orphans ... so parents don't have to be afraid.

 _Go Konoha! Such a safe place for your children to grow up in!_

I stuff my hands into my pockets and kick a loose pebble along the street. Itachi has warned me away from Danzo. In the last scroll he left me, he transcribed a lot of detail and information and _even evidence_ of Danzo's illegal scheming. _Why_ on _earth_ he would lay such sensitive material at my feet, I have no idea.

The knowledge that I have a hidden a scroll that could bring one of _the_ most dangerous men in Konoha down on my head makes me nervous every time I think about it, but there's nothing I can do right now except keep a low profile and heed Itachi's warnings.

"DYNAMIC ENTRY!"

There's a crash directly in front of me. People scream and scatter as a plume of road dust erupts in the street and obscures the vision. Utterly baffled, I stumble before grinding to a halt directly in front of the disturbed dirt cloud.

For the measure of a heartbeat there is utter silence, before ...

"WHAT A YOUTHFUL DAY! HIKARI-CHAN! YOU ARE SUCH A BRIGHT BLOSSOM IN THE SPRINGTIME OF LIFE! SUCH INSPIRATION! I WILL RUN A HUNDRED LAPS AROUND KONOHA!"

I let out a breath and can't help but slump in face of Gai's enthusiasm. It's hard to keep a low profile if he seeks me out and yells speeches at me in the middle of the street.

And sure enough, when the dust settles, Gai is pointing a thumbs-up at me with an utterly _blindingly white_ grin, his favourite sunset genjutsu in place. Not even a blind person could miss the fact that all of that is directed at me.

 _Dammit!_

"Hello, Maito-san", I say, because there is no reason to be impolite in front of such a large audience. Of course, the mere hint of a friendly response sends Gai to tears, sobbing about Beautiful Youth (!) before he suddenly snaps me up and dashes towards the closest training grounds.

By the time we get there I feel nothing but sheer exhaustion. The day has not been kind to me.

First I get assigned two teammates that either can't stand me or don't take me and my skills seriously. Then, they tell us that _Hatake Kakashi_ is going to be our Jounin-sensei. Only for him to not even show up and instead sending one of his ninken, who then _asks me about my longest held secret_.

And I don't even know if the dog plans to tell Kakashi about his fatherhood. _Would it be so bad, if he did?_

 _Yes. Kakashi isn't quite in the right state of mind yet. That would be too much ..._ _And it's not like I need him to be my father. Maybe I can convince my teammates to work with me enough to pass the test. Then Kakashi will be my Sensei. No need for him to be a parent as well ..._ _Right?_

"I HEARD THAT HIKARI-CHAN GRADUATED THE ACADEMY!", bellows Gai before he sets me back down on solid ground. I rub at my ear while taking a few steps away from him.

"Well, yes", I admit, pushing my hitai-ate further up on my forehead. Unsurprisingly, I'm still not used to wearing it in that position. _Maybe I need to put it somewhere else on my body..._ As long as the village symbol is easily spotted, shinobi are allowed to wear their hitai-ate however they please. I just wasn't inspired enough to put it anywhere but my forehead. _The knot is messing with my hair though ... So annoying_...

Gai smiles and his teeth sparkle. Which is a thing with Gai. I've seen it often enough. But it still throws me from time to time.

"Have You Met Your Team Yet?!", questions the man in what he probably assumes to be a calm tone.

I snort, both at the thought of Gai's idea of reasonable volume and at his question. "Well, I've been placed on a team under Hatake Kakashi", I inform him dryly. Before I can add a sarcastic "He was so late that he didn't even show up" Gai beams and yells excitedly.

"I KNOW!"

There is a double thumbs up, framing his happy face. It looks ridiculous, but that's not what occupies my thoughts.

"You ... know?"

"YES! I RECOMMENDED YOU TO BE PUT ON HIS TEAM!" Gai looks very satisfied, even though his massive grin hasn't shifted at all, "AND HOKAGE-SAMA AGREED WITH MY SUGGESTION!"

 _I ..._ _Wh- ..._ _WHY?!_

"Why?"

My voice leaves my mouth weakly, barely more than a whisper.

 _Why would Gai ever do such a thing? I thought he was a good person, why would he ...?_

I just can't wrap my head around it. _Why would he damn me to a team that's destined to be failed?_

"I Knew That You And Kakashi Are Friends! Being On A Team Together Will Only Deepen Your BOND OF YOUTHFUL FRIENDSHIP!" He poses excitedly, throwing another genjutsu with roaring breaking waves in, to emphasize his point.

I stare at him.

For a very long minute, there is nothing I can say.

Then

"Maito-san, I feel that it would be better if we weren't to see each other for a while."

I hide my anger, my disappointment, my _utter despair,_ behind a fake smile and a forced platitude. Maybe Gai meant it to be helpful, but I know that if I fail tomorrow because I was stuffed on a team with uncooperative teammates under an unnecessary harsh Sensei, there is no way that I can forgive him.

Even now I find it hard to look at him.

 _It's so unnecessary._

 _It could have been so much easier._

 _But he had to go and smush me and_ isi _together._

 _There is no way that it will work out._

 _And it isn't even random chance that brought me such bad luck. It's Gai._

I turn on my heel and leave the training ground. Gai is silent behind me.

Tomorrow will show whether or not he had the right idea, but I seriously doubt it.


	14. The Bell Test

AN: Moi moi, dear readers. Peruma here. So, this was a chapter that I had more or less planned since before even starting this story. It's something I've been dying to write, but somehow I still couldn't muster up the motivation to actually write all that much the last week. It's really stupid. But anyway, now I've finished it and even though I'm not really all that happy with it, I'll just upload it and get on with the story. I'm not all that good with writing fight scenes in English yet, so please excuse me if it sounds a little wooden, I tried my best. Oh, and I based a lot of the team's interaction in this chapter on _Naruto Shippuden_ 's episode 360, if any of you were wondering. (But only rewatch that after reading, please)

Anywho, onto community service! Once again, I thank _all_ my lovely reviewers for taking the time to drop a comment. Every single one of you brightens my day and it's a great way to guilt trip me into writing when I'm feeling lazy ;) Unless its a demand for an update ... That doesn't motivate nearly as much as a "Thank you for the chapter". But that's just me. Nevertheless, I enjoy all of your reviews, no matter what you decide to write :)

Before we get started, I just wanted to congratulate all the smart cookies that figured out that the ninken last chapter was Bisuke. Did you have to look that up? Because I definatly didn't know all of Kakashi's dogs before writing this story.

To **_orlha_** : Technically Kakashi isn't famous for failing his teams _yet_ , because this is his first team. So Gai honestly couldn't know the outcome, it's just Hikari that knows at this point. Still frustrating, though.

To **_JaguarVakarian_** : You are absolutely right, continual sorrow does get kinda dull in a story. However, I was of the opinion that I _was_ putting some bright spots in here and there. Were they too little?

To **_iluvstorys_** : Hehe, you are correct, by now Hikari's insistence that Kakashi will be better off without knowing is stupid and needlessly making her life difficult. But she herself hasn't realized that and it's hard to change your mind on an opinion you've held for such a long time.

To **_CANT HANDLE THIS VANILLA_** : Yes, in the depths of my shrivelled black heart I am only plotting how to make Hikari suffer even more. Muhahaha.

To **_yankey_** : Why would the Inuzuka find out? That ninken was one of Kakashi's summon animals xD And yes, Itachi is aware that Hikari dealt with her injury herself, which is why he left her a warning and evidence against Danzo should she get in trouble with him. That doesn't include anything about the massacre though, so Itachi is unaware that Hikari knows the truth. And yeah, Hikari is a bit hard on Gai, but she's too frustrated to be fair. Emotions are hard to ignore like that.

To **_Puppet Dragon_** : Hoo, that's a very keen analysis. Yes, the first thing Bisuke did when returning to the summoning realm was to inform the pack. They had a giant argument on what to do and whether or not Bisuke was even correct in his suspicion. The result was that Pakkun, as pack leader, gets to decide the next time Kakashi summons him. Y'know, if you were wondering. I actually decided to involve Kakashi's ninken because so many people suggested it and it fit pretty well into the plot. And yeah, Gai and Kakashi aren't very nosy for elite shinobi. Gai because he genuinely wants to get to know Hikari by interacting with her, and Kakashi because he doesn't want to admit he cares :P And yes, Hikari always walks the hardest path because I'm sick and tired of Self Inserts getting everything they want or need just because they're the main character.

To **_Ardishana_** : Wow, thank you for that very thoughtful review! Nice assessment of Kakashi's ninken, you're on the right track, though I won't say more than that. And we are all awaiting the moment when finally Kakashi knows he's the baby daddy, it's gonna be such a drama, I can already feel it itching in my fingertips. Yes, Iruka is a very good teacher who wouldn't have turned a blind eye to bullying or Hikari's condition, but I can't imagine everybody is so enthused to be stuck in the village teaching a bunch of brats. It's not like Konoha trains her shinobi to be good teachers. Oh, and about mutant rats: Ever heard of Lamarck? Many writers are obviously big fans of Lamarckian evolution :P But yeah, them meeting Tora would be hilarious, I might even write that :)

To **_j'aimel'anime44163_** : I would say "Google is your friend", but I tried and in this case it really isn't. _Isi_ is Finnish, a language I personally like a lot even if I can barely speak it.

To **_The Eigth Shichibukai_** : Aww, I love you too :3 And I keep telling you people, I did not originally plan for Benjiro to die but you keep planting such mean ideas in my head ...

To **_cwrywn_** : Thank you for the reviews! And remember, even adult minds can be meek. Not every adult is a strong indipendant personality who doesn't take shit from no-one. Also, Hikari won't hurt dogs ... probably :P

To **_greenisacolorto_** : Pff, you're not the only one who wanted Itachi to murder Keiko as well, but woe me, I didn't do it :P Got other plans for that woman :D

To **_Diaholilyn_** : Why thanks! Cool that you noticed that I'm trying to build up the over-all tension constantly instead of working in arcs :D

 **I do not own Naruto.**

 **14**

Dawn cracks over Konoha, chasing the moody twilight away with the first errant rays of sunshine. I have spent the whole night at my alley, unable to sleep and too wary to be up and about in the Uchiha compound. Sitting on top of the long since empty cages in the dead end, I watch the sky lighten gradually. My tired body is set in its cross-legged position, back straight and my hands linked in the Monkey seal.

Channelling my chakra through the seal helps calming it, keeping a steady and slow flow throughout the body. It's about as much rest as I can give it without sleeping.

Using the hand seals has a much different effect on my chakra flow now as opposed to my first forays into the topic before I messed up my coils. I understand why it changed, of course, but it peeves me that even with my little work-around I'm unable to fully recover from the incident.

As for the reason why the hand seals refuse to work properly...

The human chakra network is especially well developed in the hands and, to a lesser extend, in the feet. Each finger, except for the pinkie, has one major pathway running down its length, two in case of the thumb even. Those pathways connect in the metacarpus to a network of pathways that run together into two points at the wrist and continue into the coils of the forearm from there.

At every natural intersection of chakra vessels there is a tenketsu, a "joint" in the chakra network, from which chakra can enter or exit the coils more readily than along the walls of chakra vessels. Naturally, since there are a lot of pathways criss-crossing through the back of a human hand, there are a disproportional amount of tenketsu in the hand as well, which leads to chakra being most easily manipulated by using one's hands.

Hand seals are designed to connect certain tenketsu near the epidermis by placing them in close proximity to each other. This creates a loop with the coils of the arms and chest, through which chakra can continuously flow and be shaped. The smoothest loop created by hand seals is the Monkey. You choose a direction and simply push chakra along the track, running clockwise or counter-clockwise along the circle of your arms. It's beautiful and soothing and perfect for deep meditation.

Other hand seals create a comparatively disturbed chakra flow, which is useful if you need to shape your chakra into a specific form or pattern in order to execute a jutsu.

However, thanks to the ruptures in _my_ chakra pathways -that, annoyingly, _still_ haven't healed even just a _little_ \- and the resulting detours I need to guide my chakra through, which quite often avoid tenketsu that are too close to the ruptures, the flow that the different seals produce is much more erratic. It's a toss-up whether the truly messy state of my vessels or my conscious guiding of the flow creates more disturbances but the end result is mostly useless.

At this point it's certainly easier to figure out what effects certain seals would have on the over-all chakra flow in a normal system and then mimic it without using the seals. Which is how I am able to perform the three basic Academy jutsu. It was a lot more work to learn them like that, since we were taught the sequence of hand seals and the theory behind the jutsu but not in detail how the chakra is supposed to move to achieve the wanted result, which meant that I had to reconstruct and understand the techniques on a deeper level than my classmates.

In the end, that approach granted me a much better control over the jutsu as well as being able to perform them sealless, a major achievement on its own. I have to admit though that I'm not fast enough in executing the techniques to use them in combat yet. Pushing your chakra through a few seals is a lot easier and faster done than to coerce it into the correct pattern from scratch.

The monkey seal is the only one of the twelve that I can still use without much hindrance and I greatly appreciate the smooth quality it gives my chakra. On sleepless nights like this one, I sometimes spend hours meditating like this, calming the body and letting the mind roam until it distils into nothingness.

There is only one major downside to it.

My limbs are stiff as plywood.

Groaning, I loosen my position, carefully pulling my feet down from the thighs they rested on. My knees creak ominously and I rub the top of my legs, hoping to get the blood flow up again fast. Raising my arms over my head, I stretch the kinks out of my wrists and shoulders, curling and uncurling my fingers before I turn my torso this way and that to tease out a series of pops from my spine.

I shake out my limbs and stand up, climbing down from the cages in the process. Most of my gear is still in the Uchiha compound and it would be a good idea to retrieve what I need for today now rather than when the sun has fully risen over the horizon, so I head out of the alley in that direction.

The streets are quiet yet, the morning too early for even the early birds. Only a few shinobi and the occasional nurse stumbling home from a nightshift can be seen. Actually, there are more than a few people that I would peg as civilian doctors or nurses around. It seems as if the small, civilian clinic has its shift change around this time of the day. I know that the one in Konoha central isn't for another few hours yet.

 _Huh, well, the more you know._

Nobody takes notice of me, or, at least they don't pay much attention, which is alright by me. Many of Konoha's populace know me by sight, since I spend a whole lot of my time out and about in the streets and roadways. Stall and buisness owners know to keep a keen eye on their wares whenever they spot me, but since I've not yet been caught with my fingers in someone else's pockets, passers-by mostly ignore my presence. Like I'm part of the scenery.

It's good to be inconspicuous like that. It means no-one takes an interest when I stroll up the street to the gate leading into the walled-off Uchiha district. If I don't do that too often in plain sight, nobody cares even the slightest where I go. By now I have probably explored all of Konoha except for the other clan compounds. Civilian or shinobi doesn't matter in that case, because neither welcome random strangers into their holdings.

It's kind of what a compound is for, actually. To provide those living within privacy from the plebeians. But no-one lives in the Uchiha compound anymore, so no-one really looks out for strangers trying to enter. People just don't. The idea that these streets were drenched in blood not too long ago is enough to ward off most people. Konoha might be a shinobi village and civilians living here might have accepted that they live so close to murderers, but the Uchiha massacre shook everyone to their core and the empty compound is an uncomfortable reminder of it.

Once inside the district, I keep to the walls of the looming buildings, inhabited by none but ghosts. The Uchiha district is large, larger than most other clan compounds, but space wasn't a luxury for the clan members, back when they were still alive. The buildings along the main road are just as crammed as those in Konoha's central buisness district.

From what I understand, every last Uchiha shinobi had been forced to relocate into the district after it was established. With a clan that large, that had been mixing with and flourishing among Konoha's populace, that had made for a very sudden, very dramatic influx in inhabitants.

I know from Itachi that the Uchiha valued their families and relations. Before the Kyuubi incident, no-one, not even the stuffiest of clan elders, would have denied their relatives the right to move out of the compound and follow their dreams. So long as they stay in close contact to the clan, was understood without being stated. Having to pull back and shackle their family to an existence few were satisfied with must have hurt even the coldest conservative's heart.

There had been a reason that when Uchiha Madara tried to rile his clan up for revolution, they had refused. Even his peers had seen the way their family prospered in Konoha and had not wanted to disturb the peace achieved after unending times of war.

The Uchiha had been loyal to Konoha, in complete support of the idea it was founded on.

Now, I walk through the ghosts left behind by a family, betrayed by those they thought comrades and brothers-in-heart. Isolated without reason despite their never-ending love for the village. Shackled and bound to the job they had once been prideful to fulfil, unthanked and despised, until they learned to hate it.

One cannot hate without having loved first.

It is why I can't bring myself to hate that woman, now that I am out of her grasp. I have never loved her, never expected her to love me and never disappointed in that. She is scum, she is despicable, there is nothing good I can tell of her, but still I have no motivation to go and take bloody revenge on her.

The Uchiha, however, had loved Konoha. Loved it so much that the rejection they faced and the disappointment they felt, was enough to plan a violent coup to regain the standing they had lost.

I wonder if I am the only one that can see it. Whenever Itachi had slipped and hinted at the dilemma he had faced, he never seemed to truly _understand_ what drove his father and the elders to plot civil war. He saw it as wrong, as an unproductive attempt to fix something only time and good PR could soothe, and it was. But humans are don't always make logical decisions. Not even shinobi trained to be unfeeling tools can escape emotions. Every human action is decided upon in emotions. Whether someone acts on their feelings or acts in denial of their feelings, the decision will always be influenced.

I reach the house I have been inhabiting for a good half year now. It starts to stand out as the only one not showing signs of disrepair. The detail is barely noticeable now, but I am sure that it will start becoming more obvious the longer I keep the maintenance up.

It's an unnecessary risk, but I nobody can claim that I am driven by logical decisions.

When I enter through the front door to the sight of the hallway, of the open shoji doors leading to kitchen and living room and the stairs leading up to the second story, it feels more like coming home than anything else I have experienced since my rebirth.

The house looks exactly like when I first entered it, during an especially freezing winter night, plagued by the howling winds and descending snow. There is no dust to be seen, no stains on the new tatami mats, possibly exchanged when their former owner stained them red in a most irreversible way. Every book and scroll on the shelves are in the same position as I found them in, even if I did read all of them.

When I walk into the small guest room I have been sleeping in, there is no sign of my passing, except for the continued tidiness. I open the cupboard let into the wall, looking at the folded up futon residing there. Pulling it out reveals the space left for a second futon, that the former owner never got around to buying.

There are all my worldly possessions, sealed away into a neatly stacked pile of scrolls. All of them written and gifted by Itachi. The only one missing is the one tied with a pretty, red bow. That one lies buried twenty metres into the ground under the tatami mats of the living room.

I have memorized all the information it has to offer.

I will not unearth it willingly until I am ready to use it against Danzo.

I shudder at the possibility of it being discovered.

Pushing thoughts of inconspicuous scrolls and unbearable burdens aside, I unseal a fresh set of rumpled clothes as well as a thigh holster for weapons and a hair tie. After I change into the overly large clothes I have sewn to better fit me, I bandage the ends of the cut off shinobi pants to my calves as well as the place on my right thigh I clip my holster to, I tie my wild hair into a tail that sits heavily against my neck.

With the mop out of the way, I set my hitai-ate over my forehead where it belongs. Even if an enemy shinobi decides to grab the cloth it's sewn on instead of my pony tail, it will simply slip off and enable me to escape the grip.

I don't eat any of the unperishables sealed into the scrolls, partly because Kakashi ordered no breakfast to be eaten, but also because I have eaten my fill at the dumpster in my alley yesterday evening. By now I'm more than used to only eating once a day and it's not a problem as long as that one meal is enough to satisfy my needs.

My way out of the Uchiha compound leads through the back door, which I close carefully behind me, and over the district wall bordering the house's back yard.

Around quarter past five, I'm at the memorial stone. A long time I simply stare at it, letting my thoughts trail along inconsistencial paths. Then, Kenchiki arrives, hurrying into the clearing by the training post with a good ten minutes to spare.

He promptly doubles over to catch his breath. The training ground is comparatively close to the centre village, but it is still far enough for a civilian to consider it a long way. Why a Genin, no matter how fresh, struggles with the length of the track is not quite understandable to me.

 _Maybe he got lost?_

Either way, I decide to join him in the neighbouring clearing where the three training posts reside.

"Good morning", I greet.

"Morning", Kenchiki wheezes without looking up. When he finally does, his eyes widen in surprise and a near silent "Oh" escapes his lips, before he frowns. I decide to ignore the reaction.

"How are you?"

For a very long, uncomfortable moment Kenchiki remains silent. Then he seems to decide that talking to me won't necessarily end in a catastrophe, because he replies with a scowled "Fine". He doesn't return the question, instead glowering at me with tired eyes. I decide to ignore that as well and focus on the fact that he responded in the first place.

"What do you think we will be doing today?" Of course, I am pretty certain that we will have to face the bell test, but I'm trying to make small talk, not actually have a real conversation.

"Training, obviously." Kenchiki tries to scoff, but he can't put the amount of derision and disdain into it other people manage. The effect is so minimal, it's negligible.

"That makes sense", I concede, "So, what shinobi class are you most interested in? I find genjutsu pretty interesting."

Kenchiki scowls and gestures toward the short sword strapped to his back. "Kenjutsu." And with that he turns away decisively and sits down at the base of one training post.

Holding back a sigh, I settle myself with crossed legs on top of the post next to the one Kenchiki uses as a backrest. A few minutes later, Utamara enters the clearing. He sees us, scoffs derisively, suppresses a yawn rather badly and leans against a tree, trying way to hard to look aloof and dignified.

The hours drag on in silence, except for the yawns that go around. Kenchiki starts dosing with closed eyes about an hour into the wait. By the two hour mark, Utamara has given up his act and sat down in the patchy grass and plays with a kunai.

I practise my hand seals, cataloguing the reactions they cause in my chakra flow. Then, I decide to start prodding my network to make yet another small pathway circumventing a rupture. This one should branch off right behind a tenketsu and very closely pass by the ruptured vessel. It takes a few, painful tries before I have found a good path for the single tendril of chakra around the tissues still damaged with chakra poisoning.

Those scars around my injuries are only very slowly receding and getting better, but at least they have made marked improvements. At the rate they are healing, I would suspect the soft tissue damage to me negligible with another year left to heal.

The injured vessels themselves show no signs of knitting back together. The vessel walls around the ruptures are stiff and hardened, not pliable and somewhat flexible as they should be, and I can only assume that through the massive amounts of chakra that pushed their way out of my coils have, sort of, cauterized the edges or the rips, blocking any tentative healing that might otherwise have happened.

But that's only my current theory.

It might be completely off.

That has happened to me before. If I think back on the time I played around with the chakra output in a live rat brain's hippocampus ... Well, the primary results were not at all what I had envisioned.

 _It's been a long time since I've played around with my rats ..._ _Such a shame that all_ my _rats are dead and gone. I guess that means, I'll have to source some new test subjects if I have the time._

 _If I don't pass Kakashi's test._

 _Maybe he would take me as an apprentice? Even if he fails the team as a whole?_

But I know that it's unlikely. Not only do I fully expect Kakashi to insist of only teaching a team of Genin, if at all, because he believes it's needed to learn proper teamwork. I also remember very keenly how Kakashi ran after I asked him to teach me something _once_.

A girl can hope, though.

 _I wonder if his ninken talked to him yet._

At the thought, I pause and take a look at my feelings. _Would I even be upset if Kakashi learns he's my father now?_

It feels wrong. Kakashi is probably still not in a right mind, having been released from Anbu just a few months ago. And I don't explicitly _need_ his help. I'm more than capable of handling myself.

But it would be nice not _having_ to look after myself. It would be a dream to wear clothes I didn't steal from empty houses and not to stink of trash every time I eat a full meal.

 _Would it be so bad if Kakashi was my father? In more than just as a contributor to my genes?_ _What kind of father would he even be if he knew?_

"Yo."

 _Speak of the devil and he shall appear._

From one moment to the next, Kakashi is standing in the middle of the clearing, facing us with a slump in his shoulders and his hands in his pockets. He looks wholly unbothered when Kenchiki jumps up and accuses him of being late.

When the man simply shrugs in answer, Kenchiki looks about read to go on a rant. A rant which I am not interested in hearing. At all. Which is why I _accidentally_ bump into him when I slide off the training post. It works well to redirect him because he rounds on me and aims a punch at my shoulder in retribution.

I back off just enough for him to miss me and hold my hands up in a peaceable gesture. It doesn't mean much for a shinobi, especially when it puts the hands in a better position to attack or defend. But it does the trick and Kenchiki doesn't follow up, instead he scowls and turns back to our supposed Sensei.

Kakashi hadn't bothered to intervene in our byplay, but when Utamara joins us on Kenchiki's other side, he eyes each of us critically.

"Now that you are done with your childish squabble..." -a disapproving eye lands on me and Kenchiki and both of us flinch- "...we can continue. My name is-"

"Kakashi-sensei, right?", drawls Utamara and I don't know whether it's balls or stupidity that gives him the idea to interrupt a Jounin. Konoha might be more lenient than other Villages but talking back to a superior is not tolerated here either.

"Look", the suicidal boy continues, sticking his pointy nose upwards in a display of pure arrogance, "let's just get this over with. Who cares about the formalities?"

I know that it's hard for most people to interpret Kakashi's expression, but the utter contempt with which the Jounin is regarding him should have been obvious to Utamara. Apparently the boy has no self-preservation, though, because he _continues talking_ , taking Kakashi's silence as agreement.

"So, I hear that you were going to test us today, right?"

"Right", agrees Kakashi in a flat tone, cutting off anything else my idiot teammate might have added. He pulls his right hand out of his pants pocket and dangles two silver bells on red string in front of our faces. "Your task is to retrieve the bells from me, whoever doesn't have a bell by noon fails the test and goes back to the Academy. Use any means at your disposal. Begin."

There is a moment of quiet as Kakashi attached the little bells to his belt and once again pockets his hand. Then the boys charge at him. I draw a kunai and follow closely behind Kenchiki.

Utamara's kunai swipe is easily dodged and repaid with a kick to the sternum that sends the boy flying back through the clearing.

Kenchiki has drawn his short sword and holds it out to the right as he runs at Kakashi. He's just turning it into a wide swing, probably aimed at the Jounin's unprotected middle, when Kakashi's foot swipes in an upward arc, catching the boys torso and launching him into the air.

I use the opening to dash forwards, aiming to cut into Kakashi's hamstring with the kunai in my right while my left hand makes a grab for the bells. But before I can reach him, the man brings down the foot he raised, delivering a punishing hammer blow onto my shoulder. I fold like a wet blanket, eating dirt when I hit the ground. A heartbeat later, a kick to the side sends me tumbling across the ground and away from Kakashi's position.

Wheezing, I get up. My side hurts, but it isn't much of an injury, so I can ignore it easily enough. Rolling my shoulder, I test the flexibility of the joint, but again the hit, painful as it was, didn't do much damage.

Palming another kunai to replace the one I dropped, I circle around Kakashi's back while he fends off the boys easily without ever needing his hands. I'm under no illusion that Kakashi has failed to notice me creeping out of his line of sight, but maybe I can still manipulate him into one of the boys' attacks. That counts as teamwork, right?

Warily I creep forward, moving with Kakashi in order to stay at his back, while he almost lazily defends himself from my teammates. As I get myself into range to attack, I try to catalogue the boy's fighting styles to predict their movements and plan for my own.

Surprisingly, Kenchiki's movements are not as obvious in their pattern as Utamara's. The sandy-haired boy lost his sword during his first failed charge and is now slashing away with kunai that he liberally flings at Kakashi whenever the Jounin evades his attacks. Given that the angles at which he throws them are not exactly advantageous, none of them have the momentum or accuracy to actually contribute to the fight, but it is creative. He seems to improvise now that his trained attacks have proven ineffective. I'm not sure whether that is a good idea, but since this is a controlled environment it won't get him hurt either.

 _Why do I care whether or not he gets hurt?_

 _No, wait, they're supposed to be my teammates, I should care._

Shaking off the unnecessary thoughts, I continue to creep forwards, doing my absolute best to be silent and stay out of Kakashi's sight.

Then the perfect opportunity presents itself.

Kakashi has just evaded one of Kenchiki's attacks by lazily dancing out of his reach and Utamara is advancing from his left with his own attack. If I'm right, Kenchiki will flick his kunai at Kakashi from where he overstretched.

Immediately I draw a fistful of shuriken with my free hand and hurl them to Kakashi's at the same time as Kenchiki lets his kunai fly. The weapons limit his possibilities of dodging, so Kakashi needs to move left towards Utamara's strike. After I let go of the shuriken, I charge at where I suspect Kakashi might move to, flanking him and turning Utamara's solo attack into a pincer manoeuvre.

And to my utter surprise it seems to work. Kakashi evades Kenchiki's kunai by moving left, directly between me and Utamara. He throws a glance over his shoulder at me just before my kunai touches the back of his vest.

In the next moment he is gone. I can barely follow his movement when he backflips over my head, before I realize that my momentum will carry me right into Utamara's strike.

And it will carry him straight into my kunai.

Fear races through me and I wrench my arm to the side with all my speed and power, wanting to get rid of the sharp weapon before colliding with my teammate. Chakra sings through my muscles and the kunai veers off into the field just the fraction of a moment before Utamara bodychecks me.

Barely, I manage to keep my balance with liberal use of chakra to enhance the muscles in my leg. But I needn't have tried to prevent us falling into a tangle of limbs because a kick to me back a second later sends both of us flying across the clearing.

We hit the ground and roll a few metres before we are able to separate and get up again.

I brush off my clothes with a wince, not appreciating the way Utamara's foot had dug into my stomach in our tumble.

"You're so clumsy!" comes a seething voice to my right. I look up to a scowling black-haired boy doing his level best to glare me to death. For a moment, I forget that this is supposed to be a team exercise and round on him.

"What?! How am I clumsy?! You're the one that -"

I'm distracted by Kenchiki rolling to a stop some few steps away. _Right. Now's not the time. Maybe I should communicate with them and make a plan together..._

"Nevermind", I backpedal, "You're right. My fault. Clumsy. Sorry about that."

My apology is insincere and from the way that Utamara's glare doesn't let up, he doesn't buy it. Whatever. Not my problem.

"Maybe we should, y'know, coordinate our attacks? Work together as a, y'know, team? Eichi-sensei said that a team of Genin should be able to hold off a Jounin, remember?"

I trail off uncertainly, noting the way that Utamara's expression moved from anger to disdain.

"Not that you would be able to help, then. Nobody knows how _you_ even passed the test."

"Yeah", pants Kenchiki, happy about the distraction from being utterly humiliated by our Sensei, "How ... How could the ... ah, the mumbling, stumbling retard ... help us against a Jounin?"

I scowl at him, annoyed. He's the one with apparently no stamina at all and he's calling _me_ useless? _What a fucking hypocrite!_

"Hey, you know what? I just had an idea", says Utamara with a tone that instantly makes me wary. I've come to associate it with especially mean pranks being pulled on me in the past. The boys exchange a look and when an understanding glint enters Kenchiki's eyes, I take a step back, tension running through my body. I really don't want to know what they are thinking.

"Yeah", pronounces Kenchiki slowly, "There are only two bells", he continues and swiftly validates to my apprehension, "Only two places on the team", his gaze shifts to me and he draws a kunai, Utamara copies him with a smirk.

"Come on, guys", I try to placate them, taking another step back and raising my open palms, "We should focus on the task here, right?"

"The task is for weeding out the weak. We can do that right now and save some time." Both boys have taken on the Academy basic stance, they share another look.

"Even if you take me out now, you still have to get the bells", I reason, sliding my feet into a more balanced position and starting to pool chakra in the coils of my thighs, ready to provide a burst of speed, "Three to one is a better chance at success than two to one, right?"

Kenchiki looks back to me and palms another kunai, flipping it into a reverse hold, "Not if you are sabotaging our efforts."

"Yeah", Utamara drawls, his entire posture oozing arrogance and superiority, "What could the mumbling, stumbling-"

He is cut off when I draw and throw a kunai at his feet, forced to take a step back to avoid being pinned to the ground.

"Stop calling me that", I growl. I hate that title. I don't want Kakashi to hear them call me that. I'm not just some idiot.

There is another second of stillness, before the boys lunge at me. I throw myself backwards with blurring speed, evading the kunai Kenchiki hurls at me as I get some distance from them.

But, unfortunately, running backwards in a rush is not the best idea. My heel catches against a stone protruding from the ground and I fall on my ass.

Just like that, my lead is gone and I only have time to palm another kunai before they are onto me.

Or, at least, they would have been onto me.

In the last second before the boys can close in on my position, a cloud of dust erupts between me and them, the impact of something hitting the ground blowing loose sand into our faces. A heartbeat later, wind rips the dust apart and reveals Kakashi, staring at us with a thunderous expression.

"That's enough." His voice is cold as ice as he looks at each of us in turn. "All of you fail."

My stomach drops.

 _I ... I failed?_

It's exactly what I expected would happen, but I still can't quite believe it. My chance of being in a team is so _easily_ crushed? My chance to have Kakashi, to have _isi_ be my Sensei, destroyed in less than an hour. _Less than an hour! Why-?_

Hard, stone-grey eyes land on me as I look up at him. "You're going back to the Academy."

And just like that, Kakashi vanishes in a shunshin.

My chest clenches painfully and my eyes burn as I get up from the ground, but I hold back the traitorous tears.

"Whaaaat?" Kenchiki's confused exclamation makes me round on him and the other boy.

"You assholes!", I yell at them, overcome by a sudden anger and unable to keep it in, "Couldn't you just have cooperated?! No! You just had to be stupid!"

"He-"

Kenchiki's protest is cut off when I hurl the kunai in my hand at him hilt first. He attempts to dodge, but the ring still clips him in the shoulder. Before he can retaliate or even open his mouth for whatever _stupid_ response he might have, I flee, jumping into the trees surrounding the clearing.

I tune out what both of my former classmates are calling after me, only vaguely aware that they sound angry as well as I climb higher and higher into the treetops. Soon enough the branches get too thin to support my jumps and when I look down, I realize that I'm at least fifteen metres from the ground.

It's enough for the boy's voices to be faint background noise, easily ignored. It's enough that they won't find me if they come looking for a fight. It's enough space to hide myself away as the anger fades and disappointment crashes down on me with the weight of a freight train.

I climb over onto an adjacent tree with thicker foliage and settle in the crook of a branch, not acknowledging the tremble in my hand, nor the hitch in my breath, nor the stinging in my eyes. Shaking arms embrace a tree trunk, forehead pressed into the rough bark, eyes closed to the world. I try to think about possibilities, _this is not the end of the world_ , attempt to make plans for the future, _life goes on_ , want to ignore how my chest tightens further and further, _you lived through death, how bad can this realistically be_ , until I choke on the throbbing knot in my throat.

I cry. Tears and snot covering my face disgustingly, pathetically, but I can't get myself to stop. I cry until I am so exhausted that I almost slip off the branch.

At the last moment, I manage to regain my balance on the branch, my heart racing as my chest heaves tired breaths as I stare into the foliage beneath me. _Would they stop my fall if I slip?_

 _Do I even care?_

It's a good question, but unnecessary. I don't plan on falling to my death, so I need to get off this tree before I fall asleep. Gingerly, I pick my way down the branches of the giant flora. More than once my grip wavers and my watery eyes betray me, but I am always fast and strong enough to catch and correct my mistakes before I slip.

The descent takes forever, draining the last energy I might have had after exhausting myself with an entirely unnecessary crying fit. I can't hear anybody around and conclude that Kenchiki and Utamara must have left some time ago.

 _Good_ , I think as I stumble back to the training grounds, _I don't want to see anybody anyway_.

But when I clear the tree line and give a half-hearted sweep of the clearing through half-lidded eyes, I see my error. Lack of noise does not mean lack of people as evidenced by the towering figure of Kakashi I can spy through some trees somewhere behind the training posts. Probably at the memorial.

For a very long moment, I debate whether or not I should just leave. I feel too leached for any interaction that promises to be as tense and difficult as this. But then again, my ability to care has hit an all time low together with my energy levels, so I might as well get it over with while I'm too lethargic to feel awkward.

So I drag myself over there, past the training posts and the spattering of trees and underbrush that just barely separates the two clearings. Valiantly, I resist flopping down on the ground. While I'm dead-beat tired, it would be inappropriate for this conversation. It feels serious, not a place for my lacklustre attitudes.

"Hello, _isi_ ", I mumble the familiar greeting.

"Hello, Hikari-chan", he answers the way he most often does. It's nice, tradition. A minute passes in silence, followed by another, followed by-

"It's teamwork, right? The purpose of test?" When I look up at Kakashi, he gives a nod, his gaze trailing down to meet my own. "Well, of course we didn't work very well together, but-"

"You were actively attacking each other", Kakashi interrupts me, his brow furrowing in clear disapproval, "Any Jounin would have failed you."

I don't dare to scowl at Kakashi directly, so I avert my eyes to his shoulder before pulling a face. "I'm sure they wouldn't have-"

Again, Kakashi interrupts me. "Konoha values teamwork and camaraderie, another year at the Academy will give you more time to mature." _Since you are clearly too childish to be a shinobi_ doesn't have to be said but the sentiment echoes clearly in his words.

"It's not my fault that they are prejudiced bastards!", I yell at him, a surge of just fury overriding my sleepiness.

"But you threw the first kunai."

 _Dammit!_ , I rage internally even as my rage deflates again, _he has a point._

"I'm not going back to the Academy", I inform Kakashi defiantly and he takes some time to think about that.

"It's your best option", he reasons at length, "You might have better luck with a different team." There is a pause. "A different Sensei."

I squint up at the man, my father in this life, no matter how much he doesn't know it. _Or doesn't he? His summons wouldn't keep that information from him, would they? But more importantly ... is that self-doubt?_

"I don't want a different team or a different Sensei", Kakashi rolls his eye before averting his gaze back to the memorial, "And I can't afford to dally around the Academy for another year."

"You've moved out of your mother's apartment."

 _... Uh, what? How does he know that? Does he know-_

"You should update the information in your file."

 _What's with the nonsequiters? He probably has the address of that woman from my file, but did he go snooping around there? Why would he do that?_

 _What did he find out?_

With a scrutinizing glance, I try to make out Kakashi's expression but he is as stoic as ever, not showing any sign of his feelings. _Bollocks!_

"I guess", I admit slowly, "But I really need to start on missions, so I can't go back to the Academy." _Not to mention that I don't_ want _to go back. It's not like coming back having failed the test will magically improve my reputation with my classmates._ _Wasting another year in school will do me absolutely no good._

Kakashi remains silent, staring ahead at the monument to the heroes of the Leaf. I rest my eyes on the sleek black stone as well, tracing the multitude of names.

After a while, I look up at him again. Just now a thought has sprung up in my mind, but actually voicing it... My mouth feels dry, with a tongue made of cotton.

"Ano, _isi_ ... Could you- I mean, if you don't want the- the whole team, maybe you could..." My hands are coated with sweat when I clench them nervously. "Maybe I could be your- your apprentice?"

Heavy silence lingers between us. I shift my weight uncertainly, staring up at the side of Kakashi's face while he continues to gaze at the memorial stone, giving no indication whether or not he has even heard me. Of course he has, he's a Jounin, he's too observant not to have heard.

Again, I shuffle on my feet, the silence getting to me until finally I can't take it anymore. "I mean, it's just," I stammer quietly, before Kakashi cuts through my mumbling.

"No."

My stomach drops to my knees that seem to grow weak at the same time. _No? Why no? Does he hate me? Is he so disappointed at my showing? Am I not good enough to be his apprentice?_

"That's not a good idea." His voice is flat, void of any feeling.

"Wh-Why not?"

"You need to learn how to work with others as a team."

 _But, I don't, I don't-_

"It's best you go back to the Academy and try again next year."

"But I'm not going back to the Academy!", I cry desperately, "If- If I can't be an apprentice, then I'm going to the Genin Corps!"

At least that gets a reaction. Kakashi turns a heavy, disapproving gaze on me and I shrink back from him. The Genin Corps is a dead-end for your career. Most of it's members never rise to the rank of Chuunin and are forever stuck doing menial missions. There is a chance for Genin Corps shinobi to take part in the Chuunin Exams if they find a Jounin willing to sponsor a team, but it's rare for the elite to take an interest in those scraping the bottom of the barrel.

But if I can start to work, I will be able to prove my worth. Maybe it'll be enough to finally be accepted by my peers. It's the only other option I see. I could go back to the Academy, continue squatting at the Uchiha compound just waiting to be caught, but I doubt that will do me any good. There is nothing in the curriculum that I don't know already and I seriously doubt that just because I get placed in a different class I'll suddenly stop being the misfit. It hasn't worked before, why should it work now?

"Do what you will." In spite of his statement Kakashi makes it abundantly clear that he doesn't approve of my choice. With a slight shake of his head, he turns around and makes to leave.

"Wait, _isi_ ", I scramble to hold him back. Kakashi stops and throws a flat look at me over his shoulder. My heart beats a fast staccato against my ribcage, but I press on before he can disappear into thin air again. "Can you at least teach me something?" I banish the trembling from my voice with vicious determination. "Something that'll help me catch someone's interest?"

I swallow dryly, fidgeting with the hem of my oversized shirt. Any second now, Kakashi will scoff and shunshin away. _It's stupid to ask, it's stupid, of course he wont want to teach me anything_ _, kami, why did I think this was a good idea?_

But he doesn't leave. He sighs and turns around to look at me. "Like what?"

My eyes grow wide. _Really? He'll do it?_ _What should I ask for? Shadow clones would be helpful, but that's a kinjutsu, he'd ask where I even know that from. No, not shadow clones. Elemental jutsu? Something large and flashy? But I don't even know my chakra nature and elemental training takes more than just a one-time show and tell._

My internal scrambling halts when I come to the best possible request. _Summoning. That's a B-rank jutsu. Not flashy per se, but there is no such thing as useless summons. It's also not some secret hidden technique that I have no business knowing. And Kakashi sent a summon animal to meet us yesterday, so he's already shown that he_ can _do it._

"Can you teach me the Kuchiyose no Jutsu?"

He regards me with a raised eyebrow. "Summoning takes a lot of chakra."

"I have larger than average reserves, they just aren't full right now."

Kakashi's eyebrow rises higher. "You can't summon with out a contract."

"I'm sure I can scrounge one up."

At that his eye narrows. "You're not going to steal one from the Uchiha compound, are you?", he asks sharply.

"What?" I take a step back at his cutting tone. "Why do you even ..." Trailing off at the pointed look he gives my shirt, I take another step back while raising my open palms. "I wouldn't steal something like that from Sasuke", I assure, "That's his family's legacy, I'm not gonna take that from him." Never mind that I totally would if I thought I could get away with it. But there is no way in hell that nobody would question how I came into the possession of a contract that was previously held by the Uchiha, so obviously I won't do that.

At Kakashi's unconvinced expression, I shake my head. "I'm not stupid enough to do that, people would recognise the summons."

He snorts, but relents. "Fine, I'll show you the jutsu, but it won't be any good without signing a contract first."

He crouches in front of me and shows me his hands as he slowly runs through the hand seals - _Boar, Dog, Bird, Monkey, Ram_ \- before he bites his thumb, races through the seals and slams his bloodied hand on the ground.

"Kuchiyose no Jutsu!"

I have just a moment to study the large seal spreading from the point of impact, before a cloud of chakra bursts from the ground and obscures the vision. A moment later, the excess chakra dissipates and reveals a small brown dog with a very squished face wearing a blue vest an a Konoha hitai-ate. I blink at the dog, _kinda looks like a pug but healthier_ , before looking at the ground it sits on. The seal has vanished without a trace. _I hope exactly knowing what it looks like isn't important..._

My attention is pulled back to the pug when it lifts its paw and says "Yo". I wave at him, _this has to be Pakkun_ , and greet him with a simple "Hello". The dog stands up and approaches me, sniffing at my knees. I crouch down and offer him my hand to sniff at, just like I always did in the Before when introduced to a dog. Pakkun sniffs my hand as well, before tilting his head slightly and looking up at me.

"Touch my paw", he says with his improbably deep voice, placing his right paw into my offered hand, "It's very soft."

I gin at the random request, but comply anyway, lightly squeezing his indeed very supple paw. _How absurd, I thought that Kakashi's dogs would be as serious as he is._

"You have very nice paws", I compliment, at a loss as to what to do now.

Pakkun smiles a doggy smile before turning to Kakashi and announcing "I like your pup, she'll be a good addition to the pack."

I freeze, looking up at the man with wide eyes. _This is it. Cat's out of the bag now._ _How will he react?_

But Kakashi doesn't seem as shocked as I would have thought. _Did he know already?_ _No, he couldn't have. He would have said something._ _But then-_

"She's not my pup." He sounds annoyed, locking eyes with his ninken that seems to bristle.

"Of course she is, she sme-" With a poof of smoke the dog vanishes before he can finish his sentence.

"Ignore him", Kakashi says shortly, before turning around and jumping away leaving me behind with a racing heart.

It takes a very long time for me to calm down and when I finally do exhaustion hits me like a sledgehammer. I flop down into the grass and sprawl in the sunshine, looking up into the blue sky and feeling lost. Having Kakashi deny his relation to me smarts, but it's probably for the best. That way he won't have a bad conscience about failing me or whatever.

I close my eyes and let myself drift to sleep. This day was a total fuck-up. Nothing went right. Now I have no team, no teacher and no perspectives. _Heavens, I hope that tomorrow won't be as bad as today._

But at least now I know how to summon and I have one little piece of information that Kakashi didn't have: If you try to summon without having signed a contract, you get reverse summoned to the animal clan that suits your personality best.

At least that's something I can look forward to.

 _I wonder what animal would be my best fit?_


	15. Summoning

AN: Moi moi, dear readers. Peruna here. Soo, this is another overly long chapter, but I didn't want to end on yet another agonizing cliffhanger, so here we go. Although, I gotta say that I'm getting fond of ending with strategically placed cliffhangers, there is a kind of malicious glee in seeing the comment section try to guess what will happen next.

You might be wondering why on earth I upload so soon again when the last chapters took several weeks each. The reason is that I had an enormous amount of fun writing this chapter and am super excited for you wonderful people to read it. That's why there's two updates this week.

Onto community service! Thanks, as always, to every single one of you that chose to review the last chapter. Your comments were absolutely deligtful! We also had a bunch of guest reviewers, which I am equally as thankful to, but I would ask of you to mabe leave an alias so that I may reply to you better in this section :)

A golden star goes on the report cards of all the smart cookies that guessed what Hikari's summon animals would be. To all those who didn't think the answer is obvious: you will find that I'm terribly uncreative when naming stuff.

Also, on a general note: yes, Kakashi is currently in denial and yes, the situation will be expanded upon.

To **_DWM_** : Not long. In this chapter he already feels bad for having suggested Hikari to be on Kakashi's team, since failure was apparently an obvious (since Hikari was so mad at him) outcome that he didn't even consider.

To **_Ardishana_** : Of course, I don't mind your rambling reviews, I haven't minded any review yet. And, in fact, I enjoy reading what people think about the situation as I present it in the story. You're pretty close to the character motivations, which tells me that I've done something right when I wrote these scenes. There's only two tweaks I'd make to your observations. One: Hikari didn't throw the kunai because of preemptive self defense, but because she hates the epithet "mumbling, stumbling retard" and didn't want Kakashi to think badly of her. Two: Actually, the last time Hikari experimented, she found a solution to her problem. Or if you wanna be real nitpicky: The last time was when she was reconstructing the Academy Three, which went so unproblematic that I didn't even include the process in the story ;)

To **_Dalilt_** : It's real good to know that Hikari's choices and situation are understandable and relatable. Since I, as author, have a grat big plan it's sometimes hard to see objectively if the character motivations are realistic. And yeah, cat summons might be a problem if she ended up there.

To **_yankey_** : You're so nice. I don't think I _can_ take it easy anymore, but I'll try. Anyway, yes, of course Hikari will go back to being a mad scientist! She'll even kick it up a notch, just you wait ;) Accurate description of Hikari there, you're the first to comment on her latent self-esteem issues. And you gotta look at it like this: In _Naruto_ the strongest/coolest characters always have the most tragic backstory. This is that :P And about your idea for romance ... it has a lot of potential for drama and you know how I love my drama ;) But don't tell anyone!

To _Guest_ (no 1): There are some out there. _The Yondaime's Assistant_ by _DianaMoth_ springs to mind. It's actually that one that inspired me to include the Genin Corps in one of my stories.

To **_xalmtris_** : So, I sat down and tried to find a good colour via hex colour code. My conclusion would be #d2bc79. I personally find it hard to express hair colour through a single shade though. An easy real life example of the hair colour I'm imagining are photos of Diane Keaton at the 2012 movie premiere of _Darling Companion_. I hope this helped?

To **_Puppet Dragon_** : Ohh, what a delightfully long review! Thanky you for that! Absolutely, there's people who know that if you try to summon without a contract, you'll get reverse summoned to an unknown animal domain. Most that know are from Minato's generation or older, since the Sannin getting their contracts was a Big Thing. After they showed that it can be done, a lot of others tried to follow their example and never returned, because it is, in fact, a very dangerous and reckless thing to do. That's why it's not advertised that you might land a new and unique summoning contract if you reverse summon yourself. Now, Kakashi doesn't know this because in my head-canon he got his contract from his dad when Sakumo was still alive. Since he already had his ninken, Kakashi never needed to ask Minato about how to acquire a contract and never heard the story. Otherwise he never would have let Hikari run headfirst into such a stupidly dangerous situation. Mmh, I like Benjiro quite a lot myself, especially because I know how he'll grow up to be. That would of course make his death very heart-wrenching and tragic, but don't worry, I'm currently not planning to kill him off senselessly.

 _A Hyuga looking at Hikari's chakra coils_ would probably get a headache. Hikari does, in fact, use most of her tenketsu still. The Gentle Fist would be very painful, but shutting down the tenketsu wouldn't stop Hikari from circulating her chakra. I kinda gloss over it a bit, but Hikari has never stopped forcing her body to create new pathways in obvious, not-so-obvious and seemingly random places to ensure that she is very flexible when she directs chakra throughout her body. These very young small pathways will widen a little over time with usage, but they'll hardly be on par with the major chakra vessels.

And I have said this before, but cause you are such a nice reviewer, I'll give you the ages again ;)

 _Hikari_ is currently 10 (birthday: in December). _Naruto_ is currently 9 (birthday: October 10th). _Sasuke_ is currently 10 (birthday: July 23rd). _Benjiro_ is currently 12 (birthday: October 7th). Naruto will be starting his fourth year at the Academy and fail the final exam twice to end up in Sasuke's class, who will be starting his second year at the Academy sometime during the next chapter.

To **_swordworks_** : True, canonically speaking the shunshin and kawarimi aren't teleportation jutsu. I don't like that though and used my super-awesome powers as fanfiction author to change that. I know discordance like that can be very annoying, but I absolutely _hate_ the canon explanation for kawarimi, so I'm not even repentant for changing that up. I hope it doesn't destroy your fun at reading.

To _Guest_ (no 2): I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Child abuse is a horrible thing. I try to portray it realistically and seriously as to not do injustice to those who suffered such trauma.

To _Guest_ (no 3): Never! Sleep is for the weak!

To _Guest_ (no 4): Hehe, cliffhangers all the way. This chapter even has two cliffhangers, just for you :3

To _Guest_ (no 5): Ant summons would be incredibly cool. Just imagine them scurrying around like in _Antman and the Wasp._ No reason why it shouldn't be possible, really.

 **I do not own Naruto.**

 **15**

Two weeks. Academy graduates that have failed their Jounin's test have two weeks to decide whether they want to revisit the Academy for another year, find a master for an apprenticeship, join the Genin Corps or become a civilian. It baffles me that the last one is even an option, since the village has already spent years on the education of the graduates and they are fully qualified to serve the village as Genin.

In Konoha only the civilian schools demand tuition fees, the Academy is free for all to attend. Which means that money is being invested into the future of the shinobi force. A good thing arguably, it means that every child has access to _some_ form of education, even if they sign up to become trained killers in the process. But why would the Hokage just allow someone that has benefited from all this training go after they have proven to be of use to the village? It just doesn't make sense! Every student coming to the Academy has to sign a contract before they are even enrolled that guarantees they join the shinobi force after graduation, so _why_ are we given the option to bow out of that arrangement?

 _It's a public opinion thing isn't it? It's just a PR stunt. It has to be. Nobody will actually leave the program after they have come so far. And what should we do instead anyway? Giving the option will just make the rejects happier about the choice they ultimately make. Being offered a way out will make us more likely to stubbornly cling on. It's manipulation._

 _And it works._

When I ask Eichi-sensei whether or not anybody actually chooses to leave after they have graduated the Academy he tells me it's a very rare occurrence.

"You're not contemplating that, are you?"

I shake my head, "No, Sensei, I'll probably join the Genin Corps. I haven't had any luck with finding someone willing to apprentice me."

And I've looked, asked in all the major departments that I have access to right now. But there is no-one that has the time in Intelligence, no-one interested in Research and Development, not enough Jounin in Cyphers to apply and the Military Police is a joke since the Uchiha massacre. Hell, I even asked if anybody in Torture and Interrogation would take me on, but they don't want fresh graduates there. Presumably because of the psychological stress, but the Chuunin I spoke with was very tight-lipped.

I have no idea where to go if I was interested in Tracking or Tactics or Foreign Relations and the Anbu choose their candidates instead of letting themselves be found.

Heavens know I've tried to find a spot for myself, but I have all but given up hope.

"That's a shame", says Eichi-sensei, looking genuinely sorry for me, "You have so much potential as well. It'll be wasted in the Genin Corps."

Sighing, I let my shoulders slump a bit. "Don't you know any Jounin willing to take an apprentice?"

He shakes his head no. "My associates in the elite are all either busy or already have students of their own, I'm sorry."

Again, I sigh, "It's fine, Sensei. I'm sure the Genin Corps isn't all bad."

"Well, it's good to stay optimistic", he commends, "And you still have more than a week's time, maybe you can scrounge up some Jounin to take you in after all." With a quick head pat, he takes his leave and I remain alone in the empty teachers lounge at the Academy. Since right now there's summer vacation, the only teachers that show up here are Eichi-sensei and Kosaku-sensei because they have to be accessible for their graduated students in the case they need assistance. Like I did. It's good to have someone to turn to for questions, but the way that Kosaku-sensei had looked so very unsurprised when I came in earlier bugs me immensely. He always believed I was too stupid to become a shinobi, since back in the first year, but at least Eichi-sensei was here as well and he apparently doesn't think I'm incapable.

 _You have so much potential_ , that's what he said. _I never imagined him to be any different than Kosaku-sensei, but he's not as unobservant._

Well, that and I hadn't held back any during my last year. _Potential... Does he really believe that? That I have potential? I know I'm better than most of my classmates were, but I'm also an adult in a child's body, so how much of that will hold up when they grow into adults as well?_

I don't know and I'm not sure I even want to know whether or not I'm just as average as everyone else. Even if I have "potential" it doesn't mean anything if I don't have a chance to exploit it.

But I have a chance. I know how to perform Kuchiyose no Jutsu. Well, theoretically. I know how a person with a normal chakra network would perform the summoning technique. The last three nights have been spent trying to reverse engineer the correct chakra flow. Not much progress on that front, sadly.

And the library hasn't been very forthcoming on the subject, even if I now have access to the Genin section. Since summoning is a Chuunin level skill, that's not all that surprising, but a nuisance nonetheless. There were, however, scrolls and books on different, potentially very interesting subjects. Like advanced chakra theory.

 _Mmh, I really want to go through that. But I already have a project right now. And summoning is much cooler than anything else available to Genin._

So, after I leave the Academy grounds, I adjust myself onto the familiar path towards the memorial stone. I'm sure that I can get it right today, at latest tomorrow. It can't be _that_ hard.

My chakra coils are brimming near painfully with unused energy. I've cut back on the excess of chakra I normally throw out daily in order to keep my reserves at a comfortable level, just so that I have every resource available when heading into a potentially dangerous situation. Sure, I might end up in the domain of a friendly animal clan that won't attack an intruder on sight. But I might just as well end up in a den of predators that might not take my presence there well. So I have to be prepared for an expedition.

 _That's a good word. Expedition. I'll have an adventure into unknown lands, looking for the ultimate prize. I'll get to explore something entirely new! And talking animals! A dream come true for every lover of the cute and fluffies!_

The thought alone brings a wide grin to my face. _This is going to be awesome!_

I've got everything prepared even. There is still more than enough time during which I won't be missed -Benjiro has been very absent the last few days because his new Sensei is bringing their team up to scratch and he spends most of his free time sleeping, so he won't even notice me not being around. I carry one of my sealing scrolls in my pocket, stocked full with rations, fresh water, camping gear, weapons, general antitoxins, medical supplies as well as chakra and food pills. I'm ready!

As soon as I figure this out.

So, the Boar builds outward directed pressure and is good for releasing large quantities of chakra. Since it's the first hand seal in the sequence, it's unlikely that it's used to actually release chakra, so it's to create a tension on which the technique can build on.

Next the Dog. What exactly did the Dog do? If I remember correctly, it creates two independent streams in the chakra flow, like two different identities. If I meditated while channelling chakra through the seal, it created a fast, shallow flow running clockwise in an uninterrupted circle and a slow, thick stream that moved counter-clockwise from the chest into the right fist where it gathered and fed the shallow flow. Kinda complicated to imitate.

Then the Bird, that damn finger-twister. The Bird seal makes the chakra airy, fluttery, and if you accidentally switch the position of the middle fingers, or if their tips touch, it creates a ton of very annoying turbulence. It's more finicky than the other hand seals, but everything can be trained by practise and boy, did we practise dexterity in the Academy.

 _But how would that flutteriness combine with the tension and the two chakra flows? Would it even affect both flows?_ _Maybe it wouldn't._

 _Do the two flows even stay separate for the rest of the sequence? Yes, they have to, otherwise it wouldn't make sense to throw the Dog in there._

 _Hm... If I assume that the flows don't combine again, then I have one mass of chakra in my right hand, that moves slowly, feels a little more viscous, while I have another fast and circling flow. Then it would make more sense if the Bird seal affects only the faster, lighter stream while the other one stays in the right hand. But why is it like ..._

I slap my hand against my forehead, feeling utterly stupid. _Of course! It takes a lot of chakra to summon an animal, the slower flow that gathers in the right hand is to_ gather chakra into the right hand! _The hand you then slam into the ground and perform the jutsu with!_

 _Okay, so we have two separate flows that are needed for two separate functions. Maybe that's so that the technique is not as strenuous on the pathways even if it uses large amounts of chakra._

 _Then the slow flow is merely to create a ready chakra reserve for the jutsu to pull on. I guess if also makes it easier to regulate how much chakra you pour into the technique, which can only be useful. Maybe that's even how you choose which specific member of your contract you are calling on. That's to be seen though._

 _So, if the slow flow acts just as a reserve, it has to be the fast flow that forms the technique. And that's a fast, fluttery kind of affair. Hm..._

Next is the Monkey, but it's easy to guess that it's to balance the two flows after they have been stirred up with the Bird seal. Possibly it's more focussed on keeping the slow flow calm and in place. _Yeah, that makes sense._

The last seal in the sequence is the ram seal. It's good for fine control, helps to guide chakra into patterns more easily. _But what patterns are needed? Does it have to do something with the seal that appears on the ground when you slam your hand down? Or is that the part where the jutsu connects the summons's domain with the caster's location? A bit of both? Neither?_ _How am I supposed to know?_

 _And what is the Boar for? It builds tension, it's for releasing- No, okay, I know what it's for. The tension is so that when you cast the jutsu, both chakra identities are released at the same time. So that's also something I'll have to worry about, pushing both constructs out at once._

While pondering the problem, I run my hands through the seals, over and over and over again, but they either don't produce the wanted results or the effects of don't blend into each other all that well.

I spend an inordinade amount of time separating the two chakra flows and making them behave independently from another. It's just a giant exercise in frustration, like how it's incredibly hard to tap your left hand on your head while your right hand rubs circles on your belly. But after endless hours of trying, of eking out that next little bit of progress, I am finally able to hold the two different streams for several minutes.

By then I am so tired, though, that I simply lay back on the grass by the memorial and go to sleep while night falls around me.

 **-o-**

"I got it!" my exclamation is met with yawning silence from the empty training grounds. Not that I care. After three days of never ending frustration, I'm allowed a little excitement.

"Well, I think I got it", I acquiesce.

"I'm about eighty percent sure that I've got it", I vaguely estimate for the non-existant critic next to me. "I should also stop talking to myself, that's weird."

 _Shutting up now._

Giddily I check over myself, making sure that I have everything I could possibly need. It probably won't work, but I will try it and you never know...

"Yeah, I got it", I murmur, drawing a kunai from my holster and slashing it across my palm. Instantly, vivid red blood flows from the shallow wound. _Too much? Maybe, but it doesn't make that much of a difference so who cares._

I slowly move through the hand seals, bullying my chakra to move in the way it should when I'm making these seals.

Or the way I think it should. _Right, Boar, Dog, Bird, Monkey, Ram. Still not sure what the ram is for but I gotta at least try._

When I come to the last seal of the sequence, I can feel the technique thrumming through my arms, singing in my hands. When they form into the Ram, it's like the technique slips for a moment before reasserting itself. The movements of the chakra haven't changed per se, but the technique seems to have gathered a centre of focus.

"Kuchiyose no Jutsu!", I call enthusiastically while pulling my bloody hands apart and slamming my right palm onto the packed earth.

The feeling that follows is unlike anything I have ever felt before. It's like the technique, the chakra I've been manipulating into a construct, is pulled out of my palm while reddish ink spreads out on the ground under me in seemingly nonsensical patterns. And then, when all of my work has slipped past my finders, all the gathered chakra being sucked out, there is a sensation of something gripping onto my dormant chakra and _pulls_.

In the flash of a second, I've lost much more chakra than I ever intended to, maybe half of my, thankfully full, reserves.

Before I can recover from the shock of losing that much chakra at once, a whole different pulling starts. It feels like some invisible thing has reached into my chest, grabbing my heart and then flinging me by that into an endlessly falling void emptiness.

It's about the worst feeling I've ever experienced, short of dying.

And then it's over, just like that, my feet crashing into solid ground and my knees giving out, my legs folding until I'm sitting in the dirt, disoriented and feeling ill.

I close my eyes to the spinning world and take several great, gulping breaths almost choking on the unexpected humidity in the air. It's hot, too, but at least the difference between Konoha's hottest summer days to this heat isn't that big.

Groaning I rub at my temples, the sudden shift in atmosphere giving me a headache.

A quiet rustling snaps me out of my misery over the sudden displacement of being reverse summoned. My eyes fly open, scanning my surroundings and trying to locate the source of the noise while I palm a kunai, just in case whatever is there might be hostile.

But I can't make out anything. I'm sitting in the middle of a plain overtaken by tall grasses that hide their inhabitants rather well. _Best be prepared for an attack then._

As fast as I can, I scramble to my feet, weak knees forgotten and adrenaline pumping in my veins. From the higher vantage point, I can see over the grass, which is good, because like this I can see that somewhere to my right they are swaying in a way that doesn't fit the very gentle breeze.

 _What is that? What's hiding there?_

Keeping my eye on the spot of movement, I try to assess my surroundings to figure out which kind of animal might prefer this as their territory.

There are the grass fields, which take up a good chunk of what I can see, but are interrupted here and there by small clusters of relatively small trees that have flat but fanned out crowns, providing shade from the intense sunlight. Moreover, there are random boulders rising over the tips of the vibrantly green grass fields as well as .. _. termite mounds?_

I'd say this was like the African Savannah during the rainy season, but it's far too cluttered. But the climate is definitely tropical or subtropical at least.

The grass plains are bordered by steep inclines, hills probably. _Maybe this is like a valley?_ One side is covered with forest, the trees more varied in appearance and taller than the low, twisted ones in-between the swaying grasses. Another looks rocky, the earth there bearing little vegetation and having a distinctive red tinge to it that tells me it's probably high in clay and baked dry by the heat.

All in all, it's a very ... varied habitat. It could house all kinds of animals, what with the grass easily reaching chest height a little further away from my position. I can think of quite a few animals that would enjoy this weather and could hide in the tall grass. _Like lions, or tigers, or anteaters, or maned wolfs ..._ The movement in the grass has been steadily growing nearer, exposed only by my high vantage point. _If I were any shorter, I might be wondering if this place is inhabited at all._

Then I'm reminded that whatever is coming closer over there should be a summon animal, _one of a kind that fits me best_ , and that it's probably intelligent enough to talk with. I know that it's stupid and gives away my position to more potential hostiles, _but I'm here to make allies with these summons, right?_

"Hello? Who's there?"

At once the spot of movement stops moving, the tips of the grass slowly ceasing their swaying until there is nothing that distinguished the position from any other piece of the field. _Ambush hunter?_ _Prey animal?_

"I'm a shinobi, looking to make a contract with your clan."

Nothing moves. Until something does. When there is a scratching sound behind me I whirl around, startled and ready to defend myself. A few metres away is a group of four or five trees, throwing shadows where the grass grows lower, barely at knee height. Still, I can't see anything.

 _No way these summons are plant eaters, there would be grazed patches otherwise and the foliage on the trees looks too undisturbed for anything to have snacked on it._

 _Wait. The trees!_

Up in the crown of the closest tree is a branch that's moving. I can't make out hide nor hair of the trees inhabitant, but it's moving around, disturbing the foliage and scratching at the bark.

"Hello, you up there! Can you tell me where to find your boss?"

There is no answer but the continued movement. _Hopefully whatever is up there can't jump very far, I don't want to be pounced on._

With that thought, I turn around again and let out a shriek of surprise. While I had been distracted, the one stalking through the grass had neared once again. The moment I catch sight of it, it charges at me, mouth impossibly wide open, exposing rows of _dangerous teeth!_

I jump back and slash at it with my kunai, trying to keep my space. The creature takes the hit to the side of its jaw, hissing but not stopping in it's charge. I take another leap back, barely avoiding those sharp teeth as the mouth snaps shut mere centimetres from my arm.

Palming a second kunai in my off-hand, I drop into a more balanced stance, adrenaline and chakra thrumming through my body. My attacker keeps still now that its charge has failed, assessing me as I assess it.

With a shoulder height about level with my hips, a powerful long body with a tail that might deliver a mean whip and comparatively short and stout legs the giant lizard looks fierce. But the worst of all are the cold, calculating and undeniably intelligent eyes, set in a flat head that can split open impossibly wide when the creature snaps its jaws.

It's skin is bumpy and rough with hardened scales, tough too, acting as some form of armour certainly, the wound from my kunai is barely deep enough for the animal to care. The cut bleeds sluggishly, the dark red blood running along the edge of the jaw and giving the lizard an even scarier look.

The only move the creature makes is to open its mouth a little allowing a surprisingly long and split tongue to dart out and taste the air. I take another step back when the tips of the tongue almost touch me.

"Why did you attack me?" I ask the lizard, but it totally ignores my question to continue our stare-off.

 _Is it trying to intimidate me? Can it even understand what I'm saying? No, it understands, I think..._

When there is a scrabbling noise right above me, my stomach drops. _It has pushed me towards the trees! Is there another one lying in wait to get the drop one me?_

Nervously, I risk a quick look upwards, spotting something blue and definitely moving around, but that's the least of my worries when the giant lizard immediately attacks, making use of my brief distraction to close in once again.

Before I can react it's right in front of me, tilting its head to bite at my legs. Chakra roars to life as I flood my legs in a scramble to get away. I manage to slip away from between closing jaws just barely, the lips brushing my thighs but luckily not the teeth. I'm already jumping backwards, slashing at the lizard's head, but my kunai only leave behind scratches that don't seem to deter my attacker at all, since he's moving swiftly as well, trying to nip me.

I do my absolute best to dodge, just fast enough to evade the bites. Then my shoulder hits a tree trunk, distracting me for half a second, but it's enough for the giant lizard to catch me. Two rows of sharp teeth sink into my left fist, the head tilted just right to not cut itself on my kunai's edge.

Fire burns through my fingers, searing pain racing through the hand and into my forearm. An agonized cry breaks from my throat, even as I bring my right hand around, aiming to drive it into the lizard's eye.

Now it's the one dodging me, letting go of my bleeding hand in order to back off. I follow it's movements closely, but it settles back to wait, flicking it's tongue out continuously.

A whimper rises in my throat but I clench my teeth and concentrate on my opponent. I don't trust the seemingly calm reptile not to jump me the moment I show weakness. The pain is agony though, burning and throbbing and spreading up my arm. The blood is drip-drip-dripping from my knuckles, but I can't take my eyes off the beast in order to check my wound.

Then I remember the trees around me. A giant lizard like that is more than likely very heavy, the relatively normal-sized trees wouldn't be able to support its weight. So I make a snap decision, pool chakra into my muscles and jump. Once I have left the ground, I look around for a suitable branch to grab onto.

 _Shit! All of those are too thin to take me!_

Another snap decision has me flipping mid-air, bringing my feet closer to the nearest tree trunk. I stretch out my toes, _nearly there!_ As soon as they meet resistance, I cling to the wood with chakra. The tree groans and sways a little in my direction, when I pull my body in from its stretched position to crouch sideways against the tree. Some two metres below me, the lizard has its head angled upwards, still flicking its tongue out after me but not making any other move.

Just because it doesn't move doesn't mean that everything else is standing still. To my horror, another oversized lizard slowly emerges from the tall grass, A slender black body following a blue tongue until it stands next to the first one that is still not moving.

"Prey?", hisses the newcomer in a voice that sends shivers down my spine. Even though it's a hiss, there is a guttural side to it that makes the sound reverberate as if it were a real voice.

"Wanna-be summoner", answers the first lizard, equally hissing but the guttural base tone sounds higher pitched, giving it a distinctively different voice.

I flinch when all around me, little hisses start up. On the branches of trees and clinging to the side of the trunks are dozens of smaller lizards in all shapes and colours, all with the same elongated body build and longer tails. Like little gossips they relay what they have seen from my fight with the first giant lizard.

"Slashed him."

"Jumped and fled."

"Fast but not fast enough."

"Bit it in the paw, he did."

"Good with the chakra."

They scurry around, some snapping at their neighbours for being too close, others inching toward me from all directions. I have no idea if any of them are venomous, so I keep them at a distance with my kunai. Luckily, none of them seem to be especially eager to get in a fight with me, but I can't take any more chances.

I need to make a get-away, find someplace safer where I can regroup and tend to my wound. My left hand is on fire, the fingers starting to get stiff and from the tightening of my skin I can imagine that they will soon be swelling too. At least antiseptic, I need to make sure it doesn't get infected and I can't do that surrounded by hostiles.

But I need to make one last attempt.

"Why are you attacking me?", I call down to the lizards, because maybe the dark one is more willing to talk, "I'm here to make a deal!"

As I yell at them, I search my surroundings for an escape route, somewhere where I might hide.

 _Shit, shit, shit!_

There are more beasts moving through the grasses toward my position, I can see them disturbing the gently swaying blades.

I can't jump through the trees to get away, too many lizards with unknown abilities, so I have to drop to the ground and run as fast as I can.

 _But where to?_

The approaching unknowns come from different directions, but there are two paths that look to be somewhat safe still. One leads to a grassy incline, while the other one goes into the direction of the rocky, dried up hill.

 _Grass provides better cover, but these guys are masters of this type of environment so I doubt that I can hide from them there. If I go where there is no vegetation, I might not have cover but neither do they, meaning they can't sneak up on me as easily._

Neither of the large lizards have bothered to reply yet, so I take it that negotiations aren't on the table and that I should get a move on before they get backup.

Mind made up, I cut the chakra sticking me to the tree and hit the ground running, making a mad dash into the direction of the rocky incline.

My gaze focuses on the grass before me, everything else blurring as I burst with speed. All of my attention is spent on _where do I put my feet, what is the path of least resistance, avoid that hole in the ground!_

The grass lashes at my legs, my arms, my chest, until it's finally even higher than my head and I have to take leaping bounds to keep my eyes on the goal.

I can't hear anything over the rush of wind and the whipping straws around me.

Escape is the only thing occupying my mind, fight and flight, survival.

I can't see anything but the path to safety.

Survival is most important, everything else is of no concern when it's life or death. Death is unacceptable.

I break out of the tall grass and stumble over a rock jutting out of the dry earth, before regaining my bearings and continuing uphill. Dust kicks up in my wake, the further I climb, the dryer the ground gets, the less humidity hangs in the air.

The sun beats down without mercy and I'm still running, fleeing. I reach the crest of the hill and find myself on another flat expanse. It's dry. Very dry. The cracking, sun-baked earth gets overtaken by reddish sands. It's almost desert-like.

But it's as cluttered as the grassy valley.

Round and slender cacti grow intermittedly between dried husks of dead trees. Boulders litter the area. Sand rises to random dunes of improbable heights. Scraggly bushes struggle to survive.

As I run over the deceptively even ground, I have to scramble more than once to avoid cracks and holes in the earth that open up unexpectedly.

My muscles are screaming. The hold on my chakra wavers as my reserves dwindle ever lower. I have to find someplace to rest.

Ahead of me, to the left, rises a formation of gigantic boulders. In a hysterical moment, it reminds me of pride rock from the _Lion King_. Better than nothing, good vantage point.

It seems to take forever to reach it, the structure continuing to grow as I draw nearer. My pace slows continuously, my legs feeling weak, my muscles unable to keep up the speed I pushed them to, but I bite through the pain that tells me I have taken it too far and keep going.

In the corner of my eye I can see movement behind the bushes, in the shadowed recesses of the cracked earth, under the sand. It puts me on edge as I dash past all of it. I'm still fast enough to be gone before anything shows its face. Still my speed dwindles and fear creeps up my spine.

When I finally reach the rocky formation, I'm panting and on my last leg. Directing chakra to the soles of my feet in order to climb the smooth stone takes more effort than I'm comfortable with, but I manage it.

I finally settle down near the top of the formation, where two of the stone spires lean against each other to create a small shadowed nook. From here, I have an excellent view of the direction I came running from, as well as a vantage point to oversee a lot of the flat, desert-like area.

It's almost unbearably hot, the rocks having heated up the whole day in the sunshine and burning against my pants and shirt where I touch them, but at least the shadow provides some relief from the sun.

Finally able to relax a little, I look down at my injured hand. It's still bleeding and the whole appendage is red and throbbing with immense pain. I have to use my right to pry the stiff fingers of my left away from the handle of my kunai. The weapon clatters against the rock but I still feel as if I was clenching it with a white-knuckled grip.

Gritting my teeth against the pain as the adrenaline in my system slowly fades away, I pull out my sealing scroll from a pocket and one-handedly unroll it across my knees to find what I need. Water is the first thing I unseal, followed by a first-aid kit and a general antitoxin. I have no idea whether or not the lizard was venomous and the general antitoxin might not even work for whatever venom it might have injected into the wounds, but it can't hurt to be on the safe side, so I chug the concoction in the small vile and ignore the bitter taste. Rolling up the scroll, I store it safely in my pocket before staring on my wounds.

First, I wash all the blood away and try to clean out the puncture wounds created by the lizards sharp teeth. They have to be serrated as well, because the edges of the injuries are much more tattered than I expected. The bite marks aren't necessarily very deep, but they are deep enough that my ring finger is was punched clean through by one of the teeth. I can see the white of the finger bone when I clean out that wound with copious amounts of water, feeling vaguely sick to the stomach.

After washing out the wounds, I have to acknowledge that the injuries are bleeding much more heavily than they should. Time has blurred together since I've landed here, but it must have been at least half an hour since I have been bitten. My blood should already have clotted to some extent to prevent unnecessary blood loss. Sure, the water might have loosened the clots, but it still shouldn't bleed that badly anymore.

 _Shit, this isn't good._

But I have nothing else I can do, except continuing to dress the wounds. So I do exactly that, pouring rubbing alcohol over my injuries to disinfect them. I almost yell at the bright hot pain that flares up in response, tears rising in my eyes unbidden. In spite of the pain, I empty the whole bottle on the wounds. I have more in the sealing scroll and it looks like the bite mark is already infected, so I need to curb that however I can.

Next, I put some salve on the punctures, liberally slathering them in hopes of stemming the blood flow a little by clogging up the wounds. Then I carefully bandage the hand in a way that still allows finger movement, even though I already know that the hand will be useless until it's healed.

When I'm done, I lean back against the stone and blink tears from my eyes before drinking what's left in the water jug I used to clean the wounds. I'm exhausted and in pain, low on chakra from the summoning itself and my flight from the attacking lizards.

 _Lizards_ , I think, _why would lizards be so suited to me?_ I have no idea. I don't even know what kind of lizards they're supposed to be and what their skills possess.

 _Heavens, what have I gotten myself into?_

Black starts creeping along the edges of my vision and I start feeling faint, which can't be good. My stomach clenches uncomfortably, my heartbeat pounds steadily in my ears, I feel like I might collapse even though I'm already sitting and supported by the rock against my back.

 _Fuck, my circulation is messed up. I might be going into shock. Fuck! Shit on a biscuit! What to do? What to do?_

 _Get out of the sun, check. Get hydrated, check. Eat something, I can do that._

Most of my experience with circulation problems stem from the Before when I would sometimes faint because I didn't sleep well, or didn't eat and drink enough. Actual shock is different, but all I can try to do is get my circulation going again.

 _Ah! Food pills!_

I scramble to unroll my scroll and unseal a case with food pills as well as ration bars, a packed bento I had nicked this morning from my favourite victim at the market and another jug of water. Popping a pill into my mouth, I flush it down with a few gulps of water and cram the near flavourless ration bars in as well.

Food pills consist mainly of sugar and starch to provide some immediate energy, but their more important component is a chemical that stimulates the metabolism. Its formula is hoarded as jealously as the recipe for soldier pills. Ingesting food pills will increase your chakra production as well as digestion and the processing of internal energy stores. Since I don't have nearly enough fat on me as is, I have to follow up a food pill with actual food, but that's not a problem right now, since I have the opportunity to eat.

The ration bars are so dry that I have to continue drinking in order to get them down my throat in a timely manner and I can't stand them. I give up after the third and shovel the bento into my mouth, which thankfully is much easier to swallow.

Still the black splotches in my vision persist, but at least it's not getting worse. When my stomach is so full that I can't eat anymore, I shuffle around so that I can lay down on my back and prop my feet up against the stone wall. It means that I can't keep a look out, but elevating my legs at a shallow angle like this will help circulation in the vital areas and hopefully prevent me from passing out.

Despite my best efforts, I slip into unconsciousness mere seconds later.

 **-o-**

When I come to, it's much cooler. I feel a little better and my chakra has replenished quite a lot, which makes me wonder just how long I've spent passed out. My hand throbs and burns, but the pain is at least somewhat manageable.

I freeze, when I hear light breathing right next to my ear. There is a weird flicking sensation against my cheek, my jaw and then my earlobe. Somewhere next to my head claws are scratching over stone.

When the lizard next to me flicks its tongue right into my ear, I jolt up, my eyes flying open and my right hand grabbing the small animal and lifting it off the ground.

A scrabbling noise to my left grabs my attention to a larger reptile that had been inspecting my bandaged hand and is making a retreat. But there's no way, I'm letting it escape. I swing around and bury it under my weight, where it fruitlessly wriggles and tries to escape.

"You guys are going nowhere", I rasp, my throat dry and sore. Licking chapped lips, I lift the small lizard in my good hand up to my face to inspect it. "I want answers."

"No eat! No eat!", cries the tiny lizard in my fist, wriggling and swishing its tail about. It sounds almost squeaky beneath the hissing I've come to expect from these beasts. The thing is about twenty centimetres long with a sandy and dark brown pattering to its scales. It has bright yellow rings around its eyes that are connected with a stripe almost like glasses. _Looks kinda cute actutally. I'll call him the nerd._

I shake him a bit, which only intensifies its begging to not be eaten. "Tell me, which domain this is. Who is your boss summon?" But the tiny animal doesn't seem to be listening in its panic. I shake it again, "Answer me!", but it's no use.

"That one's stupid as the rock he crawled out from under", comes a muffled hiss from under my back, "He doesn't know anything."

"And you do?", I ask, sceptical.

"If you get off me we can talk."

"If I get off you, you're going to run away", I state dryly but the lizard doesn't reply. It wriggles again and I feel the head trying to escape from under my shoulder blade. _I'll have to risk it, but I would feel much better if I had my hand free to keep it from escaping._

Thinking about it, I pull one of the empty water jugs closer with my foot and drop the little nerd in so that he won't escape either. _Maybe he'll be useful later on._ Then I slowly lift my hips while keeping pressure on my shoulders and grab the swishing tail of the lizard under me. Only then do I get off. Immediately the animal tries to escape but with a little effort, I can putt it back by its tail.

This one is much larger than the other one, almost a metre long without counting the equally long tail. The claws on its long fingers look sharp and painful and they dig into the stone with surprising ease, which explains how it even got up here.

It has a dark grey base colour which is sprinkled with large yellow hexagonal spots that have in turn black spots at the centre. The pattern is quite mesmerizing when it wiggles around like this. It's long tail feels hard and rough against my fingers and is grey-yellow striped. In an especially furious wiggle the tail swings around and smacks into my leg and _wow, that hurts._

"Stop trying to run, I've got a solid hold on you." I only get an agitated hiss in return and the creature snaps its head around to glare at me. "I got off, now we can talk."

"What do I get if I answer your questions?"

My eyes narrow and I feel like I am thoroughly done with this shit. _They want hostile? They can get hostile!_ "I wont bludgeon you to death."

The lizard glares fiercely at me, but I lock eyes and don't back down.

"What do you want to know?"

"What domain is this? And who is your boss?"

"Monitors. The boss is Komodo."

I blink. "Komodo? Like komodo dragon?"

The lizard hisses at me, opening its mouth just slightly and showing off rows of small backwards facing teeth.

"Why did your buddies attack me instead of talking to me? I thought summon animals were civilized."

Again the lizard hisses and even snaps a few steps towards me, twisting its body in order to get right up to my face. "Humans are weak! If you are stupid enough to come into our territory then you deserve to be eaten!"

I pull the reptile aside by its tail, eliciting another hiss. "So you don't accept any summoners?"

"None have tried for a very long time. None have survived for even longer."

I narrow my eyes even further to glare at the furious lizard. "But there _have_ been summoners before?"

"Yes", it spits. Then it makes a move to attack my right arm but I pull the limb out of reach and in the process yank on its tail. When it doesn't calm down but tries another time, I stand up on wobbly feet and hold it upside down off the ground until it stops struggling.

"What do I need to do to get a contract?", I ask the creature coldly.

"If you can find Komodo, he'll make a deal", it hisses, sounding out of breath.

"Fine, where is he?"

"On the other side of the valley."

Mentally revising what I have seen of the grass-covered valley, I come to the conclusion that _'on the other side'_ could potentially be a very large area. It would be hard to find him on my own, but downright impossible with all the blood-thirsty super-sized lizards running around.

So, "You're going to show me", I decide.

"Why would I?", hisses the lizard giving me the stink eye, still dangling upside down.

"If I get there fine, you wont die an early death", I remind the reptile, not feeling particularly charitable after its relatives have attacked and injured me without provocation. If it were bigger, I bet this one would try to eat me as well. _Maybe it was even contemplating it while I was unconscious, the way it was checking out my injured hand..._

At that moment a distant memory from the Before surfaces. Watching animal documentaries while half asleep on the couch. Seeing komodo dragons ripping into a still twitching water buffalo. I remember that they are venomous as well as likely to cause massive infections with their bite.

Suddenly, I feel very grateful for all the various supplies Itachi left me in the sealing scrolls. I don't know whether it was the antitoxin or the food pills or the medical supplies that kept me from dying after passing out, or maybe a combination of the three, but I am absolutely certain that I wouldn't have survived if I hadn't been prepared like this.

 _Prepared..._ _If I'm gonna hold onto this lizard, I should probably make sure it can't escape or injure me._

So I set the beast down and simply sit on it when it tries to get away. Then I unseal a length of dull ninja wire and proceed to tie its legs to its torso and to secure the tip of its tail against the lizards neck to dissuade it from thrashing about.

My prisoner all tied up, I set to seal all my excess supplies away, except for a few loose soldier pills that I stuff into my pants pocket.

"Wait", the hogtied lizard interrupts me as I seal the empty water jugs away, "Give me the weakling and I'll lead you to the boss."

Raising an eyebrow at it, I inform it "you'll be showing me the way anyway if you don't want to die with a blade in your neck."

The reptile glares at me, "I'll be more compliant and wont lead you into ambushes."

My brow rises higher, "Since you guys are apparently cannibals, wouldn't you be screwed as well if you led me into an ambush?"

An angry hiss is my answer. I shrug.

"You know what? I don't even care." I shake the smaller lizard out of the empty jug and catch him in my right hand, showing him to my prisoner. "If you warn me from any of your hiding cousins, you can have him."

"Deal, I'll warn you and lead you to the boss." There is already a trail of saliva running down its chin.

I give a disgusted scoff before presenting the smaller lizard -"No! No eat! No eat!"- to its larger cousin. It lunges forward and with a crunch the wriggling little lizard goes limp. The larger one throws its head back and swallows it in one go. I hoist it up and hold it in the crook of my left arm, securing it against my torso.

My bandaged hand hurts immensely but I need at least one hand free to defend myself in case I come across any more hostile reptiles. Just to be ready, I palm a kunai before moving to the edge of my little nook.

"No", hisses my prisoner, "Not down there. Climb over the top of the tall one and go down the other side."

Stopping in my track, I look down at my captive who's flicking its tongue out while swivelling its head this way and that. I furrow my brow. "Do you have a name?", I ask it.

"No", it hisses, craning its rather long neck to look up into my face, "Only the big guys have names. They're old."

I hum, still staying in place, needing to get used to being upright again and feeling a bit woozy. If I need to outrun dangerous reptiles again, I should be at the top of my game. Not like my captive needs to know that. "Are you male or female?", I continue the small talk.

"Why do you care?", it hisses, annoyed. After a moment of silence, it gives in. "Male."

"Alright, then I'll call you Mushu." Like the little dragon sidekick from Mulan. That one was feisty as well. A lot more helpful than this lizard, but I don't mind the comparison being weak. It's good to have a name for my captive.

"Whatever", Mushu hisses, but it's not as angry as it was just a minute ago, "Are we going to go now? Sun's setting and I hate being outside during night."

"Why? afraid of the dark?"

"No, its too cold for any self-respecting lizard", a moment of silence, "Only the really big guys stay awake."

I contemplate that information. "So, we're less likely to run into a bunch of lizards when it's night time?"

"It's suicide to run around when the big guys are active!"

"Yeah, but you just need to warn me, right?"

"No!", Mushu sounds almost desperate and quite angry at me for acting stupid, "Just get going, it'll be night before we reach the boss anyway. Just go now so that it won't be so long!"

"Fine, fine, I'll get going", I grumble, feeling a bit steadier on my feet than before and more ready for the trip. So I step up to the stone wall I had been sleeping against and channel chakra to my feet to climb it. When I reach the top, I crouch and look around for a moment.

On all sides around me is dry desert-like land. It looks desolate, but if I look closely, I can see movement in the long shadows cast by all the different items scattered about the landscape. Mushu had been right to warn me from going down the other side. Several large reptiles are waiting down there, gazing intently up, flicking their tongues out from time to time.

 _My scent is probably stronger over on that side because I climbed up the rocks there._

"How good is your eyesight?", I wonder.

"Nothing special. Most of us rely on our sense of smell."

"Huh."

Then I climb down the stone spire and let myself be guided around the hiding spots of larger predators while running at a steady pace towards the setting sun.

We reach the edge of the valley without any complications, but I am more than a little reluctant to enter the tall grass again and not being able to see anything around me. I can understand very well, why these monitor lizards rely more on their smelling than on their sight. Having sharp eyes sure isn't helping me right now, but I follow Mushu's whisper-hissed directions as fast and quietly as possible, muffling my footsteps with chakra to make them silent even if I can't avoid the rustling of grass as I pass by.

And then suddenly the peace is broken.

"Left!", yells Mushu and I follow his direction immediately, jumping away just as a large, wide-open jaws erupt from the grass to my right. A giant lizard, taller than me, follows the gaping maw in the pursuit of biting my head off. I dash away, enhancing my muscles with chakra to increase my speed. This specimen is not to be outrun though, keeping on my heels while I strain to get away.

"In front! In front!"

And he's correct again, as another oversized beast opens its maw to bite at me. I have no way to stop my momentum, it's too late to dodge left of right, so I do the only thing I can think of. Right as the monstrous lizard in front of me jumps forward to bite, I drop to the ground and slide underneath its belly.

The fabric of shinobi clothing is very durable, it has to be. Usually shinobi supplies are at least fire retardant as well as water repellent, not to mention tough. I had stolen my outfit from a formerly alive and active Uchiha shinobi, ensuring it to be high quality material. So when I slid over the ground at high speeds, digging a furrow into the earth, my clothes were fine. The right side of my back where the shirt had ridden up, however, was most definitely not fine. I didn't have to look to know that it would be a grisly abrasion.

As I come to a stop, I don't have any time to think of it though as I jump to my feet and dash away. Apparently I hadn't quite cleared the immense length of the beast because a second later I'm clocked in the head by the tip of a swinging tail. I fly to the side, barely managing to catch myself on my left forearm and avoiding squishing Mushu into a pulp. My hand explodes into pain so potent that for a moment my vision goes black and my ears ring. An involuntary agonized cry breaks free from my throat, but I stumble back onto my feet and stagger away.

Behind me the sounds of a fight erupt and I can only guess that both of the giant lizards take offense to each other. Lucky for me, although I can barely feel lucky with how my head swims. Drunkenly swaying, I follow Mushu's directions and concentrate on my forward movement, trying to ignore how fuzzy my tongue feels. And it's really fuzzy. What a weird feeling.

After a while, my head clears up a little, but it comes with a greater awareness just in how much pain I am in. I don't appreciate the sensation, but it's better to be fully conscious in a hostile environment, so I welcome any improvement.

It's just in time, too, because I have to dodge another attack, this one from a smaller, but no less oversized monster lizard that's going for my legs. As I dance around the attack, I lash out with the kunai and score a cut across the beast's snout. Not that it does all that much, but it makes me feel more in control of the situation even if it's just a little. At least this one I can simply outrun by virtue of my chakra-enhanced speed.

Sometime during all this chaos the sun has set and now darkness has fallen, obscuring vision even more. I need to slow down to avoid tripping over the raised bums the giant bushels of grass create on the ground. So I go the extra mile to avoid making any sound at all, gently brushing past the long stalks of grass without disturbing them and muffling my footsteps.

The quiet of the night is only broken by the songs of the cicadas and crickets and the low whispering hisses of Mushu as he tells me where to go. I keep my kunai at the ready, poised in a reverse grip to defend against or possibly parry an attack. I don't put much hope in defeating one of those giant lizards, but since running and dodging has proven successful so far it doesn't matter. At least that's what I tell myself when Mushu very, very carefully directs me to avoid two unseen predators roaming the plains.

It takes most of the night to navigate the grass fields of the valley, but at some point Mushu and I fall into an easy routine, so focused on each other and our surroundings that little to no words are needed to convey a message. With his warnings and directions and my speed and stealth we manage to avoid any other encounters with the giant beasts moving about.

Just before sunrise we are staring to climb the incline across the way we came from, when Mushu stills. I freeze as well, daring a look down at him. He's tense, unmoving, flicking his tongue out almost frantically.

"He's coming", the lizard exhales, "The boss has smelled us, he's coming this way."

I'm not sure what to do about that, but it's what I've been looking for, isn't it?

"Alright", I whisper, "You did your job, I'm cutting you lose." Then I proceed to do just that. As soon as the last of the bindings is severed, he wiggles out of my grasp, eliciting a pained hiss from me in the process, before scuttling off and disappearing into the night.

Taking a deep breath, I steel myself and continue onwards to where the boss of the monitor lizards is.

 **-o-**

Komodo is a giant of a lizard. He is taller than the average building in Konoha. Granted, his shoulder height is not as tall as I imagine other boss summons -like Gamabunta- to be, but with legs that are short in proportion to his length it makes for a truly massive beast of an unimaginable size. In the twilight of dawn, I am able to even see all of him.

In the Before, komodo dragons were just big lizards, but now, standing in front of this beast, I am fully willing to call him a dragon in earnest. If he were to attack me, there would be no chance for me to survive.

"Human", his voice booms. Even he hisses, but his guttural undertone is so loud and full, that it's barely noticeable. If I were to truly listen, I might have heard a difference between his way of speaking and those of the other monitors I heard, but I'm too preoccupied to think about such minorities right now.

"Komodo-sama", I call up to him, steeling my resolve. If he wants to kill me there is jack shit I can do about it, so all I can do is forge onward. "I'm here to seek a contract with your kind."

"You have survived two days in our lands", he states and I feel my stomach dropping. _Did I spend a whole day unconscious?_ "You seem to be strong."

"I am", I claim with much more confidence than I feel in face of this mighty giant.

"What do you offer me in exchange for our service?"

 _Oh shit! What do you offer a giant lizard monster that's big enough to satisfy it? What do summons get out of the deal? I know the Toads are benevolent and don't demand any large offerings, but Manda of the Snakes demands human sacrifices to be summoned. But that's only if Orochimaru summons him, not if he summons any other snakes. What do all summons get when they are called upon?_

"Chakra", I answer, "I offer you a sacrifice of chakra to summon you and yours." _That's the standard right? It's why the summoning jutsu takes so much chakra to perform, even for the smaller animals. A lot of it flows into the summons' domain to benefit the clan._

"Very well", Komodo accepts and _wow, it's that easy? Where's the catch?_ "You may sign our contract, but for every time you summon one of my inferiors you have to make an offering directly to me."

 _Uh, what?_

"Do you mean the offering of chakra done during the summoning?" _Because that should go to him, right? As head of the clan? Or not?_

"No!", he booms, nearly blowing me away with the volume, "Additionally!", he demands.

"I accept", I yell, quick to assure him that his demands would be met. If I didn't I might just get eaten, so what other choices are there, really?

Komodo seems to examine me closely, lowering his head to see me better. "If you ever choose to summon myself, I demand three human sacrifices."

I gulp, but accept that as well. Until I have enough chakra to summon a massive beast like him, I'll be fighting the kinds of enemies that are better left dead than alive. _What difference does it make if they are killed by being eaten or killed by a sword to he heart?_

 _And if I'm ever desperate enough to summon a boss summon, his fighting power will be worth the price._

"Good", the dragon says, lifting his upper lip in what might be described as a grin. He lays his mighty bulk down and crosses his front legs in a relaxed seeming manner. "So, little summoner", he begins conversationally, "What kind of marks do you want?"

 _Marks? What kind of marks?_

The confusion must have shown on my face, because the mighty lizard laughs. "The marks of a summoner. Signing a contract creates a bond between my clan and you. The human chakra you donate when summoning one of us into your domain leaves marks on us as much as the connection you forge to our animalistic chakra leaves marks on you."

"What kind of marks?", I ask while wondering where exactly the summoning contract was. I haven't signed anything yet.

"Physical marks. Little perks that get shared. Such as opposable thumbs." As if to demonstrate, Komodo lifts one of his enormous clawed hands, hovers it over me in a way that could smush me to a stain on the ground if he were to drop me and wiggles his thumb. And indeed, it is much more versatile than it has any right to be.

When the boss summon retracts his limb and lays it across his other again, I frown contemplating. "But I thought it has been a really long time since the last summoner..."

He gives a throaty chuckle, "Oh little summoner, I'm old enough to have profited from many of your predecessors."

I swallow. _That's vague and intimidating..._ Then I shake myself out of it. "What kind of marks could I possibly gain from a contract?"

"A lot", Komodo chuckles again, "Monitors are, after all, a much better species than puny humans." He waits as if he expects me to interrupt him. I don't have a death wish so I remain silent, which gains me another chuckle.

His laugh sounds incredibly hoarse and is a little uncomfortable to listen to. _I never knew that lizards could laugh at all. Maybe that's another mark?_

"Anyway", the dragon continues, "I know that you humans have weak stomachs and get sick so very easily", he scoffs derisively, "A mark could fix that." A giant eye sizes me up, "You are so pathetically small and weak, you could profit from that."

Then his tongue darts out, one of the tips smashing into my chest and throwing me back. For a moment, the giant creature tenses, a terrifying hiss escaping from its throat and his pupils visibly shrinking. Instinctively I scramble backwards from the danger, almost forgetting my injured hand in the primal fear that grips me tight. But as quick and unexpected as it started it's over again and Komodo relaxes back into a languid posture.

"I see you are wounded", he remarks casually, "maybe you would want some of our tough skin? Or our claws to better fight back? Really just about anything would improve your puny human body."

Swallowing the lump of fear down, I get up again and raise my chin proudly to cover up my less than impressive reaction. "No, the stomach and illness thing would be enough", I say, trying to sound casual. Inside my head, however, I was cheering loudly.

 _Just imagine how much less limited I would be if I could eat anything? Komodo dragons can eat all manner of meat, even carrion! And a stronger immune system? Hells yeah! Sounds awesome!_

The dragon in front of me grins again, before turning his head to the side, where another lizard has just appeared from behind his elbow. The newcomer is a dark green lizard, that looks a lot like Komodo himself, if one ignored that the boss summon was so much more bigger and, with his blue, green and black scales, much more colourful. This specimen still towers over me, though, so one could hardly call it small.

On the newcomers back, held by a blue sash, is an enormous scroll. _And that has to be-_

"The summoning contract", the green lizard says, actually _says_ instead of hisses, with an old and cracking voice.

"Go ahead, little summoner", Komodo encourages, looking eager, "Sign it!"

So I do, receiving the scroll from the lizard that nimbly sits up on its hind legs and pulls the thing from its back. I cut my right hand, reopening the wound I had used previously to reverse summon myself here, and sign the contract with my name, before bloodying all five of the fingertips and pressing the prints under my signature.

I can feel the moment that the contract becomes effective. Something in my chakra seems to shift, not quite twisting it, but adding something that wasn't there before. What little chakra I still have running through my coils starts gathering in my belly and before I know it, I am on my knees, groaning and feeling sick to the stomach.

Feeling my insides shift and change is not pleasant, but it also excites me because of all the possibilities it presents me with. It doesn't take long either way, before my chakra disperses and starts leaking from my coils into my blood stream. Luckily, I can't exactly feel what it's doing there, but it probably wouldn't be very pleasant to experience.

When I stumble back to my feet, I see Komodo watching me intently. I bow to him. "Thank you, Komodo-sama."

"It's my pleasure", he replies, sounding self-satisfied, "One more thing: I'll press a summoning tattoo into your arm. Remember, whenever you summon one of my underlings, you owe me an offering of chakra. Direct it into the tattoo."

I bow again, not as deep this time. "Of course, Komodo-sama." Just as I finish he sentence a searing pain bursts to life on my left forearm and immediately brings me back to my knees, crying with pain as I cradle the arm to my chest. It feels like someone is carving out chunks of my flesh, right down to the bones, with a rusty spoon. Black overtakes my eyes and I am very close to losing consciousness when I hear the bosses amused voice.

"Good night, little summoner. You should better go now."

Something seems to snap in the air around me, a shift of currents, a change in the atmosphere, and then a cold hand grabs me by the back of the neck and flings me back into my own dimension.

Once I have solid ground back under me, I stagger to my feet and leave the training ground in a haze. Pain and dizziness mix with the chakra exhaustion and bone-deep weariness to dim my surroundings to a level that would have been a problem if I didn't know the way by heart.

I reach the alley and the comfortable curtain of Itachi's genjutsu, staggering over the threshold and falling to my knees.

Blinking, I realize that there is something else here. I lift my gaze from the ground in front of me and look ahead. Beady black eyes lock with mine, before the creature turns and runs away, a naked tail swishing in the air behind it.

My last thought, before I pass out on the floor of my alley was:

 _Huh, that rat was bigger than I expected it to be._

 **-Omake-**

In a puff of smoke, a small dog with brown fur and a very displeased expression on its little, smushed face appears. His master holds a bloody kunai in front of his nose, but the dog ignores it in favour of glaring at the man.

"Brat, you got some nerve to summon me for work after cutting me off like that."

"I need you to track this traitor", Kakashi says, ignoring the pug's rebuke.

If he could, the diminutive dog would cross his arms, but as it is he sits his bottom down on the forest floor in a show of defiance.

"Pakkun", Kakashi tells the dog in a reproving voice, "We're on a mission."

"I'm telling ya", the dog starts again, "the girl is your-", only to be cut off rudely by his master.

"No, Pakkun, she's not." Man and dog trade fierce glares. The other shinobi of the team look on with amusement or, in one case, with rapt attention. "Now is not the time. We can discuss this later."

"Fine", the dog grumbles, getting up and sniffing at the drying blood, "But if you pull a stunt like that again, I wont let you off the hook this easily."

Having taken up the scent, the dog runs a small circle to find the track and takes off to pursue it. Kakashi follows immediately, his comrades falling into formation behind him with an enchange of meaningful looks. One sighs. It seems like there wouldn't be any juicy gossip revealed today.


	16. Genin Corps Introduction

AN: Moi moi, dear readers. Peruna here. And it only took me about a week to write this chapter, I'm kind of proud that I finished it today, since I originally had no clue what would be happening. I'm of mixed opinion about the result, but I often am, so there's that. I hope you guys enjoy reading it.

Hey, do you guys know, why I'm even able to upload this often? It's because I have this wonderful person that helps me hammer out my plot issues and always tells me when my character motivations are unrealistic or lacking. I always get a lot of inspiration and motivation from our talks, so I want to give a HUGE SHOUTOUT to TheCauldron. She's been helping me along ever since the fourth chapter and without her this story wouldn't be half as good as it currently is. Also, she's an active writer as well, so check out her profile :)

Then, onto community service! Once again, _thank you_ to all of my wonderful reviewers! You guys make my day whenever you leave a comment. I know, I kinda repeat myself, writing this into every AN, but it's always true. The amount of positive attention I get from you is doing good things to me. Did you know that before I started uploading here, I wrote fanfiction on the German website fanfiktion.de? And in the seven years I uploaded there, on the seven _teen_ different works I posted, I got a grand total of twenty-five favourites? So, believe me when I tell you that y'all make me incredibly happy when you say you like this project of mine. Anyway, I'm rambling. I just wanted to tell you I sincerely appreciate all y'all.

 _On summons and summoner marks:_ So, just to clarify: Hikari's contract is with the Monitor Lizards, or Varanidae. Komodo just happens to be their boss. And wow, I feel like you guys are overestimating these marks. They're supposed to be smaller quirks, nothing OP. It just so happens, that even these small traits are very useful for Hikari. As far as I know, it's not a canon concept, but rather a fanon one. I myself got inspired by (read: stole shamelessly from) the explanation in Deja-vu no jutsu by Vixen Tail.

To **_orlha_** : *incoherent laughter* Hoo, that's precious, thank you *wipes a tear*

To _Jam_ : Yes, I'm a very punny person ;)

To **_swordworks_** : Not what I was going for, but yeah, technically Hikari can eat her own summons. She'll never be starving again. Komodo has his reasons for demanding human sacrifices, chakra being just one of them. Also yeah, Anko does summon snakes as well, but I think she signed the same contract as Orochimaru, she just chooses not to summon the same snakes as he does.

To **_Sam est classe_** : Thank you for sharing your thought process. I always try my best to avoid the well-worn and boring clichés and tropes.

To **_Uzumaki D Narut0_** : Alright, alright, I'll stop with the cliffhangers... for now.

To **_Ardishana_** : Pfft, yeah, we had to read 1985 as well, rats can be scary as hell.. Jup, the contract affects her scent, but it's so subtle that Kakashi wouldn't notice unless he was directly sniffing at her.. Denial is a beautiful thing, I love it when characters don't act logical.. Neither of those, the only other canon character present in the last Omake was Anko (the nosy one).

To _Guest_ (no 1) Hikari practising at the memorial stone is mostly because it's a familiar space for her where she mostly gets left alone. But even if Kakashi were to come around and stop her training and experimenting, Hikari wouldn't mind. That would mean spending time with Kakashi and she's not opposed to that.

To _Hopeless reader_ : Woah, don't take it to heart, please. I never meant this story to be a bummer :) It's all in the name of diversity, y'know?

To **_yankey_** : We'll see how reliable the lizards will be, but you can bet to see Mushu again in the future. And yeah, Hikari is finally putting on some weight. No more starving to death. She didn't actually get the venemous saliva or slow metabolism of the lizeards, just the hardy stomach and a better immune system. I have seen _'Tangled'_ , it's my favourite Disney film, actually. The cover picture for this story is actually a really bad pun. It's a pretty nice picture though...

To **_Puppet Dragon_** : Y'know, I was trying to make Hikari more optimistic, since people are allways complaining that this story is too depressing. This is the result :P Also, the monitors totally did find her while she was blacked out, they're excellent trackers, but the larger ones couldn't climb the rock and attacked any other lizard that approached. Mushu's just sneaky and was able to bypass the blockade while nerd actually lived up there.. Yeah, Kakashi would be able to smell it, but only if he was actually sniffing at her which he probably won't do. The pack will, of course, be upset when they find out, but they have their dignity as a summons clan and won't just let Hikari sign their contract as well. Because politics are not just for hoomans.. Names are a status symbol for the lizards because it means that _somebody_ sees the need to seperate you from the nameless masses, which means that you have something those others have not.. You are terrible and think too much like myself. Yes, Komodo's stipulation is mostly reasonable compared to Manda, but I always got the feeling that Manda just didn't want to be summoned at all. My theory is that he made that ludicrous demand so that he wouldn't be bothered..

To _squeeeee_ : Well, I hope you _accidentally_ clicked on the bookmark again ;) And if I was paid to write all day long, I'd be cranking this stuff out like crazy :P

To **_Jinhara_** : Hikari is constantly making new pathways in more convenient locations, but hand seals don't rely on pathways but on tenketsu and, sadly, Hikari can't fabricate those through sheer will.

To _Guest_ (no 2): Thank you for the high praise! I mostly just want to put a new spin on the whole idea, give a different perspective on Konoha, show different parts, be a bit more negative without making the positivety of the canon impossible.

 **I do not own Naruto.**

 **16**

I poke at the the smooth, black lines of the tattoo. It's a very simple design, two slender streaks running parallel along the inside of my left arm, splitting apart about three centimetres from the wrist like a forked tongue. Between the two tips the Kanji for lizard are written out. _Tokage._

Rather unassuming, all in all, since it looks like just another piece of body art. But it has burned itself deeper than just my skin. The split tips of the tattoo rest over the two tenketsu of the wrist and that's no mere coincidence, since below the visible tattoo run two new ... not pathways in the original sense, more like chakra conductive scarring. It permeates my muscles, skin, fat tissues without really hindering any of them in their function, so it's not, in any way or form, an impediment but it feels supremely weird and foreign.

From the summoning tattoo and the chakra scarring underneath permeates an aura of animalistic power that chills my chakra in its neighbouring coils. The effect is not entirely uncomfortable, but it will need some getting used to.

My gaze trails down the arm and to my hand, which is no longer swollen and has been healing quite well. When I woke up in my alley from what I assume was another day-long nap, there had been no signs of infection anymore and the wound had already closed with new skin. The same went for the abrasions on my back. They had started healing seamlessly even though there was still dirt and bits of grass stuck in them. Peeling off the scabbing to wash the wound had not been fun, but it didn't bleed as much as I expected it to.

A grin breaks out over my face as I inspect my slightly stiff ring finger. No outward sign of the hole punched through it remains except for some pink scarring and it has regained full movement, even if flexing it still hurts and pulls awkwardly at the edges of the injury.

 _This is so awesome! Reverse summoning myself was so worth it!_ _If all my injuries heal like that I wont have to go to the hospital for anything short of imminent death._

But alas, I don't have time to spend appreciating my new... well, not superpowers, but assets. Abilities. Like the ability to stomach decomposing meat.

The last days had been spent on recuperating from my injuries and chakra exhaustion so I had done little while staying in my alley, eating and sleeping and pondering over the slightly different feel of my chakra. During that time the curiosity over the extent of the differences had built up to the point that I couldn't resist a quick test.

So yesterday I had dug a little deeper into the dumpster behind the restaurant to find a day-old piece of meat that had become home to a bunch of maggots. Only thinking of it now still gives me disgusted shivers and it had been one of the hardest things I'd ever talked myself into doing, but with a lot of water I had managed to swallow the thing, expecting to feel sick immediately. And in a way I had felt sick, but it was merely a psychological reaction because my stomach had absolutely no problem handling it.

No food poisoning, no throwing up, not even constipation. Checking myself over with liberal use of my recovering chakra had revealed that no parasite had survived in my guts. I was as healthy as before, not even a hiccup from the by-products of decomposition that are usually poisonous to humans. Komodo had held his word, I was now as capable of eating raw meats and carrion as he was.

It's a good thing, too, because today is the day that I start my work at the Genin Corps and I would hate to be sick during initiation.

Looking at the position of the sun, I deduce that I'll probably be a bit early but I don't think it will be a problem. Better early than late. The initiation for the new Genin Corps members starts at six am.

Every Academy graduate had to hand in their forms for their new positions within the village due yesterday, whether their teams made the cut or they went back to the Academy, got an apprenticeship or resigned or signed up to be career Genin. Not that Genin Corps members will be barred from becoming Chuunin, it just wasn't a statistical probability...

 _Well, I aim to surprise. And with a summoning contract there's no way I can't make Chuunin at some point. Summons are overpowered._

Once again a grin sneaks onto my face and I can't suppress it. _And my summons are seriously awesome. In the way that they inspire awe._ Just to imagine how I summon one of those lizards that chased me that night makes me want to try it right here, right now, which would be a supremely bad idea not only because my chakra is still somewhat low but also because I just entered the Hokage tower.

The meeting room for the Genin Corps is on the base level of the tower. I'm pretty sure that the Genin Lounge is down here as well as opposed to the Chuunin Lounge and the Jounin Station, which are on the higher levels of the tower. The basement is full of Archives from what little conversation snippets I pick up on while leisurely making my way to the meeting point.

Somewhat unsurprisingly, I'm the first one there, or at least, I'm the first one of the Academy graduates. The room itself is open, a counter bisecting it and occupied by bleary-eyed middle-aged Genin Corps members, shuffling between the filing cabinets and desks behind the counter and the coffee machine in the far corner of the room.

I lean against the wall close to the door and do my best not to disturb any of the people working already so early in the morning. While I watch, shinobi trickle in through the door, walk up to the counter where they are greeted by some office worker or other, either hand over a mission scroll or receive one with minimal small talk and then leave through another door that appears to lead directly outside. It's an ... efficient system, but it does make me wonder about the nature of the missions being assigned if they can be handed over without any briefing at all.

Above me a clock is ticking on the wall. If I hadn't positioned myself so thoughtlessly, I might have been able to look at it and know exactly how long I still have to wait. As it is, I estimate it to be another half an hour or so. Since I haven't had much exposure to clocks being around and useful ever since being reborn, it's no wonder that I didn't consider it when I chose this position. The only other place I've seen wall clocks was at the Academy.

Shinobi don't use watches, they are too loud, and most civilians can't afford them, so everybody just uses the position of the sun in the sky to estimate the time. A time set to meet is usually not the time for the meeting to start, since people never arrive at the same time. So, when I notice a group of older Genin gathering at the door and they start complaining about the newbies being "late", I wonder if they have been working in offices for so long that they have forgotten that little titbit of shinobi culture. It seems... odd for them to be this irritated.

Their bad mood makes me hesitant to approach, but I want to make a good impression more than I want to hide from their scrutiny, which is why I force myself to walk over.

"Um..", I articulate ever so eloquently, drawing their attention, "Hello?" _That... wasn't supposed to be a question, but damn it, I haven't had to introduce myself for years! How do people do this shit?_

"Good morning", one of the older ones replies with a friendly smile, "How can we help you?"

"Ahh, ano... I'm supposed to meet someone here for, um, an introduction to the Corps?"

The group of Genin all look at me with surprised expressions, making me shuffle uncomfortably. They don't seem hostile or even unfriendly, so I don't feel nervous just yet, but I have no idea how to deal with being the centre of attention.

A comparatively young one speaks up next, it's a boy around sixteen with brown hair bound back in a low tail. "And here I thought all the young graduates were supposed to be geniuses", he laughs but is cut off when the one who spoke first cuffs him around the head.

"Don't say something like that! We're all in the same boat here."

The boy ducks his head and gives a sheepish apology, which I warily accept with a nod. This is rather unexpected. I can't remember the last time anybody ever stepped in to prevent someone teasing me. And that's all he had done, a little thoughtless teasing. I wouldn't even have taken offense to the statement.

"So you're here to join the Genin Corps, then?", continues the older one, it's a woman with her hair in a bun, around thirty I would guess. At my nod, she smiles encouragingly, "Go on then, introduce yourself. I'm Fukasawa Noriko."

"It's nice to meet you", I reply with a shallow bow, "My name is Hikari, please take care of me."

When I look up again, she is still smiling at me and goes on to introduce the others around her. By then the other fresh graduates start to arrive. All in all, there are nine of us. Six are ones that had already had a second chance at the Jounin test and failed again, while the last two are former classmates, both from small civilian families if I remember correctly. It doesn't mean that all the other graduates passed their Jounin's tests, we are simply the only ones that couldn't land an apprenticeship or didn't want a repeat year at the Academy.

"Now that all of you found your way here, let me make one thing clear", Noriko starts, once the last of the graduates arrived, "As members of the Genin Corps you can not be late. More than half of the missions you will get assigned are issued by civilians and civilians do not take kindly to any kind of tardiness, therefore you will never be tardy and won't give our clients any reason to complain about you. Is that clear?"

To our chorus of "Yes, ma'am!" she nods. "Good, because the Genin Corps's affairs are handled by the administration of the Chuunin Corps and we get enough ridicule from them already without anybody getting a formal complaint.

"Now", she claps her hands, "This is the Genin Corps's mission assignment. Here you will receive missions, which you will complete dutifully before returning back here with the signed mission scroll. You get paid with every assignment you successfully complete.

"On the other side of the hallway," Noriko gestures toward a door diagonally opposite from the one our group is standing by, "is the Genin Lounge. You can go there at any time for a break, just be sure to donate to our coffee fund if you take any."

Once again she claps her hands, directing all gazes back onto herself. "To get you all situated, each one of you is assigned to an older member of the Corps, which you will be working with for your fist month here. You can ask them any question, they're here to help you, just remember that all of them volunteered to babysit you newbies, so don't deliberately annoy them, alright?"

Noriko seems satisfied with our chorus of agreement, because she claps her hands one last time and directs the other Genin Corps members to choose their newbie and get on with it, before she herself walks around the counter bisecting the room and sitting down at one of the desks.

Keeping myself at the edge of the group, I observe my yearmates and the older Genin sorting themselves out into pairs. I expect that I will be paired with the last remaining tutor, being the last choice in any social setting is nothing new to me and doesn't bother me either to be honest, but almost immediately a man in his mid-twenties heads towards me with a smile. Uncertainly I smile back, shifting my weight as he approaches.

"Hikari-chan", he starts, still smiling in a friendly manner, "If you don't mind, I'd like to be your mentor for your first few weeks in the Corps."

And I know it's rude, but "Why?"

He chuckles and shakes his shaggy black bangs out of his eyes. I know his name is Kyoya as I was introduced to all the older Genin while we were waiting for my yearmates. I have a hard time judging whether his friendly attitude is honest or a facade he's keeping up for whatever purpose. "I just want to help you along, you seem to be a bit shy."

Which, yes, you could say that. I'd prefer socially hesitant, but shy might actually be an accurate description. _And what a weird thought that is. I've never felt especially shy..._

I narrow my eyes at him, trying to see his motives but it's ultimately useless, so I force myself to shrug it off and smile -and if it's a tad uneasy, nobody has to mention that. "Then, I don't mind, I guess."

His smile widens into a grin. "Wonderful, then we should probably get right to it. Daylight is a-wasting!" And with that proclamation he waves me over to an exhausted looking fellow that gives out missions at the counter.

"Picking up a mission is easy-peasy", Kyoya declares before turning to the man behind the counter, "Genin Kyoya, ID 05-K-83014 and Genin Hikari...", trailing off he looks over at me.

"ID 12-H-70317", I fill in with my shinobi registration number. Kyoya nods and turns back to the other guy.

"We're here to pick up a D-ranked mission to get her into the swing of things."

The man behind the counter rolls his eyes, noting down our information before handing over a mission scroll, "I know, Kyoya-kun. Contrary to common belief I am neither deaf nor stupid. You got a training ground. Now shoo, there's still a bunch of other newbies." The Genin waves us away with tired amusement, already turning to the next pair behind us.

Kyoya snorts good-naturedly and leads the way through the door to the back yard of the Hokage tower. It's very plain, the ground made up of even stone tiles. As someone that once was used to large cities of concrete and asphalt, a stone-paved courtyard doesn't initially register as something out of the ordinary, but then I take a double-take.

 _Wait, what? I haven't seen a paved plaza in forever!_ Which is true, most of the roads in and around Konoha are just packed earth, with the exception of the odd gravel paths that aren't frequented as much but still important enough to preserve from being run over by flora.

 _Figures that the village can afford a paved parade-ground but not better roads._

 _Not that the village really needs paved roads, since there aren't all that many wheeled vehicles around._

 _...I wonder what the Fire capitol looks like_. _Maybe I'll see it one day, it would be interesting..._

I'm pulled out of my derailed train of thought when Kyoya claps a hand on my shoulder and steers me toward a shed tucked into the corner of the empty courtyard. "No daydreaming", he admonishes lightly, "We gotta get to work, training grounds always take the whole day."

Slightly uncomfortable, I duck away from his grip before falling in step with him. "What does that mean, "training grounds"? What kind of mission is it?"

"Oh, yeah", Kyoya slaps his hand to his forehead. The way he is so over-expressive makes me very uncomfortable, but I try to ignore it. "Of course you don't know. Well, whenever the higher-ups demolish a training ground during a spar or training, the Genin Corps gets to clean up after them. It's exhausting, but not a bad mission to be assigned."

With a short nod of understanding, I ask, "Which training ground are we supposed to clean up?"

"Let me see...", he opens the mission scroll and skims the information provided there, "Training ground four. That one doesn't have a lot of trees in it, which is good because then we don't have to replant anything." The scroll snaps shut with a practised flick of his wrist and he puts it away into the pocket of his jacket.

Genin don't have a uniform or dress code, we can dress however much like a shinobi or civilian we like with exception of the hitai-ate that has to be displayed in plain view at all times when on duty. All the Genin Corps shinobi I have seen so far seem to favour standard shinobi slacks combined with whatever top or accessory they prefer. Kyoya himself wears a simple white shirt and a loose red jacket with lots of pockets with the black pants. I am still wearing my stolen, cut-off Uchiha clothes.

 _Maybe I should invest in my own outfit, especially since Kakashi has indirectly accused me of stealing from the Uchiha compound. Who knows when someone else will take notice of my attire?_

We reach the shed and Kyoya opens the door for me to slip in. It's crammed inside, bags with various contents are stacked on top of each other on one side, tools for a plethora of purposes on the other and seemingly random other items are scattered about.

"Grab a shovel and some sacks. You can never have enough sacks when cleaning up a training ground."

I do as told and take a shovel from a rack on the wall as well as a bunched brown lump of rough fabric from the pile in a corner. Shaking out the fabric reveals a large sack made from a burlap-like material. With a shrug, I stuff two other cloth bags into the first and turn to Kyoya.

He is over by the other side of the shed, filling a bag with what looks like seeds. When finished, he ties the bag up and grabs a shovel as well. "Alright, let's go."

 **-o-**

Kyoya had been correct, cleaning up the demolished training ground was hard work that took up most of the day and left both of us tired and sweating profusely.

First we cleared away the twigs and branches ripped off the nearby bushes and trees by the side effects of large-scale jutsu as well as the charred, cut or torn to pieces wooden logs that were left-overs from substitution jutsu.

For the next step we used our shovels to break apart the dirt and stone structures created by Doton jutsu. With the amount of time that had passed since the training session that led to these constructs, the chakra in them had faded quite a lot already, making it possible to crumple them without needing to use chakra ourselves. Still, my arms and the slightly bent shovel complained whenever I attacked one of the deteriorating jutsu leftovers.

When all the constructs were broken down, we shovelled dirt back into holes and craters to even out the ground before Kyoya started throwing out the seeds he brought over the ploughed training field. Apparently, they were just mixed seeds for some hardy types of grass and weeds that might survive the day-to-day use of the training grounds.

All the while, Kyoya and I collected forgotten and discarded weaponry left behind by the shinobi that trained here. It was mostly senbon and shuriken that are usually thrown in large enough quantities to not remember where each one lands and are just small enough to easily become buried deeply into whatever surface and go overlooked. But there is also a fair share of dull kunai in very different conditions. One of the blades is bent at a ninety degree angle and I'm kind of curious how _that_ happened.

Kyoya had also been accurate when saying that one could never have enough sacks for this task. The three I had grabbed for us are quickly full of wooden debris, dull weaponry and those weapons beyond saving that would be melted for their metal.

Long after the sun has passed its zenith, we finally leave the training grounds, Kyoya lugging a bag on each shoulder while I carry the last one.

Our first stop is a dump close by, where we empty the sack with the wooden debris. The pit is already half full with that sort of stuff, clearly meant for the Genin Corps to use it exactly for this type of mission and not for civilians to get rid of their trash.

The next place we can get rid of the contents of another bag is one of the blacksmiths working for the Hokage tower. We get a note on the amount of out-of-shape metal we hand over after the smith weighed the load and head off.

Merely dull weapons that only need a good sharpening and some oil go to the armoury of the Hokage tower, which yes, is a thing. While most shinobi buy their own weapons, be it a simple shuriken or an artfully crafted sword, there is an armoury inside the Hokage tower for those that need to restock but have to leave for missions immediately.

We get another note from the armoury and can, finally, report the mission as successfully completed. It's about time. Kyoya, who had worked to hold up a conversation during the clean-up of the training ground, is so exhausted that he looks about ready to fall over. I don't want to believe that he actually has stamina that bad, so I reckon that the hot weather has to be getting to him. Either way it's good to hand in the mission scroll and be done with our task.

"Alright, so when you're done with a mission you just give the mission scroll and everything else that needs to be filed back to our office ninja here," Kyoya does just that, handing our scroll and the two notes from the blacksmith and the armoury over the counter at the Genin Corps mission office. "If anything out of the ordinary or anything of note happened during the mission," he continues, "then you have to write up a report and either hand it in with the mission scroll if you're fast enough or within two days after mission completion. Either way you gotta mention it at least once to the desk jockey on duty."

With that Kyoya turns to the man behind the counter, a different one from before, they must have had a shift change some time before we came back in, and smirks. "Nothing special happened, except for the newbie being attacked by a branch."

The man raises his eyebrow but doesn't comment on Kyoya's joke. He is alluding to me almost walking into a tree because I was distracted and getting whipped in the face by the foliage. I scowl and look down to hide the expression. Sure, it must have looked hilarious, but I don't enjoy being the butt of someone's amusement.

"Anyway", my guide picks up his explanation again, "when the mission was successful, you get a payment slip that you can cash in upstairs at the general mission desk." Waving a piece of paper in front of my nose to get my attention, he grins before nudging me towards the counter to get my own slip of paper.

"That's it for today," Kyoya declares sounding happy to be done, "Meet me here tomorrow at six. Have a nice evening!" With that he turns and walks off.

After a minute of standing there dumbly, I realize that I haven't even said 'goodbye'. I cringe at the faux pas, but it's too late to do anything about it, so I inspect my payment slip to distract myself. It's just a simple piece of paper, about the size of a check in the Before, with my ninja ID and the ID of the office Genin as well as his signature. There's a figure on it as well as the comment that it's two fifths of the pay for a D-ranked mission of the paygrade four.

 _Two fifths? I guess there has to be a reason for the mentors to take on a newbie to show them the ropes._

 _I wonder what the other paygrades are..._

Deciding to get my money right away since I have nothing else to do and could really use some cash to add to my savings. Under one of the tatami mats in the Uchiha house is a small cache of all the money I have stolen and pickpocketed over the years. I never used it to buy anything since I was perfectly able to steal and forage what I needed if I had the time and opportunity, but with the small amount that has gathered, I might be able to get an apartment soon.

The process of getting my pay is as straightforward and uncomplicated as Kyoya had indicated.

Despite the fact that the big three subdivisions of Konoha's military have their own separate mission offices, both Jounin and Chuunin as well as Jounin-track Genin use the general mission desk to pick up unclassified missions. From what I understand, the Genin Corps doesn't simply because they would create too much traffic and clog up the office, so they were ordered to pick their D-ranks up at their own office. C-ranks as well, since the Corps only gets to fulfil a handful of those and they don't want the Genin to constantly ask for more interesting tasks.

But we still have to go to the Chuunin at the general mission desk to get the payment for those missions. No reason was given for that, as Kyoya had informed me with an annoyed tone. And I can understand his animosity towards that regulation.

When I enter the room, more than one set of eyes turns towards me, the lingering and waiting shinobi assessing the new arrival. I see more than one familiar face in the crowd, former classmates that take in my appearance with gleeful recognition. The higher ranked shinobi dismiss me after a once-over, but their students begin whispering among themselves.

Ignoring the hint of annoyance I feel at being dismissed so easily as well as the gossip that has sprung up between my bored-seeming peers, I locate the correct desk to receive my money at and make my way over. The clerk seems unbothered and quickly sorts through my request, handling it efficiently after I answer his question after my bank account with a negative. He hands me a few bills and sends me on my way.

On my way out I can overhear two waiting Chuunin strike up a conversation and even though I try to ignore the murmurs in the room, their exchange catches my attention.

"Have you heard of the Genin team that was doing pest control by the market?"

"Yeah, I heard." There's a chuckle. "Oversized rats, right? Not sure I believe it."

An answering scoff. "Rats can get pretty big if they live long enough, nothing that really needs reporting."

"They didn't catch them?"

"No." A snigger. "It was some green graduates, said they couldn't get a hold of their monster rat before it got away."

"Pfft, you know how the kids are. Probably imagined it to make their mission more interesting."

I reach the door before I can catch the answer to that, but I've heard enough anyway. With a niggling sensation I slip out of the room and leave the tower, heading towards my alley. In my mind, I can picture the stack of empty cages there, the way that two of these enclosures were breached. There is a vague memory of seeing a large rodent in front of them.

Chakra is a weird and volatile energy. During my experiments I have never quite been able to expect all the outcomes my trials would have. I don't remember any of my test subjects to have increased in size at all, but weirder things have happened.

A lot weirder. Like apple seeds exploding because of chakra overload.

But I can't quite wrap my head around exactly how injuring a rat's chakra network and then roughly patching it up would result in any external changes like that. And I seriously doubt that in my research and testing, I have changed the genetic make-up of the rats. Even if I just scrambled their reproductive cells, the chance of a viable mutation like that would come out of it are so infinitesimally low that I would consider it a highly improbable scenario.

Of course, this might all just be a hoax. Children over-reacting to their first time seeing a large rodent and chakra exhaustion distorting the proportions of something I barely even saw. But it also might not be and the mystery is interesting enough for me to look into it.

To do that I just have to capture one of these supersized critters. I'm sure whatever I find would be willing to volunteer for a few tests.

Excitement starts to rise in my chest, making my heartbeat erratic and my breath heavy. It has been much too long since I played around with my pets. Reconstructing jutsu and exploring the way that chakra can be moved and woven into more intricate patterns is neat and all, interesting as well as useful, but there is something much more satisfying in prodding another living being, a foreign chakra system. My own chakra sings through my pathways in anticipation, only increasing my jittery enthusiasm.

 _It really has been too long._

 **-o-**

Sadly, I can't find a trace of the critters I'm looking for, but I find more than one trashcan teeming with life and after running around all evening looking for super-sized rats I snatch two of the larger rats I've come across and bring them back to the alley.

These specimen aren't anything out of the ordinary even if they are large and fat. Their chakra is wholly unremarkable, but in the absence of the kind of rat I'm looking for I decided to try and replicate what made my former experiments grow huge in the first place. And, to be honest, I can't hold back the desire to poke and prod at something anymore, so I'll make do with these two for now.

I spend the rest of the evening mapping out the dormant chakra network of my two brand new volunteers, even going so far as to stay up deep into the night. My curiosity is only riled up to new levels the more I try to contain myself to passive observations, but I manage to keep a hold of it.

Nothing new is discovered that night, but my knowledge about the chakra circulatory system is refreshed and when I lock the rats away into two separate and still undamaged cages, my mind is swirling with inquiries and theories and ideas for experiments.

Sleep comes both hard and easy, because I am too exhausted to even get back to the Uchiha compound and too excited to fall asleep. At some point I must have crashed though, sleeping through the warm summer night in my secure alley like I did so many times before.

 **-o-**

"Well, hello there!" I lift up the rodent that didn't scurry away fast enough, ignoring it's twisting and turning as it tries to wriggle out of my grasp.

"I hear you volunteer for my new study", I regard the animal with a friendly smile, "That's so nice of you, I was just in need of a new subject. The other two are sadly unavailable, real shame. So it's a real stroke of luck that you are so willing to help me."

Beady, black eyes stare at me, frightened as the rodent stills. My smile grows a little wider as I stand from my crouch, the younger rat securely held in my fist. It still got some growing to do and since the last two test subjects were adults and didn't react to my experiments with any kind of physical growth, I am thinking that maybe messing with the chakra network of an adolescent might reap the results I'm looking for.

With a bounce in my step, I step out of the narrow alleyway and onto the bustling main street, dropping my hand clutching the rodent do swing jauntily in time with my gait. I'm in a good mood. I've spent the last days meeting with Kyoya in the early morning to start doing D-ranks until late afternoon. After that I usually cash in my pay slips and head to my alley to do my research into unexpectedly supersized consequences of my meddling with animal chakra networks.

Life is looking to be pretty nice right now, the best it has been since ... ever, really. For the first time since being reborn I feel all around satisfied with my situation. I am not hungry, not in need of shelter, not afraid to go home, not in pain, not shunned by my peers. Well, maybe not the last one.

Kyoya and the older Genin I have encountered thus far don't give two hoots about my reputation in school. They're nice enough, neutral at least and never all that antagonistic. But the younger Genin, my former yearmates and the ones from the previous years, are not quite so accepting. Luckily, I don't have anything to do with them at all, since I'm either out with Kyoya doing missions, earning money, or I enter the Genin Lounge much later than my "agemates" tend to stick around. So their continued animosity towards me is easily ignored, which suits me just fine.

Suddenly, there is a green streak dashing towards me, parting the crowds of early-evening shoppers like a speedboat cuts through waves. My fist tightens in anticipation of being the focus of that enthusiastic whirlwind. A loud _pop_ alerts me to the fact that I have just snapped the spine of my newest test subject, but it's not like I really care. Rats are a dime a dozen, finding another juvenile rodent like this one won't be a problem.

"Hikari-chan! Your Youth shines so brightly, it is the Beauty Of Konoha!"

 _That_ might be a problem though. I look up at Gai as he strikes a good guy pose in front of me, flashing me with an enthusiastic thumbs up. _I still haven't forgotten that he was the one that got me stuck on a team under Kakashi with no chance to pass his test..._

"You know, Maito-san, if you always proclaim my beauty, people might think you're trying to court me."

Gai's superbly shocked expression is a sight to behold, all wide eyes and a dropped jaw. Then tears gather in these wide shocked eyes and the man throws an arm over his face to sob manly tears and proclaim that he would never be "such an UnYouthful deviant!"

 _...but it's kind of hard to stay mad at Gai._ The fact that I'm not really unhappy with my current situation certainly helps along my forgiveness.

"Did you want something, Maito-san?", I interrupt his fifth repeat of the tearful declarations about how he would protect my honour so that I shall never need to worry about UnYouthful miscreants.

With a beaming smile, Gai snaps out of his rant and regards me with an almost sheepish expression. "Since my UnYouthful interference with team placement has Upset You So!" -here, the calmer tone Gai had been shooting for gets utterly obliterated by his enthusiasm- "I Decided To Make It Up To You WITH A NEW TRAINING PLAN!"

Blinking stars from my eyes in reaction to Gai's _visible_ excitement, I can't help the smile that sneaks onto my face and lifts the corners of my mouth. _There is absolutely no way anybody could stay mad at Gai. Annoyed? Maybe. But angry? No._

"Sure." It takes a moment for my answer to register, before I am summarily whisked away to a training ground by a happily shouting Jounin.

Gai's idea of an apology leaves me wishing for my nerve endings to malfunction just so that I can escape my sore muscles the next day, but while I might be prone to whine about it, I don't particularly mind the training. I still vividly remember fleeing through a forest of tall grass, being chased by an oversized lizard and utterly helpless to defend myself. Any kind of training is welcome at this point, especially since I don't have to worry about my calorie balance anymore. And as a member of the Genin Corps, refusing a Jounin offering to train you for free is just dumb, so I go along with every exercise Gai introduces to me.

There is a lot that occupies my time the following weeks. Genin Corps missions with Kyoya to earn money, insane hell training with Gai, going through Konoha's rat population in order to find out what exactly turned my lab rats into mutants.

I should probably also contact the lizards again, I need to figure out which ones I can and cannot summon and what their skills are, but with how crammed my days turn out to be, I just don't have enough time to spare. In a moment of exasperation at my inability to shuffle things around to even get three consecutive hours free, I decide that I will take a whole day off to tackle the issue as soon as Kyoya deems me ready to take missions by myself. Then I focus back on the squirming rat in my grasp.

My days might be spent crammed full and hectic and exhausting, but I sure enjoy myself.

 **-o-**

I am once again dragging my tuckered out body back towards my alley, ruminating about the series of experiments that have shown some promise, when I see it. In a straight alleyway connecting two larger streets in the centre of Konoha, between discarded crates from the grocer next door, moves a shadowed silhouette. Its body is hunched, coiled into a ball of dark fur, tail twitching amongst the boxes like an especially large earthworm, with black eyes that blend with the shadows easily as to hide their occupant.

It's a giant rat. Exactly what I have been hunting for the last three weeks. I lunge into the alley, chasing after the simply unnaturally large rat but to my great annoyance, the rodent is fast and more than capable of navigating the small alleys as well as slim crawl-spaces that I can't reach without the aid of jutsu, not that I would even have anything in my arsenal that would help me if the rat were to decide to hide instead of running away.

But despite it being faster than any rat I've seen before, as well as smarter and stronger, the rodent's large size prevents it from using the much smaller rat holes that dot the alleyways. After I shove a splintered board into the third crawl-space the rat tries to hide in, I snatch its tail when it bolts out of the small opening.

"Hah! Gotcha!"

My answer is a shriek from the animal's mouth as it twists and curls, intent on biting the wrist of the hand that holds it. "Nu-uh!", I deny it, grabbing the rat's neck with my free left hand before it can sink its teeth into my arm. Grinning, I get a better hold on the rat's midsection with my right, letting the rodent's tail swish around freely.

"Soo, now that I finally got one of you monsters..." My thought trails off as I look at the general bustle on the main street. Already some people have noticed the commotion in the alley and are looking my way with wide, surprised eyes. _Well, it's not like I could have avoided scrutiny anyway._

Hesitantly, I step out of the alley, holding the rat at arms distance so that it can't scratch me with those mean-looking nails. The reaction of the nearby civilians is almost immediate. They startle and flinch back when they realize exactly what I am holding. One of the women out shopping gives a frightened shriek at the sight of the oversized critter. I try not to let the attention get to me. I don't like attention, but I can't avoid it right now.

"'Scuse me, coming through," I call as I start heading vaguely in the direction of my alleyway, trying to look determined and busy. At least I have no problems getting through the crowd as it parts before me like the red sea.

"What in the world is that?!" calls one of the braver men that hasn't fallen into hasty whispers with the other passers-by.

"It's a rat", I answer blandly, "No idea why it's so big." Shrugging uncomfortably, I decide to try and put myself in a positive light, maybe then the crowd would stop eyeing me so weirdly, "I saw it around the farmers market and thought I'd better get rid of it before it causes any damage..." Clamping my mouth shut before I can start to stutter, I stride along purposefully.

 _At least I'm close to my alley_ , I reassure myself, _I just gotta slip in without them noticing._

I turn a corner a block away from the genjutsu'd alleyway that I call my own and sprint up the wall to the roof of a house. With a few quick leaps, I drop off the next edge and almost catch myself in order not to slam into a roof that isn't there.

 _Wow, Itachi's genjutsu is even more effective if you try to access the alley from above_. Marvelling at the new facet of the protective construct that surrounds my safe space, I look upwards in a failed attempt to see the illusion from the inside.

Then I shake myself out of my reverie. I have successfully avoided the civilians seeing me enter and I hope that I was on the roofs so briefly that I didn't attract any attention from passing shinobi. Only time will tell, but in the mean time, I have something else to occupy myself with.

The large rat is still squirming in my hands, thrashing around in hopes that it might loosen my hold. Half a dozen regular rats in the cages answer its angry squeaks with their own cacophony of shrieks, clawing at their cages and acting generally either upset or excited.

Before I can concentrate on examining this new specimen, I'll have to calm it down first. _What a good thing that I know their off-switch!_

I let carefully filtered, neutral chakra emanate out of the palm of my left hand, guiding it to slide under the animal's skin. Unsurprisingly the insides of the rat are as upset and squirming as he animal itself, the chakra swirling in agitated spirals and uncontrolled bursts. It's a task and a half just to let my own probing chakra tendril glide into the pulsing coils, but with great patience and unwavering focus, I manage to enter and start guiding my chakra through the core pathways towards the brain.

Like with all my rodent test subjects before, all pathways leading to the brain run through a comparatively large tenketsu at the base of the medulla oblangata that filters the chakra to protect the arguably most vital organ of the body from the more volatile currents of chakra. Originally, I had ignored that checkpoint, circumventing it by guiding my chakra tendrils directly into the cerebellum where the fight-or-flight response originates, but I've found that such an approach can cause quite a lot of damage to the neuron tissues in the way. And since I have very good control over the nature of my chakra by now, even when outside my own body, it's no problem to just use the intended pathways.

Quietly, without any adverse response of the rat's system, I slip my tendril through the checkpoint and soon enough reach my target. A little twist to my chakra, then pushing it out of the group of capillaries and the rat relaxes in my hands. With a satisfied grin, I set in onto the ground before I kneel before it, resting both my hands on the calm body of the rodent.

When I once again slide chakra into my test subject, the rodent's chakra has calmed and I encounter no resistance at all when I spread my probing chakra out to investigate the rat's anatomy.

Mostly, it's nothing new, the different organs and muscle groups proportionally enlarged compared to the normal-sized rats. By now the make-up of my rodent volunteers has become so very familiar to me that I can easily judge just where this specimen differs from the norm. Size being the most obvious deviation, of course. But there were also smaller, less apparent discrepancies.

The small intestines were longer, a few more coils filling the abdomen than its smaller brethren boast. The muscles are denser, the fibres packed tightly with veins and arteries perfusing them. The brain is larger, more wound up and active when I carefully scope it out.

However, there is one glaring divergence from the norm. It's so shockingly and unexpectedly different that it hadn't even crossed my mind as a possible cause for the unnatural size of the rodent. And it is most definitely the reason for the rat's divergence from the norm.

It has an active chakra network.

To anyone that never went to the Academy that might not make a lot of sense, since all living things have chakra and all animals have some form of chakra network, because without chakra nothing can live in this world. But there is a very distinct difference between an active and a passive chakra network. It is the difference between civilians and shinobi.

Where a civilian body has only small chakra pathways and produces just enough chakra to keep itself running smoothly with little to no excess, a shinobi's pathways are widened, the tenketsu swollen with stored chakra. Civilians are unable to properly and consciously control their chakra, shinobi can gain such control with training.

I know of these differences between active and passive networks only through all the medical texts I read while researching the chakra circulatory system, but now that I have sensed both normal rodents with passive systems and a specimen with an active one, I can most definitely apply that knowledge to this situation.

With the wider vessels, the larger tenketsu and all the excess chakra flowing through this rodent's coils, there is no doubt left in my mind that, _somehow_ , something lead to it's chakra network to be activated. Humans can be born with an active chakra network or activate it later on. In fact, a lot of civilian born Academy children need to get help from a medic nin to manually make the switch. I'm not sure which one was the case for me, since I consciously made an effort to work with my chakra at a very young age, but I know that at least the Kotobukis had to go to the hospital for a controlled stimulus at the start of the second Academy year.

 _Why, though?_ Why _does a literal street rat have an active chakra system?_

I comb over all of the rodent's pathways, trying to ascertain whether or not it actually was one of my previous volunteers that escaped. But I can't find anything, no badly healed ruptures in the vessels, no chakra burns or scarring, no nothing. It is completely healthy.

Baffled and not just a little confused, I pull back my probing chakra and lean away from the rodent, sitting on my heels and trying to figure out what the implications of this discovery are. And how it happened for the rat to have an active network.

Dumbfounded. I feel completely dumbfounded. Who ever heard of an animal with an active chakra system? Nobody!

Or maybe not? _I guess summon animals would have to have an active network. I wonder how much their anatomy differs from normal animals of their species..._

 _And nin animals as well. The Inuzuka's ninken at least have to have an active network with all the techniques they are able to learn. Not to mention that the Inuzuka feed their partners chakra supplements if needed during fights. That would endanger them if they had a passive system._

While I am fully immersed in my thoughts, I don't recognise the tell-tale twitch of my newest volunteer's legs for what it is until it's too late. In a burst of speed the animal leaps up and dashes out of the alley while I'm still stumbling to my feet, surprised and caught off-guard.

This is a first. Never before had a test subject escaped from right under my nose. I frown as I wander to the edge of the alley and peer at the emptying street. Of course the rat has already disappeared, apparently going unnoticed since the civilians still out and about don't seem worried or upset at all.

What a weird animal.

Intriguing though. I will have to find it again to see exactly how much control it might or might not have over its chakra.

 _And next time I wont let it escape._

 **-Omake-**

A very uncharacteristic sigh escapes the Jounin as he locks eyes with his summon. Grey meets brown in a stare-down. Brown wins as the man straightens from his crouch and ruffles his wind-swept hair.

"Do we really have to go over this again?"

The dog growls. "Brat, you can't ignore your pup. It's not right."

"I've told you before, she's not my pup, Pakkun."

"Of course she is, I've smelled her. Even if the similarities aren't that obvious, they're there."

"What you smelled was my scent rubbing off because we were sparring before I summoned you."

The dog growls, "Brat, don't you get smart with me! I can distinguish between temporary influences and the signature whiff." When the man shrugs that argument off, the pug gets even more annoyed with his master. "Bisuke sensed it as well!", he barks.

Kakashi sighs again, "Wishful thinking. You've been bugging me for a pup to add to the pack for over a year now. Bit convenient that suddenly one turns up _and old enough to sign the contract as well?_ ", the man intones mockingly, raising his hands to cover his already covered mouth in the imitation of an excited fangirl. Then he evades the irritated dog that tries to bite his ankles in retaliation for being ridiculed.

"Why, Pakkun, it's almost as if you can't argue with that?", remarks the Leaf Jounin in a sing-song voice that hides his own irritation at his persistent summons. He is not a fan of the fixation his pack has developed for the girl. While they stay professional and obedient during missions, they pester him to admit that the girl is his daughter, even though he is certain no such thing is true.

Pakkun growls again, but stops chasing after Kakashi's dancing feet. "Just let me see her again, then I'll show you that she's yours."

Kakashi rolls his eye. He doesn't want to meet Hikari, doesn't want to see her wasting her potential in the Genin Corps. He doesn't want to see her discontent. He especially doesn't want to see the hatred she no doubt harbours for him for not taking her on as his student. He knows he would hate himself if he were in her situation. But if it will get his pack to finally shut up about her, he would just get it over with. When they see how much she surely resents him, they might stop wanting to integrate her into the pack.

So he leads his summoned ninken through the training grounds toward the memorial stone. He's avoided the place ever since failing her team, because Hikari could usually be found here.

Not today, though, as the clearing is empty. Her scent lingers faintly in the underbrush surrounding the clearing, but it's at least a few days old.

"She's not here," Pakkun observes and Kakashi bites back a sarcastic remark on the dog's amazing observational skills. He is agitated and he doesn't like it. He doesn't like it when something gets so personal, so close to him. He doesn't have a daughter, he doesn't have any living family, all the people that ever came close to him were dead. Dead and gone.

On their own accord his eyes find Obito's name on the memorial stone, then they pick out Rin and trail over to Minato and Kushina. He doesn't want Hikari to be his daughter. All those that come close to him die, he is a harbourer of bad luck. With a tightening in his chest, Kakashi silently admits that he doesn't want her to die. The thought alone shows that she is much too close to him already. It will be good if she drifts away, never sees him again.

Sharp teeth close around an ankle and Pakkun feels satisfied when the brat snaps out of his misery. He hates it, when the boy falls into ruminations, hates the stink of grief and self-hatred that coats his boss when he stares at the stone.

"The girl," Pakkun reminds Kakashi and is rewarded with a grunt, before the brat takes off again. The dog has no problems keeping up, he is, after all, a trained ninken. He doesn't appreciate the brat pouring on the speed in a clear attempt at petty revenge.

Before long they come across another brat, occupying a training ground close by and enthusiastically kicking the air in a practise drill. As soon as the boy spots them, he exuberantly shouts a greeting and bounds over. Pakkun likes Maito Gai, even if the boy is much too loud for his preferences. He is a good influence on the brat though, because not even Kakashi can lose himself in dark ruminations when in the company of someone as lively as the so-called Green Beast.

"Gai," the brat greets in his usual flat intonation, "Do you know where Hikari is?"

"Of course, my hip and cool rival! Young Hikari-chan is currently running garbage collection as a mission for the Genin Corps!" At that the boy gives a thumbs-up, but Pakkun can hardly understand his excitement. It sounded like a shitty mission and he had run more than a few shitty missions himself with the brat.

"Ah," Kakashi intones, not showing any emotion, but Pakkun can smell the guilt on him. He narrows his eyes on the brat as said brat turns to him. "Another day then, Pakkun", he decides with that fake-as-shit smile, "We wouldn't want to disturb Hikari-chan while she's working."

He already expects it, but the summoned dog is still more than annoyed as he is flung back into his own realm.


	17. The first free day

AN: Moi moi, dear readers. Peruna here. So, it's been a month. That happened. This is the point where I'd apologize and ask y'all's forgiveness, but let's skip over that part for now. I've not been feeling very well, slipping into self-harming behaviour that I'm really less than proud of, so let's just say that I had very little motivation to write anything happy. And since this chapter was supposed to be a tad lighter than all the doom and gloom from the recovery arc, I put it off. But here we are. With a new chapter of average length and a ridiculously lomg Omake. Don't be weirded out or anything, but this upload will have a rather long community service, 'cause I wanted to reply to all y'all as an apology for taking so long, as well as a rant about Hikari's reasons for behaving the way she is at the very end of the chapter for all who're interested.

Also, two shoutouts today! One for the lovely **_TheCauldron_** , whonis my sounding board for all kinds of stuff and who you can thank for this chapter's Omake as well as the next few Omakes. She writes interesting stuff as well, so go check her out if y'all have some time and want to read something good.

The next shoutout is to **_Coooooookie77_** who is a very good friend of mine (and also occasionally helps me with the plot of _Lizard Brain_ ) and has just taken the leap of faith and ( _finally!)_ decided to publish one of her own projects. It's called _How to survive your psychiatrist_ and is a collection of very short chapters and scenes that she will be uploading daily for the next week. I've already read all of them and can only say that I was more than thrilled. It's definitely worth a read, so please check it out and tell her how you liked it!

Onto community servive! Thank you all so much, so, so much for your continued support. Thanks for all the favs and follows and all the wonderful reviews you keep gifting me with. Honestly, you reviewers are probably the only reason I haven't abandoned this project yet. You give me the incentive to work out an actual plot, to make things interesting, to tickle a reaction out of you :) No matter if you have positive or negative feedback, I always enjoy reading the reviews, so I want to thank all my lovely reviewers that take the time to help make this story great.

On the subject of negative reviews. There is one that has really been that last shove I needed to start writing again, which is why I'm pulling it up front before answering the rest of the reviews in the usual order.

To **_Blaise Welshman_** : I pick broken housewife, because that's what Hikari is: A victim of domestic abuse, scarred by what she experienced. I don't mind her being what she is, because this story is centered around the main character and her character development. Why do you use the term "broken housewife" like an insult? Like a broken housewife is somehow weak and unworthy because she fell victim to domestic violence. She's just another human, there's nothing better or worse about that, so i really don't see where your anger is coming from. There are a few statements in your review that I can simply agree with on the same basis. "She lost her dignity so miserably and is pretending everything is fine." Yes, she has and yes, she does, good observation. "All the empathy should have been beaten out of her, and yet she continues." Yes, she is having trouble with empathy, she's unnecessarily cruel to animals and rarely does anything that doesn't somehow benefit herself. And what else is there to do but to continue? When life sucks you have two options: Continue livin or die. And Hikari doesn't want to commit suicide, so she continues living.

As you may have noticed, I find working with a weak character perfectly fine, because it gives that much more inner and outer conflict to explore and it gives the character ample space to grow as a person. You tell me to have empathy and yet you openly say that you would gloat about and make it your life goal to kill your mothee if you were in Hikari's situation. And yes, I wouldn't kill her in that situation, Hikari is based on my own personality, that is what Self Insert means. We can't all be strong independant women, who don't need no man (!). Apparantly you haven't met many introverted or passive personalities yet and from my first reading of your review I'd have guessed you to be a high school student, or at least around that age bracket. However, I read on your profile that you are done with college even, at which point I can only suggest you try to widen your horizon a little. Take a peek into other cultures, into genres you don't usually read, listen to a few Tedx talks, because you seem to be very uncomfortable when presented with something you can't understand and instead of taking it what it is, you lash out. Maybe take a look at the genres for which this fanfiction is labeled and stop wondering why the bad outweighs the good here, alright? Thanks.

Also, to a very good question you posted: The boar seal was not taken off the curriculum, because it's an integral part of many jutsu and can not be replaced. In the same vein, no adjustments in teaching this seal have been made, because Hikari is the first person in Konoha history to blow her pathways up like this just through channelling the boar seal. Normally, pressure in the chakra vessels is released through the tenketsu. Usually, people don't increase the pressure the boar seal creates until it is unbearable, because the body instinctively shies away from that. Hikari had such a great control over her chakra and all the little processes that go into controlling it, that she overlooked her body's warning signals. Also, she tried something wholly new while distracted, her injury was completely her own fault.

 **And now** back to our regularly scheduled program ;) Also, please don't be afraid to leave negative reviews, they usually do give me some inspiration or motivation or at least food for thought or amusement.

To **_Shannyrox101_** : No problem with being vindictive. I bet you'll enjoy this chapter :P

To **_calcu22_** : It's less about not wanting to change the canon teams and not having a reason to. By the time Gai gets a team (in two years because I screwed the timeline a bit), Hikari won't be a Genin anymore.

To **_twinbuster2_** : All Omakes are head-canon unless labelled otherwise.

To **_sarahmchugs_** : It'll take a _lot_ of evidence to convince Kakashi. He's the master of denial.

To _Guest_ (no 1): Thank you, I'm glad to entertain :)

To **_InARealPickle_** : Thanks for all your reviews, I love it when people post reviews as they get caught up.

To **_Dalilt_** : Ahh, you misunderstood that. It's not that the mentor takes 3/5ths of the newby's earnings, it's that instead of splitting the mission pay half-half between them, like Genin partners would normally do, the mentor gets just a little percentage more for his efforts.

To **_Sheechire_** : You haven't before, but thank you!

To **_Nellyqt_** : Well, aren't you vindictive? Sadly, I must inform you that I have no confrontation between Hikari and her mother planned for another ten to twenty chapters or so :P

To **_Cisk Kazzarch_** : Thanks for still leaving a review on every chapter! You've been here since the very first chapter and I appreciate that.

To **_Sam est classe_** : The dogs won't have to wait for grandkids, Hikari could technically still sign their contract. It's not usually done, because the clans don't really want to share their summoner with their rivals, but it's possible. The Genin Corps is pretty boring and potentially frustrating for those who spend their whole lives there, but it's not a _bad_ job.

To **_omnipotent Porunga_** : Huuoo, well, from ten to sixteen certainly is a lot that that happened, glad you liked the shift. Hikari will only have one, very strong elemental affinity, and in a backwards way it has already made an appearance. What do you think it is?

To **_Anomanom_** : Nah, the rat in question isn't a summon. Nin rats are an interesting idea, but no-one in Konoha uses them.

To **_TheCauldron_** : ~Oops, I did it again.

To **_hatakecopynin_** : Keep making shit up, I don't mind. Also, what gave you the idea, I'd abandon this story? Oh? The month long wait? Nevermind...

To **_BabyFUG_** : Gotta love dem rats in this story xD

To **_iluvfairytale_** : Very good take on Hikari there. Why would she waste her time resenting the bad things in life if she can move past that onto happier things?

To **_Ardishana_** : Kakashi gets an A for effort, wouldn't you say? With a golden star as encouragement? Also yes, Hikari can still sign with the dogs and yes, Pakkun will never in his life let this go.

To **_RotcehM_** : Thanks!

To **_LPWormer_** : Well, took me longer than expected, but here it is :)

To **_Xalmtris_** : Wohoo! Long review! I myself find it very interesting what readers take away from my chapter uploads, because it's always different. Her summons really do say somthing about her personality and she will totally have more than just a working relationship with them *cue evil laugter*. Also, what are you talking about? Lack of support, pfft, Hikari totally has ... Gai. That's enough :P I feel like killing off Bejiro's teammates would have been about as sneaky as knocking on a door with a sledgehammer. Too predictable, I'm afraid. You actually pointed out two inconsistencies that I decided to clear up in this chapter, so thanks a bunch!

To **_LalondeBii_** : Hoo boy, did you give me something to read! Thank you! I found it very interesting to read about your ideas and I loved into how much detail you went. It was beautiful, really, sound reasoning all around, but there's one itty bitty hiccup in your plan for Hikari to be Orochimaru's underling: The time until the Chuunin exams. I know my timeline isn't identical to the canon timeling, but the Chuunin Exam/Invasion is about four years away and at the point where Orochimaru recruits Kabuto and takes a real interest in Konoha, Hikari's situation will be very different. Ahh, I'm also very happy that you like my Itachi so much. He behaves quite different around Hikari than canon Itachi, so it's kinda OOC but not quite, I'd reckon... I like it this way though and there will most definitely be more Itachi in the future.

To **_ShotoGun_** : Hikari has other stuff she needs to do and the penalty for messing up sage training is kinda harsh, so she won't try it without her summons' support.

To **_4everfictional_** : I'm sure Pakkun will accept that and move on :P

To _Squeee_ : Eh, Hikari doesn't have to kill something in order to dissect it. Also, funnily enough, I already have an outline for a sequel to _A Bearable Fate_ , where the MC is reborn as a rat xD I still need some scenes to pad out the story though, so it's not ready to be published ;)

To _guest_ : Ooh, what are your other top three Naruto fanfictions? I'm always open for recommendations.

To **_xxamayanightrainxx_** : Ohh, I'm happy you didn't drop this story after the second scene :P A 4 year age gap isn't that big a thing, but in the teens it means that there will be very likely some very different interests and boundaries. My point is more that Keiko took advantage of a young, grieving person who's unable to consent. To be fair, she wasn't all there as well, but it's still wrong.. We will see more of Itachi in the future, since I'm way too fond of that bloke.. Also Hikari will summon Komodo _once_ and that's all I will say about that (muhahaha). And do feel free to ramble, I don't mind at all :)

To **_Sfekke1905_** : Thanks! This story is rather focused on character development, so I'm glad you enjoy it.

To **_Athla_** : We can all dream, can't we? I find it highly amusing how everybodies opinion on father!Kakashi differs.

To **_bored411_** : O-O ... Yes, I might be a little star struck. I love your work and can't express my joy that you like my story :) Also, I might have been reading _Alexander - the Seer and Changer of time_ instead of writing myself... oops. Like I said, I'm somewhat of a fan :3

To **_jordyfinarata_** : A toast to diversity!

To _Guest_ (no 2): ~It's a hard-knock life

To **_Diehard Gamer_** : Yeah, I'm always going back and forth on how much misery is too much. But I always try to do things differently than other SI fanfictions, which mostly leads to negative results, especially at the beginning. But I do try to keep the morale up.

To **_SamsaraMorningstar_** : Good to have you back! Also, my god, what a cute profile picture, though I liked the old one as well :3 You're right, Kakashi without guilt isn't Kakashi, so here is some more of him being himself :P

To _hopeless reader_ : And here we are again. Now it's the _second_ time and author has answered you ;) I'm glad you liked the chapter, writing happy things for Hikari is kinda new and difficult for me, which really says a lot, doesn't it?

To **_ephemeral-times_** : Neat! What are the other two top candidates? And I agree that music always kinda sticks to you.

To _Harumi_ : Oh, another Spanish speaking reader! Random question: Do you read this story through a translater as well? Because some of my other readers do that and I find it hilarious and kinda cool :P Thanks for the high praise! I do my very best to keep Hikari grounded :)

To **_adrian11_** : Thanks!

To **_Through the Mirror Darkly_** : Pakkun is very insistent in that. But no worries, the next chapters will be a bit lighter in tone than the rest of the story.

To _Guest_ (no 3): Oh, don't worry. Hikari can be a happy Genin without a team as well ;)

To _Guest_ (no 4): Kakashi is a bit willfully inattentive of others outside of missions. He, of course realised that Hikari is poorly dressed, but that could just be her family being poor or her being an orphan. No further thought needed. And for the longest time he didn't care all that much either. When he begrudgingly admitted he cared, maybe just a little, he got the pills because it was painfully obvious she couldn't afford them.

To _Guest_ (no 5): The truth might be out, but it still has to be accepted as such :P

To **_Spoon - As in the Utensil_** : I love your user name and profile picture.

 _Goodness that took way too long._

 **I do not own Naruto.**

 **17**

"So, last day with me as a mentor, do you have any last questions?"

With a hum, I think about it. We've done uncountable missions together for the last six weeks, spending every day from morning 'til the early evening completing tasks without a day of rest in-between, so I don't even have to feel bad when my first question is "How do I take a day off?"

Kyoya laughs and looks over at me with clear amusement, "Worked you too hard, did I?" At my shrug he laughs again, "I was wondering the whole time when you'd have enough and look for an apprenticeship outside of the Corps."

"What?", I ask, genuinely confused.

He raises an eyebrow. "Come on, don't play stupid. People that graduate at your age are always prodigies and it's unheard of for them to join the Genin Corps of all things."

"I'm not a prodigy," I defend, feeling a little embarrassed at his assumption. I might be better than my peers on an intellectual level, and probably on par on a physical thanks to Gai's training gauntlet, but that's never been acknowledged by anyone. "And there's nobody that wants to apprentice me."

"Whatever you say," the man dismisses the topic with a wave of his hand, "If you want to take a day off, you just don't come in. Nobody will force you to take missions, but it's good if you at least swing by twice a week to tell us your status and where we can find you in case of an emergency."

"Oh, huh, that was easier than I thought." And it certainly is a good thing as well. No matter how much I enjoy padding my savings, working as much as we had is not what I had looked forward to when graduating. Sure, some missions are not as mind-numbingly dull as others and I do enjoy working my body through manual labour -simply because I _can_ , I don't think I will ever take being able to move painlessly for granted- but I have better things to do with my time. Like training to become a Chuunin at some point. Or contacting my summons, which I really should get around to. Or hunting Benjiro down to hang out together.

I miss that stupid Nara. We haven't met more than in passing ever since the teams were assigned. Sometimes I see him around the village with his teammates as they go about completing D-ranks themselves, but a lot of their time is occupied by training. I don't know what exactly they're up to, but I'm sure I could find out if I just had a little free time.

But that's a thought for tomorrow. I pull myself out of my musings and give my ID for the mission Kyoya has selected for us. Within the first week he had shown me where I can find information on the available missions and how to request specific missions instead of being assigned to one randomly.

For today he had chosen a 'Rent a Genin'- mission, as I like to call them. They're a standard D-rank, where the client pays for a Genin to assist them with whatever for a set time frame. Mostly that means manual labour, but sometimes Genin with specific skills are requested, like for construction work or to act as stand-ins when a cook in a restaurant falls ill with no replacement. Someone in the Corps always has the demanded proficiency, no matter how obscure or seemingly nonsensical. The one Kyoya picked is just the standard one though, so it will probably be easy enough.

As we exit the Hokage tower through the back, I turn to my mentor. "I got another question. Do you know an affordable place I can get a flat?"

He hums. "There are several houses where rent is cheap in the civilian district. You could always go to the Genin barracks as well, if you don't mind sharing a room." Then he lists off the addresses of all the cheaper apartment buildings he remembers as well as directions to the barracks and leaves it at that. Kyoya always answered my questions shortly with minimal fuss. I kind of adore him for that, it's incredibly helpful.

The rest of the way to our assignment is spent by me asking less important questions, like how much the older Genin Corps members train or what kind of jutsu or tricks he might be willing to share. Kyoya waves away the last request, quoting that the last day isn't the best time to teach something new, but I'm pretty sure he just doesn't want to reveal his cards. Even a Genin is still a ninja and shinobi are notorious for keeping their skill set secret.

Though, to be fair, Kyoya _has_ shown me a handful of useful chakra tricks and a small fire-jutsu that can act as a flashlight. Most of what he tried to teach me, I already knew, like tree and water walking, but others were new and useful, like releasing chakra through your skin in a small burst to clear away dirt.

All in all, my time with him as my mentor wasn't spent with a lot of teaching and more working, which apparently was his way of trying to scare me away from the Genin Corps. I shake my head in disbelief over that. Like I'm not a hard worker or something. But I guess most supposed child geniuses had enough other options that they can pursue so that they don't have to stay in the Genin Corps. Kyoya had put me into that category and I'm not really sure what to make of that.

Before long, we arrive at the farmers market. It's still too early for any kind of crowds, so we have no problem in getting to our destination. Though when I see where exactly we are headed, I stop and stare. A moment later, the owner of the stall spots me as well from where he is opening his little box of a shop.

"Oi! Don't you dare come any closer you filthy, thieving street scum!"

Now Kyoya stops as well, looking more than a little confused. The enraged man points a finger at me.

"Don't think just because you're now a professional murderer that I'll let you anywhere near my merchandise, you dirty punk!"

When my mentor looks back at me, I shift my weight uncomfortably. "I was young and stupid, we all make mistakes", I lie. Kyoya furrows his brow, looking me over as if he's never seen me before.

"I think it'd be best if I do this mission solo then", he concludes. I feel my heart sink when he catches my gaze with his scrutinizing eyes, "Sometimes clients will refuse to work with you and there's nothing you can do except hand the mission over to somebody else", he shrugs, "Apparently that's the lesson to be learned today. See you around."

Unhappy, I watch as Kyoya turns around and approaches the stall to talk with the owner who is still glaring at me even if he has stopped yelling for the time being. I hadn't imagined our last mission together to be cut short like this. _I hope he doesn't think of me as a thief now._

With a twinge of apprehension I turn away and walk off. I could go back to the Hokage tower and get a different mission, but I'm not in the mood to deal with anybody else right now, so I head to my alley.

When I slip under the protective curtain of Itachi's genjutsu, I feel a little better. His chakra signature still lingers in the protection he set up, though it becomes less pronounced as time wears on and the jutsu draws in ambient chakra to sustain itself. Often I wonder how exactly a complex technique like that can remain without any physical anchors, it is one reason why seal masters are so coveted after all.

A normal technique wavers when the caster cuts the connection and dissipates sooner or later when the chakra it was charged with runs out. Itachi's genjutsu over my alley however, seems to draw in ambient chakra like a seal would theoretically do. Of course, all I know about seals comes from my very vague foreknowledge on the subject as well as the sparse information available to Genin at the Public Library, so I might be wrong in the comparison, but whatever my Uchiha friend did was no simple genjutsu, that much is clear.

Shaking off the familiar train of thought, I take in the situation, before lurching forward. The giant rat, however, has seen me a split second before I saw it and is already jumping out of the dumpster and hopping over the cages with its smaller brethren in order to slip through my fingers.

"Oh, no, you don't!", I hiss and put on a burst of speed, managing to brush the naked tail swishing behind the huge rodent but not fast enough to grab a hold of it. With a leap the fat, brown rat clears the wooden fence at the end of the cul-de-sac and disappears into the gutter behind it.

"Curse you, Rattmann! I'll get you sooner or later!" I don't even bother to climb the fence and search the other street, because I know that the hole the rodent fled to and know that trying to dig it up is a fruitless endeavour.

Sighing, I turn to the handful of subjects I have collected in the past few months during the semi-frequent pest control missions I did with Kyoya. The big rat that just slipped through my fingers seems to be the only of its kind in Konoha so far, because there is no evidence to suggest that it has any brethren of equally ridiculous size. It makes me wonder even more just how it got to have an active chakra network and how such a thing might be inherited. Because, without doubt, that big guy has had enough opportunity to produce offspring and yet there have been no reports of monster rodents terrorizing the citizens. If one discounts his own sightings, that is.

I don't know why, but ever since I captured him that one time and brought him here to study the oversized rat has taken to come to my alley rather frequently while I'm away. Sometimes I only see the signs of his presence, like the scratch marks he leaves on the fence every time he scrabbles over it, other times I walk in on him digging through the dumpster or gnawing on the cages. The last one is by far his most annoying activity, his tendency to free the other rats has cost me more than one promising subject. And because I need something to curse at, I named the rat. Doug Rattmann, a fitting name for such a meddlesome escaped test subject.

Humming tonelessly, I check the cages, but it seems that Rattmann didn't have the time to chew up another of my enclosures. Not that it would matter all that much anymore, since I've taken to train the rats to come on command. Training the rats is currently all I do with them except for giving them a daily check. That's mostly because I want to see how an activated chakra network affects the rodents' bodies and capabilities and in order to have test subjects with activated networks I have to activate them manually, after which the body needs time to readjust the chakra coils and expand the vessels.

In order to monitor the changes with the least amount of errors, I have to put any other experiments I have on hold. Well, most of the other experiments. I _had_ a control group for the rats that got their chakra network activated, but then I remembered that with all the test subjects that have gone through my hands, I already have a very good idea on how a normal rat's body is capable of. So I decided to try something with that unnecessary control group.

Having, at that point, already started training my subjects out of boredom, I decided to see if I couldn't get a little more motivation into my furry little friends. Now, rats are pretty smart on their own and curious enough to be somewhat easy to train -it's no wonder that many people held them as pets in the Before- but thanks to Olds and Milner, it's been shown that they will do just about anything for a stimulation of the Nucleus accumbens. Finding those two areas, one on each half of the brain, that act as a reward centre that governs just about every urge a mammal can have, was a little tricky and determining exactly how much chakra is too much chakra for a little friendly stimulation resulted in more than one fried rat brain, but by now I have a pretty decent grasp on how to make my rodents happy with less effort than sticking a leaf to my face. Okay, maybe not less effort, but it certainly doesn't take any more chakra, it's just a tad finicky.

Anyway, it's all well and good that I've worked that out, because I burned through all of my control group with those trials and then lost a bunch of test subjects to Rattmann's meddling. My remaining ones are rather less likely to run away, because it just so happens that stimulation of the Nucleus Accumbens is highly addictive and I just so happen to use that to keep my rats in line and where I want them.

When I'm done looking over the cages, I saunter to the dumpster and browse what's on display, looking for something that would be good food for my subjects. Since Rattmann has just pranced about in there, I'm not keen on feeding myself for now, but the itty bitty rats might be hungry and expanding ones chakra coils, or just working with chakra, really, takes a lot of energy. I spot what seems to be half a bowl of plain white rice thrown away and shake my head at the wastefulness of this restaurant. It's ridiculous what they will throw away just because a customer hasn't finished it. But it works for me, has kept me fed for years now, so I would never complain.

I scoop up the sticky rice and wander back towards the cages. Only four of them are occupied. Three with an adult rodent each, all of which are mostly done with growing their expanded chakra vessels, and one cage that has two juveniles in it. Those two I picked up just last week. When Kyoya and I unearthed a nest of rats during a pest control mission, I just pocketed a handful of babies out of curiosity. These two females were the ones that survived out of the bunch and I had the idea of testing whether or not an activated chakra network has a larger effect on still growing subjects, so one of the sisters got a stimulus yesterday that should be enough to activate her network while the other is allowed to continue growing normally.

To be honest, I'm mostly interested in the two babies at this point. The adults have yet to show any crass signs of their possibly increased capabilities, they mostly just hang around in their cages, bored probably but not likely to run away.

Pursing my lips, I open the first cage with an adult in it. The rodent instantly pokes its head out, following my retreating hand. The same goes for the other two adults, when I open their cages as well. But even though all of their cages are open, none of them steps outside, they only poke out their noses. They are well trained after all.

All that is forgotten a moment later, when I purse my lips and whistle twice sharply. A second later, three rats have scrambled into my lap where I'm crouching and eagerly bump their heads into my free hand, completely ignoring the food I offer in my other hand. With a grin, I indulge them, laying a finger on each of their foreheads in turn and giving them a small chakra shock to the brain, like they are practically begging for. Then I pick each of them up again and set them back in their respective cages, leaving a clump of rice in each before closing the doors again.

Next are the two babies. I open their door and lift them up, out of their enclosure, before setting them on the ground of the alleyway and letting them run around as they please. They do run around back and forth for a bit, as curious youngsters of all species are wont to do when they feel safe. However, both of them never stray very far away from me, periodically coming back to me and every time they do, I reward them with a small stimulus. It's fun to play around with them like that. One might even say that the little animals are cute.

After a few minutes, I pick the two up after calling them back to me with a whistle. Instead of locking them back up, I let them out in the dumpster, so that they can eat whatever they want. It's not like they are hard to call back and unlike their older counterparts they actually act independently even when I'm around. The adults would just crowd around me, begging for that kick I can give them. It's a kind of annoying behaviour, but one I'm responsible for, since my first training attempts with the brain stimulation were, admittedly, more than a little heavy-handed. I'd reckon I did a much better job with the two baby females. It's amazing, really, how well they have learned for all of the week I've had them.

But, like said before, direct stimulation to the Nucleus Accumbens... it's like a cheat code to training animals. I have no idea how conditioning and training a being of higher intelligence than a street rat, like a summon or even a human, with this method would work out, but that's not something I can really test, so for now I'll keep to my rodents.

Once again I whistle, but this time to the iconic melody of Big Ben's chiming bells, giving the young rats enough time to dig themselves out of the garbage and return to where I'm holding my hand out for them. I grab the two and put them back in their cage. Then I think better of it and let them into one of the two bigger enclosures I haven't used since I had more rats than I knew what to do with. There are still blank bones and bits of rodent skeletons in the cage, but I doubt they will care since the smell of rotten corpses has mostly vanished by now.

I transfer their water dish into the bigger cage and let them be, thinking that they might enjoy the larger space. Then I wipe my hands on my pants, already starting to head out of the alley before pausing. I look at the now filthy bandages I have wrapped my left hand and forearm in and concede that I should change them before heading out. It's a good thing that I always keep an extra roll or ten sealed into the storage scroll I always carry with me.

It's quite handy to have all your supplies in a compact scroll instead of always lugging around a backpack or satchel. And much better than not carrying the extra supplies at all. Sure, a Genin that stays mostly in-village - _oh, who am I kidding? A Genin that_ always _stays in-village for missions_ \- doesn't precisely _need_ to have these supplies constantly with them, but it's handy and makes me feel like a real shinobi instead of a measly errand boy.

Dropping the soiled bandages gives me a good view on the slightly bumpy scars left by that one monitor's bite as well as the long summoning tattoo on the inside of my arm. I had decided to keep it covered for now, since I don't want to draw attention to the fact that I haven't really built a rapport with my summons yet. It would be embarrassing if someone were to realize that I had a contract and ask me to summon one of the monitor's for show, only for whoever I summon to be a prick and attack me or them or something. I want to figure out how to summon correctly before letting others know that I signed a contract.

And it's not like I would need to summon Komodo himself anytime soon anyway, which would be the only scenario in which the bandages covering my tattoo would ever be a hindrance. I'm not even sure I _could_ summon Komodo right now anyway, since simply reverse summoning myself took so much chakra and surely calling upon the boss summon would take a much higher toll than that.

 _I really need to start with the summoning training and figure out who I can summon and what they want in order to listen to me and how much chakra it will take._

And luckily that's something I can do right now, since I've got the day free. Tucking in the end of the bandage, I head out of he alleyway and towards the training grounds. I haven't seen Kakashi ever since the failed bell test and so the grounds by the memorial stone are as abandoned as ever. I won't say that it doesn't bother me when he's avoiding me like that, but it's been so long since the days where we would just stand and sit side-by-side and enjoy/tolerate each others company that his absence here doesn't hurt constantly anymore.

On one hand I can count all the times I've met Kakashi in the last three years. On one hand. And it's not like I don't regret not seeing him but at this point I've given up hope that he will ever really show any interest, that we will reclaim any kind of easy companionship. I tried showing him that I can do teamwork during the bell test, knowing that it is the one thing he values most in shinobi. But that wasn't enough. I couldn't get Kenchiki and Utamara to work with me in that short of a time frame.

Thinking back on it, I might have been able to build a rapport with them, come together to form an actual team, if we had had a teacher that gave us more time to get to know one another. But Kakashi didn't give us time. I'm pretty sure he didn't even want a team, going into the test with the outcome already decided. It would have needed a miracle of cohesive strategy and friendship and love or whatever for Kakashi to accept a team when he doesn't want one. It's not fair, because there was no way for us to live up to that when we weren't friends before graduation, when both of them disregarded me the way they did and behaved like the snotty teenage brats that they are.

 _Come to think of it, I can't think of any scenario where fresh Academy graduates that_ weren't _already good friends before graduation could pass the bell test right away. It's really just very unfair. But that's life, isn't it?_

And of course Kakashi wouldn't take me on as an apprentice, because he values teams and a team isn't one person. But what really guts me is the way Kakashi just casually denied me being his daughter. Sure, I've never told him that he's my dad, I've actively led him to believe that my father is dead and therefore I couldn't possibly be _his_ daughter, and it's probably never crossed his mind that he might be a father if he has forgotten the one night stand with that woman (which he must have if only because he must have been black-out drunk in the first place). But it hurts to hear him brushing off any relation he has to me and then disappear into the woodwork. It feels like he has cut all ties and some part of me that had been hoping is wounded by that, wounded deeply and hurting and I hate it, so I distract myself by angrily swiping a kunai over my palm and concentrating on that _fucking complicated summoning jutsu._

Just before slamming my palm into the ground, I think of Mushu, of the way he felt knotted up and held in the crook of my elbow like a hissing purse. It would be good if I could summon him and I hope that I have put enough chakra into the technique to cover the cost to summon that specific lizard.

The moment that the jutsu takes hold, the gathered chakra drains out of my hand and, like the first time I performed it, it takes hold of the dormant reserves and pulls on those to successfully complete the summoning. It takes a staggering amount of chakra, but finally the seal spreading over the ground comes to its edges and a large plume of smoke erupts. I stumble backwards out of the smoke, dizzy from the amount of energy the summoning took from me. Taking a moment to assess my reserves, I estimate that about a quarter of my overall stores are gone. _That's a lot. I wonder if it would be worth it during a fight._

Waiting for the smoke to clear, I wonder which monitor I have called upon. It would be nice if it was Mushu, because I already know him, but another monitor of his calibre would be okay as well. If I managed to summon one of the bigger ones, like the one that first attacked me, I might have a problem.

When a gust of wind finally disperses the slowly drifting chakra smoke, I breathe a sigh of relief. There, completely still, stands Mushu. It takes another moment for the lizard's slowly wandering gaze to catch onto me and he visibly relaxes, lowering his head to a more comfortable position. His long, forked tongue slides lazily from between his lips to taste the air before he turns to me.

"And here I was, thinking I had dodged being a summon", the monitor hisses, though he doesn't sound overly displeased. He seems pretty curious, actually, turning his head this way and that and tasting the air for all the different smells wafting around.

"What gave you that idea?", I ask, because I genuinely wonder. _Aren't all animals in a clan summons? They should, potentially, all be accessible if you've got a contract for the whole clan, which I have._

Mushu tilts his head slightly while looking up at me, before continuing to investigate his surroundings. "It took you long enough to call on me, so I thought some other lizard caught your attention." His tail twitches from one side to the other and he turns away, scanning the clearing behind him.

"Eh, I just had other stuff to do. Didn't really have time to-" I cut off with an involuntary hiss when my arm twinges in pain. Wide-eyed I look down on the bandaged appendage, for a moment forgetting why it is wrapped and trying to remember how I injured it. Then a sudden sting of pain jolts trough it again and this time it carries a feeling of anger and anticipation. I can almost hear that booming voice, that demands something from me.

It takes another moment for my confused mind to connect the dots. That has to be my summoning tattoo and Komodo reminding me of my due. The mental connection is a surprise and more than a little unsettling, but before he can send another ache through the tattoo I start channelling my chakra into the not-quite-pathways under the mark. As soon as I do, it's like my mind connects to something and I can feel a presence that isn't there.

 _Finally_.

The word comes like a distant echo in a deep voice, definitely not my own or any other I would imagine. It feels weird and foreign and for a moment I lose touch with reality, trying to figure out exactly where it came from. When I shake myself back into focus, I hurriedly cut the stream of chakra continually disappearing into the tattoo and need to take a deep breath when black wavers into my vision.

 _Okay, stay calm. That was super fucking weird, but stay calm._

My chakra reserves are well down to half by now, having spent way to much energy to channel the strange mental connection I had for a moment there.

 _I'll have to be more careful in the future._

Something flicks against my cheek then, jolting me from my introspective. Mushu is right in front of me, having stood up on his hind legs and balancing against my hip to look up into my face. And, evidently, to smell me.

"Oi, what do you think you're doing?", I demand, taking hold of his clawed feet and pushing him back. Mushu hisses inarticulately and falls back onto all four.

"What was that?", he asks, "You stopped responding. If I were any bigger, I'd have eaten you."

I raise an eyebrow at that. "No, you wouldn't have."

"Sure, I would have", he hisses, sounding almost petulant. I smirk.

"Well, if you don't threaten to eat me in the future, you can be my summons."

He narrows his eyes. "And why would I want that?"

"If you are my summons, I'll feed you every time I summon you", I offer and he takes a moment to mull over that.

"What do I have to do when you summon me?"

"I have to know what you _can_ do before I decide that." A moment of silence passes before I elaborate. "And once we've established that, we will have to train together so that we'll make an effective team for whatever I decide on."

Once again, Mushu tilts his head slightly while looking up at me. "Sure, as long as I get some food out of it, I'll work with you."

With a grin I crouch down before him, so that we are more on eye level. "Nice! Just remember, it's in your best interest if I stay in good health so that I can summon you in the future."

"Sure", he agrees easily, having made up his mind.

We spend the next two hours hashing out Mushu's strengths and weaknesses. Unsurprisingly, he has a far superior sense of smell compared to me and a far inferior eyesight, which I already knew. He can make dashes so fast that they'd be invisible to the naked eye, but when pitched against me, that's barely faster than my natural speed without chakra enhancement and he tires incredibly quickly.

In lieu of attacks, Mushu can bludgeon anybody with his whipping tail swings. To demonstrate that he deliberately clips me in the side with the hardened tip and it hurts like a bitch, simultaneously winding me and throwing me off balance. Additionally, Mushu's bite is pretty vicious. To discover that I had to hunt down a squirrel and make him rip into it without instantly gobbling it up, which was way more of a chore than I had planned. However, it turns out that his teeth, though not quite as large and serrated as those of his cousin that bit me, are enough to open gaping wounds.

He also informs me, that his bite is venomous, if very weakly, and the injuries it causes will clot much slower and therefore bleed much longer than usual. And I can definitely see the use of hat in a fight. If Mushu somehow manages to injure an opponent, I'd only have to wait for them to get weaker and weaker until I can overpower them easily. However, it might not be that much of an advantage, considering that most shinobi continue to fight tooth and nail until they pass out from their injuries. An elite shinobi will still be dangerous when they're about to keel over.

Other than that, Mushu can be quiet, keep perfectly still to blend into his surroundings, move through grasses and over dirt almost silently but he draws a line through sand and dust with the tail he doesn't bother to lift.

"I'm not some sort of mammal", he snorts, clearly annoyed by me pointing out his obvious trail, "Monitors don't lift their tails in the air to prance around like some peacock."

"Y'know, that that's so obvious a track to see, but even with a measly human nose, I know that it's probably also a pretty obvious scent track."

The monitor hisses at me, opening his mouth and showing those deadly teeth inside. It's a lizard's version of a snarl. I hide the fact that it's a pretty effective threatening move, especially when I've already experienced how a bite like that can hurt. "I can mask my scent well enough", Mushu claims and stares at me challengingly.

"Sure", I shrug, willing to let it go fir the moment. "How is your chakra manipulation?"

"I showed you already", the lizard tilts its head, "We use chakra to smell better or to hide our smell, and to make us faster. The swimmers use it to breathe underwater, I think, or maybe just to hold their breath longer, I don't know."

I make note of that last one, because _who doesn't want a technique to breathe underwater?_ And that anti-scent-tracking sounds useful as well. However, with the way that Mushu spoke, it seems like that's about the range of uses the monitors have for chakra and for a whole clan that's pretty meagre.

"Don't you have any jutsu?", I ask, somewhat hopeful to maybe get a better answer out of my summons, but he just tilts his head to the other side, not breaking eye contact.

"Nothing like you puny humans use them. We have no need to show off like that." Imperiously, Mushu lifts his chin and chests up. "Our bodies are our weapons and chakra is only a tool to make those weapons stronger."

I mull that over for a moment. _So they only use chakra internally? Like body enhancements?_

"But don't you use chakra to climb stuff? How else did you get up that rock? It was too smooth to climb without chakra."

 _Then again, all the big lizards_ weren't _able to climb the stone spire I hid on when I first visited the summoning realm. Otherwise they'd have killed and eaten me when I was out. It would make sense if they aren't familiar with the tree walking technique._

"Yeah, we do."

Furrowing my brow, I eye the summon. It doesn't really make sense for him to know but the bigger and older members of his clan to be unaware. "Show me", I demand and indicate one of the larger trees surrounding the clearing. With an unimpressed look, Mushu walks over to the trunk, me following him closely.

The lizard approaches the tree and hefts itself up on its hind legs, laying its front feet against the bark of the trunk. Then he begins to pull himself up the vertical surface, his claws digging into the tree like it's nothing and his muscles bulging under the strain lifting his weight off the ground puts on them. Finally, he reaches the lowest branch and crawls on top of it, his tail hanging off the side like dead weight.

Stepping up to the poor mishandled tree, I inspect the deep furrows and claw marks Mushu has left behind, that are slowly bleeding resin. When I look up to meet Mushu's eye, I raise an unimpressed eyebrow. "Very subtle", I comment and receive an annoyed hiss in response, "I presume that you used chakra to strengthen your claws and maybe sharpen them as well?"

"Yes."

"You could just use chakra to stick to the tree itself, y'know?" Deliberately slowly, I place a foot against the bark and then step onto the side of the tree, calmly walking up to the branch Mushu lounges on and stick to the underside of said branch until I'm directly below him. It takes barely any thought to manipulate my chakra that way, and really, after so many years of fine-tuning and experimenting with my chakra control, that is hardly a surprise for me. Evidently it is for Mushu though, because he stares wide-eyed at me from around the tree's appendage.

"How does that work?", he asks befuddled, and then eagerly, "Will you show me?"

"Sure, I will. I have to train my partner, don't I?" I grin at Mushu's enthusiasm. It seems that this might be the start of a beautiful friendship. Or partnership, really, since Mushu has made it abundantly clear from the beginning that he and his clan find human emotions and ideas of morality idiotic and beneath him. Not that I particularly mind, they will mostly just be useful to me for whatever I need them for and then I can send them back to the summons' realm. No need for complex emotions.

Working with Mushu turns out to be quite a lot of fun, even if he gets progressively more annoyed and frustrated until he has enough and cuts his connection to me in order to unsummon himself and sulk in his home.

 **-o-**

It's late by the time I head back from the training grounds and I'm rightfully exhausted. Maintaining a link to keep you summons on the human realm apparently leeches off your chakra and like most continuous drains, it prevents your body to really produce any new. Which means that I'm, once again, back down to dangerously low chakra levels. It's not a novelty, not when I routinely empty my reserves to get a good night's sleep, but the feeling of chakra exhaustion will never get any more comfortable, a fact ensured by the body's instinctual pursuit of survival.

I won't be able to call on Mushu again, probably for a few days, but then again, I have other things to do, now that I can check 'contacting my summons' off the list. Like getting my own place to live. Going over the list of places Kyoya recommended I look at in my head, I push the possibility of the barracks to the back, because I'd really just prefer a small flat of my own and with the money I've saved as well as my income from missions, I should well be able to afford it.

Yawning, I rub my cheek where Mushu had managed to smack me with his tail during a mock ambush I set him to. Turns out that it will take a lot more exercise until he can skilfully take down a target from a tree. On the ground he's a pretty good ambush hunter, but even if he _can_ climb, it's obvious he's never hunted in the treetops before. But if he's to work with me, he'll have to be able to move swiftly through Konoha's forests.

The streets are bustling with the late crowd, people doing some last minute shopping before the stores close or on their way to a restaurant or bar for a night out. It's a rather jovial atmosphere, which is why it surprises me to see such a thunderous scowl through the traffic. With a smirk I slink up to the person in a bad mood, the way his eyes slide towards me being the only indication that he's noticed me.

"Why so glum?", I ask and he sighs deeply, before his expressions evens out a little.

"My team's been tracking this damned cat for half the day and it has slipped through our fingers about forty times by now."

Holding back a snort of laughter, I try to be emphatic to his plight. It would probably help if he would stop looking like the world has conspired against him. The Catching Tora D-rank mission is infamous for a reason, many fresh Genin complaining that the cat _has_ to be a ninneko for it to be this capable of escaping and evading them. I've heard that the only way to catch it is to get it out of the city where it can easily slip through nooks and cracks that humans can't follow. Meaning that his team is obviously pursuing the wrong strategy if they're still in the middle of Konoha's commercial district.

Not that I'll tell him that, _wouldn't do to spoil the fun, now would it_? And maybe there's some vindictive pleasure in knowing the other graduates struggle with this. Since as a well-paying mission commissioned by an important client it's usually snatched up by Jounin for their Genin teams and even if there aren't any Genin teams, the D-rank is always picked up by one Chuunin or another.

"Why not catch it in your shadow?"

"Already did that", he grumbles, "It escaped after Akinari picked it up and now it knows to avoid the shadows."

Now a snicker does escape me, earning a glower from the moody teenager. "Come on, _Ben Ten_ , it can't be that hard to catch a cat."

"I'd like to see you try", he grumbles, peeved. I snicker again before silencing myself.

"I could help you, if you want?", I offer, earning another sigh from my friend.

"Sure. Why not? Then we could finally go home."

"Eh, don't worry. We'll have this in no time." Bumping my shoulder against his earns a slight upward tilt to his lips, which I'll count as an improvement. "So, what's the situation?"

"Cat's been running around peoples legs and hiding in the crowd for the past ten minutes. Sensei ordered us not to make a commotion and not to disturb the civilians, so we have to wait it out. Michiru is following it through the crowd but can't get close enough to grab it."

"Ooh, smart kitty."

Benjiro scoffs but doesn't refute the statement.

"Well, I'll just go and fetch the cat, then. It's obviously focused on you guys so it shouldn't suspect me of anything 'til I grab it."

The Nara shrugs but gives the go ahead anyway, watching me as I weave back into the crowd of people. A few minutes later, I spot his Akimichi teammate sidestepping through the stream of people, trying to be inconspicuous and failing hilariously. It's less her size, like some bullies would be quick to point out, and more her awkward behaviour and the way she way too obviously searches the ground for the runaway cat.

I pass her by without her so much as recognizing my presence. A moment later, I see a tail wave after an inconspicuous brown striped cat. That has to be the one. Walking mostly straight and keeping my gaze wandering like I normally would, I keep the feline in my peripherals as I advance. It turns around once and suspiciously looks around but doesn't bolt.

When I'm close enough, I scoop down and catch the cat before it can jump away. Immediately the thing starts screeching like a hell demon and scratching at my hand and hip and everything it can reach from where I have tucked it securely into the crook of my arm. People around me jump away, startled, but calm down when they see the cat, a few even laughing at the demon in kitten form.

Yes, Tora is infamous for its exploits even in the civilian populace.

However, I don't fancy getting all scratched up, so I lay my free hand on top of the spitting cat's head and guide a tendril of chakra into its pathways at the base of the neck before trailing back upwards to the brain.

 _Wow, this cat really is ... almost a ninneko. These pathways are a tad larger than I'd expected_ , I wonder distractedly as I pick my way back to where Benjiro is.

The brain of a cat is quite different from that of a rat, but luckily enough, what I'm looking for is such an old structure (from an evolutionary standpoint) that it's easy enough to find. Mellowing my chakra out even further, I release it into the brain matter before giving the most miniscule of twists. Then I retreat the tendril from the brain of the cat before letting go of it, allowing the rest of the chakra to dissipate inside the cat's body to no ill effect.

I reach the point where Benjiro is still waiting to find that his team has gathered around him. The Genin are all staring at me in open-mouthed astonishment, even my Nara friend, which is absolutely hilarious. Their Sensei, the beautiful Yamanaka kunoichi, wears a blank expression but it feels like she's suspicious, however, I have no idea where I get that feeling from. Not that it doesn't make sense for her to be suspicious, but still.

"Here you go!" I pass the mellow cat over into Benjiro's slack arms, grinning at the utter amazement directed my way. "No need to thank me", I posture, inspecting my nails in an arrogant manner, "I know, I'm just that awesome."

"Wha- How?"

"It was just stunned by my skill and beauty, such as you yourself seem to be."

At that the Yamanaka snorts, choking on surprised laughter and breaking the spell that held Benjiro. The boy shakes his head and looks back at me with a more natural, droopy-eyed gaze. The sheer contrast to how he looked at me just a second ago to now makes me giggle like the little girl I am.

"So, are you gonna bring the cat to the Hokage tower now?"

"Ah, yes. Yes, we will", he replies, clearing his throat in what might have been embarrassment, "Thank you for your assistance."

I snort and wave it away, before a yawn breaks through my act and I remember how bone tired I am. "Well, I gotta go now. Have a nice evening."

Nodding toward Benjiro's teammates, I turn to leave.

"Hey, wait a second!"

I look over my shoulder to see Benjiro pawning off the cat to the Akimichi and taking a few steps towards me. "Yes?", I ask.

"Do you want to meet tomorrow? My team has a free day and I thought we could train together", he offers before grimacing, "Or maybe do something else, I think I've had enough of training since graduation."

I snicker. "Sure, we don't have to go training." Then I think about what I had planned for tomorrow. "I kinda wanted to look for an apartment, do you want to help me pick?"

Benjiro blinks once, twice, before nodding. "Yeah, sure, I can do that. Want to meet at the dango shop at noon?"

"Pfft, want to sleep in, do ya? Sounds good, though," I nod, "See you tomorrow!"

"Yeah, see you!"

With that we separate and I head to the Uchiha compound, wanting to nothing more than to get comfortable and rest my aching body. The way my reserves are wavering at the edge of depletion tells me that I will sleep like a stone and I wouldn't have it any other way.

 **-Omake-**

"Brat, you can't keep denying that the pup is yours!"

 _Sure, I can_. Not wanting to engage his summon in yet another argument about the girl, Kakashi keeps quiet and flips a page in the book. Pakkun growls, clearly annoyed, but he has been doing that for weeks now, whenever they aren't on a mission, so it's easy to ignore him.

"You are a sad excuse for a father if you can't even own up to your pup."

"I don't mind", Kakashi replies idly, before he remembers his decision not to get dragged into a fight. _Oh well._ "I'm not a father anyway, so it doesn't matter if I'd be a good or bad one." Nonchalantly, he turns another page without really having read anything.

Deep down, Kakashi knows that he would be a bad father. Everybody around him died and even before... Even before Kannabi bridge, he had been a bad team mate and a brat towards everybody he loved. How often had he insulted Obito? How often had he ignored Rin's affections and disobeyed Minato-sensei? How often had he seen that sad expression on Kushina-nee's face when he pulled back from her?

"Oi! Are you even listening, brat?" Pakkun's voice pulls him back to the present and he flips another page, blankly staring at the script in front of him. There's the picture of a beautiful half-dressed lady on the left page, but it barely registers. He sighs.

One of his other dogs is begging for affection with that whining, puppy-eyed look that only dogs can ever truly master. Obligingly, Kakashi lifts his book and lets Bisuke jump up on his lap. Then he turns another page, he has no desire to stare at those exposed breasts any more, not with the subject matter as it is.

Bisuke shifts on his lap and sticks his nose up between Kakashi's chest and the book. For a moment, he is annoyed. Annoyed at his pack's persistence, annoyed that he can't have one minute of down time without them pestering him. Annoyed that the have all banded together against him. So much for being pack leader.

He could just send the lot of them back to the summons' realm, but that would be cruel. They don't mean any harm, even if they're constantly pestering him.

With another deep sigh, Kakashi puts away the book and loons down into the big sleepy eyes of his ninken. Bisuke lets out a low whine.

"What?"

"Don't you trust me?"

Unimpressed, he raises an eyebrow. Kakashi knows exactly that they are trying to guilt trip him into admitting that he either doesn't trust them to be honest or that he does trust them and Hikari being his daughter. Which she is not. Can't be.

"The girl is not my daughter," he reiterates for the thousandth time and, like all the other times before, the pack ignores his protest.

"Her signature is so similar to yours", Bisuke continues to whine.

Having enough of the act, Kakashi shoves the dog off his lap and crosses his arms sternly. Guruko immediately takes the opportunity to hop up on his lap and lazily grin at his brother who's picking himself up off the ground.

"The similarities in chakra signature between parent and child aren't that huge, so you claiming that hers is obviously similar to mine undermines your point."

Guruko on his lap snorts but doesn't bother to voice his objection to Kakashi's statement. Instead, he gets comfortable snuggling into his master's legs. There is a reason that Kakashi keeps this one around and that reason is that Guruko is the most laid-back of all his dogs and the whole pack could do with a calm influence.

"It's not just the chakra, brat, she smells like you as well. And don't give me any of that "My smell rubbed off on her" crap! I know what I smelled!" And there he goes again, arguing the same point he has for the last two months. It's tiring.

"You smelled her _once_ , Pakkun. That means nothing."

"Oi, don't you get mouthy with me, brat. The nose knows!"

Now it's Kakashi's turn to snort and roll his eyes. Pakkun is his best tracker, better than any of the Inuzuka's ninken, one could argue (and he does, frequently, because it's always fun to rile that clan up), but apparently that stellar track record got to his head and now he thinks that Kakashi will just accept any ridiculous claim he makes. And it is ridiculous.

"You're just afraid to admit having family", Pakkun accuses and Kakashi stiffens, "You'd rather hide than let someone close enough to hurt you!"

"I think I would remember fucking someone, Pakkun!", he snaps, voice venomous, "Especially if it were the first time! And I don't remember anything of the sort, I have never met Hikari's mother before, wouldn't even know how she looks like if I hadn't seen the girl's file! So don't tell me I have a child with someone I've never even met before!"

Kakashi needs a moment to catch his breath from this exclamation. It's all true, he can't recall ever seeing her mother's face in person, and his near perfect memory is something he prides himself on. It's the one thing that made him a prodigy before he received the Sharingan from Obito. And Obito's eye lets him memorize everything he sees in much greater detail than before. Kakashi tries to keep it closed when he caves to his urges and engages in casual sex, but even so he remembers every person that he ever fucked and her mother is not one of those! Why can't the dogs just accept that?! Why can't they just trust him not to be stupid enough to knock up someone?! It's ridiculous! He'd never allow that!

His words are followed by ringing silence, Pakkun and Bisuke stunned speechless and the rest of the pack cowering in submissive positions. He hates it. He hates having lost his temper, that they feel the need to reassure him of his dominance over them. He doesn't want to dominate them, they're his pack.

With a deep sigh, Kakashi unfolds his arms and forcibly relaxes his position. Absently he pets Guruko, who locks his hand in return. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell."

At that, the pack closes in until he's all but buried under the whining dogs, apologizing for not believing his protests. About an hour later he has to struggle out of the dog pile in order to prepare lunch. The ninken trail along in his wake to the kitchen, but they keep out of his way instead of obstructing his way as to make him trip like they usually would.

Not all of them fit into the small space, but one of them is Akino, who sits in the corner and watches him intently. Kakashi wants to ask what he's thinking about, but he's long since learned to just let Akino finish cooking up his plans and theories before sharing them, so he keeps cooking and only occasionally spares a look at the sunglasses wearing dog.

Lunch comes and goes, the dogs all digging into the food he'd freshly made them as an apology, but it takes another hour for Akino to speak up.

"What if," the dog says carefully, his voice as hoarse and unpractised as ever, "What if, possibly, Hikari's mother isn't her mother?"

Kakashi groans. They would rather belief that Hikari's _known_ parent isn't a parent than to admit that he doesn't have a daughter? How ludicrous.

"What if she is adopted?", Akino poses, doggy brows furrowed in thought, "That way it would make sense for you not to remember her."

"It still doesn't add up, Hikari is too old for any _impossible_ ", he stresses, "accidents to have happened."

"We could at least look into it?", suggests Uhei timidly, not willing to meet Kakashi's eye.

"Would it make you finally shut up about this?" His enquiry is only met with silence, not one dog willing to let the matter drop one way or another. Dragging a hand over his face, he sighs again. "Fine, but you'll have to make do with just her scent. I don't want to be summoned to the Hokage for harassing civilians."

That concession draws a round of happy and excited barks and he is suddenly surrounded by grinning dogs with wagging tails. He gets to his feet before he can be buried under yet another dogpile and not for the first time, he questions his own sanity for training _eight_ ninken to be in his pack.

Thankfully once they get outside, the dogs remember said training and fall back into the attitude of serious nin animals. It makes it that much easier to hop over the rooftops of Konoha without drawing too much attention. Soon enough, they reach the roof of the correct apartment building and Kakashi leads his pack down the side to the correct window.

As he had suspected, Hikari's mother isn't home and the window is still not secured, so he opens it and lets his dogs jump inside. The small apartment is immediately crowded with the amount of large canines moving about. If they were normal dogs, Kakashi would be worried about them making a mess or leaving traces of their presence, but he trained them well and when they're gone, there won't even be a scratch on the old floorboards.

About ten seconds after he has slipped inside and closed the window, Kakashi realizes that the ninken are not actually moving around. It's like they are all frozen, with their noses on the ground or against one the little furniture there is.

"So?", he asks. He knows they'll be able to smell that Hikari has lived here at some point. The aroma should still be sticking around, even if he himself can't quite detect it anymore.

Pakkun is the first that moves again. Wordlessly, he moves from where he had been standing by the crib to the mother's futon and sniffs at it. "The pup is hers alright", he finally says.

"See? So she-"

Uncharacteristically, Pakkun interrupts him. "She's yours, too. Both you and the woman that lives here are her...", he trails off and narrows his eyes, "...parents."

At that word half of he pack starts to growl.

"Some kind of parent that is!", snarls Urushi. The others agree, except for Uhei, who looks mainly uncomfortable. Whatever they picked up on must be some kind of very old smell and the sighthound hasn't picked up on it.

"What's going on?", Kakashi asks. It's Bull who answers, his full deep voice reverberating in the still air of the room.

"There is blood in he floorboards."

Kakashi blinks. "In the floorboards?", he questions, taking a closer look around the apartment. There are no signs of a fight taking place here. There are some dents in the wooden fixtures and the floor could really use a make-over, but there are no gouges from kunai or shuriken, no water damages or craters or charred spots from any kind of jutsu. There is no obvious reason for the floor to be smelling of blood. Maybe there had been an accident?

"Maybe the woman cut herself while cooking?" It sounds menial and stupid, but why else would a civilian bleed heavily enough for it to sink into the floorboards?

Again there is a round of growls from the assembled dogs.

"I don't think that's it", Uhei states unnecessarily, dancing around nervously from the omnipresent aggression in his packmates.

"Damn right it isn't!", snaps Urushi before digging his claws into the wooden floor and scratching away at it. Kakashi furrows his brow at the dog. Urushi is easy to anger, but he usually handles it better. But all of their behaviour is highly unusual. The shaking Guruko, the serious set to Bisuke's eyes, Akino's fur standing on end, Shiba being almost as fidgety as Uhei usually is. Bull and Pakkun being so severe and deadly serious.

"It's not just blood, Kakashi", Pakkun elaborates slowly. The shinobi's gaze snaps to the pug. It takes a lot for his oldest partner not to call him a brat and if he hadn't thought them to be serious before, he sure as hell would now.

"It's fear and weakness", the pug sniffs around the floor between the door, moving around the still furiously scratching Urushi. Then he looks up and holds Kakashi's gaze. "The pup has been beaten by the woman."

His chest fills with dread at the statement. Raising your hand against your child is depraved, but not all that uncommon, even in Konoha. Especially for civilians.

Kakashi lets his gaze wander over his ninken, all with their noses to the ground and utterly furious. Dogs don't attack their pups. It's amoral, it's wrong, pups have to be raised and nurtured by their pack. His pack is taking this personally. In their mind Hikari belongs to them and in this moment, Kakashi finds it hard to disagree with them. Then he realizes something that makes his stomach sink even lower. His pack, scattered around the room, all having recognized the same smell. Different spots...

"When?" His voice comes out weakly. Shouldn't he have noticed?

"More than once", confirms Pakkun in that grave tone, coming to stand beside Urushi, who steps aside and lets the pug sniff at whatever made him so angry. The small dog shudders with a low growl that is once again echoed by the dogs around the room. "For years. Pup lost her first teeth to it."

Kami! How could such a thing go unnoticed?! How could _he_ not have noticed?!

"Ho- How much?"

"She almost died, Kakashi. The woman almost killed your pup", growls Pakkun, advancing toward Kakashi angrily, "The woman _starved her_ , Kakashi! She _feared for her life_!"

At those words, every last of his dogs loses their grip, growling and snarling, before they proceed to rip apart everything they can find.

It starts with Bull, who dismantles the crib, that seems to be the worst offender. He is joined by Shiba and Guruko, while Bisuke and Akino rip into the futon, joined shortly by Uhei and his righteous fury, now that he as well understands the magnitude lf the offence. Urushi is tearing up the floorboards with claws and teeth now, liberally using his training to lay waste to the structure. Pakkun has set upon the seating cushions himself and Kakashi can only stand in the middle of the mayhem and feel sick.

He doesn't try to stop them, doesn't want to either. What else could they do than to take revenge on those that hurt one of their own? If they weren't in Konoha, he'd gladly hunt down the perpetrator and let the pack rip them apart. But he is in Konoha and the perpetrator, Hikari's... mother, is a Konoha citizen. He cannot attack a Konoha citizen. He is a Leaf shinobi, he can't openly take revenge.

But this he can grant them.

Absently he picks up a cushion by the corner and tugs on it as Pakkun does the same. Numbly he watches the seams tear and the thin cloth rip apart and the knotted wool inside spill out.

No, he won't keep them from venting their anger.

That woman deserves much more than just that.

 **o-O-o**

 **Hikari's behaviour and motivation**

 _Warning: this rant might contain mild spoilers, since it goes into detail about Hikari's character and personality._

So, Hikari. I won't lie, this has been triggered by the comments of **_Blaise Welshman_** , so don't be surprised if some of this is oddly specific. I'll just put these in bulletins and if you have any further questions you can post them in the review section.

1\. **Hikari is a victim of domestic abuse** She has horrible social skills, not just from her previous life, but also from what she went through thanks to her mother. When you look at her, you can't forget that she spent the first three years of her life cooped up inside and almost never getting out of the apartment. The only reason she doesn't have weak bones due to vitmine D deficiency is that she sat in frontnof the window to get enough sunshine. Then she spent another year _barely ever_ getting to go outside. She was abused, both verbally and physically, and abandoned.

And yes, she had the mind of an adult, she knew that life _can_ be nice, that there is the possibility of happiness, she knew that it is wrong for her mother to beat her, morally wrong. But she has seen so very little about how _Konoha_ views this subject. She has been dropped into an entirely new and different status quo, where it is okay to train child soldiers, where hiring assassins to get rid of your enemies is just the socially accepted way of handling things. She had no idea if child abuse is illegal or not. She had no idea what would happen if she opened up about it to anybody. She asked at the orphanage if they also take children that can't live with their parents and got told in no uncertain terms that if there is _any_ living relative within the Land of Fire, they don't take the child.

2\. **Hikari associates people paying attention with pain**. Not only because any attention she got from her mother was usually bad attention, but also because of Kosaku-sensei and his fuck-ups. When she first started at the Academy, Hikari poured her allninto taijutsu class because it was one of the few things that she was good at and was easily improving in. That led to her being literally the only one left standing after all her classmates have already given up or collapsed. It was the one thing she openly excelled at and it got Kosaku-sensei's attention. But having that attention led to the worst hiding to date. Then, at the end of the year, when she finally learned to read and suddenly excelled in written topics, he accused her of cheating and publicly humiliated her when she was already down about Kakashi abandoning her as soon as she demanded attention from him. So when she managed to heal herself, she was still wary of letting anyone catch on to what she had accomplished.

Then, with Itachi's situation dragging up the problem of Root, she wanted to keep her head down even more. (And if she had been drawn into it, she'd have brought Itachi's scroll to the Hokage immediately. It is her safety net in that regard, which is exactly why Itachi left it there for her: As a warning and as a way to blow the whistle even if she were already sealed.) Now, the fact that she is out of reach for her mother and the fact that Eichi-sensei supported her to be the best she can be, this is a little mitigated. But at the same time, whenever she was good at something in the Academy and drew the attention of her classmates, it usually didn't end nice.

3\. **Hikari is based on my own experiences and personality**. Which, duh, is obvious, this is a Self Insert after all. And I have tried to be honest about myself. So Hikari is base-introverted, likes animals (hehe) and is hard to anger. Yes, there are people that don't get angry and that don't react with violence, even if they are angry. I can remember exactly two times in which I have gotten so angry that I acrually reacted with physical violence, and both of those were between the ages of 11 and 15 when I was in the hormonal throes of puberty and less in control of myself. Since finally being an adult, I have once gotten angry enough to be truly vicious with my words and actions and I regret being such an ass deeply. So no, Hikari doesn't solve her problems with violence. She might get angry, but because she doesn't act on the anger it will often switch into sadness, which is much more passive.

And here comes my possibly worst personal flaw that I have also given Hikari: I don't deal with my problems. I usually ignore and repress them until they come crashing down on me. In the mean time, I fool myself into thinking everything is fine and all is handy dandy. Hikari has not broken that habit yet. She'll continue carrying on despite everything just to not have to deal with it. But she will break that habit, that's something I am willing to spoil for you, because it's not sustainable.

To top it all off, my personal philosophy mostly resembles existential nihilism. To those keen-eyed philosophers out there, that fact might have shone through in chapter 6 when Hikari talked to Itachi about the meaning of life. I won't go into detail about what existential nihilism is, because you've got Google for that and I don't want to drag any of you down with me, but it makes it very easy to not give a fuck about anything. (Which is unhealthy)

 **So yeah** , there you have it. Everything you never really wanted to know but got anyway. Feel free to tell me if this was too much or if you have any other questions you want me to go into _way_ too much detail about.


	18. A day with Benjiro

AN: Moi moi, dear readers. Peruna here. So, once again, a whole month of wait, but here we are. But honestly, my darling readers, that is not a lot of time for chapters this long. I myself don't consider it a long time when waiting for my own favourites to update. So don't go making any predictions about how I will certainly abandon this story sooner or later.

Just so that you have a reference point: I spent almost ten hours yesterday on this chapter and that's just because I managed to power through and make it one writing session. And that was only to _finish the second half of the chapter_. I don't have the time or energy to make these overly long writing sessions all the time, but I also get much less done if I only write snippets here and there. _That_ is the main reason why I took a little more time with the last chapters. The only reason I even apologized for the it at all is that my early readers will remember cranking this stuff out three chapters a week. That was fun, full of excitement and exuberance on my part, but it was also extremely exhausting. Which is why I slowed down. No other reason, so calm down. If I ever do decide to take a hiatus or, heaven forbid, abandon this story, I will let you know.

That said, your reviews and a little plotting help provided by **_TheCauldr_** ** _on_** are quite possibly the reason that i'm still going strong on this project. Therefore, I'll give another shoutout to the one and only **_TheCauldron_**. She's amazing and a real help with horrible issues like giving these children realistic heights in this chapter. That's the stuff that keeps me awake at night... Anyway, go read her stuff! She's a very good author.

Onto community service! Thank you so much to all my lovely reviewers! You people make my day, scrolling through your comments makes me just so happy. You are wonderful! Thanks to your support, I felt good enough to broach the subject with my family and I'm feeling that much better now. I'm lucky to have such kind people as readers.

 _One thing up front:_ The reason that I answer selected reviews in my AN's is because it gives me a platform to interact with my Guest reviewers and drop hints for those bored enough to go look for them. Like how I already confirmed a pairing that will feature in this fanfiction (have fun looking :P). Also, the community service is at the beginning of the chapter because it makes chonological sense and doesn't undermine any cliffhangers I might want to write. The start of the chapter is clearly marked, so whoever isn't interested can skip it easily, and I write my chapters before the notes, so it's not like I'm padding my word count or nothing. All this is purely extra.

Also, for one last time, a reply to **_Blaise Welshman_** : Yes, have some empathy. I do not agree with your disdain of broken indiviuals and the utter contempt for the weak or those who do not live up to your archetype of humanity. The claim that "Broken housewives can only rarely gain back their spine that was ripped out by their loved one" is not one I can support. Have you ever met and talked with someone that got out of an abusive relationship? If so, how can you dehuminize them so? Either way, whether you have empathy or not, I do not think it is a correct observation, if only because of the large numbers of women that suffer through such ordeals. If each and every one of them really did never become independant again, the world would be a much different place. According to the _"National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey"_ s 2010 summary report the _Lifetime_ [...] _Prevalence of Rape, Physical Violence, and/or Stalking Victimization_ _by an Intimate Partner"_ for U.S. women to be 35.6%. Of course this report is rather old already, but that's why I used the _lifetime prevalence_ statistic. Over a third of the interviewed women were abused and/or stalked by intimate partners at one point in their life. Please don't judge such a large number of people lightly. If you want to continue this discourse, I'd be willing to do so via PM. Otherwise, please refrain from commenting if you do not intend to give feedback on the story itself. I have understood your point about Hikari being a broken character and your critique of every other character in the story being one-dimensional. The latter having been intended by me because I was trying to truly bring across the first person PoV. I _could_ write this story from another character's perspective because in my mind they have reasons for their actions. The only PoV changes I _will_ write are story-relevant ones or Omakes. Thank you for your reviews. While I do not agree with them at all, they showed me a different perspective and inspired a bout of self-critical ruminations. I can't say that I will change much though, because this is a hobby, a project where I will test and try story and writing ideas that I please to.

Now back to the regularly scheduled program. Because so many of you asked this, I'll reiterate: **All Omakes are cannon unless marked otherwise.** I know that's what all of you wamt to hear =)

To **_mk0008_** : Will happen. I've already had one such scene planned, but maybe I'll put in one sooner than that, just for you ;)

To **_WesternBird_** : Well, you'll be happy to get a little bit more screen time with Benjiro in this chapter, eh? Though sadly that means that the next episode of _Hatake Kakashi: Dad in Denial (With Dogs)_ is being pushed.

To **_sarahmchugs_** : I'm afraid that any public displays of awesomeness will have to wait a while, but in the meantime have some fun with individual characters being awed.

To **_xxamayanightrainxx_** : Thank you. To be honest Doug Rattmann was in part a device to get Hikari back into research, but he will have some more appearances in the future as well as being the bane in Hikari's existance as a SCIENCE!ist, naturally. Just like his namesakes ;)

To **_iluvfairytale_** : Yeah, I see how that Omake might have been a bit of a downer, but it kinda got away with me. It was actually some 3k words long as well, much longer than I planned for, really. But this chapter is happier, I promise!

To **_child-of-paradox-and-chaos_** (what a Metal name!): Come here then, my beloved twin and let me tell you of _A Bearable Fate_...

To **_ShotoGun_** : Nope :)

To **_SamsaraMorningstar_** : Of course you are human, as human as all of us (unless you're a bot, but somehow I doubt that ;D). Thank you for sharing, it makes me incredibly happy that you can identify with Hikari, because I put a lot of work into figuring out how to make her reactions plausible.

To **_4everfictional_** : Good point! It's a mix of reasons, really, but chakra is a large factor. The reason that Pakkun is able to discern emotions like fear and pain I could easily explain with the nebulous term of 'pheromones' but is more to do with the kind of sweat your body produces. Also, there are such things service dogs for diabetics that can smell when their owner's sugar level is out of balance, and also dogs that sniff out cancer patients, so I thinks it's safe to assume such things as starvation or weakness could also be smelled. Why they can still smell it so long after the fact is for one charka, of course, and also the fact that the floorboards are in very bad shape, so that blood and other things get stuck in the cracks. Urushi actually found a piece of tooth lodged in there. The crib hasn't been used since Hikari left, so her smell is still all over it, if old.

To **_Sam est classe_** : Well spotted! Yes Konoha will have Chuunin Exams soon, since I'll go with _SilverQueen_ 's concept of "every three years they come back to Konoha". Whether or not Hikari will take part remains to be seen ;) I personally use omakes more as an "end credit scene", Marvel-style. They are cannon but not really part of the main story of the chapters.

To **_animelover0115_** : Why, thank you for the high praise :) I do try to put some "realism" into this fanfiction and to maybe tickle out some feels from the readers, so hearing that I'm managing to do that always makes me happy.

To **_Ardishana_** : Thank you for getting it. The whole "as a reborn adult you know how to escape child abuse" always rubbed me the wrong way, since with a world so different than you're used to, you can't immediately be sure what the underlying morals, traditions and priorities are. I also appreciate you mentioning Hikari seeking comfort with the dead over the living.

To _WeiWuxianBae_ : Welcome to the spotlight then, my dear lurker. Isn't it beautiful? Anyway, I wouldn't say, you're projecting. One of the reasons Kakashi never cottoned on to Hikari's shitty home life was because he was too busy wallowing in misery to really pay attention to other people outside of the "Will they stab me in the next ten minutes?" variety. And it can me hard to be mindful of those around you if you're in a bad place. Don't beat yourself up too much about past mistakes though, or else you'll end up like Kakashi ;) ...Not that that's really much of a deterrent. Kakashi is a cool cat. Benjiro has his suspicions but never asked Hikari about them because she always shut him down if the topic was approached.

To **_Yankey_** : Hah, Mushu is not helpless! Granted, he's not quite prepared to go up against a Jounin or anything, but just because the monitors don't use their chakra outside of their bodies doesn't mean that they have no way to use chakra. I mean, Gai and Lee aren't helpless either, right? And both of them are hilariously bad at ninjutsu and genjutsu.. I like that saying about the blind man that doesn't want to see. I've never heard it before, but it fits Kakashi perfectly in this fanfiction.. Haha, once again you hit the nail on the head with your predictions as to where Hikari will go with the rat experiments.. Don't worry about having missed a chapter, I'm seriously always happy when I get to read one of your reviews. You are always so spot on with your observations, it's a joy to read your comments :)

To _Hopefull reader_ : Hah! Look who changed their moniker. Don't sweat not reading the AN's, they are mostly for my own amusement and those people I directly address as well as those readers who are really bored ;)

To _Squee_ : Thank you for the pep talk. Honestly, it's still weird to think that I have fans, people that read my stories not to do me a favour, but because they are genuinely interested. You know, my oldest brother is still saying "I'll read it sometime soon", but meanwhile I have somehow managed to actually gather faithful readers that have stuck with this story since the first chapter. It's baffling and always fills me with immense joy to think that this long-standing hobby of mine can actually be appreciated.

To _sleepyone_ : Ohh, I honestly wasn't sure whether or not I took the restriction of information due to the first person perspective a bit too far, but I'm happy you can enjoy that :) I started adding the Omakes as a way to get some easy characterisation on Kakashi because he was always so monosyllabic towards Hikari.

 **I do not own Naruto.**

 **18**

When I come up to the dango shop the next day, I'm still a bit exhausted from the previous day. My chakra regenerates rather quickly, but I have no idea whether it's a normal rate or not, because I neither know how quick chakra is supposed to replenish or how large my own reserves truly are in comparison to others. Either way, when coming back from the brink of chakra depletion, I usually need a good meal and a full night's sleep to get back to a fifth of my reserves and after reaching that point it only takes some two days to be at full capacity again.

The symptoms of chakra exhaustion, weirdly, linger almost longer than the time it takes to fill my reserves again. I suppose it's because using so much chakra, especially in short time frames as I'm rather fond of doing, it seems, is quite strenuous for the vessels the energy flows through and the symptoms I experience are more from my coils recuperating than from a lack of chakra itself. But that's neither here nor there.

I enter the familiar haunt and look around. There aren't a lot of patrons this time of day, since the lunch crowd is more focused on proper restaurants instead of snack shops. Benjiro isn't here yet, which doesn't surprise me all that much to be honest. He is usually right on time or a few minutes late, never early as I am today, judging by the clock ticking on a wall of the shop.

 _Might as well get something to eat while I wait_ , I muse, satisfied that I can buy my own and pleasantly aware of the thick wad of cash I have sealed away in my supply scroll. The promise of dango has never been so sweet as right now, when I can buy it myself with my hard-earned money. So I happily stroll up to the counter, the girl behind recognizing me and giving me a smile. I grin back and order a small plate of sweet, delicious, dango. At the thought my mouth waters. It has been a while since I've eaten any sort of sweets.

Taking the plate and paying for it with a crumpled note I fish out of my pant pocket, I take my change and move to a table in the back corner to wait for Benjiro.

He turns up some fifteen minutes later, entering the little shop and looking around. When his eyes fall on me, I wave him over to my table since I still have a skewer of sweet dumplings left and no inclination to rush my indulgence. The Nara complies, slumping into the seat opposite me and setting the bag he'd been carrying on the bench next to himself.

Curiously I look at the floral printed cloth bag that seems more than a little out of place for my laid-back friend, who's so fond of simple, unobtrusive colours. "What's that?", I ask.

Benjiro shifts subtly in his place and looks down at the bag before meeting my eyes and looking away again. "Lunch", he answers.

Raising an eyebrow, I drawl, "Ookay... Why did you bring a packed lunch? You could've just eaten at home, y'know?"

Again he shifts. "My aunt insisted", he admits as if it were some horrendously embarrassing thing and maybe it is to him to have caved to his relative's demand. Looking him over, it's quite obvious that he's hit puberty and everybody knows that during puberty just about everything your relatives do is awfully embarrassing.

Feeling merciful, I _don't_ snicker at his plight and instead gesture to the mostly empty table top in front of him. "Go ahead then, I'm sure the owner doesn't mind us occupying the table for a little longer."

I glance over at the clerk behind the counter, who is apparently very interested in our conversation for whatever reason. Not that I blame her, there is absolutely nothing going on and we're the only people currently in the shop. "Is it alright if we eat lunch here?", I call over at her, ignoring Benjiro's mortified expression. Sure, it's kinda rude to eat your own food at an establishment that serves it, but it's not like I care about politeness.

The girl doesn't seem to care either. "I don't mind", she calls back, waving her hand dismissively.

Turning back to Benjiro, I grin at him. "See? You should eat, a growing boy needs his nutrients after all", I tease and watch with delight as a light flush works its way up his throat. Maybe I'm a bit mean to embarrass him like that, but he's bring ridiculous about his aunt packing him lunch. He should be happy.

Finally, the boy complies, lifting the bag to the table and pulling out a truly humongous bento box. It looks almost like a picnic basket, it's so big. It's also very pretty, with a carved wooden lid and several interlocking compartments, all tied together with an embroidered cloth band. Looking from the bento to Benjiro and back, my mouth opens and spits out the first thing that comes to mind.

"Wow. I know you're a growing boy, but his is a little over the top."

The Nara slumps down a little further in his seat and looks away, to the side. "I told her I would be meeting you here."

I blink. Then I look at the giant bento. And back at him. "So, you're saying ... this is for both of us?"

Benjiro nods, still avoiding my gaze. I blink again. A slow grin forms on my face and I reach over the table to punch my friend in the shoulder, making his eyes snap up to me. "Don't sulk like that! This is so cool! Thank you!"

Now grinning like a madman, I untie the cloth and lift the lid of the wooden box, before flipping it over. On the inside of the elaborate lid are a handful of loops and two pairs of lacquered chopsticks. I pick the glinting black one with white and green flowers painted near the top, while passing Benjiro a pair that's green with red and golden flowers.

Placing the chopsticks in my hand the proper way that that woman had insisted upon, I marvel at the smooth feel of them and the pretty designs and colours. _Heavens, how long has it been, since I ate with pretty chopsticks?_

The picture conjures a memory from my old life - _slurping on instant ramen with pretty black chopsticks from a colourful iittala bowl in the tiny kitchen of the shared apartment_ \- and I feel a pang of nostalgia. It isn't like that were the good old days, but it wasn't so bad in retrospect.

Shaking myself out of my thoughts, I look over at Benjiro, who's eyeing me uncertainly, a light blush still on his cheeks. _Goodness, he looks like an adorable kid. All awkward and unsure._

I grin at him and focus back on the bento and whatever treasures it might contain. The last prepared meal I've eaten was that bento I had when in the summons' realm. Since then, I didn't really have any inclination to spend money on food, choosing to save it instead, and I try to refrain from stealing now that I have to work with the merchants I'd steal from so that's an avenue I had closed for myself . Therefore, I'm understandably excited to be offered a full meal, a _homemade_ one at that! It makes me all kinds of giddy.

Benjiro is much more hesitant in joining me once I've started digging into the food, but his inhibitions seem to be slowly melting away until we're fighting over the last fried dumpling. Somehow, he manages to snatch it away the exact moment my chopsticks close around it.

I glower at his smug expression and if I'd been any more petty, I might have thrown a pea at him. But this food is the best I've had in so very long and it doesn't deserve to be desecrated like that, so instead I opt to liberate as much as I can from the box, before it can be snatched away from the undeserving Nara. To imagine that he had initially declined bringing this heavenly food to me makes me want to choke him, but that might have some serious repercussions -the worst being that I might never get to profit from his relative's cooking skill again being the worst, obviously- which is why I can overlook the stupidity.

By the time the box is empty, completely cleaned out by the two of us, we are both full to the seams and grinning like fools.

"That was _so good_!", I gush, repressing a burp for the fear that more than hot air might come up, "You have to get your aunt to cook for us again!"

Benjiro only nods, yawning widely with his eyes drooping like he could take a three hour nap right about now.

We share a moment of quiet satisfaction, only broken by me when I thank him softly. Bringing me food is about the nicest thing anyone has done to me, since Gai decided to make up by putting me through the wringer and get me up to speed with my taijutsu and it's debatable if that actually counts as a nice gesture.

Benjiro puts his head on the table and frames it with his arms, effectively hiding his face from view as he mumbles something I can't quite understand against the wood. His ears seem to take on a red tinge though and I suppress a snicker. _Oh, puberty. So amusing to watch and so awkward to live through._ Then I take a moment to pity myself, because I will have to go through the whole ordeal again as well.

Pushing that thought aside, I stack the compartments of the bento box back together until I can secure the construct with the pretty cloth band before I place it back into the colourful bag Benjiro had transported it in. Then I stand and stretch my arms over my head, ignoring the pressure it puts on my filled stomach.

"Come on", I admonish my friend and shove his shoulder lightly, "I still have to find an apartment."

The Nara only grumbles and rests his head on the table, not cooperating. I groan. "Come on, _Ben Ten_ , let's go!" My only answer is an unintelligible mumble, so I punch him non too lightly in the arm. No reaction.

"Well, nothing I can do then", I shrug, prompting Benjiro to turn his head on the table and watch me as I turn towards the exit.

"Don't leave", he mumbles quietly.

"We can't stay here longer and I gotta find an apartment."

"Later", he tries to argue and I huff at his sluggishness.

"I think finding a fitting apartment might take a while and I want to get it done today. Ergo, I should get started."

"We", he corrects sleepily, looking beat.

Tilting my head, I think of our options. Stay here and buy some dango to justify our presence or go somewhere else to rest? _Maybe I should just bring Benjiro home and go alone._ That seems to be the best option, but I _had_ looked forward to spending some time with him and I'm not quite willing to give up on that when it looks like he wants the same. So I decide on something else.

Grabbing my friend under the armpits, I hoist him up to his feet, ignoring his protests. Then I proceed to pull him over my shoulders and heft him up. Sliding my right arm between his legs and grabbing his right arm with it, I readjust his weight, before grabbing the floral print bag with my free left hand.

Benjiro groans against my shoulder blade as I jovially say goodbye to the laughing clerk and exit the shop to step into the bright afternoon sun.

"I think I hate you", he grumbles and while I falter for a moment, I shake the comment off in favour for heading towards my first destination, an apartment building on the edge between a district heavily populated by low-tier shinobi and a completely civilian district.

It's one of Kyoya's tips. my only plan is to try the addresses he gave me until I find something that fits me. It's a short list of five, because apparently cheap accommodation that accepts shinobi is rarer than I thought. But there should still be one place or another that might be acceptable. Not that I'm setting a high bar for "acceptable", I just want a place that isn't too crappy for a reasonable rent. Shouldn't be too hard to find, all in all. I just need to go and introduce myself and get a tour of the available apartments.

Preferably without having to lug Benjiro around the whole time.

As the building I'm looking for comes into view, Benjiro shifts a little to look ahead instead of letting his head droop against my shoulder blade. "Are we there yet?", he asks in that obnoxious whine that has annoyed parents on trips for as long as one could imagine. In retaliation for being purposefully annoying, I add a little bounce to my step, jostling the lazy Nara and eliciting a gagging noise.

"Uuugh", he groans pitifully, "You're so petty." A deep sigh. "You can put me down now."

Satisfied in the knowledge that I have won this round, I bend my knees and set him back onto his own two feet. Immediately, he slumps like he regrets every life choice he's ever made ... or gets into a convenient position to heave, one of those two. I pat him on his hunched back while doing nothing to suppress my grin.

"So troublesome", Benjiro comments after he spends a minute decidedly not throwing up, which is probably for the best. Then he straightens minimally and seems good to go. Together we enter the building's bottom-most floor and locate the office/apartment of the landlord. I knock on the door with the helpful sign next to it and we wait for a middle aged woman to open up.

"Good day, how may I help you?"

"Uh, yes, hello", I stumble verbally, unused to address people politely and only now realizing that I'm rather unprepared for this, "We, I mean, I would like to, uh, inquire if there is any free flats I might rent?" I rush the last part of the sentence out in a single breath and shuffle a little under the heavy gaze of the matron.

"Would you like some tea?", the woman asks, catching me flat-footed. _Tea? Why?_

While I'm still fumbling in surprise, Benjiro speaks up and answers for me. "We would like that, thank you." He even pulls out of his slouch a little to look less like a wet sack of laundry and more like a human person.

The woman steps back from the door and invites us inside, which we follow, leaving our sandals by the door before we follow her into what looks like a small office with scroll-laden shelves lining one of the walls. Sitting down in proper seiza - _I never thought that that woman's lesson would ever become useful_ \- I follow our host's form until she disappear out the door, presumably to prepare tea.

Then I turn to Benjiro, who, unsurprisingly, isn't sitting in perfectly straight-backed seiza. He also hasn't chosen to sit on another side of the low square table, instead opting to sit next to me on my side, making it a little cramped, but I'm grateful for it. His presence so close helps with the nerves of an unfamiliar situation.

When the matron returns with a tea tray, she surveys our position and the corners of her mouth lift into a small smile. "My name is Hamawara Nanako", she introduces as she serves the tea, "It is my pleasure to provide Konoha's best with accommodation."

I imitate Benjiro in nodding my head in acknowledgement. "I'm Nara Benjiro and this is Hikari", he introduces for me, because I'm still rather slow in figuring out how to do this whole thing, "We're looking for a small, affordable apartment to live in."

The matron blinks, a slight frown overtaking her face for a moment when she looks at Benjiro. _Had that been too forward?_ But she seems to shake off whatever offense she might have taken in favour of taking a sip of tea.

Uncomfortably, I mirror her action, picking up the cup in front of me and inhaling it's smell, bland boring green tea, but I stop before taking a sip. _I've neither seen how she prepared the tea nor the cup_. Of course, I hardly think that a random old Konoha citizen would want to poison me in particular, but I'm still a ninja and no self-respecting ninja would put trust in a stranger like that. So I lower my cup without drinking from it and set it down next to Benjiro's which has gone completely untouched.

"I have two free apartments at this time that I would like to show the two of you", Hamawara finally breaks the silence, "There aren't many available ones appropriate for a young couple, but I believe you will like what I can offer you."

That startles me, and from Benjiro's flinch next to me, he hadn't expected that assumption either.

"We're not-" "I'm not-" The Nara and I try to correct at the same time, both breaking off and trying to let the other handle it. When I look over at Benjiro he's blushed again and looks wholly uncomfortable, so I take over.

"We're not a couple", I finally manage to articulate.

The matron smiles and nods, though she has that look on her face that adults sometimes get that says she knows something we don't. _Probably thinking that we'll end up together because we protested at the same time or some shit like that._ I have to suppress a scowl at the thought. Being condescended like that always rubs me the wrong way, mainly because many people that think themselves older and wiser than me haven't even been alive as long as I have.

"Anyway", standing up I brush imaginary lint from my trousers, before becoming self-conscious and shifting uncomfortably, "Could we maybe see those apartments? I'd like to find something today."

Benjiro shakes his head before getting up as well, followed by the older woman. "We can do that, if it is what you want. Young people are so impatient nowadays", she scolds lightly and proceeds to show us out of her home. We follow as Hamawara leads us up a set of stairs and along a corridor to a closed door.

"This apartment has two rooms, a kitchen and a bathroom", the woman informs as she opens the door with a key she procured from her obi, "It's simple, but has everything one should need."

The short hall that the door opened to has two rooms on either side, one small bedroom and a slightly larger living room on the right and a tiled kitchen next to a bathroom with shower, toilet and sink on the left. It is rather simple and not all that large or sprawling, but the living room has a window as well as the kitchen. We're only on the second story and there is no convenient balcony, so it's not perfect for a roof-hopping ninja, but I don't care that much. What I do care about is that the abode is already furnished, which has me wondering.

"So all the furniture is part of the rental agreement?"

"Sure", Hamawara answers, her gaze constantly following my movements as I explore the flat, "The last owner left them behind and they are perfectly serviceable."

Suspiciously, I eye her. After a moment she smiles. "It's only a small additional charge to the rent." And there it is, the catch. My mother's words from the Before reaffirmed. _If something is too good to be true, it usually isn't_. I nod and keep looking around.

As I step into the small bedroom though, I halt Benjiro bumping into me when he doesn't pay attention. My mouth pulls down into a slight grimace. "Did something die in here?", I ask, trying not to breathe too deeply. The putrid smell of rot, more than familiar thanks to the years of dumpster diving and poking around in back alleys, isn't exactly strong, but it lingers uncomfortably in the air.

Both Benjiro and Hamawara turn their full attention to me. "Now, what makes you say that?", the woman asks lightly, but her posture shifts into something a little more defensive. The question draws the Nara's gaze onto herself, though his scrutiny is hidden by his usual slouched appearance. I take another step into the room and the smell gets stronger.

"I can smell it", I answer simply, because what else should I say? It garners me a quick glance from my friend, maybe he's surprised, but it's hard to tell since he's doubled his impassive act. The woman, however, seems startled.

"That's it, then", she says as if coming to a conclusion, then she looks around the room curiously, answering almost offhandedly, "The previous tenant was a shinobi as well and he died of something or other after coming back from a mission. I've been having trouble to rent out the flat ever since, but this makes sense."

Her unaffected tone when talking so casually about the death of the previous inhabitant of this place makes me uncomfortable and the lingering smell of decay isn't helping much. "Well, I don't want to live with that smell around, so maybe we can check out he other apartment?"

"Sure, sure", the matron waves off and heads out of the room. When I move to follow her, Benjiro falls into step next to me and brushes our shoulders together. Questioning, I look over at him. His expression seems sympathetic, though I'm not all that sure, why he'd feel the need to offer comfort ... if that is what he's doing. Uncertain how to handle this, I look back forward and follow Hamawara who locks the apartment and leads us up another staircase.

The apartment Hamawara leads us to next is structurally the same as the previous one, the biggest difference being that it isn't furnished.

"I guess this flat's previous tenant didn't die and conveniently left all his stuff?", drawls Benjiro as we poke around.

The woman waves off the sarcasm. "Sadly, no. Although the man was a shinobi as well." Ignoring Benjiro's flat expression, she sizes up the bedroom from where she's standing. "He didn't give a reason for wanting to move out but I recon he and his girlfriend wanted something bigger." With a sidelong glance to us, she tacks on, "But I'm sure this could work for young folks like you. It could be cosy with the right futon."

I send her an incredulous look. Not only did we already deny being in a relationship, but _we are children for heaven's sake! What is wrong with her? How can somebody just say that as if we were in need of a cosy bedroom for some alone time?_

The thought sends a shiver down my spine as I'm reminded of the fact that that woman had planned for me to go work at a brothel little more than a year ago. I get the feeling that maybe society here has a warped sense for appropriate ages. They do teach young children how to maim and kill after all ...

Uncomfortably, I step away from Benjiro and the matron under the guise of opening the drawers in the kitchen. It all seems in order, though the hinges squeak with every movement and all the countertops are riddled with slash marks and punctures. I'm not sure what the previous tenant thought he was doing to use his kunai like this, but it doesn't look all that nice and, in fact, it has lead to the wood becoming chipped, causing a handful of splinters to lodge in my skin when I feel over the damage.

Hissing, I retract my hand and make quick work of pulling out the wood fragments. Then I hold it under the uneven stream of water that splashes out when I use the tap. Once I'm done and the irritations soothed, I shake off the water and walk back to the others.

"The kitchen's a mess", I declare, annoyed that the second option is a bust as well. As much as I haven't been cooking at all up to this point, I do want to have the option to provide for myself instead of fishing every meal out of the trash or eating raw fruit and veggies.

Hamawara shrugs. "The man moved out yesterday and I haven't yet come to a deal with the carpenter."

"Well, I can't use it like that", I glower.

"Thank you for your time", cuts Benjiro in diplomatically, "But it seems as though we won't come to a deal. Have a nice day."

"I understand. Good luck in your search."

Together, the Nara and I leave the flat and then the building altogether.

"That was a bust", I comment after a few silent steps. The Nara grunts noncommittally and doesn't verbally respond. In fact he slows and falls behind. When I turn around to look at him, suddenly and stupidly nervous that maybe I'd said or done something to annoy him, he's slumped over with trudging feet and barely open eyes. I can't help but let out a startled laugh.

"Come on, _Ben Ten_ , don't go falling asleep!" The only response is a wide yawn and an unintelligible grumble. Nevertheless, I slow my own steps to the snail's pace Benjiro is moving at and we very slowly make our way to the next place on my list.

Benjiro is still barely responsive by the time we are standing in front of another door, knocking. He looks up though, when the door is opened to a scowling elderly woman.

"Hello", I say awkwardly, aware that my friend will probably leave me to take the lead this time, "My name is Hikari, this is Benjiro. We, uh, heard that you have apartments to rent?"

The woman's scowl doesn't let up the slightest as she glares down at me. "I know who you are", she spits, "I don't rent to thieves!" And with that she slams the door shut.

Benjiro and I stand in ringing silence. I'm frozen with indecision while inside my emotions are boiling. Anger wars with embarrassment and disappointment. Fury tries to trump the ridiculous notion of sadness. To be so summarily rejected by a total stranger... Sure, I know that I have a bad reputation, but this is a slap to the face and I'm not sure how I should deal with it.

And it's my Nara friend that makes the decision for me. "You don't have to act surprised, I know that you used to steal at the market." My inner turmoil snaps into focus.

"Oh yeah?", I hiss, rounding on him and hating his flat look directed at me, "And how would you know that?!"

He raises an eyebrow as my face heats in an angry flush. "I have ears, I've heard the vendors complaining more than once."

I shove him back and he lets me, not fighting the petty attack, which only makes me that much angrier at him. "Well maybe you should stop listening to rumours! I thought you knew better than to believe gossip!"

My voice is a near yell and I know that I'm not being fair. There is truth behind this specific reputation after all and enough evidence for it. But it hurts to know that he's known about it and never asked me about it. That he's simply accepted it.

"Why are you angry at me?", Benjiro questions taking a step back and looking much more awake than he did before, "If you don't want to be called a thief you shouldn't be stealing."

It was not the right thing to say. My frustration mounts, the anger being overtaken and I raise both hands to pull at my hair. "I don't steal anymore, Benjiro! I _stopped_ doing it!" Then I turn away, striding off hurriedly because the more the fury diminishes the more the frustration and irrational hurt comes out and I can't stand looking at him.

My chest aches with betrayal and once again I am aware that I'm overreacting, that he's done little to deserve this much drama, but my emotions have taken me into a chokehold and I can do nothing but stumble along.

"Wait!" I can hear Benjiro call after me, but I can't even look at him. The realisation that he's not standing apart from the rest of them, that he is still part of the society that rejects and belittles me at every turn, that he isn't magically on my side and ready to defend me against the gossips, has me reeling. It hurts and I can't even wonder what I had been expecting. _That he'd be on my side? That he would ask me to clarify before putting any stock in rumours?_

 _How silly. That's not how humans work. Why would a boy stand up for a friend in such a manner? And that's all Benjiro is. A boy. Why did I ever put any expectations like that in him?_

"Wait!" A hand lands on my shoulder and I flinch away from it, getting out of grabbing range by mere instinct and turning to face the offender. Benjiro looks so confused, it'd be funny if I weren't so stupidly upset. "Why are you so mad about this?"

Taking a deep, shuddering breath, I swallow a few times to loosen the knot in my throat. He deserves an explanation. Benjiro is still my friend, just not as reliable one as I had thought him to be.

"I hate people talking about me", I croak with a sore voice, my larynx jumping as I deny the sob that wants to break through. _Get a grip!,_ I mentally scold myself, _This is too much._ And it really is. I'm being ridiculous. "That you would believe what they say without even letting me know", I take a deep breath, "It hurts me", I admit quietly. Giving away a weakness is something I wouldn't have considered doing a few months ago, but I'm not at the Academy anymore, not under the constant pressure of keeping up an image.

Benjiro still looks confused. "But it's-"

"Even if it's the truth, _Benjiro_!", I interrupt him, "Friends are supposed to talk with each other, not gather information behind the other's back!" Because that's what a ninja does, gathers information without letting the target know. _But I'm not a target._

Sheepishly the boy looks off to the side. "I'm sorry."

And just like that all my remaining anger deflates and the ball of roiling feelings unravels and I feel just emotionally drained. "Yeah, well..." With a sigh I run a hand through my wild hair, ruffling the spikey strands, "Now you know." And I resume walking, because that's really all there is to that. I've once again chipped off a bit of that last naivety I hold. I know not to put ridiculous expectations in little boys that I fancy to be my friend.

Mentally, I map the route towards the next point on my list and turn the corner accordingly, absently registering Benjiro's hurried steps to catch up. He keeps pace beside me, but remains silent for the few minutes it takes us to get to the next apartment building.

I knock on the door of the building's manager, waiting patiently for it to open. When it does it reveals, to my surprise, a young man. From what I had gleaned, the large apartment buildings are usually owned by a family or clan who would set one of their own to be the manager of the tenants and flats in that building. And usually that position goes to older women, who had no family to care for anymore and were too old to start a new one so they could be useful still. To see a strapping young man, capable of other, more esteemed, work is unexpected. But not unwelcome either. It makes for a nice change.

"Hello there, what can I do for you?"

"Hello, I am looking for an apartment and heard this building might be in my price range...", I trail off, not certain what to make of the man's continued smile.

"Sure, sure", the man nods along, already putting on his shoes and curiously forgoing all the polite courtesies that the first woman displayed. He seems eager to move us out and down the corridor, forgetting even to introduce himself in his hurry to step out and close his front door. Just before he can, I catch sight of the mirror hanging on the side of his hall and the movement within. When, a moment later, the guy brushes past me to lead us to the staircase, I catch a whiff of flowery perfume and something else that has me grinning with realisation.

 _We just interrupted his tête-à-tête with a girl._

It's hard to suppress a snicker, but I manage, clearing my throat instead and getting his attention.

"So", I begin conversationally, "I'm Hikari, this is Benjiro."

"Oh, yes, of course. My name is Iwata Toyoaki. You two are looking for a place together?"

Benjiro sputters, "No! We are- We aren't a couple." And once again he seems embarrassed by the notion, looking at me with pleading eyes, obviously expecting me to protest as well. But I don't care about what Iwata thinks of me and currently feel a sort of vindictive pleasure at seeing the Nara uncomfortable. So I remain silent and watch the man turn a bemused look at my friend.

"It's alright", the guy says amiably, "I won't rat you out to your parents." And with a secretive grin he wiggles his eyebrows at Benjiro. _God, what a child._

It's a little disturbing of him to be so on board with the idea of kids getting up to the naughties as that's apparently where his mind is currently going. What's also disturbing is the waft of what appears to be arousal that drifts off him and I dearly hope it's the thought of his lover waiting for him that's getting him hot and bothered. Just to be safe, I fall back a little more and get some more space between myself and the potential pervert and his odour.

Benjiro pulls back as well, preferring to walk alongside me instead of next to the guy that's obviously making him uncomfortable with his suggestions. Soon enough, we arrive at the first flat and Iwata quits his rambling about the wonders of young relationships and how he understands wanting to get their own quiet space. He got way too deep into that.

As we step into the apartment, I look around and catalogue the old wooden floors that are worn down but not ugly or decrepit, the small but well cared-for kitchen and the new window panes, which aren't a surprise if you live in a shinobi village such as Konoha. It all seems pretty acceptable. As seems to be normal, the two-room apartment only has windows in the living room/kitchen and the bathroom, leaving the bedroom to be rather small and dark. I suppose ninja would feel more comfortable with their sleeping space not in contact with the outer walls as, with enough force, they can be easily breached in one go.

It all seems surprisingly fine and I'm already gearing up to having to protest the prize, because too good things always come with a catch, when I investigate the shower in the bathroom. The fixture is nothing fancy, just a shallow tub with a drain, a showerhead and knob and a curtain to prevent the spray from going all over the room. When I step closer, I pick up on a smell that has me scrunching up my nose, trying not to sneeze.

 _Seriously? I never thought that my sense of smell would come into so much consideration when looking for a place to rent._

Even as I shake my head over the rather weird position my nose puts me in, I follow it until I'm crouched low and looking at the small gap between the shower tub and the wall where the grout has long since degraded and crumbled. That's where the smell is coming from, strong and itching in my nostrils. _Mould possibly?_

If this room has a problem with mould, then I might not want to spend a fortune on renting this place. Knowing that there's a hitch in the bathroom makes me want to go back and through the other rooms with a closer look. _If it's just in the shower, I can live with it, but if it's everywhere? Like in a badly ventilated room like the bedroom?_

As I stalk back out and into the darker room, I look over the walls. No ventilation shafts between the rooms. That gives privacy but isn't good to prevent mould.

"What's your girlfriend doing?"

"She's not my girlfriend. We're not a couple."

"Suure... So, what's she doing?"

Benjiro takes a moment to come up with an answer and I can feel both of them watch me as I walk along the walls of the bedroom, trying to not be obvious with my sniffing about. "Just checking something", he decides on and it's certainly true.

I'm almost back at the doorframe when I catch it. The tingly odour that was in the bathroom. It comes from the corner behind the heater and now that I can smell it, I can't unsmell it, no matter how far I back off to the centre of the room. With a grimace I turn back to Iwata. "You have a problem with mould."

And, to my agitation, the man simply shrugs. "A lot of cheap apartments have _some_ mould, at least you can't see it here."

"It's not about the looks! It's a health hazard!"

Again, the man shrugs. "Do you want the place or not?"

"No!", I snap rubbing my itchy nose, "It stinks!"

"Well, that's the only free apartment in the building, so if you don't want it, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"Fine", I say pushing past Iwata and out into the corridor, before grudgingly turning back to the man and making an effort to be polite and not sully my future chances if I ever have to interact with him again. "Thank you for your time. Have a nice day." And I want to clip on a cutting comment on his waiting lover, but I hold myself back at the last minute.

"Have a nice day as well", replies the guy jovially after Benjiro has said his goodbye as well, seeming happy enough to go back to his afternoon activities. I shake my head, still miffed that he'd be so lax about the mould thing. But maybe it's not such a widely known problem as of yet. Or maybe he simply doesn't care about the health of his tenants.

I stand for a minute just watching the guy's back as he walks off to the stairs. I remember that in the Before mould was a big thing to look out for in your dwellings, not something I ever really had to deal with but enough of an issue that I'd heard about it from other people or the telly. And somehow, I find it unsettling that a landlord would be this unbothered to be called out on the hazard in their flat. While I've learned to accept my new environment, when it's unexpectedly thrust into my face like that I still find myself perturbed from time to time.

Further ruminations are cut off, when Benjiro lightly shoves my shoulder and pulls my attention towards him and his mildly annoyed expression.

"Why didn't you correct him?"

I blink. "On what?"

"That we're not together."

Shaking my head, I give him an unimpressed look. "I don't care what some random _schmuck_ thinks about me. Whether or not he or any old lady thinks we make a cute couple is none of my concern." The real reason being that I take my petty revenge in whatever form it presents itself.

With another shake of my head, I get going again. "You coming?" My answer is only miffed grumbling by Benjiro but he follows nonetheless.

We walk in silence that slowly grows uncomfortable. Insecurity creeps up on me. _Have I pissed him off too much? Will he leave when I'm not nicer to him?_ I give a sidelong glance to the Nara but it reveals nothing to me. _His shoulders are pulled up a little, does that mean anything? Does that mean he's angry?_ The questions nag me relentlessly the longer we walk in silence and I curse my apparently horrible social skills.

"We could train later?", I suggest nervously. Benjiro tilts his head and looks at me, before his whole body loosens up and he gives a lazy grin.

"I bet I can kick your ass. We've been doing nothing but training", he sags, "And it's so exhausting", before he perks back up again with a playfully smug look, "Should have made sure I stay ahead though."

"Pfft, you wish", I wave off and grin myself, "I bet I can take you down in three seconds flat." At the outrageous claim, he laughs and I join in with a few chuckles. We both know that he's probably stronger than me still, but it will be interesting to see how much he's improved and changed his style.

 _By the way..._ "I've got something cool to show you!"

At that Benjiro fully turns to me, walking backwards to keep looking at me as his grin widens. "I got something cool to show you as well!" Under his typical slouch, Benjiro seems to vibrate with excitement, a fact that even someone as socially incompetent as me can see. It seems he's eager to show off his new moves, probably a new clan technique, he's always the proudest when he gets the hang of those. Not that I blame him, only seeing him lashing his shadow about is awesome. I can't wait to see what he's wanting to show off.

Apparently Benjiro can read minds, because his grin fades into a smirk and he proposes, "If you tell me what your new technique is, I tell you mine."

"No way!", I protest before taking two fast steps and leaning into his personal space to whisper in his ear, "It's a secret." Then I take off running a few paces and turn back to him. "The faster we get this over with, the faster you'll see."

And lo and behold, that speeds the Nara up considerably. I tell him our next destination and we make a race out of the remaining distance. While Benjiro takes off down the street, I scale the nearest building with a few leaps and utilize Konoha's sturdy roofs like a proper shinobi. Sadly, it doesn't give me enough of an edge over the short route and I land about the same moment as Benjiro comes to a halt in front of the main entrance.

"I win!" "Faster!"

At the simultaneous exclamations, we stare at each other before snickering. I throw an arm around Benjiro's shoulder and try to get him into a headlock and give him a noogie, but he resists the attempt and retaliates by trying the same with me until we're stumbling down the street and scaring civilians away. Just as some other Konoha shinobi land at the edge of the wide berth the passers-by give us, I manage to trip the Nara. In his fall, he tightens his grip on me and pulls me down with him, ending with me sprawled over his abdomen.

I scramble up and quickly get out of grabbing range as Benjiro moves to stand as well. We both pat the street dust off our clothes and exchange a grin. "You weigh less than a fly", the Nara comments, "You have to put on some mass before you can bodycheck anybody."

"Don't you know it's rude to comment on a lady's weight?", I sniff imperiously before breaking into a grin again, albeit smaller this time, "Let's go in now." We have gathered too much of a crowd anyway, even if it's dissipating again. I don't like all the eyes on me. Therefore I feel much better once we step through the doorway into the building.

The first apartment the polite elderly lady that acts as the building's manager showed us to is a very nice flat with two bedrooms, a living room _and_ a kitchen. All the floors were wooden and in good shape, there are no disturbing smells anywhere and the windows in every room fill the whole thing with a lot of light from the afternoon sun.

With a wrinkled smile the lady, Natsukawa Fuyu as she had introduced herself as, turns to us while we inspect the kitchen. "It's a very nice apartment, the previous tenants were a young family as well. They said, they enjoyed living here very much, but with the third child on the way, they needed a larger home. I believe they own a house for themselves now."

For several seconds, I can do nothing but blink at the unexpected info dump. Then a smile sneaks onto my lips as I turn towards Benjiro, who seems to be cottoning on as well. And if my smile takes on just a hint of a mean edge, nobody has to know about that.

Just as the Nara opens his mouth to protest the notion of me and him being a couple, _again_ , I slide closer and hug his arm to my chest.

"Doesn't that sound nice?", I say while making doe eyes up at him. I have to hold in the cackle that bubbles in my chest when his face turns into a grimace of confused embarrassment. The flush that comes to his cheeks a second later is too much and I quickly look away, masking the motion as a dreamy look about, as if imagining children or pets or whatever else domestic scenes a love-sick teenagers might imagine in this situation.

I can feel Benjiro trying to free his arm and step away. Of course that only means I cling harder to the appendage and invade his personal space a bit more as I snuggle up to his side. The elderly lady looks at us fondly. My ribs ache with suppressed laughter.

"I can just imagine it", I continue, my voice shaking and trying to pass it off as excitement, "Don't you think, honey?"

Benjiro makes a choked sound, doubling the subtle efforts to get me off of him. "Come on", he complains lowly, "Don't make a scene." Which he is apparently trying to avoid by not obviously rejecting my display of affection. _Poor unfortunate Benjiro, to have been raised with proper manners._

With a wide grin, I indicate the smaller bedroom, "That could be the children's room." I risk a peek at his expression and shake with laughter, my breath catching in a gasp as I try to control my breathing. Benjiro looks down at me with furrowed brows and still that utter bewilderment at the situation he's just been thrust into.

Then he realizes that, with only two inches of height difference between us, this position put our faces very close indeed. Instantly his cheeks go flaming red and he rears backwards. I let him escape and back off with my breath held, probably going red as well with the force of my suppressed cackling. Sadly Benjiro looks away and doesn't give me much chance to enjoy his embarrassment after that.

Luckily, Natsukawa seems to put the interaction down as romantic, and not the utter teasing it was, and continues to show us around the apartment. It really is nice, but, as I have suspected already, utterly out of my price range. When I carefully point that out, the old lady looks rather disappointed but agrees to show us one of the smaller, currently available flats.

Idle chatter fills the air, mostly the elder woman going on about this or that with little encouragement needed. Just as she pushes the key into the lock of the smaller flat though, it's interrupted by yet another elderly woman butting into the conversation.

"Fuyu-san!", the newcomer exclaims with exaggerated cheer, forcibly drawing our attention onto her, "I've been looking for you! Momoko-san told me you were showing possible tenants around and I just had to come and see who my new neighbours might be!" She throws a short glance at Benjiro and me, or, to be more precise, she meets my eyes for a second before focussing on the landlord. "Do you have a moment to spare? I'm sure the young people can take a first look themselves."

Natsukawa is visibly taken aback by the force behind the request but agrees anyway, opening the door for me and Benjiro to step inside while she moves to the side of the hallway.

Suspiciously I eye the interloper. The woman's appearance rings familiar in a way that many of Konoha's citizens' do but I can't quite place her importance. I dimly remember spotting her likeness in any number of places during my wanderings through the village's streets. Yes, I've seen her at the farmers market at least a few times, but then again, I've seen most everyone there at least once by now.

 _Does her intrusion have to do with me or am I just paranoid?_

The thought lingers in the forefront of my mind as Ben and I inspect the flat for possible faults. Pleasantly we don't find anything, it just needs a little airing out. I'd be looking forward to sealing the deal and moving in, what with the price Natsukawa had mentioned in her chatter only just affordable with my income. It would be worth it though. Having my own place, with none of the worries all the previous options presented, would be amazing.

Meeting Natsukawa's withdrawn gaze as the woman joins us in the small living room/kitchen, I know that the interloper had interloped because of me, to sully my chances. Bitterness and anger rises in my throat like bile, but I swallow it down and force a smile.

"This place looks wonderful", I praise with much less enthusiasm than I might have had if I wasn't waiting for the other shoe to drop, "I'd really like to rent it."

The landlord looks uncomfortable, going as far as breaking eye contact and looking at Benjiro instead. "I'm terribly sorry, but Taniko-san reminded me that Momoko-san's nephew was looking to rent this apartment. It's not available anymore." She even looks contrite, it seems like an honest feeling, but that just shows how bad I am at judging people. And to think that I had liked her enough to joke around...

Disappointment mixes with the bitterness in my gut, my stomach sinking heavily with the frustration.

"What about one of the other apartments? You mentioned there are more than this one", Benjiro tries but I can already see the brush-off he will receive.

"Oh, they're more expensive and will be out of your price range, dearie."

"Let's go", I push out from behind clenched teeth before grabbing Benjiro's hand and dragging him out into the hallway. He throws a quick excuse and farewell back to the landlord. I don't bother and simply pull him along as I stomp down the stairs and out of the building.

"That was also because of your reputation", the Nara observes after a good five minutes of silent stewing on my part. I only nod. It's obvious that the interloping woman informed the landlord of my less than reputable standing and convinced her to drop me like a hot potato.

"I can see why it upsets you", Benjiro concedes. There's nothing really I can say to that so I remain silent, steering us through the early evening crowd toward the last address on my list.

Some ten minutes later, we stand in a small one room apartment with a middle aged woman trying zealously to sell this dump. I haven't bothered to catch her name during introductions, letting Benjiro handle it while I glumly contemplated whether my alley would be preferable to whatever this building's run-down facade housed.

Takara Ui, because of _course_ I can't help but remember her name even if I specifically did not pay attention, continues to sing praises about the location of the building -which is only somewhat close to the centre village-, the neighbourhood -which consists of similarly shapeless apartment blocks- and the lovely elderly lady living on the second floor, who she enthusiastically dubs the "mother of the community". I haven't met the woman she talks about but I hardly believe she's as much of a saint as the landlord is trying to make her out to be.

The only thing Takara doesn't laud to high heaven is the flat we're currently standing in, because even she can't embellish this place with a few phrases.

It's not like the apartment is in bad shape, the tired wooden flooring is worn but not uncomfortably so, the walls are decked out in stained tapestry but that's easy to fix on my own, the bathroom needs a good scrub-down but it doesn't reek of mould. In earnest, it would not be a bad choice to live here. It's serviceable and with a little work could become comfortable.

I hate it.

Even though this flat is in better shape, the small room with the kitchenette in one corner and the window tight next to it, reminds me of pain and hunger and fear. When I walk over to the back corner to inspect a wet-looking spot in the tapestry, I feel phantom pains of my hair being pulled and only after a moment do I realize that I've stopped cold, with hunched shoulders, waiting for a beating that will hopefully never come.

I can't stand it.

Can't imagine ever feeling safe here.

Still I ask for the price because this is the last of Kyoya's suggestions and if I don't take it, I'll have to spend more time researching other options. Given that my mere reputation was enough to be turned away by two out of five landlords, I have doubts on how well my search will go.

My misgivings about this apartment are only amplified when I hear the rental fee. " _What?!_ "

"Oh, I've had a lot of people looking to rent this place", Takara cheerfully informs me.

"But that's ridiculous!"

"You are free to look for an apartment elsewhere", the woman offers amiably. The glint in her eye and the small widening of her smile into a grin when I shoot her an incredulous look tell a story of their own. She's aware of my reputation. Takara is looking to profit from my troubles.

It's the first glimpse of the stone-cold capitalism I remember from the Before, of brothers sabotaging each other during heated Monopoly matches, the calculated pragmatism of exploiting another's weakness.

And although it doesn't shock or even greatly bother me, Takara's opportunistic capitalizing on my unfortunate position is no less aggravating. Burying both my hands into my hair, I start pacing along the confines of the room, thinking.

 _Is it worth it? If it is, can I stand living here?_

And that's the question. The money would be wasted if I spend it on an apartment I'll never be able to call home. I know that this isn't the flat I was locked up in during the first years of this life, but I can't help scanning the room from the corner of my eye every few minutes. Even though I'm aggravated, I don't stomp.

I hate it here.

With a frustrated yell, I pull at my hair before letting my arms fall back to my side. "Why can't there be any decent people with decent flats?!"

Takara doesn't even play at being insulted, instead smirking as she watches me pace. Benjiro, however, looks worried or perhaps just uneasy. From his behaviour throughout the day, he could just as likely be nervous because I'm making a scene as he could be unhappy by proxy. Either way, he steps in my way before I can pass him yet again in my pacing.

I stop and stare at him while he runs a hand through his hair once before burying it in his pocket, slumping his shoulders in a hilariously tense slouch. "I know a place we could check out if you don't like this one", he mutters with an unreadable expression.

Furrowing my brows, I wave for him to go on, not trusting myself to keep a steady tone should I talk.

"Just overheard some clansmen talking about the topic", he says as if admitting to stealing the last cookie. His reluctance doesn't make sense, but then again, what do I care?

"Sure, let's check it out."

As I turn to leave, I shoot another glower at Takara, who waves back with a smile. "If that doesn't work out, you can still come back and rent with me", the woman offers. My response is a growl, but I don't refuse her. Who knows if Benjiro's idea pans out?

This time it's Benjiro who leads me toward another part of the village. He's walking faster than before and I watch him from the corner of my eye as we make our way in the general direction of the Nara compound. _That can't be coincidence, can it?_

Then a thought strikes me. _He doesn't expect me to move into the compound, does he? How would that even work? I'm not a Nara and I have no intentions of marrying into the clan._ I shoot Benjiro a sidelong glance, but then I shake my head free of the ridiculous concept. _That can't be his intention. He's not stupid like that._

And, luckily, that turns out to be correct as my Nara friend turns off from the way to the compound a few blocks away from the main gate and leads me to a smaller, well-kept apartment building. It's a neat, cleanly affair with three stories and walkways along the front.

Benjiro knocks on a door and soon after, the wood is thrown open to reveal a scowling woman around thirty. Her face is marked by several smaller scars but it's her leg that really draws the eye. Or rather her lack thereof. I wrench my gaze from the wooden peg leg that replaces the lower half of the woman's shin and foot to look her in the eyes. They are a nice brown colour that is offset by the murderous expression it's surrounded by.

"What?", the woman demands, giving me a scrutinizing once over before settling on Benjiro, who shrugs and, surprisingly, relaxes under the glare.

"Oba-san mentioned you've got a vacancy, Hikari-san is looking for a flat."

"This isn't a hotel, boy", the woman reaches out and cuffs him in the side of the head before turning to me, "My name is Nara Katai. I don't care who you are since, obviously, you can't afford to rent here."

Surprised I look down at myself, not seeing the problem at first. Katai is a retired shinobi, as much is apparent not just in her scars but also in her stance, so she is unlikely to take offense of my ruffled appearance. My outfit is a bit dirty and crinkled from my earlier scuffle with Benjiro, but that shouldn't be the problem. A moment later, I realize that it's the fact that my clothes are mended in several places and the old civilian sandals I'm wearing that give the impression of poverty. And here I was, thinking that using dark thread and subtle stitching would hide the mends. Of course the trained eye of a shinobi would pick it out in a heartbeat.

"I'm not poor, I just don't like spending money on new stuff when I can repair my old things just as easily", I defend myself hesitantly, "Also, my name is Hikari."

"Sure", the woman rolls her eyes before sending another glower at Benjiro, "Whatever, I'll show you around and then we'll see." And with that she steps out of the doorway, pushing between us and striding along with long, if slightly uneven, steps.

"Been having trouble finding someone to take the place", Katai throws over her shoulder before stopping in front of another door and fishing a key out of her pocket, "No shinobi wants to live on ground floor and those pansy civilians don't have the balls to knock on my door." With a snort, she shoulders the door open and meads the way inside.

The first thing behind the threshold is a small hallway with four doors leading to two empty rooms, a tiled bathroom with a shower stall and a fully decked out kitchen. Even before Ben and I follow the elder Nara into a large living room with a full wall of windows overlooking the small garden behind the building, I know that this apartment is way out of my price range.

It's nice though, very nice, and I take my time poking around the rooms, indulging in an idle daydream of actually living here. It would be perfect, wonderful, probably. Certainly much better than I had realistically hoped for. The flat has a lot more windows than any of the ones I've seen before and I can understand shinobi not being comfortable with that, especially on ground level, but I find it quite nice. It's not like I have any enemies that would come knocking at my door, now do I?

Pondering that question, I note the milky quality of the glass in the bathroom and the room opposite it, shielding the occupants from casual view. _I do have people that dislike me something fierce, but none of them would stalk me to figure out my address, would they?_ I can't quite imagine it. School bullies are one thing, but breaking and entering is another. _And I haven't bothered any merchants lately either, so it's not_ _like they will form an angry mob to hunt me down or anything..._

When I emerge into the hallway once again, I can hear Benjiro and Katai conversing in hushed tones. Curious, I sneak closer, but when I reach the living room I'm immediately spotted by the older Nara, who raises an eyebrow and casually torches the note she's been holding. Benjiro jumps at the sudden fire jutsu and looks around only to spot me as well. He looks sheepish. I can't fathom why.

"So, you like it?", Katai asks nonchalantly, waving away the ash floating gently to the ground, "My cousin tells me you've been having no luck with all the civilian pansies."

I shrug, "They don't like my reputation, but yes I like it. Not sure, I can afford it though."

The Nara woman, now looking considerably less irritable and making me wonder what exactly she and Benjiro were talking about, only waves that comment away like she did with the ashes. "I can give you a discount if you promise to stay and pay full rent once you get promoted to Chuunin."

"What, really?!" Stunned, I watch the woman for the slightest hint for a dishonesty, holding back on the rising hope in my chest. It could still be some kind of prank, Benjiro giving pay-back for my teasing earlier. It's a bit crueller than I'd expect of him, but still more likely than this much of a lucky break. _Right?_

"Yes, really", she answers in a deadpan voice, "I'll need a deposit, though, and I want the first rent up front."

It takes me entirely too long to close my gaping mouth and pull myself together. "Yes! Yes, of course. No problem, I can do it!"

With an eye-roll, Katai beckons me to follow and sign the contract in her office. I comply in a daze and half an hour later, I've handed over half of my savings and received a key and been shoved out of the door.

I blink at Benjiro standing next to me. He looks like he always does, slouched, with half-lidded eyes, watching me. "Ben, am I dreaming?", I ask, seriously wondering.

"Who knows?", he answers noncommittally. The corners of his mouth twitch upward for a moment, before he schools his face again.

"I'm ... I have an apartment", I state disbelievingly.

"You do."

"And it's not a dump..."

"It's not."

My brows furrow. "What did you do to make her give me a discount?"

Benjiro yawns and turns away to stretch. "I don't know what you're talking about."

 _Of course he does_ , I think suspiciously, but just before I voice that thought I stop myself. _So what if he did something behind my back. I have an awesome apartment now!_

And just like that a grin spreads across my face, stretching so wide that it hurts. I sidle up to my friend and bump shoulders with him. "Wanna go to the training grounds?"

He answers with a lazy grin of his own. Of course he wants to, Benjiro hasn't missed a chance to show off his moves once ever since deciding to be friends with me.

 **-o-**

"Wow", I pant, ducking under one of Benjiro's roundhouse kicks and moving to sweep his grounding leg away, but he predicts the movement and is already jumping away. "You really did improve, heh, heh, and here I was thinking I could beat you."

"I don't even, heh, know how you caught up so, heh, fast", he replies, equally breathless, racing through hand seals and throwing his shadow out towards me. I dodge to the side, towards the sinking sun to avoid manoeuvering my shadow closer to his.

Of course the black tendril follows me no matter how much I move, nimble and fast as a thought. It almost latches on once or twice, but I'm still faster than Benjiro can keep up with, but he's getting there. Especially with how he's manoeuvering us towards the treeline. I curse when I realize it's only about three metres away.

 _Wait, can his shadow follow me three-dimensionally?_ Without time to ponder the pro's and cons of that idea, I leap back and up turning just in time to latch onto a tree trunk Spiderman-style. Quickly I skitter up the trunk and onto a high branch. From Benjiro's annoyed groan, I conclude that my spur-of-the-moment decision actually holds merit.

Grinning, I peer down at the Nara as he slowly walks over. The shadow tendril is still extended towards the tree I'm on, slowly circling it like a predator might, so he hasn't let go of the technique yet.

"That looks menacing", I comment, crouching to better converse with him, "Can't it go up vertical surfaces? I think you've done that before..."

"Yes, it can, but that would be obvious." Still he tries, sending the tendril up the tree from where it had crept out of my sight. I spot it before it can come close, frog-leaping onto a neighbouring tree. Interested, I watch as the shadow retreats back down the trunk.

"Can you not get it across the gap?", I ask. Benjiro frowns thoughtfully and runs through a new set of hand seals. The shadow stills on the bark of the tree before its tip seems to darken even further into a solid black. Then the tendril begins to wiggle and move and it takes me far too long to realize that it's _moving toward me!_

With a shriek, I jump away from the writhing shadow tentacle reaching for my face. Of course, I didn't look where I jumped, too busy staring at the shadow abomination, and fall ass over teakettle out of the tree. A second later the technique falls in on itself, the shadows merging back into the normal din of evening.

Benjiro is bent over, laughing his pretty little butt off. I throw a twig at him but have to giggle myself. That _was_ a slight overreaction. Picking myself up slowly, I walk back into the clearing of training ground 14, the one that Benjiro's team regularly uses. It's a pretty varied field, there's a boulder and the remains of a stone building that would indubitably be a good spot to train tactical manoeuvres, as well as single trees and smaller groups in the large meadow, which itself is surrounded by the forest that connects a large chunk of Konoha's training fields.

"What was that?", I ask, when I come up to the Nara, punching him in the shoulder for laughing at me.

"That was the Shadow Stitching Technique", he explains willingly, a wide grin showing how proud he was of the new jutsu.

"Neat", I comment with a smaller grin, "You have to become faster with it. But I shudder imagining what you could do with it."

Benjiro waves the criticism off, "It's not supposed to be used like the Shadow Possession. We use it to spear our enemy from the shadows, it just needs a short range burst of speed."

"So you can make the tentacle sharp?"

"Uhh, yeah", he falters, "I think it's mostly the momentum that drives it through, but it might also be sharp...", he shifts, bringing his hands together, "Here, let me try again."

And a moment later, his shadow darkens and twitches. Then, with no further warning, a tendril bursts out with the speed of a thrown kunai. It falters before it can get longer than a metre or so, but with a grunt of exertion and a face screwed up in concentration, Benjiro manages to keep the technique up and exactly still.

Interested, I reach out and run my fingertips over the solidified shadow. It is cool to touch and smooth like polished marble. Testing the tip results in a shallow cut on my finger, because, indeed it is a very sharp point.

"Cool", I comment absentmindedly as I stick the injured finger in my mouth, tasting the blood from the cut. I suck on it, but no more blood comes out, which is good because it means it really isn't that bad of a wound. I barely feel it anyway. Spitting out my hand, I flick the shadow construct and it dents against the sudden force. Then it completely destabilises and falls back into nothingness.

"I haven't had it for very long yet", Benjiro immediately justifies himself, earning a raised eyebrow.

"I wasn't gonna say anything." I think about it for a moment. "This is really amazing actually!", I exclaim, getting excited over the new technique, "It was so sharp! You'll never be cornered and in need for a weapon, you can just slash away with your shadow!"

"I don't think that's how it works", Benjiro replies, looking sceptical of my enthusiasm, "I can't keep the jutsu stable very well while it moves. It wouldn't be fast enough to help against any shinobi worth their salt. That's why it's an ambush technique, it only needs to work for one quick attack."

"But that's boring", I complain, still grinning, "Just think of it! A dagger made of solid shadow, you'll be the ultimate rogue!"

That earns me a funny look from him. "I'm not going rogue, I'm not a traitor."

A cold shiver runs down my spine as I parse through the problem. _Of course, that doesn't translate at all. Heavens, any other shinobi would have flayed me for questioning their loyalty like that_. Luckily, Benjiro seems to understand that that's not what I meant by the comment and isn't looking too angry.

"Of course not, I meant, you'll be a really good assassin. Hiding in the shadows, making weapons out of nothing, that kind of stuff."

Benjiro snorts, "You get too carried away with your imagination. Just because I can control shadows doesn't mean that I can hide any better than any other shinobi. and just because the Shadow Stitching makes sharp points doesn't mean I can use it like a kunai."

"Why not though", excitedly I poke him in the chest, "You can control and move your shadow, even vertically, so why not drape it over yourself?"

The Nara boy blinks, looks down at my finger, then back up at me. Then he blinks again. "Yeah...", he says slowly, "Why not?" Then he runs through the appropriate seals that turn his shadow a few shades darker. He pools the inky darkness around his feet, pulling my shadow in as well, but ignoring the option to use the Shadow Possession and instead concentrating on his control.

Slowly, very slowly, the shadow creeps over Benjiro's sandals, making them all but disappear, then it starts climbing his right leg, blackening everything it covers. Just under the hip, Benjiro's control over the technique wavers, but he can get it back.

"I can't go higher than that", he mutters through his concentrated frown. His words jolt me back into action and I quickly walk around the Nara to see how far the shadow has spread on his backside. Somewhat surprisingly, it is only the front of Benjiro's legs and the top of his feet that are covered in darkness.

"Hey _Ben Ten_ , do you control your technique by sight or differently?"

He lets go of the technique and shakes out his hands. "By sight, why?"

"You only covered what you could see of yourself."

For a moment he keeps silent, taking in the new information. "Otou-san mentioned that it's also possible to control it with chakra sense", he admits.

"That seems more practical. Are you a sensor?"

Benjiro shakes his head, "Not really, but it can be learned. I guess, I'll try that."

Humming thoughtfully, I take a few steps back and start stretching my arms, now that we're done sparring. "Good idea. But you still have to try using the Shadow Stitching as a semi-permanent weapon. That's too cool not to try!".

"It's still not fast enough to be of any use like that."

"You could hold it, like you would a kunai."

He groans, "But it has to be connected to a shadow to work, if I hold it in my hand I take it away from my shadow."

In response I hold my hand in front of his face, palm down.

"What?", he asks.

"Look underneath the hand."

"There's nothing there..."

I use the same hand to cuff him playfully, before putting it back into position and peering under it myself. While the back of my hand is illuminated by the setting sun, my palm is a play of light and shadow. After I point that out to Benjiro, he keeps quiet for a while and we stretch in silence.

"I'll try", the Nara finally hedges. I grin at him.

"Cool!"

"But you've got to show me your new technique now, I showed you mine."

Chuckling sheepishly, I rub a hand through my unruly hair. "I really have to, don't I? That's only fair I suppose..." Quickly, I check my chakra stores. They are moderately filled, the large bento Benjiro brought for lunch having helped the recovery along quite nicely. I might just have enough chakra to summon Mushu and offer the rest as tribute. That would leave me chakra exhausted, but I kind of really want to show off to Benjiro as well and we haven't had the time to meet up at all since graduation.

 _What the hell_ , I shrug my concerns off, _if I overtake myself Benjiro will take me to the hospital._

With that decided, I throw a cocky grin at him and start to unwrap the bandages around my left forearm, bit by bit exposing my summoning tattoo. I show it to him. "You know what that is?"

Benjiro shakes his head no and moves closer to inspect the darkened skin. "Tokage?", he asks, "Lizard?"

"It's a summoning tattoo", I inform him gleefully and revel in his shocked expression.

"You have a contract?", he gapes, his slack-jawed expression slowly morphing into awe, "With what animal clan?"

"Monitor lizards", my grin is so wide that it hurts by now, but I can't help it. Benjiro's excitement bounces off of my own eagerness to show him my new sidekick.

"What are monitaa lizards?", he asks and though even if he has no idea just how cool my summons really are, he looks about ready to see one.

"They're really smart lizards", I say with an excited giggle, before forcibly calming myself in order to move my chakra into the correct pattern. With a kunai, I slash open my palm over the same thin scar from yesterday and watch the crimson blood well up for a moment before moving my hands into the first seal. "And some of them are poisonous."

Benjiro, moves away to give me room, cottoning onto the fact that I have to concentrate for the summoning jutsu. Finally, I reach the ram seal and slam my hand into the ground, pushing the gathered chakra into the spreading seal. "Kuchiyose no Jutsu!"

This time, I've judged the amount of chakra I need to summon Mushu better, meaning that only a little correction is needed as the technique takes its course. A moment later, a large plume of chakra smoke explodes around me and I can't help but be immensely satisfied, when I hear Mushu's familiar hissing.

"What do you want now, human?"

Waving at the smoke to dissipate, I gather a mass of my dreadfully small amount of remaining chakra in my left hand before guiding it into the summoning tattoo, where it promptly vanishes from my senses and control. A sudden but not unexpected wave of exhaustion comes over me, but it's not bad enough to make me waver.

"Hello, Mushu", I finally say, watching the lizard emerge from the clinging cloud, following my voice. It makes something inside of me lighten.

"I wanted to introduce you to a good friend of mine." Looking over to Benjiro I wave him closer. "This is Nara Benjiro. We might work together with him in the future. He's a shinobi of the Hidden Leaf as well."

Mushu narrows his eyes at the Nara, flicking his tongue out at him to take his scent. "I don't care", he states but continues to inspect him both with sight and smell. I chuckle tiredly.

"And this, _Ben Ten_ , is Mushu. He agreed to become my personal summon in exchange for food."

Benjiro grins, "That seems easy enough. Maybe I can get a summon myself later, if that is the condition." I very determinedly do not tell him of the human sacrifices Komodo demands for his summoning. No need to ruin the mood.

"Speaking of", Mushu butts in, "Where is the food?"

"Oh", I yawn, pawing at my scroll and searching for the correct seal. Then I'm confronted with the fact that my chakra reserves are dangerously low and that even the little expenditure of unsealing a dead rat might send me over the edge. So I offer the scroll to Benjiro. "Can you unseal that?", I point.

He looks confused but obliges anyway, immediately dropping the two dead rats that were stored in that particular seal. Mushu doesn't mind the Nara's surprised disgust and immediately gobbles the cadavers up.

"That's all?", he asks with the hint of complaint.

Suppressing another yawn I nod, "I'll send you back now. My chakra's running on empty."

The lizard hisses an affirmative and disappears in a smaller puff of smoke, severing the connection himself rather than wait on me. Surprised, the sudden snap and backlash of chakra returning into my coils has me stumbling.

 _That was wholly unexpected_ , I acknowledge in the swimming daze that takes over my mind before receding again, _I've never had a summon release itself. Seems like that makes the rest of the technique come back to me._ Which makes me wonder, whether or not Mushu received a similar surge of chakra when I released him yesterday. _I'll have to ask him another time._

"Are you allright?"

Slowly, I lift my head to look at a worried looking Benjiro who is crouched before me where I sit on the ground. I nod. "Yeah, just tired, is all. Summoning takes a lot of chakra."

I heft myself up onto my feet and immediately Benjiro is there to help me up. If I had enough energy, I might be annoyed, but as it is, I have to accept the help.

"Better get home now", I mumble. A slow smile spreads on my face. I have a home now. Not an alley. Not a dead man's house. My own place. Following the impulse, I turn to Benjiro and grab him in a fierce hug.

"Thank you."

His chest vibrates with an answer I can't make out, but he returns the hug and seems happy enough to walk me home.

 **-Omake-**

The door closes with an audible click that has her perking up. The following "Taidama!" has her smiling.

"Okaeri!", she calls back, setting aside the book she has been reading to walk out of the study. In the hallway, she finds the boy pulling off his sandals. He looks dishevelled, dirty and sweaty, but smiling all the same. It's a Nara smile, of course, barely more than a tilt of the mouth. Some people would even classify it as a smirk, but it's not. Benjiro looks happy.

"Did it go well?", she asks, moving over to ruffle his short hair. Given his age, she'll have to take all the opportunities she has before he grows out of easy hair-ruffling range. Going by the long-suffering expression he graces her with, he can't wait for that to happen. "Are you hungry?"

"I am and it did."

"Come on then, I'll reheat dinner." Shooing the boy into the kitchen, she instructs him to make tea while she busies herself with some rice and vegetables. A look into the fridge tells her that the fish she set cold earlier is gone, but she pushes the annoyance from her mind and pulls out a cut of beef to chop and fry up.

Her brother has the tendency to raid the fridge whenever he gets drunk. She can't say that she approves, but at least it's in the evening this time. At least today, she doesn't have to get his son out of the house. The boy will go to bed after dinner and there won't be yet another argument.

Looking over her shoulder at her nephew, her sour thoughts melt away. He looks content, still smiling as he fetches two porcelain teacups and readies the leaves. "Did you bring back my bento box?", she asks over the sizzling of the meat in the pan.

"Yes, Oba-san."

"What are you waiting for, then? Go get it and wash it up for me, will you?"

He grumbles a little but does as she asks. Such a good boy. A real sweetheart. When he returns with the large box that's more of a picnic basket than a lunch box, really, she does a double take. Yes, it's completely empty. With a shake of her head she puts down a mental note to feed Benjiro more. If he's able to go through this much food and still be hungry at the end of the day... well, he is a growing boy.

"I saw your sister today", she ventures, adding spices to the pan and, after some consideration, throwing in the cold vegetables as well and heating the rice in the microwave. "She was on a date as well."

"That's nice", Benjiro returns and it's all that she can do not to count down for his spluttering addendum, "And it wasn't a date!"

She snickers, "You can't tell me that you don't admire that girl."

"It's not like that", he replies with the kind of adolescent indignation that only teenagers should be capable of. But he's close enough, what with his thirteenth birthday on the horizon.

"Sure it isn't", she teases and for a moment it seems like he might not respond to that and instead lapse into a sullen silence. Not that Benjiro does that often, but teenage hormones do tend to lead to easily bruised egos. Her little brother had been the same way back when they were little.

"It's not like I have a crush on her or anything", her nephew ventures, intently scrubbing the dirty box compartments, "I just like her. That's all."

She snorts. "As if! You never shut up about her."

"That's not-! That doesn't even-! Ugh! It's not like I want to kiss her or nothing, that's gross!" And back is the indignation. What a ridiculous notion, kissing a girl. She laughs, he'll soon change his mind, but maybe she should not poke him anymore about it.

"What is it then?" Oh, who is she kidding, of course she'll continue teasing him, what are aunts for?

"She's just a really cool person. She can do a lot of crazy stuff, she-"

Curious, she glances at her nephew. He stopped washing the dishes and is instead looking into nothingness while soap suds drip off his fingers into the sink. After a moment he catches himself and continues with the next compartment, an excited grin on his face.

"She has a summoning contract!", he exclaims, "I saw how she summoned one of her contracted animals. It was awesome!"

She snickers and dishes the reheated rice onto a plate with the contents of her frying pan. Beckoning the boy over to get some sustenance in him. By now she is more than familiar with the exploits of Benjiro's friend, one Hikari with no last name. It has been his favourite topic of conversation for little over a year now.

As Benjiro's aunt she had stepped up to the plate when her brother was charged with his son's upbringing and subsequently failed miserably. She herself never had a wish for children, but now she filled the role of a parent all the same.

So it was her that her nephew came to in order to talk about his new best friend. She was the one, he bounced his theories about her background off of. He came asking her for help when he feared that his friend was living on the streets. And she was the one that spent a whole month trying to track down the little girl's home. Not that she found it, but the girl would always disappear at night, somehow shaking off her tail along the way. As a shinobi, it stung her pride, but the regular schedule the little girl followed let her reassure the worried boy that his friend was fine.

That reminded her...

"So? Did you end up going to Katai-chan?"

Benjiro's wide, happy smile tells a story all of its own. "Yes", he answers, "I'm glad she didn't take any of the other places, they weren't nearly as nice. And now that she lives so close, we can meet more often." Not to mention that at least now, they have an address for the girl. "And she really liked the bento as well. Thank you, oba-san!"

She smiles and ruffles his hair once again. "Anything to make sure you and your little girlfriend had fun." He whines, again, that he isn't in love with her, but the protests are half-hearted at best. Appreciation for her help and happiness over the good day he had seems to soothe all ruffled feathers.

It's nice to see him in such a good mood and she hopes dearly that he won't lose the ability to laugh and have fun. Too many shinobi have cracked under the stress and trauma the job brings with it. She would hate to see her nephew follow in his father's footsteps.

 **O.o Non-cannon Omake o.O-**

The first time the little girl shows up, it's only one of them that perks up at the ankle-biter unsuccessfully sneaking up on Konoha's most famous assassin. Had Sakumo not been watching over his son ever since comitting seppuku, he might have missed the minute tightening of Kakashi's masked face.

Interested in the newcomer, Sakumo had studied the little girl's concentrated expression up close. She was downright adorable in her stumbling attempts. And maybe it was the proud father in him, maybe it was the fact that he hadn't seen any children for so many years, but she brought back memories of Kakashi toddeling through their house with the same determined expression.

The likeness was only amplified, when the girl reaches his son and looked up at him, before unceremoniously falling onto her back and lying still. Kakashi seemed as surprised as many of Sakumo's fellow spirits, but he soon turned away. Had he not, he might have caught the melancholoc expression that seemed so out of place on a child so young. As it was, only the ghosts took notice.

When the girl returned more than half a year later, with an apple in her hand and a scraped knee, she was immediately the centre of ghostly attention in the clearing. They all were bored, to be honest, not many having close living relatives they could haunt. Instead those that clung to their place in Konoha did so at the memorial stone, where clinging was oh so easy. Sadly, that meant they didn't get to see many new faces and watching Kakashi wallow in misery was never much entertainment to begin with. A young girl full of life and no overwhelming sorrow was a sight for sore eyes.

Not that the girl seemed to be entirely free of sadness, if the way she spaced out is any indication, but she soon shook it off in order to poke at the core of the apple she had just finished eating. Watching Kakashi flinch away from the sound of the small explosion was hilarious, especially when he looked to be seriously contemplating whether or not the four-year-old child posed a danger to himself. While the ghosts cackled with mirth, Sakumo's son adopted a deadpan expression when the girl burned herself on the second seed.

The more they saw her, the more the ghosts of Konoha came to like the little firecracker. She was a prodigy, that much was clear, especially when you had the honourable Shodaime Hokage waffling on and on about how wonderful it was to see Konoha's children safe and protected and happy. Sakumo didn't need the teary proclamations of their village's founder in his ear to know that he likes the little kid. She was good for his own kid, for Kakashi, who looked less and less like a dead man walking with every time that they met.

A while after the girl had started coming by only in the afternoons and bringing school supplies, a new face joined the ghosts around the memorial stone along with another name carved just that morning. There had been no mourners to the stone since, so it is likely that whoever died did so without anyone left to mourn them.

Sakumo held back as they were introduced to the gathering of Konoha's greatest heroes, or at least those that still remained to see how the next generation fared. Instead he hovered by his son as both of them waited for the girl to show up. She had lately gotten his son to call her "Hikari-chan" and taken to calling him "isi", which had to be some made-up childish nickname, because none of them had ever heard it before and it certainly wasn't a shortening of "Kakashi".

"Hello, _isi_!" comes the joyful greeting of the child Sakumo had been waiting for and he feels an intense surge of pride and happiness when his son replies with the customary "Hello, Hikari-chan." The girl really is good on him. She was the first that Kakashi has addressed so cordially ever since Minato and Kushina-san's death. Even if he was simply humouring the child, it was a step in the right direction.

"Looking after your family?" The unfamiliar voice had him turning to see the transparent spectre of a young woman, maybe a few years older than Kakashi, with smooth black hair and the uniform of a Konoha Chuunin. The unknown kunoichi bows in greeting. "My name is Akagi Miko, it is an honour to meet you Hatake-sama."

Sakumo nodded his head politely in return. "You may call me Sakumo, Miko-san. We're all dead anyway." He turned back toward where the girl was sitting with her homework, obviously struggeling woth the sheet, which baffled him since she was so ahead of her age in all other aspects. "Yes", Sakumo finally said, "I'm watchin my son and his little friend."

"She's more than just his friend", Miko informed him lightly, watching the girl fondly and with the hint of regret in her expression, "She is his daughter."

Sakumo choked. "What?!"

The news had the ghosts boiling with outrage and more than one caused the howling winds that ripped through the training grounds that week. None were more murderous than Sakumo and the Nidaime. If they were still alive, the woman that dared to abuse the little girl they had become so fond of would dearly regret her life choices.

Sakumo spent weeks yelling at Kakashi to man up and get his daughter out of there, but as always, it was useless trying to bridge the gap between the dead and the living. Meanwhile, the Shodaime, in a fit of depression, caused a few of the trees that he was so fond of to wilt while the Nidaime summoned more rain than Konoha had seen in years. And still the living dis not take notice of their forebearers anger.

And although the little girl became quiter and more withdrawn, she seemed to cope with her situation well enough. She certainly shouldn't have to, but she held steong nontheless. The spirits continued to be displeased, but their tempers quieted.

They had all known that the little girl was a prodigy, but when she went and proved how much of a pitfall such talent could be if one didn't have a guiding hand during the learning process all of them felt phantom pains in sympathy. Things went back to the meaningless passing of time that they used to be before a young girl showed up to pull them into the affairs of the living again. Only sometimes would the ghosts at the memorial stone hear news of the girl from Miko, who had taken to watch over the child and whitness the injustice it was subjected to.

Some of the spirits alleviated their boredom by talking shop of what they knew about injuries to the chakra coils, but nothing ever came out of those discussions. More interesting seemed to be the topic that the Uchiha spirits would bring up at every conceivable opportunity.

Their clan had a new prodigy of their own. The very same that the memorial's favourite little girl had made friends with was now rising through the ranks like a shooting star, blowing all opposition out of the water. And the Uchiha would not shut up about it. That is, until they had to witness how one man's crooked world view destroyed one of the village's most honourable founding clans and the happy little Uchiha Sasuke was baptised in his family's blood.

Many of the Uchiha spirits retreated then, to haunt the streets that would never be travelled by their descendants again. When the winter drove a scrappy little mongrel of a girl into their former homes, some found relief in the reminder that not everything was lost, even in such a tragedy.

The spectres of Konoha were once again united when all of them cheered over the young prodigy's success. With a glinting Konoha hitai-ate the girl was free from her mother and ready to take on the world. And every step of the way she would have her own cheering squad. Not that she ever realized that.

 **~Fin~**

AN: That was something, eh? This has been by far my largest update to date. Some 17k words just for the chapter and the two Omakes. The second Omake was a spontaneous inspiration thanks to **_Ardishana_** 's review.

On a side note: Any of my German readers going to the AniMaCo next weekend? I'm super excited myself!


	19. Getting comfortable

**AN** : Moi moi, dear readers. Peruna here. And to all those wondering, that's a Finnish local slang for 'Hi'. Kinda like the French 'Salut'. Just throwing it out there ;) The only people who are welcome to give me flak on that are the Finnish because there _is_ a possibility I'm using it wrong.

Anyway, you might be wondering why this took so long, but I spent some two months in therapy and didn't have the energy to do much anything else but try to get to the bottom of my problems. But seeking help was such a good decision, I feel mich better now. Thank you to everybody that sent me encouragement in the reviews or via PM, reaching out to you gave me the courage to reach out to professionals. Really, you guys are the best and I'm incredibly lucky to have such a wonderful audience here.

Writing this chapter was like pulling teeth, I was lacking inspiration and motivation, but as I knew a good portion of you guys were actively waiting for it, I sat myself on my ass and wrote it. So, here it is. A bit all over the place, but at last I got everything I wanted in. The Omakes were a lot more fun to write, kind of my own little cookie for finishing the chapter.

And since I was reading the reviews every time I was despairing at writing this chapter, I'd say it's time for some community service! Thank you to everybody sticking with this fanfiction and thank you to all my new readers! 1200 followers and over 600 reviews! That's crazy! Thank you so much! But please keep it civil in the review section, so need to be mean to each other, okay?

To **_northern2222Spade_** : Miko, the kunoichi friend of Hikari's mother, died on a mission a few months after the confrontation in the first chapter, which is why she never appeared again.

To **_Dango Dango Daikazoku_** : Ask and you shall receive. I'm nothing if not accommodating. Also: No take-backsies :P

To **_kiki8o_** : By modern standards that would be fraud. And using a henge in order to deceive Konoha citizens would be a very, very bad idea, because this is a village run by paranoid shinobi that expect enemies to infiltrate them.

To **_Ardishana_** : Your rambling is always good for something. I love reading long rambling reviews ;)

To **_Zixyms_** : Thank you for sticking witht the story for so long! Honestly, I don't even see half of the "twists" as twists and just as the progression of the story I want to tell, but that plot does kind of subvert expectations. I'm happy you find it refreshing :'D

To **_Dalilt_** : Eheh, I'm afraid that Hikari wasn't skilled enogh to evade a fully trained kunoichi alone. So that really is on Itachi's genjutsu.

To **_Samsara Morningstar_** : Wow, you are on point when describing Benjiro. I try to write him as smart but not all-knowing and Hikari does quite often forget what age he is and what age she is supposed to be. Nice catch :)

To _BR_ : Thank you for that constructive bit of criticism. I do have problems with pacing and a little too slowly moving plot, but in part that's on purpose because I have a lot of non-canon concepts I want to explore before Hikari gets to use them in more useful ways.

To **_LalondeBii_** : It's lovely seeing you in the reviews time and again. I do put every chapter through the Microsoft Word spell check, but something always slips through sadly.

To **_greenisacolorto_** : Hehe, nope, Benjiro did not realize the significance and magnitude of Hikari having summons. He's got a bad habit of expecting Hikari to know and do unexpectedly cool stuff and not really question how she came to that. Like you said, he chalks it up to her amzingness. Also, there are a handful of civilian merchants that took pity on Hikari when she first started stealing and weren't mean to her. She left their stands alone in thanks. Thank you for your super long review :D

To _Squee_ : Hehehe, did your family enjoy the wake-up call then?

To **_Innieminnie_** : I know the feeling :P I do hope you picked it up again after a pause, since it does get better ;)

To **_LongRoadToNowhere_** : Wow! O-O Thank you for that long and detailed review! I enjoyed that so much and read it so often by now... Anywho, the self-reflection and decision you are waiting for won't be in this chapter, but it's coming. You raise an interesting point and I agree with you that SIs and timetravel usualy fall into one of those two categories, unless it's a crack fic but that kind of explains itself. I sometimes do slip into that stereotypical Nara whem writing Benjiro, but I do try to make him and all my other Nara characters more dustinguished from each other.

To **_Judah_** : You're right, hat does need explanation. Hikari doesn't use the Academy Three in spars because she has to pour all her concentration into it, at least for two or three seconds. When running away from Gai she can sacrifice the slight lead he gave her to do that, but in a spar two seconds of complete stillness will cost you the victory. She is training to reduce the time and attention she needs for the basic three, though, it's just not applicable at this point.

To **_BooksandBrownies_** : I agree, Benjiro is a Good Boy :) I love writing him, because he genuinely wants the best for the people he cares about. And yeah, Hikari is ten currently (almost eleven), but desensitation is rampant in Konoha.

To **_AzaleaE_** : Huh, I did not know that, thank you.

To _Miguel_ : It's not that Kakashi is too stupid to figure out that Hikari is his daughter it's that he deliberately doesn't look into it. Figuratively, he's putting his fingers in his ears and going "Lalala, I can't hear you" because he doesn't _want_ it to be true. The dogs are _ninken_ , and not just that, they're _amazing_ at tracking and pursuit, seeing as Pakkun managed to sniff out a hidden Akatsuki base after getting a scent sample. Why can they smell old blood? Because bloodstains, unless cleaned with specific cleaning aids will leave traces even if they aren't visible anymore, even years later. (Phorensic investigators use a substance known as luminol around crime scenes, which bonds with the remains of bloodstains and makes them visible under black light.) So I used my amazing author superpowers and said that if it's there, the dogs can smell it. And where Urushi was tearing up the floor, a broken-off piece of tooth was stuck in the crack between the bords.

To _Guest_ : Hahaha, I never looked at it from that angle. That explanation for a lack of positive female characters is probably pretty accurate for many other fanfictions, but I would like to say that there is just a general lack of positive characters in Hikari's life.

To _Fiorella_ : Please don't beg for or demand chapters like that. It' rather grating. A bunch of other people managed to find a nicer way to go about asking for an update, like that nice _Guest_ review above yours.

To **_A_** ** _mics_** : Feel free to ceiticise away. Hikari's character is based on myself, which is why I felt the need to describe/explain some of my own idiosyncrasies.

To _Guest_ (No. 2): Thank you for the criticism. It is kind of a SI trope for the main character to be related to a canon character and I did very much want to do that myself, so I guess it doesn't make a lot of sense from a narrative standpoint. I haven't really thought about it like that before.

 **I do not own Naruto.**

 **19**

I wake with a start, rolling off the hard floor into a defensive crouch with a kunai drawn before I can even process anything other than the unfamiliar surroundings. For a few moments I remain completely still, trying to push the sleepy fog over my thoughts away and catalogue the situation.

The room around me is dark and bare. Smooth wooden flooring, white walls, no windows. The only light comes from the ajar door. Everything around me is silent until a loud knocking rips through the quiet with all the subtlety of a cannon firing. I flinch violently, but creep towards the door to look into an equally barren hallway. At one end it opens into another room with large windows that provide light, at the other is what seems to be the front door. The front door someone is knocking on.

Slowly, memories rise above the haze in my head and I come to the conclusion that this is my new apartment. I was looking for one with Benjiro yesterday. It's... better than I can afford. Large and in good repair and with a bunch of windows...

Again the banging at the front door echoes down the hall. This time accompanied by a muffled voice yelling, "Open the door or I will get my keys and come in without your permission!"

 _Keys? Is this my landlord?_

Straightening myself, I warily tuck my kunai back into my pouch. Apparently I fell asleep in full clothing. But then again, it looks like I had no time to even get furniture, so that doesn't really surprise me. Currently it's a good thing, because it means I don't have to get dressed before answering the door. In my groggy state that might have taken a while.

Just as another knock makes the wood of the door shudder, I crack it open and peer outside. There's a woman standing there, tall and with annoyance played all across her face and tension in the line of her shoulders. When she spots me in the slit between door and frame, her face morphs into a thunderous scowl. I have a hard time recognizing her although I'm sure that I _should_ know who she is.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!", the woman snaps at me and crosses her arms, "I didn't rent you the place so that you can hide in there. What kind of kunoichi are you?!"

I blink at her. _What a weird question._ _Hide myself? Why would I need to hide? Did something happen yesterday?_ Shaking the thoughts off, I decide for an honest answer since it might placate the woman without really risking anything. "I was sleeping."

The woman scoffs. "You haven't left the flat for two and a half days." Then, suddenly, she leans in to inspect the little of my face she can see, "You look like shit", and before I can so much as protest she forces the door open and steps inside. Hastily, I back up and get into a more defendable position, a hand on my kunai pouch and my mind finally picking up speed to categorize the situation and my possible exits to it.

Just when I drag up the memory of this flat's layout, it finally clicks who the woman is. Nara Katai, one of Benjiro's clansmen and kinda prickly. My gaze wanders down to her peg leg. Yes, it's definitely her. My new landlord. Pulling my eyes up again, I am met with a flat glare from the very unimpressed looking Nara. She's not exactly up in my face -apparently as a kunoichi she understands that to be a stupid move- but she might as well be, leaning forward and scrutinizing me as she is.

"So you were sleeping, huh?", she asks dubiously, "For three days?"

"Three days?", I parrot rather dumbly, uncertain what to do with that number or how to deal with the situation. The fierce, clenching ache in my stomach gives credit to her claim of several days having passed, but even so I don't know why she cares at all.

"Three days. Don't think I didn't notice when Benjiro-kun dragged your ass here, you haven't left the flat since. I didn't rent this place to you for you to be hiding away here."

 _That's the second time she said that, why does she keep saying that?_

"I didn't hide, I was sleeping", I reiterate, "Why are you spying on me?"

Nara Katai scoffs and leans back to eye me. "It's not spying, as a kunoichi you should expect as much. And the deal was for you to become Chuunin and paying the full rent then, not for you to laze around and not work."

"I wasn't lazing, I was sleeping", I repeat for the third time.

"And if you'd have slept any longer, you'd have starved! Just look at you!" Katai snaps a hand out, too fast for my sleep-addled reflexes to catch, and flicks my forehead, causing me to sway back and bump against the hallway's wall. "What did you do? Went to sleep off chakra exhaustion?"

My silence is enough for her to draw her own conclusions and her face in turn morphs into a look of annoyance and amused exasperation. Then she sighs and rubs her neck where a faint scar runs under her ear. "Kami, kid, you're not even a Jounin and already doing stupid shit like that. Come on, I can't watch you be this utterly incompetent at life."

With that she pushes me out my own front door before closing it and effectively locking us both out. Immediately, I take a few steps away from her to get some distance between us, before thinking better on it and taking a leap up the wall of the building. For a moment I fumble with my chakra, but I end up clinging on the vertical surface without any problem.

"Thank you for your concern", I say and it's like the words are peanut butter sticking to my gum and not wanting to come out, "but I have to get to work now." No matter how much sun's already setting. Katai's interest in me and my movements unnerves me. It's best to escape, I've got my new keys in my pant pocket anyway.

Before she can make to reply, I dash up the building as fast as my leaden legs take me. I stumble at the edge of the roof, twisting my ankle when making the transition to horizontal to vertical. It's easily ignored though, unlike my hurting stomach and the uncharacteristic weakness in my knees.

My legs tremble when I make the jump to the next roof and I have to slow down to a jog instead of my usual dash. Shinobi pass by me in blurs, too fast for me to focus on, and I feel distinctly uncomfortable, so I decide to drop down to street level again. Instead of crouching to bleed off the speed of the fall, my legs fold and my knees hit the ground semi-painfully. Not only that, I have to brace myself on my hands to avoid crashing fully into the hard-packed ground of the alley I landed in.

For a minute, I simply breathe through my dizziness, staring dimly at the earth beneath me. Then my eyes stray towards my bony fingers, splayed out and pale. They are much too thin again, as thin as they had been when I first escaped that woman over a year ago. Numbly, I look over to my left wrist where the bandages pool after having slipped down my forearm.

I have lost weight. Drastically. More than should be possible for a mere three-day period.

Warily I turn my focus inwards, where my chakra reserves are brimming at their usual quarter-full level, the pathways filled with a lethargic flow. With a bit of concentration, the pace quickens and a bit of the energy diffuses into the rest of my body. Expectedly, a warm feeling spreads through my core and my trembling muscles loosen up a bit.

With the fresh strength, I heft myself to my feet and straighten my dishevelled clothes before rebandaging my left arm to hide the summoning tattoo. Then I walk out of the side street and head towards my alley. On the way, I pass a grocery store. The onigiri I buy on a whim is gone after two bites and leaves me hungrier than before. I can't hide a grimace when my stomach cramps again and quicken my pace to reach my goal faster.

I reach the alley running, liberally wasting chakra to force my weak legs to work, and practically fall onto the dumpster. There is ... no moderation as I feast on the trash.

I tear through the bones of some sort of fish with no hesitation.

Dig through the rubbish for the hint of meat, whose smell I managed to pick out over the general stench of the spoiling food.

Crack the skull of a discarded pig's head to get at the fatty brain.

Hazily, I realise that I must look like a starving dog. Or a raccoon digging through a bin. Like an animal. And yet it is so satisfying that I can't bring myself to care.

It is a sound that finally penetrates the feeding haze that settled over my mind. My head darts up and my eyes find the cages at the end of the alley. There is a commotion with the rats. The four adults in their smaller cages are squeaking loudly and scratching at the bars, but it's the larger cage, the one I put the two baby sisters in, that draws my attention.

The larger one is _screaming_ , huddled in a corner her gaze locked onto me before her head swings around to stare at the intruder in the cage. A large brown heap of fur is writhing on the other side of the big enclosure. It's so weird that I simply stare at it for a moment, trying to understand what it is.

Then the ball of fur uncoils and springs onto the larger sister, who tries to escape, screaming bloody murder and clearly frightened before she disappears under the bulk of the other rat. A very familiar other rat.

Beady black eyes find me from behind the cage grid, which I can see now is chewed and bent open on the far side, and then the giant brown rat starts twitching atop my test subject. Rage flares up in my chest as that brazen bastard stares me right in the eye and keeps humping my volunteer, the baby that _I_ raised. _My_ rat. _Mine!_

With a hiss I leap from the dumpster and dash across to the end of the alley. Doug Rattmann -for who else would it be?- disengages and scurries out of the hole in the cage. Tries to make his escape through the gap in the wooden fence at the end of the alley, but I'm faster. My hand closes around his tail and I fling him against the wall. The vermin's body hits the plaster with a satisfying thud and bounces to the ground where it lays motionless. Motionless, except for the shuddering rise and fall of its ribs.

 _Oh no, you won't get away this time!_

I stalk up to the lump of fur, reach down toward the large head of the over-sized rodent. Large, sure, but so much smaller than I am. It will only take a second to break its neck and crush its skull. My hand just about covers its head, I watch its ugly dirt-coloured fur through the spaces of my bony fingers. The long whiskers twitch, brushing against the palm of my hand. I grin and close the last remaining gap, fingers twitching to end the vermin's life.

Just then beady black eyes spring open, the head flies around and a set of long, curved teeth sink into the flesh between my thumb and pointer. It takes a second for the pain to register and to abort the reflex to pull my hand away. Instead I bat at the rat with my right hand. Rattmann lets go and scrambles forward through my legs, dodging my kicks.

I whirl around, searching the dim alleyway for him, but it's as if the bastard rat vanished. _Ridiculous!_ Dashing forward, towards the dumpster, I drop to the floor to find the damn vermin hiding beneath it. But there is nothing in the shallow gap beneath the metal. _What! Where?!_

Spinning around again, I can see only the naked, visibly kinked tail of the rat bastard disappearing between the battens of the fence.

" _Fuck!_ "

My curse echoes once in the darkened alleyway, causing the captive rats to scurry around in their cages again. Breathing heavily, I look up to the black, cloudy sky over Konoha. The sun must have set while I was occupied eating. Tension trembles through my tired body. I feel bloated and stretched thin. My neck starts to hurt from my awkward position, but I wait until I can see a single star gleaming through the dark. The cloud cover thins and breaks apart in pieces and soon pale moonlight illuminates the dark alley.

Only then do I lower my eyes and take in the damage that Rattmann has wrought on my pretty little setup. By now the grown rats in the cages have settled down, watching me with glinting, black eyes. I ignore them, gaze wandering to the pried open cage and the two younger ratlings, huddled together, one sister at least twice the size of the other.

I approach them, watching the big one nosing the smaller one that lays still and quiet next to her. They are nestled in the corner of the cage, as far from the opening that would have spelled freedom had they made their escape while I was distracted. Curious I walk around to the other side of the enclosure, crouch in front of the pried open mesh and call out to them.

The smaller rat only lifts its gaze while the larger sibling bounds towards me, stopping only short of the bent out of place wire. It cheeps at me in a small voice. Almost as if it was looking for comfort. A petting maybe. A belly rub. Its beady black eyes, same as the other's if not for the size, twinkle in the spotty moonlight. I call it again, but it only makes one tiny step forward, sniffing at the gnawed through endings of the wire mesh before turning its furry face away from it.

 _What an ... interesting behaviour._

When I open the cage door and beckon the rat outside, it follows the command as seamlessly as usual, rushing to me and pressing itself into my lap when I crouch to inspect the specimen. It behaves almost like a dog, seeking comfort in a human as it does right now. Trailing my hands over its head and down the spine, I check it for injuries from the encounter. There are no large wounds on the rat's body but some scratches where Rattmann had landed on it and moved into position. On the rodent's shoulder is a shallow bite mark, a movement so fast I had apparently missed in the chaos of the moment.

 _Weird that, I always thought that my perception is rather good._

Reaching into the cage, I pluck the smaller rat out and settle it on my thigh to look over. Cataloguing the blood staining my fingers and the dark material of my pants, I send a little chakra to investigate the body. Luckily my control specimen for the experiment is still alive, but much more seriously wounded than its sister. A deep bite mark in the neck, another one on the shoulder and countless scratches along its side. Both bite marks seem to be inflamed already in addition to still bleeding. Most of the scratches have already clotted but a few also show signs of potential infection.

I pause for a moment, thinking on what to do about this. Without my interference, the control specimen will die while the experiment will most likely survive. If I decided to save the smaller specimen for the continued purpose of providing a benchmark for the oversized sibling, I would have to use nothing but my questionable first aid skills. Simply disinfecting and bandaging the wounds might not be enough to cure the rat.

Looking down at the motionless rat on my thigh, I watch as its sibling nudges it and cheeps faintly. I could, of course, try to animate the rat's system to heal faster after cleaning and disinfecting the wounds. Maybe even heal the wounds myself. But that would mean it would become another experiment, one into medical chakra, and therefore not be useful as a reference point anymore.

The high-pitched whines of the sibling are much more piercing than the screams that my test subjects usually are. I have become deaf to the agony that my volunteers usually go through. But this misery somehow managed to circumvent that. I feel pity for the comically over-sized street vermin behaving like a kicked puppy.

I could try.

In fact, testing my theory on how medical chakra would be different than the neutral chakra I so often use in my experimentation sounds positively interesting.

If I run my fingertips through the fur of the whimpering animal as I unseal my supplies with the other hand, that has nothing to do with it. And if I smile when the animal bumps up against my hand, that's only in excitement for the experiment.

 **-o-**

The Genin Corps mission office is especially crammed just after 6 am. It's the favoured time to pick up missions of about a quarter of the corps. Because six in the morning is when the desk shinobi start handing out those daily recurring assignments that many of the career Genin have come to appreciate. A few of them are so notorious for always taking the old mission that nobody even tries to challenge them for it. Others are heavily sought after and contested, such as office gopher duties in the tower or the few C-rank missions that the corps is assigned.

I'm here because Thursday is the day that one of my favourite missions is given out. It's one of those simple delivery missions that Konoha's merchants and craftsmen like to give out. To deliver their clients' orders to their doorsteps, a small luxury that gives them a competitive advantage. After fetching the scroll from the over-worked office shinobi, I push my way outside, breathing a sigh of relief to escape the crush inside. Then I jump to the nearest roof with the ease of routine and am off.

Half an hour later, I come down in the yard of a reclusive cabinetmaker who set up his workshop closer to Konoha's walls than the centre village. The man is a master of his craft and has two apprentices in addition to his three sons working in the shop, but he still has too few workers on hand to deliver the furniture to his clients or to help his wife transport it to the market, which is why he routinely paid a team of Genin to help him out.

It wasn't a very popular mission amongst the corps, because it meant carrying the heavy wooden crafts all over the village, but I snapped it up with glee, forgoing the search for reluctant teammates and simply emptying one of my sealing scrolls to store the merchandise comfortably during transport. With that trick the previously quite laborious task is nothing more than a light run through the village. The mission pays incredibly well for me since it was originally set up with a team of Genin in mind, but what really sells it is the kind old man himself.

"Ahh, shinobi-san, it is good to see you." The door of the home next to the store opens and the old man walks out, supported by a truly beautifully carved walking stick. He gestures to the large doors of the store house. "Let me show you the pieces I need you to deliver today."

I sketch a shallow bow, and greet him as usual. "Good morning, Konya-san. Does your wife require my service today as well?"

"Ahh, yes. Yes, she does. But later, shinobi-san. Knowing your speed, she won't have left yet before you get back", he replies, amused. I wave the compliment away before slipping ahead of the man into the barn-like building to switch on the light. When I look back at him, the old master gifts me with a kind smile. "Thank you, shinobi-san. Very thoughtful of you. Come, let me give you the list."

By the time I am done sealing away the various furniture in order of delivery the other carpenters have arrived as well to start their workday like usual at seven am. I notify old man Konya before taking off.

Running through Konoha's forest and over her rooftops is always fun, my muscles in concert with the little bursts of chakra I feed them to make soaring leaps and keeping up a fast pace. Of course it's nothing against the Jounin that dash over the roofs with little more than a motion blur to show their passing, but I can keep up with a Chuunin in a hurry if I give it my all. I usually don't, because ninja are paranoid bastards that become very hostile very fast if they are being followed.

Falling into an easy pace, I let my mind wander to my other plans for the day. Benjiro should be coming back today from his team's first C-rank mission. With only about two months' training under their belt they should be too young for an assignment outside Konoha's walls, but from the Nara's perpetual whining about the hell training his Sensei puts them through and my own experiences when sparring with him, I think they were ready for the short missive run their teacher took them on.

Nevertheless, it's unnerving to have heard nothing of him for two weeks now. Since I've moved into the flat, he tended to drop by every few days to hang out or demand a spar. Sometimes even to hide from his team when he's too lazy for a day of hard work.

Instead of him, it's only Nara Katai knocking on my door and demanding to check if I've starved myself to death yet or done something equally as stupid. I don't know what the deal with the woman is, but she's watching my comings and goings like a hawk ever since that incident of me sleeping off chakra deprivation. I gained my weight back within days -which was just as unnerving and unnatural as having lost it in such a short timeframe- but it seems as if my gaunt appearance that day really stuck with her.

I don't especially like the scrutiny of the old grouch but I can live with it. Considering how much I enjoy living in my new apartment, I'd be stupid to complain. It's not like I've got anything to hide. Sure, I wouldn't be thrilled if anybody invaded the sanctity of my alley, but that's more because of me enjoying the privacy of it and less to hide my pets. By now I've transferred all my scrolls from the Uchiha district into my new home and although it might have drawn attention, most people are so familiar with storage seals that few would question how I got my hands on them.

The deliveries go by without a hitch. A nobleman's servant receives a fancy coffee table for his master's household, a heavily pregnant woman answers the door for a crib, a tired-looking merchant waves me inside and has me unseal a whole set of kitchen furniture where his daughter has burned the old one down in an unsupervised cooking experiment.

After working through the list, I return to old man Konya's workshop and meet his wife in yard. She has loaded up a cart with smaller furniture: a stack of stools, another with chairs, two side tables and a chest filled with wooden toys.

"Shinobi-san!", the elderly woman exclaims when I touch down, "Fast as always, I see. Good, very good. Come here, darling, let me see you."

I comply, moving closer so that her squinting eyes could make me out clearly. With a wrinkly smile she takes my face into her hands and rubs her thumbs over my cheeks. Obviously, I don't preen under her attention- "My, such a pretty girl you are. If only my daughters had such pretty children."- and even if I did, who cares anyway?

Grinning at the compliment, I pull away and skip over to the store to take up the handle bars of the cart. "Are you ready to go, Hoshie-san?"

"Of course, my dear, I'm coming."

I enjoy the walk to the market, strolling along next to Hoshie-san and listening to her talk. The old woman likes to talk of her children and their families, but also humours me when I ask about her younger days, which are quite interesting, since she'd been driven from her home town when it was destroyed during the First Shinobi War. Not surprisingly, she doesn't have all that high an opinion of ninja, but curiously that doesn't quite connect to the Genin her husband hires. In fact, I'm sure she actually likes me. It's a foreign feeling, but welcome nonetheless.

Eventually, we reach the market. The sun has climbed high into the sky and I'd estimate that it took us about two hours to make the trip, which is around four time as long as I'd need if I were alone. But it is time well spent, well paid too, so I have no reason to lose my smile as I unload the cart on the spot Hoshie-san reserved for the day.

After setting up the stall, I approach the elderly woman with my mission scroll to sign. Before I can hand it over, though, Hoshie-san produces a wooden box from the toy chest and offers it to me. "Here, my dear, anata-san finished it just yesterday."

Stunned, I take the box and open it. Inside are simple, unadorned wooden building blocks arranged in neat rows. I take one out of order and rub my thumb over the smooth surface and the dulled edges. Looking up again, I watch Hoshie-san's eyes crinkle in a warm smile. "Thank you", I say, and mean it. It had only been last week when I asked for this commission. I didn't think it would be done so soon, let alone made by old man Konya himself. "Really, thank you. How much is it?"

"Oh no, my dear, it's nothing." I suppress my reflex to pull away when the old woman goes to pat my cheek. "But we were wondering, what this is for?"

"Ah, um, well", I fumble, "It's just a game. You build a tower out of he blocks and then you take turns with other players to take one of the lower blocks out of the tower and places it on top." Anxiously, I shift my weight, "Whoever causes the tower to collapse loses. It's about dexterity rather than strategy. I'm tired of constantly losing at shogi..."

"That sounds nice. Anata-san and I were thinking you asked for a younger sibling..." Her obvious attempt to fish for information is obvious, as have all others before been. Therefore, they are easy to avoid. I'm not even sure _why_ I deny the old couple any personal information -apart from them being my mission clients of course- but I've even held back on introducing myself by name. Luckily, Konya-san doesn't mind and his wife merely took it as a challenge.

"It's meant to be a party game, but you _could_ play it with children as well", I evade, "Anyway, could you sign off my mission, please?"

With it being barely past noon, I decide for another D-rank today. This time, I'm slated to clean a residence, which doesn't take up any time at all and finds me back at the mission office within an hour. When I get there, I'm not the only one to report a mission done.

Wearily, I approach the counter, keeping my distance from other team debriefing, while reporting my own task completed with no complications and hand over the signed mission scroll. I hope to be done and gone before the others are finished complaining over their nit-picky client. Luck isn't with me, however, and they turn to leave just as I'm passing them. And as I had suspected, they recognize me immediately.

"Who do we have here?", one of the three guys wonders. He's older than me, as everybody in the Corps is, about six or seven years, with brown hair and piercing green eyes. The other boy on his right is taller than him, which, in combination with his bulky shoulders and perpetual scowl, can be somewhat intimidating. I switch my gaze back to the green-eyed boy. "If it isn't the little prodigy."

"Thinking you're better than us, just because you graduated younger", the third, black-haired male of the trio sneers, "You still ended up here. That's worse than having to repeat the last year. The Jounin who tested you saw immediately that you're a hopeless case."

"I never claimed to be in any way superior to you", I defend myself, "That was your own assumption."

I don't even know their names, just that they were the ones to regularly take old man Konya's mission before me. They have been angry about me taking it from them, even though they were always complaining about it before. Honestly, I suspect that they might be jealous that I had the idea to use storage seals, but they would never admit such a thing. Instead they just pick on me whenever they see me.

"You think that you're smart, don't you? But you're no better than us. You're a failure of a ninja."

"Does that mean you're a failure as well? Since we're all in the Corps."

"You can act all high and mighty, but you're worse than us. At least we tried to get a Jounin-sensei. You came straight here."

Arguing with these people won't get me anywhere. They are not interested to talk, they just want to vent their anger. I rub my forehead. "Whatever. Keep telling yourself that." Then I turn away, aiming to leave through the tower rather than continue to fight with them just because they are between me and the courtyard.

"You little-", the big one growls behind me and then a hand lands on my shoulder. I don't even think about grabbing and twisting it to get it off. Something cracks in the wrist and the boy starts to howl like a wounded animal.

"What the fuck?!", one of his friends yells, the other one cursing up a storm and trying to calm the wailing teenager. I make my exit while they are distracted. There is not a shred of guilt over possibly having broken that guy's wrist just now. It was his own damn fault. Either way, I want to get away from the scene he's making as fast as possible, so I take to the roofs as soon as I'm out the Hokage tower's main entrance.

Mere minutes later, I drop into my alley and out of attention of anybody that might have been following me. I've previously observed that even if I'm being trailed, nobody ever blinks twice when I vanish under Itachi's genjutsu. The woman that sometimes followed me around would always jump past and only notice my disappearance a few roofs later, then look around shortly, before deciding what my most probable route would be and following that. Apparently she never realized that she always lost track of me around the same spot.

To this day, I have no idea what that was about but it showed me just how good Itachi's genjutsu really is. It makes me feel that much more comfy behind its curtain. I only wish I knew how he accomplished it. And maybe if there is any way to keep it up and running in the future. Just because the jutsu hasn't changed or faded yet doesn't mean it never will. I'm surprised that it still remains the same after more than a year. _I wonder if he used a physical seal as an anchor for the technique..._

Shaking off that thought, I make my way over to the source of the lively, high-pitched chatter emanating from the tail end of my alley. After the last incident with Doug Rattmann showed me that my two baby girls wouldn't leave their cage without prompting, no matter if they were able to or not, and that the mesh wasn't enough to keep the scoundrel out, I decided that they deserved to be treated as the loyal pets they are.

Saving the younger sister was touch and go for a few days, especially since all I knew of medical ninjutsu were the theoretical basics. So I did my best to clean and stitch up the wounds manually before trying to encourage the surrounding tissues to mend the injuries at an accelerated rate. I beat back infections and gangrene with brute force while she healed and, somehow, miraculously, she survived. I decided to call her Sosuli, because if she was going to be a pet she needed a name and she kind of looked the part with her sandy brown fur.

When Sosuli proved to be on her way to recovery, I mended the hole Rattmann had ripped into the mesh of the cage as well as I could. The regular door I left open, knowing that the sisters wouldn't try to run away. I arranged the smaller cages in a circle around the two large ones and opened up the other big enclosure. My last handful of useless volunteers met a quick end, so that only the sisters were left to roam the empty cages. Not that they did, seeing how they always stayed put in their own enclosure. Despite that, I made all of them more comfortable, spreading sand over the floors and covering the cages with tarps against the rain.

The reason why I went out of my way to create a den for just two rats to live in? Rattmann had left a present. A few weeks after the incident, Sosuli had birthed seven little ratlings. They were pink, ugly things and probably entirely useless, but it had been absolutely fascinating to watch them grow in their mother's womb. I had discovered the situation while tending to Sosuli's wounds and then spent hours of each day, just observing them grow with my chakra.

And Sosuli wasn't the only one. Her larger sister, Haisuli, as I've decided to name her, was also expecting. The difference in their pregnancies was staggering. Both were carrying a large set of pups, both were growing exceptionally fast, to the point of me actually watching them develop from cell clumps into foetuses. But where Sosuli's babies were born, Haisuli's continued to grow and grow and grow.

In the two weeks since Sosuli's litter and now, I observed as from the eight original pups in Haisuli's womb, three were cut off from the placenta, died and were reabsorbed. As fascinating as that was, I hope it doesn't happen again. Instead, I'd like to actually see them born. I don't want to see what happens when the babies get too big for their mother.

When I get to the cages, I am greeted with the snout of a curious little ratling poking out of the enclosure. Smiling, I crouch and bop its itty bitty nose with my finger. The baby rat squeaks excitedly and wriggles out of the cage to snuggle into the side of my hand. I'm not entirely sure as to why, but the babies have taken quite a liking to me.

They're now about as old as Sosuli and Haisuli were when I found them, around the same size as well, but they are just so docile in comparison. And, probably the strangest, they didn't fight me when I started training them with chakra manipulations yesterday. Instead they just remained calm and friendly when I switched my chakra from passive observant to active, which is entirely new. Usually it takes the volunteers a few tries to get used to the obviously foreign chakra in their system.

Maybe my constant monitoring during their growth has made them more used to outside influences, but I won't hold my breath on that explanation. Maybe it's just because they feel that safe and relaxed around me. There are lots of possible explanations and I currently have too much going on in my life as to run a proper series of tests.

No, this will be my pet project, in the sense that Sosuli and Haisuli are my pets and I'll contain myself to only observe and train them and do... pet stuff with them and their babies... instead of treating them as volunteers for my experiments. The only tampering I'll be doing is through training. _Rats are supposed to be smart, right? I bet I can teach them some tricks._

Settling the friendly ratling into my left palm, I draw back the tarp to look into the cage and see how everyone else is doing. All the other babies are with Sosuli who's nursing them, which isn't incredibly surprising, but should become a rare sight soon enough. When I look for Haisuli in the enclosure, though, I stumble. _Where is she?_ Reaching into the cage, I pat down the soft sand, trying to find a clue as to where she is hiding. And why she is hiding.

Straightening, I look over the rest of the cages, wondering if she actually left to make a den in one of them. _Only one way to find out._..

I move to the nearest smaller cage and draw back the tarp. Nothing. Same with the next one. As I move through the maze of cages, I call out softly, "Haisuli, where are you?" It's not like she or her sister are trained to respond to the question, but Haisuli had always been the smarter of the two. "Haisuli~"

The answering cheep sounds, unusually weak, from the second large enclosure in the alley, where I used to keep my males before they starved. Lifting the tarp over the cage I spot her, bulgingly large mother rat that she is. Haisuli only recently stopped growing, her adult size being only slightly smaller than that infernal Rattmann, but her pregnancy had made her twice as fat as him. She looks strangely diminished now, laying there panting while pushing out the third of her babies.

"Hello there", I say softly, reaching in to pet my oversized rat. Even weak and exhausted as she is, Haisuli presses her face against the palm of my hand. "There, there, you'll be done soon and then you can rest." She cheeps again and then her little beady eyes close in the effort to birth her offspring.

"Good girl... Now let me see those first two." I reach a little further into the cage and pluck out the two newly born rats, laying them next to Sosuli's child into my left palm. They protest to being lifted off the ground but settle down when they can snuggle up next to each other again. Even though the newborns can't be older than an hour or two at most, they are already larger than their cousin, the three of them crowding my hand so much that it's more comfortable to sit and keep them in my lap.

They wiggle around a bit, Haisuli's firstborns digging themselves into the crook of my knee while the older ratling investigates them curiously. I let them move around on their own for a bit, simply petting and observing them, then I pick one of the newborns up to investigate it more closely. The baby had been born with short, soft, dark brown fur, unlike Sosuli's offspring which was born naked, but its eyes and ears are closed and it seems just as helpless and weak as its cousins.

Flipping the baby over I tickle its stomach while determining that it's a girl and is not appreciating being manhandled like this. I comply with her insistent writhing and settle her in the crook of my arm and stroke her back a few times, giving her time to get comfortable. Then I close my eyes and send a tendril of chakra into the little being.

The ratling stills.

My chakra tendril has moved less than a centimetre into the baby before it is met with the animal's own chakra brushing up and against it.

Perplexed, I withdraw and open my eyes to watch the female on my arm liven up again. She pushes her snout against my arm, squeaking and cheeping pitifully. I nearly drop the animal when I can feel a poke of its chakra against my skin where its nose touches me.

 _What the hell?!_

Incredulously, I concentrate on the fleeting contact between her chakra and mine, but in the next moment the chakra she had gathered in her nose dispersed again.

The obvious thing to do is to investigate the anomaly further, so once again I gather chakra, check that I have rid it of all the personal signature and intent that I can, and send it into the small rodent.

Again, her reaction is immediate, if not quite as strong. The tiny rat's chakra meets mine shortly after I enter the unobtrusive tendril. She must be more than aware of the energies in her body if she can immediately identify a foreign intrusion after I've done my level best to make myself less noticeable.

More than a little intrigued, I push further with my tendril, up against the animalistic chakra. Fascinatingly it gave way, letting me further into the ratling's body. Sliding past the barrier just before it disperses, I get the feeling of a familiar greeting, of trust that I don't know I'd obtained in the short time I've handled the baby animal.

Filing that thought away for later, I take a look at the ratling's chakra system and don't know whether I should be surprised or not when I find that it's much more developed than it's cousin's. The pathways are all wide and filled with chakra that's eagerly flowing in pace with the baby's fluttering heart.

But rather unexpectedly, the chakra flow inside the coils is chaotic. They are flexible enough to accommodate the turbulent streams, but I'm surprised that the baby was able to gather chakra into an area at all, even if I acknowledged it as intelligent enough to do so. The problem that causes the erratic behaviour in the ratling's chakra is quickly determined, though there is little I can do to fix it.

Just like with Sosuli's offspring, this baby was born without tenketsu. I can feel the beginnings of the "chakra joints" around more than one intersection of pathways, but from experience it will be at least another week before the first tenketsu is formed.

I give the baby girl a more general check-over and note how its organism is comparable to Sosuli's babies right after birth, but in some aspects just so ridiculously more developed or just sheer _different_ that it's not even funny. For example, this little female had a much higher chakra saturation within the brain, even if the intricate web of pathways hasn't developed there yet. The brain itself is just slightly different than I'm used to in my rats. But like any other baby rat, the eyes, ears and nose are still closed so shortly after birth.

Stroking the little ratling with the back of my fingers, I decide that it would be a shame not to follow its development closely.

"Myy", I mumble at the newborn, "Your name will be Pikku Myy."

Then I pick up the other tiny, shivering baby rat, giving it a thorough examination as well. Just like Myy, this one has large pathways, home to chaotic, turbulent chakra, although this one doesn't seem to have such control over it yet. It is also a male rat.

"And you will be Nipsu. Myy and Nipsu, sister and brother and Haisuli's firstborns."

Tucking Nipsu into the crook of my elbow right next to his sister, I pet them both until they stop shivering so much, all the while tolerating their older cousin to worm its way under my shirt and snuggle up against my stomach.

I sit contentedly until, hours later, Haisuli sticks her muzzle out of the den she made for herself and her offspring. Sniffing the air tiredly, she approaches me and climbs into my lap in order to nose her sleeping babies. With a smile, I pat the mother rat and offer them to her. Haisuli leans into the touch, before picking Nipsu up by the scrap of his neck and scurrying back into the cage. Half a minute later, she comes back for Myy and I'm left only with the dozing child of Sosuli hidden away in the folds of my shirt.

After returning that one to its mother as well, I go home. The stars are out by the time I get to the flat, but I don't have it in me to regret spending this much time with the furry little creatures.

 **-o-**

The knock on the door is expected, really. Because _, why wouldn't Katai choose the crack of dawn to visit and make sure I'm not shirking my duties as a kunoichi or dying of chakra exhaustion?_ I get up from the old futon I bought off the grouchy landlord when she demanded I _"get some proper furniture! Or are you a hobo squatting in my apartment?!"_ and stretch languidly.

Out in the hallway, I turn towards the living room and its giant windows to estimate the time. Which is hard, because the sun isn't even up yet. _Heavens above, what does she want now?_

In the Before, I might have yawned and slouched my way to the door, but now I merely sigh and go to open.

"About time", the abrasive veteran kunoichi greets when I open, as always pushing her way inside without actually invading my space enough to make me twitchy. It's an art, she has down to a dot, a balancing act between not letting your opponent get a word in edgewise and also not crowding them. But rather useless an art, if you ask me. Though it might be advantageous in an interrogation...

 _No, focus, brain, focus!_

"To what do I owe the pleasure?", I ask while closing the door behind my rude guest.

"I bet you didn't eat anything before hauling your skinny ass back here yesterday. Again. So I came to make sure you won't starve out of idiocy." With a sharp gaze she scans me up and down. I roll my eyes in response.

"Even if it's true, there is a fridge and a kitchen in this apartment for a reason."

Katai snorts, "You're long out of groceries. I haven't seen you with a shopping bag in weeks."

I shoot her a narrow-eyed look, but she waves off my annoyance, entirely unrepentant. "Storage seals are a thing, you know. People use them. Me included."

"So I've heard. Mind telling me where you got that scroll? Hm?"

My stomach drops ever so slightly. _People talk about me? And she listens?_ "No way", I deny, turning around to go to the kitchen and set some water boiling for tea, "You snoop into my life too much as it is, no need for me to encourage you."

"I'll find out one way or another", the grouch says without raising her voice even though I've left the room, obviously she knows I can hear her perfectly well despite.

"What did you say?", I call over my shoulder and get no response except for a snort.

Deliberately dallying on preparing the two large mugs of tea, I imagine Katai rummaging around the barren living room without finding anything. _I wasn't born yesterday, thank you very much._ Of course I haven't caught her doing it yet, but I wouldn't put it past her.

When I get back into the room, she sits in the chair she always occupies, leaning heavily on the back rest with no indication that she was up and snooping about. I set the short, round mug down in front of her, taking the taller one for myself before taking my place on the second chair at my table.

"You've got a third chair somewhere around here, right?", Katai asks while curiously glancing around as if she doesn't know I don't.

"No. Why?"

"Well-", she drawls before being interrupted by a knock on the front door. I pin her with an unamused look, silently demanding an explanation. The old Nara grins slowly, standing up. "The brat asked me to make sure you don't leave before he can visit for breakfast. Seeing as you don't have a third chair, I see myself forced to leave you to your reunion. What a shame."

With that deadpan explanation done, Katai lumbers to the door and lets in Benjiro as if she owns the place, which, okay, is true, but also very rude and annoying. The boy only gets a grunt in answer to his chipper greeting before the grouch disappears outside. No matter how much the older woman takes unwanted interest in me, she seems to despise any and all other children, my friend being the prime example.

"Hikari!", Benjiro calls out happily after closing the door and spotting me in the hallway.

" _Ben Ten_ ," I smile, "How was the mission?"

"Really good! I can tell you everything, but we should sit down, I brought breakfast!" Bustling into the living room, he hefts a familiar floral printed bag onto my table and reveals the giant bento box/picnic basket I've come to appreciate. Since the two tea mugs are still untouched, I don't bother to get anything else to drink, sitting down with him instead.

Looking up at him, I can't help but pause and stare at Benjiro for a moment. He's all but vibrating in his seat, excitement so obvious that even a blind man could see it. In that moment, Benjiro couldn't look less than a Nara if he tried, his usual efforts to keep up the unbothered facade pushed aside and forgotten.

"Why are you so happy?"

"Why, what are you talking about?", he asks innocently, except for the huge grin splitting his face. Not bothering with a comment on that, I raise an eyebrow, which is all Ben Ten needs to launch into a detailed report of his two weeks outside of Konoha.

While he is running his mouth dry, I start in on the luscious contents of the bento. In retrospect, I shouldn't have been surprised that the experience has left him excited. Like most of Konoha's residents, Benjiro has never left the village before his first C-rank and he has something to say on absolutely everything new he saw while gone. Given that he is one smart cookie who prides himself on his attentiveness and situational awareness, he has a lot to share.

It's kind of sweet how into detail he goes, describing people, objects and infrastructure of the Fire capitol his team apparently picked up their client from, making it easy to imagine them. Almost as if he wants to share the experience with me. With a growing smile, I throw in a comment here and there and rile him up into more and more extravagant tales of how their team scared off some bandits, which ends in side-stitching laughter for both of us.

After we calm ourselves again and Ben Ten finally starts eating, he falls back into his usual relaxed demeanour, though his eyes are still wide and happy, creased by his smaller grin.

"Honestly, nothing much happened after that. We were back at the gate two days later and brought the client all the way to his doorstep. It wasn't really needed, but after sticking with him for almost two weeks, that half an hour didn't make much of a difference."

Benjiro takes a bite of a bean-filled onigiri and chews with a far-away look, his grin making place into a stupid little smile. A tad weirded out, I wait silently for him to share the reason for his dreamy expression. When he finally gets ahold of himself, his eyes lock onto mine. "Hikari, you have to help me", he demands.

Both my eyebrows rise and I'm a bit caught off guard by that switch in tone.

"I mean, you're a girl, right?"

"No really?" I roll my eyes. "I hadn't noticed."

Benjiro rolls his eyes as well, as usual unimpressed by my sarcasm. "The client's daughter came out to welcome us back and", at that point his cheeks gain a little colour, "to thank us for protecting him. And she- She, uh, winked at me. And smiled."

 _Oh, wow, that came out of nowhere._ Watching Benjiro stammer and blush and smile like and idiot, I can't help but be amused at his behaviour. "So you like her?", I ask. He nods enthusiastically.

"She is so pretty, Hikari, I don't even know how to describe it! She has this beautifully long hair, and it's so straight and shiny. And her face is so- so... pretty. And she has these eyes..."

"Eloquent."

"Oh, come on", he snaps, growing a deeper shade of red and shifting a tad embarrassed, "Get off your high horse and tell me what to do. I mean, what do girls like? How do I make her like me?" His expression is both fed up and pleading, which mixed about as well as one might expect. I can't help but laugh at his plight.

"So you ask me because I'm a girl? Wow, just wow..."

"I ask you because you're a girl and my friend. And you won't laugh at me...", trailing off he looks at my grin uncertainly, "more than you already did. Come on, please help me. Sensei already lectured me on not trying anything with a civilian, you know how she is..."

I don't, actually, know what he's talking about, but I decide against pointing that out in face of my friend's plight.

"And Michiro would never help me after Sensei said to leave it alone. So you're my only hope for help."

"Yeah, okay, fine, I'll help you", I allow with a grin, watching Benjiro's exaggerated relief with a grin, "So, what do you know of her?"

He sags slightly before admitting, "Absolutely nothing."

"Weeell", I drawl, surveying the reduced contents of the breakfast bento, "Then it's time for some recon, isn't it?" At his questioning look, I wink. "We _are_ ninja, no need to go blindly into this. Let's figure out what she does, her likes, dislikes, you know the drill. Then we can get you up to snuff and maybe she'll go on a date with you."

Benjiro's grin is a thing of beauty and he pulls me into a short, one-armed hug before jumping to his feet and gathering the bento up. "Oh, oba-san says that you can keep the box here until the leftovers are gone. Just bring it over when it's empty."

"That's nice of your aunt, but, _Ben Ten_ , I don't even know where you live."

That stops the boy on the way to the kitchen to shove the hastily assembled box into my fridge. "You don't?", he asks, "Uh, then I guess, I'll pick it up sometime." Shaking my head at his blatant evasion, I take the empty mugs to the sink and go get ready for the day while Benjiro waits in front of my closed bedroom door, regaling me with dreamy and not all that brilliantly worded descriptions on the girl he has a crush on.

"Do you even know her name?", I ask while attaching my hip and thigh holsters. Then I open the door to see him smiling like an absolute idiot.

"It's Shiori. Ida Shiori. A beautiful name, fitting for a girl that looks like a poem."

I try not to roll my eyes too hard in fear that they might get stuck in my head. _Teenagers._

 **-o-**

"Ah, Maito-san", I call when I see the man's signature bowl cut bobbing over the crowd, "Could you please wait a moment?"

"Why, Of Course!", he bellows and the bob stops bobbing. I weave through the throng of people while he turns around and strikes a pose, his grin blindingly wide. Suddenly, it's much easier to reach him, what with the wide berth people give "that crazy ninja". Snickering and wondering whether or not that was intentional on his part, I walk up to him with a little wave.

Gai had trained me whenever he had time over my last year at the Academy, always happy to help me along even if I was not always all that appreciative of it. It's in large part thanks to him that I'm able to still keep up with Benjiro. Ever since graduation there hadn't been any opportunity to train with him, what with all the D-ranks I was constantly busy with and him being out of the village as well. Now, however, I have a favour to ask him.

"Hello, Maito-san. How are you?"

"I Am Well And Delighted To See Such A Beautiful Blossom Of Konoha In The Springtime Of Her YOUTH!", he cries enthusiastically, giving me a thumbs up.

"Neat. So, I've been wondering if I, um, could train with you-" Waiting out his delighted cry of "YOSH, OF COURSE!", I continue, "-and if you would maybe sponsor a team of Genin for the next Chuunin exams?"

Gai stills, seeming to think on it. "You know the minimum requirements to participate?", he then asks in a more serious tone. I nod. To take part in the Chuunin Exams a Genin has to have at least two successful C-ranks or one successful higher ranked mission under their belt, and I'd have to find two other Genin to form a team with since Konoha exclusively sends three man cells into those exams. "Then I Could Not Be Happier To See Konoha's Beauty Blossom Under My Care!"

With a smile, I give him my honest thanks.

"WE SHOULD START TRAINING RIGHT AWAY!"

I balk, but resistance is futile when it comes to Gai and training.

 **-Omake-**

"-so consider carefully if you want to be associated with that person or not." At his growled warning, the cowering man nods frantically. Considering his work to be done, he leaps up and into the shadows of the evening to watch the civilian hastening out of the dark alley he had bullied him into with his tail tucked between his legs. Figuratively speaking.

Satisfied with a job well done, Kakashi jumps across the rooftops towards the true victim of his vengeance. And not too late to miss the fruits of his labour pay off. That despicable woman, confronted by a workplace associated, who apparently got cold feet and would rather discontinue any form of contact outside of work.

 _However might that have happened?_ , he wonders with vicious satisfaction, _It seems as if it's not an isolated incident either. Truly curious._ He also has a vague suspicion that the woman might be fired from her current job soon. And that would be the second time in as many months. _Absolutely tragic._ _Especially after landlord cut ties with her._

Of course, his shenanigans hadn't gone unnoticed, but he had been able to keep the suspicions off himself so far. Even if TI is searching for a foreign saboteur unsettling the civilians now, that's hardly his problem, now is it?

Sparing a glance at his side, Kakashi finds Shiba watching him with shrewd eyes. Urushi, in contrast, is watching the confrontation below with a vicious grin full of pointy teeth. The two were the only ones from the pack up to another nightly outing after the harsh training of the day. It's obvious that his most aggressive ninken enjoys the chance to destroy that woman's life as much -and probably more, to be honest- as he himself, but Shiba, like the rest of the pack, has somewhat tired of messing with the civilian from the shadows. He came for a different reason.

"What?", Kakashi demands from the ninken. Shiba tilts his head slightly, shifts his posture so that it's not facing Kakashi directly.

"Do you think that, just maybe", the dog begins, pausing to lick his chops, "you should stop creeping around the woman and go talk to your pup?"

Underneath his mask Kakashi scowls. He turns away, back to the drama below. That vile creature is demanding answers and not getting any. It's an easy distraction. He hates it when the pack calls Hikari his pup, but it would be void to argue against it by now with how he is acting.

It's not that she is his daughter, Kakashi reasons, he just can't stand the thought of her being abused like that by her own-... _It's just_ wrong _, even when she isn't my-_

If he were honest with himself, Kakashi knows that he wouldn't care about just any child being mistreated. Hikari isn't just _anybody_ to him. Not his daughter, obviously, no matter what the dogs say, because that's just ridiculous and not true, but he doesn't want her to suffer needlessly.

Shaking his head, Kakashi pulls himself out of his thoughts. "I think it's time for another mission. A nice, long hunt would be good right about now."

Urushi growls in unworded approval of that idea, still watching the exchange between the civilians attentively, but Shiba doesn't take his eyes off Kakashi. It's like he can look right through him. Sometimes Kakashi wishes he hadn't trained his pack to be as perceptive as they are.

"Back home then and off to bed. Chop chop!", he orders cheerfully, dashing away, safe in the knowledge that his ninken would follow. He is still their leader after all.

 **-Second Omake-**

Hikari is singing as she walks off the training ground. She does that sometimes when she thinks nobody is around, or when she gets lost in thought. Benjiro likes to listen to it, so he follows her in the treetops as to not disturb her.

They had just finished their spar at the end of a day of training together, after which she confessed to still having some responsibilities to take care of before evening comes. The suggestion to call it a day then had been convenient for his as well, seeing as he has a date with his girlfriend later.

The thought alone brings an excited smile to his face. Shiori is the most wonderful girl he has ever met and he is so very happy that she would ever even consider him worth her time. They would go to a traditional tea house at the river today, he had made a reservation yesterday, and maybe even hold hands!

And it wouldn't have been possible without Hikari. He would have done something stupid, or said the wrong thing, or not found the courage to ask Shiori out. No, Hikari is a friend. A good one.

He has to take care in tailing her, as well, because she is also one hell of a good Genin. With her good hearing she has caught him trying to sneak up to her more than once and he has a suspicion that if she ever got to training that nose of hers, she could become a real pain to surprise. Hopefully her Sensei takes time to see her talents and resources.

Benjiro's Sensei, as competent as she is, only ever trains her students as a comprehensive team after the tried and true Ino-Shika-Cho formula. Which is more than frustrating, because he isn't that interested in capture and reconnaissance. The Nara in that configuration is always support, either for the Yamanaka to take care of their body when they use their clan techniques, or for the Akimichi to hold the victim in place because their attacks, while devastating, are easily dodged.

And Benjiro would much rather achieve his own victories, playing second fiddle to someone else continues to grate on his ego. The Chuunin exams can't come fast enough. Until then he'll have to pursue his actual interests in his own time.

Down below, Hikari's song is picking up speed and enthusiasm. She always sings melodies he's never heard before. Granted, he hasn't heard many people singing other than her, but the few singers he's found vocalised slower, simpler melodies. And they usually sang in a way that he could make out the meaning of the song. Not so Hikari. She always sings in a weird, jumbled and mostly unrecognisable way. Ever since he's first heard her sing, he's wondered about the apparent nonsense she spouts. But the more often he hears it, the surer he is that there is some sort of pattern to it, he just can't discern it. Like a code.

 _A spoken code..._

The thought keeps bouncing around his head and suddenly very antsy, he jumps away, rushing home to ask the prime source of information at his fingertips: His aunt. He barges into the house, evades his father without second thought and finds his aunt in her study.

"Hey oba-san", he pants, not waiting for her response before voicing his inquiry. She listens with an amused kind of smirk, and when he's done, gives him her best explanation. Which is "I have no idea what you are talking about, but if you want to learn about other kinds of coded communication, you should ask Noriko-san. She works at Cryptography."

With a hasty thanks, he takes his leave and quickly calculates the time remaining until his date with Shiori. Determining that it'll be enough, he is off to search for his clansman. He can count himself lucky that many village-bound Nara stick to very predictable schedules. Or, more accurately, predictable if you know what to expect. He finds the woman his aunt recommended in a bakery that lays between the RD headquarters (which also houses the Cryptography department), and the clan compound.

Nara Noriko sighs deeply before accepting her fate and listening to his enquiry about coded spoken language. "There are ways to talk with two meanings or key phrases, obviously, but auditory code in form of talking is not very common. The only thing I know that comes close to what you describe is a pair of brothers in our department whose parents immigrated from the Land of Marsh. The peasants there have a different way of talking, completely different from the Elemental Nations. And I'm not saying they talk in a dialect or something, I say _completely_ different. They would always chatter amongst themselves and none of us managed to find the trick behind it. Real useful during the war, obviously. Were captured, though. Iwa knew of them. Only one could be rescued..."

Awkwardly, Benjiro shifts his weight. "Could you give me the name?"

"Yeah, it's Koki Tetsuya and now scram."

Finding Koki Tetsuya turned out to be quite the task. The man had retired over a decade ago and lived in complete isolation right next to the wall. Getting him to agree to teach Benjiro was only possible through bribery and not a little bit of flattery. Somehow, Benjiro managed to get a promise for lessons though, twice a week, if he could manage that.

The price was him being late for his date and Shiori being appropriately outraged. "You were with that girl you keep talking about, weren't you?! That Himari, or whatever her name is!"

"No, I wasn't- I mean, yes", at that point Shiori gasps and Benjiro panics, "I was training with her today but that wasn't the reason for me being late, I promise!", he tries to frantically placate the girl that seems at the edge of tears, "It's a new discipline I just found a teacher for. A different language."

Seeing as the girl calms a little at that explanation, he thinks of something that might help turn this conversation around. "I simply ran out of words to tell you how beautiful you are", he says with a smile, taking her hands in his. Hikari told him that girls like that kind of thing, especially when paired with compliments. He tries to ignore the mention of "airheads" as he looks into Shiori's beautifully green, shiny eyes, "So I have to learn a whole new set of them just to manage that."

The effort earns him a smile that makes his stomach flutter in giddy happiness. "Oh, you are sweet, Benjiro-kun", she squeezes his hands with sends a wave of warmth up his arms, "I'm just worried that she might not be happy if you spend time with me instead of her. She might do something mean."

"Hikari-chan wouldn't-" Benjiro's words are cut off when Shiori abruptly pulls her hands out of his.

"No, Benjiro-kun", she hisses, "I know girls like her. They will do anything to get your attention."

"But you don't even know-"

"I know the type and that's enough. Just you watch. She'll get jealous when you spend more time with me. And then she'll try to take you away from me and I can't- I don't want that to-" With a sob, Shiori's rant cuts off.

The Nara's stomach sinks and he takes up the hand she isn't holding in front of her mouth to stifle any further crying. "I wouldn't let that happen, Shiori-chan. If Hikari tries anything like that, I will stop it. I promise. You don't have to cry." It's an easy promise for him to make because Hikari is his friend and she wouldn't be jealous of his happiness. She even helped him into this relationship. But he doesn't say that, because obviously it distressed his wonderful Shiori and he doesn't want to see her cry for real. He's just happy that there aren't any tears yet.

"Do you maybe want to go to the tea house now? I booked a ceremony for us." Smiling uncertainly, he seeks eye contact with his girlfriend and after a moment, she does look up to him.

"I'd like that", she whispers with a small smile.

"I can carry you there, if you want me to", he offers, a little more confident. Her smile widens considerably, a sparkle of excitement entering her eyes.

"That would be so wonderful", she admits dreamily. And so he picks her up carefully and rushes with her over the rooftops, ignoring the many eye rolls he gets treated to from his fellow shinobi. Shiori's delighted giggle makes it all worth it.

 **-Third Omake** (because, why not?)

"Does she now?", she asks rhetorically, not questioning her source's information but digging for more anyway.

"Apparently", her informant shrugs, picking up his cup of sake and downing it, seemingly bored out of his mind. She can relate, but at least she got herself a hobby. "Gai hasn't shut up about it, says it'll make a good argument for the Hokage to finally grant him his own team of brats."

She raises an eyebrow. "He _says_?", she prompts. Her counterpart snorts, refilling his cup.

"I overheard him bothering Hatake in the Jounin lounge. That one's been especially moody lately, did you know? I'd avoid him if possible."

Waving away the warning, she presses for more pertinent gossip. "I don't care about Hatake. Give me more on the girl!"

"You're awfully interested in that girl. I haven't seen you this bothered about a kid since your nephew eloped with that civilian chick." For that comment, he gets punched in the shoulder.

Sure, that good-for-nothing spineless bastard came back after a few pointed threats were made, but that absolute brat still broke her sister's heart. _Fucking children._

"She's one of my tenants. If she starts getting an attitude, I want to know in advance so that I can throw her out."

"Tch. No wonder nobody stands being around you", her informant grumbles.

"I don't care." Smacking him again for good measure, she drops some notes on the bar before standing. "Have fun drinking your brain away."

"Get lost, witch."

Leaving the bar, she turns the new information over in her head. It's good that the girl is already working towards a promotion. It also fits neatly into the picture she had of the mature beyond her years child. Hardworking, that one, takes no shit. She can appreciate that. But even if the girl has a Jounin sponsor, there is no way she can meet the requirements in time for the next exam. Or rather, the one after the next, since the candidates for the next exam have already headed off to Suna.

Maybe one could help her along, though. Just so that she can finally get the full rent from the child.

With that thought she starts walking with purpose, steadfastly ignoring her stinging leg. The fucking stump hasn't seen this much exercise in years and just about rubbed raw thanks to the cracked socket of the prosthesis. Girl better appreciate the effort she's going through to help her.

Climbing the walls of the stairwell instead of bothering with the stairs, she gets up to the fourth floor of the building and soon enough stands in front of an apartment she hasn't been to in half a decade.

She doesn't even need to knock before the door is pulled open. In front of her stands a shinobi in the standard Konoha Chuunin uniform, taller than her own slumped self, with salt and pepper hair and furrowed brow.

"Jiro-san, good to see you."

"It's been a while, Katai-san", he looks her over critically then, before gesturing for her to enter, "I was on my way to the tower, but I have some leeway. Come in."

It isn't a question, but then that's why the Nara woman used to appreciate him so much. Sitting at his table, she makes sure to take her weight off the crippled leg, before getting right to the heart of her visit. "I want you to do me a favour."

"That's what I presumed", he allows, setting a glass of water down in front of her and sitting as well.

"You're still running border patrol missions, right?" That's how they met all those years ago, when she had been assigned as Jounin leader of an endangered patrol strip. She had been freshly promoted back then and assigned to a well-functioning unit that had been working together for years. "You and those three Genin?"

"We are still running border patrol, yes, but Keita has retired a few years back. I guess this has to do with the favour?"

"So you're hurting for another Genin to fill the spot?", she asks instead of answering directly.

Jiro sighs and shakes his head. "Since we have a good track record, Hokage-sama has allowed us to work in a three-man cell. But you would like me to take on a new Genin then?"

"If you don't mind."

He grunts, "Don't get me wrong. I mind. It's only another couple of months until we can get a full pension. Training up a newbie will be a pain in the ass. But I'll do it."

"Out of the goodness of your heart?"

"To settle an old debt."

Nara Katai rolls her eyes, ignoring his gaze trailing to where her prosthesis would be under the desk. "Stop that. That debt has already been repaid."

"That debt will never be repaid, Katai-san."

"Tch, whatever makes your boat float. The Genin I want you to take on goes by Hikari, no family name. She's in the Corps."

Getting up, Katai looks down at her old comrade who nods. "We go out drinking after every mission, you should come along sometime. I'm sure the others would be happy to see you again."

"No they wouldn't", she grumbles and lumbers to the door, cursing her crippled leg. Sure, it's useful to guilt-trip people into doing shit for her, but she hates it nonetheless. Jiro is at the door in a flash, opening it for her as if she isn't able to do it herself.

"Bye", she growls.

"I hope to see you again soon."

Unlikely, she thinks, but doesn't say.


	20. New relations

AN: Moi, everyone! Peruna here. So, it's been a while, has it? You can all thank _TheCaildron_ for giving me the kick in the butt I needed to finally finish this. Honestly, I forgot even which Omakes I wanted to write for this chapter, i was so distracted by everything going on right now.

But anyway, once again thank you _all_ for beong a wonderful and supportive audience! I can't believe how lucky I am to have such an active readership. Your reviews are wonderful, I read each and every one of them! And while I try to improve myself, it might take a while for bad habits to die, so bear with me alright? Talking to you _**Smiling Seshat**_ and _**Mysana**_ , thank the both of you for your advice on dialogue structure.

To _**iluvfairytail**_ : Hah, you seem pretty sure that Shiori won't be a long-running character. How come? :P

To _ **Bisque-Ware**_ : Not everyone you don't like is a spy xD Thank you for the sentiment, though.

To _**Cisk Kazzarch**_ : Weird, what a coincidence! I'm a fan of hard magic, so that's what I want to do in this ff as well. Set up rules and concepts I use later beforehand.

To _**Bloody-Asphode11**_ : Ahahahaha! The _unmother_! That is the best descriptor I've seen yet! Ha, thank you for that!

To _**SamsaraMorningstar**_ : Hm, interesting. Most people seem to like Katai, but you're right in her making Hikari quite uncomfortable.

To _**BabyFUG**_ : Surprisingly, no. The rats aren't usually hard to write, though I do have to put some thought into what to include and what not.

To _**The Violet Imagination**_ : Nope, I don't have a thing for rats, but Hikari does and they're kinda useful.

To _**calcu22**_ : Shiori is actually 14, but Benjiro wooed her with his adult mien and good looks ;) Sadly, she has insecurities like so many teenage girls have. And you know how it is with teenage girls and romance: Drama ahoi!

To _**hayatin**_ : Thank you, once again, for your kind words. I originally wanted to make this story all about realistic character emotion and development, it's a great compliment for you to pinpoint that exactly.

To _**Knaruto**_ : Funnily enough a three letter combination might be used in several languages. I, personally, always find it funny to read the Japanese name Kana, because my association with that is a chicken.

To _**Dalilt**_ : Good questions! First, Rattmann is the offspring of Lizzy and that other lab rat that survived the experiment and escaped. Lizzy herself died after birth which is why Rattmann is the only random giant rat running around. Second, yes a tracking specialized Inuzuka and partner familiar with Kakashi's scent _could_ draw the connection between him and Hikari. Also, your comment sparked an idea that has since grown and been incorporated into my worldbuilding for this fic. Thank you!

To _**Anja.Nuehm**_ : Well, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter's Omakes again. And I'm afraid Hikari's very own fan club will make a reappearance in future chapters as well.

To _**Long Road To Nowhere**_ : Hoo, you give some really good points. Alright. I left it intentionally vague whether Hikari feels like a child or not, that's because she doesn't think about it. But to give an answer: No, she feels an adult and sees Benjiro as a friend she depends on, yes, but not a potential lover on account of him still being and acting like a child. On the Genin Corps, there are three usually prominent difficulties that Hikari is on the fast track to skip. One, the matter of mission requirements, because C-ranks pay well and are more prestigeous only older members of the Corps usually get them. A few years of D-ranks are a must. Two, the matter of training, because training on your own to get to Chuunin level is incredibly hard unless you're very talented. Hikari has Gai training her whenever he can and she has a natural affinity towards everything with chakra, so she's got a leg up there. Thirdly, getting a Jounin to risk his own good reputation for a bunch of career Genin he has no connection with. That needs no further explanation, does it?

To _**Western Bird**_ : Ha! Itachi returning to a hidden rat kingdom would be hilarious, I'm almost tempted to write that xD

To _Miguel_ : I know how you feel, but it woild be a bit boring if everybody interpreted the character in exactly the same way, no?

 **I do not own Naruto.**

 **20**

Blocking the tail whipping towards my head with a kunai, I stagger back from the force behind it. It's like an iron club smashing against the sharpened, but feeble in comparison, edge of the weapon. Pushing against the tail to create an opening, I dart forward, but the lizard has long since wizened up to my tactics and used the momentum to pivot out of my immediate reach.

The tail draws back a second time and I can see the moment Mushu hardens his scales with chakra before he whips the appendage towards my knees. I jump forward, over the attack, ready to land and stab my blade into his back. He's not fast enough to evade but it doesn't matter either way, because the kunai cracks and shatters against his natural, chakra enhanced armour.

"Shit", I curse, ready to jump away, but my summon takes the opportunity to slam his tail into the ground and cause a minor, very localized, earthquake. Instead of leaping to a safe distance, I fall and only manage to slide a couple of metres away. Before I can do much more than put my palms on the ground for better leverage, I feel Mushu's teeth scraping against the skin of my ankle. I look down to the frightening sight of the three-metre long reptile biting my leg.

"I give, you win." My call is a little nervous, but the monitor lizard pulls back immediately. There is a ripping sound when he opens his jaws wide and dislodges serrated teeth from my clothing. I sigh. Not that it's a surprise, really, but sparring and training with Mushu always ends with my equipment getting mangled.

Sitting up, I roll my eyes at his smug grin. "Good job, you've really improved since we first started this." He can't help the satisfied hiss that escapes him even if he never ceases to try. It's like a cat's purring, though Mushu's indignant expression every time it happens is just gold. Makes me smile in return. "I didn't know you could harden your scales enough to shatter metal. Is that a new development or have you been holding back?"

"It's new", he preens, "Making my chakra more like a stone helped a lot."

"Huh." Last time we trained, I had asked Mushu about elemental chakra and whether the clan uses it. He hadn't known anything about it, but was keenly interested in the information. Apparently he's been practising since then. "That's amazing, Mushu! You figured out your affinity all on your own?"

In response he rolls his eyes, a move he most definitely copied from me. "I am of the Rock family, it was obvious that rock would be my element."

"I thought monitors don't care about family."

"We don't care about parents or siblings. But we know our kin. It's how we live. Rocks live on the rocks, Gojiras live in the water, Dragons live in the hills. You have to know your place or you'll be eaten by lizards that know theirs."

"That's... interesting, I guess. So what families do the small monitors have?"

Mushu scoffs, "They have no families, they are too weak to distinguish themselves. They're all either gossips or cowards."

"Think you could get one of them to work with me?" At the incredulous expression on the lizard's face, I sigh. "Mushu, you're turning into a real tank when fighting, but you suck at stealth. You can't climb _anything_ without making a racket and you're too big to easily sneak into secured areas. Not to mention, you're way too gung-ho if there's a fight to be had. I need someone smart, fast and easily overlooked to scout ahead if I ever get a sensitive mission."

"None of these midgets are smart. You've seen that idiot I ate when you first came to our realm. They're all like that!" Mushu sounds incredibly bothered at even the suggestion of me training up another lizard, even if it is for a completely different task. It's kind of ridiculous, really, but then I haven't really come to understand all of his thought processes. Or even half of them.

"I'm sure you will find a way to select someone intelligent enough for my purposes. They will have to be fluent speakers as well, so don't forget. Next time I summon you, there better be someone I can work with tagging along", I order sternly, feeling vaguely like a mother chastising her child, "The deal is the same for them as for you: Food in exchange for service. I'm sure there will be enough volunteers."

Mushu makes a big show of snarling and being upset, but I wait it out until he nods begrudgingly and accept his change of subject when he inquires, "And where's my reward for training today? You said I would get something better than rat today, but that's all I taste!"

Tilting my head, I peer at my summon, "I _did_ get you a cut of pork to celebrate the progress we made. It's sealed away that's why you can't smell it. But you say you can smell rat?"

"Yes, in that bush over there", he grumbles, jerking his head to the edge of the clearing, "I thought you hid it so I won't get distracted, but if it's not yours...?" Suddenly turning, he rushes off in full hunting mode.

"Hey! Wait a second!", I yell and lurch forward to catch him by the tail. Rough as stone skin tears at my palms. With no sign of Mushu stopping his charge, I grit my teeth and fasten my grip with chakra strengthened muscles. There is a moment of tearing pain, my arms screaming and my hands burning as I halt the overgrown lizard in its tracks.

A shudder runs through the reptiles body before a terrifying snarl sounds from the head. Mushu digs his claws into the dirt and tries to pull himself forward, but I can dig my feet in just as well and stop the advance.

"I'm sorry to tell you this", I growl through gritted teeth, "But you have to obey me. When I say "Don't do that", you have to listen to me!"

He only snarls louder, hissing and spitting, before twisting his torso to turn a burning gaze on me. "Humans should not interfere when monitors hunt! Prey cannot stop the predator!"

"I. Am not. Prey!" With a great heave and no little chakra flooding my muscles, I twist around and throw the heavy beast over my shoulder. He lands awkwardly on his back, hissing and flailing his limbs wildly. It only lasts a second before he uses his tail to push himself over again.

My narrowed eyes set on his livid stare, holding his gaze hostage and matching snarl for snarl. Mushu takes a threatening step forward and I do my best to loom over him. When that doesn't work to intimidate him, I flash forward, reducing the distance between us from five metres to two. The sudden movement startles the lizard and he flinches backward, his eyes, one of his few weak points, close on instinct and his head lowers to a position more protective of the throat. His reflexive response leaves him in a submissive position and both of us know it.

"That's right."

He snarls. I take a step forward. He turns his head away, watching me from the corner of his eye.

"If I wanted to, I could beat you", I remind him. Unsurprisingly, he doesn't respond. Heaving a sigh, I step back and force myself to relax. "I won't of course", I admit, ruffling my hair in agitation, "We're partners and I would regret having to hurt you. But there are rules. They're for your benefit, too, you know?"

Mushu hisses quietly, slowly lowering himself to the ground, his head still averted, but gaze locked on me.

"Yeah, they are. Believe it or not, I know my way around the human realm better than you do. Imagine if I had enemies that knew of you and your tendency to chase after and eat everything that moves. They could use that to lay a trap, or poison you, or just to draw you away from me. I have the overview of the whole situation, that's why I call the shots, alright?"

He doesn't respond verbally, but seems to relax a little, letting out a breath he held and shifting his position to get more comfortable. I sit down as well, across from him with some space between us. For a while we are silent, until Mushu breaks it. "There is no trap here, though. Right?"

"Probably not, no."

"Then why did you stop me?"

In response, I look over to the bush he had located initially. "Myy, Nipsu! Come here!"

Somehow, I'm not surprised when the two juvenile rats slink out of the undergrowth and carefully approach me, their gazes wandering to Mushu in a show of nerves. About a month old now, they are large as rabbits and not done growing yet. I have no idea how large they will end up being, but at the rate they are going they might give Pakkun a run for his money. But what is more interesting than their abnormally massive size is their intelligence.

The siblings learn with speed and understanding that is sometimes frightening. Their brains -and, to be fair, the brains of the rest of Haisuli's litter- are not only abnormally large and convoluted, like their mother's, but also differently structured. But here's the really crazy thing: Myy and Nipsu are _even_ weirder when it comes to brain activity. While most of the Cerebellum, Occipital Lobe and Parietal Lobe are almost identical to those of their siblings', areas of the Frontal and Temporal Lobe are just so much more _pack_ _ed_ with neurons interweaving in a mess of dendrites and synapses. Especially in what I would assume to be Wernicke's Area in a human brain, but that's a comparison I'd rather not draw, especially since I had barely retained my knowledge of the human brain past the exams in the Before and the medical texts in the public library don't go into depth on the topic.

Since the only major difference between them and the rest of the litter is the time I spent with Myy and Nipsu every day, I presume that the anomaly is based around that, which got me thinking that Haisuli's litter is, or _was_ , probably, incredibly sensitive to the experiences they got in the early days of their life. And since I stole Myy and Nipsu away from their mother and siblings for hours on end every day to play and spend time with them -because _yes_ , I am not immune to the appeal of cute baby animals- that must have impacted their development.

They are incredibly smart in ways their littermates can't hold a candle to. They solve complex tasks in a quarter of the time that the other large ratlings need and they don't need to be motivated to do them with food or treats, since they seem to enjoy the exercise itself more than enough. And they are so much faster at understanding new commands, or at learning tricks like walking on their hind legs or balancing a marble on their nose.

And most obvious of all, both Myy and Nipsu are much more responsive to my body language and inflections, which is why they are crawling up to me like chastised children right now. It's freaky sometimes, how many emotions they seem to display. I'm not sure if they actually feel them or if I'm projecting and they learned to push my buttons that well. Like in the Before, where I knew that dogs were unable to feel guilty but still acted in a way humans would interpret as guilty because it would lessen their owners aggression.

When the ratlings come within reach, I flick their ears. "Don't act guilty if you aren't." For a moment, they just look at me with beady black eyes, before they both stand up taller at the same time and look around curiously.

Shaking my head at them, I look over at Mushu who is eyeing the rats and me in turn, confusion plain on his face. "Those are Myy and Nipsu, my pets. I guess they followed me here, _somehow_..."

Come to think of it, that is weird. I came by way of the rooftops and while I am certain that all of my rats _can_ climb up walls, it's unlikely that the two actually did. They'd be easy pickings for the shinobi running around up there and with Rattmann running around, scaring the civilians, every ninja knew about oversized rats by now. _No, Myy and Nipsu must have followed my scent or something, rats have good noses, right?_

"Why?", Mushu asks, pulling me out of my contemplations.

"Why what?"

"Why do you keep rats as pets? Do you plan to eat them later, when they are bigger? Is that why they are so large?"

Funnily enough, Myy and Nipsu use that exact moment to start chattering between each other, as if they are protesting the very idea of it. Which they obviously aren't, being rats and, while not normal, still animals. "Just for fun", I answer, reaching over to pet Myy, who preens under the attention.

"Fun?", my summons asks, sounding as if he is questioning my sanity.

"Yeah. I play with them and pet them and teach them how to do tricks. It's fun to see them improve. Look! Nipsu, dance for me."

Immediately, the rat sits up and gives me his full attention. Then, he stands up on his hind legs and starts hopping from one foot to the other while waving about his paws and balancing himself precariously with his tail. I can't help but giggle, when he tilts too far to the side and falls over. "Good job", I praise and give him a pat as well.

"Humans are illogical", Mushu states into the quiet, seemingly sceptical why having a pet would be fun.

"Either way, I'll be pissed if you kill them", I warn before pulling back from the ratlings and reaching into my back pocket for my sealing scroll. "But you don't need to hunt today, anyway, because I brought you something."

All of his previous doubts are forgotten in the face of the half pig I unseal from the scroll. He falls on the meat and starts quite literally tearing into it. Honestly, it's no pretty sight and I back off a couple of metres, the rats following me. I had bought the cut this morning from the butcher, paid a pretty penny for it as well, and since it was a fresh kill, there is still enough blood in the cadaver to make a mess. Mushu doesn't seem to mind, enthusiastically ripping off chunks of flesh to choke down unchewed.

Watching him eat makes me once more aware of his surprising growth ever since we started training regularly. Not just his skills had grown, or his muscles, he had gained almost a metre in length. When asked, he had replied with a verbal shrug, pointing out that he was eating more than he had been. Apparently monitors never cease growing. Or at least "the large ones" never do. Which he seems to be.

It's just another reason why he can't be a scout. If he ends up being as big as the lizards that attacked me, there is no chance any shinobi worth their salt would not spot him without some kind of camouflage abilities that Mushu hasn't shown to have yet.

Turning to the rats that have crawled into my lap and are nuzzling against the fabric of my shirt, I raise an eyebrow and poke Nipsu in the side. He gives a surprised squeak, flinching away and looking up to my face. "And what are you guys doing here? Why aren't you with your mother at the den?"

I look into his furry, little face, tickling his whiskers, and almost miss the moment where he first lifts and then drops his shoulders. Freaked out, I stop my ministrations and stare at the rat. "Did you just _shrug_?!", I press, thinking that I must have imagined it. My eyes nearly fall out in disbelief, when Nipsu nods his snout up and down. "Do you, uh, do you... understand...?" Again he nods.

Myy, interested by what's going on, looks up to me. I stare at her. "Do you understand me as well?" She tilts her head to the side and I want to give a sigh of relief but then _she nods as well!_

Freaked out, I flinch back, sending the two ratlings rolling out of my lap. I take a leap back for good measure and then just... stare at them. After rightening themselves, the rats stare right back at me. Several tense moments pass by, before Nipsu breaks our stare-off to look at his sister. Myy nudges him in response before settling her gaze on me. She moves closer.

One part of me wants to run, wants to leave this surreal moment far behind me, but the other, more logical part of me wants to stay and see where this is going. So I remain rooted to the spot, warily watching Myy make her way over.

I tense up when she reaches me. She is tense as well, body coiled into itself as she inches forward. The rat is uncomfortably close to my exposed toes. If she wanted to, she could bite at them and probably do a lot of damage. But if she does that, I'll kill her in an instant. I still have freshly sharpened kunai in my pouch. And if I set Mushu on them, they'll be dead in less than a minute.

But Myy doesn't bite my toe. She slowly climbs onto my foot and then rubs her head all over my ankle before looking up at me with too smart eyes. "You're freaking me out", I tell her and, thankfully, she doesn't open her mouth to respond. Instead she simply repeats the action of rubbing her head affectionately against my leg.

" _Heavens_ ", I sigh, looking up at the cloudy sky, hoping for some sort of divine intervention to return everything to normal. It feels like the world has been tilted sideways, leaving me unbalanced. The rats are my pets, they aren't supposed to be... sentient. Aware. Intelligent enough to understand human language. What have I done with my experiments to spawn this kind of intellect? And what should I do with them now? Is it morally wrong to keep them as pets, now that I know how aware they are?

I don't know.

I simply do not know.

But I have to do _something_. I can't just keep standing here like an idiot.

Forcing myself to look back down at the overgrown rat on my foot, I tap my leg anxiously. "So you understand?"

She nods. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"And you are self-aware?"

She tilts her head to the side and doesn't do anything else. _Guess she didn't understand that_.

"Are you... fine? With how I treat you?"

At that she nods enthusiastically before nuzzling into my leg again. I feel sick. _Of course she's fine with it, it's all she's ever known._ And all of the sudden, I am very glad for my decision to stop experimenting with the rats.

"Alright", I say, more to myself that to Myy. "Alright", I repeat. "This is fine. This is good. I can make this work." I staunchly ignore Nipsu joining his sister. Instead I watch Mushu eating like the savage he is. At least he seems happy.

After a while, I sit down, reluctantly allowing the ratlings to climb into my lap after I cross my legs. Looking from Mushu to them, I wonder if I should just treat them like I would my summons. They can't talk back to me, but they are intelligent to understand complex demands and can probably be trained well enough, given all their enthusiasm for learning tricks...

Time will tell if that's a good idea or not, but it might help me get over this revelation in time.

 **-o-**

"Hikari-san, you have been requested for a mission. Meet your team at training ground 36."

"What?"

"You are ordered to present yourself to your commanding officer at training ground 36", the desk shinobi repeats, more forcefully this time, "That means now, newbie. Off with you." With that she shoos me energetically towards the exit. "Don't make a bad impression!", she calls after me when I turn to leave. Confused at the order and the mixed signals the kunoichi gave me, I speed over the village rooftops, trying to sort my chaotic thoughts.

 _I have been requested? By whom? And why? Maybe Gai pulled some strings? But he's not even in the village!_

Shaking my head, I push through the mess of my thoughts and find what should be first priority: Training ground 36. I land on a roof and swivel ninety degrees to the right before jumping again. I've never been to that training ground but through my years of wandering the village and listening to the shinobi passing by me from time to time, I have a good idea of where it's located. It takes less than ten minutes for me to find the place and get there, but all the while I agonize over who it might be waiting there for me. There is no sudden realization to be found, though, before reaching my goal.

I leap from the surrounding forests into the clearing and am met with completely unfamiliar faces. The kind that I've never even just seen around before. One shinobi in standard Konoha Chuunin fair and two kunoichi in simple olive drab pants and shirt. All three of them are older individuals, in their late forties maybe, and look on with nothing but indifference as I approach them. Nervously, I orient myself towards the Chuunin who is probably the commanding officer on this team.

"Uh", I swallow and shift my weight, "Genin Hikari, reporting for duty?" It comes out more like an awkward question than a statement, straining my nerves even further when both kunoichi roll their eyes in synch and walk off to the side of the clearing without a word in response. The Chuunin remains, fixing me with an assessing gaze. I wish I had had the chance to change into the new outfit I bought last week.

 _What use is saving up for presentable clothes when I don't wear them?_

I hadn't wanted to dirty them with the meaningless D-ranks I work day in day out, knowing that they would too soon fade in colour with the frequent washing and even sooner be littered with mends from the rips they'd inevitably sustain.

But now I'm regretting my own decision to save them for a special occasion. The Chuunin's gaze catches on all the little signs of mended wear and tear, on the high collar as well as the loose fit both my cut-off pants and oversized shirt are. My thigh pouch bunches up the fabric in an ugly way and the shirt covers my hip pouches in a rather unhandy fashion. It's still the outfit of my days at the Academy, the old Uchiha clothes I'd nicked from the abandoned district and roughly tailored to my needs. I dearly hope he doesn't spot the semblance.

Then his gaze falls to my bandaged left arm and he raises a brow before finally catching my gaze and addressing me. "Genin Hikari-kun, you were requested to join my team on our mission to secure the border between the Land of Fire and the Land of Hot Springs. My name is Kurisu Koji, Chuunin of Konohagakure no Sato, and those kunoichi are Wada Haru-san and Saori-san, both senior Genin. We will leave in three days at sunrise. Until then you will be trained for the mission. Any questions?"

Reeling at the onslaught of information, I do my best to sort through it and find anything I can ask that won't make me look like an idiot. All the effort is in vain when the main question I have slips out. "Who requested me?"

"I did."

Confused, I search the man's face, but I don't recognize him. Certainly we never met before, not even in passing. "Why?"

"As a favour. Anything else?"

Dropping the line of questions, I flounder a bit before deciding on the next piece of information I need. "Uh, yes. How long will the mission be? And what gear should I bring?"

He nods in what appears to be approval. "The mission will last five months, but I'll organize for you to take a break after the first two. As for your equipment: Keep it light unless you have any way to seal your possessions." When I admit to having a sealing scroll at hand, he nods again and launches into an expansive list of what can be useful to have at hand when securing a border. Then he seamlessly switches to protocols and Konoha codes to identify passing shinobi.

The whole morning I spend with Koji-taichou, which is, he explains, the correct address for him in the field. "Shinobi don't call each other by their family names when outside of Konoha walls. No need for any listening enemy to know what to expect or to know our weaknesses. Don't know what the Academy's doing, not teaching simple etiquette like that."

Haru and Saori keep to themselves, not once approaching us as they spar on the other side of the clearing. Even though both are supposedly Genin, they are faster than some of the Chuunin I've seen racing over Konoha's roofs, throwing and parrying kunai, shuriken, senbon and even what looks like hatchets. They are probably weapon specialists, simply going by their tendency to draw a kunai even when engaged in close combat and the lack of ninjutsu I'm seeing.

As they spar, the two dance around each other as if they have been doing it for years and going by Koji-taichou's comment that he has been working border patrol missions with his team for close to _three decades_ , that is _probably_ the case. It's hard to believe that they have survived the shinobi lifestyle for this long, especially with a position that should put them at a higher risk during the Third War, but I doubt he's lying or exaggerating either. Koji-taichou's hair is salt and pepper where it might have been black before and Haru and Saori both have more grey in their hair than they do blonde.

It's amazing to think they've been a team and worked together this long. _They must work together incredibly smoothly by now._ The thought makes me anxious to see them in action, but it also worries me. _If they work so well with each other, I'll stick out like a sore thumb._..

Around midday, Haru and Saori disappear into the trees and shortly after, Koji-taichou announces that he'll walk me through the process of securing a stretch of forest adequately. And walk me through it, he does. Or rather, he walks me into it, disappearing from sight after we have left the clearing long behind us.

From one moment to the other, I'm alone in an unknown surrounding. Standing still, I look around me, front, right, back, up, front, left, back, down, but there is nothing to see but trees and their undergrowth. Above me, the tree branches are thick enough to support a human, as is normal in Konoha's forests. The bushes around me are tall enough to hide a crouching ninja. As the wind rustles through the leaves it creates enough noise to hide near-silent footsteps and a body brushing against vegetation.

I know that the forest gives ample opportunity to hide or set up an ambush, but I can't spot it either way. Slowly, I crouch, reducing my exposed surface, before slowly creeping towards the nearest tree. It's luck that reveals the subtle shine of the wire a moment before I touch it. Freezing, I fix my gaze onto the trap I almost sprung, intent on figuring out its extent. My focus turns out to be a mistake and there is only a subtle whistle to warn me before a senbon sinks into my exposed back.

Yelping in pain and concentration thoroughly broken, I stumble forward, straight into the trap. Wire snaps up all around me and in a heartbeat, I'm thoroughly trussed up and dangling a few metres from the ground. I catch sight of a stony face, one of the sisters, Haru or Saori, I'm not sure, before she vanishes into the undergrowth.

Hissing curses under my breath, I wiggle around like a demented caterpillar, trying to loosen the wires, but only manage to tighten them. It takes a chakra-assisted heave to push my arms away from my torso and slip the wires over my head, which then leaves me suddenly falling face-first into the ground thanks to the sudden slack releasing my legs from the trap.

My attempt at a mid-air somersault just barely puts my feet under my body so that I can tuck and roll to bleed off momentum. Half a second later, a good dozen kunai are sailing at my head, released from a spring trap triggered by... _fuck if I know!_

Dodging under the flying weaponry only causes more traps to go off and I spontaneously decide that the forest floor is not my ally in this game of war. One jump and I'm bouncing between trees to get out of the way from the kunai.

At this point I mostly rely on my instincts to avoid death by air-borne shovel-knives and those instincts are clearly not honed well enough for the job. Not only do I get nicked by more than one razor-sharp edge, I end up running into another wire. This time it doesn't give and feels like I'm running into a steel bar at full speed. The air gets knocked out of my lungs, my momentum carrying me sideways over the taut metal. Desperately I flail and grasp the thing before I can tumble back to the forest floor.

Coughing and wheezing, I hang there and try to come to terms with how deadly that could have been. The wire I'm holding isn't very thin, it's even hilariously clearly visible aside from the dull-green paintjob. Had it been thin and sharp though? I'd have been sliced apart by my own momentum.

With a heavy gulp, I swing and launch myself at the nearest tree, sticking to it with all four limbs.

 _This is no joke._

I scuttle up the trunk, keeping my body close to the bark and my eyes scanning the immediate surroundings to avoid any sort of trigger or wire. My ears straining for any movements around me, I even take a whiff of the breeze in the vain hope to catch anything out of the ordinary.

My back is wide open and it only takes a few moments for me to catch the subtle creak of a branch behind me. Immediately I turn around, letting my gaze sweep over the estimated area of origin for the sound.

Trees, branches, leaves. Green, brown, darker green and shadows. _No, wait!_ _That looks incongruous._

One of the branches carrying leaves repeats the same pattern. It doesn't stand out much, but it's enough of a hint for me to launch a kunai at the spot.

The branch shifts, the pattern smudges into the background colours and my weapon sails through, hitting absolutely nothing until it disappears into the leaf work.

 _Fuck!_

 _What am I even supposed to do in this exercise? Find them? Escape them?_ _Koji-taichou said he'd show me how to secure a border, but is that it? They'll "show me" by making me run into all of their traps?_

Pulling a face at having to spend however long they deem appropriate being hunted through a gauntlet, I think of possible ways out.

 _If I could pick them out and overwhelm them that might end the exercise, but who am I kidding? That's not going to happen._

I creep along the underside of a branch to the next tree, not wanting to jump and possibly collide with any hidden wires.

 _Maybe I can hunker down in one location? If I don't move, I can't be lured into any other traps._

That thought gets a very firm and very obvious refusal, when I'm suddenly under attack from all sides again. Kunai rain from above, while senbon seem to simply appear out of thin air from the surrounding foliage. I quickly decide on moving up the tree I'm on, since kunai are easier to see and therefore easier to dodge or deflect than the slim needle-like senbon. _In fact..._

I snatch one of the knives as it flies by, crouch-running up the trunk instead of spider-scuttling and using the metal edge to keep the other kunai at bay. _There is a shape further up in the crown of the tree, I bet that's one of 'em. If I can just-_

My attacker vanishes, a flicker to the right the last thing I see of them. I jump to the left and run, pressured on by the rapid-fire of senbon.

 **-o-**

I come down in a small clearing, panting heavily and in the hopes of finally having shaken the others. I land on the forest floor, only to find out that it's fake. Leaf-litter rains down all around me. I tumble into a net that closes as it breaks my fall.

Screaming in frustration, I reach between the knots, keen to cut myself free, and reconsider once I see the cartoonishly sharpened wooden stakes at the bottom of the pit. Grinding my teeth, I grab the supporting rope the net is dangling from with one hand and cut the net with the other. The moment I peek over the edge of the pit, I'm bombarded again. Only now they have downgraded to pebbles. Making fun of me.

 **-o-**

The tree seemed safe about a second ago. A hiss alerts me to the exploding tag on the underside of the branch I'm standing on. My shockwave-fuelled flight is abruptly stopped by the neighbouring oak's trunk. Dazed, I cling onto a branch to avoid falling. Something hits me in the temple. It's a pine cone. I can hear laughter echoing in the forest.

 **-o-**

It only gets worse when night hits.

 **-o-**

I stumble in the dark, loosing grip of the bark and slipping several metres down, before catching myself. It's pitch black. Clouds hide the stars, steal the moonlight. Rough winds whistle through the forest, treetops groaning and shifting. I navigate by the sounds. Touch and sound. I send chakra out with every step, searching for the next wire, the next trap. My nerves are taut like the wires I fear. I am in hell.

 **-o-**

Dawn. I manage until dawn. The first light breaking through the dreary grey of clouded twilight is such a relief that I get distracted. Almost run into _another fucking wire_ Manage to dodge. A metallic click, a snap and then pain.

Doubling over, I clutch at my leg, groaning in exhausted agony. With numb, rubbed raw fingers, I try to pry open the jaws of the bear trap, but it's no use. My concentration is so shot that I can't even manage to find the weak point of the mechanism, instead trying to open it with brute force, which yields no results whatsoever.

I try to shift my leg, get my shin into a better position. Bite my cheek to keep quiet, fail. Growl, then whimper.

 _Heavens, it_ hurts! _Why'd they use a_ fucking bear trap?!

The trap doesn't have teeth, but the force of it snapping shut... My leg might be broken. _My leg!_

I feel sick, like I'm about to keel over. I don't. Can't. Or maybe shouldn't. I don't know anymore.

Looking up and around, I search for the others, for Koji-taichou or Saori or Haru. There is no trace of them. No dark silhouette, no visible irregularities in my surroundings. I can't hear them either, only early birds singing their first morning songs and squirrels scratching against bark during their first outings of the day.

I want to yell for them. Plead, maybe. Give up, possibly, and ask to be let go. But I don't. Instead I grit my teeth and look back to my fingers fighting with the metal contraption on leg.

I pull my foot up, ignoring the lurch in my stomach and the pain setting the limb on fire. I can feel the grind of my bones shifting, but more importantly, I can hear a soft rattle and see the thick chain connecting the trap to its anchor.

Maybe I go a little overboard, trying to break the chain, but who would fault me? Having an outlet for rage and frustration is good for one's psyche. Once freed, I crawl to one of the towering Hashirama trees and take shelter against one of its massive roots.

Then I wait, too exhausted to do anything but. Tiredly I watch the wind move the branches up in the treetops, but I doubt that I would have spotted an enemy if they were dancing on my nose.

Some time later, I don't know when exactly, Koji-sensei materializes in front of me. He crouches there, smiles encouragingly as if he hadn't just orchestrated the worst night of my life since dying slowly at the side of a road.

"You did well", he praises. I nod numbly, not giving a fuck right now. "Did you understand the point of this... exercise?"

For a moment I do nothing but stare at him. _Do I understand the point of the exercise? No, I don't. What was the fucking point of that?!_

Instead of responding verbally, I shrug, minding the many puncture wounds on my back.

The man keeps smiling, but his eyes harden. Though it's a small change, it shifts the atmosphere and immediately I tense.

"Border patrol is no joke", says the Chuunin that just put me through one of my worst experiences in this life, "It's more dangerous than any other mission Genin Corps members have access to. My team and I know what we are doing. No matter if they are Genin, Chuunin or even Jounin, we can chase all of them in circles."

He's dead serious, but all I can think about is: _So what?! Why did you have to prove that to me?!_ I don't voice my resentment and I don't have to either, because Koji-taichou needs no prompting to go on.

"You will follow our lead. We know what we are doing. I don't know what treatment you are used to, but we don't care about age or genius or anything other than experience and skill. You have absolutely none, so you will follow orders and maybe learn a thing or two, but don't interfere with our work. Do you understand?"

Obviously, the only acceptable answer to that is "Yes, sir" so that's what I give. Koji-taichou pats my head approvingly. I hate the gesture coming from him. It's so fucking condescending.

"Now, let's get you out of that trap and to a mednin, you look a little beat up."

I'm not sure if I hate him or not when he shows me the hidden lever that enables him to open the jaws of the contraption. I despise that he picks me up without permission though, even if it is to carry me to a hospital.

My fibula is broken, but the break is set and healed in less than half an hour, which is hard to believe even while I can feel it happening. The medical chakra moving through my leg is foreign and uncomfortable, even more so is the expression of the Chuunin administering it though. It darkens and then twists in confusion. She asks whether I ever had problems with my chakra coils. I remain silent.

I don't want anybody looking at my messed up pathways. Even if the injuries are still present, I've been told once they're unhealable, I don't need to be told again. Or worse, be declared unfit for duty. So, as soon as the mednin leaves the examination room to consult my medical file, I'm out of the window.

On a tender, but healed, leg I walk the streets back to my flat. About ready to fall into bed and sleep for the rest of the day.

 **-o-**

A few hours and a much too short nap later finds me in front of a door I have no desire to knock on but do so anyway. The wood does little to hide the uneven footsteps behind it as Nara Katai comes to answer the door. She seems surprised to see me. At least that's what I interpret the short twitch in her expression to mean.

"What do you want?", the grouch demands shortly.

"Can I come in?" Being in the Nara's flat never ceases to be uncomfortably, which is why I usually try to avoid her dragging me over for whatever reasons she might think of, but I'd rather not discuss this matter in the open unnecessarily.

"Finally admit that you need some good cooking for once, are you? Sure, I'll make certain you get some nutrition." And even though she says that, putting words in my mouth as she usually does to taunt me, her smirk is more secretive than smug as it should be.

Nevertheless I enter, waiting for the Nara to close the door and lead me to her kitchen where I sit down at a table and she opens the fridge to pull out one of the many pre-cooked meals she keeps there. The plastic box of homemade food is slapped down in front of me cold, the chopsticks I have to snap out of the air because Katai carelessly threw them over her shoulder before starting a water kettle. I roll my eyes at the attitude the grown woman displays, but I've come to expect it from her. Katai has skewed priorities. Obviously there is some sort of interest or affection towards me -a fact I can't deny, no matter how uncomfortable it makes me- but it shows in rather weird displays.

"I'm leaving on a mission the day after tomorrow", I disclose while starting in on the cold meal, never one to deny food.

"Are you now?", my landlady drawls in fake curiosity.

I frown. "How do you already know about that? I was only informed yesterday!" Her horrible innocent expression earns a scoff from me, but I give the inquiry up as a bad job. "Freaking snoop. Fine, don't tell me. Anyway, it'll be several months and I don't have the money to pay the rent in advance."

"Pay me back once you get the mission salary." Katai shrugs, apparently unsurprised. It grates that she is so well informed, but I have to admit that it's convenient as well. At least I don't have to argue or fight with the person that has the power to evict me if she decided I was too much trouble. "How about we play a round of shogi, since I'm doing you a favour."

I groan. _Naras and their Shogi, seriously!_ "Why don't we play jenga instead? Without cheating this time?" The last time I had played the game with Katai thinking I'd have more of a chance to win that than shogi, Katai had used the Shadow Possession jutsu to make me topple the tower.

"You didn't specify ninjutsu to be against the rules", the woman reminds me with a feral grin, "So it's your own fault for falling for it."

"Yeah, sure. Do you want to play or not?"

She watches me stuffing my face with rice, pouting, before taking the whistling kettle off the stove and filling the tea pot with hot water. "No. I would rather engage in something more stimulating than watching you fail at such a childish game."

"Like watching me fail at a strategy game?" I ask sarcastically.

"Exactly", she answers. Because of course she does.

"Not shogi though." Looking around the room, I try to think of a better alternative. "Do you have the stones for go?" _See? Better alternative. At least I was better at go than chess in the Before._

Katai eyes me critically. "You know how to play, then?" At my hesitant nod, she furrows her brow, just slightly. "Where did you learn?" Which is a fair question, since she had to explain shogi to me when she first pressured me into playing with her.

"Uhh, I, uhh, picked it up on a D-rank. Saw one of my clients playing when I cleaned their house." The fib is weak, but there's no way for her to check its truth at least. Luckily, she lets it go, instead limping to the living room to get her set.

Four games of Katai absolutely destroying me at go later, I give up. She laughs and calls me a sore loser. "You know my father always said it's better to be a bad winner than a good loser", I loosely translate the communist kangaroo, "You're being the bad winner in this saying."

"Did he now?" Katai leans over the table, clearly interested, and I bite my tongue. _Heavens, what kind of idiot am I?!_

"No, he didn't. I just made that up."

"I'm not sure you did." She grins. I don't like it. I hate it when people grin like the cat that got the canary. So smug, thinking themselves superior. Narrowing my eyes, I glare at her.

"Thanks for the rent thing." With a scrape, I push my chair back and get up, keeping the glare up for another moment to satisfy the boiling anger in my gut. Then I leave, not looking back and trying to reign in my bubbling rage.

I enter my apartment, slamming the door shut before stalking down the hallway. I'm angry. Glaring at the bare walls of the living room, I kick one of my chairs out of the way. It skids across the room and slams against the wall with a loud thump. I should pack, everything suggested into one of the scrolls, go out, see if I can buy what I don't possess. But I can't. After just a moment of surveying the contents of one of my scrolls has me flinging it across the room as well.

It bounces off the wall harmlessly. Unsatisfactorily.

I hate it.

I'm fucking furious. I can't stand this! I have to get out.

Leaving the apartment through the window, I close the latch and secure the simple wire-trap on it. Then I'm off, dashing along the lesser-used rooftops at speeds so fast that my freshly healed leg screams with pain. So I don't go to the training ground. I go to the alley. Drop down with as much momentum as a miniature bomb. The rats scatter, surprised and afraid, disappearing into the covered cages, who in turn disappear in the cloud of dust my landing throws up.

All the rats scatter and hide. That is, all except for Myy and Nipsu. The two approach me through the choking fog of dirt, showing little hesitation as they come and rub against my legs where I crouch. I tense, furious anger still boiling inside me, not sure if they are safe around me. But then Myy hoists herself onto my knee, sitting up and chittering. Her brother soon joins her on my other knee and all the tension in my body goes toward not toppling over.

I can't help but chuckle at them, before reaching out and scratching them under their pointy chins. "You two, I swear", I murmur, "You have no sense of self-preservation."

Nipsu preens while Myy chitters in what seems to be amusement, maybe even her imitation of laughter, and starts climbing onto my chest. Her long finger-like paws tangle in the tough fabric of my worn shirt, giving her enough purchase to climb up to my shoulder. And from there she sprawls onto my head as she does every time I let her get away with it.

Doing nothing to hide my out-right laughter, I relax and can feel the last of the searing fury calm and settle in my bones.

The two rats haven't stopped growing yet, consuming such massive amounts of garbage for sustenance each day that the dumpster which had been all but overflowing for years now, is almost empty again. Their siblings have slowed their rate of growth, though I guess my two favourites have as well, and it seems they will remain an inch shorter and several pounds leaner than Myy and Nipsu, who have now reached the ridiculous size of the average house cat if that cat were one of those grossly overweight ones old ladies seem to be so fond of.

Having both of them cling onto me like my little cousins did in the Before is a real workout. Myy alone is probably responsible for half the size of my neck musculature. _Honestly, who needs training weights if they have grossly oversized pets?_

But enough is enough. "Alright, you two, get off." There is some whining, but they oblige, Myy jumping down from my shoulder and Nipsu simply rolling off my leg like the languid cat he would like to be.

Sitting down with my legs crossed, I pre-emtively give an "Ah-ah-ah!" to stop the two clingy rodents to climb into my lap yet again. Or any of the other rats that have come out to greet me now that the dust is settled. Usually, I'd let them occupy me and feed them little snacks I'd come across here and there, but I don't have the nerve nor the treats for their incessant pushing today. Today I just want to deal with those eerily intelligent creatures that seem so keen to follow my directives.

"I'm leaving the village in two days." The rats blink, Nipsu stealing a look over at Myy who tilts her head in question. "I'm going on a mission. I won't be here for a very long time. Do you understand?" Again Nipsu looks over at Myy, he seems a little lost, and going by the shake of her head Myy is as well.

I sigh. "Alright. Do you know the training grounds? Where you always follow me and then I show you new tricks?" They nod. "That's at the edge of the village, right? Beyond all the human houses. Well, beyond the training grounds is a large wall. That is where Konoha ends. Do you understand?" Now both of them nod, seeming excited to have learned something new. As they always are. I stroke both of their heads affectionately, "Very good."

When I pull back, I have both of their full attention once again. "I will be out there for a very long time." A chatter between the two, Myy makes to come closer, to snuggle up to me once more. "No, honey", I say, pushing her back gently and ignoring the puppy eyes she tries to fix on me, "You cannot come. None of you. It's very dangerous out there."

And that's that. I spend the evening and night playing with the rats, going out once it's sufficiently dark to raid some other dumpsters and get back a little more food for all the eager mouths. They'll be fine on their own, all the babies can be considered adults by now, they can take care of themselves. Haisuli's offspring is smart enough to slink out of the alley without being seen and although they can't understand human language like Myy and Nipsu can, they have come to copy their stronger siblings in some terms.

Half a dozen giant rats capable of running up and down walls and chewing through iron left to their own devices surely won't be a problem. Surely.

 **-o-**

Looming over the water's edge, perched on a low-hanging branch, I follow the movement of the fish below surface with my eyes. My weapon of choice is a senbon pieced and attached by a length of wire, currently resting loosely between relaxed fingers. Fishing, or hunting fish, like this is a challenge in itself even if you overlook the difficulties of muddy water and flighty prey, because no matter how sharp your eye is your mind has to be sharper. Predict the target's future position and strike, that sounds easy enough, but I have to constantly remind myself to take the wonky light refraction in water into account.

My eyes narrow, having located my next victim, the grip on my weapon tightens, I imagine the path of movement, then most crucially let experience dictate where to actually aim. With a snap of the wrist, the sharpened needle launches forward with as much speed as I can give it without loosing too much accuracy. Still, the senbon pierces the fish's tail instead of the head as I had planned to do. Luckily the hit is solid if not painlessly deathly. The target struggles against the wire anchoring it to where the senbon has buried itself into the riverbed. The first red clouds begin to colour the pristine water only to be carried downstream by the sleepy current.

I drop from the branch to land on the water's surface, rippling it without care of all the fleeing fish. With one hand I hold the end of my wire, with the other I reach below the surface and grab ahold of the twisting prey. A second and a chakra spike later, I pull out a dead pike. I tie it to the bundle of squirrels and mice I collected all day. With pleasure I'd have taken out one of those blasted doves but I'm under orders to leave the flying rats alone.

After five days of travel at a punishing pace, or at least punishing for me, our squad had arrived at the outpost and tagged in with the relief team that left after a short debrief with Koji-taichou. He and the sisters immediately fell into an easy routine that left me awkwardly on the side-lines, mostly sticking to taichou whenever he goes on patrol.

To be fair, Koji-taichou spends a lot of time working me into the mission skills, taking the time to give one-on-one training as soon as Haru and Saori go out on patrol. He has run me carefully through the whole strip of forest between this river and the border to the Land of Hot Springs more than once to make sure that I can navigate through it without setting off the ridiculous amounts of traps within. On patrols he shows me how to move without being seen, what to look for when trying to identify signs of passing, how to track a lead through solid evidence as well as through vague discrepancies in the eco system.

It's intense, demanding my attention for every waking moment for nearly a week now, with only breaks for nourishment and sleep. Now, though, I am done with the daily ritual of hunting for our dinner about an hour earlier than I had expected. With a surplus of food nonetheless. And it's giving me an idea.

I retreat from the open area of the river, further into the forest that's still trapped but not as intensely as the border strip. I move far enough inland to find the large-ish clearing we've been using as a training site. Upon finding it abandoned for the moment, I grin and take out a kunai to cut my palm. With ease born out of practise, I weave the pattern for the technique before slamming my hand to the ground.

The chakra cost stuns me, being much higher than anticipated, and in the following explosion of white smoke I stagger back a bit, suddenly unsure of what to expect. Sending a small amount of chakra into my tattoo, I can feel it ripped away into nothingness with a greedy impatience that only makes me more nervous.

From the slowly dissipating mist comes the sound of a struggle, hissing, pleading, scratching of claws against hard scales, but it is abruptly cut off with a snap of jaws and a sickening crunch.

"Mushu?", I call cautiously. My answer is a guttural hiss. Pleased. And almost certainly my summon. With a sigh, I wait for the smoke to dissipate and there he is, throwing his head back and in the process of swallowing the limp and bleeding body of a smaller lizard. I groan. "Please tell me that's not supposed to be the specialist I asked you for."

He grins, the bright blue tail of his prey sticking out of the corner of his maw. His entire face is covered in blood, but by the smug expression he wears, none of that is his. "It turns out none of the little cowards were intelligent enough to avoid me." The tail tip disappears with one last swallow. "That last one thought himself so smart to wait until the last moment to jump on." His grin widens.

With a shake of my head I sit down. "How did he know when I called you?"

Mushu rolls his shoulder, a shrug, another one of those expressions he copied of me. "Every monitor feels when you reach for our kind. You could summon every one, so every one feels the connection." Another roll of his shoulder, then he turns his head to survey our surroundings.

"I see. But what exactly do you expect me to do? I need a summon that's more inconspicuous than...", I gesture at Mushu, who sticks out of the landscape like a sore thumb with his yellow patterns, "...that."

"You _need_?" he questions, head whipping back to face me once again, his tongue almost hitting my cheek when it strikes out to furiously wave through the air. But I'm distracted from his display. On his neck the hexagonal pattern had just shifted before adjusting itself to blend in again.

Slowly reaching out, I ignore Mushu's warning hiss and his jerk to avoid my fingers. "Are you sure", I lean forward, onto my knees, "that nobody else came along for the ride?"

The lizard frowns, but allows me to close the gap and touch his neck. His tongue flicks out in small flickers, the only part of him that moves. My fingers ghost over the hard bumpy scales. Then they encounter a lump. A lump undistinguishable by sight and apparently smell. It keeps impossibly still as I trail my finger over it, but violently twitches out of it's own illusion when I send in a curious tendril of chakra.

With a squeak, a positively tiny dark brown lizard is revealed. It flees from my touch, dashing a few centimetres before freezing and disappearing into the pattern of Mushu's scales once again.

"Hello there", I greet, moving closer to examine the illusion under which the small lizard hides itself. It's seamless. Amazed, I extend my finger toward the spot I last saw the lizard at. "Are you here to become a personal summons for me? I need someone who is good at sneaky stuff."

"Yes", comes a quiet voice from somewhere to my left. I look over and see one dark blue eye staring at me from the empty place between Mushu's shoulders. "He came here for that." After another moment of quiet regard. "And so did I."

"And who might you be?"

Around the eye another lizard fades into existence, brown and tiny like the last one with an iridescent blue pattern along its shoulders that loses brilliance with every detail of the lizard revealed until it's barely distinguishable. The blue eyes turn dull grey.

"We have no name. No one asked for one before."

Slowly I extend my finger until it's directly in front of the lizard's snout. My digit dwarfs its head. The tiny creature examines it thoroughly with both eyes and tongue before cautiously climbing aboard. With a body about the length of my middle finger and a tail the same length again, it seems frail and weak on my palm but I can feel the chakra pulsing through it, brushing against my skin where we touch.

"Do you want to become my summons?"

It hesitates for only a heartbeat, then "yes."

"In exchange for food?"

"And protection."

Raising my eyebrows, I look over at Mushu. _Understandable, but it's not like I can..._ "Sure. You can stick with Mushu when you're in the summon realm."

" _What_?!" the lizard in question hisses indignantly.

"Sure", I say again, fixing him with a glare, "My summons won't fight or eat each other while I'm not looking. Otherwise I'll drop whoever survives."

"You wouldn't!" he accuses, but I don't even have to repeat the threat before he backs down. Smart.

Turning back to the lizard on my palm, I grin. "So, for food and protection, is that right?"

"Me too, me too!" Its reply is cut off when the other one suddenly materializes on Mushu's neck. With a great leap, it launches itself from my irritable summons's neck and manages to cling onto my hand. It scrambles on top, careless of the other one already occupying it. "Please, I want to be a summons too!" This one is even smaller, if not by much, with a rapidly fading red pattern.

I shrug, "Fine. then I'll take on the two of you. But you need names." Stumped, I regard first the one and then the other. "Uhh, okay, you'll be _Red Spy_ and you'll be _Blue Spy_." _Nobody will know how utterly uncreative I am if I use a language nobody speaks, right?_

"Reddo...", the smaller lizard repeats.

"Buruu", the larger one imitates, "Thank you for giving me a name, summoner."

"Uhh", I express eloquently, rubbing the back of my head with my free hand, "Call me Hikari, please. I've, uhh, I've got some food. Though I guess I'll have to cut it into pieces for you guys..."

Instantly Mushu's stony expression lightens and he fixes his eyes on the bundle of dead animals I've been hauling around all day. "Good", he enthuses, "I thought you were going to give me rats again."

"Sure, sure", I agree distractedly, freeing the large pike from the bundle and throwing it into the lizards waiting gullet. Then his words catch up to me. "Wait, rats?!"

The undergrowth rustles in a distinctly sheepish way. I sigh.

 **-Omake-**

 _ **During the Third Great Shinobi War**_

"What's this? Another field promotion coming in to tell us how to do our job?"

She's not sure what she had suspected, surely not a warm welcome, not in times like these, but a modicum of comradery maybe. It's not like she doesn't know that her promotion wasn't based on skill but on the need for more Jounin to take the positions ... _vacated_ by the ones truly deserving of the title. Now she's been thrown into a second-hand flak jacket -its previous owner wouldn't need it anymore and their blood is still speckled in dark dots along the lower rim but she doesn't think about that, she can't think about that- and sent from one front to the other to lead a team that has survived its past three leaders.

But she can't show her nerves, her utter fear of what might happen during this deployment and whether or not she would live to see her sister again.

"Not going to say anything?" sneers the one on the right. "Yeah," the one on the left picks up, "How about you make a remark on our relationship, huh? That always seems to be a conversation starter."

At a loss with how to deal with the young women in front of her, she looks over to the slightly older male in their squad. He seems disinterested, his gaze meeting hers, long enough to acknowledge her silent plea for intervention before turning away and continuing to catalogue his gear and neatly stowing it away again. It's a practised procedure.

With an inward sigh and an outward slump, she regards the twins in turn. They are three years older than her, she remembers them from back in the Academy when they used to be amiable if a little reserved. After the scandal that must have changed and she can understand how being scoffed at and gossiped about could turn one bitter and nasty like this. No promotion for them, while their third teammate became Chuunin after which their Jounin-sensei dropped them and went on with his life. And given the scathing comments she has heard their mistrust in a new superior might be warranted.

It's understandable, yes, but she can't work with that.

"Enough," she dictates, reaching for that steely tone she had admired in her own Sensei, "I don't care about your personal lives. All I care about is your skill and experience. You will follow my lead, that is non-negotiable, but you have more knowledge of this run so I will need your input to make sure we can succeed in our duty. Have I made myself clear?"

The twins carry stony expressions, but they nod. Turning her gaze on the last one, she meets the man's assessing gaze. "Yes Katai-taichou."

"Good," she slumps just that little bit further, relaxing her shoulders that tiny bit more, "Then let's head out."

They stay together in their first run and split up afterwards to take shifts. Katai keeps with the man, Kurisu Koji, which earns her suspicious glances from the twin kunoichi but she thinks that she wouldn't stand to be with one of them for too long.

"What's with the seeds?" she asks when her partner joins her again after spreading seeds over the forest floor in a seemingly random manner.

When all he does is point upwards to where a half-dozen doves have congregated and one by one swoop down to pick at them she lets it go. He does it again and again during their patrol.

"As a covert warning if someone passes?" They are almost back at base now, the twins most likely having left it already.

With a slight smirk, Koji looks over. "We settled them here. Just for that."

It's smart, she has to admit as much. Doves like that aren't uncommon in Fire's forests. They won't take much attention by an invading party and even if they were to, it'd be hard to kill the whole flock without at least one getting away.

And as she sees and hears the frantic flutter of wings and sees a pair of birds break through the canopy, her heart sinks.

Koji has seen it as well and in an instant they are dashing forward. They have to assess the danger before they can send a hawk with a missive and warning.

As shinobi of the Leaf they bounce in the highest, thinnest branches of the treetops. Far above any foreign shinobi would dare. Thus they arrive to have a perfect view of the carnage that is taking place on the forest floor.

A large number of shinobi, Hitai-ate glinting with clouds etched into their surface, are under attack by a veritable hail of weapons. Up ahead Haru and Saori are making it rain, more concerned with quantity over quality. Their attacks have incapacitated only one, who lies bleeding and riddled with kunai, the others are lightly wounded at best and some are already making their way up to their attackers.

"I'll distract them, get Haru and Shiori out of here, they have to send the hawk. Go!" With that order, she drops to a lower branch, taking out the three that are climbing up and preoccupied with the twin's barrage to notice her own kunai before they sink into their throat, leg and temple respectively. As an Academy student she had been proud of her accuracy, now she tries not to think about it.

With that demonstration of skill, attention below shifts toward her. She takes pot-shots at the enemies below, dancing away from their retaliation. The stream of throwing weapons from above stops, but she does her best to cover it with her own before retreating to the shadows.

Another branch lower. She sees one of them drawing a sword. It's too easy. A quick Shadow Possession, she imagines her kunai elongated, draws the imaginary blade through her neck, drops the jutsu before even the first blood gushes. A heavy thump is all the confirmation she needs, already on the next tree.

But they locate her, before she can kill another one as well. She is surrounded, fighting alone, fighting for time, fighting for her life. Until she is not alone anymore. Koji, probably, somewhere around the fringe of the turmoil.

He is but a slight distraction, his help brings little to no relief, but she is glad nonetheless because she is not alone. It gives her strength and lends ferocity to her attacks. It seems good enough. She is managing to hold her ground, whittling away at her opponents, injury by injury while avoiding the worst injuries herself.

It seems well enough. Until she can hear him scream. Agony. He is wounded and badly. And suddenly there is only the urge to move, to protect her subordinate, fulfil her responsibility. She sees red, uncaring of the means, she fights her way through.

She sees him, broken armed and bleeding from a gash on his torso. One of the Cloud bastards is in the process of swinging his battle axe at him, the hideous weapon glinting with the promise of decapitation. She throws her kunai, hits the shoulder, throws her other kunai, hits the axe, knocked off course. He is saved.

" _RUN!_ " she yells and he doesn't hesitate. Unarmed and surrounded by enemies, she stretches her shadow as much as she can. Slamming her hands into the rat seal, then slamming both closed fists against her chest before the jutsu drains her. The last thing she hears is the cries of the enemy before she loses consciousness.

As it later turned out, her contribution had been enough to cripple the invading party to such an extent that the commanding Jounin decided to cut his losses and retreat with the injured back behind their lines. It was unfortunate that they decided to take Katai with them, in the hopes of garnering intelligence or, in the case that she held tight, of exacting revenge. It was her misfortune that she kept the little information she had been entrusted with to herself.

 **-Second Omake-**

 _ **October 10th, one year after the Third Great Shinobi War ended**_

Squirrel flits over the rooftops, she has done her part, has evacuated her allotted estate. She has no further orders, hasn't searched for a superior to get any either. The village is in chaos, but she has done her part. She lifts a crying civilian out of the crumbling building across the street, just carries them to the next shelter entrance along the way. She arrives at the one she is looking for. At the last moment she takes off her mask, seals it into the seal at her waist, then she's in.

She doesn't care about any of the panicking civilians, pushes them out of the way as she moves through the crowded room. Her heart clenches for a moment when she finds who she's looking for. A moment later she is at the woman's side.

"Where is Hikari?" The question is expressed with no emotion, Squirrel feels no emotion, she is a good kunoichi.

The girl turns a fear-stricken face to her, tear tracks clearly visible on dust covered cheeks. "I- I don't," she stammers and Squirrel feels and suppresses the urge to shake the answer out of the civilian herself. They had been childhood friends, but it is obvious how much they've grown apart.

"Where. Is. Your. Daughter?"

"At home! I don't- I was at work when it- I couldn't-"

Squirrel doesn't stay to hear her excuses, she barges through the crowd and outside again into the smoke-choked village. _At home_ , she thinks and searches the hazy outline of the village for the district Keiko's flat resides in. It is on fire. She moves, a shadow in the chaotic night, over rooftops, through crumbling ruins, dodging all those running the other way.

The smoke burns in her lungs, but she pushes through, around the largest fires and then she sees it. The building, the one where Keiko lives with her daughter, and it is wonderfully, miraculously, untouched by the carnage, just off the path of destruction the nine-tailed beast has ripped with the flick of its tail.

She breaks through the window into the small one-room apartment. There she is. Hiding under her blanket, the toddler has both hands pressed over her ears and is singing, like she always is whenever Squirrel checks on her, but it resembles more the child's cry the girl never gave than anything before. She cries for _Mama_ in-between the shaky melody and her own sobs.

Squirrel dashes over, takes her into her arms, flees from the endangered building, not once does the girl look up, keeping her eyes closed and her hands on her ears. It is only when a giant tail descends on them, one that Squirrel can barely dodge before it crashes into the roof she was running along, and the ground shakes with the violent attack that the child throws her arms around Squirrel and buries her face in the crook of her neck.

At that moment Squirrels throws all other contemplation into the wind and makes towards the closest shelter. She cannot risk Hikari just to get her to her mother. The girl wouldn't be comforted by the presence of her mother anyway, no matter what she had cried, Hikari never relaxed around her mother. Squirrel knows why, but she has no right to interfere, more than once did she argue with Keiko about it but in the end Squirrel has no claim to the child.

It only takes another three minutes to locate and make use of a shelter entrance not blocked by fallen rubble, then they are in the dark, in the sparsely populated shelter of a district caught too suddenly for many civilians to evacuate properly. It is quiet, eerily maybe, with quiet crying and no conversation. Squirrel occupies a corner and no other feels the need to come near, which is fine by her.

Lightly she strokes the trembling child's back, pats the feathery blond head of hair, tries to soothe. "It is alright, little one," she whispers, rocks back and forth just slightly, "You are safe and I am here. I will keep you safe." And still the girl merely cries into her shoulder. "It is alright, Hikari-chan. You don't have to be afraid."

A while that is all she does, whispering reassurances that ring with dull certainty and stroking and patting and rocking back and forth. At last Hikari stops crying, merely shivering with the cold dampness of the shelter now. Squirrel has nothing to offer the child but her own body's heat, so she circulates her chakra and raises her temperature before cradling the girl closer.

"Sing something, Hikari, why don't you?" she suggests. Finally, the child looks up at her with wide puffy red eyes.

" _Mama?_ " she asks and again Squirrel feels that squeeze in her heart. How precious is this little girl to her that it only takes one question to do her in?

"Yes," she answers, the lie bittersweet in her mouth, "Sing a little, Hikari-chan, it will soothe you." And she does. In a simple melody, in her childish nonsense, she sings a mantra over and over again.

" _Hey, you're okay, you'll be fine, just breathe._

 _Hey, you're okay, you'll be fine, just breathe._

 _Hey..._ "

It takes hours for her to tire and when she does, Squirrel can still hear the melody and the words echoing in her mind.

Years later, she wonders if she shouldn't have quit Anbu then and there, taken the child from Keiko, who so obviously didn't want it, and settled in Konoha. She could have been a mother. She could have provided. When she had learned of Hikari's father, she should have taken the child, cared for it in his stead, like a true sister-in-arms should have done. But she had gone back to her mask, as she had done all the times before. She had passed Hound in the headquarters without a word exchanged.

After a mission failed, she has only the recourse of her mind to escape the loving treatment of her captors. She cannot reveal her secrets, has been trained so much she couldn't even if she wanted to, so while she awaits her eventual demise she thinks of the girl that she could have loved. Who she could have made her own. _Mama_ , Hikari had called her, just once, and it had been the best thing anybody had called her in years. _Murderer_ was the more usual fare, _Monster_ even, but for just that one moment, Squirrel had been _Mama_.

Absently, she hummed that soothing melody, a faint smile on her lips. _Mama._ What a sweet memory.

 **-Third Omake-**

 _ **Present day**_

"Please," she begs, "Please just tell me why you are doing this!"

"You have angered the wrong person," her landlord replies before shutting the door of _her own apartment_ in her face. With a frustrated cry, she kicks against that thrice-damned crib that she will have to move once again now. She might as well sell it, if she ever gets another child, she can get a new one. Maybe the next child won't turn out as twisted and unnatural as her first one had.

The thought brings her to a new idea as to who her mysterious malefactor, who hounded her steps, spooked her relations and haunted her dreams, was. _It has to be that impossible child!_

She swears and yowls at her bad luck to have ever birthed such a horrible daughter. Everything had been so wonderful when that little good-for-nothing had disappeared into the winds, not to be found again. She didn't have the hassle to search for a secure future for a crippled girl, didn't have to share her food and could finally work the more lucrative night shifts without drawing her neighbour's disapproval.

But then suddenly her good luck had just turned, everything she had been able to build for herself in the year's absence of the little blemish on her life crumbling before her very eyes, and all because an unseen someone had threatened everybody she had charmed into dropping all forms of contact. She has been evicted twice now, just set on the street with all her meagre belongings. It drives her absolutely mad.

 _It has to be that little devil! Ohh, just you wait until I can get my hands on you! You will rue the day you decided to meddle in my life again!_


	21. Announcement and half a chapter

AN: Moi everybody! Peruna here. Hope you're all doing as swell as I am. And I certainly am doing well right now.

Did you know that someone actually made fanart for this fanfiction?! How cool is that?! Honest to god, that is probably the proudest I've ever been for a thing I have created. I love art and I love it when friends of mine make art for me as a gift, like the cover for this fanfiction which my good friend _coooooookie77_ drew for me. But to have a fan, a complete stranger but for our common interest in fanfiction, dedicate hours of their time and skill in order to celebrate my fanfiction? That's crazy and I am utterly baffled and honoured by it. So, please, everybody check out _FaithfulMarionette's_ rendition of Hikari showing off her little rat friend Haruma-kun (from chapter six) over on deviant art!

 _The link is_ deviantart(dot)com (slash) faithfulmarionette/art/Young-Hikari-801675827

I love this picture of Hikari! It's my main bragging point right now and gives me endless amounts of joy. Just. Thank you _FaithfulMarionette_. Sincerely.

And thank everybody else who left a comment or who sent me a PM. It's wonderful to read of your thoughts and opinions, to see anybody invested enough to type a few words or even to leave several paragraphs of ranting. I enjoy that and if I feel especially down, I sometimes just scroll through and read 'em all again.Thank you all. Every reader, every reviewer, everyone who recommended this fanfiction. I've even seen one or two recommendations pop up on Reddit! That's crazy! Thank you for placing any amount of value in my work big enough to share it someone else. It does mean a lot to me.

So, you might be asking yourselves: Why on earth are they waffling on and on about being grateful? Which is a legitimate question, I will answer now. Not beating around the bush, heading straight to the point, right abouuut ... now.

First of all, I say that because it's true. I'm immensely grateful for all the love and, to be honest, attention you gave me in a time when I was certain I deserved neither of those things. And I still struggle with that, but I am in a much better place now, a much better state of mind.

And because of that, I have to take a break from this fanfiction. It's on Hiatus, oficially now. I know it's frustrating to all engaged readers, but I promise it's not the end. Before I share what I've already written for the next chapter, let me explain the reason for putting it on Hiatus.

 _Lizard Brain_ started as a mad desire to escape, to divorce myself from a situation I felt was suffocating me. After only reading Self-Insert fanfictions, which allowed me this escape, wasn't distracting enough anymore, I had to write one just to hold out longer. So I started and I couldn't stop for weeks, dedicating immense amounts of time to writing. Those very early readers might remember that as the time when I put out seven chapters in one month.

But it's more than just an escape. _Lizard_ _Brain_ started as an expression of the utter frustration, aimlessness and, especially, staggering self-hatred I felt. You see, I write my stories, and _Lizard Brain_ in particular, by immersing myself in the character and the situation they are in. Sure, I plan most scenes at least roughly in advance, but the actual process is me diving right into it. You see how this works great for self-flagellation?

It helped me to be able to express my feelings. But it also helped a lot that people were actually caring and sympathetic to my characters. Liking and anticipating something that I made. Having a trait, a skill, that has to be worth something if so many people enjoy it.

So, yes, thank you all for all the good you've done to my ego. Thank you for the care you've shown in your reviews, especially when I shared my personal problems in the Author's Notes. I would love to continue writing _Lizard Brain_ just because y'all seem to enjoy it so much.

But right now, with what I have planned for this next chapter, I just can't bring myself in the mood. Hikari and Benjiro and Kakashi and the rats and the summons have grown close to me and right now, I just can't pull off the diabolical laughter while I throw the next stone into their path. I have a lot planned, it's not for a lack of imagination or interest that I put this project on hold.

I just want to enjoy my current satisfaction and contentness before I can really get into writing something mean and letting my characters suffer like that.

Maybe that makes me a bad author, but that's how it is right now. I appreciate my own works, like to reread the stuff I put out, but there is something much more intense about writing a scene than reading it and I can't handle that right now.

Like I said, I love y'all, I love that you enjoy this fanfiction, I'd love to continue writing it, but every time I sit down to do this next chapter I just can't. Can't do it. I'll continue to write, because it is fun and I love to do it, always have. I'll just write something that isn't as heavy as _Lizard Brain_ is.

For everyone that can't part with Hikari, I recommend the fan-fanfiction _False Ebony_ , in which she is reborn after everything I've planned for _Lizard Brain_ has went down. No need to say that there'll be massive endgame spoilers on that, though more of likes of how an epilogue would spoil the achievements of a character to those who haven't read the story.

Anyway, I do actually have a few thousand words written for the next chapter and I enjoy them quite a lot, so I felt it would be appropriate to share them before the break even if it means pausing the story on a rather annoying cliffhanger that sets up the next scene. So be warned.

And I'm sorry. To disappoint you. Hiatus is probably the most universally hated word on this site, right after "Discontinued". But I hope y'all won't be too cross with me for it.

 **I do not own Naruto.**

 **21.1**

Carefully I creep down the tree trunk, all four limbs stuck to the annoyingly smooth bark and head first I descend. In keeping my body close to the wood, I avoid the admittedly well hidden net of hair-fine wire triggers that criss-cross through the trees as if an especially large spider had decided to set up shop in this stretch of forest. There is no conceivable way I can move forward on the branches, so I decided to move along the forest floor instead of back-tracking and taking a detour to avoid this headache. How they could manage patrolling this area I have no idea, but coming through from this side is sure proving difficult to traverse these woods. More than likely that's the whole point of the setup, given that this is supposed to be a _border_ between two _unalligned nations_.

Sure, Hot Springs has disbanded their Hidden Village some years back and with the _incident_ that followed that announcement there weren't many of their shinobi left, but those that survived were snatched up by Kumo before Konoha could say "wait a minute".

 _"The team on the other side of the border has been there as long as we have. Even with their new allegiance, you'll be fine. They send their newbies over all the time."_

 _Yeah right,_ I scoff and slide around the trunk to avoid yet another tricky wire placement. I'm not sure what will happen when they ineviteably catch me but my superior officer sent me out on an infiltration mission and there's nothing I can do but try my best. Koji-taichou was certain that I won't be in danger once I get caught, treating it as just another training exercise, but the thought of being at the mercy of Kumo nin makes me uneasy.

 _"And even if something happens, you can just send one of your companions back and we'll come_ _fetch you."_

Repeating the words in my head until my nerves settle back a bit, I make the awkward transition from the vertical tree trunk to the horizontal forest floor, silently thanking Gai for all those body control exercises he made me go through.

 _"We'll come fetch you_."

He said it with an offhand certainty, like it was the obvious reaction to me messing up. I'm not sure how to feel about it, but it does help against the panic that wants to creep through my limbs each time the severity of the situation hits me. I'm in enemy territory. I'm in no-man's land. The connotation my mind keeps coming back to, of the death strip along the Berlin wall with auto-firing mounted guns, is not appreciated. Neither is the one that pops up whenever I forcibly shove that one away. _Now is not the time to think on the Korean-Korean border either. Heavens, I'm going to die here._

 _"We'll come fetch you."_

Konoha is supposed to be socially oriented. I haven't seen much of it, given how I didn't make the cut for a standard Genin team under a Jounin-sensei, but maybe this is what it's supposed to be. Having support at your back even when out alone.

Shaking my head of the thought, I halt and carefully survey my surroundings. I have a poor vantage point, given how my stomach is almost touching the ground in my spider-crawl, but it's enough to crane my neck this way and that to make sure I haven't been spotted yet. With deep breaths I take in the moist earthy smell of the air so close to the ground, only hints of odor giving away the rodents scurrying along under the web of wires. The sounds of wind gently rustling the tree-tops. This side of the border doesn't cater to the local wildlife, so there are no animals to listen for.

When I look ahead once again, I can just barely make out Nipsu's form against the dim of night, his sandy brown fur largely covered by the dark-blue vest I made for him.

 _"They have to have a mark of allegience when you plan to use them in the field. Otherwise your comrades might hurt them in the heat of battle."_

It figures that neither Koji-taichou nor Haru or Saori had a problem with my supersized rat pets. They accepted the animal companions without the blink of an eye, merely lecturing me on the proper attire of nin-animals.

 _"Inuzuka dogs don't need it, it's more than obvious who they belong to."_

Well, now Myy and Nipsu both sport little navy-blue vests with the Konoha leaf symbol embroidered on the back with grey thread. I took the fabric from one of my beat-up Uchiha-sourced shirts, figuring that they wouldn't mind the rough cut and worn state of the meterial.

Carefully reaching my hand forward, I let Nipsu brush against it affectionately. Scratching under the collar of his outfit and listening to his quiet sqeaking -and I will have to discourage that habit when on covert missions- I get a full view of the second reason the vests are a good idea. Where in one moment there is nothing, in the next a haze of dark colours not quite matching the surroundings is moving up my arm and towards my shoulder. I barely feel the brush of rough and foreign skin against my own soft throat. The lizard settles in the back of my neck, where my spiky tresses hide it.

"We found a way out. Might be a bit tight."

"Show me anyway." My voice is barely even a whisper in response to the near silent report delivered right to my ear. A moment later the shadowy blob is moving down my arm again to settle on my rat's back. Instantly the genjustu pulls on the solid colour and hides the summon perfectly. Red Spy and Blue Spy, or Reddo and Buruu as they've taken to call themselves, had struggled to adequately blend into the shifting motions of fur, but cloth gives them a better background to disappear from sight completely.

We've also tried if they could extend their genjutsu over the rats, but the results were less than satisfactory so I trained Myy and Nipsu to be conventionally stealthy. Rats are quite adaptable animals, claiming so very many environments for themselves, and the siblings have sure proven that to be truth. They sneak along the forest floor just as surely and silently as they do dirt roads and back alleys. No sound from displaced leafs or fabric against bark gives Nipsu away as he leads me in a winding path through the tricky wires. Unfortunately I make a little more noise, but nobody is around to hear it, so I should be in the clear.

In the next however many minutes, possibly half an hour, maybe even longer than that, I can spot Myy in my periphery just once. She and Reddo are supposed to keep watch and search for alternative routes forwards and backwards alike. Their time to shine comes when Nipsu leads me straight into a tight web of wires that I have absolutely no chance of getting through. The rat, however, can manage and slips into the slender spaces between the triggers with little problem.

"Nipsu, you idiot!" I hiss, glaring at the oversized rodent when he turns around, "There's no way I can fit through those!"

The rat squeaks, almost offended and returns through the trap as easily as before. Almost as if showing off how simple a task it is.

"Yeah, you dumbass, easy for you to do," I flick his forehead, "but I'm about ten times bigger than you, genius!"

"I thought it would fit," a tiny voice defends and I can see Buruu's iridiscent blue eyes staring up at me from Nipsu's back.

"Well, you'll have to work on your spacial awareness then!"

"I said it might me a tight-"

"Quit arguing!" My hissed command cuts through his excuse and he obligingly remains silent. Scanning the area around me, I notice that beyond the web before me, there seem to be no more wires spanning the distance between the trees. One last hurdle, it seems, before I can move a bit more freely again. There is no indication that the enemy patrol has spotted or heard me snap at my partners-in-state-sanctioned-crime.

"Alright," I decide, "You scout out ahead, keep an eye on what's next and possible routes to take. I'll figure out how to get around this thing with Myy and Reddo. Go!"

Without another protest, Nipsu turns and slinks away, Buruu's eyes disappearing into nothingness once again. While I wait for Myy to show up again, I slowly maneuvre my way out of the tight cluster of wire triggers and halfway up a tree trunk to survey the area. I can't move any further because this tree, like many others, houses an array of sealing tags hidden under thin strips of bark.

I have no idea what they do, if they are explosive tags or the klaxons that are used on the Fire side of the border, but all of them are connected to at least one wire trigger. Obviously not all the wires that span the trees are connected to tags, some are sharpened, others are merely the blunt, durable kind, but it's not clear which ones are and which aren't, which is why I avoid all of them on principle.

Some time later, after Myy has found and approached me again and Reddo has given his report, I'm following the rat down the tree and, curiously, up another. It seems Myy has been a little more creative, taking a page from my book and moving on the underside of a thick branch she guides me toward a small breach in the thicket of traps. The tree bough bends under my weight the further I get, but soon I can harmlessly drop from it straight to the ground.

"Good job, you two," I praise the preening duo, both of them snuggling up against my hand. Giving an affectionate pat, I send them off again. Then get my bearings and continue on.

 **-o-**

"Well, well, well, look who we have here." The voice is deep and raspy, echoing through the forest and reverberating in my very bones like it's coming from the deepest depths of hell. Everything feels wrong, sludge pumping through my veins. My head feels swollen, throbbing with the beat of my heart. It's not painful exactly, more like I have a very bad cold.

Chakra flares. Out. _Out!_ And the illusion dispells. Breathing hard, frantically look about. Sunrise, there, almost there. Then I can feel it settle over me again, dimming the world, sending mixed signals. "Ooh, a prodigy, huh?"

Flaring my chakra again, this time it's easier. Shake off the slick foreign chakra, disrupt the technique. See clearly again. Look around. Spot beady black eyes, hesitant approach. "Run, you fools!" My voice breaks, my throat dry. There is some kind of thought, a reference, a movie, from Before, but before I can finish it, the oily film is back, slipping through my skin, into my head.

"Kai!" My chakra rears once again, pulsing out of me with a crackle of displaced energy. Wisps of smoke hang in the air. The dim twilight, the shadows of the trees, the glare of the rising sun through the treetops, I can't see who is hiding in the slowly receding darkness.

"Feisty," echoes the voice, still menacing, still omnipresent, but I can't feel the intrusion of the hostile's chakra, can't feel the sickness spreading through my body, even though the shadows deepen once again and ominous clouds pull together to hide the sunshine. Twisting around, I try to locate the source, or even any flaw in the illusion. Because it has to be an illusion, genjutsu. Someone is hiding under the cover of the technique, but where?

"But it seems you don't have much experience in the field, do you?" A chuckle, grating my ears. There is the foul chakra again, encroaching on my space. I flare my chakra and it pulls back, the sky lightening for a moment before becoming gloomy once more.

 _It's an area of effect genjutsu! How do I disable an area of effect genjutsu?_

"That's why you're here, right? To gain experience. Konoha nin are too trusting," the voice laughs, malicious intent creeping into the heavy air. Not killing intent, not yet, but it- it-

 _The woman standing over me, face twisted with wrath. Her hand reaches down, grabs, painfully pulls me toward the next slap._

 _Do you try to make me angry?! I try to help you and this is how you treat that goodwill?!"_

"kai," I wheeze, "KAI!" My chakra bursts out of me, the desperate attempt to dispel the illusion ripping through my body and sending searing pain through my shredded, twisted, coils.

The cloud of chakra smoke is forcefully propelled away from my body. It leaves visible breaches in the genjutsu around me. In an instant I have a kunai in each hand, running headfirst into the tattered remains of the illusion. As soon as I can feel its touch upon my skin, I flare my chakra again, more controlled this time. That proves too much for the technique and it falls apart.

Right in front of me is the hostile, already mid-swing with his naginata. Just barely, I manage to block the blade with my own, moving forward into the shinobi's space, aiming to stick my kunai into his stomach. The sharpened tip is barely two inches from his flak jacket, when my head is jerked backward. My forehead explodes in dizzying pain and my vision blurs for a mere moment, but in that time, the man has disarmed and detained me on the ground. Still reeling, I struggle in vain against him. Within a minute, I'm trussed up and thrown over a shoulder.

"Let's see how good Konoha's rookies are."

 **-o-**

"Let's ask again: What are the patrol schedules for your post?"

"I don't know."

"Wrong answer," he sings, clearly enjoying himself as he adds another cut to my forearm. Blood spills and it hurts, but that's it. Nothing worse than that. Half a dozen cuts or so, that's barely worth a mention. He'll have to try harder than that. And it seems he has come to a similar conclusion.

"Well, well, well, all tough, are you?" His voice is much higher and more irritating than frightening without his genjutsu. "Let's try something else."

 **-o-**

My world is spinning out of control, dizzying spirals, gravity is on the fritz, air is optional, I'm suffocating! _I'm gonna die!_

 _Kai!_

With the flare of chakra, the illusion breaks, but it's not reality that emerges. It hasn't been reality for the last twenty times I did it.

The darkness stinks of blood, the coppery scent heavy in the air, heavy on my tongue when I gasp for breath. Static fizzles far off behind me, like a tv left on after the end of broadcast, in another room. The stench is suffocating. I want to move, but my muscles are all locked up. My chest feels tight, _there's no escape! I'm completely helpless!_

 _Kai!_

Nothing happens. No chakra of mine flares. _I have no control of my chakra! I can't- I can't-_

There are several ways to break a genjutsu. Flaring one's chakra manually is one of them. Pain is another. Pain leads to the body rejecting that which does not belong and that is the death of most techniques. Physical pain will pull one from the recesses of one's mind in order to deal with the immediate threat to life and limb.

Sudden clarity, the sunshine hurts my wide-open eyes, murmurs in the background replace the static, everything hurts. Before me sits the hostile, the enemy shinobi, intently focused on me. I surge forward, smash my forehead into his nose. It doesn't break, him having realized my lucidity half a heartbeat after I moved and pulling back. Still I manage to hit him, his nose gushing blood in a most satisfactory manner.

I grin and pull my chakra back into its proper routes, having regained the control necessary for that exercise.

"Not bad," my interrogator praises, wiping some of the blood from his face. He looks over my shoulder and I realize that the murmur of voices has stopped.

"She got you?" a voice behind me asks in disbelief. Another laughs, a surprisingly amiable sound. "I can't believe the kid tagged you!" it guffaws.

"Yeah, well," the man in front of me harrumphs and wipes at his face again. "Let's just call it a day, unless one of you guys want a go?"

"Nah, I'm good. Also, one of the babies said that the Konoha guys are on the move, so there's no time anyway."

Relief crashes through me and I can't help but slump a little against the chair I'm bound to. A second later I stiffen up again when a hand pats my head.

"You did well, kid."

I have no idea what to reply to that, so I remain silent, waiting for the rescue party.

 **-o-**

"I thought you were on good terms with the other border outpost?"

Koji-taichou looks over his shoulder at me. Then he shrugs. "Sure, we are. Or did you get hurt?"

Furrowing my brow, I study his back as he leads the patrol back to the outpost. "Yes, I did. They used torture in their interrogation."

He merely snorts. "Did you get seriously hurt? Do we have to send you back to see a medic?"

"No!" I hastily refuse, not wanting to fail the mission, "I'll be fine."

"See? No harm done. Of course they roughed you up a bit, we do that with the rookies they send us as well. See what they can take before they cry for mercy." He looks back at me again, giving a nod of approval. "From what I heard you didn't give an inch."

I merely shrug in reply. _I guess that makes sense with the little cuts and all the illusions..._

"What's that about genjutsu I hear, though? You didn't tell me you had an affinity for them."

"I don't. At least as far as I know..." He raises a brow, waits for me to continue. "I'm just good at feeling other people's chakra when it enters my body."

"So you're chakra sensitive?" Now it's my turn to shrug. "Can you feel other people's chakra around you? When it doesn't touch you?"

"No."

"But you can feel it when it touches or enters your body."

I nod.

"Is that why you ran away from the hospital when you broke your leg?"

 _When_ you _broke my leg, you mean._ Uncomfortable, I pull my shoulders up towards my ears. "Maybe. It was a little unnerving."

"Huh."

 **-o-**

The immense red gates of Konoha's main entrance tower above, almost as high as the wall encircling the village and just as defensible. Moving past the row of civilians seeking entrance to the hidden village, we pass under the arch of the gateway and approach the gate-guard's desk which is at the front of the cue of people.

Two chuunin sit there, one wearing his hitai-ate as a bandana and with one eye covered by his bangs, the other wearing a single bandage over his face as if to hide a disfigurement and with black hair fainty resembling a sea urchin with how spiky it is. It's the second one that waves us over, his collegue busy with sorting through a merchant's paperwork.

Haruka-san, the kunoichi running the mission to collect reports from the border patrols along the Fire-Hot Springs border and the one to pick me up as arranged by Koji-taichou, silently hands over her mission scroll. The chuunin studies it almost boredly, before handing it back.

"Same as always, though maybe your little rookie should also write a report," the man grins, "Good practise and all that."

Haruka-san snorts, "Sure, practise. The suggestion has nothing to do with you wanting to get back at me, I'm sure."

With a gasp, the guy tries to look offended, which is somewhat ruined by his poor attempt at hiding a grin. "What?! By making you read a Genin's first sloppy mission report about an uneventful and boring mission? I would never." He turns to me and winks, "No offense."

"Uh, sure", I offer intelligently, not certain whether or not I should feel offended at all. Haruka is merely rolling her eyes at the guy when I glance over at her.

"Let's go. I could use a good night's rest", the kunoichi declares, moving further down the main road and into the village. Hastily, I follow.

"Should I actually write a report?"

She shrugs. "If you want to. Uneventful missions usually only require the leader to give a report, but it might be better if you turned one in. To get the mission on your record and all that." With that she waves me away, informing me that I can turn in any mission report at the general mission desk.

Somewhat uncertainly I trail to a stop at the side of the road, next to a closed pub. I look around. People are walking, going after their usual morning activities, not many are milling around. And why would they? The only ones not moving are the civilians in the cue. At the guard post, the same merchant is waiting for his paperwork to be approved so that he's allowed in. His ox-drawn cart is a little off to the side, another pair of shinobi searching it thoroughly for contraband.

Leaning against the wall, I decide to observe for a little bit. It's interesting how the merchant seems to flicker between annoyance at being held up and cowering whenever the gate guard with the bandana says something to him.

 _So he's that afraid of shinobi?_ _Is he hiding something or is it just a natural predisposition against people that will kill you in a heartbeat?_

On second thought, it's probably the latter. I'd expect it to always be the latter for any civilian with an ounce of common sense. I'm not even sure if I could stand being around hardened murderers if I were a civilian myself. _Maybe it's a good thing I became a kunoichi then_ _. At least I can defend myself from a threat._

A flicker at the side of the gate catches my attention. For a mere moment, I can spot a nondescript man just inside the gate. He gives a short series of hand signs that I can't identify, before vanishing into thin air again. Shortly thereafter, the merchant is allowed to retrieve his cart and head into the village proper.

Anbu. The covert operations within an army of _ninja_. Scary people, so scary that most civilians barely see them as shinobi, even less as human beings. They are the monsters in the night, they are the ghosts that will find and murder you when you step out of line. Not entirely untrue, but most shinobi look at them with a kind of fearful awe. At least most in the Genin Corps. They represent the highest skill, the most refined weapon the Hidden Village has to offer. None other than the great heroes stand above them, the Yellow Flash, the Sannin, the Hokage.

I sometimes wonder what Anbu is actually like. As far as I know, they take the dirty, underhanded missions that the Village isn't supposed to be associated with. But they are also the protectors of the village. Along with the Chuunin patrols, it's the Anbu that make sure nobody gets into the walls that isn't allowed.

Case in point being the one that stopped Haruka and me in the dimn twilight hours of the morning, long before we were to arrive at the gate. The white-masked shinobi had checked our identification, scrutinized Myy and Nipsu and Reddo and Buruu with a frightening intensity, initiated more than one security protocol in an attempt to trip us up, make us stumble and reveal ourselves to be enemy nin so that they could kill us and be done with it.

It had been terrifying, without the need for killing intent or genjutsu, just the uncertainty of the situation setting nerves on edge. Even Haruka, who no doubt went through this kind of treatment often enough, couldn't hide her discomfort. But nothing further had happened. The Anbu operative had simply vanished into thin air again with no sign of approval other than the fact that we were still alive.

A shudder works its way up my spine and I turn away from the gate, deciding to head to the alley before doing anything else. I need to check up on my little pet project, don't I? Who knows what they did without Myy and Nipsu there to keep them in line. Or me, for that matter, but I have the feeling that my two little rascals had more control over the other rats than I before I left.

 _Time to find out._


End file.
